Picture this: it’s a regular Monday morning, and I’m mentally prepping to talk about resilience when I get a curveball—a call from my mom’s care facility. She wasn’t feeling well and needed to go to the hospital. Just like that, my day took a dramatic turn!

That’s life, right? We all experience storms, both the literal and the metaphorical, and today, I want to chat about how we can navigate those rough waters. We’ve faced countless challenges, and if you’re listening, you’ve already survived a ton. So, let’s explore how we can harness that resilience and come out on the other side, stronger than ever.

Today, I’ll share some practical tools that can help you strengthen your resilience, whether you’re in a storm right now or just want to be ready for the next one.

Takeaways:

• Resilience is about adapting well through life’s storms, both big and small.
• We’ve all been through tough times, and recognizing our strength helps us thrive.
• Aging teaches us valuable lessons about overcoming hardships and finding new perspectives.
• Stay connected with others; it helps us realize we’re not alone in struggles.
• Establishing routines can give us a sense of control when life feels chaotic.
• Practicing gratitude can shift our focus to the good even in tough times.

Links referenced in this episode:

• Join me for a complimentary 30-minute Discovery Call. We can talk about where you are feeling challenged right now, and you will leave with at least one suggestion to help get you back on the right path.
• Email me and let me know your thoughts about this topic: wendyey@boomer.biz
• Check out the WisdomAtWork: Older Women, Elder Women and Grandmothers podcast

Hello and welcome to Boomer Banter, where we have real talk about aging well, and I am your host, Wendy Green. And every week we have honest conversations about what it really means to grow older in today's world.

Navigating health purpose, relationships, caregiving, and everything in between. And today we're talking about something we've all experienced, hardships, storms, and the resilience we gain from these.

And I'm not just talking about the kind of storms that knock down trees and flood our basements, although I'm talking about those too. But I'm talking about the emotional, physical and life stage storms that shake us up and test our resilience. And here's the good news.

If you're listening to this, you've already survived many of these storms. Talk about what aging teaches us about how to weather these storms, to grow from them and to recognize how resilient we already are.

You know, it's interesting. I'm so talking about resiliency, working on this talk for today.

And at 5 o' clock this morning, my phone woke me from a sleep and it was the continuing care community where my mother stays, saying that they were there with her. She was not feeling well. In fact, she was feeling horrible and they were going to call an ambulance to take her to the hospital.

So I was awake and dressed and on my way to the hospital and was there until, I don't know, maybe 30 minutes ago when my brother came and relieved me. And it sounds like she's going to be okay, but she has been terribly uncomfortable doing better.

My point of telling you that story is here you go, Wendy. Here's your chance to practice a little resilience as you're getting ready to talk about it.

So the American Psychological association defines resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress, such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. And as boomers, we have adapted to many societal upheavals.

For me, in my memory, it started back with the Cuban Missile Crisis and then there was the assassination of John Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr. Robert Kennedy. And next came Vietnam and the civil rights movement and the riots that grew out of both of those.

And growing up in Miami, I remember being fearful of getting caught in a riot in my high school. But we coped, we adapted and we developed some resilience. Most of us also experience loss.

Remember your first love and how heartbroken you were when that ended. You thought you'd never get over that. But you did. We may have lost grandparents or even parents when we were younger.

My grandfather was killed just, I don't know, weeks, maybe not even weeks after I was married. He'd been on his way to get me a cookbook because my grandfather was the cook in the family.

And for a long time I felt guilty about this, that he was going to get me a cookbook. And eventually I had a mindset shift. He was doing this out of love for me. It wasn't my fault.

I learned to focus on the love he had for me and the gratitude I felt for having him in my life. Another resilience lesson. As we started our careers owning homes, we faced gas shortages.

Remember those gas lines and high interest rates for mortgages. When our kids started school, we didn't worry about school shootings. I don't think we did. But we did worry about bullies.

There are always stressors and traumas and losses throughout our lifetime. We're certainly seeing these daily. How we respond to those events has a direct impact on how we feel about ourselves.

And you know what, it even impacts our longevity. So what do some of these storms that we face look like as we enter our 60s, 70s and 80s?

Well, they're not that different from what, what we experienced younger, although there is some difference. So for instance, emotional storms, you know, we, we still experience grief.

There might be more of an experience of loneliness, although young people experience that too. We have depression or anxiety.

There are the physical storms, like the sudden illness that my mother experienced today, chronic pain, or an aging body that just won't cooperate like it used to. I know, I feel that.

And then of course, the natural disasters, the hurricanes and the fires and the floods, their identity storms, those that come with retirement, losing a long held role, realizing even sometimes when we look in the mirror or try on an old outfit that, you know, we used to feel really glamorous in or fun in, and we say, oh gosh, I guess I've changed more than I realize. And there are those societal storms. We all know about ageism, that's something we talk about a lot. The loss of services that we've kind of depend on.

Many of us experience difficulty accessing affordable health care, access to reliable transportation once we realize we shouldn't be driving like we used to. And the constant stream of bad news.

The thing about many of these storms, the emotional, physical, many of these storms is they don't always make headlines, but they do impact our lives. Sometimes we're just trying to put one foot in front of the other literally or metaphorically.

Either way, when I'm in that space, I try to remind myself, this too shall pass. And once it passes, I can tell myself with a pat on the back, wow, that was hard. And I made it through.

And that's what we are learning about resilience as we age.

A key ingredient to resilience is recognizing that what you've been through is significant and recognizing the importance of seeing how it has impacted you and recognizing that you may have been changed by going through that event. I think the important word here is recognizing we get stronger through the struggle and we don't always recognize the strength that we have.

If you take some time now after the show to think back over some of the hardships you've had in your life, I think you will be surprised at how well you handled some of those struggles over time. Recognize your own strength.

When older adults have higher rates of resilience, they're better at adapting to change and coping with health challenges.

For instance, as we face life transitions like retirement or loss of loved ones or physical limitations, resilience helps us adapt and helps us to find new meaning in life. As resilient older adults, we're better equipped to handle chronic illnesses and recover from medical setbacks.

I think I've told you the story of my dad. When he was terminally ill, he had kidney failure, copd and he still was smiling, waving at people, thinking about what he could write next.

He was coping with this place, he was this terminal illness and still staying resilient through the storm. He was a good role model.

Research shows us that high resilience later in life can help us achieve improved quality of life, better mental health and overall self perceived successful aging, despite the adversities we face. And I think that's interesting too, the self perceived successful aging.

Because many of us will go through similar crises and some of us will go or will say to ourselves, well, but mostly things are pretty good in my life.

And so we perceive that we are aging well and someone else going through the same crisis may say, h another hardship, here we go again, I never get a break. And they will perceive themselves as unlucky, not aging well, everything working against them.

So resilient or not being resilient can show itself that way. High resilience later in life can help us experience greater happiness, well being and satisfaction with life.

It can improve our resistance to stress and lower rates of depression.

And when we have high resilience later in life, we're more likely to experience positive physical outcomes like independence in activities of daily living, increased longevity, as I mentioned earlier, and faster recovery from illness. Aging gives us something precious. It gives us perspective.

We've been through breakups, job losses, personal losses, caregiving, parenting, health scares, and so much more. And each time we picked up a little wisdom along the way. It's your perspective of what that wisdom is that's going to count.

We picked up wisdom like how to ask for help, even if it took years for some of us to learn how to ask for help because we like being independent, but we learned sometimes we need to ask for help.

We learned how to focus on what matters and let go of what doesn't, and how to sit in the hard places, realizing that fixing them right away is probably not in the cards. And so we just adapt, accept where it is, and know this too shall pass.

I have met so many people through this podcast, in my coaching and in my personal life who have lived through incredibly tough chapters of their life. And they've come out the other side stronger, wiser, and more grounded. That's the beautiful paradox of aging.

It may take away some things, but it gives us that resilience, that perspective in return. So let's talk about how to strengthen your resilience, whether you're in a storm right now or you just want to be ready for the next one.

So here are a few tools I would recommend when you're in that storm. Anchor yourself in a routine. This is a, you know, longer term storm. Caregiving maybe, or the loss of a loved one.

So what do I mean by anchor yourself in a routine? When you're going through a tough time, everything seems out of control. Routines can give you back some sense of control.

It could be a consistent morning cup of coffee. Maybe you'd like to read a chapter in a in a prayerful book, in a happy book, something that makes you feel good.

Or maybe you like to put on some quiet music and just enjoy starting your day in a peaceful frame of mind. Maybe a routine might be a consistent check in with a friend, either by phone or in person.

Maybe a regular breakfast meeting or just a friendly call to know that you're not alone. If you're creative, maybe you spend time daily writing or drawing or playing music or taking photos.

While the world around you seems to be spinning out of control. Another tool is is to stay connected. And this is not always easy. I understand that if you're an extrovert, you get energy from being around people.

But even as introverts, isolation leaves us running through grim scenarios in our head, telling us how bad everything is or could be. So connecting with others may offer us some distractions from our concerns. It may help us realize that we're not alone. But how do you do that?

How do you connect? Well, please don't wait for someone to call you. We all have busy lives, and people you are close to may not realize that you're struggling.

Invite someone that you feel comfortable with to meet you for lunch. Or see if there's a class at your senior center or an Olli class. That sounds interesting.

Even a walk around your neighborhood, saying hello to the people you pass. You know, a little smile, little wave.

You may be surprised at the short conversations you have and find that they pick up your spirits just a little bit. And speaking of walking, move your body as much as you may not want to move.

When you are sad or scared or worried or angry or any other emotion you're feeling, I am here to tell you it helps. Used to be, when I felt one of these emotions, all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch under a blanket and suffer. I was sad.

I did not want to see anyone. After all, who would want to spend time with me anyway? When I was in such a down mood, I did not want to go anywhere.

I just wanted to stay in my pajamas and hope the world would leave me alone. And while these non actions may be tempting, they are not necessarily helpful. Go outside, get some natural sunshine.

Take a walk if the weather's nice, maybe do some gardening if that's something you enjoy. If it's a cold, snowy or rainy day, where else can you get movement? You could go to the gym, maybe the mall, just to walk.

Cleaning a closet, visit a museum. Movement, even gentle movement, sparks your endorphins, which flood your brain with feel good chemicals. And sunlight does the same thing.

So if you can combine movement with something outside, you're going to double the benefit and reflect on your resilience. Remember I said in the beginning, you know, we don't always recognize how strong we really are, what we've gone through.

I sometimes tell the story of sitting in a workshop, a workshop on gratitude and being unable to think of anything. I was grateful for this was during the time shortly after my father had passed and my second marriage had ended.

But I truly had a lot to be grateful for. I had two amazing children, I still had my mother, sister and brother, and I lived in a safe area.

I had a business that I loved, and I had survived a previous divorce. When my children were very young, I had picked myself up and moved several times and landed on my feet each time I put myself through school.

As a single mom, we each have instances where we have faced challenges and we came through them stronger, wiser, and still standing. And I know this is true because all of you are still here.

We don't get to our ages without going through some challenging times and Recognizing your own resilience is one of your superpowers. The final tool I want to mention for your resilience toolkit is mindset. Try to maintain hopefulness.

This is the light that guides us through darkness. How do you do that? Try setting small, achievable goals each day that can help maintain a sense of hope and purpose.

Simple things like make your bed, put the dishes in the dishwasher, throw away the old catalogs that have accumulated clutter and disarray blocks out a sense of control, leading to a feeling of hopelessness. Just doing some of these small, achievable things can begin to let the light back in and cultivate optimism.

It's seeing the glass half full even when it's challenging. Maybe keep a gratitude journal to regularly remind yourself of the positive aspects of life.

Or share a nightly talk with a friend or a loved one and share your gratitude for that day. Gratitude helps to foster optimism because you start to focus on what's good rather than what's gone wrong that day.

And finally, embrace positive thinking and emotions. This is like choosing to paint your world in bright colors.

Practicing mindfulness and focusing on positive moments throughout the day can help in nurturing positive thinking and emotions. And I'm not talking about what people today call toxic positivity. I'm talking about recognizing positive moments. There's that word recognizing again.

For instance, the other day I was running errands and it seemed like people were being especially nice and friendly. It was like, wow, what's going on today? For instance, when I was trying to merge onto the interstate, a car actually slowed to let me into the lane.

That's a rare occurrence. When I was unloading groceries into my car at Costco and I'd finished and I turned to return my wagon, a man kindly offered to take it for me.

Oh, thank you, I said and many people that I passed in, in the stores or while I was doing my errands, they just made eye contact and smiled for no particular reason. And when I got home I was like, wow, that was so nice. So many nice things happened today. Just notice, recognize and here's another one.

Give support and volunteer. This is one of my favorites because when we give to others, especially our time, we will generally get more out of that than what the recipient does.

Finding organizations that need volunteers is really not that hard. I put the query in Google where can I find volunteer opportunities? In Greenville, South Carolina.

And the very first thing that popped up, 35 organizations came up. Everything from health care opportunities, mentoring or teaching, mental health advocacy, tree planting.

Just about anything you might be interested in is available and probably in need of volunteers. AARP has a volunteer portal and closer to home, you may notice that a neighbor just recently had surgery and offer to fix them a warm meal.

Or you may have a friend that is caregiving for a loved one. Offer to give them a break by staying with their loved one for an hour or two so they can go get their hair cut or go to a doctor's appointment.

Giving of yourself can really help you feel better about your own situation. So I want to leave you with this. You have already survived 100% of your hardest days. You're not weak when you feel overwhelmed.

You're not weak when you're struggling through a storm. And you're not alone in those feelings. But aging doesn't mean we stop growing. It means we've had time to learn what really matters.

And we probably will have the opportunity to learn that again. So here's your gentle reminder. Today you are more resilient than you know. The weather may change, but your roots are deep.

You've bent in the wind before and you've always found your way back to the sun. The take home message here is that an accumulation of adversities throughout life has offered us opportunities for resilience.

It's built our confidence in meeting those challenges and thus it's improved the outcomes that we experience later in life. If you are in the middle of one of these storms and you'd like to talk about how you might get help to work through that, I am happy to talk to you.

You can schedule a complimentary 30 minute conversation and there's no expectation that you're going to sign up for anything. Just let's just talk. And I bet you will even get some good tips to move forward.

So schedule your 30 minute complimentary consultation at calendly.com boomer-banter 30 minutes and I will put that in to the show notes. Remember, you're not alone, so if this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. You can drop me an email at wendyeyboomer Biz.

You can also and this would be lovely Leave a Comment Wherever you're listening to this podcast, YouTube, different podcast apps on Facebook, LinkedIn, wherever you're listening to it, leave a comment and let me know what you thought and even share it with a friend. Because everybody can benefit by recognizing how resilient they already are.

And one more thing, I want to recommend another podcast to you by a woman who is part of The AgeWise Collective, that is a group that I started of women who are podcasting to people over 50 in various different topics. And this particular woman, her name is Ilana Landsberg Lewis and she is the host of Wisdom at Work. Older Women, Elder Women and Grandmothers.

And Wisdom at Work is not a podcast about work, it's about the wisdom we gain from the work that we do.

So here you'll find intimate conversations with fascinating older women, activists and artists around the world, sharing their wisdom and stories of triumph over adversity, sharing their creativity and how they tackle some of the world's most intractable problems. You can find Wisdom at Work wherever you listen to your podcasts or go to wisdomatworkpodcast.com thank you so much for listening.

I am so glad that I was able to join you today and I look forward to forward to joining you next week. Until then, stay grounded, stay curious and remember, you are more resilient than you realize. Thanks.