Have you ever caught yourself saying, "I'm probably just overthinking it"?

That's exactly what I said in a recent supervision session. My supervisor responded with a simple question:

"Are you overthinking - or are you diminishing your feelings?"

That question stayed with me.

As therapists, we're often deeply compassionate people. We want to be kind, fair and understanding. But sometimes our kindness towards other people comes at the expense of ourselves.

In this episode, I reflect on how easy it is to ignore our own needs because we're worried about disappointing someone else. Whether it's charging a cancellation fee, ending a session on time, saying no to a new client or making a difficult professional decision, our fear of disapproval can sometimes become louder than our own values.

I also explore why consistency matters, how resentment can grow when we don't honour our own boundaries, and why listening to ourselves is an important part of ethical, sustainable practice.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why "overthinking" isn't always what we're doing
• The difference between kindness and self-neglect
• How people pleasing can influence our professional decisions
• Why your values are a better guide than someone else's approval
• How healthy boundaries protect both you and your clients
• The importance of looking after yourself as well as those you support

If you've ever struggled with saying no, worried about getting things wrong or found yourself putting everyone else's needs before your own, I hope this episode reminds you that your wellbeing matters too.

If you'd like support from a community of therapists who understand these challenges, Therapy Growth Group offers weekly live calls, practical marketing support and a welcoming place to think things through with others in private practice.

Setting up in private practice? Download my free checklist HERE

Need ideas for how to get clients? Download my free handout 21 Ways for Counsellors to Attract New Clients HERE

You can also find me here:

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My website: josephinehughes.com

Keywords: therapists, counsellors, psychotherapy, private practice, therapist boundaries, people pleasing, self care, burnout prevention, compassion fatigue, professional boundaries, supervision, therapist wellbeing, values, cancellation policy, counselling podcast

The information contained in Good Enough Counsellors is provided for information purposes only. The contents of this podcast are not intended to amount to advice and you should not rely on any of the contents of this podcast. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this podcast.

Josephine Hughes disclaims all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this podcast.

The other day, my supervisor challenged me in such a gentle way, but it really opened things up for me.

So let's just give a shout out.

To all you supervisors who do this.

Day in and day out.

But she simply asked me a question.

She asked, are you overthinking or are you perhaps diminishing your feelings?

And then she just paused and let me think about it.

Welcome to Good Enough Counsellors, the podcast for growing a private practice without the pressure to be perfect.

I'm Josephine Hughes, counsellor and creator of Therapy Growth Group, helping you get the clients you want and create the practice of your dreams.

Welcome to Good Enough Counsellors and another of my shorter episodes.

And this was something that initially got sparked off because of the work I do on social media, but.

But it then stretched out into something much bigger and I hope that it might help you as a therapist.

But really what my supervisor got me to think about was all about whether or not I was looking after myself and how I wasn't setting my boundaries because I was frightened of what people people would think.

So I'm just going to share a few ideas around that subject because I.

Know that I'm not the only one who struggles to set boundaries.

So there I was sitting in supervision discussing a situation that I was thinking about and I paused and just said, oh, maybe I'm just overthinking it.

And my supervisor gently challenged me on.

That and gave me the space to think about what was going on inside me.

And I was actually ignoring or dismissing really what I think my inner self was telling me.

And I shared with her.

Let me.

Later, I went downstairs and looked at my calendar.

You know how often I find inspiration from calendar entries?

And it was talking about self care and it said sometimes when we put other people in front of us, we aren't using self care, but actually what we're doing is we're being self care less.

And that really spoke to me as.

Well because what I realized I was doing was I was so keen to be liked and accepted by others that I was putting what they wanted and their needs ahead of myself.

And in that way I was actually betraying myself and I was allowing myself to be, I wouldn't say pushed around really, but you know, if you don't stand up for yourself, then people won't really think about your needs or treat you in a way that you would like to be treated.

And so I was just able to stop and acknowledge that there was a real part of me that was crying out to be looked after.

And actually that adult part of me needed to look after that part of me that was crying out to be looked after.

So I thought I would share a little bit about what gets in the way.

And while I was thinking about this in a completely different situation, I think it can apply to us as therapists as well, especially in things like, should I charge a cancellation fee?

Oh, I find that really difficult every single time.

But there's other ways it comes up.

As well, such as, should you charge a higher fee?

For example, perhaps you need to do what my supervisor did and actually gently challenge your client.

Or maybe it's something like you actually have to stop them talking because they've reached the end of the session.

It could be a whole number of things, but we can often find it really hard.

And I think sometimes it's because we're trying to be kind, we're trying to look after other people.

But then, just like me, what can happen is that the part of you that does need boundaries, that does need to be looked after, isn't attended to.

And ultimately that can lead to difficult feelings of things like resentment.

And so it really is important to listen to ourselves and to be able to set those boundaries.

But thinking about it in our heads.

Is often much easier than actually putting it into practice.

When I was thinking about this as well, I remembered what I've been told a few times by people in the BACP about why complaints happen.

And often complaints happen because there isn't a consistency there for the client.

And I think if you're a bit like me and you put other needs ahead of your own needs, and you aren't setting those boundaries and you aren't being consistent, that actually means you're giving mixed messages and someone might be doing something for a while, that is fine.

And then you decide that you're going to set your boundary.

But by that time, you've almost created an expectation about the way things are, and then you come in with another boundary.

And that can be really difficult for people.

They don't really understand where it's come from or why it's fair.

And this is when complaints can happen.

It's about that inconsistency.

So it doesn't really help us in the long run to not really think these things through and not to apply them.

But it is really hard, especially if you're neurodivergent and you've got sort of rejection sensitivity, dysphoria, because it really hurts the thought of rejection.

And if you do do something that causes someone to be angry, with you or reject you.

That is an incredibly painful feeling.

And so we tend to avoid it because we don't really like having to face that pain.

But it doesn't help us in the long run, does it?

So I was thinking about what tends to happen, and here's just a few different scenarios I've just mentioned about wanting to be kind to people.

I find this sometimes with cancellation because I think, well, yeah, I could afford to let that go.

Maybe they haven't got enough money to pay.

And what I'm not doing is being consistent there and I'm not showing the consistent values.

And I think often what can happen is we need to come back to our values and how we should apply them.

And I can get really muddled up.

In this because I also want to be fair.

And then I think to myself, well, is it fair that I'm charging someone a cancellation fee?

And then I get tied up because.

I think, oh, well, I charge so and so cancellation fee.

So I should charge this person a cancellation fee.

Oh, my goodness.

It just goes round and round in my head.

But I think it's really important to come back to our professional values and to think about how should shape us in what we're doing.

But there's also another fear that can come in at this point, and that is the fear about getting it wrong.

And that can lead to perfectionism as well.

And you end up sort of tossing these different decisions around thinking, well, should I do this or shouldn't I do this?

And I did it with so and so, so I should do it with this person.

But this is a different situation and oh, my goodness, it's just really difficult.

So I think it is helpful.

You know, I'm thinking about cancellations here.

It is helpful if we can just decide what we're going to do and try and apply that across the board.

And remember here that sometimes setting a boundary, it can feel really uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't set it.

So just pop that in there.

But really what I wanted to concentrate today is thinking about that discomfort that we feel and that fear that we feel that if we set a boundary, people aren't going to like it.

But I think it's really important to come back to what our values are and allowing our values to actually shape what our decisions are.

I think that our values are actually a better guide to what is right than someone else's disapproval.

I'm just going to say that again.

I think our values are a better guide to doing what is Right.

Than someone else's disapproval.

So let's just think about that in a few different scenarios.

For example, ending on time, you might think all the client's upset, or, you know, they're in the middle of a story and it feels difficult to interrupt that and bring things to a close.

And I know people will say, well, you know, you have to be aware of what's going on and you have to bring them into land.

That's all very well in theory, but sometimes it can be quite difficult in.

Practice if you've got someone who's really.

Sort of talking away and then they start to open up and you're watching the clock and thinking, oh, my goodness, you know, I need to bring this to a close.

And actually, in the longer run, it is better to bring it to a close, even if it seems abrupt at the time.

Because actually what you're doing is you're showing them that you're holding that boundary and it's helping them to stay safe.

I always remember someone saying to me, you know, sometimes the client is actually aware of the time and they might pop something in just at the end, because that's all they have to say about it in that session.

And so sometimes by letting them overrun, they're actually not ready for that anyway.

So I always think that's a really interesting way of looking at it.

So although they may be disappointed that we stop them, perhaps also as well, what we're doing is we're adhering to our professional values of keeping someone safe of them knowing what the frame of therapy is.

Something else that can come up is perhaps you get contacted by someone who really wants to see you, but actually, you know in your heart of hearts that you're not the right therapist for them.

And so what happens then is you may end up disappointing somebody, but in the longer run, it's better that you disappoint them now than later down the line.

But it's still really difficult if you're caring person, to have to turn someone away.

It might just be that you haven't really got time to see them and the temptation there is to squeeze them in.

But that doesn't look after you.

And you may end up, as I said earlier, you could end up being resentful because you've given too much of yourself away.

So this is how listening to your values is actually a really important factor it in making decisions.

As I said, this is something that.

My supervisor really challenged me on.

Was I going to listen to myself and what I needed, and was I going to set my boundaries.

And it's just so hard, isn't it?

And thank goodness that I had that supervision session.

But I just wanted to say that sometimes it's really helpful to be able to talk about this with your peers as well.

And it's something that I give people an opportunity to do.

In my therapy growth group, we do have regular live calls every week, and that means that it's an opportunity to come and share with people.

And on my Wednesday mornings in particular, there's always time to discuss issues that are troubling you, that are coming up.

And you'll be with other therapists who understand what it's like, who knows how difficult it can be and how these decisions, we really do struggle with them sometimes.

And so I'd just like to invite you if that's something that you feel you could benefit from.

That therapy growth group is actually open and available to you.

You.

We're primarily all about helping you reach out to clients, but part of that is a really supportive group.

So if you'd like to be a part of that, just check out the link in the show notes.

Thank you very much for listening and I will see you again next time.

Bye for now.

Thanks for listening.

Do come and join my Facebook community.

Good enough counsellors.

And for more information about how I can help you develop your private practice, please Visit my website, JosephineHughes.com if you found this episode helpful, I'd love it if you could share it with a fellow therapist or leave a review on your podcast app.

And in closing, I'd love to remind you that every single step you make.

Gets you closer to your dream.

I really believe you can do it.