What if the critical voice telling you "you're not good enough" isn't actually yours? In this raw and transformative conversation, emotional mastery coach Lenora Edwards reveals how she discovered that her decades-long eating disorder and crippling self-doubt were driven by inherited voices from her past - not her authentic self. She shares her breakthrough moment in a dentist's chair that led to developing the SHIFT Protocol, a practical method for identifying whose voice is really speaking in your head and trading limiting thoughts for empowering ones. If you've ever struggled with imposter syndrome, emotional overwhelm, or feeling stuck despite your success, this episode offers a powerful roadmap for reclaiming control of your inner dialogue and, ultimately, your life.

What You'll Learn

• Why the limiting beliefs holding you back aren't actually "yours" and where they really come from
• The 5-step SHIFT Protocol for transforming negative thoughts in real-time
• How to distinguish between inherited shame voices and your authentic inner wisdom
• Why trading thoughts works better than trying to transform them completely
• The difference between confidence and certainty in leadership situations
• Practical strategies for setting boundaries without people-pleasing or emotional overwhelm

Resources

Guest Links:

• Lenora's Website: https://driventobebetter.com/
• Lenora's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lenora-edwards-m-s-941b1452/

Conversations that Grow Ecosystem:

• Conversations that Grow Home: https://conversationsthatgrowpodcast.com/
• Podjunction: https://podjunction.com/

I see it as quite literally a superpower.

It's something that to create as an art, let this be an art in your life.

The art of positive thinking, the art of your self-talk, being so good that you

are the guard and you are the commander.

You are the king or the queen of your world.

Welcome to Conversations That Grow, where we explore how meaningful

conversations can help you expand your influence, build your authority, and

grow your business in unexpected ways.

Today I'm joined by Lenora Edwards.

She's a TEDx speaker.

Author, emotional Mastery coach and creator of the Be Free

Method and Shift Protocol.

With over a decade of experience as a board certified speech language

pathologist, Lenora helps high achieving leaders reclaim control from

emotional overwhelm and find freedom in their food focus and performance.

Lenora, welcome to the show.

Hi.

How are you doing this morning or this afternoon I should

afternoon?

Yeah, afternoon for me.

I'm

well.

How about you?

I am doing great.

Thank you so much for having me.

I'm so excited to spend time with you and to have this great conversation.

I know we did some pre-talk, so we are good to go on that one.

we are.

No, it's my pleasure for to have you here with us.

Lenora.

Can you think of a conversation that changed the way you viewed

business or um, the way you lead?

Oh gosh.

I could think of a lot of conversations.

Um, one of them, and it wasn't even a conversation, it was actually a quote.

I've carried with me my entire life when I was very, very little.

My dad used to tuck us in at night, so my mom would work the night shift and

she was a night shift nurse, and my dad would tuck my sister in and as we

go to sleep and every night he would go through this beautiful, like what

we would call humming us to sleep.

And I think it was probably like maybe 30 seconds of him humming a lulla,

a lullaby, and then he would say.

Who do mommy, daddy and Danielle Love the most, and I would say

me and who's the smartest girl.

And I would say me and he goes, but your mind can conceive and believe.

And we were then supposed to say, you can achieve.

When I was very little, it was, you can have a piece of cheese.

But as I got older and I understood the quote and the idea behind

this, it's one that really has echoed throughout my entire life.

And you know, there's, especially when you get into the.

Personal growth world and understanding positive thinking and

the importance of positive thinking.

There are people that can kind of knock this phrase around a little bit

or this quote around a little bit.

But really when you drill down to it, what your mind can conceive and believe

you can achieve, and it really, on the surface it sounds like, oh, you can go

for anything and you'll totally get it.

As you dig deeper and as you go deeper within yourself and into that

personal growth of knowing yourself better, it really starts to take on a

completely different life of its own and it's, it's really quite pivotal.

So that would be the earliest one I have of a pivotal conversation of

really having that leadership and that empowered mindset of taking care

of yourself to your highest ability.

Wow.

I love that Lenora.

Repeat that quote for us again for the people in the back

and also, and also, tell us, um, how that's guided you.

The quote is by Napoleon Hill and it says what your mind can conceive

and believe you can achieve.

And it's really guided me because it's not, especially when if

people are in the growth mindset.

There's this one movie that came out very, very many years ago and I kind of called

it the infomercial of, um, what I call it, the infomercial of the Self-Help World.

And it's the movie The Secret, and it really talks about the law of attraction.

And in it, they communicated it as if it was completely like super easy, 1, 2, 3.

And when you start to really dig into yourself and figure out the ideas and

the thoughts that you're holding onto.

That are quite literally holding you back and keeping you stuck.

You have to start to play with this quote that says what your

mind can conceive and believe.

And if you're paying attention to the voices in your head and, and

there's one thing I absolutely love to talk about are the voices in your

head because they rule all of you.

So as you start to drill down and go, okay, well why do I think that?

Why do I think I'm not enough?

When did I decide that?

How am I not worthy of this?

When did I decide I'm not good enough who taught me this?

When we can start to really reflect on our thoughts and reflect on them and,

and not judge them, and not judge the people that whether for good or for

worse, they pass them along to us, we really start to shift our mind, and

that is truly, truly important because we are the keeper of our thoughts.

What thoughts do we have that we really, really love?

And what thoughts do we have that we really don't like and the voices in

our head are the thoughts in our head.

That's fascinating.

Lenora, I'm, I'm really keen to talk more with you about

that inner dialogue that you're

referring to, but before we go there, I just wanna quickly ask, um, have

you ever asked your dad or had a conversation with your dad about

why he used to quote that to you?

That one very specifically.

I think it was because, that's a really great question.

I don't think I've ever actually asked him, or at least not one, as an adult

version of this version that we have.

But, uh, my lovely age of 40, which I absolutely just turned 40, and I love it.

The, I know he knew a lot about the importance of positive thinking.

He was always very, very encouraging and thankfully he

still is always very encouraging.

Thankfully he's still, um, with us and he understood that to the

level that he understood that.

I don't know.

I know in my, in my very own personal growth, as new generations come into

the world, they are more advanced than the previous generation.

So it's a seed that was planted and it was continued to be nurtured not

only by him, but also, or my parents actually, and my family, but really

through myself because there were definitely things that got planted and

voices that I had to combat that weren't necessarily all rainbows and sunshine.

Yeah.

That's

great, Thank you for

is a great thing though.

I'm gonna actually message him later and go, where did you come up with this quote?

I'm betting, it's from the book.

I just don't know where he, he decided to start telling us that

yeah.

that with us.

That's a great one.

Yeah.

'cause um, I mean obviously it's stayed with you and it's become a big part

of who you

so.

Very much so.

Yeah.

Um, okay.

Thank you.

So let's talk about that inner dialogue.

And I know, um, you've just mentioned it now too, but I, I would really

like to know, um, what you think this, or why rather you think this

inner dialogue has such a impact on leadership and business outcomes.

Our inner dialogue, so, and I know you, you probably have a very good

understanding of this, really comes from our environment where we grew

up, who we grew up around, and.

This, all this, these insights did not come from my background

as a speech language pathologist.

As a speech language pathologist, I understand the mechanics

of how the brain develops.

I understand how we acquire language, how we express language, but who writes

the script and those who write the script are the environments that we're in.

It's the people that were around.

It's the stories that we hear.

It's the magazine articles, it's the music, it's the news, everything.

Shaping your perception of who you believe you are and who you believe is around you.

And when you can start to notice that, that can be really helpful.

For example, as we all have an inner critic, were we born with

the idea that we are not worthy?

We born with the idea that we were not enough, and the answer is no.

'cause we had.

No concept.

We had no foundation of what enough was.

We didn't know the difference between a spoon and a doorknob.

There was no possible way

that we had this understanding.

So when we start to reflect on that and, and dig a little bit deeper and

go, okay, well where did this start?

How did I come to this conclusion?

And really it's through our experiences, it's through our memories and.

As we're having our experience in life, we pick up recordings, we pick up people's

voices, we pick up people's thoughts, and then they become the narratives

in our head so we can start to notice.

If we're thinking I'm an imposter, I'm not good enough.

I, I shouldn't be in this role, there's no way I could be a CEO.

Why did I ever think I could be in charge of my own company?

They're giving me thousands of dollars.

What did I, the millions of dollars?

How did I even think that this was possible?

We're all gonna have that thought in some way, shape, or form.

Doesn't matter who you are.

You're coming in with this idea of, how did I get here?

I, I have no idea.

When we start to drill down and we start to think, am I worthy of being here?

Do I, do I deserve to be a leader?

Do I even deserve love?

We can start to notice that there's a recording in our head.

There's a voice.

Is it our voice or is it somebody else's voice?

And that can make a huge difference.

And a lot of the time my clients will share with me, well, it's my voice.

And I'll say, okay, no problem.

Who taught you how to say that sentence?

Who taught you that thought?

then we go through the memory.

And in that there's often an experience where that version of

them decided, oh, this makes sense.

Boom.

And they kept the thought and they believed it, and it repeated

itself again and again and again.

And that's really how things line up.

And we can consciously sit here and think.

I can kind of understand it, but what I, I know better now.

I'm 40 years old.

I know better.

But that version of you has no idea because the memory that's in the

program that's in you says otherwise.

I can imagine that, you know, with, with what you've just said, or I know

rather, and that it would, it takes a lot of, um, work to unpick some of those.

Thoughts that have become a reality

For for us, right?

Um, I guess in that unpicking, how do you figure out

what you are grounded in?

So it might be an external thought or words that you need to think, okay,

these are not part of who I am, this is from outside, this is not me.

But equally, how do we know that our own thoughts.

Are grounded in the right place.

Do you see what

I'm saying?

Completely.

And I absolutely love that question.

And for, for in, in the world, according to Lenora and the things that I have

understood, we have thoughts and then we have feelings about those thoughts.

And a lot of the time our culture might think like, our mind is

over here, our bodies over here.

My exercise routine is over there, my relationship is over there.

It's all, it's all compartmentalized and it's not.

It's really all enmeshed.

Your body and your mind are one.

So how do we really know?

Are you sure there were one ra?

Well, if you ever, have you ever been in a fight, for example, I've

not, not a physical fight, but have you ever argued with somebody?

I certainly have,

and there's a very specific feeling that comes up and you'll hear it in somebody's

language and they'll go, Ugh, I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Again, that's where your body holds the memory.

Of all the fights that feel like this, they know exactly, and you can

say the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, that's your body saying,

we've stored this information for you.

It's down here, it's in your stomach.

It's the sinking feeling and it feels like this.

That's the memory of it.

So a lot of the time what I ask my clients to do, I'll say, okay, well tell me a bit

more about that as they're telling me.

They're feeling this way.

Their words are literally telling us the location of that feeling and that

sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Every time I get in a fight with this person, that feeling comes up.

Perfect.

This is great.

Now we have the location of it in your body, and what we do is we walk through

and quite literally get the junk out of your body because you don't need it.

The reason that it's there is because ultimately it's protecting you.

So how do we know what's really my thought or what's just a bad experience?

You know, by your feelings.

Your body is telling you everything that you need to know

about how you feel on something.

So for example, if I had asked a mother and I said, do you love your children?

very loving mother who loves her children would go, yes, of course.

I love my children.

Say, how do you know?

I just, I feel it.

I feel just so overwhelmed.

It just fills me with so much joy.

My heart is exploding.

They're telling you how they feel about that experience.

That's a great thing too.

Or even if you think back to like maybe your, one of your most

favorite birthdays and you, oh wow.

Tell me about it.

Oh, there were these pink balloons everywhere and there was so many

people and everybody's laughing, and then there was this magician

and this had a great time.

You see this quite literally express in their face through their emotions.

And you say, tell me a bit more about that feeling.

Where do you feel it?

Oh, it's in my heart, or, oh, it's in my stomach now.

It's just everywhere.

That's how they feel about that.

So when we start to get into things like imposter syndrome or feeling like they're

not enough, how do you feel about that?

And you start to talk with them, and you listen for it in their language.

People are constantly telling us how we feel, which is a great thing.

It all comes back to a feeling and how it makes them feel.

It's literally being communicated through the body.

And sometimes, um, one of my clients will say, you know, I, I don't

know, Lenore, it's just in my head.

It's, it's here.

I don't, you can't tell.

It's not in my body, it's in my head.

Okay.

Just tell me a little bit more about that.

And a lot of the times something will come up, maybe they got bullied in

football practice or maybe somebody really picked on them in, in.

When they were 22 and there was hazing going on in a fraternity

or something like that.

And what that is, is that's your body holding onto the experience

going, this wasn't really good.

We need to just like keep reminding you of this so that it doesn't happen again.

And that's great.

We're designed that way.

That's a beautiful protective mechanism.

How we use that is up to us and that's how we start to shift that

voice or we shift that experience.

We do that through the mind and the body.

Same way?

That's really interesting.

What about, um, I think we're all, I think we're all pretty

good at hiding things too.

So while we may say, oh, that was great and this,

you know, I love the balloons and I love the cake and I love the

decorations because I think we're good at reading people too and reading

the situation so we know what the other person needs to hear, but.

What about that stuff that we are hiding or, um, masking?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And, and there was a period in my life where I was such a good hider.

I did such a beautiful job of hiding an eating disorder.

And for me, there was so much shame.

There was so much embarrassment and ification going on in my own head.

That I could not tell anybody.

And I, and I've said this on a number of um, talks, I literally would've

taken it to the grave rather than had told somebody what was going on with

me because of how much shame there was.

And when we start to get into, for me very specifically, there was

an inner voice that would tell me.

I wasn't worthy of food.

I didn't deserve to eat.

I was too fat.

I should stop eating.

This isn't good for me.

Like it was just on, on, on quite literally all the time.

And even in, um, I, I did another talk, and it's not recognized as a

TEDx, but it is in that talk that I, I quite literally mentioned.

I would walk down the stairs and by the time I hit the platform, first thing

in the morning, out of bed, maybe 30 whole seconds, I could hear it coming.

It was coming at me like a freight train, this inner critic of nitpicking

over everything I ate, nitpicking over what I, what I should be doing,

that I should be running harder, that I shouldn't be doing this.

Just tons and tons of very critical thoughts.

And I hid that for well over two decades of my life.

And it just got progressively worse and worse and worse to the point

that I was sitting in the dentist chair getting another false tooth

as a result of an eating disorder.

That my brain was finally, from the number of things that it was screaming between

the amount of money that I have invested in attempting to self-help myself through

this, between podcasts and YouTube hours and, uh, programs that I would invest in.

The other thought was, how many more teeth are you gonna have to lose

Lenora to realize you really need help?

You're not gonna get out of this on your own.

And I ca and came down to the conclusion of.

What might you not know yet?

What might you still need to learn?

And in that case, I started to reach out to professionals for help.

And the professionals that I reached out to were, um, nobody that I knew.

Literally the, the number of coaches that I met before I met, I think

I did, worked with two coaches.

When I realized, I was like, okay, this coach took me as far as they could.

I would not even tell the, the coach that, or the practitioner why I was there.

I just would say like, oh, you know, I have a really tough mindset,

or like a really negative voice.

By the time that I reached that third practitioner, I had spent

20 hours over time, over like a couple of weeks with him via Zoom.

He had no idea who I was.

He, there was no way we were ever gonna cross paths, so I could easily

hang up on this person if I wanted to.

By the time that.

We were about 20 hours in before I even told him why I was there.

And people might say like, geez, Leor, that's a, that's an awful lot of time.

It, it was how I processed it.

Not everybody is like that.

But there was so much fear in my system of being shamed.

'cause I was shaming myself.

The inner critics, the inner voices were shaming the bananas

out of me on a regular basis.

And when I, and I even wrote about this in my book and it's

in, um, it's in chapter eight.

And I tell a story about me being on the, on the phone with this

practitioner that I was working with.

And as the words are coming out of my mouth, I am literally

in the front seat of my car.

'cause that was the only place that I felt safe to have a conversation

where nobody could hear me.

So I was in a parking lot in the front seat of my car on,

on Zoom with the practitioner.

And I had said to him, this what was what I was experiencing from

an eating disorder standpoint.

And he goes, it's okay.

And there was no criticism, there was no shame, there was

no judgment, there was nothing.

But it's okay.

I see you and I'm gonna help.

You want help?

I'm right here.

Just hang on.

And it was one of the most pivotal things in my entire life.

To the point that by the, by the end of our work together, it was quite literally,

you need to do this with your life lenor because you know how awful you were.

You need to, you need to, this is your mission.

This is all that matters.

And helping people deviate around those voices, helping people navigate those

inner voices is truly my life's passion.

And it is the only thing that I do at this point because I am that passionate

about helping people find relief.

From their own inner critic, their own inner turmoil.

Wow.

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Um, okay.

So you felt intense shame.

You were horrified by the things that were going

on in your head.

You didn't wanna voice them

and especially, um, to anyone who you might know.

Um, and then you started talking to this professional and you, you said you

spoke for 20 hours before you actually,

you know,

I was even there.

the dis the eating

disorder.

What were those 20 hours like?

What were you talking about in the lead up to that?

Uh, things like negative self talk.

Um.

about, and it wasn't even, and a lot of the work that I do, even to this point,

yes we do a lot of conversational work, but a lot of it was also just quite

literally coming down into my body

to feel like I could have a conversation.

So, um, one of them in particular was I was, where I was at that point, I

was having a fight with my husband and I couldn't figure out how to.

Navigate it.

Like anytime I would go to hold a boundary, anytime I would

go to stand up for myself, my husband's a very lovely person.

Do not get me wrong.

I just didn't know how to have a boundary.

I didn't know how to speak up for myself.

When I would have disagreements with other people, whether they were colleagues

or people in my family, I didn't know how to speak up for myself without

reverting to either screaming or crying.

It was quite literally difficult for me to have that.

And in, when we start to talk about people who are experiencing a lot of,

whether it's emotional eating or an eating disorder, or any time that they're,

they're feeling like they're relying on food and they don't need to be.

Mm-hmm.

A lot of the time it is because of there's a lack of control,

there's a lack of safety there.

Also, when you think about it, somebody who's eating.

Especially for somebody who can't hold a boundary, who can't stick up for herself

or who can't say like, this is how I feel and I'm not gonna feel ashamed about it.

As they eat, they're swallowing and they're going past the channel of

their voice to the point that they're quite literally swallowing their

words and they're stuffing them down.

And that was absolutely true for me.

So among the many things that we were talking about, whether it was.

How to stand up for myself, how to tactfully speak for myself, to not have my

voice go up like this when I was holding a boundary, and to actually have that

certainty that comes down into my body.

There were so many other things that we were talking about, and the the

practitioner that I had worked with, he's incredibly skilled, so we were

talking about things from conversational.

Abilities to communicate.

We were talking about things of how to quite literally

create the life that we want.

We were talking about positive thinking, we're talking about

so many different things.

So it's not just, he was not just skilled at this one area.

He, he's incredibly skilled at many, many areas and, and I still work with

him today and do lots of different things and we teach at conferences and stuff.

So it really goes back to.

If you decide to work with a coach or if you decide to work with a therapist,

whatever it is for you, the only thing that matters is, is it right for you?

Because somebody can change your life, and it could quite literally

be somebody you met on a subway and had a conversation with.

It does not have to be somebody that is, you know, all these

accolades and you know, all these medals and things like that.

If you're looking for help, if you're wanting a shift in your life.

That simple intention of I want help can be massively powerful

and empowering to support you to continue on your path to get help.

So a conversation with somebody can absolutely, your podcast absolutely

changes people's lives every single day.

And people then feel that empowered, feel that support,

feel that, aha, I can keep going.

I can go ask for help.

I. It's good to ask for help.

It's good to continue to learn and to grow.

And there can be so many people that say like, oh, you, you're,

you're into that personal growth.

You have a coach, you go to a therapist.

Like there's so much judgment and so much shame coming toward them.

And when people say that to me, I'm like, yeah, I am that important to me.

I want to help myself that much, and I want to help other people that much.

That's why I work with coaches.

That's why I work with practitioners and clinicians.

In addition to having them as my clients, that's also why I go and I

work with people 'cause I want to learn more so I can better help more people.

Wow.

You know, um, Lenora, a lot of what you're saying resonates.

I've, um, I, I struggled with an eating disorder too, and I totally

hear what you're saying about that.

Shame, uh, not asking for help.

Not knowing how to create those healthy boundaries or boundaries

at all.

Oh yeah.

It's hard for women too.

I think it's hard for men, but it's also hard for women

Hmm.

because we're often taught other people come first.

You come last.

Everybody else comes first.

Yeah.

Yeah, because

it's, you know, like, I have no problem.

I, at the time, I had no problem having, um, boundaries for other

people and helping them to see

those boundaries and help, uh, help,

you know, getting help on their behalf or whatever.

But it, when it can't comes to yourself,

it's, it's much harder to do.

Um, but I know, um, from experience that it is.

It is a process.

It's not

something that just happens overnight.

So I'm keen

Can't order 'em on Amazon, honestly.

No, um, but I'm keen to know what that, in that process for you,

what was that inner dialogue like?

For, for very specifically in getting help or, or what did the boundaries sound like?

um, both.

Uh, very specifically for getting help was, um, there were, there were a number

of things of, maybe there's something you just don't know yet, but there was also

the tallying of the money and the hours.

I had invested, and it really was, you know, people will say like, oh, it was

an aha moment, or It was a divine moment.

This divine moment was not filled with angels and sunshine and rainbows.

It was filled with tears and a needle and a drill in my head and

the tallying of thousands of hours and thousands of dollars that I had

invested in trying to help myself.

So that inner dialogue really was.

You gotta find something else, Lenora, 'cause this isn't working.

And as, as, and as helpful as it was, it was still filled with so much shame.

But here were my alternatives.

Lose more tafe

Hmm.

or start asking for help.

And when I decided to start asking for help, it really was one of the, one of

the journeys that completely shifted my life because I didn't understand.

What a conversation felt like.

That felt safe.

Now people might think like, what?

Nobody ever talked kindly to you.

And it wasn't that it was that there was just a, a narrative in

my nervous system that go, that went like, did you just say that?

Oh my God, you weren't nice.

Oh my God, you, you said something and what was wrong with you?

Why did you say that?

Like there was just this inner panic of saying something.

Other than, hi, have a great day.

I hope you're doing well.

And you could even, you were able to hear it in my voice.

I know distinctly when I talk like this, I'm really in my people

pleasing mode and I'm back to being the president of the People Pleaser

Society and I can't live there anymore.

And so now I've learned to stay in a different space and it

really is the practice of that on a very continuous basis.

And the.

The conversation of not being able to hold a boundary looked, just like I

said, there was this inner narrative going on in my head on a regular basis

that I had no idea was not a normal thing for normal people or not a

thing for a, not even normal people.

It was not a thing for, for people who felt calm, who felt certain.

Who were proud to stand in their body and say, this is my thought.

You don't agree with it, that's okay.

I'm not gonna feel bad about my thought because I would just think,

oh my God, I didn't agree with them.

They're gonna think I don't like them, or they're not gonna like me, or whatever.

Narrative was going on.

And it really was what you would if you, if you ever sit down and you

reflect on your thoughts, you'll notice.

Different versions of yourself and you're like, oh, that sounds

like a 12-year-old version of me.

Oh, that sounds like the, the competent woman version of me that is

definitely running her own business.

Oh, that sounds like a very scared little girl version of me.

When we start to notice the recordings, that's where we quite literally start

to notice the narratives in our head and what we believe about ourselves.

I believed that if I didn't agree with somebody, they weren't gonna

like me and I was gonna be left alone.

And I, that, that was the worst thing.

Worst thing in my head, I no longer believe that if somebody

doesn't agree with me or I don't agree with them, I'm okay.

They're okay.

And the world keeps spinning.

That is a much more helpful, supportive thought for me to carry.

Hmm.

Yes, I can see that.

What would, um, so if this was a business setting

and, um, you are trying to have healthy boundaries or ask for help or, um,

yeah, let's go with those, what kinds of internal dialogue would you be

needing to have in those situations?

The internal dialogue, but also the feeling to have healthy boundaries and

to be able to stand there, you want to have what I call the posture of it.

If somebody had said Lenora, um, you know, are you able to do this deal?

And I looked like, yeah, I can do it.

Yeah, not, it's not a problem.

And you can see this entire posture start to go up.

My eyes get wide, my voice goes up, that calm peacefulness.

There's a certainty and there are plenty of people that can

fake it and just, yeah, I got it.

No problem.

And they have an inner dialogue of, oh my God.

But for me, the most aligned feeling is when I can hear something.

I can receive it and I know congruently.

Yeah, I got that.

We're good.

No problem.

And it's quite literally a relaxed feeling, but also a very

neutral and natural feeling.

It's not this extreme of, oh my God, I can't, and it's not

this extreme of Yeah, it's just

Confidence.

There's a lot of certainty.

Even if you want, some people might call it confidence.

I tend to call it certainty.

I am certain of my skills.

I am certain that I will know how to ask for help.

There was a point in my life where I was like, oh my God,

I'm certain I will find a way.

I am certain that I will do my absolute best.

Those are very congruent for me.

If you had said, Lenora, can you go into this lab and create

a cure for such and such?

Nope, I don't got that.

That's not me.

I'll figure out how to get the people in there that can do that better than I can.

That's on me,

Yeah.

What

and that's how I feel about certainty and just what alignment looks like for me.

no, that's helpful.

I'm curious, um, why or what you see the difference between

confidence versus certainty.

I think confidence is at, least for me, the when, when I used to think

of it, confidence as in I know I can, I can show up, I can go on

stage and I can absolutely do that.

Certainty.

Is that inner?

I can, I can show you that I'm confident, which would be much more external.

Mm-hmm.

That certainty is that internal sensation through your nervous system that you've

got this, no problem, I will be there.

That to me is the, the distinction between them.

Cool.

Thank you.

Um, I know you do a lot to, to help businesses.

You've got tools and frameworks for growth.

So, um, I'd love to just, um, talk a little bit about that too.

Um, could you tell us what the shift protocol is and how that helps leaders

who help, or sorry, who feel stuck, anxious, or, um, emotionally overwhelmed.

Completely, and I will be sure to actually send you the PDF

so you can all download it.

The shift protocol is a five, very specifically five step protocol,

five letter word, five steps, and it will help you understand how to

spot your negative thoughts and how to shift them anywhere, anytime.

For your negative thought, let's say I'm not worthy enough, or I, they just gave

me this project and there's no way that I can accomplish it, or I have to do

this deal and whatever the case may be.

Okay, so that first thought that comes up, you wanna spot it.

S stands for spot when you can spot that negative thought or

that limiting thought or that.

Um, less than positive thought.

When you can spot it, this is a good thing.

Next, you're gonna h you're gonna hear it, and this is super important.

When you hear it, whose voice is it?

Is it your voice?

Is it the voice of a caregiver?

Is it the voice of a bully that might, might've been in your life?

Is it a voice of a coach that might've been in your life?

Whose voice is it I is to investigate?

You're quite literally gonna take that thought and put it out on the

table and go, okay, I've spotted it.

I've heard whose voice is it?

Now I'm gonna investigate it.

When did I decide to start thinking this thought?

What?

How did this come over?

And then you're gonna start to shift your thinking in that.

you can't pinpoint and you can't investigate that thought, you

wanna start noticing who can help me frame it in a different light.

Is it an older version of you?

Is it a parent?

Is it a guardian?

Is it a best friend?

Is it an archangel who can help you frame this quite literally

and see it in a different light?

So when it's out on the table, you're investigating it, you're

looking at it and you're going, how else might I think of this?

Who else might me help?

Who else might help me see this thought in a different way?

So if it's something like, I'm not worthy of this deal, or I'm

not worthy of this new position, who might come in to help me.

Really see the truth that I'm, that I am worthy of this position.

It might be your best friend.

Great.

Bring 'em on into your head.

What are they saying to you?

As you start to frame it in a different light, you're quite

literally gonna trade it.

T in for a new

Hmm.

My best friend says that I can do this job.

Okay?

So rather than thinking, I'm not worthy of this new role, I'm not

worthy of this deal, I'm gonna trade it in for a new thought.

Maybe.

Maybe I can start to see it in a different way.

I'm learning to get better and to recognize my own worth in this new role.

If I didn't have the skillset to get here, I would not have even experienced this.

So maybe there is something worthy about me.

What might that be?

And there's very specifically a reason that this is to trade in the thought

and not to transform the thought to go from, I'm not worthy of this.

Or I'm not good enough for this.

Two, I'm totally worthy of it is extraordinarily difficult.

It's a very big jump.

You wanna trade it in for a bit of a better feeling thought.

And why is that so important?

Your thoughts are resonating through your entire body.

That is what you quite literally believe.

So to entirely shift the I'm not worthy into, I'm fully

worthy, can be a bit of a jump.

But to shift it into.

I'm learning my worthiness a little bit more each day.

It's a huge shift and still able to quite literally resonate through

your body so that your unconscious mind goes, oh yeah, that's true.

I, I can get, I, I've done that before.

Yeah, that's, that's definitely normal.

It recognizes it differently and your frequency, your

energy, your feeling changes.

When you change your feeling.

You quite literally have.

The mindset that is going to help you accomplish whatever it is

you're sitting out to accomplish that puts you in that direction.

And this is something, and I love the the term, um, the quote by Jim Rohn.

And he says, every day stand guard of the doorway of your mind.

I used to think that this meant from like people out here,

Hmm.

to stand guard of the doorway of your mind also means to stand guard at the doorway

of your mind from your inner critic.

Your inner critic is designed to help you.

A little too well, sometimes it'll hold you back a little too much.

That being said, the inner critic doesn't rule the show.

You rule the show, you have to train your inner critic to know when to come

on and to also know when to sit down.

'cause it's not always right, even though it thinks it's always right.

Yeah.

I love that.

So spot here.

Investigate frame trade.

Um, I, listening to you speak, I was, I was, um, thinking

about actually our lives are.

Um, well, they're a journey, aren't they?

It's, it's a process and we're always in the process.

We don't actually really arrive in some sense,

you know, we, it's because we are human.

And um, so I think embracing that, and when you say trade rather

than like, you know, completely go, um, transform right away, I think,

um, embracing that is so healthy

Very

' cause we can beat ourselves up for not mastering that right away.

for sure, and this is something I share with a lot of parents,

even help your kids to do this.

If you hear their negative thinking or their self-limiting thinking or their less

than positive thoughts and they're like, I can't do that, or I can't make the team,

I. Or I'm not good enough for the team.

It's something to support them in, teach them this protocol.

Walk through them, walk them through this and go, okay, well if that's

what you think, that's okay, who else might we be able to ask for help?

They might say a coach, they might say they're best friend.

They might say whatever, um, character is on tv.

If that's what inspires them, if that, that's what moves them.

That's a great thing.

Encourage them to do this because what that's going to quite literally

build is the resilient mindset and that ability to shift their thinking.

And one thing that I got told quite often was like, oh,

you're just a positive thinker.

You just have rose colored glasses.

And it was quite literally talked down like people put me down for that because

I didn't necessarily have like this negative thought process on the regular.

I did for a period of time that really didn't serve me, and now I see

it as quite literally a superpower.

It's something that to create as an art, let this be an art in your life.

The art of positive thinking, the art of your self-talk, being so good that you

are the guard and you are the commander.

You are the king or the queen of your world.

You get to choose what comes in.

You get to choose what stays.

It is an art.

It's not just like, oh, I never had a negative thought

Again, it's literally ongoing,

allowing yourself to say, okay, well how might I shift this thought?

How might I have a better feeling thought because it does really matter.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Lenora, what kind of changes do you typically see when you're working

with leaders and they're starting to master their internal conversations?

Nations.

I love that.

That's such a great question.

Uh, very specifically, I, I walk them through what I affectionately refer to as

my Be Free method, and it's B-E-F-R-E-E.

And I do write about this in, in my book and really.

The Be free method in this case is based on emotional eating or people who are

having challenges with food in their body.

The core though of Be Free is an identity shift protocol.

If we are identifying as less than worthy, if we are identifying as

somebody who doesn't have enough, if we're identifying as somebody who isn't

a strong leader, this is something that we absolutely want to address

and we want to be able to shift.

Thinking, and we do this systematically by walking them through this identity method.

Free shifting begin, we begin with awareness, and then we quite literally

finish with evolution of self.

And it, that's exactly the, the protocol that we follow

because it really does matter.

And the best thing is to walk with somebody who has walked that path before.

For someone listening today who might feel.

Um, stuck or misaligned, what's that first conversation you

would encourage them to have?

Whether it's an, an inner dialogue or with someone else?

One of the best things to do would be to grab a pen and paper

and to write down what's going on and to let your pen flow, and even if you write.

All these things down that you don't like, and you quite literally

then write down what you're wanting, what you're intending.

Be the observer of it.

Don't shame yourself for it.

Don't judge yourself for it.

It simply is, and that's a great thing when you can quite literally

allow yourself to just look at how you feel without shame,

without judgment, without guilt.

It's extraordinarily powerful.

And if somebody's wanting to work with somebody.

There are so many fantastic coaches and practitioners and leaders out there.

Find what works for you.

So the, the way that I like to think of this is, you know, some people

might tell me like, oh, therapy's not for me, and therapy might not be

for you if you had a bad experience.

That's no problem.

Was it therapy or was it the practitioner?

Was it the person that you were with?

A lot of the time, especially when it comes to our own

development, our own growth.

I like to think of it a little bit like dating the first boyfriend I had,

it was not the man that I married.

That was important to know.

And, uh, and even, you know, think about your first doctor, your

first pediatrician is probably not the doctor that you have now.

Allow yourself to really notice what you like about people, but

also how you want to feel with them.

Something that was extraordinarily powerful for me was.

Especially the practitioner and the coach that I work with

still is, there is no shame.

Shame is something that I can quite literally, I can detect

that from 2000 miles away.

I can feel it in my nervous system, and my nervous system will quite

literally tell me like, Ooh, I do not like this feeling over here.

I don't like the feeling of being shamed.

They don't like the feeling of being put down.

So when somebody's talking to you, notice how you feel in their presence.

Is it warm?

Is it inviting?

Is it like sitting down with somebody that really cares about you?

If that's what you're looking for, great.

Those are the things that are important to you.

Write them down.

What do you like in that relationship?

I, I like somebody who understands.

I like somebody who is nonjudgmental.

I like somebody who's creative.

I like somebody who will tell me without a shadow of a doubt.

The direction I need to go in.

I like somebody who's trustworthy and who's certain,

whatever it might be for you.

It's different for everybody.

Write down what you like and what resonates with you.

'cause that's going to guide you on who can help and also who

can get you to the next level.

People, especially CEOs and leaders of all sorts of Simon Sinek and, and, um, Jesse

Eisen Eisenberg, I think his name is.

Or David Goggins, you know.

These great leaders and other, other Brene Brown, so many, so many wonderful

people, Wayne Dyer, they all had mentors.

They all had coaches, they all worked with other people.

They didn't just wake up one day and think like this.

They understood, oh, people, certain people resonate with me and I gotta

get to know myself better so I can really experience more of myself,

but also more of other people.

If somebody resonates with you, great.

If somebody resonates with you for six hours and you feel, okay, cool.

I need somebody else.

Now I've gotten to the level that I want.

Great.

Keep going.

And you said it beautifully.

It's a journey in my, in my thoughts.

It's an ongoing upward ascension that does not stop.

It just keeps going and going, and.

That's, that's what resonates for me.

That's what I like, so that model fits for me.

If it doesn't fit for other people, that's okay.

Toss it out the window.

Figure out what works for you because there is nobody more important than you.

Thank you, Lenora.

That's really helpful and I can attest that writing things down

is just so powerfully helpful.

I have like 15 journals back here.

Um, Lenora, thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom with us today.

Thank you for having me.

I was actually really curious if there was a quote that resonated with

you or if there was a conversation that really shifted your life.

Well, there's lots, but in the.

In the context of this conversation and some of the things you were

saying, um, in the Bible it says,

take captive every thought

Mm.

and, um, make it obedient to Christ.

And for

me as a believer, that was, that was the.

The crux, I would say that really helped me come out of my eating disorder.

It was, it was, it was a journey.

It was a, it was a process where

every time, you know, you talked about it in the shift acronym,

it was very much like as soon as you get something that you

know is not right and is not

gonna be helpful and not, um,

not, um.

Not helpful

then to be able to understand where, what it is and to be able to block it out.

Like that's

not something I'm gonna entertain, I'm gonna carry on with what I know.

'cause I

think our feelings and our emotions can shift so much as, you know, you

know what it's like going through that

process and it's, it can become very much about how you feel, but it's

about getting that balance right

of what you know is true.

And what feelings need to go with that truth, right.

And um, so yeah, that's what I would,

I love that.

That's such a beautiful one.

Thank you for sharing that.

Oh, thank you for asking

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Lenora.

If someone wants to learn more about you, your work, and connect with

you directly, where should they go?

The best place to reach me is at my website, driventobebetter.com.

Thank you for asking that.

Yes.

Thank you.

So for those listening in, thank you for being here with us.

All of them or the, the link, sorry that Lenora just mentioned, can be

found on in the show description.

And if you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to subscribe and leave a review.

It really helps more people discover conversations like this.

And if you're curious about how podcasting can help you build authority

and grow your business, head over to pod junction.com to learn more.

Thanks for listening, and bye for now.