Shownotes
If, as we have said previously, relationships are a quest, then what is the landscape we have to journey through?
Transcript
Welcome to honest talk about heartbreak, dating and relationships, relationships, the podcast helping you navigate your path to happy ever after with your host, Rob McPhillips.
To summarize today's talk in five minutes, so we were talking about the relationship landscape and we talked about instead of looking at. Relationships as being more evident than in the moment, being the zoom out and see them from a bigger time scale, from being able to see your whole life, being able to see how the specific situation that you're in at the moment is just a speck in the big scheme of things.
You have a sense of perspective, being able to visualize the landscape as if you were creating a film, as if you were creating a drawing so that you are able to visualize the emotional states so that you have more ability to look at and. Journey to where you want to go to whatever visualization that you can use is the way that your brain is, is structuring the way it thinks, and so that visualization can tell you how you're looking at the situations of your relationship status.
So we looked at someone had a series of mountains that they had to climb. Someone else was on the edge of a forest and I didn't know what was in the forest. And someone else was confused and not knowing where they're going. And so we looked at what our fears are then. And in the current our current relationships situation, what priority we have to overcome. What was this at and. What what do we do next? So I think that was kind of it, but if I missed anything major out, jump in.
So thank you for being here tonight. If if anyone's got a few minutes to talk about the meetings in general and feedback. Stay on. Otherwise, good night and thank you for being here. So tonight's topic is the relationship landscape. So. We'll get into that in a minute, but just a few things I wanted to take over. Thank you to the people, asked people for opinions and simply said that was quite interesting. Quite a lot to go for.
So possibly at the end of the session or perhaps another time. Well, we'll go through some of those. For anyone new, if you can if you can put your camera on just so we can see you, if you're not comfortable, that that's fine. The so what we do is we're going to have a discussion, we're going to run free like some Startrek sizes and some breakout rooms, so, I mean, the breakout rooms we have is more private discussion.
In the main room, the conversation is recorded. We don't use the video, but we use the audio. So any meeting we've had, you can go back and listen to. What was? OK. So. I think my strengths. So the idea of relationship landscape, does that bring up anything for anyone? Is it confusing or does it before I was quite looking forward to learning what it's all about.
OK, I'll ask this because. What I want to start with is. Really tapping into your imagination kind of might seem a bit weird, but I thought this might be. Because it's something different. This is just the way I kind of envisaged it, and I think it might be useful for you.
So. Before you have any preconceptions, it might be an idea just to go through this exercise to. Exercise your imagination. So if you want to have a camera on camera off as fine seconds, Meeteetse, I'm just going to run free this. And what we're really looking for is how do you envisage it so I don't know if you have any pen and paper about. Or access to it. And you're not going to need it right now, but at the end.
Will. It might be helpful for you to have it. OK, is everyone saying if everyone sits somewhere with a relaxed when they feel comfortable with this little background noise, they can. De. And if you just said, well, we're going to start with this is a breathing exercise, so if you can breathe in really nice before. And in breathe out through your mouth, I said. Every evening for. And in breathing out, Farai.
And then if you see if you can just relax and if you focus on your breathing and keep that breathing pattern and then. Relaxing. Each time that you breathe. So this and now next time when you breathe in, if you can support your muscles. So, Brevin, for. Tense up and breathe out for right to relax. And then just relax. More and more. So if you can imagine all your stresses and worries and concerns and if you imagine just putting them in the bag and just leaving them.
And should you just relax? And then imagine that you can leave them up. You've got a bird's eye perspective. And then above you, above your home. Above the city. Now, if you can imagine your life in a line. And you can see where it begins. And you can see where it goes to. And pick out some of the milestones, the relationship milestones. And just imagine what they were, a deck of cards, you can just pick out a few of the cards, so you pick out a few of the incidents.
As The Receptively Review. And just zulily. We're going to go to the land of relationships and imagine that there's this land. We talked about it being a quest. So the idea of the land is that there has to be a land. The question is within. So. Looking back, looking down. What does this land look like? What can you see? What can you smell or can you touch? What places are in? Where have you been to?
Where are you going to? And what's the journey you have to make? To get from where you are to where you want to be. So if you look look around. Where are the different places? Where is the hazardous? With the easy pass. And then when you're ready. Zoom back about back above. And then back down to the now. Feel being back in your body. And then open your eyes. OK, so for if you have pen and paper, draw out what came to you, what was around, what is the relationship landscape like, if you were in a.
Bad place, where is it if you're in a good place, where is it? And. Map out where all the different places that you could be within the relationship landscape, where you single, where someone. Where is. It's stressful. Where is it lonely, where do you feel love? Where were you happy? And what are the obstacles? And so when you've got something and you feel ready, if you just put in a check ups.
I'm going to open up the breakout rooms so you can discuss it in a small group, if you're still working on it, then just ignore the breakout room invitation. If there's no one talking in the breakout room, if you just leave the breakout room and you'll come back to the main room and then I can reassign you to a different way. If there's a problem in the breakout rooms, there's ask for help. Link, so you get an invitation now when the warning comes that last minute, if you stay in, you've still got a minute to finish your conversations and then automatically bring you back.
And if you're still working on it, then just. Carol, know the breakout. Welcome back then you won't have anything to share about their landscape. My landscape was mountains and a path, no, not a path, a little spot on the ground because there is no path because yeah, I don't work well between the three or four of us, we decided that we're a little bit confused and a bit hesitant about going forward because probably because of past past problems from previous relationships and then.
Yes, like a conflict between what you want and what you're willing to sort of try. Yeah, that's that's definitely what I am at the moment with my little my little spot in the mountains.
OK, so you up in the mountain, you know, I'm at the bottom of a bunch of mountains.
OK, yes. That's a big trek yet. OK, thank you. Anyone else? I can dive in if nobody else wants to go. You know, what I would do is I'm just going to meet everyone if you can meet Sulpher and then whoever wants to talk just so that we don't have background noise going on our. OK, sorry, so mine is mine is a forest below a thick forest. I suppose I'm on that. I'm on the pathway what's behind me, but I left it.
Well, there was a fireplace. Let's just saying I wouldn't say it was quite demonic or anything like that, but it just wasn't a nice place.
And for a while it got really bad.
But now I left the place and I'm moving to a place which I feel is going to be a lot better. I can see some clearing up ahead, but I don't really know whether they are the actual destination that I want to be at. But the excitement for me is that at this I'm going to find out. I'm going to get there. But I'm also preparing myself that it may not be what I was looking for. After all, you know, the gold may not necessarily be in the clearing or it may not be in the other clearing.
So mentally, I'm also prepared not to get too too disappointed if it isn't what I'm looking for and to try and enjoy the journey that I've got there, I've seen it at least and know if along the way I happen to see flowers, tears, you know, whatever, that that's great.
I've learned things. I've seen things, I've experienced things. So to take the journey for what it is also not to have a bit like Alice in Wonderland, I suppose, not have a clock like the Revit time shield of matter. Obviously this is all metaphoric, right. For but so that there is no concept of time. It is just the journey. And I just enjoy the journey as you go through it. And some things don't, don't just rush through and then miss.
But that was a nice bunch of flowers. There was the city. I mean there is a journey to be had, of course, and you don't want to spend too long analyzing a particular theatre or something, but at the same time, you want to not miss things around you. So it's a little bit balance for me as I go through the journey. That's best to I see if that makes sense to anybody, I can put it into plain English.
Well.
You want me to throw you just spend forever wandering around the forest without making it through the forest, though there is the potential, which is why I said it's a very good idea that you picked up on this like it is like peeping through at the end of the forest.
It's over that way. Can well, I mean, I and that's why I said not to spend too long just analyzing all over analyzing something and looked like possible. And it's a it's a balancing act so long as you feel comfortable with your because life is such that you can change what you want. So you may decide that actually this isn't what I want anymore. Actually I want something else. And so long as you're comfortable and you will not look back on it with regret, that's the most important thing.
So what I don't want to do is look back on my journey and regret that I didn't spend time or I spent too much time, but at the same time, don't get too scared to spend the time, will not spend the time and get yourself paralyzed in that, you know, you just do what feels natural, what feels right. But keep your eye on where you want to go. Don't take your eye off where you want to go and analyze.
It is still where I want to go to. I still want to see that. Yes. OK, then carry on, because today I may look at certain things. Maybe I reach a clearing and I look at it and I go this type of clearing sort of total waste of time. There's nothing as total rubbish. When I come back to the path, if I see a similar clearing, I'm not going to go and explore it perhaps and just move on to something else entirely.
Has anyone else got a different. Landscape. And when you think about going up out to Tea Party type of thing, I don't know of anyone in the manga cartoon Akira and it's like a big Nayo Tokyo landscape. And that's kind of where where I went. And I was like looking like a big mouth. And I was looking down and. Everything locked in significant insignificance at the same time. And. I didn't really associate with the other people that were there with.
And I didn't know because you talk about whether you want to go, what direction do you want to be in? And I was totally unsure about which which direction to go in. And I think that was amplified by the fact that I was up in the air in the. And. In this particular landscape, so, yeah, from a visualisations point of view, I mentioned it in the in the break up rooms that I took, the exercise is being.
To. Look into your own life from an external point of view, rather than one which we often do, where we look with limited viewpoints.
So I think taking something positive from it. Usually that image of command that created when you talk, and I think that's a good way of stepping out of your situation and trying to look at it from maybe a different perspective than what you currently go, that's the way I that away.
It's also.
When you look at fairy stories and even films now, they are the way that we work out our fears, what we're dealing with. So, for example, dreams, one of the ideas of reasonings of. Actress of dreams is that it's a way that we develop social skills. And it's how we how we work out what like how we gain the skills that we need to deal with whatever we're facing. So often when there's when we've got a challenge, we start having dreams that are maybe symbolic, but then we have to use those skills.
And so when you look at.
Like the fairy stories of old. All the creatures like the trolls and the demons and the wicked witches and the big bad wolf were all in the forest because that was the extent of where we knew. Now that we know that it's like the aliens are going to come at us or it's artificial intelligence or something like that. So, yeah, again, above it is enables you to see a picture in Dissociates, it's not so personal and also that it's.
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