The Importance of Real Human Connection in the Workplace

Introduction:  In this episode, we explore the vital theme of real human connection and its profound impact on both individuals and teams. My guest, Lianne Weaver, shares her insights on the evolving landscape of workplace dynamics, touching on issues of disconnection, loneliness, and the changing nature of training.

Key Themes:

1. Disconnection in the Workplace:

• Lianne kicks off the conversation by narrating her personal story, shedding light on the pervasive issue of disconnection in the workplace.
• The discussion revolves around the importance of self-awareness and how individuals respond to it—whether it becomes a catalyst for personal growth or a barrier that keeps them stuck.

1. Responsibility vs. Fault:

• A crucial point emerges regarding the distinction between responsibility and fault. The conversation explores the concept of post-traumatic growth and the choices people make in the face of challenges.
• Lianne shares her expertise in guiding individuals on what to do once they become self-aware, emphasizing the development of resilience and anti-fragility.

1. Leadership Challenges:

• The conversation takes a closer look at the biggest problems in the workplace, with a particular focus on leadership.
• Sal & Lianne discuss what is missing in leadership and the root causes of workplace issues.

Personal Experience and Effects:

• The discussion delves into the personal experiences of individuals in the workplace, examining the effects of loneliness and disconnection.
• Lianne introduces the concept of personifying problems and highlights the role of connection in shifting focus from oneself.

Practical Solutions:

1. Demonstrate Don't Broadcast:

• A key takeaway for leaders is the importance of leading by example. The hosts discuss the impact of modeling behavior for others to follow.

1. Recovery Breaks:

• Lianne shares research findings on internal and external recovery, emphasizing the significance of mental rest along with physical rest.
• The discussion touches on practical strategies like recovery breaks and the importance of incorporating activities that induce a flow state.

1. Employee/Team Member Perspective:

• Sal & Lianne explore the perspective of employees and team members, advocating for self-reliance and setting firm boundaries.
• Attention residue is discussed, highlighting the challenge of being fully present and the importance of declaring a mental "shutdown" at the end of the workday.

Steps to Foster Human Connection:

1. Daily Human Contact:

• Sal & Lianne stress the importance of daily human contact, even if it's a brief interaction at a local shop.

1. Being Fully Present:

• Being fully present is identified as a critical factor in fostering real human connection.

1. Effective Communication:

• The episode concludes with a discussion on communication styles, urging listeners to reflect on their communication habits and practice the pause for meaningful conversations.
• Lianne's go-to strategies, "And then what?" and focusing on the breath, are highlighted as powerful tools to take actionable steps toward improving human connection.

A note on distraction.

• It takes an average of about 25 minutes (23 minutes and 15 seconds, to be exact) to return to the original task after an interruption, according to Gloria Mark, at the University of California, Irvine.

Join us in this thought-provoking exploration of why real human connection matters in the workplace and how we can actively cultivate it for a more fulfilling and productive professional life.

Get in touch with Lianne

Head to Lianne's website - Beam Training to learn more.

Get in touch with Sal

If this episode has caught your attention and you wish to learn more, then please contact me. I offer a free 20 min call where we can discuss a challenge your facing and how I may be able to help you

Welcome to Mindset, Mood and Movement, a systemic approach to human

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behavior, performance, and well being.

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Our psychological, emotional, and

physical health are all connected,

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and my guests and I endeavor to share

knowledge, strategies, and tools for

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you to enrich your life and work.

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hello and welcome.

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Today I have a guest, uh, Leanne who's

joining me to discuss something really

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important and very salient at the

moment, which is why human connection

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in the workplace really matters.

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Now, Leanne is, she does

a multitude of things.

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She's an author, a speaker, a trainer.

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She's worked with therapeutic work.

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Now she runs a company called Beam.

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Reset.

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It's a problem when you read stuff.

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All right.

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Resetting at 30 seconds.

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Hello and welcome.

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Today I am joining.

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It's like she just doesn't work.

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Okay, reset.

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40 seconds.

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Hello and welcome.

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Today, we are looking at why real human

connection in the workplace matters.

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I'm joined by my guest Leanne Weaver,

and Leanne is an author, speaker,

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trainer, and therapeutic coach.

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Now, she's the MD of BEAM training and

development, and they work with wellbeing,

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personal development, and coaching,

both for people and organizations.

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Now, Leanne's also an author.

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She's done some amazing books.

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Radical Self Care, Interrupting

Anxiety, Ten Steps to Less

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Anxiety and Stress at Work.

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So Leanne is a specialist in this

field and I'm really excited to talk

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to Leanne to get her perspective.

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And to share with you why human

connection in the workplace matters.

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This is such a salient point.

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Ever since the pandemic, as most of

us know, we've, we've shifted, things

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have shifted some for the better, some

for the worse, but one thing that both

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Leanne and myself are seeing is there's

a division sometimes in the human

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connection side between people and there

are issues that are coming up with this

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and we're going to cover these today.

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Let's welcome Leanne.

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to see you Leanne.

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Hey.

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Good

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Lianne Weaver: Sal.

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Thank you for having me.

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Sal Jefferies: Pleasure.

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Leanne, I would like to get some

context and understand, I know your

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work to some degree, but for for all

of us, can you take us a little bit

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deeper in how you're working with this

space of, you know, human development,

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personal development, and, and take

us a bit deeper into how you got here.

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Lianne Weaver: Okay.

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So, um, my journey, like

many people is really varied.

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So certainly if I look back

at kind of 18 year old me.

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She wouldn't have even imagined that what

I'm doing now was even an option, let

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alone, you know, me being able to do it.

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So I did a degree in educational

psychology, really loved understanding

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pedagogy and the human psyche.

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And at that point I thought

I wanted to do play therapy.

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So, working with children who were

struggling through the medium of play.

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I did a course on play therapy after I

graduated, but I got a mortgage at 18.

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So, I mean, that's kind of giving

my age away because, you know, you

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can't get a mortgage at 18 anymore.

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But it was in the glory days

of houses being much more

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affordable, and I bought a house.

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And I had a mortgage to pay, so

once I graduated, I also just

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needed to work and earn money.

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So I went into a finance company, and

they sponsored me to do a postgrad in HRM.

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So, really enjoyed that, enjoyed

again working with people,

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understanding what makes them tick.

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Did a lot of training as well.

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And I worked for an MD who I

can only really describe as...

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It's really inappropriate.

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He was every kind of ist that there was.

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This was kind of 20 odd years ago.

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And he took me for lunch one day and he

said, Leanne, you've got a really bright

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future here, just don't get pregnant.

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Yes.

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Sal Jefferies: that is, I

mean, to say inappropriate

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doesn't even cut it, does it?

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Gosh.

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Lianne Weaver: And as irony would

have it, little did I know at

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that exact lunch, I was pregnant.

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So I don't...

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Sal Jefferies: I'm chuckling

because it is a delicious

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irony, isn't It Like, how

did you deal with that?

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Lianne Weaver: kept it

quiet for quite a while.

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Um, was really kind of...

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I felt like I was in a

kind of no win situation.

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I was working sort of 14 hour days.

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It was all very career focused and drive.

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And I also had all of those

maternal instincts kicking in

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of, I want to be a mom and I want

to stay at home with my child.

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And, and so I decided that once I

had my daughter in my naivety, cause

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I was quite young, I thought, well,

I'll take a year out of work, and

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then after a year, kids are fairly

self sufficient, was my naive thought.

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So I did that and pretty soon

realized that that wasn't the case.

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And so I started to look

at going back into HR.

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In those days, the idea of

doing HR flexibly or from home

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was just, you can't do that.

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You have to be where the people are.

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It was very people centric.

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And so I.

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Thought, okay, well I need to walk

away from that career and just

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do something to bring money in.

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So for a few years, while my daughter

was little, I did things like telephone

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appointment maker and um, I held candle

parties where you buy loads of candles

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and you try and flog them to your mates.

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Anything really to just

bring in extra money.

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And then I thought again, my second bit

of naivety, once she goes to school,

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I'll be able to get back into my career.

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Once she went to school, she had 13

weeks holiday, they get ill all the time

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when they first start school, you've

only got 9 till 3 anyways, a window.

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So, that was the second kind of

turning point for me and I decided

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that I needed to retrain in a career

that would be much more flexible.

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And I did what I think most of us have

done at some point in our lives, and it

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usually backfires, is I did the sensible

thing, rather than anything my heart or

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my gut was telling me, and the sensible

thing was I decided to study bookkeeping.

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because I could be a bookkeeper

from home and work it around.

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I did that.

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I'm really good at learning, Sal.

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Like, I'm, I'm, I'm an avid learner,

avid reader, and I'm good at kind of

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absorbing and assimilating information.

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However, I hated doing bookkeeping but

I carried on and so I did the accounting

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technician exams as well and I became

an accountant and I set up a bookkeeping

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and accountancy practice and I would

have clients come into me and they would

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tell me about the argument they'd had

with their wife or the troubles they

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were having with their kids or the

worries they had with their money and

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I would sit for hours and help them.

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Which made me quite popular as an

accountant because I was really helpful.

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But it actually didn't make me popular

with a bank manager because that

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doesn't earn you money as an accountant.

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So I did pretty much everything I could

to avoid putting numbers in boxes.

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And I just wanted to be around people.

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That then, um, made me realise

that this just wasn't for me.

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I felt a real kind of

heaviness in my body.

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I could feel that I wasn't

doing what I meant to do.

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And I made a big life change in 2010.

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And I stacked away from

pretty much everything.

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And decided that I was going to retrain.

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And the thing that had always excited

me was understanding and helping people.

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So I retrained in, initially,

holistic therapies.

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So I did things like my Reiki,

um, I did aromatherapy, I did

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massage, things like that.

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And I set up a holistic therapy practice.

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And that holistic therapy practice,

I quickly realised that, again,

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people love talking to me.

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And I didn't particularly like

touching strangers and I much

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preferred talking to them.

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And so I started to

study talking therapies.

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So hypnotherapy, EFT, coaching,

um, meditation teacher.

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And I started to use that and I got

asked to go into companies to speak.

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And I did that and the first company

I spoke at, it went down really well.

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And then the man who'd organized

it came up to me at the end

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and said, that was brilliant.

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Do you run courses?

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And I went,

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Sal Jefferies: Of course I

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do.

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Lianne Weaver: And so he said, great.

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Email me details of your

courses when you get back home.

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I thought, okay.

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So I very quickly sent him

the brief of three courses.

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they were all going to be the same.

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He picked the middle one, obviously,

and invited me in and that was a

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six week course on resilience and I

went and I delivered that and it had

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amazing feedback and really positive

results and that basically just grew

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and over the last decade or so I've

I've grown that business from just a

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sole trader into a limited company.

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Last year we worked in 43

countries, delivering training

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in person, online and e learning.

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I still do one to one therapies as

well, I've learnt lots of additional

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therapies since then, so I use things

like Havening, a lot of breathwork

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as well, we love breathwork at Beam.

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And I brought my husband

into the business.

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So, um.

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It got to a stage in 2019 where

the business had grown quite a lot.

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I had some associate trainers, but I was

getting through a stage where I had to

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make a decision of, do I carry on training

myself or do I manage the business?

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And the training bit is

the bit that lights me up.

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Managing the business is like...

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I just need to do it.

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Tom at the time was a project

manager, his contract was coming to

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an end and I was thinking well this

kind of might be perfect timing.

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So he went from project managing

in construction to project managing

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at BEAM and then over the last four

years he's re skilled as well so he's

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an NLP practitioner, timeline coach,

breathwork, things like that as well.

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And so we, we run this

together and our mission is.

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It doesn't matter if we're having, you

know, a one to one therapy session,

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if I'm speaking to hundreds of people

on stage, the mission is always

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that we give people tools to help

them feel better at the end of it.

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Really practical tools, so the

books I've written are very

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tool focused books as well.

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Yes.

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Sal Jefferies: Wow.

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That's a, that's a,

that's a, what a journey.

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And thank you for sharing.

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It's really nice to hear because a lot

of my listeners will be some of the

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business owners and professionals, some

are kind of moving into that space.

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And it's so curious, isn't it?

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When we're younger or perhaps naive

for whatever reason that we don't

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know options are available and.

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and.

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we do the obvious things

such as go steady, be safe.

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And there's a place for that.

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Let's, let's not throw that out.

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But sometimes there's

that rub, isn't there?

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When something doesn't feel

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right.

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You're a bookkeeper and you want

to be working with people and, and

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intriguing your body spoke to you.

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I mean, I work with the body a lot in

my practice of personal development.

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what our body feels and says

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somatically and all those

sensations gives us feedback.

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It's so important we listen.

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Um, cause otherwise it can scream.

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So I'm delighted to

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Lianne Weaver: Well, I've had both.

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Sal Jefferies: Yeah, yeah, me too.

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And it's actually vital.

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Now, of course, that's given

you a beautiful eclectic

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understanding of people.

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It sounds like you're already

experienced with, um, An IST

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boss was, uh, quite negative, but as with

a lot of negative things, we learn, right?

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You learn, okay, that's not how you do

things, that's not how you conduct stuff.

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And people, uh, we vibe, literally, we

have vibrations, as you're probably well

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aware, and how we are resonating, our

mental state, emotional state, physical

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state, that absolutely impacts people.

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And if we don't take care of that...

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if our mind is one of fear, one of,

um, uh, selfishness, whatever that

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might be, that's going to affect

your colleagues, your, your team,

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your coworkers, whatever that is.

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And this is vital.

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Now, of course, you have so much

experience with, with delivering

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all these pieces of work into, into

organizations, into groups of people.

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When we think about human

connection, which is really what

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we're sort of pulling in here, you.

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Clearly have seen human connection is

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vital.

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Um, I wonder if you can give me an

example of when you've seen, uh,

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in more recent times following the

pandemic, where a lack of human

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connection, what, what's that causing?

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What are you seeing from that side of

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Lianne Weaver: I think that the challenge

is certainly since the pandemic.

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So if I just go back a

little bit to the pandemic.

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So when the pandemic hit, we had pretty

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And almost in 24 hours,

that just fell apart.

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as it did with many people.

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And for two months we just put loads

of free content out on our social media

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and newsletters just trying to support

people through what we thought at

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that point was a temporary situation.

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It soon became apparent

it wasn't temporary.

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And then we were the

busiest we've ever been.

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We had companies from all around the

world contacting us saying we need

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to support our employees, they're

working from home, they're isolated.

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And so we were doing training courses on

Teams and Zoom throughout the entire time.

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What I think I see now is now we've moved

into this sort of hybrid model of working

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and there, as you said at the beginning,

there's a lot of benefits with that.

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There's um, you know, I can do a call

and then I finish the call and I can go

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and put some washing out or I can be with

my dog or I can have a phone call in Sri

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Lanka but I'm sat at home in my slippers.

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You know, there's some real benefits.

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However, The biggest drawback that I

see is our lack of social connection.

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So what I'm seeing at the moment is

a lot of businesses are absolutely

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facing financial restraints.

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Um, that didn't seem to be as much of an

issue right in the middle of the pandemic.

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And so training, particularly in

what is still unfortunately termed

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soft skills, is one of the first

things that kind of gets devalued.

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And so a lot of companies that we've

worked with since the pandemic,

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I'm having them say to me things

like, well, we're going to just

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have an e learning module on stress.

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We're going to have an e learning

module on managing boundaries.

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And absolutely, we offer e learning and

there are real benefits to that, but what

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it will not do is give that person who's

struggling an opportunity to speak up.

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It will not give that person who's

struggling the opportunity to see

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other people are struggling as well.

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And so that kind of learning, whilst

it has its place in terms of heavier

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subjects like stress, anxiety,

confidence, imposter syndrome, can

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make people feel even more isolated.

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And so what we see from BEAM is that

there's unfortunately this movement

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from let's put employee well being

front and center to, well, you know,

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this is the way we're living now.

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Everyone has to manage

this hybrid working.

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And so it isn't seen as much as a

priority because the pandemic is over.

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So.

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Come on, get on with it.

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But actually, certainly from my

therapy room as well, what I'm seeing

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is people are feeling the impact now.

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The stress levels, the anxiety levels are

higher now than I have ever experienced

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through my career of doing this.

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And that's across the board.

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I have young people all

the way up to retirement.

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that are feeling that stress, and in my

experience, one of the biggest reasons

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that we will feel that stress and

anxiety is we've become disconnected.

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And the more time I have on my own,

the more I spend with my head, the more

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of a miserable place it's gonna be.

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Sal Jefferies: Yeah, I echo that.

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Uh, everything you've said there,

it's, it's, it's not a surprise to me.

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I know we work in slightly

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different perspective spaces.

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Uh, so mine is much more with leaders

and single individual coaching.

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Yours is much more groups, but

they're human beings, right?

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And they're delivering

something in some work context.

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So the similarity is still pretty close.

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And It seems, in my respect, to echo what

you said, that it's disconnection, which

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is, in some ways, is obvious, like when

we're, most of us are, we don't have to

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be a psychologist to know this, right?

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You don't have to, like, years and

years of trying to, where we feel

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disconnected, things don't work.

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We are meant to be connected.

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You know, if you fall out with a partner

or a family member, it doesn't feel nice.

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It's a simple example of that.

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And then if you work in an isolated

space, You are bang on to something, Leon.

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This is something I've seen with people

who spend way too much time in their

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head because they're highly intelligent.

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They have high cognitive

processing and that disconnect,

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what I'm seeing is from the head

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to the body.

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So some or from their emotions

to their beliefs and whatever

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those disconnects are.

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And it's causing a problem.

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I'm fascinated that you've seen something

which I've seen in a slightly different

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space, but how the effects of the pandemic

are actually sort of happening now,

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rather than right after, which is no

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surprise.

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You know, it's like the ripple

effect that, um, or you could

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even call it a global trauma

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effect.

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Yeah.

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And to, um, be clear on what I mean

by trauma, that something happened.

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We didn't feel control.

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Most of us felt helpless to some degree.

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And for a lot of human systems

that can trigger our nervous

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system into a trauma free state.

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Like I can't do anything.

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So I'm stuck.

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Now, I've seen the cases and you might've

seen it where we've seen post traumatic

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growth where people have really flourished

from this, but there's also then the flip.

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A lot of people have

really struggled with this.

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And if we are sitting.

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in front of a computer,

zooming it up all day, or

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um, whatever we're doing working

from a, say a remote work situation,

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that disconnects a big problem

and Yeah, it, it's gonna cause

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us health problems as well.

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That's another thing I've seen is

that if we are disconnected from

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other people, whether it's our

colleagues or family, we then start

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to become unwell and it's easy to go

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inwards.

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If you're a real big thinker, you're

just like, Oh, I'm not going to

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go out and I'm going to do this.

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And, and then we

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spiral and then we spiral.

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Now I'm curious.

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So that's.

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You know, alarming,

worrying, but we need to name

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it, right?

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What's, what's happening

where that's the other way?

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What, how, how you see impacts

on people you're working with?

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It's gone the other way and said

that we see this problem as well.

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What have you been able to do about

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Lianne Weaver: I think one of the

things, as you were talking there and I

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completely agree with you and it really

echoes, but one of the things that I have

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had conversations about with clients a

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which is where it was like, okay, this

is our new world now, we've got to

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kind of step into that, is I have, I

have clients who are incredibly self

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aware, so they know that they experience

anxiety because of this, they know

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that they're carrying trauma because

of this, and, and that information

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is, is really kind of, um, useful.

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to a point.

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So what, what I see is

two kinds of people.

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So I have clients who are incredibly

self aware and then they're taking

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action to grow, to recognize,

okay, this bad thing happened.

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Now what do I do with it?

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But I equally have clients

who are incredibly self

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aware, but there's no action.

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So what happens then is that

It almost becomes torture.

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It's almost better to be ignorant and

not have the awareness that you have

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trauma or anxiety than to have the

awareness and not know what to do with it.

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And so, working with clients,

particularly when I work with them

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on a one to one basis, first and

foremost, if someone comes for therapy,

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there's a level of self awareness.

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So, they, they kind of recognize

they're struggling, so.

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They have that.

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It's them recognizing, okay, so do

you have a toolkit and a desire and

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intent to move forward from this?

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Or actually, is this self awareness?

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Making you more miserable and

driving you to almost have

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excuses for your lack of growth.

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And what this comes down to is a phrase

that I use so often in therapy, is

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we have to recognize the difference

between fault and responsibility.

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So all of us have had terrible

things happen throughout our lives

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which absolutely are not our fault.

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And the pandemic is a

great example of that.

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It's not our fault.

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We experienced that pandemic.

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It's not our fault that we

might have had bad parents.

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It's not our fault that we might

have been in an abusive relationship.

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However, if we stay in the mindset

of, well, I'm like this because this

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happened and it wasn't my fault.

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We are going to stay a victim

to that experience, potentially

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for our entire lives.

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If, however, we have the ability

and the awareness to say, this bad

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thing happened, it's not my fault,

but it's my responsibility to

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decide what I do with it now, that's

when we get post traumatic growth.

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That's when we see amazing things

happen, and people really kind

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of rising from the ashes and...

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It goes beyond resilience, it becomes

this anti fragility, you know.

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Resilience is I can take quite a

few bashings before I get broken.

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Anti fragility is actually the more

you bash me around, the stronger I get.

411

And so that is the, the two

kinds of, um, mindsets that I

412

definitely see on a regular basis.

413

Sal Jefferies: So my question to you

here is what makes them different?

414

Lianne Weaver: So...

415

I think partly it's

knowing what to do next.

416

So I would say the bit where Beam

definitely always tries to support

417

people, whether that's in corporate,

whether it's individuals, is sometimes

418

we just don't know what tools we

need once we've become self aware.

419

So if I'm aware that I have anxiety

because this bad thing happened 10 years

420

ago, but then I have no idea what to

do with that, then I'm just aware of it

421

and I'm still carrying it every day and

it's still a frequent part of my life.

422

If, however, you can become tooled up.

423

And learn a plethora.

424

I mean, I, I can't even imagine over

my years of studying and reading

425

how many tools I have access to.

426

And I have learned through my

own experience that this tool

427

that works really well today

might not work so well tomorrow.

428

So we need to be really kind

of flexible and have that.

429

That is what I see in the

difference, which I could kind of

430

sum up in, it's the resourceful

people that become anti fragile.

431

Sal Jefferies: Yeah,

that's so interesting.

432

That's really, really interesting.

433

Now, I'm very, very self aware.

434

I'm also an incredibly

sensitive human being.

435

I'm actually a very strong human being

and because we sometimes were labeled

436

sensitive, uh, with negative connotations.

437

So let's use a different word.

438

So highly responsive.

439

I have a highly responsive nervous system

to what happens within my mind and body

440

and what happens in my environment around

me, which means Uh, I have to be super

441

mindful of what I'm doing because that

makes you very good as a coach because

442

I can really dial in with people.

443

It makes it really difficult in

certain scenarios like busy spaces,

444

lots of, um, visual content, stuff

like that absolutely overwhelms me.

445

So we have to be mindful, don't we,

about the different types of people.

446

Self awareness is the first step.

447

Um, understanding the

distinction between fault.

448

Blame, let's say, the victim archetype

one can take, and then responsibility,

449

understanding, and a desire to move

forward, perhaps, whatever archetype

450

we're going to call that, you know,

the person who takes action, the

451

person who, who chooses to change,

what I find really interesting, and,

452

and, and a bouncer phrase to you,

um, I see psychological homeostasis.

453

So homeostasis is our body's natural

state that it rebalances and you

454

know, the blood chemistry and all

that keeps it, keeps it steady.

455

What I've noticed is that a lot

of people can get in psychological

456

homeostasis and it becomes our identity.

457

You know, I've got anxiety,

which by the way is incorrect.

458

There's no such thing as anxiety.

459

It's an experience.

460

It's a moving.

461

Neurological, Psycho, Immuno,

Psycho, Neurological, Immuno,

462

Biological, Biological thing.

463

It's all this stuff going on, but

actually if we start labeling like

464

I'm an anxious person or um, you know,

uh, I'm a stressed worker, we start

465

to become an identity connection or

have an identity connection to it.

466

And I do wonder if this is some of the,

some of the stickiness of these problems

467

that I see with when, when helping people

with change and maybe you'll see them.

468

So if we've got someone who's.

469

Who, who's not the resourceful

one who's coming to you or your

470

organization or coming to me and say,

Hey, look, I need to work on this.

471

What about the person or leader

who's, who knows there's anxiety,

472

knows there's stress, knows there

are problems, but isn't shifting?

473

How would you address that?

474

Lianne Weaver: So, I think, first of all,

your point about sort of personifying

475

a condition, it's something that I

tell people so often, we're so quick

476

to sort of talk about my anxiety,

my stress, and as soon as you take

477

ownership of it, Now I have to care

for it, now I have to have it, I have

478

to feed it, I have to look after it.

479

And so, I completely agree with that

and, you know, I'll often explain to

480

clients, you know, our emotions are

electrochemical reactions and our brain

481

can get addicted to the same thing.

482

So if every morning I wake up

and I get a hit of anxiety, well,

483

all my brain cares about is that

I'm alive at the end of the day.

484

So if I've survived yesterday...

485

Then it makes sense for my brain

to give me a hit of anxiety

486

today, so I can survive today.

487

It doesn't care if that makes

me miserable, or unhappy, or

488

stressed, or uncomfortable.

489

It cares that I'm alive

at the end of the day.

490

So, um, kind of recognizing that cycle

and that addictive pattern of, of

491

those emotions is really important.

492

So I just wanted to pick up on that.

493

In terms of, um, sorry, go

back to your question, Sal.

494

Sal Jefferies: Yeah.

495

So when we, when we sort of call that

out, that can be happening for many of us.

496

So we don't want to start

saying this is right or wrong.

497

This simply

498

is, if this

499

is what's going on for you and you're

like, Oh, that sounds familiar.

500

You know, I'm having anxiety.

501

I am stressed.

502

Uh, I've got issues at work and within

my business, but I'm not doing anything.

503

And I think there's the rub is it's the,

but I'm not doing anything to change this.

504

So.

505

When we think about human connection,

so understanding how we function, of

506

course, absolutely vital, but human

connection, how does that play in?

507

So some of the work you've, you've

been doing with your training and

508

bringing people together and the things

you've been doing, how does the human

509

connection side then address this,

perhaps this sticky point that we

510

may need to

511

Lianne Weaver: I mean, in the most

simplistic form, when we are connected

512

to other humans, we're not focused

on ourselves as much . So, you know,

513

when during, um, the pandemic Tom and

I created, um, a movement called the

514

Social Medicine, which was specifically

designed to help people who were

515

experiencing loneliness, and we ran

free events and things like that for it.

516

When I talk to people about loneliness and

I did speeches on it and things like that,

517

essentially I can sum it up in one thing.

518

The antidote to loneliness

is help someone else.

519

That, that's it.

520

That's what it needs.

521

If I say the antidote to being hungry

is eating a bit of food, the antidote

522

to loneliness is helping someone else.

523

So the second we are not so

insular and isolated, and we

524

have to consider the needs of the

tribe, if you like, the community.

525

Then I'm not sat thinking about what's

wrong with me, what's going on in my head.

526

Oh no, I've had more negative thoughts.

527

What about that problem?

528

Could it get worse?

529

I'm now considering the whole.

530

So simply, you know, from, if

we look at, say, a workshop,

531

absolutely, we, we'd still do the

majority of our training online.

532

Because that's the world that we're in.

533

But the difference in when we get

the people in the room, And they look

534

at each other and they're more open

to asking questions and more open to

535

saying, Yeah, I know what that's like.

536

When we're running workshops with people

and they're physically in the room.

537

Something so much more amazing happens

because people are looking at each

538

other's faces so even looking across

to your colleague and seeing them nod

539

at a point is reassurance that I'm not

alone, someone else feels like that.

540

People are far more likely to

interact and ask questions in

541

the room rather than online.

542

So you hear another colleague say, oh

I've been struggling with stress and...

543

This is what helps me.

544

We get the opportunity

to share best practice.

545

I'm there as the facilitator and the

trainer, but there is a wealth of

546

experience in every training room I'm

in, and getting people to share that,

547

getting people to understand behaviors.

548

If we take stress, for example, whenever

I train on stress, I talk about our

549

five key stress responses, which are

faint, freeze, fight, flight, and fawn.

550

And then I transfer those into

how that looks in the office.

551

So, okay, we don't tend to faint

that much, but freeze looks

552

a lot like procrastination.

553

Fight looks a lot like that difficult

person that just won't help you.

554

Fawn looks a lot like people pleasing,

and flight looks a lot like avoidance,

555

the person who phones in sick or has

all of a sudden got an emergency.

556

And when you start to...

557

Have these conversations in a room

full of people, you can all of a sudden

558

recognise that that colleague that

has perhaps been driving you crazy

559

because they're always procrastinating,

needs a bit of help and support.

560

They're actually stressed.

561

That colleague that drives you crazy

because you feel like they're a creep

562

and they're always people pleasing.

563

is actually stressed.

564

And those sorts of conversations

are a lot harder to have when

565

we're having them online.

566

It's a lot harder for

us to, to be that open.

567

Sal Jefferies: Yeah, that's, that's

lovely, really lovely, lovely

568

articulation of both those neural states

that we go through and perhaps those

569

what, what that actually looks like.

570

And, you know, for me, some of

this feels like it's pulling

571

the veil down, doesn't it?

572

Rather than the label.

573

And you've already named this

earlier about, you know, labelling.

574

Labelling can either box

you in or set you free.

575

And, and there are various

reasons why that happens, but

576

I can't do this because of X.

577

It means you've labelled and boxed in.

578

I have this condition, or I feel

stressed when, but I need Why?

579

That sets you free

because you understand it.

580

But what you've described there

was really, uh, I think really

581

poignant because if you're trying

to understand it in the context of,

582

well, what's it like in my workspace?

583

What's it like with my team?

584

Then it becomes not a label.

585

But a processor.

586

Oh, so that person keeps saying yes to

everything, but they're not delivering.

587

Maybe they're fawning a

588

bit.

589

Maybe we should have a chat to

them and say, Are you all right?

590

You know, you're under it at the moment.

591

And of course, there's that

distinction about opening up

592

the connection, isn't there?

593

That allows connection.

594

For me, it feels like it

creates permission because it

595

creates the conduit to happen.

596

We are, um, I mean, I love remote

communications because it allows us

597

to do so many things, but we have

to see the short side of this stuff.

598

When we're in a room with someone, of

course, we have more peripheral vision.

599

You see out the corners of your eyes.

600

We see body language, you know, whether

it's a tapping foot or someone breathing.

601

And even if we don't know, on some

level our brain registers micro

602

expressions and all this kind of stuff.

603

So, if we run a low resolution

screen with a bit of a head,

604

a floating head, then it's

quite hard to do that.

605

And I think this is one of the

things where we need to be very

606

careful, whether we are a trainer,

Uh, whether we are a company or a

607

leader, getting people in the space of

608

growth and understand why we have

problems such as the classics, stress,

609

pressure, burnout, overwork, all

the things that people are having

610

to deal with, which are negative.

611

Then realizing that as simple

as it sounds, isn't it a simple,

612

but we need to get together.

613

We need to have a

614

conversation and be in a room.

615

Maybe you feel someone's

skin by shaking a hand.

616

Um, literally hear the reverberance of

voice around the room, this sort of stuff.

617

And it's easy to forget, and I think

it's easy to forget, and I really

618

want to get your view on this.

619

I've got, uh, I'll alias this person, Joe.

620

Joe runs a media company,

uh, super successful.

621

They have a whole lot going on, and she

has a bunch of fellow directors as well.

622

They have so many pressures, and in

my coaching space, it's like unloading

623

that stuff, working it through.

624

One of the biggest things

is there's no time to think.

625

There's no space and of course in

a coaching capacity or a training

626

capacity, hopefully that that

person has space and and it.

627

And I hold up the mirror.

628

I'm just like, look, you're

running a hundred miles an hour.

629

And that's great.

630

You know, if you want to build

this business, you're going

631

to have to go at it hard.

632

But if there is no space to literally

breathe, to think, to process, and

633

you're the leadership, you run this ship.

634

How do you think your team of how,

how do you think that's all going?

635

And of course they have remote people and

all over the place and they have problems.

636

They have disconnect in

their, in organization.

637

And this particular person

is doing very, very well.

638

bringing connection back

because they're bringing social

639

events back.

640

They're bringing connection.

641

So getting people back into the

office for even a day a week.

642

Um, so that's something I've seen for

one of the leaders I coach around how

643

they're making changes with connection.

644

Now we've spoken a little bit

around the context and stuff.

645

If I let's get a viewpoint from a

leader's perspective and perhaps, uh,

646

uh, an employee or team perspective,

because I think wherever we sit in

647

that space, it's good to see the other.

648

If you're.

649

If a leader comes to you and says look

we've got a whole bunch of challenges

650

with my team, my business and stresses,

the things you've already spoken of,

651

how or rather what to start making the

changes, you know, whether it's the type

652

of training, the type of conversation,

what's the first step you would, you

653

would encourage them to do and to

654

Lianne Weaver: So the very first step

I'd get them to do is similar to what

655

you just said with your example in

that a phrase again that I use quite

656

often is demonstrate, don't broadcast.

657

So it's all very well if the leader is

saying, right, we need to connect, we

658

need to do this, you need to like take

some well being time off or whatever.

659

But if we're not demonstrating

that as a leader.

660

Then, we're human beings, we

mimic behavior, we do what

661

people do, not what people say.

662

So, Demonstrate Don't Broadcast is

something I learned years and years

663

ago, it's something I try and live by.

664

When you, um, are going through any

sort of change or personal development

665

or growth, our tendency is to try and

drag the people we love along with us.

666

And say, I found this amazing

thing, you need to do it too.

667

And one thing most of us hate is someone

telling us that we need to change.

668

Sal Jefferies: Tell

669

us what to do, absolutely.

670

Dude, don't tell

671

me what to do.

672

Lianne Weaver: So, but

if you just show people.

673

So, something that I talk

about a lot is recovery breaks.

674

So, for example, with that,

um, Joe that you talked about.

675

So, there was research conducted by

someone called Sean Acor in the States,

676

and they found that, almost without

exception, people that reached clinical

677

burnout didn't take recovery breaks.

678

However, when people take

recovery breaks, they can produce

679

and persist so much longer.

680

than someone who doesn't.

681

And it's defined in two ways.

682

So a recovery break is internal

recovery and external recovery.

683

So internal recovery is working with our

ultradium rhythms, which is the kind of

684

energy and pattern of our brainwaves.

685

And our brains can only perform at a

maximum level for about 90 minutes.

686

And after 90 minutes we become

sluggish, forgetful, it's just harder.

687

They found that if we take even something

as short as a 3 5 minute break every

688

90 minutes, where we use our brain in

a different way, so we perhaps step

689

away from the computer and we do some

breathing exercises, or we play with the

690

dog, or we even play in a game on your

phone, you know, something totally that

691

is using your brain in a different way.

692

When we come back, we're refreshed

and we're able to produce more

693

and produce better quality.

694

And then there's um, external recovery.

695

And external recovery is taking

a 60 to 90 minute break at the

696

end of a mentally taxing period.

697

And so if, for example, you've had a

really challenging day at work, It's

698

having 60 to 90 minutes to decompress, so

essentially it's anything that gets us in

699

this wonderful flow state, so exercise,

music, creativity, cooking, gardening,

700

anything that gets us into that flow state

where we're using our brain in a different

701

way, gives us the opportunity to recover.

702

And to recharge.

703

And I think one of the things that I

see in all people, not just leaders,

704

but certainly those leaders that

feel the demands and pressure is

705

they think that rest is recovery.

706

And rest is not recovery.

707

So they've had a challenging week and

so they decide to just lay on the sofa

708

watching Netflix all weekend, you know,

and it comes up with that message checking

709

you're still alive and you're just like,

yep, another box set, another box set.

710

The problem with that is that's physical,

because I can be laying on the sofa

711

watching box set after box set, but

that doesn't mean my brain is resting.

712

I'm physically resting.

713

Recovery is about mentally resting.

714

So it's about using our brain

in a different way that gives

715

it the opportunity to just, it's

kind of like doing exercise.

716

If you go to the gym and all

you do is squats, you're going

717

to do more harm than good.

718

It's using different parts of the brain.

719

So I would say demonstrate,

don't broadcast.

720

And the first thing you demonstrate

is taking recovery breaks and

721

encouraging your team to do that.

722

Sal Jefferies: What absolute gold.

723

I mean, it's absolute gold.

724

Uh, I too have studied the, um, ultradium,

circadian, all the rhythms of the body.

725

And I, I basically do a coaching

process with, uh, time and how to be

726

most effective with some of my people

I coach, because we have these rhythms.

727

But to echo what you said, It was Dr.

728

Ernest Rossi.

729

I studied under someone who studied

under him and he did a lot of work

730

in this in the therapeutic context

and noticed that most people

731

benefit from a 90 minute session,

not an hour in coaching or therapy.

732

He was particularly around therapy and

our brain actually goes into the waves.

733

So if you're interested in brain

waves, they actually change

734

into a almost trance y state.

735

So this is an absolute must.

736

And I'm just going to push this forward

because if we're doing a back to

737

back meetings, back to back sessions,

and we haven't had a recovery break,

738

the system doesn't work that way.

739

And you can't beat the system

because it will break, and the

740

system is your brain and your body.

741

Don't try and beat it, work with it.

742

That's again, I would echo that.

743

That's starting to reconnect as well.

744

That, and the theme of reconnection,

that's finding reconnection.

745

And, well, my go to is movement.

746

Yeah, okay, I move all the time,

I push this, I'm like, look,

747

everyone's gotta move because

of all these different things.

748

Um, but if we are in our head

a lot, if you are very...

749

analytic, cognitive person.

750

If you have a knowledge worker, if

you're a knowledge worker of sorts, and

751

a lot of people I've worked with are,

and you know, we're doing knowledge

752

work now into some degree, shift your

awareness and your experience and

753

your energy into a different work.

754

So nothing beats, and I love doing

heavyweights and something like that,

755

nothing beats going into the body and

working there or connecting there.

756

And you're right, you know, disconnecting

with whether it's alcohol, whether

757

it's TV, you're still being stimulated

758

mentally.

759

Yeah, so basically it's, it's like

trying to put the fire out with

760

petrol.

761

Bad idea.

762

Yeah, don't do it.

763

So they're really good thing.

764

And so interesting that statement

about demonstrate don't What was it?

765

Please remind me of your phrase?

766

Demonstrate, Demonstrate, don't broadcast.

767

Beautiful.

768

So, so important.

769

Because for me, that's about self

leadership and self connection.

770

If you are a leader and you are

not modeling or demonstrating,

771

as you said, what to do and how

to do it, how can you expect your

772

colleagues and your team to do it?

773

You know, this is responsibility,

which you said a little while ago.

774

This is responsibility number one.

775

Love that.

776

Perhaps we could turn our lens of

attention on to if you're an employee

777

or team member of some kind and Perhaps

you're not at C suite or leadership level.

778

What's the experience like for that

that person or these people and

779

How can we build connection that

human connection in that space?

780

Lianne Weaver: I think one of the

biggest things that I would come to

781

there is embracing self reliance.

782

I think a lot of us have

given our power away.

783

whether that's with our physical health or

our mental health, in expecting, well, if

784

it breaks, I can take a tablet to fix it.

785

Or if there's a problem at

work, I can go to HR to fix it.

786

And of course we have those systems

in place when we really need them.

787

But a lot of the time, we

have the solutions within us.

788

So instead of waiting for permission

to take a break, Set those boundaries

789

in place that this is what I do.

790

I, I do not have my lunch at my desk.

791

I, I always finish by XPM.

792

And setting those, we, we run a course

on, um, home and work boundaries.

793

And we talk about how, um, I don't know

if you've read Cal Newport's Deep Work.

794

It's a brilliant book.

795

Really, really good book.

796

And he talks about

setting firm boundaries.

797

And when he finishes the day...

798

He literally has a shutdown process,

which is, he writes, um, a to do

799

list ready for the next day so

everything's out of his brain.

800

He writes that to do list, and then

the very last thing he does is he

801

shuts down his computer and out

loud he says, Shut down complete.

802

So there's this constant

trigger that that's it.

803

I'm not stepping away from my computer

and then picking up my phone to

804

check my emails in an hour's time.

805

I'm not stepping away from my computer and

eating a meal with my kids and thinking

806

about the project I've got to do tomorrow.

807

It's having that all

on, all off mentality.

808

And one of the biggest...

809

impacts of stress in the workplace

is this kind of attention residue

810

that we're never all on or all off.

811

And working from home particularly,

whilst I see loads of benefits,

812

it has that negative of if I'm sat

here and I'm working, But then I'm

813

thinking, well the sky's cleared

up, I could put some washing out.

814

As simple as that little thought

is, it's not causing me stress,

815

it's taking my attention away.

816

So now I have a bit of

attention on my washing.

817

So I'm not fully on with my work.

818

And so again, going back to these 90

minute cycles, what's useful is to say,

819

right, for 90 minutes, my phone is out

of the way, I'm focusing on this, and

820

then I'm going to give myself a break.

821

And you will get so much more done.

822

in a much healthier way than

if you're zipping in and out.

823

Equally, how many of us will have

finished work and we're with our

824

family, we're doing something enjoyable,

but we're thinking about what we've

825

got to do the next day with work.

826

So we haven't got full attention on

our downtime as well as our work time.

827

Sal Jefferies: Wow, yeah and Attention.

828

I'm thinking about human connection.

829

I think about, you know, the kind

of strategies and practicals, but

830

what you've just said has given me a

831

shiver because if we don't have our

attention with our colleague, our

832

coworker, um, or at home with our partner

or friends, whoever that be, then we don't

833

have connection.

834

It's, it's like the basic,

uh, constituent part.

835

So we could be in a room together.

836

Uh, and sadly in today's world, a

lot of people in a room together

837

staring at a phone.

838

You know, so they've sold their time

and attention to a tech company,

839

which is essentially what we've

done, you know, we've handed it

840

away for free, which is curious.

841

Unfortunately, it's addictive, it's

cultural, and that's a whole other

842

podcast, but if we don't have our

attention clean and clear, and you've

843

got that attention residue, as you

say, then we are already compromising

844

human connection because of that.

845

And, and I think it's really nice,

isn't it, to see those processes and

846

what those things do and how the impact

of, oh, I'll just quickly check email.

847

No, be with your colleague, go

have some lunch, have a cup of

848

coffee or talk about a project.

849

Don't talk about project and email.

850

It's really curious how we need attention

first and foremost to then make the

851

glue between people come together.

852

So that's, that's a really,

uh, I think such a vital point.

853

Easy to forget

854

Lianne Weaver: And we're all guilty of it.

855

You know, there was one study and it

suggested that even just looking at your

856

phone, so it beeps and you just look at

the screen, you haven't touched it, you

857

haven't picked it up, it takes 24 minutes

to get back into that flow that you were

858

Sal Jefferies: I've seen the study.

859

Yeah,

860

it's crazy, isn't it?

861

Uh, I know if, if you, if

anyone is who's just like, what?

862

So, uh, I'm just trying to

remember which university it is.

863

Um, it could be Berkeley.

864

Anyway, we'll, we'll find it and we'll

put it in the show notes, but it's, it

865

was 23 minutes and something seconds.

866

So let's round up 24 minutes.

867

24 minutes.

868

I don't have 24 minutes to give

away to something unhelpful.

869

Like, I don't know, let's say an

Instagram alert or whatever it is

870

unhelpful or someone is coming in because

you haven't got boundaries, then that

871

starts to put a wedge, doesn't it?

872

A divide between our attention and

then between our human connection.

873

So human connection needs,

for me, it needs attention.

874

It needs focus.

875

You need to be present with another person

or all your people, whether you're you

876

know, leader or team, it doesn't matter.

877

You need to be

878

present first and foremost to be

fully in the room on that level.

879

Now, I'd love to get your, your thoughts,

because there's a lot we've covered here.

880

There's a lot of some strategies,

some, some key salient points that are

881

go tos that we need to have in place.

882

Once those are in place, what,

Let's say the most practical steps.

883

What can someone go away and do

and if you're thinking if you're

884

whether you're leader or team, right?

885

We know human connection works.

886

We know we feel better

and we know the opposite.

887

What would you suggest there?

888

What's the some of the steps that

the people can start thinking?

889

Yep, if I make sure this goes in my

diary and I do it this will bring

890

human connection and a better working

891

environment

892

Lianne Weaver: definitely making

sure you have some human contact,

893

real contact, even if that's going

to your local shop, you know,

894

some real human contact every day.

895

So it's not just this digital contact,

that you can look someone in the eye,

896

you can, you know, if it's a friend or

something, you can give them a hug or

897

shake their hand and, and have that.

898

I think also going back to

that attention and presence.

899

Giving people the gift

of being fully present.

900

Now, of course, if it, that is

something that we need to bring

901

into work, but actually it's

something we need to bring into home.

902

How many of us are with our spouse or

our kids and we're looking at our phone

903

or our head is just somewhere else?

904

And we can create boundaries and rules

with the phone and kind of have it.

905

Certain times where it is not in our

vicinity and not where we would be

906

tempted to glance at it, you know, having

it, again, there's another study where

907

even just having it face down on the

table doesn't go off, nothing happens.

908

You don't concentrate as much on your

conversation as if it was out of sight.

909

Um, and then thinking about, well, what

kind of person am I to be connected?

910

What kind of communicator am I?

911

Most of us are really terrible

listeners, and I'll frequently tell

912

people hearing isn't listening, so most

of us unfortunately listen with the

913

intent of replying, so I managed to get

human connection, and I bump into you

914

Sal, and I say, how was your weekend?

915

You say, I went for a lovely meal.

916

And before I've even heard

what you say after that, I

917

think, Ooh, I went for a meal.

918

I'm going to tell him about that.

919

And so I'm instantly having a

conversation with myself instead of you.

920

Um, when I, there's a course I do on

communication and one of the final

921

exercises we do in there is that.

922

a person has to say a sentence and the

next person has to use their last word

923

as their first word so they fully listen.

924

So you're not constructing

your reply because you have no

925

idea where it's going to go.

926

And just challenging yourself.

927

Now a way that I often teach that is using

a therapeutic term and the therapeutic

928

term is that you practice the pause.

929

So, as a therapist, usually someone

will come into my therapy room and

930

I'll say, So, how are you doing?

931

And they give me the stock reply

that they've given everyone else.

932

Which is, Yeah, not bad.

933

Or, Fine, thanks.

934

Yeah, it's pretty good.

935

That's the stock reply.

936

Now, if they really were pretty

good, then the chances are

937

they're not coming for therapy.

938

If I was terrible at my job,

I could then go, Oh, great.

939

You're good.

940

Okay.

941

Well, get in touch.

942

I'll see you.

943

Goodbye.

944

Obviously, that's not the case.

945

So, what I've learned is to

practice the pause, which is to

946

not leave a really uncomfortable

silence, but to also not jump in.

947

And one of the things I've learned

is that it's the second thing

948

people say that is most important.

949

So they will say, yeah, not bad, thanks.

950

And I will nod or I'll give little

kind of words of encouragement, but

951

I am not going to fill it in because

you're in therapy and it's not about me.

952

I'm not going to talk about my week.

953

And then they go.

954

Ah, well actually I've been

really upset this week.

955

Actually this really tricky thing is going

on and I don't know how to deal with it.

956

That's when you get real connection.

957

And if we think about it, most of the

time, when I told you my journey, the

958

builder that was coming in to tell me

about his marriage problems when I was

959

an accountant, the person who'd booked

in for an aromatherapy massage that was

960

telling me about challenges they had with

their children, they weren't really...

961

come in for their accountancy or for

their massage, they were coming to have

962

human connection, to be listened to.

963

And I really think it is one of

the biggest gifts we can give

964

anyone is to hold that space and

allow them to be truly listened to.

965

Not just hearing you, I'm listening

to you and this is about you, not me.

966

And I think if we did that in all of

our relationships, we would see our

967

relationships really grow and blossom.

968

We would be better parents,

better partners, better friends.

969

Better leaders, better

managers, better employees.

970

Sal Jefferies: Amazing I'm really struck

by that It's, it's, it's stuff I know,

971

it's stuff I work with, with my own,

uh, sort of coaching and performance

972

around people that actually we need

to be steady, we need to be able to be

973

calmer within, it's connected within and

we need to really connect with another

974

and that doesn't happen if the mind is

busy, we're rushing around like whatever,

975

we are looking to jump straight in

and what you've just said there just,

976

just It just, just felt so natural.

977

Yeah, of course.

978

Isn't that lovely?

979

That's what I want.

980

And most of the time I do that.

981

I don't do it all the

time because I'm human.

982

I get it wrong.

983

Like most people would do.

984

We sometimes are busy, but salient, vital.

985

And in perhaps many ways, points that we

all know, and what I love about them at

986

your experience, Liam, but my experience

of doing a lot of clever psychology

987

and deep practice around that, often

the most powerful stuff is the stuff we

988

implicitly know as a human being, when

we are quiet and steadier and calmer, and

989

we are in a good place, we, we know that

we want to hear someone and be heard.

990

And that creates connection and creation,

connection really helps whether it's

991

family, whether it's your business.

992

So, You're welcome.

993

Thank you.

994

It kind of goes like, let's

start at the beginning, right?

995

Start at number one.

996

How are you doing?

997

What are those processes?

998

And then connecting to number two,

the other, through a clear open space.

999

And then of course,

that's a ripple effect.

00:54:03,796 --> 00:54:08,636

If we're able to model that, certainly

as a leader in any context, that's

00:54:08,676 --> 00:54:13,276

modeling that wonderful ripple effect of

what can create good human connection.

00:54:14,396 --> 00:54:18,456

Wow, such good, strong,

massive points here.

00:54:20,856 --> 00:54:22,356

I have one last question.

00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:31,816

What is your, what's your go to for

you personally, that's your way of

00:54:31,816 --> 00:54:35,596

remembering to do what you've covered

so eloquently today, but what's your

00:54:35,636 --> 00:54:38,776

go to to remember that this stuff

matters and this helps you connect?

00:54:38,796 --> 00:54:39,796

What do you do?

00:54:40,816 --> 00:54:43,006

Lianne Weaver: So two things

came up when you said that.

00:54:43,336 --> 00:54:48,376

So one is what I've already

touched upon, which is not just

00:54:48,386 --> 00:54:50,696

to have awareness, I need action.

00:54:51,246 --> 00:54:58,736

So being aware of my stress or

my, um, challenging relationship

00:54:58,736 --> 00:55:00,716

or some anxiety, whatever it is.

00:55:03,391 --> 00:55:04,221

And then what?

00:55:04,351 --> 00:55:08,891

And I will very frequently say to

myself and to clients, and then what?

00:55:09,741 --> 00:55:11,171

Really important, right?

00:55:11,741 --> 00:55:16,371

So that's definitely one, but then

in the most simplistic of terms, my

00:55:16,401 --> 00:55:21,501

go to to remind me to slow down, to

connect, to be present, is the breath.

00:55:22,271 --> 00:55:25,261

Because I've always got it with

me and it's our breath that is

00:55:25,281 --> 00:55:28,691

one of the first indicators that

will tell your brain whether your

00:55:28,691 --> 00:55:30,381

environment is safe or threatening.

00:55:30,891 --> 00:55:36,231

It's the thing that changes in a

split millisecond if I'm feeling

00:55:36,411 --> 00:55:38,611

anxious, if I'm feeling relaxed.

00:55:38,841 --> 00:55:41,021

And the great thing is

I can control my breath.

00:55:41,781 --> 00:55:45,981

So if I am having a conversation with

someone and I recognize that my head has

00:55:45,981 --> 00:55:50,236

started to race somewhere else, Then I

come back and I just slow my breathing

00:55:50,236 --> 00:55:54,276

down and make myself fully present and I

will literally, I'll do it in my therapy

00:55:54,276 --> 00:55:59,096

chair, I will Just take some deep breaths

and I'll press my feet into the ground

00:55:59,096 --> 00:56:03,396

and here I am back in the room fully

present But I'll do that with my husband.

00:56:03,396 --> 00:56:04,686

I'll do that with my mother.

00:56:04,686 --> 00:56:09,966

I'll do that with anyone And so those

two were the first things that I turned

00:56:09,966 --> 00:56:15,906

to Before I then go into the toolkit and

get anything and everything else out.

00:56:16,166 --> 00:56:18,496

It's the breath And, and then what?

00:56:19,766 --> 00:56:20,306

Sal Jefferies: Beautiful.

00:56:20,406 --> 00:56:21,686

We need the right key to open the

00:56:21,686 --> 00:56:21,936

door,

00:56:22,256 --> 00:56:22,846

Lianne Weaver: absolutely.

00:56:22,896 --> 00:56:25,066

And it doesn't always work the same time.

00:56:26,786 --> 00:56:29,096

Sal Jefferies: No, and I think this is

the important thing, but it's like, if it

00:56:29,146 --> 00:56:34,176

works most of the time and it's a really

simple strategy, it's remember the breath.

00:56:35,476 --> 00:56:35,996

Oh yeah.

00:56:36,776 --> 00:56:38,886

Remember, like, and what action?

00:56:38,886 --> 00:56:39,786

What, what have I got to do?

00:56:40,646 --> 00:56:41,176

Beautiful.

00:56:41,236 --> 00:56:42,526

Really well articulated.

00:56:43,016 --> 00:56:45,826

Thank you so much for sharing

your thoughts and summary

00:56:45,826 --> 00:56:47,506

experience around work.

00:56:47,976 --> 00:56:50,746

connection, the workplace, and

of course you've gone deeper into

00:56:50,766 --> 00:56:53,776

human connections, so I'm deeply

grateful for all that you've shared.

00:56:54,476 --> 00:56:57,316

Of course we shall put Leanne's

details in the show notes if you

00:56:57,316 --> 00:56:59,856

want to get in touch with Leanne or

myself, they'll be all in show notes.

00:57:00,246 --> 00:57:04,926

And until the next time, dear listener,

I hope you can remember to breathe,

00:57:05,166 --> 00:57:09,211

remember to ask what's next, and

perhaps to go back through the podcast

00:57:09,251 --> 00:57:11,811

and extract some of the key points.

00:57:12,031 --> 00:57:14,711

In many ways, Leanne's just taken

us through a training process.

00:57:15,401 --> 00:57:16,671

I'm deeply grateful for that.

00:57:16,891 --> 00:57:17,391

It was wonderful.

00:57:17,391 --> 00:57:17,541

So

00:57:17,541 --> 00:57:18,531

Thank you Leanne.

00:57:18,551 --> 00:57:19,111

Dear listener.

00:57:19,171 --> 00:57:19,611

See you on the

00:57:19,611 --> 00:57:20,161

next one.

00:57:20,612 --> 00:57:21,132

Lianne Weaver: Thank you.

00:57:21,142 --> 00:57:22,062

so much.

00:57:23,586 --> 00:57:25,236

Sal Jefferies: Thank you

so much for listening.

00:57:25,506 --> 00:57:29,076

If you enjoyed the episode,

please subscribe and if a friend

00:57:29,076 --> 00:57:32,166

would benefit from hearing this,

do send it on to them as well.

00:57:33,366 --> 00:57:36,366

If you would like to get in touch

yourself, then you can go to my website,

00:57:36,606 --> 00:57:45,276

which is sal jeffries.com, spelled S

A L J E F E R I E s sal jeffries.com.

00:57:45,576 --> 00:57:48,936

Hit the get in touch link and there

you can send me a direct message.

00:57:49,881 --> 00:57:52,761

If you'd like to go one step further

and learn whether coaching could help

00:57:52,761 --> 00:57:57,441

you overcome a challenge or a block

in your life, then do reach out and

00:57:57,441 --> 00:58:00,831

I offer a call where we can discuss

how this may be able to help you.

00:58:01,701 --> 00:58:03,621

Until the next time, take care.