Shownotes
My guest's life was turned upside down when she suffered a serious of losses in mid life. But she went through grief to craft her dream life, surrounded by Bulgarian goats!
With Silke Harvey - Silke Harvey is a life transition mentor, musician, and storyteller who helps women over 50 rebuild their lives after loss and works with them to create a life that finally feels like theirs. - Silke's Website - Silke on YouTube - Silke's Facebook page
And your host -
Eleanor Marker - Therapist and life coach - eleanormarker.com
Transcripts
Welcome to the Aprica Podcast because a little advice goes a long way.
Speaker A:Welcome to the Aprica Podcast where we discuss a common challenge many of us face and give you a little piece of life advice to go away and to try out.
Speaker A:Today's podcast is about loss, specifically that unique loss that comes to a woman with the loss of a long term relationship.
Speaker A:And I know as a coach myself, I work with many women in their late 40s onwards who are really struggling with not just the loss of their relationship, but also the loss of shared dreams and a loss of a sense of trust.
Speaker A:And I'm joined today by Silky Harvey, who is going to be reassuring us that this loss can actually lead to a glorious future.
Speaker A:So, Suki, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today and do share with us your story.
Speaker B:Hello, Eleanor.
Speaker B:First of all, thank you so much for having me on the podcast.
Speaker B:It's a pleasure to be here.
Speaker B:And today I will share my story about complete loss, not just of my marriage, but my health, my mom, my career, everything and how I actually got through it.
Speaker B:And I'm now living my best life.
Speaker A:That's perfect because one of the things I know when, when we spoke together before we started doing the podcast and I, I remember I said to you that I think that there's, there's something about having a lost relationship in that middle part of your life, you know, like 40s, 50s, 60s, where there are quite a lot of losses going on.
Speaker A:You know, quite often maybe you've been at home with the children and so you maybe don't have a career to go to or maybe change careers.
Speaker A:And quite often the children are leaving home around about that time and the parent, your parents are getting old and so even if you haven't lost them, you have lost that particular dynamic that is the parent child dynamic.
Speaker A:And maybe that shifted into something more like caring.
Speaker A:So there is a lot of loss at that time, isn't there?
Speaker A:So talk to us then about what you experienced.
Speaker B:So I actually almost lost my life in December 22nd.
Speaker B:That's where the very first loss started.
Speaker B:I lost my health.
Speaker B:It was a freak accident.
Speaker B:The dog boxed me in the stomach, hernia, complete occlusion of the intestines, had four hours left to live by the time I got to the hospital because I had to do this on the first day of the NHS strikes in the UK.
Speaker B:So it took 48 hours to even get inside a hospital.
Speaker B:So that gave me a lot of food for thought because the Christmas that followed was very quiet and that was My first reflection on life, because when you get that close to the other side, it gives you a new perspective on things and your priorities.
Speaker B:But then the complete tower moment that happened in my life didn't stop at that.
Speaker B:In the beginning of January, I got a dreaded phone call that we all dread who live away from our parents.
Speaker B:Because I lived in the uk, my mom was in Germany, and her neighbors called and said, we, we think you better come, your mom's not right.
Speaker B:And I sort of thought, well, okay, yeah, she had a cough for a long time, but we all thought it was long Covid.
Speaker B:But I said, well, I'm coming the end of the month anyhow.
Speaker B:I come every year for my birthday.
Speaker B:And they said, no, we don't think you should wait even that long.
Speaker B:Come now, please.
Speaker B:So I got pretty worried, got in the car, drove over 18 hours later.
Speaker B:I actually found my mom, the worst she's ever looked.
Speaker B:I took her to the hospital and they told me she maybe, if we're lucky, had 10 days left.
Speaker B:It was lung cancer, terminal.
Speaker B:Her coughing that continued all throughout the COVID period was actually lung cancer.
Speaker B:And nobody caught on because of all those circumstances.
Speaker B:We all just thought she got sick with the COVID So that was obviously a complete shock.
Speaker B:I was still sick myself.
Speaker B:I mean, I'd driven across Europe with fresh stitches in my stomach, everything, and I was really not well myself, but I was trying to cope.
Speaker B:I called my husband at the time of 31 years, and for some reason he acted completely weird on the phone, completely ice cold, no sympathy whatsoever was coming out with comments like, well, what do you expect?
Speaker B:Your mom was a heavy smoker, she had it all coming.
Speaker B:And I had no idea what was happening because there was no lead up to this.
Speaker B:He was always just the happy son in law.
Speaker B:He called her mom as well.
Speaker B:And then two days later, I get a message on Facebook, I won't be there when you come home.
Speaker B:I'm leaving you without any previous lead up or any signs of it.
Speaker B:And there was me standing in my mom's empty apartment, trying to figure out how to make her as comfortable as possible in her last few days.
Speaker B:And then this.
Speaker B:So this big void opened up.
Speaker B:And I must admit, I must have stood there for a good 10 minutes just staring at my mobile phone thinking, what the hell is this?
Speaker B:You know, couldn't really even process it.
Speaker B:So then I spent those last few days in complete shock.
Speaker B:I still remember that there weren't actually many feelings about.
Speaker B:I barely cried, I didn't do anything.
Speaker B:And I Kept all of this from my mom because I thought the last thing she needs now is a marriage breakup in her last few days alive.
Speaker B:So I kept up the face.
Speaker B:I saw her across the rainbow, safely saw to her affairs, got rid of everything, closed up the flat, and then on the 1st of March, drove back to the UK, where I was greeted with an empty house.
Speaker B:You know that the place I'd left the marital home that was full of laughter and full of life was suddenly just a mausoleum I walked into with my mom's urn under my arm.
Speaker A:You know, it was literally so brutal.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:So when I arrived there, I finally had time to breathe and I crashed.
Speaker B:I just sat for days and days and days and stared at the walls.
Speaker B:Didn't even know what to do.
Speaker B:Went into deep depression for the first time in my life.
Speaker B:I'd never experienced depression before, but that, that was a real one.
Speaker B:And basically spent the entire summer just sitting in the house staring at the walls because to make everything worse, all the people I thought were friends had disappeared with my ex.
Speaker B:You know, everyone taking sides.
Speaker B:And I'm thinking, what have I done?
Speaker B:I didn't even know about this.
Speaker B:And the neighbors didn't want to talk.
Speaker B:They all told me they don't want to get involved in maritals.
Speaker B:And I told them it's not a marital.
Speaker B:He's left, there is no marriage, you know, but anyhow, they didn't want to know.
Speaker B:So the only people I spoke to in six months was the postman and the lady at the checkout at Asda's.
Speaker B:In the end, I got absolutely desperate and I asked around if there is any help available.
Speaker B:And my GP actually referred me to, to a mental health program on the nhs and I got a grief counselor.
Speaker B:And that's when I started picking myself up.
Speaker B:She gave me all sorts of ideas, including that I needed to get out of the house.
Speaker B:So I did.
Speaker B:And I'm a bit of a bushcrafter as a hobby, so I booked into a bushcrafting camp.
Speaker B:It was only 20 miles up the road from me.
Speaker B:My vote doesn't matter.
Speaker B:And me and my dogs, we had seven acres of private woodlands to ourselves.
Speaker B:And I spent three days in nature doing absolutely nothing except making fires with flint and walking around in the forest, hugging trees and listening to the wind and actually get my nervous system back down to some sort of baseline.
Speaker B:And that's where it came to me that I needed to leave.
Speaker B:And I already owned a house in Bulgaria that I'd bought years ago as a holiday home.
Speaker B:So I Made the decision then I'm selling the house in the uk, I'm packing my dogs into my classic Land Rover and I'm just going to drive, head to my house in Bulgaria and start homesteading.
Speaker A:Wow, that's a big change.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I thought it's necessary and I wanted a complete change.
Speaker B:And homesteading has always been a bit of a childhood dream of mine.
Speaker B:It would have never been possible with my ex.
Speaker B:It was just not the kind of lifestyle he was into at all.
Speaker B:So I thought, right, the one advantage I have being entirely alone in this world because mom was my last living relatives, there's absolutely nobody in terms of family now.
Speaker B:I thought the one advantage I have is I'm free to do what I want from Italy, so let's do it.
Speaker A:And so for you, the fact that you didn't have that support structure around you, the fact that you didn't have people who had your back, actually, you turned that into a kind of freedom.
Speaker B:I did.
Speaker B:I did.
Speaker B:In the beginning it was absolutely debilitating because it was the first time in my life I was on my own because I got mad straight from leaving home.
Speaker B:I was literally at home and ton alone my entire life.
Speaker B:I was always dependent on a family unit and always depending on looking after a family unit.
Speaker B:So in the beginning it left me completely in freefall because my whole identity was tied to this idea of being a family woman and a wife.
Speaker B:And I had no idea who I was outside of that little bubble and I had to really search hard to find who I was.
Speaker B:But it turned out in the end that I was still exactly the same person I was before I got married, when I was still quite a happy go, lucky teenager.
Speaker B:I've returned to my original state of mind.
Speaker A:It sounds like what you're describing is your authentic.
Speaker A:You was there and then you got married and started living a different kind of life.
Speaker A:And then you returned back full circle back to the things that you were passionate about and the things that you valued.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:Because as a teenager I was heavily into everything eco.
Speaker B:Back then in the 80s, I was a big supporter of Greenpeace and I wanted to go on the Rainbow Warrior and I was always a bit of a hippie.
Speaker B:So now I'm living that life because I'm off grid.
Speaker B:I am trying to develop a homestead that is completely self sufficient.
Speaker B:So I've gone right back to the original passion.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker A:And how do you feel now when you look back at that moment, you know, where it was very brutal.
Speaker A:Like I say, I mean, the timing was Awful.
Speaker A:The way it was done was really difficult.
Speaker A:When you look back to that sort of six month period, what are your thoughts now when you think about it?
Speaker B:I think it was entirely brutal.
Speaker B:I'm still not happy about the way it was all delivered because I've always said no marriage lasts forever.
Speaker B:But we could have talked about it.
Speaker B:But that set aside, I also believe now that in a way I had to be stripped of everything I love to be able to get back to myself.
Speaker B:Because I know that if my mom or my ex or anybody would have still been around, I would have still been here compromising.
Speaker B:That's just my nature.
Speaker B:The universe didn't give me an option.
Speaker A:Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of women will resonate with that because I think there comes a point in our lives roundabout when we get married a little bit before sometimes, certainly when we have children, where we start defining ourselves by our roles with other people and we lose track, I think, of who we are as people.
Speaker A:And it sounds like for you, releasing yourself from the role of daughter and wife allowed you to find silky again.
Speaker B:Absolutely, it did.
Speaker B:In a way, it was the most cruel thing that could happen, but also the best thing that could happen.
Speaker B:Foreign.
Speaker A:I'd like to pause the podcast for a moment to thank you for listening.
Speaker A:I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker A:So please send me a comment under this podcast or on our Instagram channel, Aprica Podcast, like subscribe, download and share with family and friends.
Speaker A:And thank you for taking the time to listen to the show.
Speaker A:I feel like what you're describing is a very brave journey, a very courageous one where you just put your dogs in your car and thought, okay, you know, screw this, I'm off to Bulgaria.
Speaker A:That takes a lot of courage.
Speaker A:I feel like, what advice would you have for people that maybe women listening who are finding themselves in a similar situation, but they don't feel that courageous.
Speaker A:They don't feel they have the bravery to make those kind of very big decisions.
Speaker B:Well, my advice is start wherever you're comfortable.
Speaker B:The important thing is to get moving because you don't need to heal before you move.
Speaker B:You got to move to start healing.
Speaker B:So this initial spark, this initial move is the important thing.
Speaker B:You don't have to pack everything up and go wild like I did.
Speaker B:You don't have to travel to the other side of the world.
Speaker B:That's not necessary.
Speaker B:Just start off by making some change and do something that feels a little bit uncomfortable.
Speaker B:And even if it only means that you join a local club where you wouldn't be comfortable necessarily in the social circles.
Speaker B:You know, you're going to meet new people and it's not your thing, or try out a new hobby that you're a bit uncomfortable with, but that you've always fancied?
Speaker B:I think the trick is to have a think how far you want to go, but then actually make that step and just try to change your daily routine.
Speaker B:Step outside your comfort zone and even if it's only with one little toe, you know, testing the water, as long as you get moving and do something a bit different in the day, Yeah.
Speaker A:I think that's very good advice.
Speaker A:I get the impression that the Bushcraft course you went on was really seminal because it reminded you of who you were, this link that you had to nature and to ecology.
Speaker A:What about people who aren't sure what their values are, aren't sure what their purpose is?
Speaker A:So are there any routes that you would suggest to help them find that reconnection back to who they were before all of this?
Speaker B:There are several routes you can go.
Speaker B:You can try it yourself.
Speaker B:And I would say a good way of clearing your head and starting to really think is by just going away.
Speaker B:Even if you're booking into a spa hotel for one weekend, go somewhere, have a break, and if you still got the kids, for example, put them with the grandparents or do whatever, you know, go away entirely on your own.
Speaker B:Then spend that time doing a lot of soul searching.
Speaker B:I meditated like mad in those three days.
Speaker B:I spent half of the time really meditating and just talking to the trees.
Speaker B:So do something where you can come completely down.
Speaker B:Because when you're in that situation, you're depressed or you're stressed and your fight or flight response is going.
Speaker B:Your whole nervous system is up and running.
Speaker B:You're not really ever relaxing.
Speaker B:So try to do something for yourself where you can completely relax.
Speaker B:Because it's in those quiet moments that you will get the ideas and you'll be surprised how many ideas you get and how many insights into yourself as well.
Speaker A:I think that quite often we can be quite wary of having that time and space with ourselves, because I know that having worked with clients in similar situations in that initial period after a breakup, there's a lot of self blame.
Speaker A:There's also a lot of recriminations and quite often your head, you know, like your, your thoughts are that it's the place you don't want to be spending time.
Speaker A:I know that distractions are very common and, you know, like just trying not to think, almost trying not to be in yourself.
Speaker A:But you're suggesting leaning into that discomfort and actually doing the opposite and really sitting with yourself, right?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:I think it's entirely crucial because if you go down the destruction route, you are going to do just exactly that.
Speaker B:You're going to avoid the problem, you're sticking your head in the sand and it's going to get worse and worse because things that are not resolved on the inside will eventually come out.
Speaker B:It's always like that.
Speaker B:So my suggestion is if it's too scary to do this on your own and, and maybe join a retreat or find a coach or a mentor you can work with.
Speaker B:And if you're too uncomfortable to do it in person, even start out online.
Speaker B:Like, I started out with this grief counselor who came on Zoom once a week with me.
Speaker A:It's interesting, you talk about grief and when you mentioned that, I was quite surprised that you were offered a grief counselor.
Speaker A:But there is a grief in a breakup, isn't there?
Speaker A:Because it actually is a mourning for something that you've lost.
Speaker B:Yeah, well, actually, my GP offered me the grief counseling for my mom.
Speaker B:He completely dismissed the marriage breakup.
Speaker B:His only comment was bloody good riddance to him type thing.
Speaker B:You know, he was so, so sympathetic again, like doctors are.
Speaker B:But then when I got to the grief counselor, the lady said, exactly your words, that the loss was not just my mom, it was the marriage, it was my health and it was my career because due to the depression, I couldn't work.
Speaker B:I was self employed and for almost two years I didn't work.
Speaker B:I actually just lived by selling off his belongings bit by bit, because he left everything behind.
Speaker B:He parked a car and went.
Speaker B:So it was this whole thing grieving for my identity as a wife, grieving for the idea of a perfect marriage because I'd actually married my husband when I was 19.
Speaker B:We were childhood sweethearts.
Speaker B:I'd never had anyone before.
Speaker B:I haven't had anyone since.
Speaker B:And I always had these dreams that we were sitting on the park bench by the seaside, eating fish and chips and we were really old, you know, these romantic ideas.
Speaker B:And for all of that to suddenly be shattered and not be there anymore, that was really serious grief in itself.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I know that at the very start I mentioned about this loss of shared dreams, but there's also, as I mentioned, a loss of trust.
Speaker A:How did you work through that?
Speaker A:How did you work through that?
Speaker A:Because it was such a break of trust, wasn't it?
Speaker A:How did you work through that?
Speaker B:It was very difficult.
Speaker B:And I must admit, even today, that is still my biggest Issue.
Speaker B:I always tell myself that I mustn't let it interfere with future relationships, but I know that it has, because even up to now, I'm not even interested in dating.
Speaker B:I can think of a thousand things I'd rather be doing than getting romantic with another man at this minute.
Speaker B:And that might have something to do with that.
Speaker B:I'm actually enjoying myself at the moment without having to account to anybody for anything I'm doing.
Speaker B:So, yeah, that's a very big issue that you will have to probably work on continuously for quite a while.
Speaker B:This issue of trust, I've managed to narrow it down just to romantic relationships.
Speaker B:So I am not distrustful with ordinary relationships, like when I meet people or new friends.
Speaker B:I'm absolutely fine there.
Speaker B:That's still something even I'm working on.
Speaker B:But the whole point is to not let it get to you and continuously keep working.
Speaker B:Because grief is a thing.
Speaker B:I found you can't put a timestamp on it either.
Speaker B:I'm better now, but there are things like suddenly I hear a song on Spotify or somewhere and I start blubbing because I remember mom used to dance to that one, these sort of things.
Speaker B:Or a song comes on.
Speaker B:And I remember my ex and I are both musicians.
Speaker B:We were always in bands together and thought, oh, God, we played that one at nearly every show, you know, so the grief does blubber up sometimes.
Speaker B:Quite unexpected, too.
Speaker B:It's just important that you honor all those feelings and are aware of them and just carry on working on yourself and carry on improving.
Speaker A:Is there an approach you would recommend for those times when you're triggered by something?
Speaker A:You know, when you hear that song or, you know, you see a photo pop up on your phone or something.
Speaker A:Is there an approach that you would recommend that helps you through those moments?
Speaker B:My own approach is to let whatever feelings want to come come.
Speaker B:If I get sad, I let the tears come.
Speaker B:If I get angry, I do something.
Speaker B:Normally these days I try not to break things, or normally a cushion gets it.
Speaker B:You know, I take out my frustration on the cushion.
Speaker B:I never, ever hold in my emotions because if you let them come and you go through them and then you honor them, you free yourself of those emotions and then it can continue without them, leaving any lasting damage to your nervous system.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:I think that's really good advice.
Speaker A:I was going to ask you about this healing of your nervous system because you mentioned six months that you had that six months where things were very difficult, and then you got the GP referral to the grief counselor.
Speaker A:Do you Think that that six months in itself was a period of healing or did you really start your healing after that?
Speaker B:I think the healing came after those six months are more like a hibernation period.
Speaker B:If I'm to describe it, it was complete paralysis and procrastination.
Speaker B:Being an entrepreneur myself, I normally have a lot of things to do.
Speaker B:You know, I get up in the morning and my calendar is full.
Speaker B:So when I was suddenly sitting there and I cancelled all my appointments because I just could not, I could not deal with the idea of having to go on zoom and speaking to anyone or at the time I was also publishing books, multi author books.
Speaker B:And I just could not get myself to go on social media and start hunting for new contributors now because I would actually get up in the morning and think to myself, right, today I'm doing this, this, this and this like I normally would in business.
Speaker B:And then by the time I'd made breakfast, I was already so mentally exhausted that I just crashed out on the sofa and then ended up watching Netflix for the next 12 hours and then went to bed.
Speaker A:I mean, it's interesting you, you talk about the nervous system and what I hear with my little therapist hat on is it sounds like a period of that freeze response, you know that, that initial very deep freeze response.
Speaker A:And then it sounds like you enacted a flight response.
Speaker A:Would that, does that resonate?
Speaker B:Absolutely, that's exactly what happened.
Speaker B:I was in a deep state of shock and freeze and then the counselor managed to kick me up the bottom enough to get me to run.
Speaker A:And now would you say that you've reached a point of healing or do you feel that you're still on your journey?
Speaker B:I feel I have healed to about 80, 90%.
Speaker B:But as I said, there is still that little bit the grief, which I'm not sure if that will ever heal or if it'll cross over, but it has become so negligible in day to day life that I can say really, I am more or less healed.
Speaker B:I am continuing in my business again.
Speaker B:I am now a life transition mentor myself.
Speaker B:I work with other women who've gone through similar things.
Speaker B:I'm starting up my speaker business again, which I used to do many years ago.
Speaker B:And I am also planning to restart my music career.
Speaker B:So, you know, everything is slowly coming into motion again.
Speaker B:And the funny thing is here on the homestead in Bulgaria, life is very slow and yet it's getting faster and faster.
Speaker B:By slowing down, I'm speeding up.
Speaker B:That's wonderful.
Speaker A:I love that image.
Speaker A:So I'm sure there will be People listening who are immediately in that period that you were describing, that post breakup where you're reeling, you don't really understand.
Speaker A:Maybe you're in denial, or maybe you're frantically fighting to keep your partner, or maybe you're slumped out on the bathroom floor feeling pretty miserable.
Speaker A:And I think all in any of those things are things that everybody who's gone through a breakup has experience.
Speaker A:For the people listening who are in that period, in that immediate aftermath of what can be anything from a few days to, well, up to a year, actually, that immediate trauma response, what specific advice would you give to those people in that moment?
Speaker B:My advice is to be very gentle on yourself.
Speaker B:And when you find that you are not meeting your quotas, you are not getting things done on your to do list, don't beat yourself up about it, because this is the time to grieve.
Speaker B:This is the time to hibernate and to take it easy on yourself and just try to be as good as you can to yourself.
Speaker B:And even if that means just going for a walk that ends with a bag of chips or something, I went to the cinema by myself and thoroughly enjoyed myself with a huge bag of popcorn, gleeing at the fact that for the first time in my life, I didn't have to share it.
Speaker B:I could eat all of it.
Speaker B:You know, it was these little thoughts that got me through the period in the end.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I think there has to be a certain amount of dark humor as well that gets you through.
Speaker A:And anyone who's listened to this podcast will know that I'm not in the habit of recommending that people have to outsource to therapists, but I do think that there is something about that, that period of loss and trauma that you experience after a long term relationship breakup that means that if you are able to reach out to somebody like Silky or somebody like me who is experienced in guiding somebody through that transition, I just think having somebody there with you to kind of metaphorically hold your hand, I just think is such an empowering thing.
Speaker A:And I know that having seen a lot of clients through this period myself, I know that just having somebody who's got your back and is there and listens and valid and empathizes and sympathizes can make a really big difference as well, can't it?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:It is the most important thing.
Speaker B:Like, there were two things that got me through everything.
Speaker B:The really acute phase, when I was still in Germany, in my mom's flat, just after mom had passed, a friend of mine who is English but lives In Holland, actually got on messenger and said, you know what?
Speaker B:I just realized you're only a two hours drive from me.
Speaker B:Hang on, I'll be there with a bottle of wine.
Speaker B:She says you need a girls night in.
Speaker B:She did exactly that.
Speaker B:She drove all the way and brought the bottle of wine.
Speaker B:We went for a cake because she was.
Speaker B:She always says, like, if I go to Germany, I have to eat some of the famous cake over there.
Speaker B:So we went for a day out, ate some cake, done all the girly stuff, and spent the whole night just talking with a good glass of wine.
Speaker B:And that was the first time it made a difference because I knew I wasn't alone.
Speaker B:It was quite difficult and spooky in a way, being in my mom's flat.
Speaker B:I had nowhere else to stay over at the time.
Speaker B:So mom had passed and I was surrounded by all her belongings and I had to pack it all up as well whilst living in there.
Speaker B:So that was a bit difficult.
Speaker B:But there was the first time that somebody hugged my back and it made all the difference.
Speaker B:Afterwards, I was able to carry on and make my way back.
Speaker B:And then the second time when the grief counselor came on the scene, because even though the lady was just on zoom, it made a world of difference knowing that every Monday at three in the afternoon, I had somebody to talk to, somebody who would listen without judgment.
Speaker A:Yeah, it makes a huge difference.
Speaker A:And I know that there is such an inherent loneliness to those first few weeks and few months, and you can really feel that even if you have very good friends and your friend who came over, it sounds like a very good friend.
Speaker A:Even if you have very good friends, that reaches a point where you feel a bit like a burden.
Speaker A:You know, you keep.
Speaker A:You keeping on messaging them a lot of voice notes, things like that, and.
Speaker A:And having somebody there that is paid to sit and listen to you, there's a relief in that as well.
Speaker A:And as I say, as anyone who listens to this podcast knows, is not often that I say this is a good time to have a therapist, but this really is a good time, I think, to have a therapist.
Speaker A:Okay, well, Silky, thank you so much.
Speaker A:That is really inspirational to hear your journey of such brutal loss and such a lot of loss in such a short period of time to moving on to your homestead.
Speaker A:And I'm imagining you with chickens and goats in Bulgaria.
Speaker A:I don't suppose you know what happened to your ex.
Speaker A:Did you follow what happened there?
Speaker B:Yeah, it turned out he'd been messing around behind my back for two years with one of our groupies on Facebook, and he's now living with her in Germany.
Speaker B:And he's living with a woman who's plastered the whole apartment full with his poster so he can look at himself as the big rock star.
Speaker B:Good luck.
Speaker A:Well, I tell you what, I would rather be in Bulgaria with goats and chickens than staring at my own picture on a poster.
Speaker A:That's for sure.
Speaker A:Silky, thank you so much for today.
Speaker A:It's really wonderful.
Speaker A:And for anyone who would like to get in contact with Silky or hear about what she does, all of her links will be down in the show notes below, below.
Speaker A:So, Silky, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
Speaker B:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker B:It's been wonderful.
Speaker B:Oh my God.
Speaker A:You know, I used to do another podcast before this, and I nearly said completely the wrong name then.
Speaker A:That is what happens when you do two podcasts.
