Shownotes
In this episode, Kev and Tracey chat to guest Alison Blackler about the art of being present, overcoming fears and anxieties, and understanding the power of our subconscious minds.
We chat about:
- Putting our attention on the here and now
- Counteracting negative self talk
- Celebrating our achievements
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- How often do you find yourself lost in thoughts while driving?
- Who do you drive like?
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Transcripts
So in today's episode, we're joined by Alison Blackler, who
Speaker:is a mind coach and author from Two
Speaker:Minds. And Alison's also got her own podcast called
Speaker:Mental Wealth. So welcome, Alison. Oh, thank
Speaker:you. Thanks so much for having me on your podcast. It's absolute pleasure.
Speaker:Brilliant. Alison, first thing I always like to ask
Speaker:people is what is driving anxiety mean
Speaker:to you? Does that mean to me? Good question. I
Speaker:think for me, it means that somebody has
Speaker:probably put a greater importance or a
Speaker:bigger they made it into a much bigger thing than
Speaker:the actual driving. Because quite often people talk, don't they, about
Speaker:the actual driving bit is actually once you've got the mirror signal
Speaker:over and you've got everything sorted, it's sort of
Speaker:okay, isn't it? Sort of fairly straightforward. But
Speaker:the anxiety bit is the bit I think people just learned on the
Speaker:top, probably. Rightly. So to start with, there might be a trigger, there might be
Speaker:a reason why, but I think they then make it, like a lot of people
Speaker:do, about a lot of things a million times worse than it actually needs
Speaker:to be. Because how often do you hear someone say, I was wrong or nervous
Speaker:about something, I went and did it, I pushed myself or I got the right
Speaker:support and then it was okay. And I think many of that for so
Speaker:many things, don't we? And I think driving is up there. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker:Definitely. And hearing you talk there made me think very much
Speaker:about driving test anxiety and driving test
Speaker:nerves, because that's exactly what we hear all the
Speaker:time. Yeah. Probably the way that you say it as well was
Speaker:someone said, do you know what? I just went and did it. And it wasn't
Speaker:as bad as I thought. The examiner was quite human,
Speaker:because the. Human brain, I mean, obviously I specialize in the human brain. The human
Speaker:brain joins up the gaps, makes up things
Speaker:if you're not careful, especially if your limbic system, which is your emotional the
Speaker:anxiety bit of your brain, if that's running the show, it will
Speaker:be catastrophizing. It'll make something feel a million
Speaker:times worse. So you're not just managing then, your physical feelings,
Speaker:you're actually then trying to manage your big piece of kit, which is telling you
Speaker:all sorts of things that may or may not be true. Yeah,
Speaker:I like that way that you describe your brain as being a bit of
Speaker:kit, because that's what it is, isn't it? It's the
Speaker:toolkit that's running the show. Yeah. And it can be
Speaker:your greatest asset, because the human brain is amazing,
Speaker:but it can also be your worst enemy. And I think for
Speaker:people to understand that that's why I look around shows like
Speaker:this. Because I think if we can help ourselves understand a bit more
Speaker:about this piece of kit, so drive ourselves a little
Speaker:manual, then you've got a greater chance of being able to have
Speaker:a better experience with whatever it is that you're trying to do. So if you're
Speaker:trying to pass your driving test or just trying to get into a lesson
Speaker:even before, never mind the driving test. But I think that sort of making
Speaker:it worse is definitely a thing that humans do.
Speaker:Yeah, well, we're always I guess it's part of keeping us
Speaker:safe, isn't it? We're always on the lookout for that worst case
Speaker:scenario, because if we can be prepared for that,
Speaker:then we're okay, we're going to survive.
Speaker:But it's not always helpful because these thoughts are not
Speaker:facts. It's often far removed from the truth,
Speaker:isn't it? Yeah, but I think it is right to say that it
Speaker:is normal for us to have these responses and we
Speaker:wouldn't survive. I mean, our ancestors would not have survived if
Speaker:they hadn't had this emotional response to this
Speaker:danger, to the Cybertooth tiger or whatever, to
Speaker:fight it, to run away or to fruise and hope that it ate you and
Speaker:not me. We had to have that. But
Speaker:we've moved on as humans since those days when we were all
Speaker:crawling around in the jungle. But this emotional response is the same.
Speaker:So that emotional response can be triggered from thinking that your
Speaker:friends done better than you or worrying about
Speaker:whether the instructor you said is nice or the
Speaker:examiner, thank you, Lord, what's the word there? The examiner making up
Speaker:that they are the scale of the Menster that's
Speaker:busting through your door. If you think that, then your brain
Speaker:will be putting you into that same response, that kind
Speaker:of keeps us alive and keeps us safe. And to me, it's that relationship
Speaker:we have with that that is critical to make
Speaker:it a better experience. Because we all love making stories up, don't
Speaker:we? Totally. We love having a story, don't
Speaker:we? So if I'm making this story up about
Speaker:driving and driving is going to be the worst thing ever and I'll
Speaker:never be able to do it, what can we do that could help us
Speaker:plan for that? So I think we can think about
Speaker:stories, like transferring stories, so when we
Speaker:can transfer a story to a different thing, because the subconscious mind, which
Speaker:is what we're talking about here, doesn't know the difference between something
Speaker:that you have done, something that you haven't done. So if you are good at
Speaker:doing something so most people are good at doing something,
Speaker:whatever that might be, someone will tell you tell stories, I'm good at
Speaker:that, I can do that. Well, tying shoe
Speaker:races, for example. Most people, unless you're very young,
Speaker:are good at that. And in your brain, you can then
Speaker:make a connection to say, well, I'm good at that, so I'll just talk about
Speaker:that. And I can say, well, if I've learned how to do that, I'll be
Speaker:able to learn how to do this. So we've got to be careful of the
Speaker:stories that we add into something new. But I
Speaker:think the other thing is absolutely right to say that if it's
Speaker:new, then you haven't got a reference, we haven't got something
Speaker:in our mind. So then the mind might make up a load of stories or
Speaker:start to add or the other thing that we do is we start to tell
Speaker:other people's stories and then that doesn't help you either. So
Speaker:for me, it's about looking at something that you know you're good at and then
Speaker:looking at how you do that. How do you think about that
Speaker:thing that you're good at? Are you kind to yourself about
Speaker:it? Are you encouraging? Could you be your own cheerleader
Speaker:leader? And you will be. So how do we then say, okay, here's a new
Speaker:thing driving. How do we then start to tell our minds? Because it
Speaker:doesn't know the difference between something that you have done or you are
Speaker:imagining that you've done it. So I think we can create the stories,
Speaker:but link it, if you can, to something that you know you're already good at.
Speaker:I like that. Yeah, I do. Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker:And we're big fans of using that type of
Speaker:imagery as well because it can be used in so many ways. So
Speaker:it's so useful when it's used positively because we're all
Speaker:really good at using those things negatively. So let's
Speaker:switch them round and use them to our advantage instead
Speaker:of our disadvantage. I mean, almost things are no
Speaker:brainer. Why do we do that thing where we
Speaker:are super negative? Yes, we know that we are risk averse, so
Speaker:we can often be being over cautious about
Speaker:things. And I would imagine in driving, that can be good, to be
Speaker:a bit cautious, but also very disabling if you're too cautious because
Speaker:that in itself can be quite dangerous. I'm only imagining,
Speaker:but I think it would be you could tell me otherwise. It's a long time
Speaker:since I did my driving test, but I think just being
Speaker:able to not be so hard on yourself, to be kind of a
Speaker:bit more positive around those small things
Speaker:you'll hear me on? Anything I talk about is what's the one small thing
Speaker:that you can take from this? Or what's the one small thing that went well
Speaker:today? Or what's the one small thing that went well on my driving test
Speaker:or my driving lesson? Because there will be stuff,
Speaker:but guess what? Home on the humans, we're home in a
Speaker:minute that didn't go so well. And then talk about that and think
Speaker:about that and drive ourselves mad. So I would imagine in a
Speaker:driving lesson, there might be something that was a bit harder, but there'd be
Speaker:50%, 70% that went really, really well. What is it in
Speaker:humans? Why do we do that? We have to make ourselves kind of almost
Speaker:talk about the things that have gone well to shift our
Speaker:attention, because it will be dragging us back to that. Well, that wasn't good
Speaker:enough. And then, obviously, we've all got our layers of what
Speaker:we've heard when we were younger and how we are processing. We've
Speaker:got all that to deal with as well. Yeah,
Speaker:I could talk for hours about that. I could talk for hours, but, yeah, I
Speaker:won't for the moment. How does it
Speaker:affect someone that's had the experience, then? Because the
Speaker:people that tend to reach out to us for help have
Speaker:had the experience of driving, but are now all
Speaker:of a sudden, for no apparent reason, they have a fear of driving,
Speaker:or they have a fear of motorways. Motorways seems to be a popular one,
Speaker:I mentioned that one. So what's happened there? Because there's nothing really
Speaker:bad happened, but what's happened to someone
Speaker:that now has that fear? So phobias, because that's
Speaker:almost a phobia, isn't it? Can start from hardly anything,
Speaker:but it's where we've paid attention to something
Speaker:and made that become the truth. So sometimes
Speaker:people will have some things very small that's happened, and then suddenly
Speaker:it's a big deal. So they have a little incident in a lift, or not
Speaker:even an incident lift, but they've suddenly decided that a lift, for example,
Speaker:something was going to happen. But actually, what's quite interesting is we're often not
Speaker:fearful of the thing that we're fearful, we're fearful of what's not
Speaker:happening. So we're not actually scared of the driving,
Speaker:we're scared that something's going to happen. And I think that's where people
Speaker:get very lost. So I was working with somebody just the other week, last
Speaker:week, and she says she's got a fear of flying, but she hasn't got a
Speaker:fear of flying, has she? She's got a fear of something happening, she's got a
Speaker:fear of being out of control. And I think that's
Speaker:where a lot of people's phobias come from, is that they fear that they
Speaker:are not in control. And I guess with
Speaker:driving, we all can drive the car, probably really well.
Speaker:It's everyone else, isn't it, that people then become very worried about
Speaker:everyone else, and that's out of your control.
Speaker:And as humans, we like to be in control. So I
Speaker:wonder for some of those people, whether they've just suddenly
Speaker:something's changed in their life, they've suddenly got that realization
Speaker:of other people, or again, very experienced drivers.
Speaker:I've had people myself who've just suddenly decided that driving on the
Speaker:motorway or driving in the dark has just become too difficult.
Speaker:But I think for me, it's about how they've dealt with that, because if you
Speaker:respect the fact that that's happened and then work with yourself
Speaker:kindly, you've got more of a chance of helping yourself.
Speaker:What most people do is get really cross and angry with themselves,
Speaker:start to get very upset, start to then it then starts to
Speaker:affect more of their life. So now I can't go places because I
Speaker:can't go on the monitor way, or I can't go over a
Speaker:bridge, so I can't go to that person's house, or I
Speaker:now can't do that. So then it starts to affect more of their life, and
Speaker:I think that's when it starts, they've made it into this massive
Speaker:thing. And I'm still respecting the fact that they're nervous, by the way, because that's
Speaker:the way the human brain is, but we then end up affecting
Speaker:us more, so it becomes a bigger thing. So then they talk about it more
Speaker:and then suddenly it's, like, took over and that
Speaker:really becomes the phobia or the fear, isn't it?
Speaker:It's the way that they're thinking about it, the way they're talking about it, the
Speaker:way that it's impacting on their life. Because there's lots of things
Speaker:that we all don't like to do, but if it doesn't affect your life, then
Speaker:you probably just let it go. I know. I don't want a bungee
Speaker:job. Me neither. I knew
Speaker:that. I'm happy about that. I don't need to try and make myself
Speaker:do it. I don't want to do it. So I made a strong decision about
Speaker:that and I'm okay with that. But I think when it's something like you've been
Speaker:driving and if you are a driver and you've always just got in
Speaker:the car and then suddenly you can't, for whatever reason,
Speaker:and then you've make it, it affects more of your life. I think that's where
Speaker:people start to get really down on themselves and then
Speaker:build it into this enormous thing that then is more
Speaker:difficult to manage. But obviously they've got you
Speaker:to reach out to. I'm going to be
Speaker:totally random here. I know there's a fear of spiders,
Speaker:fear of bridges, and is there an actual word for a fear of
Speaker:driving? I don't know. Probably will be. Tracy
Speaker:knows. Yes. I believe it's
Speaker:venophobia. I'm going to jump in quickly here to
Speaker:correct that. It's actually veophobia. Or there is
Speaker:another word that I hadn't heard of, which is amoxophobia.
Speaker:That was testing me. But yes, there is definitely a word for
Speaker:it. I'm not always the best at
Speaker:remembering the right words. There is actually.
Speaker:I mean, there's a bit of everything, isn't there? There's a word. Don't even
Speaker:ask me where that came from. It was just like, this is a. Bit random,
Speaker:putting us all on the spot. Well, I
Speaker:didn't know the answer to that. Sorry. I sometimes do that.
Speaker:Sometimes I just have this random thought and it comes out.
Speaker:Anyway, back to the podcast. You've answered my question.
Speaker:I'm wondering if it's worth talking a little bit more about
Speaker:reinforcement and associations, because
Speaker:I think a lot of what we've just been chatting around, those are
Speaker:the words that keep popping up in my head that I'm jotting down when you're
Speaker:talking. So can we talk a little bit more about how that works, how that
Speaker:might play out? I think association, I
Speaker:think the first thing to say is that the human brain is an association making
Speaker:machine. So everything that we're seeing,
Speaker:talking about, hearing, feeling, tasting and smelling
Speaker:is connected to our five senses, but it's like
Speaker:everything that comes into our five senses, I always think
Speaker:of it as like a great big, huge filing cabinet full of
Speaker:everything that you've ever smelt, tasted, seen, heard,
Speaker:et cetera. And it's just there and these little minions have to
Speaker:go, but what does this mean right now for
Speaker:me? Because, remember, it's trying to make you safe. So what does this mean
Speaker:right now? So people see things, hear things and there's
Speaker:sometimes a panic, I've got to get my
Speaker:association. So I think it's fair to say that that is what's
Speaker:happening. It's how you can use that to help
Speaker:yourself, I think is the critical part. You can use that piece
Speaker:of kit because, yes, it's there for just in case. So if you have
Speaker:had something, it's right that your mind says, we would still all
Speaker:be burning our hands on the fire if we didn't have that
Speaker:childhood, don't touch the fire. And
Speaker:eventually you touch it, don't you? And you don't ever touch it again
Speaker:or, you know, to respect it. You mean what you just made me
Speaker:think about that as children, because we learn so much, don't we,
Speaker:from our childhoods? We learn through getting it wrong, we
Speaker:learn from our caregivers. They telling us all the time this
Speaker:don't do this, don't do that. And I wonder with driving, because obviously
Speaker:as children, we don't have that experience, do we? We just get in cars,
Speaker:don't we, as children? And you just made me thinking, I've got
Speaker:no legs particularly about this, but as we're saying random things, I'm
Speaker:just going to share it. I do wonder,
Speaker:some people who do get very anxious about driving, I
Speaker:wonder if they might not know because we
Speaker:don't have a conscious thought about everything, but it is
Speaker:stored in there whether there is any link to
Speaker:how their parents or their adults
Speaker:drove or how they thought about driving. So it
Speaker:isn't. You'll hear people say, oh, my mom was quite
Speaker:anxious driver that makes sense because we do
Speaker:copy so much as children. But I wonder whether there is
Speaker:any link for some people with that unconscious just
Speaker:being in a car. Not particularly aware of
Speaker:how the driver was doing, but actually the driver themselves was
Speaker:unsure. Bit nervous, had an incident,
Speaker:not necessarily with a kid in the car. So you wonder, don't you, whether
Speaker:if there was a correlation between that, which they
Speaker:don't remember, they don't have any memory of, but there's something
Speaker:that the mind's remembering. Yeah,
Speaker:I would imagine. Yes. Because certainly
Speaker:there's a high percentage of people that we talk to who, like you say, they
Speaker:know, they remember. They say, my family
Speaker:history of driving is XYZ.
Speaker:And that's something we hear quite a lot. And it's something that people
Speaker:will freely say right at the very beginning. It's not
Speaker:something we have to dig very hard for. So, yes, I wouldn't
Speaker:mind betting that there's some unconscious
Speaker:secret, because I think. It'S like anything, isn't it? When I used to do
Speaker:a lot of furviews, if someone came to me and said, I've got a thunder
Speaker:flying and it's because I was in a huge, turbulent thing and
Speaker:la la. So they've got a story. But then there's other people who don't have
Speaker:that story. It just happened one day. They've just
Speaker:suddenly had that connection with something. And there's so much
Speaker:that we pick up from other people. So much that
Speaker:we just never really know. I suppose I'm liking it because my dad
Speaker:was a very confident driver and I'd say my mom probably wasn't as much
Speaker:and I definitely drive like my dad, because I think he taught me
Speaker:to drive and it was like, you'll be assured if you get on with
Speaker:it and that's it. And yes, he taught me, so
Speaker:that's where I've learned it from. But there's still something in that sort of coding,
Speaker:isn't there, about what was expected? And I wonder, with the association, whether some
Speaker:people just don't remember but they have got something that
Speaker:their mind has connected with. But then the other thing about
Speaker:the brain, of course, is it can make associations that are
Speaker:incorrect or it's part of the coding. So I
Speaker:think the best example of this is when we were all learning to read out
Speaker:at school, it was quite terrifying, we were learning,
Speaker:but we didn't want to look silly in front of our friends, we didn't want
Speaker:anyone to laugh at us, we didn't want to be ridiculed, so we worried a
Speaker:lot about that. So that was our childhood experience. Fast
Speaker:track now to adult life. And somebody says to you at work, or could you
Speaker:just do a presentation? And everyone goes and it takes
Speaker:them back to as if they were about six when they were reading out at
Speaker:school and the fear of humiliation and the fear and I can
Speaker:remember trying to work out which paragraph would be mine
Speaker:and trying to, but I couldn't because my friends were
Speaker:reading their and I wasn't clever enough at that age to
Speaker:be able to read and have somebody else talking at the same time. But
Speaker:that's a really obvious association, that when you say that most people go,
Speaker:oh, yes, that's me, terrified of speaking out in
Speaker:public because we all had that experience in
Speaker:school. So the association with driving
Speaker:cars, they are quite terrifying in a way, aren't
Speaker:they? And definitely other drivers are definitely
Speaker:terrifying, but I wonder about that, that sort of level of
Speaker:control and what your experience has been
Speaker:like when I'm training. People to drive, it's quite interesting
Speaker:when you ask them who's the good driver? Who's not a good driver?
Speaker:Dad's potentially not a good driver because he's too
Speaker:fast and Mum is a safe driver because
Speaker:she's slow. What would you like to drive like, is the
Speaker:question. And they said, well, sometimes my dad, sometimes my mum, and
Speaker:it's quite interesting having those conversations, because it is like
Speaker:they've never driven before, but the association with driving
Speaker:and they can grab little bits of their experiences,
Speaker:can't they? And this is where that comes in. The association with driving
Speaker:is that form is quite good in some ways, but that form
Speaker:is better in others. So being able to do that and grab that
Speaker:experience and take out what they want is almost a skill, isn't
Speaker:it? Yeah, definitely. Because it is a choice,
Speaker:so you should be able to choose. It is a choice
Speaker:in a lot of ways. You can choose how you're going to react
Speaker:and how you're going to behave and what information you're going to choose to take
Speaker:on board and what you're going to choose to do about
Speaker:it. Definitely. I think the other thing that's
Speaker:popping up for me, just when you were talking about the
Speaker:mum and dad kind of differences, et cetera, I think that's
Speaker:almost everything, isn't it? That you've managed to understand
Speaker:as a young teenager, you've got a bit of everything,
Speaker:bit of dad, bit of mom, whatever that might be good and bad and indifferent
Speaker:and that's navigating. That, isn't it? Even if it's
Speaker:happening while you're literally learning to drive, it's like, Gosh, I
Speaker:don't know which one to be. In a way, we're doing that all the time.
Speaker:You'll sometimes hear people say, gosh, I sound like my dad, or Gosh, you sound
Speaker:like my mom, or I'm being like this. And actually, we're almost sort of
Speaker:trying to navigate that through life, never mind just through
Speaker:driving, of which bits of dad do you want to keep on and which
Speaker:wits do you want to ditch? And vice versa. That's
Speaker:part of my personal journey is I definitely wanted to let go of some of
Speaker:the things that I'd been shown how to do, because it wasn't the way I
Speaker:wanted to do it. I think it's an interesting question for somebody
Speaker:to ask them, what kind of a driver do you want to be?
Speaker:Where do you want to be? I wish there was more people who ask themselves
Speaker:that question out there.
Speaker:Definitely. And if somebody's an anxious driver, to
Speaker:maybe ask themselves the question of what would it look like if
Speaker:I wasn't an anxious driver? What would I look like to be
Speaker:a I was going to say normal, but I'm not sure that's quite the
Speaker:right word to be an average driver. Safe.
Speaker:Safe driver. Yes. See, the driving instructor is always going to say
Speaker:safe. In control. In control, as we've mentioned that
Speaker:already. Yeah, just link that. But that's the sort of thing, isn't it?
Speaker:It's the words that we're using, isn't it?
Speaker:So many people are focused on what they don't want, so I don't want to
Speaker:be worried, I don't want to have a crash, I don't want to this,
Speaker:I don't want to that. And actually, the subconscious mind gets very confused
Speaker:about what you're trying to focus on there. So
Speaker:if you can hear yourself saying, I don't want to feel stressed,
Speaker:I don't want to be anxious, I don't want to be worried, it's
Speaker:really asking yourself, well, what do you want instead? Because
Speaker:so many people, even though on a logical level, as a human,
Speaker:as an adult, when someone says, I don't want to be stressed, on one
Speaker:level, everyone's like, oh, yeah, well, of course that means you want to be
Speaker:relaxed. But the subconscious mind remembers all these little means. It's
Speaker:like, what do you want us to do? We don't know.
Speaker:So it focuses on the word that you've used. So it
Speaker:hills. Be stressed, stressed, be anxious, be
Speaker:worried, be nervous. And then, of course, that triggers all the
Speaker:physical symptoms to which I know you've talked about on other
Speaker:shows. And it computers, the mind. Whereas
Speaker:if you really solidly, think about something really simple,
Speaker:safe, calm, relaxed, and just focus
Speaker:on that because you've got other parts of your life where you are. That's
Speaker:where we were talking about before. Bring that in. So imagine that you're
Speaker:doing the hobby that you're really good at or something that you really
Speaker:love, and imagine that you're just doing that again, your mind
Speaker:will allow you to do that. It'll play. I'm a big fan
Speaker:of helping us be a bit more playful, because the part of
Speaker:the mind that we're talking about here is a bit like a two year old
Speaker:child. So we've got to be playful with it and say, okay, I'm not actually
Speaker:sitting in a car. I'm sitting in whatever it is that you love to
Speaker:do. Yeah, great. And being specific
Speaker:with a positive emotion, because
Speaker:that's going to set your brain, your mind on the
Speaker:right track. It's less confusing, like you say, you're telling your
Speaker:mind what you want, being specific.
Speaker:It's almost like modeling, isn't it? It's modeling that I won't
Speaker:say perfect driving, because I don't think there is. But what would a good driver
Speaker:drive like and then drive like that driver? Can you drive like
Speaker:your mum? Can you drive like your dad? But it's exactly that, isn't it? It's
Speaker:modeling and see what happens, see what it feels like it is. But I think
Speaker:paying attention to the kind of now and what's happening
Speaker:right now is actually oil that's here, that's the
Speaker:only bit we can actually control is what's happening right now, this very
Speaker:second. Anything else is either gone or hasn't happened yet.
Speaker:And I think just thinking about in that moment, how do I need to be?
Speaker:How would I like to be? And put your attention on that. But I think
Speaker:things like driving or when people are really trying to work with a lot of
Speaker:anxiety. It's that small consistent
Speaker:thing. Decide what is it? What's your word? I want to be
Speaker:calm. I'm calm. I'm okay, I've got this. Something really solid.
Speaker:Because sometimes we kind of end up getting overwhelmed with thinking
Speaker:we need to be something even more sort of the next step. If you
Speaker:like, you can't necessarily choose that we are
Speaker:going to be driving like somebody who's been driving for years. That's not your goal.
Speaker:It's chunking that right down, isn't it? And just be really mindful. And that's the
Speaker:other thing that so many people do is they don't then celebrate when they have
Speaker:got something. When they've done well, they don't get out the car and say that
Speaker:was great. And again, Shaman Blay has spent all his
Speaker:childhood hearing feedback for everything, all through school
Speaker:and every step of the way. Feedback, feedback. Well done, well done. Even if
Speaker:you colored in outside the lines, you still got a well done. And then you
Speaker:become old enough to drive. So a young adult and anything older
Speaker:and no one does that anymore. So we've got to be our own
Speaker:agent and celebrate every step of the
Speaker:way, but all of the things that you have managed to achieve, because
Speaker:if you don't, your mind's just going to go, oh, well, that obviously isn't
Speaker:any good. And it'll just then autopilot straight into the not
Speaker:good. Yeah. And we do say that.
Speaker:We're always saying, how are you going to reward yourself? Break it down
Speaker:into tiny chunks and then when you've done it
Speaker:reward yourself, celebrate. And it's always alcohol
Speaker:that comes out. Or chocolate for some reason.
Speaker:On the podcast it's normally chocolate, but yes, on some of the emails
Speaker:we get, it's often alcohol. It's
Speaker:interesting. We talk about rewarding things. One of the things I hear people
Speaker:so somebody might ask you, so say scenario is somebody's had a driving
Speaker:lesson and then their friend or their family member
Speaker:says, how did it go? The thing that comes out of your mouth
Speaker:at that first point is critical because
Speaker:your subconscious mind is earwigging and listening, isn't it? So you need
Speaker:to really have something really strong to say. When someone says, how
Speaker:was your driving lesson? It was great.
Speaker:Or it went really well. Because what you often hear
Speaker:is something not like that. They'll say,
Speaker:yes, it went, but there was a bot or there was
Speaker:something that they then. So for me, if
Speaker:anyone's, any of your people are listening, it's what is that thing that you're
Speaker:going to say the minute somebody asks you how was your driving lesson? And maybe
Speaker:you do that anyway, carefully you make sure they've got
Speaker:this sentence that they're going to say when their friend or their mom says, how
Speaker:was your lesson? Have something really strong. Because they talk
Speaker:about being that reinforcement. So your mind goes, oh, okay, that was
Speaker:good. Well, we can do that again. And
Speaker:we get that. Oxytocin. Buz. That dopamine buz. And
Speaker:we love that feeling. We've got to reinforce that wherever we
Speaker:can. Yeah, brilliant. So what did you achieve
Speaker:and who are you going to tell? So,
Speaker:Alison, when we were first talking about you being a guest on the
Speaker:podcast, and we were saying about driving
Speaker:anxiety, was there anything that you thought,
Speaker:oh, I hope they ask me this, or, I really want to talk about this.
Speaker:Is there anything we haven't covered that you were keen
Speaker:to get across? I think the end of the thing that a
Speaker:lot of people do, a lot of adults do, is they compare themselves to
Speaker:others. If you do that favorably. So
Speaker:if you've seen somebody that is doing something that you like and
Speaker:admire and you think, you know what, I'd like to do a bit of that.
Speaker:You're not trying to be them, you're just trying to copy something. So it's the
Speaker:modeling copy something that they're doing. But I think with
Speaker:success and achievement, it's so important,
Speaker:especially something like driving is be in your
Speaker:own lane, be happy with where you are. Don't feel like
Speaker:you've got to rush. Take your time. I'm sure, again, you would do
Speaker:that with them. But don't worry if your friend's already passed
Speaker:or you've taken so many times, it doesn't matter,
Speaker:because it's how and what you do
Speaker:that matters, and it's the efforts that you put in that is so important. So
Speaker:I think that's the only thing, really, that is so important,
Speaker:because we are obsessed with comparing ourselves and it doesn't
Speaker:always serve us. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker:Lovely. And then we're going to ask
Speaker:you another question, which is, if you can cast your
Speaker:mind back to when you were learning to drive, what did you
Speaker:find the most difficult? Interesting
Speaker:question. I'm trying to think it was quite some time ago. I'll tell you
Speaker:one thing I'd used to hate, and I don't think they do this anymore, but
Speaker:when they used to, you knew that the emergency stop was
Speaker:coming, but you didn't quite know when it was
Speaker:coming. And it was like, I remember that being quite scary,
Speaker:but I don't think they do that anymore, do they? Yeah, emergency stops. They
Speaker:still do that, right. Okay. My dad trained me really
Speaker:well to reverse, and I'm so grateful that he stuck
Speaker:at it, because I know getting into car parking spaces is something.
Speaker:But you know what? I think thinking back to
Speaker:driving, it wasn't driving the car, it was everyone else.
Speaker:That's what used to concern me the most, and I think that's probably still true
Speaker:today, having driven for I don't even want to say how long,
Speaker:but I think there is the unpredictability of other people. And
Speaker:I think experience comes from watching the road,
Speaker:doesn't it? Looking ahead, being able to guess
Speaker:ish what people are
Speaker:going to do next. And of course, that isn't one of life's
Speaker:bubba's questions. What is everyone else going to do next? We don't know, do
Speaker:we? So for nothing again, it's a bit like driving in your own lane.
Speaker:Get in your own lane, stick to that, whatever that is, whether that's you driving
Speaker:or that's you in life. And I think from there, you've got a
Speaker:chance to have it the way you want. Oh,
Speaker:yeah. That's a nice finish. Yeah, that's a lovely
Speaker:note to finish on. Thank you.
Speaker:Allison. Where can people find out more about
Speaker:you and listen to your podcast? So, a podcast
Speaker:launched only a little while ago. It's called Mental Wealth, the podcast
Speaker:to invest in your mind. And that's where I'm giving lots of little
Speaker:tips about how to get the best out of you, how to more confident,
Speaker:how to think about purpose. And I'm going to touch on mental health,
Speaker:because obviously, some of what we're talking about is a bit
Speaker:deeper than just people's minds worrying about something, so I think we need to
Speaker:respect that. I've also got them on all usual
Speaker:Instagrams and Facebooks and everything like that,
Speaker:and my website is WW
Speaker:TwoMinds co UK. And, yeah, if anyone hears
Speaker:this and wants to reach out and say hi, that would be amazing.
Speaker:Fantastic. And all of the links for those will be in the show notes, so
Speaker:everybody can find them in there. Brilliant. Thank you very
Speaker:much, Alison. It's been a pleasure talking to you. Same. Thank
Speaker:you so much for having me. And obviously, you're going to come and be a
Speaker:guest on my show as well sometime soon, aren't you? Exactly, yeah.
Speaker:Fantastic. Can't wait. Looking forward to it. Yeah. Thanks
