The world is perfectly balanced, both within and without. When you buy into the fantasy of ‘better’ or ‘worse’, and set yourself up to seek the illusion of greener pastures, you're never present, or satisfied with your life the way it is. Join Dr John Demartini and learn how the balance of love is made up of two sides: support and challenge, and what you can do to recognize love in its many forms to master your own life. Wake up to the possibility of a hidden order and intelligence behind it all.

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Love is a fulfillment, a very highly fulfilling state,

but not the love that most people think of, the puppy love.

I'm talking about this love that I'm mentioning right now.

Love's a synthesis and synchronicity of all complimentary opposites.

Many people when they're very young, in their teens and twenties,

are drawn impulsively with an infatuation

to another individual where they're conscious of their upsides of that

individual, and unconscious of the downsides. A bit blinded,

a bit ignorant, a bit naive,

and they get excited,

almost manic and elated about what they're perceiving this individual to

be. Now,

while we're doing that and while we're blind to the downsides and we're

infatuated like that, we get a lot of dopamine, we get a lot of oxytocin,

a little serotonin, and some enkephalins and endorphins,

and we start to imagine, 'oh my God, this is the one, the special one',

start fantasizing and things. And this is an infatuation.

I don't like to define that as love. It's a form of love,

in the terminologies that people use, but I prefer to call it infatuation.

Puppy love if you will. And this is inevitably,

the more extreme the conscious upsides are and the more ignorant the downsides

are, the higher the probability that you'll be vulnerable

side. So in a day, a week, a month, maybe three months,

maybe six months at the latest,

the other side of the equation starts surfacing.

And as you do if you're infatuated with this individual,

you start storing up those little annoyances, those little peccadilloes,

and you start kinda feeling like, 'Hmm,

that's not who I thought it was going to be.' You know,

it's kind of like a fatal attraction with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close,

if you remember back far enough to that movie, and he was infatuated first,

and then he realized, 'oh my God, I got a crazy one on my hands.' And and this,

by the way, if you drink a little alcohol, sometimes this can be accentuated.

I don't recommend too much alcohol, but, in the process of doing that,

you can blind yourself to the downsides and then get hit broadsided by them

because you're addicted to a fantasy. And you think it's love,

but it's actually just a biological survival mechanism for

procreation. And it's in the amygdala.

The amygdala area of his subcortical area of our brain is firing off.

And it's a primitive part of our brain in a sense, I wouldn't say primitive,

but I mean, all species have it in the vertebrate lineage,

but it's sort of a primitive response. It's a survival response.

And we end up confusing that with true love. It's a puppy love,

it's an infatuation.

And this one eventually teaches us to start to think before we feel.

See, our normal response is where we feel, and then we think,

and that's a typical response for the average person that's, you know,

in puppy love.

But sometimes it's wiser to stop and get a little bit reasonable and think about

what are some of the downsides before you do it.

If you don't have a selective criteria for a mate that you're searching

for, that's reasonable and that does align with what's important to you and also

what's going to be important to that individual, you have a,

usually a bit of a fantasy and you have to find out the hard way.

Now that's one form of puppy love,

and that's the more lower subcortical area of the brain that's firing off.

And there's varying degrees of that,

because sometimes you have a mild infatuation,

which is a little higher functioning brain and more balanced and sometimes it's

extreme and you think, 'oh my God,

this is the one.' And you start fantasizing with

things like this and think, 'oh my God,

this is it.' And that's a sign of a puppy love.

Then there is a deep, true,

I guess you could say true love or divine love,

some people have called it from theological background,

where you actually love both sides of the individual and you see both sides.

Now, let me just go off on a tangent here for this,

because this is important component.

If I was to come up to you and I was to say, 'You're always nice, never mean.

Always kind, never cruel. Always generous, never stingy. Always giving,

never taking. Always considerate, never inconsiderate. Always peaceful,

never wrathful. Always positive,

never negative.' Your own intuition would go

BS and go. 'No,

I'm not always that way.' And you would know that you have another side.

If I was to go to you and I said, 'Well, you're always mean, you're never nice.

You always cruel. You're never kind. You're always negative. Never positive.

Always wrathful, never peaceful. Always stingy, never generous. Always taking,

never giving, always inconsiderate,

never considerate.' Your BS meter would go off again and go 'No,

that's not true either.' You immediately intuitively be thinking of the opposite

side. So if I point out all downsides, no upsides, you immediately think 'No,

I've got nice sides.' If I point all nice sides,

no downsides you'd probably think 'I'm sometimes a bear.' You would

automatically intuitively know you have both sides.

And so if you're in relationship with somebody and you're blinded into thinking

they're going to have more upsides than downsides,

and you're seeing the upsides and not seeing it, like the puppy love,

your intuition is whispering and automatically saying something to you,

whispering to you, but you're ignoring it.

The whispering intuition is always trying to make you conscious of the

unconscious and make you fully conscious and allow you to see both sides of the

individual.

So when you actually see both sides and you actually

embrace both sides, now you have a lasting form of love,

because I assure you, if you stay with somebody for any duration, significant,

you're going to discover there's things you like and dislike,

things you admire and despise, things. you are attracted to and repelled from,

things you want to hug and slug. There's two sides to that relationship.

And when you can embrace both of them equally,

and know that both of them are necessary for your evolution and for your own

development.

The one side that supports your values typically makes you juveniley dependent,

make altruistically sacrifice yourself for them.

The part that's more challenging of your values, the sympathetic activator,

the fight or flight side,

automatically makes you precociously independent and keep your independence and

make sure you end up following your own mission in life.

So that you must have and they've shown that most growth occurs at the border

of support and challenge, the positives and negatives, the two sides.

So true love, the true divine love if you will, or agape love, if you will,

is an appreciation and unconditional love for those two sides.

And if you have that, you will think before you emotionally react.

Instead of having impulses towards somebody and instincts away from certain

people, you now have an appreciation for both sides,

but that's a deeper love. That's a love that can last.

That's a love that's meaningful. In fact, that is the mean,

the mean is between the two polarities. And if you're seeing both sides,

you have meaning in your relationship,

meaning as the extraction out of the unconscious,

and making you fully conscious of this individual, because the real truth is,

whoever you're going to be with for any period of time,

there's going to be things you like and dislike.

And if you can embrace both of them, you have now love making if you will.

Love making is attraction and repulsion, attraction and repulsion, you know,

excuse the expression, but it's the integration of the pairs of opposites.

I always define love as the synthesis and synchronicity of all pairs of opposite

that you're going to have. And by the way,

if you think that you're going to get a person that's going to be kind without

cruel, then you have a delusion.

They're going to be when you support their values,

they're going to be very kind and nice and open to you.

When you challenge their values, they're going to be cruel and mean,

and closed down to you. Welcome to life. This is how life works.

And so you want to be prepared for the real loving relationship.

And by the way, that's including you when you look in the mirror.

If you're basically trying to get a one-sided life and

of yourself and have an impulse for the positives and try to have this instinct

away from the negative, and walk around trying to be addicted to your pride,

well,

you will eventually get crumbled and humbled because pride before the fall.

You're not here to get rid of half of yourself to love yourself.

You're here to love both sides and the same thing for others. And,

there's a difference between setting a goal, which is a fantasy,

which is a one-sided thing without downsides, and a true objective,

objectivity means balanced minded.

And a true objective to love your life and to love your goals and to be

sustainable, is to set goals that have both sides.

So that way you mitigate the risk of the downsides and you're prepared for them

in advance with foresight to achieve.

So if you really want to have love in a more, more profound way,

you want to embrace both sides of life.

That's one of the reasons why I teach the Breakthrough Experience program,

where I teach people how to do that, and I teach them the Demartini Method,

which is a science that many people, I mean, it could be coaches,

it could be people that are involved in education, it could be rabbis,

it could be, you know, priests, it doesn't matter,

but I've got all kinds of people that are using the method on helping people

turn to love, return to love. Now let's just take a look at this for a second.

Let's say I meet somebody that I'm infatuated with and

and I'm blind to the downside.

In the process of doing it I'm now looking up to them and I'm too humble to

admit what I see in them inside me,

and therefore I'm disowning what I see in them inside me.

And whenever I disown a part and see them having something I don't, there's

a wall up there and there's no intimacy.

Intimacy is pure reflective awareness, what you see in them,

you see in you, and you own it in your own form. In the,

in the Breakthrough Experience program,

which I've been teaching for over 32 years and where I teach the Demartini

Method,

we go through there methodically with a science and show that whatever we

perceive in other people is a reflection of a part of us. In other words,

if we are infatuated with somebody and we're too humble to admit what we see in

them inside us, we actually have what we see in them,

but we're just too humble to admit it. We have it.

And we admire that in ourselves and that's why they're reminding us of that and

it's making us feel good about ourselves. That's why we want to be with them.

The same thing on the thing we resent.

We're too proud to admit what we see in them is inside us.

But we actually have it, we feel ashamed of it, we're trying to avoid it.

And when we see them, they remind us of it, we don't like that feeling,

so we want to avoid them.

But we actually have what we see in them in our own form expression,

according to our values. But when we actually own those traits,

in the Breakthrough Experience, I have people own those traits,

the hero and the villain, the things they admire and despise,

the things they like and dislike, when they can own both of them.

And they're not too proud or too humble to admit what they see in others inside

themselves, and they embrace both sides, they actually have the seer,

the seeing, and the seen are the same, which is pure reflective awareness,

which is intimacy.

Many people think that intimacy is when you're infatuated and you're, you know,

you're having lovemaking or something like that and you're infatuated.

That's not intimacy.

That's actually a fantasy of who they are and an assumption that they're giving

you something you don't have. It's a disowned part, a missing part.

And now you feel whole temporarily and you get this little oxytocin rush from

it, dopamine rush, but that's not true love and intimacy.

Love and intimacy is when you realize that what you see in others,

you have it within yourself. And when you have perfect reflective awareness,

you have intimacy.

Because there's no too proud or too humble to admit you have it blocking you

from connection. And in that love, in that state of love,

if you can actually reach that state of love,

you have a very profound openhearted experience.

In the Breakthrough Experience I've been teaching people that science of how to

open the heart for that level of love.

And you can take people that you've never imagined you could open your heart to,

and you can open your heart to them.

I've seen people that have difficulties appreciating their mom, their dad,

their loved ones, their spouse,

I've seen people that want to throw in the towel in their relationship,

do an exercise called the Demartini Method and go and write down whatever

specific trait,

action or inaction they perceive this individual displaying or demonstrating

that they admire or despise most, that they admire or despise most.

And then they go in there and go,

go to a moment where and when they perceive themselves displaying or

demonstrating that same behavior and they find it and that humbles them,

and it makes them appreciate these people.

It makes them realize that 'who are they to judge?' And when they transcend the

judgment and then find out what's the downside of the thing they infatuate with,

what's the upside to the thing that they are resenting,

they realized it had incomplete awareness,

and they were biased and subjective in their viewpoints.

And when they finally go back and re balance it,

they're liberated and they feel a tremendous amount of

have an unconditional love.

The soul is a state of unconditional love or the spirit of unconditional love.

And that is the authentic self. The authentic self is one,

whenever we live by our highest values where we're most objective,

where we're most inspired spontaneously, where we're most fulfilled,

and we see both sides of things,

we have the highest probability of unconditional love,

the highest probability of a real lasting divine love, some people call it.

In that state you're having reflective awareness. That's where all of a sudden,

you don't have a desire, you see,

when you're an underdog you have a desire to fix yourself relative to them,

you want to change you relative to them. When you're resentful of them,

you want to change them relative to you.

When you want to change you relative to them,

you altruistically sacrifice what's important to you to be with them and you

eventually resent that. When you resent them,

you want them to change their life to be more like what you want,

and they resent that. So neither one of those are sustainable models.

And that's why infatuations usually turn into resentments.

The greater the infatuation, the greater the resentment eventually comes.

But if you see both sides,

embrace both sides and have no desire to change them relative to you or you

relative to them, you get to unconditionally love them.

And that's what people want.

People want to be loved and appreciated for who they are.

And who they are is an expression of what they value most.

And if you live according to your highest value and live by priority,

and you live objectively, you get to experience that and people get to give,

fulfill that.

And how are we going to love ourselves if we're not willing to be ourselves?

Every time we judge another person and put them down and put ourselves up,

that's not ourselves. That's a facade, a persona,

mask that we wear called pride.

And anytime we look up to somebody and minimize ourselves, that's a shame mask.

That's a high or low self-esteem instead of a true self-worth.

But when we actually love somebody with reflective awareness,

we're not having to exaggerate or minimize ourselves or minimize or exaggerate

them. We get to put them in our heart. In that state, we have love.

And that's trainable. That's duplicatable. That's a science you can make.

There's a science of love. I've been teaching it for over 30 years, 32 years,

actually 36 years.

And I'm absolutely certain that if you ask the right questions,

you can become aware of the unconscious information that you're hiding from

yourself. Become fully conscious. Get to see both sides.

See the reflection, open your heart, love the individual,

while you love yourself.

You can't love another individual without loving yourself.

In the Breakthrough Experience I've taken people through that process.

And at the end of the process,

when I have them sitting there with tears of gratitude in their eyes for this

individual that they were judging ahead of time,

whether they were infatuated or resentful, because I've taken from both sides,

all of a sudden they have tears of gratitude, their heart feels open,

and they feel present with this individual. And then

in fact, when you're actually really loved somebody, they're present,

it doesn't matter where they are in space or time,

they're right there with you in your mind. And that is very fulfilling.

Love is a fulfillment, a very highly fulfilling state,

but not the love that most people think of, the puppy love.

I'm talking about this love that I'm mentioning right now.

Love's a synthesis and synchronicity of all complimentary opposites.

And if you look very carefully, whoever you're with in a relationship,

they're going to have every imaginable trait. And you're going to think, 'Well,

this time I got one that's better than not.

This one's going to give me more upsides than downsides.' No,

you discover there's some other downsides there that you didn't anticipate.

You find out that there's somewhere in spiritually or mentally or career or

financial or family or social or physical areas of life,

there's some little glitch, that you go, 'Oops.

Now I got to deal with this.' But the reality is you need both sides to grow.

If you get nothing but prey and support and things that you like,

you become like an animal eating prey without a predator,

you get glutinous and fat and you become dependent. But if you get challenged,

you end up keeping yourself fit. You need both support and challenge,

the positives and negatives to make relationships to

I want to find my soulmate.' Well, the soulmate,

believe it or not is the one that allows you to open up the soul,

the state of unconditional love, which is the balanced state,

not the one-sided state.

But so often as we were young in our twenties or whatever, teens,

we have this idea that, okay, I'm going to get this little infatuation.

I certainly did. I remember I was very infatuated with this girl one time,

and I had this, I was going out of my way.

I was doing stuff I normally didn't do.

Normally I was studying physics and mathematics and chemistry and pre-med and

all this stuff that for school,

and all of a sudden I meet this girl and she was this beautiful Spanish model

right, and I thought, 'Oh my God,

I'm so infatuated.' I found myself doing pompom dancing.

If you can imagine me doing pompom dancing.

I was pompom dancing and watching halftime entertainment football situations.

And so in the process of doing that, I realized I wasn't being me,

but I was so afraid to lose that individual because I was infatuated,

that I didn't want to have a, you know, a loss of that person.

Cause whatever you infatuated with, you fear the loss of, whatever you resent,

you fear the gain of.

So you live in fear and anxieties all the time when you're sitting in that

polarized amygdala response.

And so I basically was sacrificing what was important to me,

which is my physics until the last week before a test.

And then I realized I need to tell her I can't be at the pompom

performance.

So I basically went back to my studies and I realized that I want to be loved

for who I am and who I was was a student of life.

And so I wanted to make sure I was able to be loved for that.

So anytime you're infatuated and you find yourself sacrificing what's most

important to you in order to be with them for fear of losing them,

that's puppy love.

Whenever you feel that you can be yourself as yourself and love yourself and

love being with them, and you feel like they're a companion,

you feel like there's a best friend or whatever, and just like,

you don't have to worry about it.

And when you have a bantering mechanism where you can, see,

if you're highly infatuated, you're afraid to upset them.

If you're highly resentful, you're afraid to encourage them, because you know,

you want to make sure that you have a balanced orientation.

People that actually that are the underdogs in relationship,

want to tie the person down. Person that is the overdog in the relationship,

you know, want to be freed. So nature forces things back into fair exchange,

back into authenticity.

All the symptoms in relationships are designed to try to get you to have true

unconditional love. That's it, that's all that's going on as a mechanism.

But we confuse that dopamine rush.

And many times we get caught having intimacy or quote sexual

activities, not intimacy,

but sexual activities with people that we're infatuated with and then we go,

'Oops. Now we got a fatal attraction.' So my advice is stop.

Come to the Breakthrough Experience and learn how to do the Demartini Method in

advance and calm down the infatuations because I guarantee you every

time you infatuate with somebody and you're too humble to admit what you see in

them is inside you,

you're going to end up sacrificing things that are important to you and

eventually that's going to lead to resentment to the very person you're

infatuated with, to eventually balance the equation,

to get yourself back into authenticity. And the same thing.

If you resent somebody,

eventually they're going to teach you the same thing on the opposite side.

Both sides are there to get you to be authentic.

And when you actually walk the path of an unconditional love of your own center

and live by priority and be objective,

you liberate yourself from a lot of crazies and you

the one you love, and you get to be yourself and get to love yourself.

You're not going to love yourself,

sacrificing for others or trying to get others to sacrifice for you.

Those are both futile. They're eventually fatal and they're not utile.

When you're actually having sustainable fair exchange and a beautiful

communication with a matching bantering mechanism where you keep each other in

check.

There's a utility that both grow and both achieve their greatest potential.

That's the kind of love and intimacy that I rather educate you on and teach you

how to do.

That's why I have people come to the Breakthrough Experience to learn how to do

that and learn the Demartini, whether you're a coach or as I said,

a rabbi or a priest or general population, doesn't matter who you are,

that science can help you with yourself and the people you care

about, your clients and your loved ones.

So this same thing applies to your children, it applies to your colleagues.

There's no relationship in this world that's not being impacted by that

principle. So the question is is,

everything that's going on in your life in all the relationship dynamics you

face, are trying to teach you how to have that kind of love.

That deep reflective love.

Now you may not make love with somebody in that way,

you may have a deep love for them,

but not necessarily have a sexual love with them,

but at the same time you'll have a great open-hearted feeling.

And it feels just as fulfilling. I, in fact, I think that's,

when I've asked people in the Breakthrough Experience after they've experienced

this state and they've had tears of gratitude coming

feel extremely present with somebody, and I ask them,

compared to a happiness moment, a little infatuation moment of the puppy love,

would they take puppy love over that? And I've not once seen them say,

'I'll take puppy love.' They understand the profoundness and fulfillment of true

divine state of unconditional love, centered state.

So I just wanted to cover those distinctions because

a difference in your life.

And I know that if you will take the time to either come to the Breakthrough

Experience, learn the Demartini Method,

or if you have people that you care about that may need some help on that,

let them know about it,

because I'm absolutely certain that where I teach you how to do that, you do it.

It's not just theory You actually do it and experience it and know how to do it

so you can take that home and use it the rest of your life.

You deserve to have authenticity. You deserve to have fulfillment.

You deserve to have love.

You deserve to have this true reflective awareness and intimacy.

It's profound. And it's a science.

You can actually recreate that state almost anytime,

anywhere with almost any individual that you want. And the more you do,

the more fulfilled you have in your life.

And the more love you get to have in your life.

As Kahlil Gibran says 'love is its own reward'.

And I really believe that it speaks for itself,

but be aware of the difference between the puppy love and the gradations up to

true divine love. True real openhearted love. It's very profound.

Anyway,

in order to help you with that and to help you apply this in any area of your

life. I have a program called Balancing Your Emotions because watch this now,

if you're infatuated, that's an emotion. If you're resentful, that's an emotion.

If you synthesize them, that's love.

Love's a synthesis of both sides of the emotional scale.

So Balance Your Emotions for Greater Achievement,

what I'm going to do in this particular masterclass, it's a free master class.

Please take advantage of it,

because what it does is it can give you some ways to empower your intellectual

development, your career, your business, your finances, your relationships,

social life, physical fitness, to be inspired.

It's how to go and apply and empower those areas by having this love

and intimate love that I'm just talking about.

So how to Balance Your Emotions for Greater Achievement, grab it,

take advantage of the free masterclass. I promise you,

you will listen to it multiple times and it will be applicable and take some

notes and get ready to go and apply it.

It's the application of the knowledge that makes a difference and just know that

you deserve to be loved for who you are. You want to be loved for who you are.

You have a way of doing it now, you have a science of doing it. I teach it.

I've been teaching it for many, many decades,

and I'm absolutely certain that you can use it and apply it in your life and

make a difference in life. You deserve to be loved for who you are.

You don't need to be anybody else and you don't need to get rid of half and half

of yourself or some part of yourself to love yourself.