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In this episode of "A Changed Mind", our host, David Bayer, explores why lasting personal change can be elusive when we’re focused on fixing ourselves. David delves into the power of radical self-awareness and explains how quietly observing our inner dialogue—without judgment or the urge to “fix”—can be the true doorway to transformation.

With personal insights and practical wisdom drawn from neuroscience, spirituality, and recovery principles, David encourages listeners to embrace discomfort, witness their patterns, and allow real change to emerge naturally. The episode offers strategies to close the gap between who you are and who you want to become, highlighting the role of intentional inaction, deep self-acceptance, and the importance of being present amid a chaotic world.

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What We Explored This Episode

00:01 The Trap of Trying to Fix Yourself

06:02 Observing the Inner Dialogue for Transformation

11:04 Awareness, Allowing, and the Power of Stillness

Memorable Quotes

"The moment you stop trying to fix yourself is the moment you actually start to change."

"Awareness with allowing and without denying—this is why radical transformation eludes so many people. It’s actually by not doing anything that you set yourself up for the change you’re looking for."

"Isn’t it time to step into another dimension of possibility by seeing life the way we want to see it, and by seeing ourselves in the way that God, or the higher power of your own understanding, sees you?"

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What if the reason you haven't changed is because you've been trying to fix yourself? Think about that. Most people are in this constant loop of trying to improve, trying to correct, trying to get rid of their fear, their doubt, their anxiety. And yet nothing really changes at the level that matters. Because the moment you stop trying to fix yourself is the moment you actually start to change. And I know that sounds counterintuitive, but there's a moment, usually at night, when everything gets quiet and you're left alone with your thoughts. There's no distractions, there's no performance. It's just you. You and your fears, your patterns, the way your mind actually works. That right there, that's the real you that's been creating your life. And what most people do in that moment is they try to escape it, or they fix it, or they judge it. But what if that moment isn't the problem? What if that moment is the doorway? Because once you can actually see who you've become without trying to change it, you activate something most people never access. And that's where real transformation begins. So in this episode, I'm going to show you how to use awareness, not eff, to literally rewire who you are and close the gap between the life you have and the life you want.

Welcome to a Changed Mind, a journey into the topics that matter to you most. From the neuroscience and spirituality of mindset and personal growth, to groundbreaking strategies for health, wealth, and relationships, to open and honest conversations about pressing global issues such as the environment, censorship, corporate capture, and democracy. Each and every episode reminds us of the certainty of the goodness of the future and provides the teachings, tools, and timeless wisdom inspiring you to create real, lasting change in your life and in the world. If you've been desiring a sanctuary for your spirit, a place to go to tune out the distraction, negativity, and doom and gloom so that you can tap into the deep power, the vibrancy, and the potential you have inside. You're in the right place. Welcome to a Changed mind,

guys. Recently I have been going to sleep and being really present for myself in those moments before I drift off to sleep. And what I've been discovering in the process is really quite profound. It's the real raw me. And we all have the opportunity to do that, to really just get quiet at the end of a day, after the busyness subsides, and to be present to yourself. And you may be present to the beautiful things that are happening in your life, the gratitude and appreciation you have, but more often than not, what Shows up are our fears, our doubts, and we have the opportunity to watch it. That's actually the material of transformation. It's the ability to actually see all of the conversations that are taking place. That when we are stimulated by the external reality, we're not present to observing, but it's in the raw awareness of those quiet moments that we can actually see the inner dialogue. And the inner dialogue is who you've become. So this is really important to understand. There's this inner conversation that takes place and the only way to actually who you'd like to become, to create the change that you want in your life, is to become extraordinarily present to who you have been. It starts with an honest acknowledgment. And it's in those moments that you're able to go, wow, like, look at this internal dialogue. Like, I am someone who is constantly worrying. I am someone who is afraid of my future. I am someone who can't stop thinking about work. Wow. Like that's the insight. And the question is, when you observe yourself in the quiet stillness of space, whether that's before you go to bed, or sitting out in nature and observing what's going on in your mind, or being in your quiet meditation room and just being present to yourself, the question is, is that who you want to be? Is that who you want to be and who do you want to become as a result of this? So often we don't know who we want to become or what we want to create. But when you see who you are in the moment, the who that you don't want to be, the who you are craving to become, becomes crystal clear. And so it's in the awareness that we get clear on ourselves who we've been, who we wanna become. And what happens most of the time is we try to bypass this experience because it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to be staring at your fears. It's uncomfortable to be looking at your self judgment. It's uncomfortable to be noticing how much you criticize or compare yourself against other people. But if you can be willing to be in that discomfort, this is the material of transformation. And what most people in personal growth do, who are even willing to look at this information end up doing is trying to fix it, trying to immediately negotiate themselves out of the discomfort, to do affirmations or incantations, or to do another personal development tool. And I'm not saying that self help tools don't have their time in place, they absolutely do. But the beautiful thing that I've learned Over time is that if I'm willing to be in that place of discomfort where I'm seeing who I have become in contrast to who I really want to be in this life, I. I don't actually have to figure anything out from there. The solution starts to work itself in my direction just through this raw awareness that has no resistance or bypass or negotiation inside of it. What I've started to notice is that if I'm willing to be with who I have been and allow it, over the next few days, I start to see life differently because I become present to this habit of my personality. It's like, oh, there it is again. There's that part of me that just worries about everything. There's that part of me that actually looks for things to worry about. There's that part of me that wants to complain. There it is again, that incessant fear that I'm not going to have enough, that I'm not doing it right. And there's the opportunity to just watch it. There it is again, without needing to fix it and without beating yourself up for it. You know, there was this period of time where I'd done a decade's worth of personal growth and started getting even more deeply present to myself. And I would notice these things, but then I'd be like, man, I really just suck at my own personal growth. Like, I cannot believe I still have these limiting beliefs. There were times where I even started to feel crazy. I don't know if you've experienced this, but like as you start to deepen your self awareness, you start to hear the record inside of you so loudly and so clearly and you see that it's just on repeat that you think you're actually going nuts. But that's just the same record playing a different tune trying to convince you that you're going nuts. What's really happening is, is the deepening of awareness. And so when you're willing to do this, it may actually be the first time that you've ever seen yourself for who you've become and allowed it in my 12 step recovery, which was the path I took to recover from my drug, my alcohol, my sex addiction. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about this. It requires rigorous honesty. It requires level of self acceptance and self observation that most people are not willing to do. Which is why most people carry their addictions to their grave. By the way. I don't just mean their addictions around drug and alcohol and sex. I'm talking about the addictions that we all carry with us. The addiction we have to believing that we aren't good enough. The addiction we have to blaming other people. The addiction we have to to people pleasing in order to feel good about ourselves. The addiction we have to outsourcing our self love. The addiction we have to taking control of situations and circumstances in our life that we have no business taking control of. Because there's only a higher power or a God or a Jesus or Allah that is responsible for those things. Yet we put on the God uniform and pretend that somehow we have control over things that we don't. These are all addictions. These are all indications of a spiritual disconnection. And so when we are willing to notice these things about ourselves, to stand naked in front of the mirror of our own character, the beautiful thing is that life immediately starts to respond. You don't have to figure it out. You don't have to blame, you don't have to self judge, you don't have to compensate. You just go, wow, look at that, that's interesting. Like where did that come from? How long have I been doing that? Look how repetitive this tape is. Why do I do that? What is it that I'm afraid of? You know, over the temple of Adelphi there was inscripted Know thyself the most powerful recommendation. Hundreds if not thousands of years ago. Come to know yourself well. How do you come to know yourself well? You come to know yourself by observing what's happening in your inner world. Because your habit of thought, your habit of emotion, your habit of reaction, that's your identity, that's your personality. The good news is it can be changed. We are a very unique species in the fact that we can actually reorganize and re engineer ourselves through the proper and intelligent use of our mind. We can actually reprogram and adjust our neurophysiology. You can build new neural networks and change your nervous system through the proper use of your mind. And so the good news is, is that we can change. But many of these habits are well worn. But these inquiries in that quiet space like why do I do that? What am I afraid of? This is the process. Awareness with allowing and without denying. And so this is why radical transformation eludes so many people. Because everybody wants a playbook. Everybody wants to know what do I do? And the irony here is it's actually by not doing anything that you set yourself up for the change that you're looking for. Awareness does not feel like it's doing anything. Allowing does not feel like it's taking any action. Non denial of Yourself doesn't feel like you're doing anything. But these are actually some of the most powerful actions that you can take. They are stillness. And being still is difficult for many of us, especially in a world that is just driven by instantaneous gratification and satisfaction. And swiping up and swiping to the right and ordering something and having it delivered on your doorstep three hours later. Or watching movies on demand. Remember back in the day when you have to go to the store and you had to rent a VHS tape and then eventually DVDs and you watched it and you returned it? Or there was programming on television where you had to wait for your programming. To some extent we still do that with sports, but we are addicted to action and what we're talking about here at the root cause of deeper levels of transformation is intentional inaction, right Awareness, with allowing and without denying. Because in the space of even starting to witness who you've become, the mind will say, well, how do I fix this? But it's important to understand that the awareness itself has already called for the answer. In other words, when you are aware of who you've been, what we might call in my 12 step work, character defects. The worry, the anger, the people pleasing, the aspects of your personality that have been built out of a compensatory mechanism from the trauma of your childhood, but have become you. When we are willing to just witness those things, life starts to send you an answer. There's a beautiful scripture. It's one of my favorites. It's Isaiah 65, 24. Before they call, I will answer. While they are still speaking, I will hear. It's a profound biblical promise that details God's immediate attentiveness and grace to our needs. And so, in the awareness of your character defects, you don't have to figure anything out. Immediately, your higher power begins to respond with a solution to help you build the quality of character that is the opposite of the defect that you've identified. In other words, the answer is on its way both inside and around you. Tools will show up, people will show up. Teachings will show up. You'll start to have new ideas, new perspectives. There will be a moment where you react differently. You were worried about something. And there's this moment where even though you've always worried about this thing, there's a moment where you feel relief. You just don't worry about it. You're like, you know what? I don't think there's any point in worrying about this. You have a habit of anger about certain things, and there's this spark, this moment where those things happen and you don't feel angry, you feel at ease. Those are new neurons that are emerging in your nervous system. That's the beginning of the evolution of your nervous system where the old reaction, the old neurons are dying and new ones are being born. So many people work so hard on their personal growth and that's fine. Like I said, there are a lot of tools out there. We teach some incredible tools here. But there's also this opportunity to be aware and to allow and to receive the insight or the change inside of you. It's the hardest thing to do, to actually be present enough for yourself, to observe and in that observation to not be reactive. That's mastery. That's being a mountain, a mountain amidst the chaos of a changing world. In fact, as you progress in your personal growth and you begin working with the really core material that you came here to learn and to heal, this process that I'm talking about, which feels like a non process, is the only process that works. This is the allowing, this is the surrender, the witnessing of yourself and the allowing of who you've been to unwind. You know, you think about it. We see this type of unwinding in other areas of our life. It's like when you have a fever. That is the unwinding of whatever's going on in your system. It's the activation of your immune system. It's the initiating of the healing process. And you can't speed up a fever. Some people will stop a fever, which is actually stopping the healing process. But when you actually witness what's going on inside of you and it can feel so feverish and crazy, if you're willing to just hold that container in that space and allow it, that's the healing process. That's the unwinding. By the way, if you love what we're talking about here, I am doing a live web class coming up here in just a few days. The links are in the description of this episode. You can click on it, check out the date, the time, register for it. It's absolutely free. I'm going to be teaching you a system for changing your beliefs, for evolving your nervous system. And we're going to be doing it live and taking some Q and A from our community. I don't often do this, but with all the things that are going on in the world today and the pressure that people are feeling, I felt this was really important to really teach some higher level frameworks and tools around how build your emotional resiliency and how to use what's going on inside of you as a way to actually grow and evolve. You can check out all the details and register for free. Just tap the link in the description or the notes of this episode. Because ultimately this is the way that you close the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Because ultimately what you're doing is closing the gap between who you are and who you need to become. And like I said, the human being is this incredible self evolving species. Like you have the ability to change the structure of your brain and your nervous system, the way that you habitually think and feel through proper and intelligent use of your mind. If that doesn't blow you away, that you can use your mind to literally reorganize your neurophysiology and change yourself, I guess nothing will. And I believe that there's no greater practice than to master this practice, to observe your own thinking, to course correct the old programs, the old beliefs, into a new perspective and a new mind. Like, this is the most valuable skill that we could possibly learn. Especially now with all the crazy shit in the world, you know, with the pandemics and the wars and the political divide and this person against that person and surveillance and censorship and, you know, all the stuff, we have to be able to withdraw our reaction from the external world and reclaim sovereign control over the way that we think and the way that we feel. You know, there is a great divergence taking place in the world right now. There are those who don't have access to this conversation and the tools and skills that we're talking about who unfortunately will entangle more and more with the fear and the system of control. And then there will those who will free themselves through the liberation of their minds, the letting go and the proper digestion or metabolization of the old fears that we no longer need to hold inside of us, you know, In Romans, Paul shares one of Jesus primary teachings. And he says, be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. I think that's one of the most relevant scriptures for today. Like, isn't it time to renew your mind, to have a fresh perspective, to let go of the old beliefs that money is scarce or that you have to work really hard or sacrifice, you know, your health or your relationships to be successful or to create what you want? Like, isn't it time to de indoctrinate ourselves from the way that we've been told it works by a handful of people who benefit from that particular understanding? Of the way that it works. Like, isn't it time to step into another dimension of possibility by seeing life the way we want to see it and by seeing ourselves in the way that God sees us, or the higher power of your own understanding sees you? I think about how I see my son with no judgment, no criticism. There's nothing you could add to my son that would make him more good enough. There's nothing that could be taken away from my son to make me think any less of him. Isn't it time that we start feeling that way about ourselves? Isn't that time that we start feeling that way about each other? Some people say this is like Pollyanna or wishful thinking. But you know, the greatest thinkers in history, they. They told us to do this. Henry Ford basically advised. He said, the man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can are both right. Gandhi said, a man is but a product of his thoughts, what he thinks he becomes. The Buddha said, the mind is everything. What you think you become. So again, you don't have to work hard on your personal growth because that's just another form of hustle and grind. And not enough of this. But it's important to understand how the machinery works, the operating system, and to begin utilizing it intentionally as opposed to being trapped inside of it. Again, if you love this conversation, you want to go deeper with me, I've got a free webinar coming up here in a couple of days. Hit the link in the show notes the description for this episode. You'll go over to the registration page. You can check out the day the time get registered. Again, it's absolutely free. I encourage you to join me. And if you love today's conversation, if this is the conversation that you want to be in on a regular daily basis and to continue to go deeper on with me, do me a favor. A couple of things. Number one, subscribe. We love seeing this community grow. At the time of this episode, I think we're over 340,000 subscribers who are in this conversation together. Number two, if you care about someone who also needs to hear this, please share the episode. I can't tell you how many people are like man. I listen to the podcast every day because a friend of mine shared an episode with me. And again, if you want to go deeper, check out the upcoming webinar that we have and we can spend some time together live doing some Q and A and going deep together. Because personal growth is not a do it yourself project. It is for sure a do it with others and why would you to do it on your own anyway? Isn't it a lot more fun being here together? So I love you so much. Thanks for sharing your energy, your attention, your spirit with me and I will see you in the next episode. Hey it's David one more thing. If you want to go even deeper on everything we've talked about on today's episode, don't forget to jump over to www.DavidBear.com. you can find the link in the show notes and subscribe to our newsletter. A couple of times a week I'm going to be sending you the latest episodes that we've released along with additional free trainings. You'll get immediate access to my free Mind Hack ebook and go even deeper into all the tools, the technologies and the frameworks that have helped tens of thousands of people establish a changed mind.

Don't forget to jump on over to the site and I will see you in the next episode.