Julie describes herself as very independent from her parents’ influences and drastically different than her older adopted brother. She tells the story of finding her birth mother thanks to open access legislation in Australia and the gentle influence of a psychic she visited for fun. When her birth mother shared that her birth father could only be one person because there were only two men in her life, it took a long time, a bit of disappointment, and some DNA investigation and luck to determine there had to be a third man. Listen as Julie tells her story of going back and forth across the globe from Los Angeles to Australia in search of answers.

Read Full TranscriptJulie:                           00:02               I remember that I was in an orphanage for the first two months of my life and I’m so physically connected to my children after I had them and they me and I couldn’t imagine not having them just to respond to their every need at every moment, especially in that first couple of months and I envisioned myself in this crib with, you know, I’m sure I had wonderful care with the nurses, but he, that I bond with and who responded to my needs on demand, what happened. So that kind of haunts me almost.

Voices:                        00:39               Who am I? Who am I? Am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon:                       00:50               This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis, and on today’s show is Julie. She called me from Los Angeles, but she was born and raised overseas until she was 15. She describes herself as very independent from her parents influences and drastically different than her older adopted brother. Julie tells the story of finding her birth mother. Thanks to open access legislation in Australia and the gentle influence of a psychic she visited for fun when her mother shared that her birth father could only be one person because there were only two men in her life. It took a long time, a bit of disappointment and some DNA investigation and luck to determine there had been a third man. Listen, as Julie tells her story of going back and forth across the globe. This is Julie’s journey.

Damon:                       01:48               Julie was born and raised in Melbourne, Australia. Her mom is an American and when Julie was 15 years old, they moved to the US, specifically to Washington state, leaving that fun Aussie accent behind. Julie’s always known she was adopted since before she truly knew what it meant. She starts off telling the story. Her mother always shares about the day they met.

Julie:                           02:09               My parents used to tell a story about the day they went shopping for me. They dropped my brother off at my, at my grandmother’s and went to the baby store and looked at all the babies in the crib and came across me and I was as wide as I was tall and I looked up and smiled at her and they decided, yeah, and truth be told. I’m sure I was the only one available to them that day. She likes to tell stories she likes to make it. Yeah. So, um, so as far as what it was like, I have a, I have mixed feelings about how to share this because it comes across sometimes as negative has been used against me in the past. Relatively normal childhood. I had two loving parents, I had a brother, I had extended family, you know, so everything was normal. I did have an overwhelming feeling that I didn’t belong and I couldn’t really express that and I didn’t know how to explain it to people around me. So it was always just kind of the itch that I had. Like why don’t I, why don’t I want to do that? Like them? Or why don’t they get that? I want to do this.

New Speaker:              03:32               Can you give me an example of what you mean?

Julie:                           03:35               They’re very conservative kind of by the book people, not especially outgoing or creative or artistic, I guess more sports minded, um, and I am the exact opposite of that. I have been singing, dancing and acting and making things since before I can remember. So I just wanted to create and dance and sing and what have you and my parents could not wrap their heads around my desire to do that because they had no desire to do that.

Damon:                       04:12               They thought it would be more beneficial for Julie to have hobbies that would actually benefit her in the future. They just couldn’t see how she could make a living singing, dancing, or being artistic. She says her family are some wonderful, extraordinary people. There was just a disconnect between them and herself that pushed her further down the path of curiosity about who she is and where she came from. She has one brother who’s a year and a half older than she and they couldn’t be any more different she says. They’ve been estranged for many years. He was also adopted, but the siblings are so opposite to one another that he all but denies his adoption, his wife and children didn’t even know when I asked Julie about how adoption was discussed in her family, she said she was the only one who wanted to talk about it, which clued her parents in that she’d likely want to search for her birth family. They did the very best they could answering her questions, and she always tried to be sensitive to her parent’s feelings on the topic.

Julie:                           05:09               I’ve always been very sensitive to the fact that what I’m doing may hurt them or may feel hurtful and in fact the only time in this entire process that I have been emotional, deep down, guttural emotional is when things had to do with my parents. For example, when I first connected with my biological mother 25 years ago, the first thing I did, I and I didn’t cry when I talked to her or when I spoke to her the first time,or when I met her the first time but what I did do with after I got off the phone, it was the middle of the night. I crawled into bed with my parents and I wrapped myself around. My mom just cried myself to sleep because I felt empathy for her, like I wanted her to know that I wasn’t trying to replace her and she was my mom, so that’s always been in my mind as much as we weren’t a fit, a good fit. I’ve always. They’ve always been my parents and will always be my parents

Damon:                       06:11               in Washington. Julie kind of lived in her own apartment. During her senior year of high school. Her father moved to Los Angeles to find more work in his field and her mother spent a lot of time there with him. They sent her money and her mother’s cousin came over to check on her from time to time. Julie says that setup is indicative of how independent she’s always been from her parents. Her brother moved back to Australia when he graduated from high school, but when Julie graduated, she moved in with her parents in Los Angeles. She was living with her parents in La when she found her biological relatives. In 1987, Julie made a trip home to Australia and on a whim she and her best friend visited a psychic. During the session. The person seemed to be making generalities about Julie.

Julie:                           06:58               I was waiting for something groundbreaking for her to say and nothing really happened however, at one point she said, so when did your parents divorce? I said, well, my parents are still together. They’ve never divorced, and she said, well, why do I keep getting two sets of parents? I said, well I am adopted and she said “Oh, that’s what it is, that’s why I’m getting two sets of parents” and then she went on to tell me that she believed that my mother was a very famous Australian actor. I should see her out and at that point I was like ‘Oh come on!’

Damon:                       07:41               The psychic session was turning out to be useless until the person told Julie about the adoption act of 1984. The Australian legislation granted adoptees access to their records and when her records arrived over a year later, they were completely identifiable. She had her birth mother’s name and address and her birth father’s name. She was eager to learn more about the people she came from and why she was placed for adoption. In the hobbes section, the document listed her parents’ interests like her father, his affinity for cars and mechanical hobbies, and her mother’s love of swimming, sewing and sports

Julie:                           08:19               and then there was kinda like a dot, dot, dot, like an ellipsis written much smaller, but as an afterthought it said singing and that was my Aha moment. I was like finally, somebody that I’m connected genetically connected to that likes using their voice at least as much as I do to where they would list it as a hobby.

Damon:                       08:50               Julie received the records from the methodist to babies home, the orphanage that she lived in for the first few months of her life in the early 80s. The babies home changed into the Copeland Street family center with a focus on reuniting families. When Julie returned to Australia the second time, after receiving her records, she went to the building where she spent the first days of her life.

Julie:                           09:12               When I went back to, you know, the next time I went back, I went and looked at the place and stood outside the gates and kinda stared at it for a while.

Damon:                       09:21               I can imagine. That must have been crazy. Yeah.

Julie:                           09:25               Yeah, It was… you know, after I had my kids, especially. I remember that I was in an orphanage for the first few months of my life and I’m so physically connected to my children after I had them and I couldn’t imagine not having them to just respond to their every need every moment, especially in that first couple of months and I envisioned myself in this crib with, you know, I’m sure I had wonderful care with the nurses, but who did I bond with who responded to my needs on demand? So that kind of haunts me almost.

Damon:                       10:04               Yeah.

Julie:                           10:06               I kind of feel like it almost explained a lot of my insecurities and feelings and you know issues that a lot of adoptees have.

Damon:                       10:14               Yeah, I could see that being true. I wonder too, if you feel that part of the reason you are so physically connected to your children is because you lacked that bond in the beginning, like do you feel like you are overcompensating as an adult kind of thing?

Julie:                           10:30               Oh, absolutely. I would say so. I was shocked when I had my daughter, how important it was for me to be skin to skin and my kids slept in the bed with me. I couldn’t have done it any other way and you know, it was such a strong. I was overwhelmed by the emotion I felt when I had them, especially my daughter the first time because I couldn’t… it never approached me the love that I would feel I would feel to them, and that’s what spurred me to move on to my, to completing my search and looking for my father.

Damon: