In this episode of 'Dare to be Iconic,' Amanda spills the tea on breaking up with the past and falling in love with the future. She shares her personal journey of healing from breakups characterized by traumatic letters and how she reclaimed painful dates by creating new, joyful memories. Amanda emphasizes that healing is a non-linear process akin to a rollercoaster, involving backslides that are normal but not indicative of failure. Through her story, she illustrates how transforming pain into power involves reclaiming one's narrative and using past hurts as a foundation for resilience and strength.

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Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome to Dare to be Iconic

00:39 The Healing Rollercoaster

01:38 Spilling the Tea on Letters

03:14 Turning Pain into Power

05:37 The Five-Step Plan to Iconic Transformation

06:27 Reclaiming Your Story

07:50 Thank you, Next

What's up, radaint icons and welcome back to Dare To Be

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Iconic, the podcast made for icons

who are daring to be themselves.

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I'm your host, Amanda Paolicelli,

and for today's tea Time sesh, we

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are rewinding it all the way back.

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We are rewinding it back to season

one, episode two, one of the

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premier episodes, radiant Icons.

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Oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm

bringing this one back from the vault, but

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we are rewinding it back to break up with

the past, fall in love with the future.

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This episode in particular is so,

so monumental in my healing journey,

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especially when it comes to me healing

out loud and sharing my story when it

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comes to my dating violence relationship

that I experienced at 18 years old.

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In this episode in particular that

you're about to listen back to, it

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was the first episode ever where I

did speak about that relationship.

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I didn't label it, I didn't talk

about the specifics within that

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relationship, but I did talk about

it in a very short amount of time.

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That episode is very, very tiny.

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But you know what?

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I like it bite sized because at the

time, that is how much I could disclose.

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That's how much I was comfortable

with talking about it.

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And I think when I look back at my journey

of healing out loud, right, and using my

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voice when it comes to this particular

topic, dating violence, it's interesting

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seeing the episodes where I chose to

talk about it, but not specifically

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say what it was that I experienced.

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Right.

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The, the labeling to it.

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It was something that I was so scared and

afraid of saying that at 18 years old,

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I was in a dating violence relationship,

also known as intimate partner violence.

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I was so scared of owning that

truth of my story, and since we're

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looking back at two years at the pod.

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I think this episode is so

vital, even though it's one of

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the first episodes I ever aired.

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It's so vital in my journey of

learning how to use my voice

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because it was the beginning.

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It was the beginning where I

knew I could talk about it, but I

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could talk about it to the extent

of what I was comfortable with.

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'cause every time I chose to

share something about that

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relationship, it was always with

what am I comfortable with sharing?

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And you can see that throughout the

seasons in season one and season

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two, and in season three, where

you know, I finally, finally was

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comfortable with labeling what I

experienced in the "hot and healing:

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how to turn your pain into power."

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Right.

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Each season as time progressed, as I

progressed on my healing journey, I

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was getting more and more comfortable

with sharing my story, and talking

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about it, and starting conversations.

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And I think that's really cool.

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I think it's really cool that I can

see the evolution of myself when it

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comes to multiple storylines, right?

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If you wanna say it like that, multiple

storylines in my life, whether it's with

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my dating violence relationship, and

having the courage to finally label it

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for what it was, or when it came to me

being single and falling in love with

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myself to getting into a relationship

and then getting broken up with again

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and having to heal again from a breakup,

but this time as a different version of

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myself, as a more confident Amanda 'cause

I work so much on myself, whatever story

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it is in my life, it's cool that I have

multiple chapters of my life in, in.

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In buckets of seasons where I

can listen back to and see the

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evolution and the beauty of it all.

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And so this episode means a lot to me

and I'm so excited to press replay.

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So let's get to it, radiant icons.

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Well actually wait, before we get

into that, I dare you to join me on

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Sunday, March 22nd for our first master

class of the year, break up with the

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past, fall in love with the future.

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Yes, it's the same title as this episode,

and there's a reason why because just

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like we did in this episode, just like

we've been doing all year, actually.

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We're daring to turn our pain into power

together, radiant icons, and that is

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what we are doing in that masterclass.

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We are breaking up with past narratives

that we've created for ourselves.

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We are breaking up with them and we

are getting ready to fall in love with

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the iconic future that we are creating,

and I cannot wait to see you there.

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So make sure to secure your spot

today at Dare to Be iconic.com

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under the empowerment event section, or

click the link in the show notes below.

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Now let's get to that piping hot tea.

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Let's get to press and rewind

on one of the very first

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episodes of Dare to Be Iconic.

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Are you ready?,

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radiant icons because your

two time sesh is starting now.

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Let's start with the concept of healing.

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Healing is like a rollercoaster, okay?

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That feeling when you're going backwards,

so that backsliding feeling when

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you're on a rollercoaster, is the same

when you feel like you're backsliding

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in your healing journey, right?

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That is completely normal

and it's part of the process.

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And sometimes that feels like failure.

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But it's not.

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We sometimes have to go backwards

in order to propel forward.

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Healing is never going to be

this linear straight line.

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It's like a rollercoaster

because there are dips and

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turns and everything in between.

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We're gonna go upside down, sideways,

like all the stuff that a rollercoaster

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is that is the concept of healing.

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That is what our healing

journey looks like.

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So how can we turn this pain that we are

experiencing into a source of power, into

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a source of resiliency, and into strength.

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Letters have always been a trigger for me.

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My last ex, as I mentioned in the

previous episode, broke up with

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me through a letter in a box.

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The ex prior to him was one of the

most draining two months of my life.

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That was a two month relationship that I

do talk about more in my blog, sparsely.

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To sum it up, that two month

horrible relationship ended also

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with a letter at my front door.

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And my ex that broke up with me,

through a box and a letter, knew about

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that story because I was with him

during that time when I received that

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letter from my first ex boyfriend.

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He knew how triggering letters were to me.

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I was so mad at him when I saw

that letter at my front door.

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Because how can someone be so cruel,

and so insensitive, someone that you

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love so much, to treat you in such

a shitty way, and to use something

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that they know is so painful for you,

to cause another traumatic memory.

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So for me, it felt like

letters were consuming my life.

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And, oh my god, I didn't think

I was gonna get emotional.

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As you can see, it's still very fresh.

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But for me, this concept of

turning pain into power comes

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down to how can I reclaim these

things that were taken from me.

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For me, I have never experienced

a letter in the way it should.

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That concept of love letters from

to all the boys I loved before.

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Letters never had that sweet love feeling.

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It was taken from me because

of trauma being placed.

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In my brain, I was so tired of me not

being able to see a letter and not

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associate it with a positive memory.

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And that really sucked.

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I felt like it honestly took over my life.

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So, when it came to, how

can I reclaim letters.

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I had to look within and do the work.

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I wanted to reclaim dates.

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I wanted to replace painful

memories with happy ones.

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So every time October 10th comes around,

I will now remember it, not as the day

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of my breakup, but as the day of this

dare to be iconic movement starting,

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because I released my blog, dare to

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year after my breakup so that that

day can now be a happy memory for me.

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Every February 24th I do something

with my girlfriends to have

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a happy memory of that day.

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So this year, we

literally went go karting.

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And I don't know if you guys know

this, but on my social media, if

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you follow me, I am a big Formula

One fan, big Lando Norris fan.

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So for me, karting has always

been something I wanted to do.

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So why not have this first of

something that I've always wanted,

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that I love, make it on a day that

is slightly triggering for me, that

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is slightly sensitive to me, right?

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That's how I turn my pain into power.

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That's how I break up with the past

and fall in love with my future.

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That's how I find the strength and

resilience in myself to bounce back, to

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reclaim my narrative, to reclaim my story.

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I take the days back, I take

the memory back, and I make it

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into something positive for me.

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I make it into something that I can

look back on and will always remember.

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That memory is now stitched in my head for

February 24th, and it's no longer the day

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where my ex boyfriend taped a letter to my

apartment door after he broke up with me.

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It's no longer that.

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October 10th is no longer the

day where I was broken up with in

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such a shitty and sensitive way.

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It's now a day where I took my power back.

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Turning your pain into power is all about

finding the strength within yourself.

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How can you take certain instances

in your life and reclaim them

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in your own unique, iconic way.

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This concept of breaking up with

the past and falling in love with

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the future is a five step plan.

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In my journal that you can find in

the show notes linked below, it is

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a five step process where I guide

you in the pain to power journey.

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You have to break up with the past.

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You have to feel those feelings.

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Embrace the emotional turbulence.

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Go through the waves.

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Feel them all to fall in love with

your future and dare to be iconic.

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Because once you break up with that old

version of you, with those old triggers.

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You are able to turn them into

strength to fall in love with the

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future that you want for yourself.

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Once you step free from your triggers

and from your pain, you're able to

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embrace so many amazing opportunities

that will come into your life.

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I firmly believe that if my ex did not

break up with me in the way that he

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did, I would not be where I am today.

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I would not be the icon

that I am right now.

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And so my hope is with this journal,

with Breaking Up With The Past,

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Falling In Love With The Future, that

you find that too within yourself.

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Because sometimes it just takes something

really shitty for you to want to change

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your life and step into your power.

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For me, it was the letters, it was the

date, it was this whole entire thing.

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And being reminded once again that

he thought he can take control of

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my life by bringing back something

that was really really cruel.

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He doesn't get that.

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I will not let him take that from me.

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He doesn't get to take the day, he

doesn't get to take the letters,

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and he doesn't get to take the box.

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So how can I reclaim it?

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And I have, and I hope you guys can too.

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I hope that through this journal and

through the exercises in it that I am

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able to guide you into this beautiful

journey of falling in love with the

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iconic you that you're coming into.

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We all deal with shitty situations.

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And it's how we look at them and

overcome them that shows us our

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strength and resiliency within.

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All right, radiant icons.

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That is your tea time for today.

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If you enjoyed today's episode, make

sure to subscribe to leave a Rating,

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a review to tell your friends about

us, to tell everyone and anyone,

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because you know we love what?

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Say It with me.

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radiant Icons.

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We love more radiant icons in

our iconic community of ours.

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I will never, ever get

tired of saying that.

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And I will never get

tired of loving you guys.

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Thank you for listening, radiant Icons.

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I can't wait for next week because

we are sharing your stories.

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We are sharing your voices.

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It's the Radiant Icon Spotlight

episode as we celebrate two years

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of the Dare to Be Iconic podcast.

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I am so excited.

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I'll see you then.

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Remember, radiant Icons,

dare to be iconic.

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Bye.