You've tried to change something and slipped back into the same loop. You concluded you lacked discipline. Alan Bodnar's work says that conclusion is the mistake, and that it's costing you more than the loop is.
Most of what you do isn't chosen. An automatic system is generating your first thought, reaction, and assumption about everything you meet, and you're the conscious driver making sense of it afterward. This conversation reframes change from a battle of willpower into something quieter and more workable: noticing, then choosing where your attention goes. You'll leave with a way to see your own behavior without the shame attached, and one concrete thing to do the next time you catch yourself mid-loop.
About the Guest:
Alan Bodnar spent a decade researching over 500 books on neuroscience, behavior, AI, and mindfulness, testing each idea on himself, and distilled the result into an original framework in his book The Self-Driving You. His aim is self-help with real substance: making the question of who we are genuinely understandable and usable.
Key Takeaways:
- Two systems run you. The automatic one is always on and produces your first thought, reaction, and belief. The conscious one flickers on intermittently. You identify with the second, but the first does most of the driving.
- The autopilot isn't the enemy. It usually does its job well. The work is noticing when it's stuck and offering an alternative.
- It's not personal. You didn't fail at willpower. You attached to an automatic response and assumed it was true.
- It all comes down to attention. The brain wires patterns impartially through what you repeat. Deliberate attention is how you take the wheel.
- Slowing your breath applies the brake. Alan's framing: the stress response is the accelerator, the parasympathetic system is the brake, and breath is how you reach for it mid-loop.
- Rewiring takes years, not a weekend. Five years in, Alan is less reactive but hasn't changed everything. He says so plainly.
Connect With the Guest:
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Welcome to Mind Over Matter: the self-driving you
[02:02] Who's Actually Driving: the two systems behind every decision
[06:51] It's Not Personal: why willpower was never the problem
[08:10] 500 Audiobooks and a Fear of Public Speaking: Alan as his own test subject
[11:58] Always On: the autopilot in an ordinary day
[13:06] Deliberate Attention: finding the brake mid-loop
[17:36] Mindfulness as Mental Training: rewiring over years, not weekends
[22:10] Where to Find Alan and the Book
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