On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about why simply showing up for the people you love - matters more than you might think.

I share the story of my first-ever art exhibition (eeeek!), the friends who showed up to surprise me there (“We got you, Motherfucker!” 😆), and how that moment healed an old part of me that had gotten used to “going it alone.”

We dive into what I call your “Balcony People” - the ones who are up in the stands creating a rumpus and cheering their faces off for you - and why their presence (or absence) can leave such a mark.

I also get honest about hyper-independence, not wanting to ever feel like a burden, and how I’m still learning how to let love in.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Does it really matter if I go to the thing?”

This episode is my heartfelt reminder: Heck Yeah, it does!!!!

Your presence, your effort, your curiosity, and even your follow-up text can mean way more than you know. ❤️

KAREN KENNEY BIO:

Karen Kenney is a writer, speaker, podcaster, certified spiritual mentor, and coach.

She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-bullshit approach to spirituality, self​-development, and transformational work.

Karen helps people to navigate this whole “being human” experience using practical tools, universal principles and stories, and a variety of resources.

KK has been a yoga teacher for 25+ years, has been giving Thai Yoga Massage since 2008, and began teaching it in 2015.

She's also a Gateless Writing Instructor, the creator of WRITE CLUB, and host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

She coaches clients individually in her 1:1 program THE QUEST and via her HEART-TO-HEART DAYS using Voxer. She also leads a group program and community called THE NEST.

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

Website: http://karenkenney.com/

Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney

It's the Karen Kenney show.

Hey, you guys, welcome. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. Excuse

me for being such a weirdo. Oh my god, I just kept hitting the

stat and stop button a couple of times. And I don't know what's

wrong with me, but and we're back here. We are welcome.

Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I think I'm a little

discombobulated because I was gonna do a show about something

else, but then I was like, it was like, Ooh, sto TJ, spiritual

team on the job. It was like, No, I know what we're gonna talk

about, so I'm going to be just riffing off the top of my head,

so forgive me, I'm really going to try to keep it short and

concise and to the point, but this is on my hat, and I wanted

to say this so you ever seen those videos, you guys of like

little kids? You know, they're like, four years old, five years

old, six years old, whatever, and they're at their school play

or their recital, and they're up on stage, and they're just kind

of like looking out into the audience, and you see them

looking a little nervous and anxious, and then all of a

sudden they spot their parents or a sibling or their Auntie or

whoever, their guardians, right? And their whole demeanor

changes, right? Like they just light up. You see it in their

face, in their energy, their body language, and they're like,

Oh my God. Like, you're here, you're here. You know, it's The

Sweetest Thing. And sometimes you see it like, like, adult,

you know, adult parents surprising their kids, like the

kids didn't think they were going to make the football game

or the basketball game or the graduation or the event, or

whatever the thing is. And you just see this common thread

through when they're little wee ones all the way up to when

they're adults, right? Like I'm talking like even the parents,

like people surprising other people by showing up. I fucking

love these videos, like double A men hands, if you're with me and

you love those videos too, of people being surprised in a good

way. Like, I don't like bad surprises. I don't like when

people prank each other and whatever, but I will. I can sit

and watch like all day, like people being surprised in the

most positive way by other people's thoughtfulness or

kindness or love, and I had my very own experience of this. And

so when I was thinking about this, I was like, You know what

I want to talk today about the importance of showing up. Now, I

know I talk a lot on other episodes about, like, how you're

showing up, you know, like showing up for yourself, like

data, all these things, but this act of showing up for others,

especially when they're doing something new or scary or

exciting or big, or this is the first time they've ever taken a

leap of faith in this direction, or whatever the thing is,

showing up matters so much now telling them you're going to

show up is a big deal, and if you can't show up, right, maybe

sending them a little note of a Karen encouragement, or

following up the next day after the event, or whatever, letting

them know in some way you wish you could teleport your ass

there and be there. They're just going to be times in our life

when we can't be there. But, man, if we can make it work and

we can make it happen, showing up makes such a huge difference.

So this past I have a good story for you. So this past weekend,

you know, if you listen to the show regularly, I've been

talking about how I just took a leap of faith, did my first,

created, my first ever like at piece to be put into this at

exhibition that was called the mothership, and it was this

whole thing. It's about my mom. Think of the piece is almost

like a trailer to my book and my memoir, right? So, it's a, it's

a pretty it's a pretty big piece. You know, it's on a

canvas, and then it comes off the wall. It's a mix I learned.

I learned that what I created was a quote, unquote, mixed

media installation. So I also learned, I learned something new

about what I was doing. So that was really cool. But the

highlight of this story is that you know two of my friends who,

like two of my dearest and beloved friends, JT and megs,

okay, Jessica. Belong to Jessica. You know her. Her

married name is blanti, but she was Jessica Todd, so I call her

JT, so and then meg, meg Haynes, Meg marinaccio, who I call megs,

okay, so megs and JT, they're a little bit younger than me.

They're in there in a different phase of their life in that they

have wee ones, right? They have little kids. So first of all,

you know, JT runs like this incredible Premier, like hair

salon in Portsmouth. You know, Meg's got her hands full. Meg's

also a creative, you know, she's an intuitive, she's a healer,

she's a spiritual teacher. She does human design. She's a

dancer. And a writer and actor and she can sing like, I mean,

my friends are so creative. Many of my friends, right? Almost so

many of my friends are incredibly creative human

beings. But these two just have really busy lives, like running

business, taking care of things and their children. So I didn't

think like, I had no expectation that they were going to be able

to come to the opening reception. Right now, the show

is up for like, a whole month, so I just figured like, okay,

they're not going to be able to come. Probably I'm still going

to invite them, but no no expectations, no hard feelings,

whatever. So these two basically said to me when I first told

them about it, like they were just over the moon so happy for

me, like, oh my god, this is amazing. I'm going to do

whatever I can, you know, trying to, like, we'll try to, you

know, I'll, you know, if I have to reschedule a client at work,

I like, but, you know, I'm going to do my best. That was kind of

the message, I'm going to do my best. And I was like, Okay. And

then, like, the day before, JT, I think she wrote me a message

saying that she wasn't going to be able to make it. And she

wrote this, like, this long thing, but I love you, and I

hope you have a great time. And then Meg left me a voice

message, just saying, I'm so sorry. You know, Mike, her

husband, has a has an event tonight, and I couldn't get, I

couldn't find a babysit, blah, blah, blah, whatever, the whole

thing. And all I know is, I'm like, okay, they're not going to

be able to come. I kind of figured this might happen,

because I understand how busy they are. But they're like,

we'll pick another time, because the show is up for the whole

month to come up. And I'm like, perfect, great. I can't wait.

Blah, blah, okay, so and that, like, I have kind of, how do I

say this? How do I say some of you are going to be able, I

think, to relate to this. I'm just being totally transparent

and honest. I have it's, I get my hopes up all the time, but I

also have a deal with myself, meaning like, I hope they can

come, it'll be great if they can come like data, but I do my best

to not be disappointed if my hope or call it slash

expectation. I always try. I try not to have expectations,

because, as you have heard me say many times, expectations are

premeditated resentments, right? But we'd be liars if we didn't

like, say like, but I really was hoping that people could come,

or blah, blah, blah, okay, and I'm going to tell you about the

other people who came to but I did not. I just, I was just

like, okay, they can't come. I'm not going to be sad about it. It

is what it is, and I'll see them like when we plan another day,

and that's what it is so you kind of convince yourself that

it doesn't matter. And I think this is a protective mechanism

that also got installed in me from when I was like a kid,

right? A kid with a lot of trauma is, you know, I'm very

independent. Maybe I'm sometimes hyper independent. It's not that

I believe I don't need other people. I've worked on that,

right? I know I need other people, and I also don't like to

make other people feel guilty if they can't show up for me. I

never want to feel like a burden, like double A man hands,

if you know what I mean, I don't ever want to feel like a burden.

I don't like to ask for help too much, like I'll ask for help

now, which is huge steps in my journey, right on this path of

not being a totally traumatized, hyper, hyper, hyper, like,

independent person, right? So I but I was like, I had made peace

with it. They weren't going to come. So you got so I'm at the

event. I'm at the opening reception, and I'm seeing like

this 14 artists total. So there's a bunch of people, like

50 some odd people in this, in the in the writing Gallery, and

they're all moving around and looking at stuff. But I kind of

was at my spot, because my piece has a lot of pictures and

different things, and so I was like, you know, people were

asking me a lot of questions, so I didn't really ever turn

around, meaning I wasn't like, standing there and getting to,

like, look around the room and seeing who's coming in the front

door. I basically had my back to the front door, in the in the

crowd, the rest of the people, most of the night, because I was

pointing out things to people. So all of a sudden, as I'm

breaking down, like, what's happening up on my my art piece,

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn around and standing

there, right with like, JTS, get a box of vegan donuts from love

bird donuts. Shout out to love bird donuts in Portsmouth. My my

delivery system of, like, vegan donuts. I only get them when I

go to Portsmouth, and JT brings them into the salon, the hair

salon for me, so I can enjoy them. But so she's standing

there with this bright pink box of like, six vegan donuts. Meg's

there, you know, she's like, they've got a cup. Had for me

and flowers and just like, but when I see their faces, like

they JT was filming it, so it was perfect, so I could see my

own like, wicked honest in real time, True Blue, right reaction

to them showing up. And when I tell you first, I whip around, I

jerk my head back, like, Oh, my God. And like, what am I seeing?

It's like an apparition. It's an illusion. It's like a dream.

It's magic, baby, right? I was like, what is happening right

now, you know? And I so, I whip around my eyes, go big, I jerk

my head back, I go, Oh. And then my whole nervous, you see, my

whole face go like, Oh. And I just, I'm so overwhelmed with

emotion, like I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I

had to bend over, like, literally, like, hinged at the

waist, like bent over. And that's when JT, I'll never

forget this as long as I live, because JT is a fellow little

mass hole like me, right? And JT leans over, and she goes, we got

you motherfucker. So I'm bent over. I had to take my glasses

off because I had started crying. And then she says this

in my ear, we got you motherfucker. And I just stopped

laughing. The whole thing was so fantastic, you guys. It just

made my whole night that my friends, with their wicked busy

lives and their children and the the moving, I just know I'm

like, they probably had to move a little bit of heaven and earth

to, like, get there, to be there for me. And it made such a huge

difference. The little kid in me was just like it, I got to tell

you, on some level, as I don't know, sentimental or weird, or

however this might sound, I really felt like a little

something, like clicked into place. There was a little bit of

healing that happened in that moment, that whole night. It's

like my nephew, Stevie and his wife, Brittany and Minnie.

Stevie, their son, like my great nephew, they showed up. And my

old dentist, who's one of my yoga students, Dr Bruce, he

showed up. And Tony socco T, who was like my I guy, all my people

are retiring. Oh my god. So T showed up, and like some of my

yoga students, like Victoria, brought her family, and they

showed up. And Terry, who is in the nest, and I've never met

Terry in person, we only see each other online. Terry drove

and brought a friend and literally brought me this

beautiful gift of a nest, a Robin's nest, that was from her

Yad. It was like I and like I could go on, like I could just,

I'm not leaving anybody out on purpose. But it was just like

all these people from different walks of my life, you know,

like, showed up for me, and I was just like, wow. I could feel

it like my body was buzzing. I just feel like I always talk

about the Little Librarian up in a little librarians, like, up in

my head, right in my, in my in my subconscious, in my brain.

You know, it's like they put out the alert. They put out the

alert to the to the other little worker bees in the system, right

in my body. Like, like, let's do a little repairing. Because I

could just feel like it was the most wonderful feeling. And I

was like, oh my god, this is what I see in those videos when

the little kid is searching the crowd or the stands, you know,

for their people, for their balcony people. And if you guys

have never listened to that episode, it's like, one of the

first, I mean, it's way in the beginning. It's like, I think I

called it balcony and basement people. I think it's way in the

beginning. It's been a long time. But when you're balcony

people, so when, if you've ever read, let me describe balcony

people to you. For me, you know the Where the Wild Things Are,

you know that book where the wild things are and the wild

things are kind of making a rumpus and a ruckus, right? Like

they're walking around and they're like Duncan and like

they're matching and whatever. So when I think of, when I think

of your balcony people, I think of the people who, if you were

doing, like a book reading or a book signing, or you had a gig,

or you were acting, or you were graduating, or you're up on

stage, or you're doing whatever it is, right, a fashion,

whatever your thing is, a creative endeavor, right? Or

you're celebrating something. They're the people that would be

up in the stands or up in the balcony making a rumpus. They

would be like, stomping their feet and swinging their jacket

over their head, like, going, yeah, like, that's my kid, or

That's my cousin, or those, that's my person and we love

you, or like, Yeah, whatever they're yelling. These are the

people who see you, get you, celebrate you don't feel

diminished by your success, by your creative endeavor, like

they are cheering you on and seeing you succeed and seeing

you. Happy makes them more happy, not like jealous and

weird and whatever you know what I mean. So when you're balcony

people, and even if you only have one balcony person, it is

something like, invest in that relationship. But when those

people showed up for me, right? Like Kelly, who I'm renting

space for, like, for my yoga class, right? It's like, I mean,

to just see these different people in the community, in your

walks of life, show up for you. I'm telling you, it does

something. It does something, and if you can, because back in

the day, I really think me many, many years ago, it's not that I

wouldn't have been able to see them there and appreciate that

they came and clock like my gratitude, like all of that

would have been the same. But there was something different at

this age, at this time in my life, where now I could actually

really receive, really receive the love like really let it in.

Really feel worthy of it. Really feel like the power and the

importance of their showing up and what it did for me, what it

did to me inside my heart, it was a beautiful thing. I will

not forget this light, this night for as long as I live,

everything from the other artists work that the new

artists that I met, the music that I heard, the pieces that I

saw, the collective positive energy, the celebration of art

and creativity. And if you are a mother, if you are local, if you

are local, and can get to conquer and you are a mother of

any kind, I am telling you to see this exhibition, I mean my

friend so Meg's and JT were like reading the different things.

Because the thing about this gallery is everything on the

wall, even though it's an art gallery, because it's a writing

gallery, everything on the wall that has to have text or prose

or written word or copy in it in some way, right? So they were

going around and reading all the pieces, and they were like,

crying. They were like, oh my god, I needed to see this. I

needed to hear this. And I think one of them said, I wish every

mother I knew could come in and see this and see themselves in

it. So I highly encourage you, you guys, if you're local to New

Hampshire, and you can get there the it's called the 11th. It's

spelled out the 11th letter writing gallery. You can just

Google it. They're at 146 North Main Street in Concord, New

Hampshire. It's such a fabulous thing. But the other reason why

I'm saying this is this is just a reminder to all of us, to

myself included, that we may not think it's a big deal whether we

show up or not, but showing up does matter. And look, there are

just going to be times, right? Like a lot of times, I might get

invited to something, but if I get invited last minute, I can't

usually make it happen. My life is I know I do have freedom in

my life, but it's also very structured. Like, there's a lot

of weekends where I'm doing a workshop, or I'm working on my

book, or I have something going on, or I gotta record my

podcast, or whatever the clients, whatever it is, you

know, so sometimes it's a timing thing. Sometimes it's a

financial thing. You can't afford a ticket to go. You can't

afford what or whatever the thing is to an event, you can't

travel whatever that you know there's something, you're ill,

there's something going on. I know life happens and life gets

in the way, but when we can really be there, man, does it

make a difference? And this was such a powerful lesson for me.

It was, it was, it was, I want to say it's not even so much

that it was eye opening is so much it was. It was confirming.

It was confirming to me that when we do show up, and whether

it's to the funeral or the wedding or the school play or

the show or the gig or whatever it is. And here's another little

piece for me. If you can't show up physically in human form,

right, you can still call you can still send a message, you

can still send a card. You can still even some days, right,

send flowers, whatever the thing is. But if you're going to send

flowers, send a note. Don't just send the flowers. Is whatever

that sounds, right, however that sounds, but like, let people

know that you're thinking of them. And if you can't be there

night of write to them the next day. Actually show some like

curiosity. Put a little effort into it, you know, follow up.

How's it going? Like, what happened? Tell me a story. Tell

me more. Your curiosity is also incredibly powerful if you

cannot be there in physical form. And there was a woman at

the show who who is a psychic. Her name is Sarah Moore, and she

did a great piece, but she came over and I hadn't made the

connection who she was at first, till she started to. Talking to

me, and what I wanted to say is, apparently my mother was also

showing up at my Of course she was. I am 0% surprised. My mom

is always with me, but apparently she had something to

say. So my mother is really, really happy for me, and just

telling me to run like, run with this book, and run with my art

and to do these things. So it was pretty cool, but that's

whole story for another day. But you guys, I just wanted to share

that with you, that your presence matters. You being

there matters. It makes such a difference to the people in your

life. Now maybe there's a few people who would be like, I

don't give a shit. Come, don't come, whatever, but it doesn't

matter. I always say to my sweetie, I don't live my life

based on like, what other people are gonna How do I say this? I'm

like, just because they wouldn't show up for me doesn't mean that

I'm not still gonna show up for them, whether they appreciate it

or can have gratitude for it or whatever. Now, granted, there

does come a time where if it feels way too imbalanced. I

totally get why people are like, I'm not going to keep trying.

I'm not going to keep feeding a relationship that is one sided

or basically feels dead, like there's no pulse, like I often

say I'm not doing CPR on this relationship anymore. You know

what I mean. But so you get to choose for yourself. But all I

know is that every single person that showed up, and some of them

I got to see and hug really quick, and then I didn't get to,

like, spend a lot of time talking with them, because

people were asking me, you know, about the show and questions my

also Jenny car. Jenny car showed up as well, another one of my

yoga students. And all these people are were so lovely and so

thoughtful. And I hope I'm just doing this off the top of my

head, so I'm hope, I hope I'm not missing anybody. But it was

just a beautiful night, the the the love that I felt, the

support that I felt, and even if I didn't get to talk to and talk

to each person at Deep length, I clocked who was there, unless

somebody snuck in and didn't even say anything to me. I

clocked every face that what I personally knew who was there,

and it left. Like, I always talk about how, you know, we say in

Massachusetts, or we said growing up, when somebody said

something that did something, whatever hash or whatever, we'd

be like, Oh, that's gonna leave a mark, you know, like, that's

gonna leave, well, I will say this all the all these

interactions, like totally left a mark on me in the best way, in

the best way. So you guys, I keep doing my best to show up

for you week after week after week. We've been at this for

like seven years. Thank you to those of you who show up for me

here you listen to the show you like, once in a while, right?

Once in a while, I get a little tip in my tip jaw. Thank you. It

means so much to me. Shannon, you know who you are, my

childhood friend, and once in a while, you guys will send me a

little email or a shout out, letting me know that this

episode, or you'll leave a comment on YouTube or whatever

it is. So it means a lot to me. So thank you for showing up. I

never take it for granted. I'm always surprised when I bump

into people on the street and they tell me they listen to the

show. I'm like, you do? You just sit there? Listen to me be a

little weirdo up in my office. It's awesome. But you guys,

another way that we can show up for ourselves is by telling the

stories that matter, like so much of what this show is about,

besides spreading more love in the world, or whatever it's

about getting to, you know, communicate what's on my mind

and what's on my hat. But one of the other ways I do that is

through writing. And I'm a gateless writing instructor,

maybe I'll do a whole show about this. But if you are also this,

first workshop is so I'm starting something called the

right club, or it's just right club is what it is, but what it

is is it's going to be a monthly workshop that I'm doing. It's a

generative writing workshop. It's called write club. We have

the first one coming up on Saturday, May 30, from one to

4pm and it's at the writing gallery. I'm holding up the

card. It's the writing gallery 146 North Main Street. And the

link for that is going to be live shortly, probably tomorrow.

So maybe I'll put it in the show notes. I don't know. I'll figure

out a way to get it to you, but if you're not on my email list

yet, that is one of the best ways. It's one of the best ways

to to get on the like find out everything that I'm doing and

stuff. So I'm gonna look it up really quick, because I would

feel really bad if I gave you the wrong link. And I sometimes

don't. I'm like, Oh, I better make sure that I that I'm giving

you the right friggin link before I do this. There it is,

yeah, so just go to Karen kenney.com so it's k, e, n, n,

e, y, make sure you spell my last name right, Karen

kenney.com backslash. Sign up one word, and that's how you can

get on my email list. Wicked easy, and you'll find out all

about the events, the exhibits, like things that I have going

on. You'll get this podcast right into your inbox. Easy

peasy. Thank you for your patience. Just then, while I was

looking it up and double checking because I don't want to

send you on a wild goose chase. So that's kind of what's going

on over here. You guys, my hat was really moved. A little part

of me was healed. A little part of the little kid in me who

didn't always have people showing up to her games and her

events and her stuff. It just meant the world to me. So it was

amazing. And Jocelyn, who owns the gallery, is fantastic. And

if you're local and you want to see the piece, and you kind of

want to meet me there, and I can kind of talk to you about it,

and whatever, if I'm around, I always say I'm happy to do it. I

have a bunch of people who couldn't come to the event, who

let me know that they still want to see it. So we're making plans

to because the show is up until, like may 30. It's going to come

down after my after my first write club over there at the

writing gallery. So you guys, thank you so much. Wherever you

go, may you leave the animals and yourself and the people and

the environment and the planet better than how you found it

wherever you go. May you and your presence and your love and

your compassion, your energy and your showing upness, your your

effort of showing up, right? May it be a blessing. Bye. Hey,

thanks so much for listening to the show. I really love spending

some time together. Now, if you dig the show or know someone

that could benefit from this episode, please share it with

them and help me to spread the good word and the love. And if

you want to be in the know about all of my upcoming shenanigans,

head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign, up and join my

list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye. You.