🎙️ Friends for a Season & a Reason

Episode Summary:

Not all friendships are meant to last forever—and that’s okay. In this episode of The Mirror Project, we’re unpacking the different types of friendships we experience in life. Some friends are here for a lifetime, others for just a season, but how do we know which is which? And how do we handle the bittersweet reality of letting go?

🔹 The Nature of Friendship – Why do some friendships last while others fade?

🔹 Growth & Outgrowing – When evolving means leaving certain friendships behind.

🔹 Our Personal Stories – The friendships that shaped us, surprised us, and the ones we had to walk away from.

🔹 Lessons in Letting Go – How to navigate friendship breakups with grace and self-respect.

Not every friend is meant to go where you’re going—and that doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t valuable. Grab your coffee, settle in, and let’s get into it!

🎧 Listen Now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite platform!

✨ Friendship & Growth – Key Takeaways

Here’s what we’re reflecting on in this episode:

✔️ Friendships as Chapters – Some friends are with us for the long haul, while others play a meaningful role in a specific season of life.

✔️ Knowing When to Let Go – If a friendship is holding you back, it may be time to step away.

✔️ Friendship & Personal Growth – The right friendships support your evolution, not resist it.

✔️ Mel Robbins’ ‘Let Them Theory’ – Accepting people as they are instead of forcing change.

✔️ Cherishing the Good Times – Just because a friendship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful.

Have you ever had to let go of a friendship? How did you know it was time? Let’s talk about it!

📲 Connect With Us!

💬 Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, & YouTube: @mirrorprojectpod

☕ Support us on Buy Me a Coffee: Support Us Here

📩 DM us your questions & topic suggestions – We’d love to hear from you!

👉 Next week’s episode: Making Friends as an Adult – Why is it so Hard? We’re tackling the struggles, the wins, and the awkwardness of adult friendships. Let’s keep the conversation going!

Hit that like, follow, and subscribe button, and we’ll see you next time! 🎙️✨

hey everyone.

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Welcome back to the Beer Project.

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We are your hosts, Christine,

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Alexandra: And Alexandra.

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Christine: and we're so

happy you're joining us.

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Today.

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We're digging deep into a topic

that we've all experienced in

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one way or another, friendships.

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friendships last a lifetime while others

come into our lives for just a season.

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But how do we know which is which and

what happens when it's time to let go?

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In this episode, we're sharing our

personal experiences with all kinds

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of friendships, the ones that shaped

us, the ones that surprised us, and

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the ones we had to walk away from.

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Let's talk about the joy, the heartbreak,

and the lessons that come with navigating

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friendships for a season and a reason.

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Welcome back.

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Okay, so this, I'm excited for today's

conversation, but I think I wanna

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throw it to Alexandra here and say,

ask her started this conversation.

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Alexandra: Well, Christine, as per

usual, many of our conversations for

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this podcast do start out of quotes or

things that we've seen on Instagram or

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around other places, and I feel like

this is especially apropos opening up

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with one of Christine's favorite people.

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And if you've heard last week's

conversation, then you'll know

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exactly who we're talking about.

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It's a quote from Alex Hermo and talking

about when to let friendships go.

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So he said, when you have the friends

who are telling you must be nice,

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or you think you're better than us,

or, oh, so we can't drink anymore,

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that's when you can be like, yeah.

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Then what?

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Well, then we wouldn't be friends.

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You're not going to be friends

with him eventually anyways.

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He promises you if you want to

ultimately become the person.

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You want to become, you're

only going to reject.

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They're only going to reject you

harder and harder until eventually

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you have nothing to share about.

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And the only thing that

you'll talk about is the past.

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A great way to know when to

cut a friend is to is when

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they only talk about your past.

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And it's one of those really uncomfortable

things the first time you do it.

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But then you get more and more

comfortable with it because they're

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like, I would never live your life.

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And you are like, I know.

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Also, don't trade your

self-respect for someone else's.

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It's easy to lose theirs

and hard to gain yours back.

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So Christine, being this in a

very face, facetious way that

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he's your favorite person, what is

your first reaction to that quote?

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Christine: So

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for those who maybe don't know,

last week when this first came

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up we, we talked about another

quote from this, this gentleman.

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I,

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okay, so it's not that I don't like him.

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I don't know him, so I

can't pass a judgment on his

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character or anything like that.

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how he approaches life and how I

approach life is slightly different.

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And that's

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: does things differently.

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There are things that I've

heard him say that I think are

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great advice, but, you know,

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just wanted to put that out there.

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But having, having heard

this, I think initially

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I was like, wow, that's

a little harsh, but.

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I think it's a great way

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sort of look objectively

at a situation, right?

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So, and I think he does say

the first time, it's gonna

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be really uncomfortable me.

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It probably will always be

uncomfortable, but I think in the long

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run it's, it's to help protect you.

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It's to help you continue to grow.

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And I think it makes a lot of sense.

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Like

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it's important to cut those

toxic people out of your life,

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Alexandra: Hmm.

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Christine: Or, or those people who

are just not moving with you anymore.

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It doesn't mean

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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Christine: to move in the same

direction, but as forward is usually

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Alexandra: Cool.

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Christine: continuously, continually

moving forward is always the goal.

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So.

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That's my initial thoughts.

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How about you?

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She does not have the same, I

don't think she really knows

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much about this person, so,

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Alexandra: no.

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Definitely not.

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And sorry guys, I do sound a little

bit sick today because I am recovering

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from some sort of head cold.

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So bear with me as I drink

my tea and we're here.

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Okay.

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So yeah, I don't de, I definitely don't

have the same, I think initial reaction

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to Alex or Realey as Christine does.

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I don't know a whole lot about him.

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I think the snippets I have

seen, I haven't, I've gone okay,

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yeah, that makes sense to me.

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It's funny reading this 'cause of

course I think we saw this on a video

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and I'm sure if people searched any

of that quote that I read out, they'd

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be able to find the original video.

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But it is kind of, to me what reading

it, it seems a little bit disjointed.

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'cause it's I think we were coming in,

in a conversation that I was having with

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somebody else and, but there were parts

of it that really resonated with, with me.

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And some past experiences that I've had.

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And I know when we first talked about,

you know, doing the podcast, we had

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a, we have a shared Google document

that we just dump a lot of ideas on.

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And I think at the time I was going

through one of, call it a friendship

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breakup where this really hit home for me.

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And kind of the,

particularly the part where,

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and I'll get into this a little bit

later, but the, I was trying to change

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my life in the sense of become the

person I wanted to become instead of

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trying to fit into other people's molds.

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And the, some of the friends I was

friends with at the time did not

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seem to react very well to that.

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And it was kind of all they could talk

about was the past or not even helping

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or supporting each other move forward.

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And particularly me in that situation

where I was like, yeah, it is time.

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To, to move on and say

I don't want their life.

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And it seems like they don't want to

move forward in a similar direction

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where we're all growing that it

was just a, a divergence of paths.

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But like Christine said, and, and

like Alex Ramey said, it is very

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uncomfortable the first time to,

I think cut ties with people.

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And I just, I kind of think I

have a, an ability to cut, like

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really cut ties with people.

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And then in my head I will overthink it

and chew on it later and come back to it.

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But with those people, I'm pretty

much a hard break and be like,

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no more contact, like I'm done.

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Yeah, I've had a few like romantic

ex partners who were like,

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nah, I'm friends with my exes.

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And I'm like, yeah, not me.

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And that seemed to surprise that when we

broke up and I'm like, no, hard break.

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I'm the same way with friends.

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It is very uncomfortable.

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But it, it, I guess it does kind of

get easier and I think kind of figuring

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out what, who are the people worth

having in your life because you are all

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tracking a similar direction, is, is a

valuable skill and it can be difficult.

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Christine: Mm.

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Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: So Christine, what was the

next quote that really kind of got us

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thinking about this conversation and we're

like, we need to do an episode on this.

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Christine: Yeah, so this one came from

Tyler Perry actually, and he says,

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there are people who come into your

life sometimes to be there for a season.

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They weren't meant to be there always.

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Sometimes we find ourselves hooked

up with people that we think are

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there for a lifetime, but only

supposed to be there for a season.

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are people who come into your

life like boosters for a rocket.

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If you've ever watched a rocket go

into space, the boosters fall off

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when it reaches a certain altitude.

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Some people are not equipped to handle

the altitudes that you're going to,

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so don't be afraid when they fall off.

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They're not bad people, they're just,

they just couldn't go where you're going.

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Thoughts?

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Alexandra: I think it's a, I think when

we were talking about this episode and

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formatting it, I was like, this is a

much more hopeful quote and and view.

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Whereas like you said, the Alex

from Moey, one can be a bit.

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Objective and blunt.

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And sometimes I think this

is a much more hopeful way.

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And similarly for that same situation

I was talking about earlier,

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that I'll get into it in a little

bit, this one felt like, yes,

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okay, time to cut relationships.

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And then this one's okay.

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'cause I would go back and go,

why did this friendship fail?

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Or why couldn't I make it work?

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And so then realizing that, particularly

with those people who I thought would

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be in my life for a long time, just

kind of going, it was, it was like

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a temporary joint so you could go on

your path and they could go on theirs.

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But I like that, like it really helps,

particularly I think for people who maybe

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feel very deeply about relationships and

particularly when they don't continue

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and maybe wonder why or feel guilty that

they could have done more or something.

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This is a wonderful quote to go, Hey.

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It's exactly as it was supposed to be.

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What do you think Christine?

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Christine: I think this, this one

appealed, appealed to me a little more.

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I like the imagery of it.

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I think it makes sense.

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It helps make sense of some potential

situations you might encounter.

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And I know for me, I've often wondered,

like Alexandra said, didn't this work?

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Sometimes I feel really guilty

or regretful, but if anything,

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this helps remind me like.

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It's a learning experience, so

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reflect on those situations, but

don't beat yourself up over it,

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I guess is the, is my takeaway.

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Know that

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when that happens, don't be afraid of

it, I think is a, is a really sort of

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helpful takeaway because yeah, I I,

we're gonna get more into it later in

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this, in this conversation, but when

I've sort of come around to thinking

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like, when, when you lose a friend,

there's a grieving process you go through

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yeah, sorry, I just sort of, as you were

talking, I was um, to sort of maybe give

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some background as to why I sort of feel

like a little distant in this moment.

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I, I just sort of was time traveling

a little bit and thinking about

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thinking about a situation that

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hasn't sat right with me.

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And I think for, in a lot of cases,

and would love to dive into this more

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with, with you and for those listening,

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what has stuck with you when

you've lost the friendships?

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For me, I think I don't necessarily,

I think what sticks with me the most

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is how, how it sort of all plays out.

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What can keep me up at night

is how I handled the situation.

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I think for a lot of people,

perhaps at least for me, when,

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when thinking about this, it's like

not a comfortable thing, right?

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And it, there's no right way to do it.

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So I sort of like tend to,

what sticks with me the most

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is how, I may have handled it.

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And most, most of the time

it's not well because it's not

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something one likes to think about.

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Alexandra: Right.

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And it's not something

that's scripted in a movie.

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So it is pretty much the raw, unfiltered,

unedited version where, you know, when

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you go back and reflect on it, you're

like, oh, I could have said this or

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I could have done this differently.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: I think the part of that

Tyler Perry quote that really sticks

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with me is they're not bad people.

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They just couldn't go where you're going.

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And it's really interesting

how you related the, the ending

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of a friendship with grief.

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And there's like the five stages of

grief and anger can be one of them.

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And sometimes.

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Maybe this is me and not everyone,

but like I, you don't wanna be the

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bad guy, particularly in situations.

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So sometimes it's easier in your anger

and frustration of losing friendships,

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even if you're the one calling it quit to

say they were this or they weren't that.

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And then I like how this quote is going.

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They weren't bad people, they

just can't go where you're going.

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And, and that really takes,

I think, some of that

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anger and wind outta that sail,

particularly on that piece

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of the grief, the anger part.

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And then it's okay to just like more in

the loss of that friendship and what you

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more in the death of what it could have

been in your mind versus what it was.

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So it, I think it allows you to

see it very much what it was.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: make sense?

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: Okay.

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Because I was like.

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Hopefully I was like in my foggy

brain today, like I'm hoping

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this is all coming out sensical.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: but yeah.

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So on a slightly lighter note before

we kind of dive into some of those

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scenarios that Christine and I were

talking about the last quote to kind

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of wrap up this whole friends for a

season and a reason thing was soulmates

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come in the form of friends too.

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It's not just about romance.

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Sometimes it's your best friend who

makes you feel whole, who understands

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you the most when the rest of the

world doesn't understand you at all.

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Christine: Yeah, I love that.

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think, you know,

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this is what my experience

has been, right?

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I've, I've, you know, when it

comes to, to romance dating, I

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have a little experience there.

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But for me, the, the thing,

the relationships that have

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sort of helped shape me the

most have been my friendships.

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And, I love, I love this,

I love this, this idea.

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I think it's totally true and spot on.

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and I think, you know, you can

have more than one soulmate.

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So

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Alexandra: Hmm,

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Christine: What about you?

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Alexandra: absolutely.

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Christine: What do you think?

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Alexandra: And I think this is a

really important thing to think

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about, particularly if you're

in a stage of evaluating your

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friendships and seeing which ones.

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Our best for the both, both parties.

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I think this is something really important

to remember is, is this person that

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you're friends with, somebody who makes

you feel whole, who understands you,

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and do you make them feel whole and do

you understand them wholly not what you

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think they should be or how you think

they should behave, but who they are

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and do they accept you wholly as who

you are without needing to change you?

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And I think those are some the

friendships that we ought to strive for.

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And finding your soulmates and

friends rather potentially than

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a collection of people who just

happen to be in our lives, you know?

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And plus it makes some of those ones

that really stick throughout your

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whole lifetime, that much more special.

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Christine: absolutely.

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Alexandra: So, Christine, on on the

whole, what do you think of these quotes?

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That we pulled today.

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Christine: I, well, I think they,

they all offer great advice.

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It's definitely helped sort of spark

different ideas for myself, how, and has

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encouraged me to really think about this.

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'cause I don't know if, I mean, I would

be interested to know, has anybody

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else really thought about this before?

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Is this something I, I, I don't know.

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I, I, I sometimes find myself

reflecting on these things.

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And I think this, just these

quotes really helps put them.

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Put help put my feelings into words,

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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So yeah, I like many things in life,

I take things with a grain of salt.

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I think it's good, a good reference.

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Yeah, that's how I'm feeling right now.

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Alexandra: I agree with that.

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There's definitely some stuff of the

Alex or Mo that bits in pieces of

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makes sense to me in certain contexts

and relationships, particularly about

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the one where a friendship, if you can

only talk about the past and it seems

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like you have little or no connection

in the present or moving forward,

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that may be an indication of that

relationship falling by the wayside.

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And I think it's just particularly the

Tyler Perry just kind of helping take out

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some of the hurt of losing friendships

that you may have thought we're going to

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be there for a long time and they just.

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Weren't ever meant to be.

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But like you said, taking things with

a grain of salt and I think it's really

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context situation dependent as well.

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Like the Alex Ram Moley quote is

probably not the same for every

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relationship that needs to end.

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It is just some stuff naturally

terminates and comes to a conclusion.

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Christine: Yeah.

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I was just thinking one thing

that these don't really address

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is that conversation before the

final conversation of a breakup of.

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I, I guess I'm of the mind of if

something's not working, I wanna

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have a conversation about it

and see if there can be any work

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Alexandra: mm-hmm.

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Christine: On both sides.

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Because, you know, all relationships,

it's, it takes two to tango.

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It's like a, a two-way street.

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So, that's, I guess, one piece

that really hasn't been addressed

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Alexandra: True.

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Christine: with these quotes here.

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And I think, you know,

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that's, that's, that's a important

piece of it, at least for me.

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I'm not necessarily, if I, if I see the

hope in any kind of relationship for

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improvement, I wanna try and go after that

because, know, I care for that person.

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And it's hard to, hard to away

from something you care about.

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Alexandra: Right.

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And I think that rolls us nicely

into what we were next gonna talk

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about, kind of digging deeper

into both of our experiences.

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And I feel like to stay on topic of what

you were just talking about, of that

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conversation before something ends I

think we went through a rough patch in our

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friendship for a little bit that we like,

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Christine: I

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Alexandra: you know, came through

and were stronger friends than ever.

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And that was when I was in my first

graduate program and I just kind of, I.

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Shut down.

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I basically, not

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in my mind, I wasn't like harshly, I just

kind of withdrew from things to focus

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on something that was so massively I

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mentally consuming.

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I was working on my thesis and a

practicum exhibit and Christine

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was like, reached out at someone.

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She's Hey, can we go get

lunch and talk about stuff?

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And I just feel like our

friendship is, you know, something.

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And I went to that and I was so, I

remember being so nervous and so upset

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and so anxious because I was like, I

don't like when people are upset with me,

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particularly somebody I really care about.

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And, but it was a really

good conversation.

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I think we went to something

like the iron pig or something.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Alexandra: and it was like, and it was, I

don't know about you Christine, but for me

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it was really awkward, but it was really.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: A wonderful part of our

friendship, and I think it made me

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realize that people who are meant to

be in your life will take the time

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because it's important and have those

conversations, even if one or both parties

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are really anxious or concerned about it.

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And I, I'm so grateful that

you did that, and you didn't

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just let me kind of withdraw so

much that our friendship faded.

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So thank you.

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Christine: Oh, of course.

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Well, thank you for

coming to lunch with me.

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Yeah, I, I agree that for me, was feeling

awkward and anxious, and it was, it was

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the first time in my life where I really

took a proactive approach to, Hey, this

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is kind of funky and I really wanna

talk, talk this out with you, because

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it's that, it's like how people

interpret things differently, how

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people hear things differently.

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Whether or not you meant

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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Christine: something to

come across the way it did.

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Like people are going to you

know, they're, they're not always

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gonna see it the way you do.

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So for me was, I knew I had, I knew

I had something special with you and.

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I wanted to address it, and glad

that we did, and I we're 100%

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stronger for it closer because of it.

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And I know that I can come to

you and and say, Hey I, this

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isn't sitting right with me.

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Let's talk it out.

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Or I can come to you and for your

advice on other things, just because

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like we allowed ourselves to be

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messy and accept the mistakes that we've

made and not hold it against each other.

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I'm

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Alexandra: and it was super helpful

because of this last semester, kind

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of hit a same patch where I was like,

I can, could already feel myself

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starting to pull back from things.

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And not so much from like our

friendship, but like just in general

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and going like feeling withdrawn.

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So I think I went to Christine

and when I was talking about can

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we put the podcast on hiatus?

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I just need to finish.

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And I was like, okay, but you

know, because I don't, you know,

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want our friendship to suffer.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: there, I think I went to you,

I'm like, this is, I'm just overwhelmed.

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And there was days that Christine

just listened to me complain

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on the phone about, you know,

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Christine: Let it out.

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Alexandra: and things.

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And then there was other times where it

was just like, I think we just sat on

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the phone for a while just in silence.

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And it was super helpful because

then I didn't feel like I had to.

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Constantly be like fully giving

everything into our friendship

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when during that hard time.

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And Christine was also there

just to be able to hold space

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for me as I went through that.

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And so it was really helpful.

404

And we did end up playing Flo

tag quite a lot last semester.

405

But it was, it was a really helpful

touch point going, remember, okay,

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last time I went through kind of this

and I did withdraw And that was not

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my intention, it was just my habit and

to, to kind of push myself to, with the

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friendships that were really important,

trying to continue to reach out.

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And I think sometimes,

you know, I think that's.

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But Christine, she's that's really that

what matters is that you, you're trying.

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And that was really helpful.

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And it also took me out of some of

the, the craziness that was happening.

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It was kinda like, okay, there is

the light at the end of the tunnel.

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There is these wonderful friendships

that this is just, whatever craziness

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was happening was just for a season.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: And this friendship is not

for a season, so don't let it suffer.

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So,

419

Christine: Yeah.

420

Alexandra: yeah.

421

On that note, Christine, do you wanna open

up and talk about some of the experiences

422

you were time traveling to earlier?

423

I.

424

Christine: Yeah.

425

So I think to give a little background,

if you've been a listener for a

426

long time or if this is your first

time here Hey, Christine here.

427

I grew up to like small

schools my whole life.

428

I was a Catholic school kid, so my

class sizes were always smaller.

429

But I also just had a small

close knit group of friends.

430

I wasn't the person, and I'm still not

the person who has had like a big group of

431

friends at school, like the quote unquote

popular group, whatever that means.

432

But.

433

That always was okay with me.

434

I as long as I can remember, I

have been seeking those deeper,

435

meaningful relationships.

436

However, due to the environment I was

in, the people I was surrounded with at

437

school, always didn't workout for me.

438

And at this point in my life, I

don't have a strong relationship

439

with anyone I met prior to college

besides my family, of course.

440

But, and, and also that's not to

say I'm not friendly with lots

441

of people, but I guess like many

things, my definition of friendship

442

has always been a little different.

443

I've I've always found myself.

444

I should say I've been, I've found

myself reflecting on this a lot at

445

a lot of different points in my life

when I've been different ages and in,

446

in different stages and environments.

447

And I always sort of ask

myself, why do I feel this way?

448

And something I've come to learn

about myself and accept is that

449

I'm, I'm a fiercely loyal person.

450

Once you become one of my people,

I'm gonna fight for you with

451

everything I have no matter what.

452

now I, I've learned and I know that I

need to fight for myself just as much.

453

And a cer and at a certain point, it's

important to evaluate, those relationships

454

that aren't working for you anymore.

455

And my God, that can

be really, really hard.

456

Because for me it's, I.

457

I put so much of who I am into

everything, into those relationships.

458

And to think that that it

doesn't work out is really hard.

459

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

460

Christine: and not only like that,

that idea of grief I was mentioning

461

briefly earlier not only am I grieving

loss like this person that I've

462

lost, I'm also sort of like grieving.

463

Like I'm, I'm that my efforts have

sort of, I haven't come, come through

464

to what I thought they would be.

465

Alexandra: Right.

466

Christine: so

467

yeah.

468

Alexandra: Well, and I also don't think

you're a person who, or many people

469

are go into any sort of friendship

expecting it to end, you know.

470

Christine: True.

471

Absolutely.

472

No, that's not certainly where

you sort of see it ending up.

473

And I think something that I have

been trying to work on more is I

474

think, like I mentioned earlier,

seeing it as a learning opportunity

475

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

476

Christine: and looking back on the good

times of that you had with that person.

477

Like for instance, I had one

really good friend high school.

478

There were, and, and I've talked about

this before per perhaps probably even

479

on here, like the four years that you

are in high school, in my opinion,

480

is the most change you go through

in the shortest amount of time.

481

You come in 15 and you end 18, which

you're apparently an adult by the

482

time and you go through so much.

483

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

484

Christine: And so because so much

happens in such a short amount of

485

time, for a lot of people, those

relationships last a really lifetime.

486

I went to an all girls Catholic

school went through a lot with

487

the relationships I made there.

488

Went through a lot personally.

489

I think for the first

time I learned my life.

490

I.

491

To be open and honest that was when I

first struggled with some depression.

492

so

493

I left that time in my life thinking

that my best friend was gonna be with

494

me no matter what through everything.

495

And unfortunately, that hasn't worked

out the way I thought it would.

496

And we went to different colleges

and naturally we just didn't

497

keep us in touch with each other.

498

You know, when we were on breaks,

we would see each other and it would

499

be like all times, you know, it was

kind of like that sort of thing for.

500

And I have relationships like where we

don't stay close in contact with each

501

other, but as soon as we're together, it's

502

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

503

Christine: were separated.

504

That was sort of the feeling I

had this, with this friend of mine

505

and, you know, I love her still.

506

I'll always think, I think

I'll always love her.

507

She helped me through a really

pivotal time in my life.

508

So

509

I think it took me a while though

to come to terms with the fact

510

that this wasn't going to be the

relationship I thought it was.

511

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

512

Christine: and that's hard and I

513

still sort of grieve that.

514

I think about that almost every other day.

515

So I.

516

Yeah, I think, I think other one other

point I just wanna to share is that , one

517

of the most important things is community.

518

So I believe that we are meant to

surround ourselves with many different

519

people who love and support you.

520

I will say I have a very strong

support system with my family, but I

521

think it's almost more important to

surround yourself with found family.

522

because

523

I'm trying to figure out how

I wanna put this into words.

524

Like the difference between your, your

family that you were born into and the

525

family that you choose to a lot of, some

people don't stay in contact with their,

526

their, the family they're born into.

527

I love them all fiercely and dearly.

528

But I, there's certain things

that I know just because

529

we experience things at the same time,

it's clouded by how I experienced

530

it and how I went through it

531

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

532

Christine: I felt.

533

And for them, same thing, like

it's hard to separate yourself.

534

Whereas when it comes to

found family, it's like

535

you're choosing each other.

536

they're not necessarily,

537

Hmm.

538

I guess when I look at our

relationship, because you're the

539

closest thing to, to somebody, like

you're deeper than, our relationship

540

is so much deeper than a friendship.

541

You're truly like a sister to me.

542

Alexandra: Yeah.

543

Christine: We come together everything

that we've experienced individually

544

and when we're facing something

together, we're able to be kinder

545

to each other almost in terms of,

546

in my opinion, like your family

installed all the buttons and

547

they know how to press them.

548

I don't know, am I explaining?

549

Sorry if I'm not

explaining myself clearly.

550

I'm trying to, I'm trying to put into

words a feeling and that's really hard.

551

Alexandra: Yeah.

552

It's,

553

Christine: my apologies.

554

Thank you for bearing with me.

555

But, but my takeaway away,

556

the point I'm trying to make is

surrounding yourself with, in community

557

is super, super important because for,

I recently heard something that in

558

today's world, we tend to put everything

on one relationship for most people.

559

That's, that can be your boyfriend,

girlfriend, partner, husband, wife.

560

But if you think about that,

there's so, there's so much that

561

we go through as human beings

and naturally, after a while, I.

562

Putting everything on

something, it starts to weaken.

563

So by widening your circle, and it helps

take the pressure off the one and, and,

564

and it's then supported by the group.

565

yeah,

566

Alexandra: I think that also kind

of talks to that friendships aren't

567

something that can be taken for granted.

568

They do take work

569

Christine: Mm-hmm.

570

Alexandra: a romantic partnership.

571

It's not just the choice that like,

oh, hey, we're going to be friends.

572

We're in the sense of romantic partner

like we are together like every day.

573

It typically takes work on both

parts and both sides and yeah.

574

And sometimes your found family is who

helps you through the buttons that your

575

family knows how to push and do push.

576

And you know, and you definitely are

a sister to me, and you have done and

577

been there for me so much and I hope

that I have been there for you as well.

578

So

579

Christine: Yeah, absolutely.

580

Alexandra: one of, one

of my favorite people.

581

Christine: Oh, well, thank you.

582

Same here.

583

And yeah, thank you for bearing

with me as I try to, to put into

584

words all of the feelings that I

feel, I feel a lot of feelings, I'm

585

sure a lot of people can relate.

586

Alexandra: Well, and it's not

something that, you know, we may

587

think about, but how often do we try

to articulate some of this, you know?

588

So it can be very difficult

to get what's in our head out.

589

Christine: Yeah.

590

I have big feelings.

591

I think a lot.

592

I don't always know

how to articulate well.

593

Alexandra: Yeah.

594

Christine: But something, something

to work on, I think you know.

595

A great way to, in the past that has

helped me do that is I try and talk it

596

out with you or someone else that's really

close to me, try to journal about it.

597

Just write things down, like not

overthink it, just try and get it,

598

Alexandra: Yeah.

599

Christine: and get it out.

600

And I honestly don't always like

to go back and read things when I,

601

because it's hard for me

to articulate my feelings.

602

I just know it's not gonna

be exactly I'm feeling.

603

But the act of getting it out of your body

604

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

605

Christine: super helpful.

606

So, yeah.

607

Anyway.

608

Okay.

609

Onto you.

610

Alexandra: Not like you're

like, here, toss the hot potato.

611

It's no atory.

612

You're like, okay, well

thank you for that.

613

You know, hot potato,

we're all go with hot tea.

614

So, I'll first jump into that conversation

or what I alluded what I alluded to

615

earlier, and I think I've mentioned

this on the podcast before, definitely

616

in a couple different conversations.

617

But more focusing now on like

the friendship aspect and,

618

and there for just a season.

619

When I first moved to the state I'm

living in, I didn't really have community.

620

It was after my last graduate

program and I didn't have a job.

621

And my parents were like, well,

you're moving, you're moving with us.

622

And oh, by the way, we've moved state.

623

And I'm like, okay.

624

'cause I grew up in Southern California

and, and they moved to North Carolina

625

and I was like, I don't know anyone.

626

I didn't have any community.

627

I felt very lonely.

628

My sister was gonna move down

and come to to law school, but

629

that was after a little while.

630

And so,

631

I just, you know, it was weird.

632

It was a weird time, strange time.

633

I was very, very lost and because

I felt very lost, I didn't.

634

I have a whole lot of confidence in

myself particularly as it came to, to

635

friendships and making new friends,

or particularly trying to put yourself

636

out there and date in a new place.

637

So all of that's rumbling around

in my head and I am introduced to

638

a group of people through through

blood relatives connections.

639

So this is a really interesting

thing where sometimes your blood

640

family or who's married in you

find people, but again, they're not

641

always the people there for forever.

642

So anyways, these this group, these

group, this group of individuals

643

were very interested in psychic and

metaphysics, and it was really awesome.

644

I was like, cool intuition development.

645

Awesome.

646

So it was just a, I think it was like a.

647

Bimonthly thing we would get

together and, and practice

648

intuitive development and stuff.

649

And I was like, okay, I'm finding my

peoples, I'm finding people who are

650

interested in similar things that I am.

651

And I really,

652

it's such a hard time reflecting on

that relationship, those relationships.

653

Right.

654

I am very grateful to them for many

things, for reintroducing me to

655

my passion for, you know, psychic

work and practices as well as,

656

you know, interest in metaphysics.

657

And they really allowed me an

opportunity to grow and I thought

658

it was a very supportive set of

relationships and friendships

659

and they were for a while and we.

660

They had started a podcast at which,

at the, that time I was a part of.

661

And there was a few moments

where things start to go.

662

Like that inner warning bell would kind of

rain go Hmm, maybe this isn't quite right.

663

But I kind of ignored it because it

felt like, oh, I think I finally found

664

my, my group, my other found family,

the people, my community down here.

665

And,

666

and I think in many ways

667

they couldn't be who I thought they were.

668

They could be, and I couldn't

be what they needed me to be.

669

And, and I felt for a while,

like I was starting to.

670

Not surpass, but move past

them in certain practices and,

671

and develop and grow further.

672

And I don't think they really liked

it and I felt stifled and they

673

saw it this way and I wanted to

explore this or something like that.

674

There was just a huge disconnect.

675

And I felt because they were the people

who reintroduced me to a passion and I

676

had felt for a long time these are gonna

be the friends I have for a lifetime.

677

There was such resistance to

678

figuring out that these

friendships were not really

679

meant to be around for that long.

680

And, and particularly they were around,

they were people I would close with

681

at the time of my dad's passing.

682

So, you know, that was also

hard coming to terms with okay,

683

you know, I think I really, I.

684

I think I wanted to be angry at them.

685

I wanted them to be the bad guys.

686

Because it made it easier to let

go of those relationships and

687

say, oh, they weren't supportive.

688

And, and in some ways they were really

not supportive about many things.

689

Which again, red flag going off.

690

But I think I can look back and go they

were the, the boosters on a rocket.

691

They really, I am so grateful that

they reintroduced me to one of my

692

greatest passions, but that was just it.

693

They had to fall away.

694

And like Christine, I think I've feel

so deeply and I struggled for so long

695

with like guilt of like, how, why

couldn't I make these friendships work?

696

If I had just done this or if I just

had dealt with like my frustration

697

or disappointment that they weren't

the mentors I thought they would be.

698

And maybe just tried to

see them as they were.

699

Well, if I had seen them as they were,

I would realize that it was temporary.

700

So there was just a lot of,

when those, that relationship

701

and those relationships ended.

702

'cause it was multiple friendships.

703

I think it did two things.

704

I think it kind of helped me clear

away what I do want outta my life.

705

And I do want supportive people, people

who, you know, support where you're

706

going, who may not necessarily be doing

the same thing I'm doing, but at least

707

show an interest or oh, how's that going?

708

What, what's it like?

709

Tell me about it.

710

Oh yeah.

711

That you know, Christine's asked like,

how, how are your readings going?

712

Or what, what new book are you reading?

713

And I'm like, oh, I learned

this really cool tarot fact.

714

Or, you know, something like you

can kind of gee up but don't have

715

to travel the exact same path.

716

Or even if you are, you can, you travel

together, even if it's not at the same

717

pace, but you're both supportive and

it's not like you are upset, somebody's

718

moving ahead maybe at a faster pace than

you are, but you're just moving together.

719

And so I think that was

a really big thing there.

720

And I felt like I failed, personally.

721

I had failed because I wasn't

able to make friendships work.

722

So, that was one thing.

723

And then recently I had another

friendship, which I think was kind of

724

coming to its own natural conclusion.

725

But there was just something weird that

had happened and I realized I had shut

726

down a lot from my program and just,

or not even shut down, it was just kind

727

of conserving energy and figuring out

where to put stuff and trying to reach

728

out when to, to friends when I had time.

729

And I think it was one of those

things, like I had caught that person.

730

Maybe a not so great day and then

just kind of the way it worked.

731

I think things are okay, but I think

they're running their natural course.

732

And I think it was really, especially

since it was after that huge group

733

of friends that I have no longer have

in my life, I'm kind of realizing

734

more and more that people do come

into your life and they may seem like

735

they're there for a very long time,

and if they are, that's awesome.

736

But if they're not just really

appreciating, and like Christine said,

737

remembering the good times out of those

friendships and relationships, the things

738

that were important during those times,

739

Christine: Mm-hmm.

740

Alexandra: And learning from, you know,

what worked outta that, you know, how

741

I responded to things, how I would

respond differently going forward if

742

given, you know, a different opportunity

to address something like that.

743

So I hope that makes sense.

744

But yeah, the.

745

The grieving part of letting friendships

go, and well realizing, realizing

746

that it's okay to let friendships go,

that sometimes they are not ever meant

747

to be more than just a short period

of time, which is, like we talked

748

about in, don't necessarily go into

a friendship saying, well, this is

749

gonna be a two year friendship, and now

we're coming on that two year deadline.

750

Christine: Right.

751

Alexandra: it's been nice.

752

Have a good life, you know, so, but

yeah, Christine has seen me through

753

those friendships and those, you

know, friendship breakups as well.

754

So,

755

Christine: Yeah.

756

Yeah,

757

Alexandra: but yeah.

758

Christine: I know I talked a lot

about my friend from high school,

759

but, you know, went through

it a few times in college too.

760

It's, it's never easy to have

those conversations and it

761

really hurts in the moment.

762

And I think it took me a while to sort

of articulate what that feeling it,

763

and it is a, your, a grieving process.

764

And it's strange to grieve

someone who's still living, but,

765

just I think the, the major

takeaway is show yourself grace.

766

Show them grace.

767

I mean, obviously if they're, if it

doesn't end well well have a nice life.

768

But um, yeah, yeah.

769

Wish and No, I will, but yeah, just, just

show yourself grace, be kind to yourself.

770

Life's short, but it's also a long

road, so take care of yourself.

771

Alexandra: Yeah,

772

Christine: It's important.

773

Alexandra: and I think it makes.

774

If we think about life is short, right?

775

Christine: Mm-hmm.

776

Alexandra: Why are we holding

onto relationships that are

777

friendships that are not

778

supportive, not the best, not, you

know, something that brings us pain.

779

You know, you want to be surrounded by the

people who make your eyes light up, who

780

Christine: Inspire you.

781

Alexandra: your soul, bring it a

light and, you know, feed, you know,

782

feed something who add value, not

because of what they do, but just

783

really bring something to your life

and you bring something to theirs.

784

And I think Christine had seen

something recently saying something

785

about time length of a friendship as

an adult, and it'll go the distance.

786

Christine: Yeah.

787

Yeah.

788

So if studies have shown studies

have shown apparently that if a

789

friendship has last seven years, it's

likely to be one for your whole life.

790

So yeah, I think we're, we're

definitely over the 10 year mark

791

Alexandra: Definitely.

792

Christine: So you're,

you're stuck with me.

793

Alexandra: Oh yes, absolutely.

794

Christine: we're gonna be the old ladies

recon havoc, somewhere causing trouble.

795

But,

796

Alexandra: Oh, definitely.

797

I, I can't wait.

798

I can't wait for that.

799

It'll be so much fun.

800

Christine: exactly.

801

Life, life is a lot of fun

when, when you're a part of it.

802

So I love you made dear.

803

Alexandra: This is fun.

804

But yes, definitely.

805

This is not a season.

806

This is the whole, all

the seasons friendship.

807

All the seasons.

808

Christine: Yes.

809

Yeah.

810

All right.

811

Well, I think before we wrap up,

Alexandra, would you like to share

812

some advice with, with those listening?

813

I know

814

Alexandra: sure.

815

Christine: together some

great great points here.

816

So I'm, I'm ready to learn too.

817

Alexandra: Okay.

818

Okay.

819

So at advice, I was trying to

think of when writing up the notes,

820

like what we were talking about.

821

So kind of let's, let's jump

back to that first part where we

822

were talking about those quotes.

823

And the great thing there is, as

Christine had mentioned, taking, you

824

know, a handful of salt when you listen

to thought influencers or you know,

825

people in social media take what they

say with a grain of salt, use your own

826

experience and understanding to figure

out what works for you and what resonates.

827

And that you can't give up

responsibility to somebody else to

828

fix your life or your relationships.

829

Just because somebody said it

on the internet, you know, just

830

because we say it, you know,

take it with a grain of salt.

831

If it works for you, if it

makes sense, then absolutely.

832

But we are ultimately responsible for, I.

833

Everything that we do

and the relationships and

834

friendships that we're in.

835

And if they're not working for you, then

it may be time to take steps to end it.

836

Or as Christine and I went through

Rectify, where we kind of came

837

together and said, what's happening?

838

Through, you know, just events

in life, kind of going, oh

839

yeah, here's a, a realignment.

840

And then,

841

Christine: Yeah.

842

Alexandra: you know, as we mentioned,

for some it can be difficult to let go of

843

friendships and see those connections only

as temporary installments in our life,

844

especially if they've been there

during a pivotal time or change

845

in transition to your life.

846

So be kind to yourself as you

reflect on those relationships

847

or as you choose to end them.

848

Don't be too hard or judgmental on

yourself or, you know, if you can

849

even the other people in the situation

about why it didn't work, just kind of.

850

Saying it is what it is and, and what

you want differently going forward.

851

And I think that really is the huge

thing, learning from past friendship,

852

successes and failures so that you

can move forward and, and build that

853

community of people who, who let you up.

854

And Christine, I'm gonna, I'm gonna

leave this last one to Christine

855

because it more recently than I have,

and I haven't really dug into this

856

Christine: I've

857

Alexandra: book.

858

Christine: a lot of wonderful snippets

from Mel, Rob Mel Robbins lately.

859

She's wonderful.

860

I think I, I wanna read her book,

but she has she has this, this

861

theory that I think so beautifully

brings me a lot of comfort and peace.

862

The, the Let Them Theory.

863

I'm really curious if anybody else

has heard of this, but it's, the let

864

Them theory is acceptance that there's

certain things out of your control.

865

So if especially when it comes to

other people, you can't control how

866

they're going to show up or react.

867

If, if they're, if a friend

isn't showing up in the way that

868

you were hoping that they would

like, them you can't control it.

869

So don't waste energy

trying to, trying to.

870

So that's definitely something

I I, I definitely wanna

871

try and put into practice.

872

it's, I think one of those

things that can be easier said

873

than done, especially when it

874

Alexandra: Absolutely.

875

Christine: to those really sort of

pivotal relationships in your life.

876

But I think it also can bring you

a lot of comfort, you know, sort of

877

just relinquishing the fact that you

can't control certain things and.

878

Alexandra: And kind of

879

Christine: the reality.

880

Alexandra: bring you back into focus.

881

The only thing that you can

control or influences yourself

882

and how you respond to situations.

883

I really like that.

884

So that or let them Theory

book and the Five High.

885

The high Five.

886

Habit.

887

Five something.

888

The Five Habit.

889

There's another one of her

books that I'm definitely

890

Christine: we'll, we'll look it

up and throw it down into the

891

Alexandra: yes, I think it's the

High Five Habit or something.

892

Something like that.

893

Christine: five

894

Alexandra: I think so.

895

Christine: oh

896

Alexandra: we both

really Mel Robbins work.

897

So.

898

Christine: I'm, well, I'm just

recently discovering her more and

899

more, so I'm not familiar with this

other book you're talking about.

900

Alexandra: Okay.

901

And I know that there's one that's

like the, the dreaded four letter

902

F word and it's the word fine.

903

She's got some a TED

talk on that plus a book.

904

So I think I wanna talk about

that at some point later.

905

But I, anyways.

906

Christine, any of their last

pieces, pieces of advice that you

907

wanna give to our listeners today?

908

What they can take away

and put into practice?

909

Christine: So I guess the one sort

of takeaway I'm certainly taking away

910

from this conversation is that this

is definitely something like you're

911

gonna continuously ruminate on.

912

I certainly know I will be, and.

913

I think

914

try and find the levity in,

in these situations too.

915

I think that's important.

916

and just be kind to yourself

and to, to others around you.

917

We're all trying to do this great

experiment thing called life, so

918

we're not gonna be perfect at it.

919

Yeah.

920

Alexandra: a, a friend tell me

recently, be kind to your past self too.

921

Don't judge your past self for what you

know today that you didn't know then.

922

Christine: Yeah,

923

Alexandra: So, particularly as

you think about friendships that

924

have fallen by the wayside, it's

925

Christine: Yeah.

926

Alexandra: don't be overly harsh.

927

Christine: show your past self-love.

928

Alexandra: Yeah.

929

Christine: and show them love

because they were doing the best

930

they could with what they had, with

the tools they had at the time.

931

Alexandra: And that's a

wrap on today's episode.

932

I think we've certainly talked

our listeners ears off for quite

933

a while, and we hope that this

conversation has resonated with you.

934

Whether you're reflecting on friendships

that have shaped your life, ones you have

935

outgrown, or the one connections that

continue to evolve with you, remember,

936

it's okay to let go, to grow and to

honor the roles people played in your

937

story without holding onto them forever.

938

But the conversation

doesn't stop here next week.

939

We're diving into something that feels

especially relevant after today's

940

topic, making friends as an adult,

why is it so different and honestly,

941

so much harder than it was when we

were kids who were at university.

942

We'll share our own experiences,

the awkwardness, the wins, and the

943

lessons we've learned along the way.

944

Until then, take care.

945

Be kind to yourself and as

always, thank you for being

946

a part of The Mirror Project.

947

Christine: Hi guys.

948

See you soon.

949

Alexandra: Bye.