There are some blogs you sit down and plan, and then there are the ones that keep coming back when you’re trying to switch off.

This episode is about one of those.

It started with something I kept noticing about counsellors, and the more I saw it, the harder it became to ignore. Not just what people were struggling with, but what they were making it mean about themselves… and how much weight that was carrying.

I didn’t set out to write a blog about it. I just found myself wanting to say something to those people.

This is about what happened next, and why I nearly didn’t share it.

🔗 The open letters I mentioned

If you want to see the kind of blogs I’m talking about, these are the ones that came from moments like that:

An open letter to therapists with mental health issues

An open letter to new counsellors and therapists

An open letter to the counsellor who’s finding marketing hard

Dear Santa

🌱 Want to try writing one?

This month’s Framework First walks you through exactly how to write this kind of blog, step by step: Framework First Blogging Method

👋 New here?

If this is the first time you’ve come across my work, this is the best place to start: Start Here

There's a type of blog that I keep coming back to, but this type of blog is something that actually looks different from all the others, and it feels really different to write as well. And it tends to get a very different kind of response because it's the type of post where people reply. You know, I love getting emails, and these emails tend to say something like, "It's like you were in my head," or, "I feel like you've just described exactly where I am."

Now, I nearly didn't publish the first one, and that's what I want to talk to you about today. So, let's dive in.

Hi, and welcome to the Grow Your Private Practice show. I'm Jane Travis, and I help counselors and therapists to get found more easily by the right clients, not by shouting louder, but by choosing the words that feel clear, real, and relatable.

So if your marketing feels like a little bit of a mystery at times, then you are in the right place.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back. And if this is your first time here, it's great that you found us. I'm recording this on a really beautiful sunshiny day. So after I've recorded this, I'm gonna pack Kim, that's my dog, into the car and take her for a coffee somewhere, though, to be honest, I'm looking at her at the moment, and she's just happy sunbathing.

So I might just take my book and, you know, join her and sunbathe as well. So anyway. So what am I talking about today? Today, I'm talking about something called an open letter. Now, the very first open letter that I wrote didn't start off as a blog. So let me tell you the story. So basically, I was lying in bed, you know, as you do, trying to switch off, and I had a thought that just kept coming back to me and back to me, and it just wouldn't go away.

It was like I was writing a letter in my head, and I was just kind of just... It just kept, like, shouting at me really. Now, at the time, I was working closely with therapists and also drawing on my own experience as a counselor, you know, and I'd been noticing something over and over again, and that is that therapists often struggle with their own mental health issues.

But more than that, this struggle is-- it affects what people thought it meant about themselves. You know, like if you struggle with mental health in any way, it's, it kind of says something about your ability, which of course it doesn't. Like it might define the kind of counselor that they'd be, which of course it doesn't.

And once I'd realized this, I really couldn't stop. I couldn't let it, you know, couldn't let go of it, basically. So it just stayed there, and I could really feel that pull to say something, you know, a really clear sense of, you know, they need to hear this message. So here's what happened. I got up, I went and found a notepad, and I started scribbling. You know, I wasn't thinking about structure or what it was gonna sound like. I just needed to get those thoughts out of my head whilst they were still there.

Because I don't know about you, if I'd have not s- if I'd have not done this, the next day I might not have had such clarity. And if I'm honest, when I wrote it, it was because I just wanted to... It might sound a bit daft, but I kind of wanted to give them a great big hug, which isn't something you can do very easily in a blog, probably for the best.

But yeah, so, so I wrote it. So I, I turned my scribbles and my thoughts into a blog, and then, well, I nearly didn't publish it, because that sometimes is the way it goes, isn't it? But... And the reason I didn't publish it to start with, because it all felt a little bit more personal, because it included something about my own experience.

Because I struggle with my own mental health. I have done for years, and although gradually it gets better and better, that doesn't mean that I don't sometimes feel as though I've been slapped around the face by life and just sort of gone down the, the snake from the Snakes and Ladders. And, you know, if you, if you've ever had mental health issues, you'll understand what I mean.

So yeah, because it felt so personal, because it talked a bit more about me, I was quite worried what people would make of it. So like I said, I just hovered over the publish button for a while, long enough, really, to consider closing the laptop and pretending the whole thing hadn't happened. But that's not what I did.

I actually shared it. So what happened? Well, nothing really. Nothing dramatic happened, because that's how it is with a blog. You know, you don't put a blog out there and suddenly, you know, loads of things go on. You just put a blog out there, and it just does its work, you know, just gets out there and helps people to find you.

So, you know, there wasn't a big sudden rush of inquiries, which wasn't really the purpose of doing this type of blog. You know, there wasn't a big spike in numbers. There was no moment where I thought, "Well, hey, that's my marketing strategy sorted then." But I did start getting emails, and this is the thing that I...

I love getting emails. So I was getting people that were saying, "Do you know, I thought it was just me," or, "This is exactly where I am at the moment." And that was the moment that it really clicked for me. This kind of writing does something completely different Because most blogs, they're kind of built around making a point of some description.

So it might be that you're explaining something, or you're walking somebody through something, or helping them to understand a process, or even sharing tips. But open letters, well, they come from somewhere else. They start- by seeing something clearly in the people that you work with, and feeling that pull to respond to it, and that's what happened with me.

It was like a compulsion. I just, I just had stuff in my head that I needed to get out there, and that's been true for every one that I've written. I've now written, I think, four. I've got a feeling I've done one, you know, back in the day. And usually what happens, it's, it's exactly this process. Something will be sitting in the background for a while, and I'll notice it, you know, a pattern, and a conversation maybe that I've had more than once or seen other people having more than once, and it becomes a thought that it just doesn't quite leave you alone.

And, you know, it might be something like a new therapist wondering if they're cut out for this, or it might be something like counselors trying to market their work and feel like they're missing something obvious or, you know, wondering if everybody else has got a manual and they've somehow missed it.

And it's that same feeling each time. It's a feeling that I don't want them sitting with this on their own. Now, over time, these have shown up in slightly different ways, but the starting point has always been the same, and that is that I've noticed something, a pattern that starts to stick. You know, I see something that people are struggling with, and more importantly, I can see that this thing that they're struggling with is starting them to think that it's meaning something about themselves, and that's the bit that tends to stay with me. So instead of just thinking, "Oh, I'm struggling to do this-" I'm struggling to do marketing, therefore, I just need to practice my skills. No, it's, it then morphs into I'm struggling to do marketing, therefore, I'm rubbish and I'll never be a good counselor.

And that's the bit that tends to stay with me. So look, here are some of the open letters that I've actually written, and obviously you can go and check them out if you want to. so I want to talk to you about them and what was going on behind them. So the first one was the open letter. Like I've said, the open letter to therapists that have mental health issues.

Now, this was the one that just kept coming back to me when I was trying to switch off, and I'd been noticing how many therapists were struggling. But what really stood out was kind of that layer underneath it. So it wasn't just the experience itself, it was the meaning that attached to it. So the assumption that by struggling with mental health issues, that meant that somehow it's gonna make them less capable or less suited to the work.

So that leap from I'm having a bit of a hard time to what does this say to me as a counselor? And at that time, that's what I felt was the part that I wanted to name because that was something that was... It kind of breaks my heart a little bit when, when something like that happens because once that thought takes hold, it can start to affect people's confidence and how people show up to their work.

So it might make them feel like they can't do it, and therefore they don't do the marketing, and then they don't get the clients, and it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and I don't want that. I don't want that for you. So writing that letter was about offering a different perspective, and it wasn't about dismissing the struggle, but it was about separating it from their ability as a therapist and recognizing that they would still have things to bring to the work. And that was the one that I nearly didn't publish 'cause it just felt very personal 'cause I talked about my own experiences.

I'm no stranger to mental health issues Another one was the open letter that I wrote to new counselors and therapists. And that one came about from watching people reach the point that they've been working towards for years. That is that they get qualified to be a counselor, and then they feel completely thrown by it.

You know, there's often this expectation that once you qualify, something will magically click into place, and you'll feel more grounded, you'll feel more certain, you'll feel more ready. And when that inevitably doesn't happen, it's easy to assume that you've missed something or that you weren't cut out to do this.

So I kept seeing that. I kept seeing that moment in the people. I, I saw it in Facebook groups. I saw it in people talking to me. Just all over the place. So I kept seeing that moment. You know, the second guessing, the I should know this by now, and the feeling of being just slightly out of step with everybody else. And that letter was all about meeting people there in that place, helping them to see that that feeling, that feeling of being unsure doesn't mean that they're not suited to the work.

In a lot of cases, it means that they care about doing really well, and that's a massive plus, isn't it? Another one was the open letter that I wrote to the counselor who's finding marketing hard, and this is one that comes up a lot. So this is when people are doing thoughtful, committed work with their clients, and then they find a completely different kind of challenge when it comes to being visible.

So it might be writing something and deleting it and starting again and going around in circles and kind of watching other people making it look straightforward and just thinking, you know, "What is it that I'm missing? What am I doing wrong? It's... Everybody else has, has got this all sorted." And the thing is, they haven't.

I can tell you now. It's not that everybody else has got it all sorted. It's because you're seeing the outward view of it. And again, it's not just the difficulty of the actual marketing, it's what gets layered in with that. So I'm finding this hard becomes I'm not very good at this, which then starts to affect your confidence in a more broad way. So that letter that I wrote was all about trying to slow that down, helping people to separate the learning process from the conclusions that they've drawn about themselves and their ability to be, you know, somebody that can do the marketing, get clients and, and grow a successful practice in whatever way they want it to be.

And then there's another one that I did actually. It's it's very different. It's actually a letter to Santa. It's actually called Dear Santa. Like I say, you can check these out. They'll all be in the show notes. This one looks very different on the surface, but it actually just comes from the same place.

So this is still about speaking directly to one person in the moment about something that feels real and familiar, but the tone shifts slightly. There's a little bit more room to play with it, but underneath it's doing the same thing. So in this letter to Santa, I'm basic- ... Well, I'm not gonna tell you all about it.

Go and check it out. But I'm basically saying to Santa, "All the counselors have been really good this year, so make sure you look after them." Something along those lines. Now, if you look at all of those different types of open letters, you'll see that they're responding to a similar pattern. So it's not just what people are experiencing, but it's what they're making those experiences mean about who they are.

And once you start noticing that, you'll see it everywhere. And when somebody reads something that's, that's reflecting back what they're already thinking to themselves, then something shifts. You know, they often find it easier to recognize their own experience and put words into it, and that sense of recognition can sometimes be the powerful starting point to making a change.

So if you're thinking about writing something like this yourself, it, it doesn't always come from just sitting down and just trying to come up with an idea. It tends to show up when you notice something that's happening in the counseling room or, or from even just around what's happening with your friends.

It shows up when something gets noticed and sticks into your head and you start to think, "Oh my goodness, people are thinking..." It's like almost like myth-busting. People are thinking this thing, but it's just not true. You know, it could be a moment, it could be a conversation, it could be, you know, just something that gets under your skin a bit and just doesn't quite go away.

So that tends to be how these sorts of things start. And if you've ever sat in a session and thought, "Do you know, I wish they could see it the way that I see it," that's exactly the sort of moment that I'm thinking of. So let me just give you some ideas of some of the things that you might consider. So if you're drawing a blank, here are a few starting points that might just make your brain start ticking over and thinking of these things. So you might start off by writing an open letter to the person who thinks they're too much. I think that's something we can often come across in the counseling rooms.

It might be as well that you might write an open letter to the person that keeps putting themselves last. You know, classic people pleaser, always looking after everybody else. You could write a heartfelt letter to them. You might want to write something to somebody who says, "Look, I just don't even know why I feel like this.

I feel such shame that everybody else is... They don't need any help." Or you might write something to the person that's holding everything together from the outside. Everybody thinks that they've got it all sorted. On the inside, they're absolutely falling apart. Or the client who feels guilty for needing help, you could write a letter to them.

Or maybe the one who always ends up in the same kind of relationship that's really bad for them. Or it could be to somebody who's tired of overthinking everything, or for the person who's fine, but they know that they're not really fine, or to the client who's scared to say what's actually going on for them.

Now, none of these are, like, massively, you know, earth-shattering moments, but these are moments that so many people feel. So writing a heartfelt open letter to people about one of these things is gonna help people to sort of see that and think, "Oh, crikey. Yeah, that's me," and recognize themselves. Now, in it, you don't need to cover everything, and you...

I promise you, you really don't need to get it perfect. You just need to recognize the moment and then respond to it. And if you're listening to this, and you are recognizing it, then there's a good chance that you've had moments like that too. You know, where a client says something, and it gets under your skin a bit, and you can hear what they're making it mean about themselves.

You can see it really clearly, and it stays with you. You know, that feeling of, "I wish they could see this the way that I see it." That's usually where these start. You know, they come from that pull to respond. So look, writing an open letter is something that really does, more than any blog post, I think, it really comes from the heart.

So if you'd like to turn that feeling into something you can actually write about and share, in this month's Framework First, we talk about exactly this, where I walk you through how to write an open letter step by step so that you're not trying to figure it out, work out how to start it, how to shape it.

You still bring your own voice, you still bring your own experience. It just gives you something to s- solid to work from, and it's £9, and you can use it to turn those moments into something that you can actually share. And you can find all the details of that in the link in the show notes. So go and check it out

Okay. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening to the Grow Your Private Practice show. If you've enjoyed today's episode, please make sure that you hit follow so that you don't miss the next one, and you'll always have a little bit of encouragement waiting for you in your podcast feed. I hope you enjoy the rest of this sunny day, and I look forward to speaking to you again soon.

You take care. Bye-bye.