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Ask An Expert: Dinalynn Rosenbush The Language of Play -Ep.131
Episode 1315th February 2023 • She Coaches Coaches • Candy Motzek | Life & Business Coach
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Join me as I speak with Dinalynn, she is a parent coach and she helps you to communicate with your children better so you can become the parent you want to be. 

Featured on This Show:

Dinalynn Rosenbush

Dinalynn is a Parent Coach that specializes in HOW to Communicate with Children. In her work as a Speech Language Pathologist, she gained a deep understanding of how connection is the foundation for our parenting. As parents grow their skills to connect, kids even listen better!

Website: DinalynnRosenbush.com

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/dinalynn-rosenbush-b5750854

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dinalynnrosenbush/

Transcripts

Candy Motzek:

Hey welcome to she coaches, coaches, I'm your host, Candy Motzek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity, confidence and courage to become the coach that you were meant to be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to talk all about mindset and strategies and how to because step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and confidence to take action. Let's get started. Hi, everyone, and welcome to this episode of she coaches coaches, I have another expert guest for you. Now, let me ask you a couple of questions. Do you ever feel like you're growing up with your children right alongside them as they grow up? Or maybe you haven't always been the parent that you want to be? If so, you're going to really enjoy this conversation with Dinalynn Rosenbush Dinalynn is a parent coach that specializes in how to communicate with children. In her work as a speech language pathologist, she's gained a deep understanding of how connection is the foundation for our parenting. As parents grow their skills to connect kids even listen better. Let's welcome Dinalynn to the show. Hey, I'm so glad you're here.

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Thank you, candy for having me. It's a delight to be here. So glad, thank you.

Candy Motzek:

We've known each other at least on Zoom for about six months now. And I just thought that, you know, a parenting coach, especially with your kind of special knowledge and skills is really something that I knew. First off, there's a lot of parenting coaches in my listener audience. But also, most of the listeners are parents or are going to be parents. And so you're gonna get the benefit either way. Can you tell me a little bit about becoming a parenting coach and what your journey was like there?

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Sure. As I worked as a speech pathologist in the schools, I often had parents come to see me and their children, of course, were getting speech therapy. And so I regularly invited parents to come into my classroom. Prior to inviting the kid, the parents to come in, I would see kids in my room and then send them back to their classroom. And they would have to try to remember the skills and implement them all on their own. But these are language delay kids. So having the parents came come in, I noticed that they really improved faster. So I wanted to involve parents more. And then along the way, I started to notice that there are a lot of things that we as parents do, that doesn't recognize how children understand, like, maybe we use too long of sentences, maybe we have an expectation of what they understand based on what they have done already. But it doesn't necessarily mean that that's what they understand. It means that they've just done it already. Maybe by accident, maybe because the words were connected, maybe because part of the words were connected. So I ended up doing a lot of parent education, along with the speech and language teaching to those parents. And it just grew, and it just became really, really fruitful. And then I got sick with Lyme disease. And I ended up resigning that position quitting being in bed for like, well, it was a very long period of time. And then slowly work out of that over a few years. And now I'm getting back into the workforce. And I thought, you know, I really, really always have loved working with the parents and working with the kids. And I wanted to do that still. But I'd like to skip the paperwork that goes with special education. So that was part of the motivation to continue into staying with the communication but working with parents. Hmm, I love that. That was a transition.

Candy Motzek:

Yeah, and that's and that's a little bit different approach than any of the other guests have had so far in that as a coach. Most of the people that I interview, they have one client, but you don't you have two clients, you've got the child and your work with them, and keeping a comfortable atmosphere for them as they learn a new way and keeping in mind their speech delays. And then you've also got the relationship with the parents. So it's almost actually like a three way it's like a three way circle because you've got the kids you've got the parents and then you have the family unit together. Mm. What do you have a story for us that you can share just something that's happened even recently?

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Sure. I've always got stories Okay, so yeah, one of my parents that I had recently, which was an in home therapy session, well, I shouldn't call it therapy, because this was coaching, this wasn't speech therapy, these children were the children of two professionals, and one of the parents was multi linguistic. So with one parent, the children spoke one language and with the other parent that children spoke English. And the communication struggle that came with wanting to raise bilingual children, meant that one parent was always a little bit out of the loop, the English speaking parents because he didn't also speak Spanish, which was the other language. And so when they asked me to come in, we started talking about how it is that you can communicate with the children in this environment, and what it is that's going on. And so one of the days in particular, I walk in, and the kids are totally harried, you know, they're all running all over the place. They were, they were hungry, they were tired. And they needed to behave, while mom and dad paid attention to me. Because my focal point has been the parents primarily. And then. And then eventually, the kids were just like, all over. So I just asked permission to interact just with the kids. And so they said, Yes. And so as I talked with them, and, and played with them just a little bit, and you know, you get into that language of play, when you understand how children think in that language of play, and use words that match what you know that their understanding is, then we have the children's settle down, and they climbed onto my lap. And I, I talked to them a little bit. And then what the parents said to me was, I've never talked to my kids like that before. And we got to talk about what it is, what's the difference. And so they recognize that they normally like talk to their children, in longer sentences, as the adult expectations when the children are still in that playful mode, or that over energetic mode, had how to transition yourself into that mode that they are in to be able to connect, and then send them back out to do what you want them to do. So that transition was like, mesmerizing. So I was surprised at that, because it seemed normal to me. And at that point, I started realizing, hmm, what is it that I actually do? So I started asking my kids, what do I do? Because I didn't know what I did differently. And they were the ones that actually identified for me, well, you get into the head of the child, and you teach people how to get into the brain of the child. So that was, that was kind of interesting. Yeah, that's

Candy Motzek:

super fun. This phrase that you use the language of play. Tell me more about that.

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

So if a child is in an imagination state, which is play, and oh, let's backpedal. Sometimes parents think that play needs to be like, maybe we're playing catch, or we're silly, funny, happy, or we're just like haywire. But I'm not talking about play like that. When I think about play, we're going to talk about play from the perspective of it is imagination. It is exploration, it is trial and error. It is just testing. It is wandering. So if you stay in that mindset, when you're talking with your child, you realize that if that's the way that children are thinking, and they're pouring water from a cup that is one size into a cup, that is another size, and it overflows all over the place. The language that you would use was, huh? What happened? Huh? That didn't work, did it? What are we doing now? Because that's where their brains are at at that time. It's not that they're making a mess on purpose to get you upset. It's not that they're trying to get in the way. But their normal operating system, as they're functioning in life is with this mindset of Hmm, what's that about? I wonder if this will work? What's behind there? I wonder what this is. They might not put it in those words. But that's like an operating system in their brain. So if you enter that kind of thinking, when you talk with them, and talk back in that kind of mindset, you connect immediately, and they can work with you. I can tell you a story of how this happened. One of my students at school was sitting on the floor in the gymnasium. The kids were lining up for the buses, and the children were running around and he was sitting down at the wall and he put his leg out and then he pulled his leg back in and he put his leg out and he pulled his leg back in And he kept on doing this. And then pretty soon the teachers or the, the people that were watching the kids before they got on the bus to leave, notice that he was trying to trip other children. That's the label that they gave it. That is what it looked like. And that is what ended up happening. But I knew this kid. And so I went to see him after school, when all of this news came back to me what had happened. And I said, Hmm, you weren't trying to trip the other kids, were you? And he says, No. I said, What were you doing? And he said, Well, I noticed that there was like a crack in the floor. And I saw that when the kids were running, they rarely hit the crack. So I wondered if I put my leg out if they would hit my leg or not, because they were never hitting the crack. So then I start talking to him with the other teachers and saying, This is what he said to me. What do you think? And anyway, so the bottom line result is that because I knew this child, and I knew that that's going to be what his brain was at naturally doing. He wasn't a malicious kid. He wasn't trying to harm anybody. But it 100% look like it.

Candy Motzek:

Yeah, yeah. So there's a couple things that as you're describing, this is interesting. I remember, you know, when I used to work in corporate there it was this saying, assume positive intent. And we'll say API, right. And so right off the bat, in that particular story that you just showed, you have an assumption that he was doing something, because the result was painful for somebody that the intention was also painful, but it wasn't right. So if we can approach a situation from this assume positive intent, I wonder what we'll find out. So that was the first thing I noticed. And the second is that what you're describing as the language of play, is actually something that most coaches, when we take our coach training, we have to re learn, right? We come back to that place. And I don't use the word wonder. But I do use the word experiment a lot. Let's see what happens will often be something that I'll you know, suggest, what did you learn from that these open ended experimental questions. And the feeling that we like to come from is curiosity. And that's exactly what you're describing. So isn't that interesting that as a coach, as a trained Coach, what we try to do is recapture that childlike approach, not child ish, but child like approach. And so that's fascinating. Gosh, what's that? Yeah. Oh, me, too. I

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

remind in that zone as a coach, it takes a lot of pressure away to,

Candy Motzek:

huh, yeah. Oh, interesting. I want to change tax on you here for a second, I wanted to ask you this question. And then that's because you know, you and I met originally in a mastermind. And I know that, you know, you were starting your business and all of that. So I know that your experience is fresh in your mind. So the question is, what is one thing you wish you had known when you started on your journey to becoming an entrepreneur becoming a coach?

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

There's many things to whittle it down to one might be a tricky, but I will say this, too, to know what I want to know. Like, when I looked at the number of things that I needed to learn, it was like throwing confetti on the floor. And I needed to learn all of it. But I couldn't prioritize, what do I learn first? What do I learn second, what matters in what order and, and it took multiple coaches, before I started forming my understanding of what I need to do in what order. And for me as an individual, I'm probably the greenest person that you have ever seen come into the business world, you know, I've got a deep educational understanding. But I didn't have a broad understanding that would include even business basics, or a lot of computer basics I didn't have. So I couldn't prioritize what I needed to learn. So I would say that having someone who would know how a coach that would know how to get down to the beginning beginner would have been what I wish I would have had at the very beginning. Some way to know what that first those basic basic basic learnings are, but maybe it just comes as dust at you, you know, like maybe that's Just the way it is that it comes sloppily. So that's probably been one of the harder things.

Candy Motzek:

I don't think that and you know, so I remember being a brand new coach, and I remember being brand new to this type of business. And I, I don't think that it's impossible for a new coach to receive training in business, so that they know the right order so that they can prioritize, I think where we get challenged is in the shiny object syndrome in that one trainer says it, do it in this way. And another trainer says, do it in that way. And so a new coach coming in, may be listening to 235 10 people telling them what to do. I was. And so you know, so the first thing is choose your leader, choose your teacher, and stick with them, find somebody you can trust, stick with them, and have a good relationship so that you know that they're the kind of person where you could ask them any question. And they're going to make sure that they explain it to the point where you actually understand it. Business is I hate to say this, because I know that it doesn't seem like this. But business at its core is simple, right? We are people who want to help somebody else, we have something to offer. So who do we help? What are we offering? How do they find out about it? And how do we deliver it? But if you feel like somebody just dumped a whole bag of confetti on the floor, you don't even think about? How could I help them? What should I offer them? How do I work with them? You're so busy looking for the confetti, that you're not even able to look at the client. And that's the most important part, right? Like, who am I talking to? Yeah. So I really appreciate you sharing that with us. Because I know that there's going to be lots of new coaches who are feeling exactly the way you're feeling. Yeah, exactly the way you felt. But look at how far you've come. It's been like eight months. Right? I have come.

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Yeah. I have appreciated your podcast. That has been helpful. Oh, and then yeah, it's been very good. And then, you know, our mastermind together has been very helpful, too. So yeah, it's good. And now I feel like I'm much more have a sense of where it is that I'm going. Yeah, so it's good.

Candy Motzek:

Yeah. You know, what you want to be when you grow up? Grow up, right. Exactly. All right. So let me ask you this question. Again, these are just questions that I come up with, but I'm working on my reading list right now. So the question is, if you were on a deserted island, and you only could take one book with you, and it was going to be for a year, what book would it be? And why would you choose that one?

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

The book that I am currently in the middle of has me totally captivated. And so I'm gonna say that book. And that's Joe Dispenza. is how to get your What is the name of it? How to stop the habit of being yourself?

Candy Motzek:

Yes, yes.

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Is that the name of it? Yeah, the tape. I'll just I think

Candy Motzek:

it's how to stop the habit of being yourself. And I'll put that in the show notes as well. Oh,

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Dispenza. And that has been like, just an amazing brain bender. And it's been wonderful. And I keep rereading different chapters. And thinking, wow, I haven't thought like this before. And it's, you know, I mean, some parts are familiar, but some parts are like, new. And so it's fascinating. Very, very deep work. And I love it. It's very challenging. And so if I had a year, I would know it well.

Candy Motzek:

Yeah. Because so much of the work that he does, as well as based on a particular kind of meditation. And that really likes a different approach to creating, creating our life, creating ourselves creating ourself, you know, our self view as well, right? It is, hmm. All right. You're the first person who said that, so that's great.

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

That is the current book, I'm kind of absorbed in

Candy Motzek:

how many times have you read it?

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

I haven't actually really finished it. I've read it and then I've gone back and read that chapter again and thought about it meditate on then I talked to my son about it. And you know, and then I say, hey, read this and tell me to think and then I go back and so I'm jumping around a little bit but only in the first like five chapter six chapters so far, because my son and I have had some great conversation about it.

Candy Motzek:

And there's an there's back full circle right connection conversation, communication with fam remembers to create that relationship.

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Yes. And being able to like, one of the things that I, as I've been learning and growing in this, let me back up again. Since Lyme disease that has, like, thrown me face to face with who am I? What are my next steps? What are my values? What do I want, because I was flat out, I didn't know if I was going to survive or not. So it was like, a really, you know, figure out what's going on with myself kind of time. And in that I have learned a lot of these things about myself that I didn't know. And my kids saw me in a tremendously ill state. And we walked through it together. Now, the fact that they were like, helping me and all of that is the history of our relationship. We have fun, and we played together. But there's also this new piece of being able to say to my kids, hey, I learned this today, what do you think about it, and now that they're grown, and, and we can talk like that, it is absolutely fascinating to hear my kids come up with theories and thoughts that are beyond mine. And to be able to learn back from them again, it's like this amazing thing, that after you teach your kids, then there gets to be a point that they know, some things you don't know. And they start teaching me back. And there's so much joy in that. It's really amazing.

Candy Motzek:

That's incredible. Yeah, and I mean, despite how terrible it is to have had Lyme disease and to have that whole process and the healing that came after. I wonder, you know, I don't wonder, my guess is, is your relationship would still have been really good with your kids, but maybe not the same level? You know,

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

right. It definitely deepened our willingness to think about things we don't understand. Not judge it, whether it's true or not based on our own understanding, except what is regardless of if you like it, and deal with what is regardless of if you like it without judging yourself in the process. It's been a huge journey, but it's been a good journey.

Candy Motzek:

Yeah, yeah. And aren't you like, aren't you something that you can reflect back and say, it's been a huge journey, but it's been a good one. Right. Like that takes intention to make that choice to frame it in that way. Yeah. It has been a journey of courage that one

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

wouldn't choose for anyone. I wouldn't choose it again.

Candy Motzek:

No, I understand. And Never again, never again. Wow. Yeah, Dina Lynn, it's been such a wonderful thing to have you on the podcast. I know that there's going to be people who listen to this interview, and they really want to come into your world. They want to find out more about you. What's the easiest way for somebody to find out more about you?

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

I think LinkedIn. I mean, yeah, LinkedIn would be a great place. So look up my name, Dina Lynn rosenbusch. I suppose you'll have it there in the show notes for somebody. Well,

Candy Motzek:

I Well, for sure. Okay. Oh, that's great. Thank you so much for joining me. It's been wonderful.

Dinalynn Rosenbush:

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. It's been delightful to see you again.

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