You have a handful of stories that you tell about your life. These stories like, "I am a single mom," or "I grew up poor," describe where you have been and how you got here. Where did these stories come from? In today's episode, I will help you create a definition of yourself that inspires you. This will be a deeply authentic and powerful definition that will propel you into all that is possible for you and who you want to be.

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Transcript

I often ask my clients to describe themselves.

OK – how about we take a moment right now while you pause this podcast and actively define who you think you are. If you are sitting, pause the podcast and write a paragraph. If you are driving, pause the audio and define who you are in your mind before proceeding.

Often you might say things like:

1. I am a wife, mom, a friend, a sister, a co-worker

2. I’m shy, quiet, reserved.

3. I’m often misunderstood, left out, overlooked.

4. People don’t think that I’m interesting. I’m boring.

5. I’m passionate about my work

6. I’m too quiet to be a leader

7. I miss opportunities because I tend to be reluctant

8. I need to lose weight

9. I am not confident enough or brave enough to go after what I really want.

When I then ask them to say what they love about themselves, they say:

1. I figured out an innovative way to do something at work and everyone loves it

2. I take the time to teach my team and now we have scaled that to our industry as a whole – I really feel like I am making a difference!

3. I inspired a whole group of women in the next generation to make a difference and it is exhilarating!

4. I’m a great listener.

5. I have a great work ethic, I’m loyal, observant, and fun

You may notice that the way you automatically describe yourself often leans toward the negative. As if you are holding yourself back. Yet – when you say what you love about yourself it almost directly counters the initial description. These are exact quotes from my real clients. This is just what our brain does to us.

The problem with the negative description we have of ourselves is that these thoughts turn into deep-seated beliefs. At some point, we begin to think that these thoughts we have of ourself are actual facts. We believe they are chiseled in stone. If you re-read the thoughts you wrote about yourself or listen to the examples from my real clients, you will see some of them are positive, some of them are neutral and many of them are negative. The problem with the negative thoughts is that as long as they are there and actively popping up when you are asked to “Define who you are,” then they are driving the feelings and the actions that should propel you forward. If you believe, deep down, that you are too quiet to be a leader, then you will feel stuck and will not take the actions necessary to move you toward that goal. If you believe deeply that people think you are boring, then the odds of you engaging with anyone in a meaningful way will be greatly diminished.

Where did these thoughts come from, and what can you do about them? In today’s episode, I want to help you create a definition of yourself that inspires you, a deeply authentic definition that will propel you in to all that is possible for you and who you want to be.

A lot of times, we decide what we are capable of and what it ultimately possible for our life based on where we have been in the past.

Here is an example of how I could tell my own personal story:

I came from a small town, I was raised by a single mom, I became a single mom again. It was a struggle, I thought I could never even own a house, but then I bought a small house. I thought, this is probably the best house I will ever have because it is the kind my mom and dad had when I was growing up. I better be frugal and not take any risks, because it could all fall apart at any moment.

*You can hear the words of that story – they are driven from scarcity and fear. This is a story of low expectations.

I came from a small town where I was taught to have a strong work-ethic and all the women in my family were educated in various ways and driven to succeed at their passion. They encouraged me to follow my dreams and to learn as much as I could. Later, I decided to enlist in the Navy, because I had a spirt of adventure and wanted to see what was in the world. Around the time I was 30, I was commissioned as a Naval Officer because I wanted an intellectual challenge, to make a bigger impact, and wanted to show my daughter what was possible. Since then, I have embraced challenge and opportunity. I love helping other people succeed, because I believe there is room for all of us and wake up every day, energized by where my path will take me next. My life is already better than I ever dreamed and this is only the half-way point.

*Do you hear the difference? This is a story that is driven from abundance and belief that there is enough for all of us.

Technically both stories are 100% true. 100% TRUE.

Which one do you think keeps me moving, growing, achieving, and trying to make an impact for you and my family?

You have a story that you have been telling about yourself. You probably have more than one. I used to have a whole collection of stories I told about me:

1. I am excruciatingly shy

2. No one will ever love me

3. Only people with degrees from an IVY league school or the Naval Academy can be an executive within my organization

4. I keep messing up my own life

5. I will always be poor

6. Drama is just a part of life

7. I can’t lose weight.

I now have new ways of telling these stories to myself:

1. Intorverts are the most powerful people on earth

2. I am overflowing in love of all kinds, from my husband, to my family, to my kids, to so many incredible friends.

3. I did become an executive in my current organization – so it is possible. If that is possible, what else might I do?

4. I keep finding new and bigger ways to make a difference.

5. I have created an abundance of financial security

6. Do to boundaries I have set and adhered to, there is essentially zero drama in my life. It’s crazy – but this one might be the one I honestly thought would never change. In many ways, it was the one that was the catalyst for changing so many of my other beliefs.

7. I just decided to lose weight and lost 15lbs. I simply decided I am a person who no longer lets sugar control me.

Now it is your turn.

Think about stories you have been telling about yourself and your life.

Do they make you sound like you are a victim in any way, or are they empowering?

Do they sound like you have already achieved the best life that is possible for you?

Here is the thing, here is the trick. If you can change the story that you tell about yourself into a story that inspires and empowers you – it will change everything. It will change your life.

Today I want you to take these actions:

1. Every day for a week, journal about how you currently define yourself – get it all out.

2. A week from now, review all the writing and pick out 3-5 themes that are reoccurring in your writing.

3. Make a point to rewrite your entire story by using a motivating version of the themes you discovered. Write a story that inspires, motivates and propels you into who you are fully possible of becoming. Include your family, your career, how your life will be in 10 years – create the life you want!

BONUS: When you rewrite your story, I would love it if you would send me a copy. Send it to me at [email protected]