Shownotes
Dr. Heather Taylor lost her brother and struggled finding her own grief therapist, so she said "fuck it" and went to school to become a grief therapist. This is her story and she is RESILIENT A.F.
Buy the book:
Be featured in RESILIENT A.F.: Skin Deep Stories: https://blairkaplan.kartra.com/page/tattoo
Be featured in RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol. 3: https://blairkaplan.kartra.com/page/RAF26
Gift: In helping to normalize talking about grief and better understanding how it impacts us in so many different ways, here is a link to my common grief reactions digital download: https://bit.ly/commongriefreactions
About the Guest:
Dr. Heather Taylor, PsyD is a licensed psychologist, grief educator, and the host of the Grief is the New Normal podcast, where she breaks down the realities of grief with warmth, honesty, and just the right amount of sass. Available on all major podcast platforms, her show invites listeners to embrace their grief stories without apology.
With over a decade of experience, Dr. Taylor specializes in helping individuals navigate loss, trauma, and reproductive psychology through her PsyPact-accredited telehealth practice. She recently launched a grief membership area for clinicians—a go-to resource for those seeking better ways to support grieving clients while staying grounded themselves.
Dr. Taylor is also the author of a thoughtfully designed grief journal, now available on Amazon, offering practical tools, reflective prompts, and a compassionate approach to help people process their loss at their own pace.
Known for her down-to-earth style and validating, inclusive approach, Dr. Taylor blends professional expertise with lived experience to create spaces where grief feels a little less isolating. Whether she’s working with clients, chatting on her podcast, or developing resources for clinicians, her mission is clear: to normalize grief and help others find a way forward—one step, one breath, and one moment at a time.
Links:
www.linkedin.com/in/heather-taylor-psyd-licensed-psychologist
https://www.instagram.com/grief_is_the_new_normal/
https://www.youtube.com/@Grief_Is_The_New_Normal
⚠️ Content Note: Some episodes may contain themes that could be distressing. Please take care of yourself while listening, and don’t hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional if needed.
About the Hosts:
Blair Kaplan Venables is a British Columbia-based grief and resilience expert and coach, motivational speaker and the Founder of The Global Resilience Project. Her expertise has been featured on media platforms like Forbes, TEDx, CBC Radio, Entrepreneur, and Thrive Global. She is named the Top Grief and Resilience Expert of the Year 2024 by IAOTP. USA Today listed Blair as one of the top 10 conscious female leaders to watch and she empowers others to be resilient from stages around the world. 'MyStory,’ which is a television show available on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV+ and Google Play, showcases Blair's life story. She is the host of the Radical Resilience podcast and specializes in helping people strengthen their resilience muscle using scientifically proven methods and guides grieving high performers with her Navigating Grief Framework. The Global Resilience Project’s award-winning book series are international bestsellers, and her fourth book, RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol 2, will be published in January 2025. In her free time, you can find Blair writing, in nature, travelling the world and helping people to strengthen their resilience muscles.
Links:
https://theglobalresilienceproject.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/blairdkaplan
https://www.facebook.com/blair.kaplan
https://www.facebook.com/BlairKaplanCommunications
https://www.instagram.com/globalresiliencecommunity
https://www.instagram.com/blairfromblairland/
https://www.facebook.com/globalresiliencecommunity
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-global-resilience-project
Alana Kaplan is a compassionate mental health professional based in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She works in the mental health field, and is a co-host of the Resilient A.F. podcast. Fueled by advocacy, Alana is known for standing up and speaking out for others. Passionate about de-stigmatizing and normalizing mental health, Alana brings her experience to The Global Resilience Project’s team, navigating the role one’s mental health plays in telling their story.
Engaging in self-care and growth keeps her going, and her love for reading, travel, and personal relationships helps foster that. When she’s not working, Alana can often be found on walks, working on a crossword puzzle, or playing with any animal she sees.
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Transcripts
Tried to find a therapist and I had a hell of a
Speaker:time trying to find someone who knew what to do with me.
Speaker:Because sibling loss is a
Speaker:disenfranchised type of grief. Like they akin it in the
Speaker:Lost World to losing a friend. And you know, it. It
Speaker:depends on, you know, your developmental state and stage
Speaker:and. But it's like they didn't know what to do with me. Like, one clinician
Speaker:literally plugged in VHS tapes for Clown and Townsend
Speaker:on like, grief tape. So instead of talking to me about my
Speaker:brother, they plugged in some VHS tapes for me to watch.
Speaker:Welcome back to another episode of Resilient AF with Blair and
Speaker:Alana. But hold the Atlanta and welcome Dr.
Speaker:Heather Taylor. She's amazing. I met her through the grief community
Speaker:because, duh, that's where you meet all the cool grievers.
Speaker:But she's absolutely amazing. She's a licensed psychologist, grief educator, and
Speaker:the host of Grief is the New Normal podcast. And this is
Speaker:where she breaks down the basically the truth about grief
Speaker:with warmth, honesty, and, you know, a little bit of sass, which
Speaker:we love. We love that over here. It's available on all major
Speaker:podcast platforms and invites listeners to embrace their grief
Speaker:stories without apology. With over a decade of experience, Dr.
Speaker:Taylor specializes in helping individuals navigate loss trauma and
Speaker:reproductive psychology through her. I can't even say that. What does it say?
Speaker:Psypack. Psypack. Psypact. Yeah. Accredited
Speaker:telehealth practice. She recently launched a grief membership area
Speaker:for clinicians, a go to resource for those seeking better ways to support grieving
Speaker:clients while staying grounded themselves. I'm going to
Speaker:put her links and her full bio in the show notes because I want you
Speaker:just to get to know her now. What I love about this
Speaker:is when I meet new people and
Speaker:I'm, you know, I want to learn about them. It's like, what, like what is
Speaker:the thing that happened or what is your story? And
Speaker:what I love about her story is, well, what I don't love is that her
Speaker:brother died. I don't love that. But what I do love is that she was
Speaker:looking for her own grief therapist and she was like it and went to school
Speaker:and became a grief therapist because it's so relatable to like me
Speaker:like I could. Being a grief and resilience coach, I became the
Speaker:person I wish I had. And so there's,
Speaker:there's definitely that, you know, relatability because, you
Speaker:know, sometimes when something doesn't exist, you make it. And
Speaker:whether that is like a specific shirt you want to make or
Speaker:becoming a grief therapist. So welcome to the show,
Speaker:Dr. Heather Taylor. Thank you so much,
Speaker:Blair, for having me. So I guess
Speaker:let's, let's start by talking about your story. Tell us about your brother. What's his
Speaker:name? Tell us about him. Yeah, Garrett was his name.
Speaker:He died when he was 22. We were always super
Speaker:close growing up. 20 months apart. Ish.
Speaker:And just gave each other a lot of crap growing up. But also
Speaker:like, we were both super competitive. We did a lot of competitive sports together.
Speaker:We grew up in the middle of nowhere. I'm from a really small town in
Speaker:Washington state and we grew up on five acres in the middle of nowhere. And
Speaker:so we got really creative with games and playing in the woods and
Speaker:anyways, we were super close and
Speaker:Annie struggled with substance use and passed
Speaker:away really suddenly and traumatically in 2009.
Speaker:November 2009. And like
Speaker:my world totally changed. Things were
Speaker:just different after that. I, I don't know if you can go through
Speaker:such a intense loss without it
Speaker:leaving you altered. And I, I
Speaker:don't think I could have even predicted the ways that that loss was going to
Speaker:shape and change the rest of my life. In that season, I,
Speaker:I was like applying to go to school to be a librarian. A
Speaker:little different than a grief therapist. Little different. And
Speaker:you know, movement had always been a really important part of my life. I was
Speaker:a competitive athlete for 12 years, did basketball and so
Speaker:I got into running because I was like, oh, I'm going to run a marathon,
Speaker:like, because that seemed like a great idea. And, and I
Speaker:should probably start therapy because I'm having a lot of really big feelings. I want
Speaker:to know how to better support my parents who just lost their son. And,
Speaker:and I'm missing my brother. Like my ultimate cheerleader.
Speaker:I still remember, you know, I'd get down on myself. I was the people pleasing,
Speaker:perfectionistic oldest child and he was the younger sibling. So he
Speaker:was a lot of comic relief. And he'd be like, heather, you're fucking Taylor. Just
Speaker:like, you're fine. Like, stop it. I would get stuck in my
Speaker:like, anxious spirals and yeah, I
Speaker:just, I really miss him. So anyway, so I tried to find a therapist
Speaker:and I had a hell of a time trying to
Speaker:find someone who knew what to do with me. Because sibling
Speaker:loss is a disenfranchised type of grief. Like they
Speaker:akin it in the Lost World to losing a friend. And
Speaker:you know, it, it depends on, you know, your developmental state
Speaker:and stage and. But it's like they didn't know what to do with me.
Speaker:Like, one. One clinician literally plugged
Speaker:in VHS tapes for Clown and Townsend on,
Speaker:like, grief tape. So instead of talking to me about my brother,
Speaker:they plugged in some VHS tapes for me to watch. VHS tapes.
Speaker:There's so many things to unpack there. I mean, I know it was like,
Speaker:2009. VHS tapes were still kind of around, but. But so, like, they
Speaker:didn't even. They didn't even know how to talk to you about it, so they
Speaker:put a tape in. Yeah. So when was it? Like, first of
Speaker:all, thank you for sharing all of that. Like, let's just address. Like, I am
Speaker:so sorry for the loss of your brother Garrett. Like, that is extremely sad
Speaker:to lose a brother, especially so young, you
Speaker:know, navigating addiction, substance use.
Speaker:It's. You know, it's a family disease.
Speaker:And I know this because my father lived with addiction. So I'm sorry
Speaker:you had to navigate all of that, because it's very complicated and, like,
Speaker:hard to. There's so many layers to it. Yeah. And
Speaker:so I just want to acknowledge that pain. And I'm. I'm sorry that you went
Speaker:through all of that. And with. With
Speaker:Garrett dying and you looking for a
Speaker:therapist and, like, not being able to find one to support you.
Speaker:I want to know, like, when was that moment, that light bulb moment where you're
Speaker:like, well, I should not be a librarian. I should be a
Speaker:psychologist. Great question.
Speaker:So probably.
Speaker:So he passed in November. And in. At that time, I think
Speaker:in December, it was kind of just like surviving through the holidays. It was a
Speaker:very dark December, January. I was like, okay,
Speaker:I'm still gonna try to apply to school
Speaker:because I was. I had. I wanted to get my master's in library science.
Speaker:And so I was at this. Some kind of retreat,
Speaker:like a youth retreat, and I was a volunteer. And I'm like, well, this is.
Speaker:We're on a little break. We'll work on my application, because I'm a procrastinator. And
Speaker:it was probably due that Monday. And so I was like, okay, let's. Let's get
Speaker:this done. And I remember going through two specific
Speaker:questions, and it was like, what is your leadership experience
Speaker:in the field of library science? And I was like, I
Speaker:don't have any. Like, this is why I'm wanting to go to school, to become
Speaker:one. Like, to learn more about it. And the other question was like, what's
Speaker:your potential for leadership in this field? And I'm like, again, like, I. I don't
Speaker:know. And so it started to make me question what Leadership experience
Speaker:do I have? What? Where do I feel confident? And at that
Speaker:point, I had been an outdoor ministry, like, cabin
Speaker:leader, counselor, summer camp counselor for, I don't know,
Speaker:six years. And I really loved it. I loved that aspect of mentorship.
Speaker:And I was like, what? Why don't I be a. Go back
Speaker:to school and become a counselor? I thought you were gonna say, why
Speaker:don't I just become a camp counselor, a professional?
Speaker:I mean, that would have been, like, year round. Like, that would've been way more
Speaker:fun. It's like, no, I could be, like, a real counselor, not just a camp
Speaker:counselor. I just love that because I was also a camp counselor, and I
Speaker:taught canoeing at a Jewish summer camp. I grew up doing
Speaker:that. Okay, so you're like, I like being a camp counselor. I should be
Speaker:a adult counselor, A real counselor. Like a real one, not just a
Speaker:summer camp one. And. And then compounding that, I
Speaker:was like, well, okay, so that kind of got the wheels turning. Okay, maybe library
Speaker:science isn't the best fit for me. And then I. And then I had started
Speaker:my own journey to find my own grief
Speaker:counselor after kind of some of the dust had settled around Garrett's passing,
Speaker:and I was just like, what the are wrong with these counselors?
Speaker:Like, no one knew what to do with me and my grief. So
Speaker:that's when I was like, okay, it. I'm. That's what I'm going to do. I
Speaker:am going to dig into the grief world, and I am going to understand
Speaker:what. What it means to be a grief therapist. Little did I
Speaker:know they don't actually provide any training in grad programs
Speaker:about grief and loss work. So. So I. I
Speaker:initially. Sorry, I don't know if you have any questions, I can. No, no, keep
Speaker:going. I'll go. I'll do this. For those of you who are not watching the
Speaker:video, I just raised my hand. So I
Speaker:applied to a master's program in the area because I didn't want to move away
Speaker:from my folks. And I have my undergrad in business. I went
Speaker:to Gonzaga. I have my bachelor's in business administration. I had never
Speaker:taken a psych class and decided to just pivot. And so
Speaker:I took the GREs very unsuccessfully, because,
Speaker:of course, I'm taking them in December, a
Speaker:month after my brother died. I did not score well. That
Speaker:was not a great life choice. So I needed a program that wasn't super
Speaker:dependent on a high GRE score. And anyway, so
Speaker:I found a program nearby. And August, before the program
Speaker:started, I get a call and they're like, hey, we're starting this doctoral
Speaker:program, and we think you'd be a good candidate. And I was
Speaker:like, like, five years instead of two years. Like,
Speaker:that's. That's a significant leap in commitment.
Speaker:I don't. I don't know if that's. I don't know if that. Yeah, the good
Speaker:fit for me. Like, we'll come in, have a conversation with our, like, admin
Speaker:person, and let's. Let's just have a conversation. I was like, okay. I
Speaker:literally came in and, like, paint splattered jeans,
Speaker:a black sweatshirt with a hoodie. I had a little hat on, and my
Speaker:hair was in messy buns, like, messy space buns. I was
Speaker:not in any way looking professional because I had already convinced myself I wasn't
Speaker:gonna do the doctoral program because I'm like, no. Like,
Speaker:it's too much for me. And after the conversation, I was like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker:I have to do this whole program. I want those full five
Speaker:years to feel more competent in the work that I want
Speaker:to do. Because I, again, struggled with imposter syndrome, never
Speaker:having been in the psychology field ever. Like, I'd never taken a psych class.
Speaker:I think I took sociology in undergrad, and I hated it because the professor was
Speaker:super dry. So. Yeah, that's kind of where that.
Speaker:Yeah. So how do you think. And, like, I
Speaker:just. I guess, like, maybe we should just say, like, if you're grieving, we don't
Speaker:sit. We don't think everyone that's grieving needs to go and be a grief therapist.
Speaker:No. Or a grief coach. But this is really interesting
Speaker:because I know that a lot of my healing came from me
Speaker:learning and working with experts and, like, growing my.
Speaker:I guess not, credentials, but my expertise, because you don't know
Speaker:what you don't know. But in helping others, it helps my
Speaker:healing, but also in learning from other experts. What do you think some
Speaker:of the biggest takeaways were from you learning
Speaker:to be a grief psychologist? Supporting, like,
Speaker:your healing or mending those really deep
Speaker:wounds from, you know, losing your brother?
Speaker:Yeah, I. You know, one of the first things that I did
Speaker:when I was in my program is I
Speaker:started volunteering with hospice, and I understood
Speaker:traumatic loss. I wanted to understand the slow goodbye.
Speaker:I had lost a couple grandparents, but one was really suddenly, and the other,
Speaker:I was really young, so I didn't. I didn't remember those
Speaker:experiences in any acute kind of way.
Speaker:And someone in the cohort ahead had said that they were working at hospice, and
Speaker:I was like, oh, What a great idea. So I, I signed up for their
Speaker:volunteer program. So I went through whole 40 hour bereavement
Speaker:training and it was like, oh my gosh, so many
Speaker:things make sense. Things that I had hoped I would
Speaker:learn going through therapy, I was learning through this training
Speaker:program. I was able to confront a lot of my own fears and
Speaker:discomfort around death and dying and talking about those concepts. And
Speaker:then I started sitting with people who had loved ones in
Speaker:hospice service and eventually became a vigil volunteer. So
Speaker:doing like, I'd go to class from 6 to 10 at night, go home and
Speaker:eat some dinner, and then I would go sit vigil from like midnight to 4am
Speaker:with people who are actively dying. And I, I don't know, I just, I found
Speaker:a peace in that and a comfort in that, that I was holding space for
Speaker:someone's family that was going through something really challenging
Speaker:and not having to fix or rescue. Like, I just needed to
Speaker:be. I just needed to be myself and show up and hold space
Speaker:and. And that was really helpful for me. The
Speaker:other really big piece is I found a good therapist who
Speaker:wasn't afra talk about grief with me. I think it was
Speaker:probably the spring or summer semester of the first year and it
Speaker:was like a family systems class. And so a lot of other
Speaker:super fun party tricks were coming up for me to work.
Speaker:And I found a really good therapist. And she
Speaker:wasn't afraid to talk about my loss with me. She helped me work
Speaker:through a lot of anger that I was having because really all of the way
Speaker:that where I am right now is all Garrett's fault because I
Speaker:definitely wouldn't have been on this track without him passing. Yeah, you'd be
Speaker:slinging books. I know. At a library, a
Speaker:librarian situation on. And
Speaker:instead I am doing grief and loss
Speaker:work every day. So, yeah, I think finding a good
Speaker:therapist who wasn't afraid or uncomfortable talking about my loss
Speaker:was huge. And then also just helping me unpack the
Speaker:complicated feelings I had there, the responsibility, the guilt, the
Speaker:like, you know, we go through all of those questions. I could have done something
Speaker:different or said something, or maybe I would have known. And
Speaker:going through that helped make space
Speaker:for more. Just like seeing and remembering
Speaker:who Garrett was, not that 1%. That kind
Speaker:of overshadowed things at the end. I think
Speaker:there's, you know, so many layers of beauty to that. And, you know,
Speaker:healing is so messy, but it has to.
Speaker:You have to feel to heal. And, you know, it is messy. You got to
Speaker:dig through it before you can rebuild. And I think what
Speaker:you Just kind of emphasized here was about finding a good therapist,
Speaker:which I'm assuming that's what you are. Well, I mean, I try to
Speaker:be. I. Yeah, no, you are. Dr. Heather Taylor is an amazing
Speaker:therapist. And I know for
Speaker:you a good therapist might be something different than someone
Speaker:listening. What are some things? I guess this is just really important,
Speaker:especially if you're listening to this. You're looking for a therapist navigating anything
Speaker:in life, specifically grief and loss, but anything.
Speaker:What should people be looking for to know if they are a good therapist?
Speaker:Yeah. Research literally shows 70% of
Speaker:therapeutic changes based on the fitness between the client and the clinician.
Speaker:So you want to find someone that you feel comfortable with. If you're like
Speaker:spidey senses tingling that like, like I'm getting like
Speaker:cringy vibes or I just, I don't feel like we're not
Speaker:on the same page or I am throwing things back and they're reflecting it back
Speaker:wrong. So there's a lot of correcting. I mean, you can figure out ways to
Speaker:make that work. And if you're grieving and you're starting the
Speaker:therapeutic process, you don't have the capacity to,
Speaker:to educate someone about all of your nuances. So you want to find someone that
Speaker:you feel comfortable with, that there's a good energetic exchange
Speaker:and that they make the therapy about you. So if you're with someone
Speaker:and they're trying to just give you all sorts of advice or like have
Speaker:some, you know, I don't know. I,
Speaker:I don't, I don't want to give any shade to any other. Like, you want,
Speaker:you want it to like, it's not like a five step. Process that's gonna
Speaker:heal your grief. It's like, okay, like slow your roll. Like grief,
Speaker:grief doesn't go away. It just gets different. So if they're saying they're gonna heal
Speaker:your grief, like they are definitely trying to sell you something and I, that that
Speaker:rubs me the wrong way. Well, and you can't heal grief.
Speaker:No. Grief is not healable. Yeah. You just learn to carry
Speaker:it in a different way. Right. I mean, like, I think some things, I
Speaker:think parts of grief you could learn to manage.
Speaker:But it's right, like grief starts off as this big thing where it's full, encompassing
Speaker:and grief doesn't necessarily shrink, but life gets layered around
Speaker:it. Yeah. You know, there's that image where it's a ball. Right. And
Speaker:it's a ball and then around it's another ball and there's no space and the
Speaker:big ball is grief. And then the other image is like, the ball is the
Speaker:same size, but now life, the ball of life, is a lot bigger. And,
Speaker:you know, I think. I think what you just said also is, like, there
Speaker:is a therapist out there for everyone. There's also. Maybe therapy
Speaker:isn't even for you. Right. There's different healing modalities.
Speaker:There's different, you know, ways to go about it. And I think the first step
Speaker:is realizing that you don't want to feel like that anymore, and
Speaker:there are professionals out there that can help you. Absolutely. You
Speaker:don't have to navigate it alone. It can feel really
Speaker:overwhelming to know where to start. And so, you know, do an
Speaker:Instagram search of, like, grief and see
Speaker:what profiles show up. There's so many great grief coaches. There
Speaker:are great grief therapists out there. Like, you can find someone. Yeah,
Speaker:exactly. To work with that's gonna help you feel seen
Speaker:and isn't afraid to talk about your person. Like, Blair, I love that you asked
Speaker:my brother's name. Like, that lets me know you're someone who's not afraid
Speaker:to talk about my loss because you're willing to say their name. Because
Speaker:if the clinician won't say their name or is avoiding talking about it, they're
Speaker:not the right person for you to be working with because especially if. You need
Speaker:grief support and they won't talk about your grief. And then literally,
Speaker:the number of referrals that I have gotten to do
Speaker:reparative grief work as a therap, because they're
Speaker:like, well, I was working with someone, and then I had a loss happen, and
Speaker:it's like, they didn't know what to do with it. They avoided talking about it,
Speaker:or we'd kind of talk about it, or they were afraid to say their person's
Speaker:name because they didn't want to make me more upset. And it's like that therapy
Speaker:or coaching, like, those are the places to get upset. Those are the place to
Speaker:feel your feelings, because you can't. Like you said, you can't tame it till you
Speaker:name it. So, you know, I love it. Have
Speaker:spaces to. To move through it, to be messy with it, because grief is
Speaker:messy. You're figuring out your whole new normal. You know, life is messy. Just
Speaker:not. Not even just grief. Like, life is really messy. And,
Speaker:you know, I was thinking about this because I'm in a. Like,
Speaker:I just came out of, like, half a decade of, I would say, fresh hell.
Speaker:Like, night. Like, what's it called? I was gonna say Night of the Living Dead,
Speaker:but it Was dark night of the soul. I had like a dark night
Speaker:of the soul. Like a full like rebirth after like significant grief. Right. The mom,
Speaker:my mom, my dad, my father in law, the miscarriage and a whole bunch of
Speaker:other like two pets, my grandfather, injuries, other things,
Speaker:my husband almost dying. But now I'm in a decent season
Speaker:where like my life that's layered around grief, the
Speaker:ball is bigger and I'm able to show up in different
Speaker:ways. And I have people very close to me who are going through
Speaker:the motions of losing family members, having sick family members,
Speaker:having really traumatic things happen to them. And I'm now in
Speaker:this place where I can hold space. And it's interesting because like I do have
Speaker:this feeling of gratitude, of like, wow, I'm like so grateful I got through
Speaker:that and now I can be here to hold that space for others because like
Speaker:no one gets out alive. Right? No one gets
Speaker:out alive. And so like what are we doing with our time here? And if
Speaker:we are in a place where we can hold that space, not necessarily me or
Speaker:you as the expert, but me and you as the human. When our
Speaker:friends or community members need that help,
Speaker:we do that because when it's, when it's our turn, they're going
Speaker:to be there for us. Yeah. And yeah, I
Speaker:definitely like, if you're listening to this and in like you're having a
Speaker:hard time, like you don't have to do it alone.
Speaker:Yeah, you don't have to do it alone. And you know, you just said like,
Speaker:you can look on Instagram and tick tock. PsychologyToday.com has
Speaker:a really great list of therapists. Like when I was looking for someone to do
Speaker:emdr, I found them on there. And my sister is a therapist and
Speaker:she helped me pick someone out because she's like, I know what credentials. I'm like,
Speaker:I just go with like, oh, that person looks nice. But most, most
Speaker:therapists or counselors or I know I do coaches, we offer
Speaker:complimentary sessions. Yep. So you don't have to dive right
Speaker:in. And also I know it can be really
Speaker:expensive and I. Depending on where you are in the world, some modalities
Speaker:are covered by insurance. I can tell you something that really
Speaker:changed my life. I fled an abusive relationship
Speaker:and was homeless for three weeks before. This is before I met my husband. And
Speaker:like when I started dating my husband I like was not
Speaker:okay and I didn't really have money and I was self employed
Speaker:because that like, that was a really scary experience like fleeing
Speaker:abuse and like being homeless and like There's a whole bunch of layers of grief
Speaker:there. And, like, also shame. Sure. And I found a
Speaker:therapist who had a sliding scale. And
Speaker:because of him, I was able to.
Speaker:It was like the first time I saw a therapist and I was able to
Speaker:actually experience therapy. And what his. His, like, scale was,
Speaker:was the room cost, I think 20 or $40 an hour.
Speaker:His rate was. I don't know. I can't remember, don't quote me, but like
Speaker:150. And so, like, pay what I can. And even
Speaker:if I can't cover the cost of the rent, like the. The room, that's okay.
Speaker:Yeah. And because of him and his generosity, I was. I started
Speaker:my therapy journey. That's amazing. So
Speaker:there are people out there that will help you. There's community services
Speaker:available in most communities where they have, you know, some
Speaker:sort of access or support. Yeah. And then there's
Speaker:a website called Open Path Collective, and all of
Speaker:the clinicians on there take sliding scale. So you
Speaker:can search in your area. And they're all clinicians that offer a sliding
Speaker:scale. And a lot of clinicians do have a couple spots that are
Speaker:sliding scale. Like, I have. I have a couple on my caseload,
Speaker:and I usually just charge them what their hourly rate at work is.
Speaker:So, like, if they make 15 an hour, then that's what I charge them for
Speaker:that hour. Just as a way. The private
Speaker:practice pro gave me that idea. I love that. That's. Actually. I
Speaker:didn't even think of that. Like, I think that's really beautiful. And
Speaker:yeah, so I don't like. Because for me, the biggest thing is, like, having
Speaker:financial burden in the way of getting support doesn't make
Speaker:sense to me. And there's some projects that. The Global Resilience project are going to
Speaker:be rolling out, and then we're going to have scholarship programs and access to mental
Speaker:health professionals. Amazing. Because, you know, if
Speaker:especially grief, like, grief is hard to navigate.
Speaker:Like, my grief was so intense that I had a grief therapist
Speaker:tell me you're doing everything you can. I was like, okay. Well, then I turned
Speaker:to plant medicine. I was like, okay, I got to do some alternative stuff. But,
Speaker:like, my grief was so intense. And I was like, yeah, the needle isn't moving.
Speaker:Yeah, well. And I, you know, I think there's. That's one of the cool things
Speaker:with doing a search on Instagram or TikTok. Like, there are a lot
Speaker:of alternative practices that can be helpful. I remember doing a grief group
Speaker:and someone found a lot of help in cold plunging, and that
Speaker:was really helpful. For them in their grief journey there there are
Speaker:alternative medicines or acupuncture or
Speaker:massage with, you know, how much we hold in our bodies. And again,
Speaker:helping things move because stuff can get stuck in there. And I think that's
Speaker:important to be curious about. What, what's a good fit
Speaker:for you. And I think like a hybrid approach. There's not like
Speaker:you can do multiple things. I mean it's easy to overdo it, but you don't
Speaker:have to just pick one thing and you know, like Heather, you. You
Speaker:do. You offer your services to be. Because you do it remote. You
Speaker:offer it to anyone in Canada, the world, like
Speaker:English speaking. Like what's like. Yeah, so
Speaker:my psychologist services, I. So because I'm psypact,
Speaker:that means any of the states that are part of the
Speaker:psypact umbrella I can do telehealth services with. So
Speaker:there's 42 states in the United States that are currently part of psypact.
Speaker:So I can offer telehealth services to any of those states. And there's a link
Speaker:to it in my profile on my website. Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker:So Garrett passed away November 2009. November's a terrible month. That was a
Speaker:bad. That's the worst. I hate November, dude. It's like my miscarriage month, my
Speaker:dad's birthday when my father in law died. It's dark. There's a time change. Well,
Speaker:you're on the, you're on the coast as well, right? So just like dark and
Speaker:miserable. Yes, fuck November. But on that note, so
Speaker:Garrett dies November 2009. That was. I'm bad at
Speaker:math. Like 15ish years ago. 15Ish years ago. Yep, good math.
Speaker:Do you do anything on his birthday or his
Speaker:angel versary? Yes, I
Speaker:call it his griefiversary. So November 18th,
Speaker:we. So that very first year it was just my parents and
Speaker:I did something, the three of us. And it was awful. Like it
Speaker:sucked. We were just sad. We tried to go to a
Speaker:movie and distract ourselves and it just was awful. And we actually found out some.
Speaker:That some other family members had gotten together that day too. And
Speaker:so they were like, we would have loved to be in that space with you.
Speaker:So moving forward, every year since we have gotten together
Speaker:as a family and my mom's one of five and they all. So I have
Speaker:a ton of cousins and so all of us get together on the
Speaker:18th and remember Garrett and the first, even
Speaker:during COVID we did virtual pizza like get
Speaker:togethers. And then this last year with it being 15,
Speaker:we actually were all at my parents house, we had a bunch of pictures
Speaker:of Garrett out. We went around and shared favorite memories of him.
Speaker:Even one of his best friends from childhood came, which was really
Speaker:amazing because we all knew, like, the family stories of him. And so it was
Speaker:really cool to get to hear more of, like the friend perspective. And
Speaker:it just. It helped it feel less alone to be the ones
Speaker:remembering him. Inviting people into that grief space with
Speaker:us. That was really impactful. That's really beautiful.
Speaker:Thank you. You know, I believe, and everyone could believe different things, and
Speaker:you probably do. We all do that. Those. Those who
Speaker:leave the physical body are still with us, just in a different energy.
Speaker:Sometimes I like, like that little, like, disclaimer, because not everyone is like,
Speaker:some people are on the scale of woo, and some people are just not on
Speaker:it at all. I love that. The scale of woo. I asked my
Speaker:clients, I was like, so where are you at on like the woo. Woo scale.
Speaker:So, yeah, scale of woo. That's great. I just made it up. You could have
Speaker:it. You could use it. Does Garrett show up in. In different
Speaker:ways for you? Oh, yeah. It's like funny moments.
Speaker:Like, I remember, I don't know, the first year I got.
Speaker:So I'll try to make this a short story. I'm kind of a rambler, as
Speaker:I'm sure you've picked up on by now. So a month before he
Speaker:died, one of my friends from college had come over for her birthday, and
Speaker:Garrett really liked her. So we all went out and he taught
Speaker:us the Cupid Shuffle that night, which is a salient point. And then he also.
Speaker:That was around when Glee was really popular. And so he
Speaker:karaoke belted out Don't Stop Believing that night. And that night
Speaker:I actually got to tell him, like, you know, I love you no matter what.
Speaker:And we had this really cool, like, 3am Conversation a month, literally a
Speaker:month before he died. And so I. That's a huge gift for me. Anyways, Don't
Speaker:Stop Believing shows up on the flipping radio like when I get a
Speaker:flat tire when I'm having a crap day and I
Speaker:just randomly turn the radio on and it's that song. So I feel like
Speaker:Garrett shows up in that song quite often and
Speaker:in interesting and funny, funny ways. I love
Speaker:that. Yes. That's beautiful. Yeah. You know, once you open your
Speaker:eyes there, the signs are all around us. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's
Speaker:really beautiful. Oh, my gosh. And so you
Speaker:and your story of your tattoo, which we'll
Speaker:briefly touch on, because I don't Want to dive into it just yet? Because you
Speaker:are going to be featured in our book Resilient AF Skin Deep Stories,
Speaker:which is going to be coming out December 2025.
Speaker:And we're actually going to be doing a pop up podcast where we're going to
Speaker:dive into the story of your tattoo and we're going to dive in a bit
Speaker:more. But let's just do a little teaser. Like what is the tattoo and where
Speaker:is it? Don't go, don't go. Don't say too much. I won't.
Speaker:Okay. It is on a highly visible part. Of my body,
Speaker:not her face.
Speaker:And it is geeky. Okay, great. I love it. Is that
Speaker:enough of a teaser? Yeah, if a lot more. I can give more. So yeah.
Speaker:Dr. Heather Taylor has a tattoo. I have multiple tattoos.
Speaker:Yes, multiple tattoos. I love it. You're absolutely amazing. And
Speaker:you're giving away something to our listeners. Do you remember what
Speaker:you're giving away? I don't remember what I'm giving away. Okay, I'll tell you what
Speaker:you're giving away. So what she's giving away, they have to fill out a form
Speaker:when they come on my show. And so she said in helping to normalize
Speaker:talking about grief and better understanding how impacts us in so many different
Speaker:ways. Here's a link to my common grief reactions digital download. So
Speaker:that's in the show notes along with her bio and
Speaker:some social media links. Her podcast link. I
Speaker:think, you know, she's a great resource on grief
Speaker:sibling loss. I mean and like she is a grief therapist
Speaker:and also just a very lovely human. So I want to invite all of you
Speaker:to dive into Dr. Heather Taylor's world and you're going to get a lot
Speaker:more her. She's going to be on our pop up podcast about Skin Deep Story.
Speaker:She's going to be in our book. She's in our world. She's a co author.
Speaker:And I just want to thank you for coming on. Before we wrap up,
Speaker:what advice do you have for someone
Speaker:who loses a sibling quite suddenly?
Speaker:The first thing I would say is you are still a sibling
Speaker:even if your sibling isn't physically here anymore.
Speaker:And it's okay if you don't know how to navigate grief yet
Speaker:or what this is gonna look like. I think when I first lost
Speaker:my brother, I felt so overwhelmed with feeling like I had to carry his
Speaker:mantle for, you know, the role he played in our family.
Speaker:And, and you don't have to do that.
Speaker:You get to figure out what
Speaker:fits for you and how, how you want to
Speaker:show up in your family system, and your grief is just as valid as every
Speaker:other family member's. And. And. And it's
Speaker:okay to not have all the answers right away. It's
Speaker:beautiful. It's beautiful. And I
Speaker:think the answers appear when you stop looking for them.
Speaker:You know, when you start to heal, the answers appear, and you might not ever
Speaker:get the full answers. No, I.
Speaker:Man, the. The questions I would ask if I could.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's
Speaker:amazing. Well, thank you for joining us on Resilient af. This was
Speaker:such a treat. Thank you for having me. I really am grateful for
Speaker:the time and this, the space to share about Garrett. So thank you. Yes. And
Speaker:thank you for sharing about Garrett and your journey from librarian to grief psychologist
Speaker:and everything in between. All because of Garrett. All his
Speaker:fault. Yeah. It's all his fault in the best possible way.
Speaker:Yeah. And I want to thank everyone for tuning in to another episode of
Speaker:Resilient af. You know, this is super awesome that we get to do this, have
Speaker:these conversations. You know, when you're going through something hard,
Speaker:it's easy to feel like you're so alone, but you're not. Let us, our
Speaker:community, be that lighthouse in the storm. Let us be the light
Speaker:at the end of that tunnel. Let us hold your hand and walk through that
Speaker:dark time with you. You will get through it. And just
Speaker:remember, you are Resilient af.
