Before I became a coach, studied organisational psychology, or discovered Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I spent years in HR leadership. One of my roles was leading the Conduct and Discipline Team in a large government department in the UK Civil Service. In that job I became increasingly curious about what really drives human behaviour.
In this special solo episode, I share my working hypothesis about leadership:
Under pressure, leaders often default to behaviours designed to reduce discomfort rather than create impact.
I explore six common patterns of psychologically inflexible leadership and introduce my leadership framework, built around three core skills topped and tailed by the Pause and the Review Loop:
Pause
Awareness
Authentic Action
Adaptability
and the Review Loop.
Along the way, I share stories from my own leadership journey, including:
What I learned from conduct and discipline cases
A memorable disagreement with a tech startup founder about the value of pausing
The conversation with my husband that changed what I paid attention to
Lessons from coaching senior leaders through moments of challenge and transition
Why authenticity became such an important part of my leadership philosophy
This episode is both a reflection on leadership and an invitation to consider what might be running you when pressure shows up.
In this episode
Why leaders are not exempt from being human
Six common ways leaders can drift off course
Why the pause is a leadership superpower
The importance of awareness and noticing what matters
Values, authenticity and courageous action
Adapting without abandoning yourself
Why reflection turns experience into wisdom
What ACT has taught me about leadership and human behaviour
Key quote
"Pressure doesn't reveal who we are. Pressure reveals what's running us."
Reflection question
When pressure rises, what patterns show up most often for you?
Resources
You can find an illustration of my ACT-based Leadership Framework in the show notes.
People Soup: Real conversations about work, leadership, and being human — grounded in behavioural science, with practical ideas you can actually use.
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[00:00:21] But in this episode, I want to share some of my own reflections Reflections from leadership, coaching, organisational psychology, [00:00:30] and from years of trying to understand a question that has fascinated me for a very long time. Why do good people do things they later regret? And what does that mean [00:00:40] for leadership?
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[00:00:50] I want to start with that question: Why do good people do things they later regret?
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[00:01:10] and things we explored were accessing inappropriate websites from work, sharing intimate photos on work systems, [00:01:20] Conflicts, selling the story of a high-profile affair, disciplinary hearings and suspensions, and much more
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[00:01:59] [00:02:00] status, shame, loneliness, and sometimes the need to belong. And over time, I realized that leaders weren't exempt from any of [00:02:10] this. I just didn't have the language for it yet. And then I discovered ACT, acceptance and commitment therapy
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[00:02:48] And I've [00:02:50] absolutely been guilty of some, if not all of these myself
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[00:03:39] [00:03:40] And the rub is that avoidance rarely feels like avoidance when we're doing it. Number four, reactivity. The old [00:03:50] classic, the email sent too quickly by a keyboard warrior on autopilot. The sigh in the meeting. The sarcastic comment that lands [00:04:00] badly. They all feel very human Number five, values drift. the leader who slowly becomes someone they [00:04:10] never intended to be, not dramatically, but incrementally.
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[00:04:27] Now, what's important here [00:04:30] is that none of these behaviors automatically make someone a bad leader. They make them human, And under pressure, human beings [00:04:40] often narrow their attention and their behavioral repertoire
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[00:05:05] And I want to tell you a story about the pause. A few [00:05:10] years ago, I was invited to give an introductory talk about ACT in the workplace to a tech startup. It was for about 60 people, [00:05:20] The chief people officer was really keen on ACT, and I had multiple meetings with them to prepare and design a 45-minute presentation that had the best [00:05:30] chance of landing well So the day arrived.
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[00:06:00] We're agile, we're sharp, we're responsive. It's part of the USP of this organization We crack on and we get shit [00:06:10] done
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[00:06:39] [00:06:40] And after the presentation, on reflection, I also realized something. The pause can be deeply counter-cultural but without pause, [00:06:50] urgency becomes identity, reaction becomes leadership, and speed becomes virtue
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[00:07:03] And I distinguish between a macro pause, a time for reflection, and a micro pause, which is when we catch [00:07:10] ourselves in flight and adjust our trajectory
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[00:07:38] And if the pause creates [00:07:40] space, awareness helps us understand what's actually occupying it. And for me, awareness arrived through what I can only describe as a metaphorical [00:07:50] itch.
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[00:08:08] And I can't remember how it came [00:08:10] about, but I was having a conversation with my husband where I said, "What will I be remembered for?"
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[00:08:28] And this is where [00:08:30] awareness became internal, contextual, and existential. I began noticing buried doubt, restricted creativity, [00:08:40] a narrowing future, and perhaps a values mismatch too but what awareness did, it gave me choice. And it took a while, [00:08:50] maybe 18 months, but then an opportunity presented itself, And I made the decision to leave the civil service and pursue a master's in organizational [00:09:00] psychology, where I discovered ACT
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[00:09:34] and I'm gonna tell you about a coaching client of mine who was doing tremendously well in [00:09:40] their career. They were on track to become the youngest partner ever in the law firm where they worked. Externally successful, internally [00:09:50] miserable Their life seemed to be organized around achievement, expectation, and not disappointing people.
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[00:10:04] it was like she wasn't choosing her life. She was managing other people's [00:10:10] disappointment. Authentic action isn't about rebellion. It's about alignment. And here's where leadership gets complicated, because acting [00:10:20] authentically doesn't always mean making radical changes. Sometimes it means learning how to express yourself differently in a changing environment [00:10:30] without abandoning what matters.
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[00:10:52] And in the new public sector context, they noticed resistance, bureaucracy, muted [00:11:00] responses, and a cultural mismatch
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[00:11:15] Why can't I create the impact I used to create in this [00:11:20] organization?
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[00:11:34] And this is important because flexible leaders adapt their approach [00:11:40] without abandoning themselves. And what struck me about that work was how much insight came afterwards, not in the middle of the struggle, but in [00:11:50] the reflection on it, which is why I think there's one final leadership loop that often gets neglected, and that's the review.
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[00:12:04] and when I reflect on my own leadership journey, I think part of what shaped me [00:12:10] most was spending years hiding parts of myself, managing perception, scanning environments, using humor, trying to fit in, [00:12:20] and self-protection.
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[00:12:27] Because there's something about growing up [00:12:30] gay and eventually coming out that teaches you a great deal about self-protection. and also eventually about authenticity. [00:12:40] And maybe that's why ACT resonated so deeply with me, because underneath all the models, frameworks, techniques, and leadership theory was something much [00:12:50] simpler
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[00:13:27] Speaker 2: P. Supas, that's it. My reflections [00:13:30] on why good leaders go off track in the bag
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[00:13:38] as ever, thanks for [00:13:40] listening, and thanks for sharing People Soup with others. You're helping us bring evidence-based ideas to more people. Until next time, look after yourselves, PEA Soupers, and bye for [00:13:50] now
