Motherhood is a whirlwind of emotions, and sometimes, despite our best intentions, the overwhelm takes over. Maybe it’s the relentless to-do list, the school holiday chaos, or just the weight of juggling everything, there comes a moment when we snap. And then? The guilt creeps in.
In this episode, Dr Renee White sits down to reflect on one of those raw parenting moments, the kind we don’t often talk about. Just two hours after an emotional outburst with her child, Renee recorded this to unpack the why, the how, and most importantly, the what’s next. If you’ve ever felt the sting of mum rage or the heaviness of guilt, this episode is for you.
You’ll hear about:
Understanding Mum Rage: What triggers those intense moments and why they’re more common than you think.
Repair and Reconnect: Steps to mend your bond with your child after an emotional outburst.
Processing Guilt in a Healthy Way: Tools to work through your feelings, like journaling, movement, and self-compassion.
Role Modelling for Your Kids: How navigating your emotions can teach your children about resilience and empathy.
You’re not alone in this journey, and those tough moments don’t define you as a parent. What matters most is how we show up afterward, ready to reconnect and grow.
Disclaimer: The information on this podcast presented by the Fill Your Cup is not a substitute for independent professional advice.
Nothing contained in this podcast is intended to be used as medical advice and it is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes or as a substitute for your own health professional's advice.
Transcripts
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[00:00:27] I'm Dr. Renee White, and this is The Science of Motherhood. Hello and welcome to episode 155 of The Science of Motherhood. I am your host, Dr. Renee White. Thank you for joining me this week. Today is a check-in Tuesday episode and by George . We are definitely checking in. I'm talking about Mum Rage today.
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[00:01:22] People are in the thick of, um, the silly season and school holidays. And, you know, I feel like there is a lot of pressure on mums at this time of the year to juggle it all. The expectations are high and. We don't talk enough about mum guilt and mum rage and they are both legitimate things. And if there's anything that I can get across to everyone on this podcast is that my wish and hope is to be able to normalise these types of things.
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[00:02:28] And then the next layer of expectation was that I had to be quote unquote a good mum. What the hell does that mean? So I just wanted to share with you, like, you know, the fact that a really kind of explosive and emotional event occurred to me this morning and that was off the back of just has anyone ever kind of thought, Oh my God, I just want to stop being the nagging parent.
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[00:03:25] And I just was at the end of my tether. Like it was, explosive in the end because I was just so sick to death of asking the same thing over and over and over again. And it felt like the only conversations that I was having with my daughter was either no when she would ask me, um, you know, can she do something?
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[00:04:11] Like I'm feeling immense guilt about it, not only because I just exploded. But layer on to that the fact that it was school drop off time and I had to be out the door and it was in fact my turn to drop her off at school. We're very lucky she's, we're only 300 meters up the road so it's a quick walk. But I had an appointment that I had to get to at nine o'clock and there was lots of tears from her and lots of explosions obviously because if I can't regulate my emotions then how can we honestly expect her to?
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[00:05:11] And that, is just another whole basket of guilt that I will carry with me for the rest of today until I see her again after school. But I just wanted to, I guess I just wanted to share this with you. I wanted to let, you know, anyone who's listening that. Think one of the most important things that I have discovered over the past 7 years being a mum is that.
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[00:06:37] I'm sick of being the default parent. It's too hard. It's, it's, it's just too hard because consistently she comes to me to ask, can she do something? Can I watch TV? Can I go have a, like, have a play with this person? Can I do this? Can I do that? And inevitably it's me. I always want to say yes. Of course we want to say yes to our kids, but it's hard saying no.
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[00:08:10] Journaling also really helps for me. Sometimes I get quite caught up in the why of like, why am I feeling so anxious? And interestingly enough, I had already said to my husband this morning, I'm feeling really anxious. And I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, what was actually going on. But I think the consistent nagging this morning just sent me over the edge and really was.
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[00:09:05] I'm so sorry, Hobart, if you heard my singing, because I know for me that not just for me, for human beings all across the world that activates your vagus nerve. So, you know, that really kind of dampens down that fight and flight mode. I text my girlfriends and I was just like, Big rant, big rant about what had happened and how I was feeling.
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[00:09:56] There are certain things that you can do. And as I said, I think one of the greatest lessons is that it's what happens next that dictates the consequences of those big emotional outpourings, and that is to ensure that you reconnect with the people around you and that you put words to those emotions and whether it is something, and it's something I really struggle with to be able to verbalise things in the moment.
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[00:10:55] That's a whole nother episode. That's a whole, that's a whole basket of 10 years of therapy that we can talk about. So yes, I think reconnecting with the people um, closest to you. If you need to go for a run or a swim, water is a beautiful cleanser. Getting out in nature is great to kind of, you know, cleanse it all off.
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[00:11:47] All right. Happy new year everyone. And I will see you in 2025. If you loved this episode, please hit the subscribe button and leave a review. If you know someone out there who would also love to listen to this episode, please hit the share button so that they can benefit from it as well. You've just listened to another episode of the science of motherhood proudly presented by Fill Your Cup, Australia's first doula village, head to our website, ifillyourcup.com to learn more about our birth and postpartum doula offerings where every mother we pledge to be the steady hand that guides you back to yourself. Ensuring you feel nurtured, informed and empowered so you can fully embrace the joy of motherhood with confidence. Until next time, bye!
