Recorded on International Women’s Day, as a tribute to all the women out there that have held on to “secrets” in fear, shame, or feeling unworthy. This is for you! Sexual abuse is a tragedy that affects 1 in 3 women, and #metoo is too common! Women deserve to be heard, share their stories, and know that they can stand in their truth. 

In this episode, I share my reflections on the experience of realizing the need to end the silence for myself on International Women’s Day.

About the Host:

Tanya is your no-bs friend, teacher, social worker, and life coach! Her life has been many wtf moments including becoming a widow, struggling with weight and body image issues, dating after loss, single parenting, remarriage, and blending families. She is joyfully married to her second soul mate, the parent of 4 incredible kids (one of whom is LGBTQ2S+), and the momma to a sheepadoodle named Walter. As a speaker, writer, and coach, Tanya steps into her life’s purpose daily – to INSPIRE HOPE.

Get in touch with her at www.perfectlyimperfect.wtf to share your thoughts, ideas for future episodes, or just to say hi! 

And follow the fun and inspiration on Instagram and Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/PerfectlyImperfect.wtf

https://www.instagram.com/perfectlyimperfect.wtf

Hugs, Hip Bumps, and Go ahead and SHINE!

Xo Tanya

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Hi friend, I'm Tanya Gill Welcome to Lighten Up and Unstuck Your What the Fuck. Together we explore the ways through life's stickiest moments, and how to live with more peace, joy, love and gratitude. We're going to talk honestly about what isn't easy so you can discover the light within you that will carry you forward. My friend, this podcast is about you in real life, your body, mind and soul, and the opportunity to not only live your best, but shine and doing it.

Hi, friends, I am so glad you're here. So I want to start by sharing with you a card that I pulled today, I have a new deck. And it's called the Rose Oracle. And it's by Rebecca Campbell, and she is a really beautiful soul. The card that I pulled today is called sub Rosa. And sub Rosa says hidden in plain sight mysteries, learning and teaching. Now, in the explanation, it says that sub Rosa means basically under the rose. And it was understood that things said under the rose would be kept secret, and not repeated. Now it's interesting, because secrets is something that I'm personally working through right now and the importance of truth. And so the idea of there being mysteries hidden in plain sight, I came to this thought that that secrets are waiting to be found and their teachings, your soul is ready to learn. And and this card speaks to that it speaks to being called to step into your role, my role, whatever that means. And understanding that the wisdom of the universe is with us the wisdom is within and that we can trust this process. And so what's amazing about this card, and you're like why she's saying all of this is very strange. The reason I'm sharing all this is is because this card arrived this morning before I did my speaking engagements on the voices of Women's Summit. And I really proud to be on the voices of women Summit, it was an honor. I believe so wholeheartedly in voices of women and girls throughout the world. And I had a talk plan that I was going to talk my talk was called lighten up and unstuck. You're What the fuck? Does that sound reminiscent that's where we are.

But lighten up and unstuck. You're What the fuck was going to be about when my husband died 14 years ago and what it was like losing my first husband and soulmate and being left a widow with a four year old and an eight month old. And how I entire world changed in that moment. And how one step in front of the other. I moved through it and what the keys to moving through it have been and then what the apps happen. And you know what, you know what, here's the thing, whether they're big or they're small, they deserve to have a voice and be acknowledged and they deserve to be acknowledged. And just over a week ago I was sitting in my car alone making a drive to have a conversation with someone I love very, very dearly. And I knew that once that conversation happened our worlds that person's everyone related to it, everyone related to mine. Our worlds would implode. And I also knew that for more than the past year. I have known of this. I have had flashbacks of this. I have worked with my therapist with this. And I continue every day to move through this true Ruth, that is part of who I am. And it's a pretty big What the fuck. And so I actually made that decision, it is International Women's Day. And when we remember that one in three women can use the me to hashtag silence is really preventing us from living authentically. So there I went. Last night, I kind of rewrote things a little bit, and I ran it by my husband, because, well, data, my inner critic was having a heyday with this decision. And I really focused on remaining grounded in the free feeling that I had, knowing that I was going to speak my truth, and then actually doing it. So I did just that I really worked. My presentation. And I spoke my truth because it is International Women's Day. And voices do deserve to be heard. And for fucksakes, the hashtag me to movement says, one in three. And knowing what I know of the experience of sharing such a truly painful and vulnerable truth. And it not being received well. Yet, I trust the universe is with me on this, and this is going to work out for the highest good of all.

On my way there, I asked the universe, for this, to serve the highest good of all, for this, to be delivered, and received with nothing but love and light. And for the freedom in this truth. And as I say that the freedom in this truth, the freedom in this truth has arrived. I do feel freedom in this truth. And that's why I chose to speak about it today in an international platform with a group of women that I can't call strangers, their friends yet to be met. They were there for a reason. I was there for a reason. It all happened for a reason. And I am only grateful. I am only grateful. Was it scary as fuck? Oh, my God, did data have a heyday with me? Holy Hell yeah. She had lots to say. And she was happy to scream at me. Before I shared my truth as my loved one, she was screaming Some secrets are best kept and you're hurting the people you love. And it's your word against his and he's not here to defend himself. And what I realized was the data was actually just moving me into shame. And you know what, like, some of that is just built in the cornerstones of shame. And we call it guilt because it's easier to digest. But at the end of the day, it's what Brene Brown says, shame is one or two statements Who the hell are you to? And in my case, data was screaming Who the hell are you to speak your truth and drop that bomb and put this out there and hurt more people. She was giving it all to me. And then the other one is, I'm not enough. Which is I'm not worthy of having this voice. I don't deserve a platform to talk about this or anything else, she actually says, lots about that. And so she's acknowledged, I'm here right now, because I've acknowledged her and because I've said, Okay, data, I hear you. But maybe there's one person that needs to hear this. And so I'm just gonna say what I need to say. And the people that doesn't land with probably aren't even listening anymore. So forward we go, but I hear ya.

And I also know that that's part of that cultural stew. And so we move forward. And so today, I just want to share with you that doing hard stuff is really like taking that next step. It's taking the next step and and trusting yourself. Taking the next step, and trusting yourself. And remembering that every single journey and I, you know, I don't like to be cliche, quote, he quotes but every single journey starts with a single step. And it is true. Like, when I learned and understood the abuse that happened, and I started to get the flashbacks. And I was moving through my own layers of grief and loss. And I'm not saying they don't exist anymore. I'm saying that I am. Proud to say I have an amazing therapist, I am proud to say that I'm working on this every day. And that I and I don't do it alone. What I, what I want you to know, though, is that a year ago, I didn't think I would ever be even able to speak my truth. I felt so much shame in it. I really did say to myself, Who the hell are you to? And you are not enough. And so it is that one day at a time showing up for yourself, building the trust with yourself acknowledging yourself wholeheartedly. That moves you through. And I'm going to say it like I am in a really bizarrely magical moment right now. I'm doing a recording. Because this is just coming from my heart. I spoke my truth at an international women's conference. And this is becoming a podcast. And it hurts. And it hurts. It's kind of one of those ultimate What the eff moments and I think we can all relate to them. Seriously, have you ever been in a situation where it hurts, it just hurts. And yet at the same time, you can see that there is good coming from it. And it's that trusting the next step.

So if you've had one of those experiences, shoot me a message in one of the socials on Facebook or Instagram perfectly imperfect dot WTF. And yeah, like, join that conversation. Have you been in a situation where good things are happening, but you're also experiencing the hurt. And it really comes down to honoring both of those having the awareness that they can coexist, that life doesn't have to be black or white, positive or negative. But also recognizing that what you resist persists. So acknowledgement has so much power and being able to step into recognizing, hmm, this sucks and this is hard, as well as there is light and goodness in its tiniest morsels still existing in reflection on speaking at voices of women, I have no regrets. It was beautiful. I am nervous to see the replay. But you know what I've received some really kind feedback and and I'm grateful for that.

At the end of the day, it's voices of women. We deserve to have our voices heard and to speak our truth. And to be able to trust ourselves to do that. It is where our self love is born. It is how we move through self love every day. I know that had I not experienced what I did, being diagnosed with work related PTSD having the disclosure of sexual abuse and then the flashbacks losing a loved one to COVID It was all happening really quickly in a very, very short time in my life. And it was a big What the f. But every day showing up with love and gentle care and consideration, and listening to myself was the way forward. And that's the way forward for everybody. It's one day at a time. You can't dwell on how you didn't work out yesterday. You can't dwell on how you said something you regret yesterday. You're right here right now you've got a choice. Tap into what serves your highest good Be aware of your boundaries. Gently listen with love to both your inner critic and then also consider that what the fuck means. What's this for as well. love so much love to all of you always and in all ways. Take gentle care and please know that it is within you from my heart to yours.