Shownotes
There are no shortcuts in comedy, but Mahari the wolf thinks he’s found one: make fun of armadillos. What he’s about to learn is that there is always a price to success.
Today’s story is the first of two parts of “That’s A Good One” by Kyell Gold, award-winning author of Out of Position and many more, and you can find more of his stories at FurPlanet.com, Sofawolf.com, or wherever fine furry books are sold.
Read for you by Rob MacWolf — werewolf hitchhiker.
thevoice.dog | Apple podcasts | Spotify | Google Podcasts
If you have a story you think would be a good fit, you can check out the requirements, fill out the submission template and get in touch with us.
https://thevoice.dog/episode/thats-a-good-one-by-kyell-gold-part-1-of-2
Transcripts
The
Speaker:Voice
Speaker:of
Speaker:Dog.
Speaker:This
Speaker:is
Speaker:Rob
Speaker:MacWolf,
Speaker:your
Speaker:fellow
Speaker:traveler,
Speaker:and
Speaker:Today’s
Speaker:story
Speaker:is
Speaker:the
Speaker:first
Speaker:of
Speaker:two
Speaker:parts
Speaker:of “That’s
Speaker:A
Speaker:Good
Speaker:One”
Speaker:by
Speaker:Kyell
Speaker:Gold,
Speaker:award-winning
Speaker:author
Speaker:of
Speaker:Out
Speaker:of
Speaker:Position
Speaker:and
Speaker:many
Speaker:more, and
Speaker:you
Speaker:can
Speaker:find
Speaker:more
Speaker:of
Speaker:his
Speaker:stories
Speaker:at
Speaker:FurPlanet.com,
Speaker:Sofawolf.com,
Speaker:or wherever
Speaker:fine
Speaker:furry
Speaker:books
Speaker:are
Speaker:sold.
Please
enjoy
“That’s
A
Speaker:Good
Speaker:One”
Speaker:by Kyell
Speaker:Gold, Part 1
Speaker:of 2
It
starts
Speaker:in
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:those
Speaker:clubs
Speaker:that’s
Speaker:barely
Speaker:a
Speaker:step
Speaker:above
Speaker:open-mike
Speaker:comedy
Speaker:night,
Speaker:with
Speaker:Mahari
Speaker:and
Speaker:a
Speaker:glass
Speaker:of
Speaker:club
Speaker:soda
Speaker:and
Speaker:about
Speaker:thirteen
Speaker:people
Speaker:in
Speaker:worn
Speaker:wooden
Speaker:chairs
Speaker:sitting
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:half-dark.
Speaker:He
Speaker:finishes
Speaker:up
Speaker:the
Speaker:construction
Speaker:worker
Speaker:bit
Speaker:and
Speaker:gets
Speaker:a
Speaker:few
Speaker:chuckles.
Speaker:What
Speaker:else
Speaker:does he
Speaker:expect
Speaker:on a
Speaker:Tuesday
Speaker:night?
Speaker:The
Speaker:wolf
Speaker:gulps
Speaker:down
Speaker:the
Speaker:last
Speaker:of
Speaker:his
Speaker:club
Speaker:soda,
Speaker:wipes
Speaker:his
Speaker:paw
Speaker:on
Speaker:his
Speaker:lucky
Speaker:turquoise
Speaker:vest,
Speaker:and
Speaker:signals
Speaker:the
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:waiter
Speaker:for
Speaker:another.
“And
it’s
Speaker:not
Speaker:like
Speaker:we’re
Speaker:payin’
Speaker:these
Speaker:guys
Speaker:to
Speaker:build
Speaker:the
Speaker:fuckin’
Speaker:Great
Speaker:Wall,”
Speaker:he
Speaker:goes
Speaker:on. “This
Speaker:building
Speaker:down the
Speaker:street
Speaker:from
Speaker:my
Speaker:house,
Speaker:they
Speaker:spent
Speaker:eight
Speaker:months
Speaker:putting
Speaker:it
Speaker:up,
Speaker:and
Speaker:two
Speaker:weeks
Speaker:later
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:floors
Speaker:collapsed.”
Speaker:Half-truths,
Speaker:hyperbole,
Speaker:outright
Speaker:fiction.
Speaker:He
Speaker:lives
Speaker:in
Speaker:an
Speaker:apartment
Speaker:with
Speaker:two
Speaker:other
Speaker:aspiring
Speaker:comedians,
Speaker:the
Speaker:same
Speaker:place
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:lived
Speaker:for
Speaker:the
Speaker:last
Speaker:twelve
Speaker:years,
Speaker:a
Speaker:two-bedroom
Speaker:place
Speaker:with
Speaker:bunk
Speaker:beds
Speaker:in
Speaker:one
Speaker:room
Speaker:and
Speaker:a
Speaker:nicer
Speaker:bed
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:other
Speaker:for
Speaker:whichever
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:them
Speaker:gets
Speaker:lucky
Speaker:some night.
Speaker:For
Speaker:a
Speaker:couple
Speaker:years
Speaker:he
Speaker:was
Speaker:sorta-kinda
Speaker:living
Speaker:at
Speaker:this
Speaker:grey
Speaker:fox’s
Speaker:place,
Speaker:but
Speaker:Gary
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:like
Speaker:how
Speaker:often
Speaker:he
Speaker:was
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:road,
Speaker:and
Speaker:when
Speaker:he
Speaker:came
Speaker:back
Speaker:from
Speaker:one
Speaker:stint
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:road,
Speaker:a
Speaker:box
Speaker:of
Speaker:his
Speaker:stuff
Speaker:sat
Speaker:out
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:yard
Speaker:and
Speaker:a
Speaker:big
Speaker:muscular
Speaker:stag
Speaker:stood
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:doorway,
Speaker:arms
Speaker:crossed,
Speaker:glaring.
Speaker:Gary
Speaker:wouldn’t
Speaker:answer
Speaker:his
Speaker:phone
Speaker:or
Speaker:texts.
Mahari
also
Speaker:doesn’t have
Speaker:a
Speaker:nephew. “Hell,
Speaker:my
Speaker:nephew
Speaker:built
Speaker:a
Speaker:house
Speaker:out
Speaker:of
Speaker:Legos
Speaker:and
Speaker:my
Speaker:sister
Speaker:had
Speaker:to
Speaker:get
Speaker:a
Speaker:crowbar
Speaker:to
Speaker:pull
Speaker:it
Speaker:apart.”
Speaker:Here
Speaker:comes
Speaker:the
Speaker:punchline.
Speaker:The
Speaker:crowd
Speaker:is
Speaker:flat
Speaker:as a
Speaker:beaver’s
Speaker:tail,
Speaker:though,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:can
Speaker:tell
Speaker:before it
Speaker:lands
Speaker:that
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:going
Speaker:to
Speaker:get
Speaker:nothing
Speaker:from
Speaker:these
Speaker:people. “They should
Speaker:build
Speaker:houses
Speaker:out
Speaker:of
Speaker:those,
Speaker:you
Speaker:know
Speaker:what
Speaker:I’m
Speaker:saying?
Speaker:They’d
Speaker:last
Speaker:for-fucking-ever.”
Polite
chuckles,
Speaker:acknowledgment
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:joke
Speaker:but
Speaker:not
Speaker:really
Speaker:amusement.
Speaker:One
Speaker:guy
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:corner
Speaker:does
Speaker:guffaw,
Speaker:so
Speaker:at
Speaker:least
Speaker:there’s
Speaker:that.
Speaker:Lucky
Speaker:vest
Speaker:comes
Speaker:through
Speaker:again,
Speaker:he
Speaker:thinks.
Speaker:He
Speaker:feels
Speaker:as
Speaker:good
Speaker:as
Speaker:he
Speaker:ever
Speaker:does.
The
armadillo
Speaker:waiter
Speaker:comes
Speaker:back
Speaker:with
Speaker:a
Speaker:glass
Speaker:and
Speaker:sets
Speaker:it
Speaker:down.
Speaker:Mahari
Speaker:takes
Speaker:it
Speaker:and
Speaker:tips it
Speaker:to
Speaker:his
Speaker:muzzle,
Speaker:expecting
Speaker:the
Speaker:tang and fizz
Speaker:of
Speaker:club soda, and gets instead
Speaker:the
Speaker:tepid,
Speaker:mineral
Speaker:taste
Speaker:of
Speaker:flat
Speaker:tap
Speaker:water.
Speaker:A
Speaker:spit-take
Speaker:would
Speaker:be
Speaker:funny,
Speaker:he
Speaker:thinks as
Speaker:he
Speaker:swallows,
Speaker:and
Speaker:then
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:just
Speaker:angry. “Hey,”
Speaker:he
Speaker:snaps
Speaker:at the waiter. “I
Speaker:was
Speaker:drinking
Speaker:club
Speaker:soda.
Speaker:Same
Speaker:thing
Speaker:you
Speaker:brought
Speaker:me
Speaker:last
Speaker:time.
Speaker:What,
Speaker:did
Speaker:you just
Speaker:roll
Speaker:back
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:bar
Speaker:and
Speaker:smack
Speaker:your
Speaker:head
Speaker:on
Speaker:it?”
Mortified,
the
Speaker:waiter
Speaker:scurries
Speaker:back
Speaker:to
Speaker:grab
Speaker:the
Speaker:glass,
Speaker:but
Speaker:Mahari
Speaker:doesn’t
Speaker:notice,
Speaker:because
Speaker:the
Speaker:crowd
Speaker:is
Speaker:laughing.
Speaker:They’re
Speaker:alive
Speaker:and
Speaker:engaged,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:watches
Speaker:the
Speaker:waiter as the guy
Speaker:hurries
Speaker:back
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:bar. “Or
Speaker:was it
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:your
Speaker:brothers
Speaker:taking
Speaker:your
Speaker:shift
Speaker:so
Speaker:you
Speaker:can
Speaker:get
Speaker:high
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:back?”
Speaker:he
Speaker:says.
Speaker:Then
Speaker:he
Speaker:turns
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:crowd
Speaker:and
Speaker:makes
Speaker:up
Speaker:a
Speaker:story
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:spot. “Happened
Speaker:to
Speaker:me
Speaker:once
Speaker:in
Speaker:a
Speaker:restaurant.
Speaker:They
Speaker:had
Speaker:two
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:waiters
Speaker:working
Speaker:and
Speaker:two
Speaker:out
Speaker:back
Speaker:in
Speaker:an alley,
Speaker:and
Speaker:they’d
Speaker:change
Speaker:places
Speaker:so
Speaker:none
Speaker:of
Speaker:them
Speaker:had
Speaker:to
Speaker:work
Speaker:a
Speaker:full
Speaker:shift.
Speaker:You
Speaker:know,
Speaker:if
Speaker:I
Speaker:wanted
Speaker:to
Speaker:see
Speaker:the
Speaker:shell
Speaker:game
Speaker:I’d
Speaker:go
Speaker:down
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:pier
Speaker:and
Speaker:let
Speaker:Shifty
Speaker:Pete
Speaker:play it.
Speaker:That
Speaker:fox
Speaker:might
Speaker:be
Speaker:a
Speaker:con
Speaker:artist,
Speaker:a
Speaker:crook,
Speaker:and
Speaker:a
Speaker:lowlife scum…”
Speaker:He
Speaker:pauses
Speaker:for
Speaker:effect,
Speaker:the
Speaker:crowd
Speaker:with
Speaker:him. “But
Speaker:at
Speaker:least
Speaker:he
Speaker:commits
Speaker:to
Speaker:his
Speaker:job.”
The
armadillo
Speaker:brings
Speaker:back
Speaker:the
Speaker:club
Speaker:soda,
Speaker:cold
Speaker:and
Speaker:fizzy.
Speaker:Mahari
Speaker:drinks
Speaker:it,
Speaker:nods,
Speaker:and
Speaker:goes
Speaker:back
Speaker:to
Speaker:his
Speaker:bit.
Speaker:And
Speaker:the
Speaker:crowd
Speaker:sinks
Speaker:back
Speaker:into
Speaker:their
Speaker:seats.
After
the
Speaker:show,
Speaker:he
Speaker:tracks
Speaker:down
Speaker:the
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:waiter. “Yes,
Speaker:sir?”
Speaker:the
Speaker:guy
Speaker:says,
Speaker:guarded.
Mahari
holds
Speaker:out
Speaker:a
Speaker:five.
Speaker:It’ll
Speaker:mean
Speaker:one
Speaker:less drink
Speaker:tomorrow
Speaker:night,
Speaker:but
Speaker:he’d
Speaker:rather
Speaker:go
Speaker:without
Speaker:than
Speaker:feel
Speaker:bad
Speaker:about
Speaker:humiliating
Speaker:this
Speaker:waiter
Speaker:in front of
Speaker:the
Speaker:club. “Sorry
Speaker:I
Speaker:snapped.
Speaker:Just
Speaker:the
Speaker:set
Speaker:was
Speaker:going
Speaker:shitty
Speaker:and
Speaker:you
Speaker:know,
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:those
Speaker:nights.”
Blunt
claws
Speaker:close
Speaker:over
Speaker:the
Speaker:bill. It
Speaker:disappears
Speaker:into
Speaker:the
Speaker:apron. “Thank
Speaker:you,
Speaker:sir.
Speaker:I’ll
Speaker:remember
Speaker:your
Speaker:order
Speaker:next
Speaker:time.”
The
wolf
Speaker:nods
Speaker:and
Speaker:goes
Speaker:out
Speaker:into
Speaker:the
Speaker:Crystal
Speaker:City
Speaker:drizzle,
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:those
Speaker:nights that
Speaker:smells
Speaker:like
Speaker:cars
Speaker:and
Speaker:wet
Speaker:fur
Speaker:and
Speaker:smog
Speaker:and
Speaker:makes
Speaker:you
Speaker:wonder
Speaker:how
Speaker:many
Speaker:years
Speaker:you’re
Speaker:going
Speaker:to
Speaker:subject
Speaker:yourself
Speaker:to
Speaker:it before you
Speaker:wise
Speaker:up
Speaker:and move
Speaker:back
Speaker:home
Speaker:to
Speaker:Pelagia.
Speaker:This
Speaker:life,
Speaker:this
Speaker:fucking
Speaker:life,
Speaker:scraping
Speaker:by.
Speaker:Getting
Speaker:back
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:apartment
Speaker:and
Speaker:the
Speaker:smell
Speaker:of
Speaker:stale
Speaker:beer
Speaker:and
Speaker:raccoon
Speaker:and
Speaker:wolf
Speaker:and
Speaker:mouse,
Speaker:probably
Speaker:seeped
Speaker:into
Speaker:the
Speaker:wood
Speaker:by
Speaker:now
Speaker:they’ve
Speaker:been
Speaker:there
Speaker:so
Speaker:long. The
Speaker:poster
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:wall of
Speaker:the
Speaker:time
Speaker:Chet
Speaker:was
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:undercard
Speaker:with
Speaker:the
Speaker:comedian
Speaker:who
Speaker:got
Speaker:his
Speaker:own
Speaker:show (so
Speaker:long
Speaker:ago
Speaker:the
Speaker:show’s
Speaker:already
Speaker:aired
Speaker:and been
Speaker:canceled),
Speaker:the
Speaker:picture
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:three
Speaker:of
Speaker:them
Speaker:at
Speaker:the
Speaker:Improv
Speaker:in ’03,
Speaker:the
Speaker:dry-erase board
Speaker:with
Speaker:the
Speaker:grocery list
Speaker:and “BEER”
Speaker:below
Speaker:it
Speaker:in
Speaker:letters
Speaker:so
Speaker:old
Speaker:they
Speaker:couldn’t
Speaker:be
Speaker:erased
Speaker:anymore
Speaker:and
Speaker:nobody
Speaker:remembered
Speaker:which
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:them
Speaker:had
Speaker:written
Speaker:it.
“How
was
Speaker:the
Speaker:crowd?”
Speaker:Koro,
Speaker:the
Speaker:mouse,
Speaker:lies
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:couch
Speaker:wearing
Speaker:nothing
Speaker:but
Speaker:striped boxer shorts.
Speaker:On
Speaker:the TV,
Speaker:the
Speaker:Tonight
Speaker:Show
Speaker:blares,
Speaker:the
Speaker:red
Speaker:fox
Speaker:host in his
Speaker:crisp
Speaker:suit
Speaker:smiling
Speaker:at
Speaker:some
Speaker:gazelle
Speaker:in a
Speaker:sheer
Speaker:purple
Speaker:gown.
“Same
as
Speaker:usual. How’s Moreno?” Mahari
Speaker:inclines
Speaker:his
Speaker:head
Speaker:toward
Speaker:the
Speaker:TV.
“Couple
jokes
Speaker:about
Speaker:Congress,
Speaker:one
Speaker:about
Speaker:that
Speaker:hacker
Speaker:they
Speaker:caught.
Speaker:Pretty
Speaker:good
Speaker:stuff.”
Speaker:Koro
Speaker:shifts
Speaker:his
Speaker:legs
Speaker:to
Speaker:make
Speaker:room,
Speaker:but
Speaker:Mahari
Speaker:shakes
Speaker:his
Speaker:head.
“I
got
Speaker:a
Speaker:couple
Speaker:ideas
Speaker:I’m
Speaker:gonna work on. I’ll run them by you tomorrow.”
“Awesome. Hey,
Chet’s
Speaker:out
Speaker:tonight
Speaker:with
Speaker:that
Speaker:leopard
Speaker:chick,
Speaker:so
Speaker:if
Speaker:you
Speaker:want
Speaker:the
Speaker:main
Speaker:stage,
Speaker:you
Speaker:can
Speaker:have
Speaker:it.”
“Thanks.”
Mahari
Speaker:takes
Speaker:his
Speaker:spiral
Speaker:notebook
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:single-bed room.
Speaker:He
Speaker:has
Speaker:a
Speaker:laptop
Speaker:for
Speaker:later
Speaker:stages
Speaker:of
Speaker:editing
Speaker:and e-mail,
Speaker:but
Speaker:he
Speaker:finds
Speaker:it
Speaker:easier
Speaker:to
Speaker:work
Speaker:material
Speaker:by
Speaker:hand.
What were
those
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:jokes
Speaker:they
Speaker:used
Speaker:to
Speaker:tell
Speaker:in
Speaker:elementary
Speaker:school?
Speaker:He can’t
Speaker:take
Speaker:the
Speaker:jokes
Speaker:themselves,
Speaker:of
Speaker:course;
Speaker:they’re
Speaker:far
Speaker:too
Speaker:juvenile.
Speaker:But
Speaker:he
Speaker:can
Speaker:take
Speaker:the
Speaker:spirit
Speaker:of
Speaker:them,
Speaker:update
Speaker:them
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:modern
Speaker:day,
Speaker:mature
Speaker:them
Speaker:a
Speaker:bit.
Speaker:He’s
Speaker:barely
Speaker:seen
Speaker:any
Speaker:armadillos
Speaker:around
Speaker:and
Speaker:the
Speaker:people
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:club
Speaker:really
Speaker:reacted
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:jokes
Speaker:even
Speaker:though
Speaker:there
Speaker:was
Speaker:one
Speaker:right
Speaker:there
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:room.
It’s
a
Speaker:longshot,
Speaker:but
Speaker:there
Speaker:aren’t
Speaker:any
Speaker:more
Speaker:even-odds
Speaker:plays
Speaker:for
Speaker:him.
Speaker:He
Speaker:knows
Speaker:even
Speaker:as
Speaker:he
Speaker:starts
Speaker:formulating
Speaker:the
Speaker:jokes
Speaker:that
Speaker:they’ll
Speaker:probably
Speaker:fall
Speaker:flat,
Speaker:he’ll
Speaker:abandon
Speaker:the
Speaker:material
Speaker:after
Speaker:a
Speaker:half-dozen
Speaker:shows,
Speaker:and
Speaker:that’ll
Speaker:be
Speaker:the
Speaker:end
Speaker:of
Speaker:it.
Speaker:Maybe
Speaker:that’ll
Speaker:be
Speaker:the
Speaker:end
Speaker:of
Speaker:him,
Speaker:too.
Speaker:His
Speaker:back
Speaker:hurts
Speaker:more
Speaker:days
Speaker:than
Speaker:not,
Speaker:the
Speaker:smell
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:apartment
Speaker:is
Speaker:getting
Speaker:to
Speaker:him,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:only
Speaker:a
Speaker:couple
Speaker:years
Speaker:past
Speaker:thirty.
Speaker:The
Speaker:idea
Speaker:of
Speaker:living
Speaker:with
Speaker:his
Speaker:folks
Speaker:and
Speaker:selling
Speaker:insurance
Speaker:while
Speaker:he
Speaker:maybe
Speaker:does
Speaker:community
Speaker:theater
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:side
Speaker:isn’t
Speaker:sounding
Speaker:as
Speaker:dreadful
Speaker:these
Speaker:days.
Speaker:The
Speaker:audiences
Speaker:wouldn’t
Speaker:be
Speaker:any
Speaker:smaller,
Speaker:for
Speaker:sure.
*
Chet’s
got
Speaker:his
Speaker:laptop
Speaker:out. “You hit
Speaker:a
Speaker:thousand
Speaker:views.”
Mahari
pauses
Speaker:Mortal
Speaker:Kombat,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:and
Speaker:Koro
Speaker:look
Speaker:over
Speaker:at
Speaker:the
Speaker:raccoon. “Which
Speaker:one?”
“Looks
like…Lucky 13s.
Speaker:Uploaded
Speaker:two
Speaker:days
Speaker:ago.
Speaker:It’s
Speaker:your
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:bit. I
Speaker:thought
Speaker:you
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:upload
Speaker:that.”
That
last
Speaker:sentence
Speaker:is
Speaker:spoken
Speaker:in
Speaker:less
Speaker:enthusiastic
Speaker:tones. Mahari
Speaker:leaves
Speaker:their
Speaker:argument
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:past
Speaker:where it
Speaker:belongs. “I
Speaker:didn’t.
Speaker:There
Speaker:were
Speaker:a
Speaker:couple
Speaker:guys
Speaker:holding
Speaker:their
Speaker:phones
Speaker:up
Speaker:the
Speaker:whole
Speaker:time.
Speaker:Guess
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:them
Speaker:tagged
Speaker:me?”
Koro holds up a paw for Mahari to slap while the
wolf
Speaker:digs
Speaker:out his
Speaker:phone
Speaker:with his other
Speaker:paw.
Speaker:He
Speaker:hasn’t
Speaker:checked
Speaker:his
Speaker:YouTube
Speaker:in
Speaker:a
Speaker:couple
Speaker:days,
Speaker:but
Speaker:there’s
Speaker:the
Speaker:follower
Speaker:count,
Speaker:three
Speaker:times—four times as big as he’s ever seen it. “Congratulations,”
Speaker:Koro says. “That
Speaker:and
Speaker:four
Speaker:bucks’ll
Speaker:get
Speaker:you
Speaker:a
Speaker:latte.”
“Guess
I
Speaker:can
Speaker:upgrade
Speaker:my
Speaker:ChatSpace to
Speaker:Platinum
Speaker:with all
Speaker:those
Speaker:virtual
Speaker:dollars
Speaker:I’ll
Speaker:be
Speaker:raking
Speaker:in.”
Speaker:But
Speaker:his
Speaker:ears
Speaker:are
Speaker:perked
Speaker:and
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:intrigued.
Speaker:He
Speaker:puts
Speaker:together
Speaker:a
Speaker:short
Speaker:video
Speaker:promoting
Speaker:his
Speaker:next
Speaker:show
Speaker:and
Speaker:works
Speaker:to
Speaker:make
Speaker:the
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:bit
Speaker:the
Speaker:centerpiece.
And
miracle
Speaker:of
Speaker:miracles,
Speaker:there
Speaker:are
Speaker:people
Speaker:there,
Speaker:not
Speaker:a
Speaker:packed
Speaker:house,
Speaker:but
Speaker:the
Speaker:closest
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:seen
Speaker:in
Speaker:years.
Speaker:The
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:stuff
Speaker:kills.
Speaker:And
Speaker:the
Speaker:next
Speaker:show
Speaker:is
Speaker:packed,
Speaker:sold
Speaker:out.
Speaker:Sold
Speaker:out!
Speaker:Things
Speaker:start
Speaker:to
Speaker:happen;
Speaker:his
Speaker:agent
Speaker:calls
Speaker:him,
Speaker:for
Speaker:one.
Speaker:That’s
Speaker:only
Speaker:happened
Speaker:twice
Speaker:in
Speaker:the last
Speaker:six
Speaker:years.
Speaker:He
Speaker:packs
Speaker:another
Speaker:two
Speaker:clubs
Speaker:the
Speaker:following
Speaker:week
Speaker:and
Speaker:uploads
Speaker:his
Speaker:own
Speaker:video
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:bit,
Speaker:made
Speaker:at
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:shows
Speaker:with
Speaker:Koro’s
Speaker:help (Chet
Speaker:refuses).
Speaker:In days it
Speaker:becomes
Speaker:his
Speaker:most-watched
Speaker:video
Speaker:by
Speaker:a
Speaker:factor
Speaker:of
Speaker:a
Speaker:hundred.
“Get
on
Speaker:social
Speaker:media,”
Speaker:his
Speaker:agent
Speaker:tells
Speaker:him,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:doesn’t
Speaker:say, “I
Speaker:already
Speaker:am,”
Speaker:just
Speaker:posts
Speaker:another
Speaker:video
Speaker:and
Speaker:crafts
Speaker:more
Speaker:jokes.
Speaker:He
Speaker:tries
Speaker:to
Speaker:get
Speaker:away
Speaker:from
Speaker:the
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:stuff,
Speaker:but
Speaker:the
Speaker:other
Speaker:jokes
Speaker:don’t
Speaker:take
Speaker:off.
Speaker:People
Speaker:comment, “This
Speaker:shit
Speaker:isn’t
Speaker:funny,”
Speaker:and
Speaker:less
Speaker:polite
Speaker:variants
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:sentiment.
Other
people
Speaker:say
Speaker:that
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:comments
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:jokes,
Speaker:too. “This
Speaker:speciesist
Speaker:aggression
Speaker:is
Speaker:harmful,”
Speaker:some
Speaker:people
Speaker:say,
Speaker:but
Speaker:other
Speaker:fans
Speaker:shout
Speaker:them
Speaker:down,
Speaker:telling
Speaker:them
Speaker:to “get
Speaker:a
Speaker:life”
Speaker:or “get
Speaker:a
Speaker:sense
Speaker:of
Speaker:humor,”
Speaker:so Mahari
Speaker:doesn’t
Speaker:feel
Speaker:like
Speaker:he
Speaker:has
Speaker:to
Speaker:do
Speaker:anything
Speaker:about
Speaker:it.
Speaker:He
Speaker:works on
Speaker:another
Speaker:set
Speaker:of
Speaker:jokes
Speaker:with
Speaker:Koro so he
Speaker:has new
Speaker:material,
Speaker:and
Speaker:that’s when
Speaker:his
Speaker:agent
Speaker:calls
Speaker:about
Speaker:the
Speaker:tour.
*
Chet
corners
Speaker:him
Speaker:before
Speaker:he
Speaker:goes. “Don’t
Speaker:do
Speaker:this
Speaker:shit,”
Speaker:he
Speaker:says. “It
Speaker:ain’t
Speaker:cool.”
“It’s
just
Speaker:jokes.”
Speaker:Mahari
Speaker:wags
Speaker:his
Speaker:tail
Speaker:and
Speaker:laughs
Speaker:it
Speaker:off. “If
Speaker:we’re
Speaker:not
Speaker:allowed
Speaker:to
Speaker:joke
Speaker:about
Speaker:speciesism,
Speaker:how
Speaker:can
Speaker:we
Speaker:talk
Speaker:about
Speaker:it?”
Speaker:That’s
Speaker:something
Speaker:one
Speaker:of
Speaker:his
Speaker:fans
Speaker:said,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:likes
Speaker:the
Speaker:sound
Speaker:of
Speaker:it.
Speaker:This
Speaker:is
Speaker:what
Speaker:success
Speaker:feels
Speaker:like,
Speaker:people
Speaker:propping
Speaker:you
Speaker:up,
Speaker:having
Speaker:your
Speaker:back.
“You’re
not
Speaker:talking
Speaker:about
Speaker:it,”
Speaker:Chet
Speaker:says. “You’re
Speaker:encouraging
Speaker:it.”
“By
making
Speaker:ridiculous
Speaker:jokes,
Speaker:I’m
Speaker:showing
Speaker:how
Speaker:silly
Speaker:it
Speaker:is.
Speaker:Come
Speaker:on,
Speaker:if
Speaker:the
Speaker:biggest
Speaker:platform
Speaker:for
Speaker:anti-armadillo
Speaker:sentiment
Speaker:is
Speaker:a
Speaker:comedian
Speaker:who
Speaker:doesn’t
Speaker:even
Speaker:believe
Speaker:in
Speaker:it,
Speaker:what
Speaker:does
Speaker:that
Speaker:say
Speaker:about
Speaker:it?”
Speaker:He
Speaker:came
Speaker:up
Speaker:with
Speaker:that
Speaker:one
Speaker:himself.
The
raccoon
Speaker:shakes
Speaker:his
Speaker:head. “Your
Speaker:fans
Speaker:aren’t
Speaker:putting
Speaker:that
Speaker:much
Speaker:thought
Speaker:into
Speaker:it.
Speaker:Why
Speaker:don’t
Speaker:you
Speaker:make
Speaker:fun
Speaker:of
Speaker:people
Speaker:who
Speaker:make
Speaker:fun
Speaker:of
Speaker:armadillos?”
“Because
nobody
Speaker:wants
Speaker:to
Speaker:see
Speaker:that,”
Speaker:Mahari
Speaker:says.
Speaker:What
Speaker:does
Speaker:Chet know?
Speaker:He
Speaker:still
Speaker:lives
Speaker:in
Speaker:this
Speaker:crappy
Speaker:apartment.
Speaker:He’s
Speaker:not
Speaker:better
Speaker:than
Speaker:Mahari.
He
leaves
Speaker:the
Speaker:argument
Speaker:there,
Speaker:in
Speaker:Crystal
Speaker:City
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:crappy
Speaker:apartment,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:lives
Speaker:in
Speaker:hotels
Speaker:for
Speaker:three
Speaker:weeks.
Speaker:Not
Speaker:Motel 6s,
Speaker:either;
Speaker:nice
Speaker:places
Speaker:with
Speaker:names
Speaker:that
Speaker:show
Speaker:up
Speaker:in
Speaker:commercials
Speaker:and
Speaker:movies
Speaker:about
Speaker:rich
Speaker:people.
Speaker:The
Speaker:beds
Speaker:are
Speaker:soft
Speaker:and
Speaker:smell
Speaker:amazing,
Speaker:and
Speaker:the
Speaker:fur
Speaker:dryers
Speaker:are
Speaker:good
Speaker:enough
Speaker:to
Speaker:get
Speaker:his
Speaker:fur
Speaker:all
Speaker:the
Speaker:way
Speaker:dry
Speaker:before
Speaker:he
Speaker:goes
Speaker:out,
Speaker:soft
Speaker:and
Speaker:scented.
And
after
Speaker:every
Speaker:show
Speaker:now,
Speaker:there
Speaker:are
Speaker:fans
Speaker:waiting
Speaker:for
Speaker:him
Speaker:outside
Speaker:to
Speaker:have
Speaker:him
Speaker:sign
Speaker:tickets,
Speaker:autograph
Speaker:books,
Speaker:whatever.
Speaker:One
Speaker:little
Speaker:wolf
Speaker:cub
Speaker:asks
Speaker:him
Speaker:to
Speaker:sign
Speaker:the
Speaker:cast
Speaker:on
Speaker:his
Speaker:broken
Speaker:arm.
Speaker:More
Speaker:often
Speaker:than
Speaker:not
Speaker:he
Speaker:gets
Speaker:laid
Speaker:after
Speaker:the
Speaker:shows,
Speaker:too,
Speaker:especially
Speaker:when
Speaker:he
Speaker:puts
Speaker:his “bad
Speaker:boyfriend”
Speaker:bits
Speaker:in
Speaker:the
Speaker:act.
Speaker:Those
Speaker:bits
Speaker:do
Speaker:well
Speaker:now.
Speaker:People
Speaker:come
Speaker:to his
Speaker:shows
Speaker:wanting
Speaker:to
Speaker:laugh,
Speaker:knowing
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:famous,
Speaker:and
Speaker:stuff
Speaker:that
Speaker:didn’t
Speaker:work
Speaker:before
Speaker:works
Speaker:better
Speaker:now.
Speaker:His
Speaker:agent
Speaker:tells
Speaker:him
Speaker:there’s
Speaker:interest
Speaker:in
Speaker:a
Speaker:special,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:says
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:got
Speaker:plenty
Speaker:of
Speaker:material,
Speaker:twelve
Speaker:years
Speaker:worth, a
Speaker:few
Speaker:bits
Speaker:that
Speaker:worked
Speaker:well
Speaker:but
Speaker:he
Speaker:had
Speaker:to
Speaker:retire
Speaker:them
Speaker:because
Speaker:he
Speaker:got
Speaker:bored
Speaker:of
Speaker:them
Speaker:and
Speaker:couldn’t ever
Speaker:put
Speaker:them
Speaker:together
Speaker:with
Speaker:other
Speaker:good
Speaker:stuff.
Speaker:She
Speaker:says
Speaker:to
Speaker:pick
Speaker:the
Speaker:best
Speaker:ones
Speaker:and
Speaker:for
Speaker:God’s
Speaker:sake
Speaker:put
Speaker:the
Speaker:armadillo
Speaker:stuff
Speaker:on
Speaker:the
Speaker:list.
He
works
Speaker:up
Speaker:some
Speaker:other
Speaker:new stuff.
Speaker:The
Speaker:material
Speaker:is
Speaker:good,
Speaker:not
Speaker:great;
Speaker:it
Speaker:doesn’t
Speaker:kill,
Speaker:but
Speaker:it
Speaker:keeps
Speaker:the
Speaker:people
Speaker:entertained.
Speaker:He
Speaker:knows
Speaker:why
Speaker:they’re
Speaker:there,
Speaker:every
Speaker:night.
Speaker:So
Speaker:he
Speaker:does
Speaker:a
Speaker:little
Speaker:research
Speaker:into
Speaker:armadillos
Speaker:and
Speaker:finds
Speaker:a
Speaker:few
Speaker:things
Speaker:out.
Speaker:Like
Speaker:how
Speaker:because
Speaker:they
Speaker:have
Speaker:quadruplets
Speaker:every
Speaker:time,
Speaker:there
Speaker:are
Speaker:special
Speaker:child care
Speaker:clauses
Speaker:in the
Speaker:government
Speaker:assistance
Speaker:programs
Speaker:in
Speaker:some
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:more
Speaker:liberal
Speaker:states.
Speaker:They
Speaker:qualify for
Speaker:home-schooling
Speaker:more
Speaker:easily.
Speaker:Many
Speaker:armadillos
Speaker:are
Speaker:here
Speaker:illegally,
Speaker:because
Speaker:they’re
Speaker:more
Speaker:common
Speaker:in
Speaker:Sonora
Speaker:and
Speaker:other
Speaker:countries
Speaker:to
Speaker:the
Speaker:south,
Speaker:and
Speaker:they
Speaker:often
Speaker:come
Speaker:up
Speaker:in
Speaker:family
Speaker:groups.
Some
of
Speaker:that
Speaker:goes
Speaker:into
Speaker:his
Speaker:new
Speaker:material,
Speaker:and
Speaker:he
Speaker:tosses
Speaker:in
Speaker:some
Speaker:of
Speaker:the
Speaker:other
Speaker:anti-government
Speaker:stuff
Speaker:he’s
Speaker:accumulated
Speaker:over
Speaker:the
Speaker:years.
Speaker:People
Speaker:eat
Speaker:that
Speaker:shit
Speaker:up.
Speaker:He
Speaker:headlines
Speaker:some
Speaker:smaller
Speaker:clubs,
Speaker:does
Speaker:radio
Speaker:interviews
Speaker:when
Speaker:he
Speaker:comes
Speaker:into
Speaker:town, and
Speaker:one
Speaker:southern
Speaker:town
Speaker:contacts
Speaker:his
Speaker:agent
Speaker:to
Speaker:find
Speaker:out
Speaker:if
Speaker:he’d
Speaker:like
Speaker:to
Speaker:be
Speaker:their
Speaker:morning
Speaker:personality (he
Speaker:would
Speaker:not).
Speaker:His
Speaker:parents
Speaker:congratulate
Speaker:him
Speaker:on
Speaker:his
Speaker:success,
Speaker:but
Speaker:in
Speaker:a
Speaker:guarded
Speaker:way.
Speaker:The
Speaker:conversation
Speaker:is
Speaker:pleasant,
Speaker:but
Speaker:the
Speaker:words
Speaker:that
Speaker:aren’t
Speaker:spoken
Speaker:ring
Speaker:louder
Speaker:than
Speaker:the
Speaker:words
Speaker:that
are:are:
They
are:don’t
are:say
are:they
are:think
are:he’s
are:funny.
are:They
are:don’t
are:say
are:they’re
are:proud
are:of him.
Some
parts
are:of
are:the
are:country
are:are
are:harder
are:than
are:others
are:to
are:break
are:into.
are:In
are:the
are:big
are:cities,
are:he
are:draws
are:crowds,
are:but
are:they’re
are:not
are:all
are:enthusiastic.
are:It’s
are:usually
are:after
are:one
are:of
are:those
are:city
are:shows
are:that
are:he
are:gets
are:a
are:lot
are:of
are:negative
are:comments
are:on
are:YouTube and
are:Twitter.
are:But
are:more
are:and
are:more,
are:his
are:fans
are:stick
are:up
are:for
are:him,
are:telling
are:him
are:to
are:resist
are:the “liberal
are:elite”
are:pressure
are:to
are:conform,
are:to
are:keep
are:doing
are:what
are:he’s
are:doing,
are:that
are:he’s
are:their
are:hero.
are:It
are:feels
are:good.
This
was
are:the
are:first
are:of
are:two
are:parts
are:of “That’s
are:A
are:Good
are:One”
are:by Kyell Gold, read
are:for you
are:by
are:Rob
are:MacWolf,
are:werewolf
are:hitchhiker.
are:Tune
are:in
are:next
are:time to
are:find
are:out
are:how
are:Mahari
are:learns
are:the
are:price
are:of
are:success.
As
always,
are:you
are:can
are:find
are:more
are:stories
are:on
are:the
are:web
are:at thevoice.dog,
are:or
are:find
are:the
are:show
are:wherever
are:you
are:get
are:your
are:podcasts.
are:Thank
are:you
are:for
are:listening
are:to
are:The
are:Voice
are:of
are:Dog.