Speaker: 
 00:00:02  
Welcome listeners to this week's Saddle Up segment.
 
 2
: 
 00:00:06  
 I am thrilled to have these back.
 
 3
: 
 00:00:09  
 I haven't done a saddle up segment for
 a long time, and these are generally
 
 4
: 
 00:00:14  
 little recaps from Tuesday's episode
 and then sometimes they throw in
 
 5
: 
 00:00:19  
 a little extra stuff that's more
 saddle, upy and saddle up to life.
 
 6
: 
 00:00:23  
 Um, but I wanted to let you
 know that I had a great podcast.
 
 7
: 
 00:00:27  
 With Kimberly Miller who has, um, a
 company called Part Wise, go back and
 
 8
: 
 00:00:33  
 listen if you wanna learn more about it.
 
 9
: 
 00:00:35  
 But you know, she kind of, and we were
 talking about how you can choose to
 
 10
: 
 00:00:41  
 divorce amicably a lot of the times, and
 I'm not saying every time, and I've done.
 
 11
: 
 00:00:47  
 You know, longer podcasts on when you
 know if you can do a mediation or not.
 
 12
: 
 00:00:52  
 But I just wanted to kind of go
 through maybe three quick signs.
 
 13
: 
 00:00:58  
 'cause you know, these are real short
 little segments about when you know,
 
 14
: 
 00:01:04  
 um, that you're ready to do it amicably.
 
 15
: 
 00:01:07  
 And if you can, and before I
 jump to those, I just wanna
 
 16
: 
 00:01:11  
 say we know that a mediation.
 
 17
: 
 00:01:14  
 Probably isn't gonna work
 unless you're represented by
 
 18
: 
 00:01:17  
 attorneys going to the mediation.
 
 19
: 
 00:01:19  
 If there's any kind of, um, abuse or
 you're feeling like you can't, you don't
 
 20
: 
 00:01:26  
 have a say or you're afraid to speak
 and you need someone to support you.
 
 21
: 
 00:01:32  
 And, um, it's often voluntary now.
 
 22
: 
 00:01:36  
 Minnesota and certain states, you
 do need to go through a mediation
 
 23
: 
 00:01:41  
 session prior to going to court.
 
 24
: 
 00:01:44  
 Um.
 
 25
: 
 00:01:46  
 So that is something to think of.
 
 26
: 
 00:01:48  
 But if you are looking at going through
 a divorce, I highly recommend doing
 
 27
: 
 00:01:54  
 it together, working together on it.
 
 28
: 
 00:01:56  
 And I think the best way, I might
 be biased, but I think the best way
 
 29
: 
 00:02:00  
 to do it is through a mediation.
 
 30
: 
 00:02:02  
 There's also a collaborative.
 
 31
: 
 00:02:04  
 Law route that you can take.
 
 32
: 
 00:02:06  
 And I want you to know you can always,
 um, go online to lisa kiski.com
 
 33
: 
 00:02:12  
 and schedule a consult with me and I will
 help you understand the options for you
 
 34
: 
 00:02:18  
 and help you kind of plan out how you're
 going to work through your divorce.
 
 35
: 
 00:02:23  
 But here are the three
 signs that you're ready.
 
 36
: 
 00:02:27  
 And the first one is just that you're
 more focused on the future than ever.
 
 37
: 
 00:02:32  
 So you, and this is what I love about
 like coaching, is let's move forward.
 
 38
: 
 00:02:38  
 You know, we can, and sometimes
 it's hard to jump out of that.
 
 39
: 
 00:02:42  
 Your twisting and turning in the
 hurt and the confusion in the past.
 
 40
: 
 00:02:46  
 You're kind of starting to
 feel like I'm ready to move.
 
 41
: 
 00:02:50  
 Forward.
 
 42
: 
 00:02:52  
 You need to be open to communicate
 even if it's hard and it is hard.
 
 43
: 
 00:02:56  
 Um, I had a really tough one today
 and they did a really good job.
 
 44
: 
 00:02:59  
 A really good mediator is going
 to help you have the tools to work
 
 45
: 
 00:03:05  
 through hard, hard emotions, how
 hard feelings, and there's a lot of
 
 46
: 
 00:03:09  
 different ways you can, can do that.
 
 47
: 
 00:03:11  
 I like to try to keep.
 
 48
: 
 00:03:12  
 People using their, um, their muscle
 in their brain, and it's hard to use
 
 49
: 
 00:03:18  
 that when you get really emotional.
 
 50
: 
 00:03:20  
 So there's tools that I use with
 people to keep them in that place.
 
 51
: 
 00:03:24  
 But if you are ready to do the hard
 work, because none of it's easy.
 
 52
: 
 00:03:29  
 Divorce isn't easy, but I feel
 like this is a better route, so.
 
 53
: 
 00:03:36  
 First thing, you're focused
 more on the future than revenge.
 
 54
: 
 00:03:39  
 The second thing is you're
 open to communicate.
 
 55
: 
 00:03:43  
 And the third thing is you're
 craving like clarity, not chaos.
 
 56
: 
 00:03:49  
 You want to be the ones who
 are making the decision about
 
 57
: 
 00:03:54  
 how you are going to separate.
 
 58
: 
 00:03:55  
 You don't want the court or a judge,
 or you don't want it to be a surprise.
 
 59
: 
 00:04:00  
 You wanna come together.
 
 60
: 
 00:04:01  
 Um, you know, a lot of times no one feels
 like a winner, but when you work together.
 
 61
: 
 00:04:06  
 As I always say, how you end one
 thing is how you start another.
 
 62
: 
 00:04:10  
 So if you can end it, well
 make some compromises.
 
 63
: 
 00:04:14  
 It's just gonna catapult
 you into a better future.
 
 64
: 
 00:04:17  
 And then I just, so those are the three
 things, those, that's when you kind of
 
 65
: 
 00:04:21  
 know, okay, I'm ready, I'm ready to,
 to work through this mediation process.
 
 66
: 
 00:04:26  
 If you have kids.
 
 67
: 
 00:04:28  
 It's imperative whether you have a
 mediator or not, that you learn how to
 
 68
: 
 00:04:36  
 work together to not put down the other
 parent in front of the children because
 
 69
: 
 00:04:41  
 you can help them thrive through this.
 
 70
: 
 00:04:43  
 You can build resilience.
 
 71
: 
 00:04:45  
 Your kids didn't ask for this,
 so do everything you can to
 
 72
: 
 00:04:49  
 make this better for them and.
 
 73
: 
 00:04:51  
 What I've found through all the
 research is it's really very simple
 
 74
: 
 00:04:56  
 when kids know that both parents
 care for them and love them.
 
 75
: 
 00:05:01  
 That's the most important
 thing that helps them thrive.
 
 76
: 
 00:05:05  
 So, um, just keep that in mind.
 
 77
: 
 00:05:07  
 Keep working together
 because you can do it.
 
 78
: 
 00:05:11  
 I have helped really messy situations
 to really hard things and there
 
 79
: 
 00:05:16  
 is something that feels so good
 when you do it a better way.
 
 80
: 
 00:05:21  
 Thanks so much for being here.
 
 81
: 
 00:05:22  
 Take good care.