Today, we’ll be talking about the 1980 film The Blue Lagoon, which tells the story of children Emmeline and Richard who get shipwrecked on a desert island with an alcoholic yet incredibly handy cook named Paddy. Spoiler alert: Paddy dies after drinking an entire barrel full of rum, leaving these two completely clueless children alone, with nobody to tell them that getting it on with your first cousin is kinda gross. But that didn’t stop this film from TOTALLY going there. As the kids grow up, they figure out things about their bodies and learn the hard way (pun intended) how babies are made. All of this happens while they spill out some of the most frustratingly dumb dialogue of any movie I’ve seen.

The film stars Brooke Shields, Christopher Atkins, and Leo McKern as Paddy, and has a runtime of 1 hour and 44 minutes.

CREDITS

Hosts: Kristina "Krissie" Rettig & Erin Maxwell

Edited by: Russ Lichter

Theme Song by: Spooky Dan

Speaker: This movie was bad for my mental health.

Speaker: It was so bad for mine too.

Speaker: I just kept writing.

Speaker: Yikes on bikes.

Speaker: I mean, I wish I could show you all of my notes because so much

Speaker: of it is ack!

Speaker: Exclamation point, exclamation

Speaker: point, exclamation point and

Speaker: then OMG!

Speaker: And I can't believe they just did blah blah blah blah blah

Speaker: cinematic hot taste.

Speaker: Bad taste.

Speaker: We're bringing it back.

Speaker: Cinematic.

Speaker: Problematic.

Speaker: If it's got issues, we've got your back.

Speaker: Okay, welcome to Cinematic Problematics where we celebrate

Speaker: your guilty pleasures.

Speaker: I am Aaron Maxwell and I am Kristy Rettig, and today we'll

Speaker: be talking about the nineteen eighty film The Blue Lagoon,

Speaker: which tells the story of two small children, Emmeline and

Speaker: Richard, who get shipwrecked on a desert island with an

Speaker: alcoholic yet incredibly handy cook named Patty.

Speaker: Spoiler alert Patty dies after drinking an entire barrel of

Speaker: rum, leaving these two completely clueless children

Speaker: alone with nobody to tell them that getting it on with your

Speaker: first cousin is kind of gross.

Speaker: But that didn't stop this from totally going there.

Speaker: As the kids grow up, they figure things out about their bodies

Speaker: and learn the hard way, pun intended, how babies are made.

Speaker: All of this happens while they spill out some of the most

Speaker: frustratingly dumb dialogue of any movie I have ever seen.

Speaker: And description.

Speaker: Aaron.

Speaker: Well done.

Speaker: Thank you.

Speaker: Well done.

Speaker: I mean, that's basically all you need to know.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Um, this movie is part of a whole rash of, uh, late

Speaker: seventies, early eighties teensploitation movies that came

Speaker: out during that time that included Over the Edge in

Speaker: nineteen seventy nine, The Last American Virgin in nineteen

Speaker: eighty two, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Porky's, and

Speaker: unfortunately for Brooke Shields, uh, which she later

Speaker: very much regretted, uh, she became the face of this movement

Speaker: due to her previous work in Pretty Baby, which she played a

Speaker: twelve year old prostitute.

Speaker: It's.

Speaker: This movie's a lot.

Speaker: This movie's a lot.

Speaker: No. Look, Aaron and I have watched a lot of disturbing

Speaker: movies as part of this podcast.

Speaker: Listen, I live and breathe disturbing movies in my spare

Speaker: time, I love it.

Speaker: Like, every time I see a favorite horror film list,

Speaker: whenever, like, jaws is at the top of it, I just think that

Speaker: those people are amateurs.

Speaker: I watch things like Serbian film.

Speaker: I watch things like Cannibal Holocaust.

Speaker: These are my comfort films I had.

Speaker: She watches them as she goes to sleep.

Speaker: I do, I watch them while I

Speaker: vacuum the house I put on

Speaker: Midsommar because it makes me

Speaker: feel happy.

Speaker: It is in the daytime.

Speaker: It is.

Speaker: It's very well lit.

Speaker: Sunny?

Speaker: Yep.

Speaker: I had to stop this movie several

Speaker: times and go outside and touch

Speaker: grass.

Speaker: Uh, yeah.

Speaker: You need to be reminded that there are good things in the

Speaker: world, because nobody who made Pretty Baby went to jail for

Speaker: anything, which I guess just kind of gave them carte blanche

Speaker: to kind of make this movie, because why not?

Speaker: Why not exploit more children,

Speaker: especially if it's Brooke

Speaker: Shields?

Speaker: This opened up a whole box of disturbing information for me.

Speaker: The first one being is that this

Speaker: is part of the Blue Lagoon

Speaker: universe.

Speaker: This is the third time this movie was made.

Speaker: The first time this movie was

Speaker: made was in nineteen twenty

Speaker: three.

Speaker: And that movie is lost.

Speaker: I mean, that's just great for society.

Speaker: Really.

Speaker: Oh, my God, I'm so glad it's not here.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Uh, the second time was like, in the forties.

Speaker: And this is the third time.

Speaker: There's also a sequel, and then there is a third one that came

Speaker: out, uh, where, um, if you look at the box cover, I thought it

Speaker: was animation, uh, because it's so badly photoshopped.

Speaker: No, but he's got that kind of

Speaker: like Justin Bieber, like, early

Speaker: aughts bang swoop thing

Speaker: happening.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: It's like there's just nothing good to be.

Speaker: There's nothing good to be

Speaker: gleaned from any of these films

Speaker: at all.

Speaker: And I mean, here's the thing.

Speaker: Like when I first watched this

Speaker: film, I must have been seven or

Speaker: eight.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: And I remember watching it several times, and I think part

Speaker: of it was that I was like, first of all, Brooke Shields is just

Speaker: like this ethereal.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: And so, like, I like, I think

Speaker: like every girl everywhere was

Speaker: like, I wish I was Brooke

Speaker: Shields because she's like one

Speaker: of the most stunning things I've

Speaker: ever seen.

Speaker: And then Richard Atkins obviously is, you know, he's

Speaker: himself, he's Richard Atkins and he's, he's he's blonde and

Speaker: strapping and he's good looking and it's like, and he's got

Speaker: those dreamy blue eyes or whatever the fuck.

Speaker: But I remember watching it many

Speaker: times, but I repressed so much

Speaker: of it I don't I didn't remember

Speaker: so much of this film that while

Speaker: I was watching it, I was like,

Speaker: you.

Speaker: Like, I didn't stop it, but like, you were smart.

Speaker: You stopped at certain points.

Speaker: I just kept watching and typing out, oh my God, I can't believe,

Speaker: oh my God, I cannot believe that's just happened.

Speaker: It was pretty freaking bad.

Speaker: I mean, it's based on a book series that came out in like the

Speaker: early nineteen hundreds, and I mean, nothing about this movie

Speaker: made me want to read the books.

Speaker: Usually I'm like, hey, smut, let's go read some smut.

Speaker: And I'm like, no, absolutely not.

Speaker: No. Absolutely not.

Speaker: No, it was so bad.

Speaker: And I don't know why we were

Speaker: talking about this earlier, but

Speaker: it's like, listen, we're from

Speaker: the V.C.

Speaker: Andrews generation.

Speaker: Oh, yeah.

Speaker: And somehow we're all on board with that.

Speaker: We're like, yeah, whatever.

Speaker: Brother and sister and an addict.

Speaker: Cool.

Speaker: Yeah, but this this was wrong.

Speaker: This was so wrong.

Speaker: I think it's because.

Speaker: Okay, so the film versions of flower in the attic, though,

Speaker: it's like they don't go here.

Speaker: No. Like they don't go here.

Speaker: Like, I mean, this film shows

Speaker: things in an erotic way that

Speaker: does not seem innocent at all,

Speaker: to the point where I was deeply

Speaker: disturbed.

Speaker: And we've watched some fucked up movies as part of this podcast.

Speaker: We watched Soul Man, for fuck's sake, and I was way more

Speaker: disturbed by this one.

Speaker: But do we?

Speaker: I mean, do we want to get it?

Speaker: Do we want to get into all the things that are wrong with it?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Like, should we just go on?

Speaker: Do you want to do you want to start with your first crime?

Speaker: The first crime is I mean, God, there's so many.

Speaker: I mean, well, there's a few crimes, but they're huge.

Speaker: They're huge, and there's so many instances of it.

Speaker: It's like several accounts of the same crime.

Speaker: I need to be clear that we are

Speaker: fully aware that a body double

Speaker: was used?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: So it's understandable that this is not Brooke Shields body that,

Speaker: like, there's no part of her that was actually shown that her

Speaker: hair was meticulously glued to her breasts, and that even

Speaker: though she was actually fourteen, that she did use an

Speaker: adult body double.

Speaker: But it is very much implied that this is her body.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: So we are made to believe that

Speaker: this is a fourteen year old

Speaker: girl's body.

Speaker: And that implication is wrong.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's like.

Speaker: I mean, if you didn't know anybody and you don't really

Speaker: need to know any better.

Speaker: I mean, I'm glad that they didn't break any actual laws.

Speaker: I don't think, like, you know, by using a thirty something year

Speaker: old body double.

Speaker: But at the same time, that's not what the movie was really about.

Speaker: And like the way that they like the characters fourteen and the

Speaker: way that she was shot and the way that they're shot, like

Speaker: under the water and the playfulness and stuff, it's just

Speaker: like, and don't even get me started about the children, like

Speaker: the seven and eight year olds, like, I did not remember that

Speaker: part at all.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Do you want me to explain what happened, or do you wanna

Speaker: explain what happened?

Speaker: I mean, I can explain it's like, basically in the very early

Speaker: parts of the movie, when they first arrived there, like when

Speaker: Emmeline and Richard first arrive, they are prim and proper

Speaker: Victorian children, and they have their hats and they have

Speaker: their bonnets and they have their music boxes.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: They know that they're supposed to wear clothes.

Speaker: They know they're fully aware, but they very quickly adapt to

Speaker: island life almost immediately.

Speaker: So they're stuck on the island

Speaker: with patty buttons and, uh,

Speaker: okay.

Speaker: That name, by the way, in the context of this movie is all

Speaker: sorts of wrong as well.

Speaker: But keep going.

Speaker: I mean, like their last name is

Speaker: Lestrange, so we can only imply

Speaker: that this is like an early

Speaker: prequel to the Harry Potter

Speaker: series.

Speaker: It's the most fucked up prequel

Speaker: to Harry Potter I've ever even

Speaker: thought of.

Speaker: But keep going.

Speaker: Fair fair fair fair.

Speaker: So they immediately start running around naked.

Speaker: And I want to say, like they spent a good majority of the

Speaker: movie naked at once.

Speaker: They start ripping off their clothes.

Speaker: They're just naked.

Speaker: Naked all the time.

Speaker: And I get that they're young and I get it.

Speaker: It's European sensibilities and

Speaker: you can run around naked for,

Speaker: you know, the entirety of your

Speaker: childhood.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And you know what?

Speaker: I tried to I tried to give, like the benefit of the doubt a

Speaker: little bit, especially like in the first part with the kids

Speaker: because they're supposed to be like seven or eight years old.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And there are full shots, like

Speaker: the girl, like just not wearing

Speaker: anything.

Speaker: Like she is just full on.

Speaker: You can see everything with her

Speaker: swimming through the water and

Speaker: everything.

Speaker: And the boy and I started to think like, at what age?

Speaker: I actually I was just like,

Speaker: wait, am I being unfair right

Speaker: now?

Speaker: Am I being unfair?

Speaker: Like, at what age is this no longer cool?

Speaker: Like, is it five, is it four?

Speaker: I don't know, I'm not a parent, but it seemed wrong.

Speaker: Like it struck me in my gut as gross that they were showing it.

Speaker: My parents were super hippie parents and they were like super

Speaker: about us not wearing clothes whenever we went to public.

Speaker: Places like that had pools and

Speaker: stuff like, not like, you know,

Speaker: like the mall, the mall or, you

Speaker: know, like, thank you for

Speaker: clarifying.

Speaker: But, you know, like like beaches and pools and places where we

Speaker: would go swimming and they were totally fine with us going nude.

Speaker: But there was a point where that stopped.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: And I want to say that that age was like four, right?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Thank you for thank you for clarifying that, because I

Speaker: thought that watching like seven year old children naked in the

Speaker: ocean, as well lit as they were, like, it was just not like it

Speaker: gave me major ick very early on in the film.

Speaker: And I was just like, wow, if

Speaker: we're already here, I just like

Speaker: I remember like kind of like

Speaker: where it goes from, like very

Speaker: generally, but that I did not

Speaker: remember and I was just fully

Speaker: grossed out.

Speaker: It's the same response I see when I see a woman breastfeeding

Speaker: a child, that I know that child is too old.

Speaker: Yeah, like a five year old.

Speaker: Someone that can ask for steak.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: It's like, listen, if your child can ask for a whopper, then

Speaker: perhaps that child doesn't need the boob anymore, right?

Speaker: And like, when they do it in public and then they try to

Speaker: shame you and it's like, no, it's completely natural.

Speaker: I'm like, you're thirteen year

Speaker: old child on your breast is not

Speaker: natural.

Speaker: That's right.

Speaker: You all need to get off public transportation.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's like, throw them out the window, mom.

Speaker: Um, okay.

Speaker: So I guess, like, the first major crime we have.

Speaker: What?

Speaker: What are we calling it?

Speaker: Are we just calling it child exploitation?

Speaker: Like, what is it?

Speaker: Yeah, there's just so many counts.

Speaker: Do you want to count all the counts?

Speaker: I'm just calling it child

Speaker: exploitation and and explicit

Speaker: material.

Speaker: Explicit material?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: That's that's fair.

Speaker: Even the stuff that isn't explicit because it's not

Speaker: understanding that it's a body double and all that or whatever

Speaker: the situation is, it's implied.

Speaker: And I'm going to liken it to this.

Speaker: This is this is how I think of it.

Speaker: I have a friend that's a vegan, and she wears leather coat, fake

Speaker: leather coats, and she wears fake leather shoes.

Speaker: And her thing is like, well,

Speaker: it's not real, it's fake

Speaker: leather.

Speaker: And I'm like, yeah, but you're propagating a style that tells

Speaker: people that don't know you, that you wear leather, so you're to

Speaker: them, you're wearing leather.

Speaker: So they think you look cool.

Speaker: So they're going to go out and buy leather things because they

Speaker: don't know it's fake leather.

Speaker: They don't know that this is you

Speaker: know, people who don't know the

Speaker: backstory of this movie are

Speaker: going to think that this is

Speaker: real, right?

Speaker: You know, not people who know better, but people that are

Speaker: small and child watching it on HBO at a young age.

Speaker: Right?

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And it's kind of like that.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And it's because Brooke Shields was such a stunning human.

Speaker: Like, she was just like a beautiful child.

Speaker: And no, no doubt like, like one of the most beautiful children

Speaker: you've ever seen, but just people in general.

Speaker: She just graced this earth and she's amazing.

Speaker: No, no. And even, like, as, like, as an adult, she's like,

Speaker: oh my gosh.

Speaker: She's like life goals.

Speaker: Like she's so well adjusted, considering the bullshit that

Speaker: she had to put up with during this period of her life.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: But it was almost like as if, like her beauty.

Speaker: It made men feel like they had

Speaker: permission to exploit her, to

Speaker: kind of, like, capitalize on

Speaker: that beauty.

Speaker: It's just like, how can you not show this?

Speaker: How can you not show this beautiful person, like,

Speaker: everywhere that you can?

Speaker: But it became like this gross, overly sexualized thing.

Speaker: And it's like, of course she's doing that Calvin Klein or the

Speaker: Jordache ad or whatever it was.

Speaker: It's like they put her right there.

Speaker: Of course, that was like the next natural step.

Speaker: It's fucked.

Speaker: But I mean, they kind of created this persona for her that it was

Speaker: like, totally okay to take this child and use her as an object

Speaker: of, like, sexual fantasy, which is just disgusting.

Speaker: And also so we can talk about it just a smidge more.

Speaker: It was not okay when this movie came out.

Speaker: Like, there was a lot of

Speaker: controversy surrounding this

Speaker: movie when this movie was made,

Speaker: when this movie was released,

Speaker: and then eventually the

Speaker: filmmakers and everybody

Speaker: releasing this movie and the

Speaker: studio all had to appear in

Speaker: front of Congress, including

Speaker: Brooke Shields.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And she had to, like, explain

Speaker: that, like there was a body

Speaker: double.

Speaker: Like they had to kind of make sure that she was that.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: They asked her questions about the nude scenes and and her

Speaker: answers were along the lines of, well, the nude scenes were fine

Speaker: because I wasn't in them.

Speaker: Mhm.

Speaker: Well, yeah.

Speaker: I mean, and I mean thank God that this was during a time when

Speaker: we had a Congress that actually acted on important things.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: But like just the fact I mean somebody greenlit this shit.

Speaker: So and and also like Christopher

Speaker: Atkins did all of his own nude

Speaker: scenes.

Speaker: No. And the full frontal.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, all the time.

Speaker: Like just hanging.

Speaker: Just hanging out.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Just hanging out.

Speaker: Just cool.

Speaker: Cool with it.

Speaker: He was totally fine with it.

Speaker: Good for him.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And whenever the kids, like,

Speaker: decided, decided actually to

Speaker: wear clothes, I was just like,

Speaker: why can't you just do this all

Speaker: the time?

Speaker: What's making you, like, run around naked some of the time

Speaker: and then, like, wearing clothes the other part of the time?

Speaker: Like, just just cover yourself up.

Speaker: I mean, to be fair, the only

Speaker: other clothes they had were,

Speaker: like, appeared to be wedding

Speaker: clothes.

Speaker: Like Victorian wedding clothes.

Speaker: That's fine.

Speaker: That's fine.

Speaker: You know what?

Speaker: They built themselves a fucking condo.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Like, they can they can put together some clothes, impressed

Speaker: with their building skills.

Speaker: By the end of that, they really hone that in.

Speaker: It was so good.

Speaker: They were basically staying at a suite at the White Lotus.

Speaker: I mean, it was so like, that is some resort style, resort

Speaker: quality Airbnb, that shit.

Speaker: Oh, that was so good.

Speaker: Oh, and the cooking skills.

Speaker: Can we talk about Richard's cooking skills for a second?

Speaker: Oh my God.

Speaker: He's like a michelin star chef.

Speaker: This dude.

Speaker: They really like.

Speaker: They needed to go.

Speaker: Like, I have no idea what these two little idiots are going to

Speaker: do when they get back to civilization, but it should they

Speaker: should just immediately go back and open up a resort.

Speaker: They should open up a resort and they should.

Speaker: I mean, if it was like taking

Speaker: place like a little bit later, I

Speaker: should, I would say like they

Speaker: should have like their own

Speaker: reality show about like luxury,

Speaker: survival or something where

Speaker: they're naked all the time

Speaker: because they're gorgeous and

Speaker: then like, they're just like

Speaker: showing people how to, like,

Speaker: make, like, grass skirts and how

Speaker: to like, you know, hunt fish and

Speaker: like, make seasonings out of,

Speaker: like coconut shell hairs or some

Speaker: shit.

Speaker: I don't know, like but that's

Speaker: what they should be doing and

Speaker: that's how they should be making

Speaker: money once they get back to the

Speaker: mainland.

Speaker: But I don't think that they had cameras like that back in the

Speaker: what was it, eighteen hundreds?

Speaker: Yeah, it was hard to nail down the time period.

Speaker: Exactly.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I couldn't quite figure it out.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: So should we talk a little bit?

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: We can talk briefly about this, and we can bring it back to

Speaker: flowers in the attic, too, if you want to.

Speaker: But the incest.

Speaker: It's incest.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's incest.

Speaker: It's straight up incest.

Speaker: They're cousins.

Speaker: They're cousins.

Speaker: I mean, I guess you're the only two people on an island.

Speaker: Where else are you gonna put it?

Speaker: I guess, but, I mean, it's still a little bit like.

Speaker: Did they have to be cousins?

Speaker: Did it have to be?

Speaker: What are you trying to tell me by making them cousins?

Speaker: It could have just been a boy.

Speaker: The cabin boy.

Speaker: It could have been just another kid on the boat.

Speaker: It could have been Patty's little boy son.

Speaker: One of his many sons from all

Speaker: the different women that he's

Speaker: had children with across the

Speaker: world.

Speaker: Did you catch that quote, by the way?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Oh my God, so gross.

Speaker: He's like black.

Speaker: One little savages, little Slant eyed little savages.

Speaker: That's what he was saying, you know.

Speaker: It's like he could have been a little stowaway from the cook.

Speaker: And then she was like, oh, that would have even been better.

Speaker: We're rewriting it as we speak.

Speaker: Or it could have been.

Speaker: She just landed by herself and

Speaker: fell in love with a little

Speaker: cannibal boy.

Speaker: You do watch a lot of horror movies.

Speaker: I'm sure.

Speaker: Listen, I'm sure that they are lovely people.

Speaker: I we don't get to know them very well.

Speaker: No. Like, they're there for us

Speaker: to be scared of them, which is

Speaker: fine.

Speaker: They're on the other side of the island.

Speaker: We barely ever.

Speaker: The only other people in this film are.

Speaker: We have Patti.

Speaker: We have the cannibals that live on the other side of the island.

Speaker: And then we have William Daniels that plays Arthur Lestrange.

Speaker: If you don't remember him, he's in.

Speaker: He's.

Speaker: He's Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World.

Speaker: Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker: Wait, that's the dad, right?

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Yeah, he's in it for, like,

Speaker: probably five and a half

Speaker: minutes.

Speaker: It's not important.

Speaker: But he finds them.

Speaker: He does, which is great, right?

Speaker: I'm very happy.

Speaker: But he's also an idiot because,

Speaker: like when he's looking for them

Speaker: years later.

Speaker: Don't even get me started.

Speaker: Do not even get me started.

Speaker: That was like, the dumbest shit.

Speaker: Okay, explain.

Speaker: Explain to our audience what happens years later.

Speaker: He's, like, looking for them.

Speaker: So he's looking for a teenage boy and a teenage girl.

Speaker: Caucasian on a remote island.

Speaker: One's blonde, one's brunette.

Speaker: Yeah, well, he knows his son is blonde.

Speaker: The girl, you know, but he has

Speaker: an idea of what he's looking

Speaker: for.

Speaker: And he sees a random Caucasian couple with a baby, and he goes,

Speaker: oh, that's not them.

Speaker: That can't be them.

Speaker: That can't be them.

Speaker: Why?

Speaker: Because they're covered in mud and they appear to be happy.

Speaker: Did the baby throw them off or something?

Speaker: He's like.

Speaker: He's like.

Speaker: He's like, nah, they're not gonna do that.

Speaker: They know that they're cousins because they're like, I guess he

Speaker: just figured that they'd be so anxious to get off the island.

Speaker: But it's like it's been years they've adjusted.

Speaker: Did you see the amazing house?

Speaker: Their house is incredible.

Speaker: I mean, I wouldn't want to leave that house either.

Speaker: That house was amazing.

Speaker: They have great meals there every day.

Speaker: They fish, they have great meals.

Speaker: They have fruit.

Speaker: They have I mean, they have they have protection from the sun,

Speaker: from extreme sun.

Speaker: They have protection from from rain, heavy rain.

Speaker: We saw that.

Speaker: I mean, they have it made like their place.

Speaker: I would live in that frigging place.

Speaker: I don't know if you ever saw the movie Top Secret.

Speaker: Of course.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: But like, they do a great parody in that movie where it's like

Speaker: they build themselves like a two a two car garage.

Speaker: Oh my gosh.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: They have.

Speaker: Oh, and they have transportation because they ride dolphins.

Speaker: I mean, they yeah.

Speaker: Like, why would you leave that place?

Speaker: I don't blame them.

Speaker: I don't blame them at all.

Speaker: But yeah, dad is an idiot for being like, ah, it kind of looks

Speaker: like you just don't go and ask.

Speaker: It's got to be another group of Caucasians we're gonna find on

Speaker: the next, on the next, like, random island that we're like,

Speaker: no, but I mean, it goes without saying, like, you don't just

Speaker: park and just ask, saying, hey, where are you?

Speaker: Shipwrecked.

Speaker: Here.

Speaker: I don't know, eight years ago or so.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Something.

Speaker: Investigate the situation.

Speaker: Perhaps to say, like, do you need any help?

Speaker: Do you have any food?

Speaker: It seems a little odd that you might be here.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: We're young, teenage Caucasian couple with a child.

Speaker: You don't look like what I would call natives.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Perhaps you need some assist.

Speaker: Some expats perhaps, but that's about it.

Speaker: Okay, so we covered incest.

Speaker: We covered a great deal of child

Speaker: exploitation and, oh, terrible

Speaker: sexual innuendo.

Speaker: Like, there was like, one.

Speaker: I'm gonna spare you.

Speaker: I was like, oh, God.

Speaker: There were so many little jokes like that that it was just

Speaker: painful to hear.

Speaker: Also, like the writing about their sexual awakening itself.

Speaker: Like when she's like, oh, I'm just looking at your muscles.

Speaker: And I'm like, is that how that would go?

Speaker: I don't know, does she even know about muscles at seven?

Speaker: Like because they're kind of stunted, right?

Speaker: Like they're stunted at like seven or eight, right.

Speaker: And they don't really have books.

Speaker: They have that one book that

Speaker: they keep on looking at with the

Speaker: pictures of, like nude people or

Speaker: like that has like the women in

Speaker: it, remember?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: That's that little like, yeah, it's a little viewfinder that

Speaker: they have, like the old timey viewfinder, the old timey

Speaker: viewfinder with nudie pics.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: That was like their only source of entertainment their entire

Speaker: time on this island.

Speaker: And she's like, I'm just looking at your muscles.

Speaker: And it's like, I feel like this was very much written by a man

Speaker: because, like, no teenage girl has ever, like, been really

Speaker: into, like, muscles like that isn't something that, like,

Speaker: teenage girls are super into, um, like like maybe bodies, I

Speaker: guess a little bit.

Speaker: But mostly it's like faces and

Speaker: personality and like, charm and,

Speaker: you know, it's kind of like that

Speaker: and proximity.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And so yeah, I mean, I think that there's like some that

Speaker: like, like the jock because of, like the alpha ness, but yeah,

Speaker: but like the physique, I don't know, the dialogue was So it's

Speaker: like, I get it, they're stupid, I get it.

Speaker: They have no education.

Speaker: But it was just so hard to listen to them.

Speaker: Richard's sexual awakening seemed more correct, I guess.

Speaker: Well, yeah, because he was

Speaker: trying to hide jacking off into

Speaker: the ocean when he got caught

Speaker: that way.

Speaker: Yeah, but he was also like, fumbling.

Speaker: And he was, like, nervous, and

Speaker: he was like, trying things that

Speaker: didn't work.

Speaker: And when she rejected him, he got like, super pissy about it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And he threw a tantrum.

Speaker: Oh yeah.

Speaker: Oh my God.

Speaker: I was just like that pissed me off so much.

Speaker: I was like, what, is that girl alone?

Speaker: Yeah, but that made a little bit more sense because I'm like,

Speaker: yeah, he's stunted.

Speaker: Like he's like a child.

Speaker: It was definitely accurate

Speaker: because he's like, he's like, we

Speaker: haven't done it since yesterday,

Speaker: em.

Speaker: It's like, oh my fucking God, dude.

Speaker: Yeah, leave the poor girl go off into the forest.

Speaker: She's been through a fucking lot.

Speaker: Go off into the forest and jerk off into a coconut.

Speaker: Like, just do it.

Speaker: We all know you know how to crack one.

Speaker: It's great.

Speaker: Or build another house.

Speaker: You're really good at that somehow.

Speaker: Just work it out.

Speaker: Just like, leave her alone.

Speaker: And I mean the whole, like like

Speaker: she gets her period thing and

Speaker: he's like, where are you

Speaker: bleeding from?

Speaker: And she's like, I don't want to.

Speaker: And he's like, got him.

Speaker: It's like, these two are okay, can I just say it?

Speaker: They're fucking annoying.

Speaker: They're idiots.

Speaker: They're just little idiots.

Speaker: They're just so dumb.

Speaker: I get that they had no one to educate them, and they were just

Speaker: kind of left on their own.

Speaker: But I thought it'd be more like feral.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Like, if they're feral, they'd be really interesting.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: At least that would explain it.

Speaker: But they're like whiny teens.

Speaker: It's like, where did you learn this?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: You know what I mean?

Speaker: It's like they were kind of like modern, whiny teens with the

Speaker: education of, like, a first grader, and that made the

Speaker: dialogue extra painful.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: It was.

Speaker: It was just so bad.

Speaker: And it was like these funny feelings and it was just, I

Speaker: don't know, it was just so bad.

Speaker: It was just so bad.

Speaker: It was very cringe.

Speaker: What other do we have any other I mean, okay, we have a lengthy,

Speaker: lengthy, um, child exploitation.

Speaker: I mean, many instances from when

Speaker: the from the moment they arrived

Speaker: on the island and they started

Speaker: taking off their own clothes

Speaker: until the credits started

Speaker: running, or perhaps they got

Speaker: into the boat, is the sin of

Speaker: this movie.

Speaker: You know, the entire movie is the sin.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: That is, I can give it that much

Speaker: credit where it's all like the

Speaker: boat part where the they're

Speaker: fine.

Speaker: And then maybe when they're in the boat.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: No, I mean, they're just it's watching stupid, pretty people

Speaker: walk around for an hour and a half and have incest, sex with

Speaker: each other and just ask each other stupid questions.

Speaker: Like, it's so bad and I'm trying to find.

Speaker: Okay, I'm doing an exercise right now.

Speaker: I'm trying to find anything redeeming about it.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Beautifully lit.

Speaker: I have I have some redeeming things for it.

Speaker: Here we go.

Speaker: Ready?

Speaker: All right, go for it.

Speaker: At least twenty thirty.

Speaker: A strong thirty percent of this movie is a beautifully shot

Speaker: documentary about Fiji.

Speaker: It's a tourism video.

Speaker: It is.

Speaker: It is like some of those shots,

Speaker: the underwater shots, the nature

Speaker: shots.

Speaker: The animal shots.

Speaker: Gorgeous.

Speaker: Absolutely gorgeous.

Speaker: No. No fault, no notes on those shots.

Speaker: Right, right.

Speaker: Just stunning.

Speaker: We have Leo McKern as Paddy

Speaker: Button doing his best Donald

Speaker: Pleasence imitation.

Speaker: That was fine.

Speaker: He's only in it for a short

Speaker: moment, so, you know, that's

Speaker: that's fine.

Speaker: Um, more positive.

Speaker: Um, in the second book and the

Speaker: sequel, the two little idiots,

Speaker: uh, die immediately in the boat,

Speaker: thank God.

Speaker: And leaving their son Paddy, who

Speaker: is also renamed Richard, um,

Speaker: because it's the only word he

Speaker: can say.

Speaker: So they think that's his own name.

Speaker: So he.

Speaker: How does he know how to say Richard?

Speaker: Wouldn't he be saying dad?

Speaker: No, because he's saying Richard in the movie, it's the only word

Speaker: he knows how to say.

Speaker: Oh, I don't remember that part.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Your brain blocked it out to protect itself.

Speaker: My brain blocked out a lot of

Speaker: things with this movie to

Speaker: protect itself.

Speaker: Oh, one thing that we forgot.

Speaker: He hit her at one point.

Speaker: Yes, I forgot about that one.

Speaker: Yeah, I did not remember that at all.

Speaker: Yeah, what a dick.

Speaker: It's like they took out those barriers.

Speaker: I was like, please die.

Speaker: Just please eat these fucking berries and die.

Speaker: Sleep forever.

Speaker: Just go to sleep and never wake up.

Speaker: Death in the sun.

Speaker: And then, just like, dehydrate and die.

Speaker: What are they going to do when they find them?

Speaker: Like what is what?

Speaker: What could they possibly do?

Speaker: How do they explain this situation?

Speaker: Like, hey, I found my son and my niece, and they kind of did it.

Speaker: How do you explain it?

Speaker: Like this is.

Speaker: This is my new niece.

Speaker: Like this is, you know, I mean,

Speaker: do we just say, like, you're not

Speaker: my niece?

Speaker: Like you're just some random chick?

Speaker: Like, I don't know, like, do

Speaker: they just like, like, make a

Speaker: story up?

Speaker: You can never reintroduce them into normal society again.

Speaker: No, you know what?

Speaker: You know what you do.

Speaker: Here's what happens.

Speaker: They go back to normal society, like the newspapers.

Speaker: Pick it up.

Speaker: Because there were newspapers back then, right?

Speaker: They snap a photo of them, and then what they do is they put

Speaker: them in, like a museum.

Speaker: Like like a really fancy museum.

Speaker: They just had them sitting fancy chairs all day.

Speaker: Yeah, P.T.

Speaker: Barnum took them.

Speaker: That's probably what happened.

Speaker: They just.

Speaker: And they.

Speaker: And they just get, like, observed by people.

Speaker: And it's just like, maybe they have like a little stage or

Speaker: something like at the met and there's like, like showing

Speaker: people how to like make little rafts and stuff and it's like,

Speaker: ooh, look at these two.

Speaker: Like tribal white kids, like, in

Speaker: their natural habitat, making

Speaker: shelter.

Speaker: Yeah, I'd pay to see that.

Speaker: Yeah, they probably did, like a speaking tour or something.

Speaker: Oh no they don't want no no no

Speaker: no, we don't want them to talk

Speaker: ever.

Speaker: No no we don't want them to talk ever so bad.

Speaker: I think like the takeaway with

Speaker: this movie too is that like, if

Speaker: you just want to see a terrible

Speaker: movie, get the strongest edible

Speaker: you possibly can, sit down, get

Speaker: a glass of wine while you're at

Speaker: it, and then watch and just

Speaker: marvel at how terrible a movie

Speaker: can be.

Speaker: But how beautiful Brooke Shields.

Speaker: I mean, she is beautiful.

Speaker: There are two beautiful leads, two beautiful leads, but that's

Speaker: about where it stops.

Speaker: Here's my biggest thing with this movie.

Speaker: I don't know who this was made for?

Speaker: Horny men.

Speaker: Really?

Speaker: Specific group.

Speaker: Subset of horny men that you don't want to hang out with.

Speaker: Ones you don't want to talk

Speaker: about with this after this

Speaker: movie, you don't want to go to

Speaker: their house.

Speaker: You don't want to hang out with them.

Speaker: No, you don't want to introduce them to your family.

Speaker: Nothing.

Speaker: No, no. But that was the thing.

Speaker: It was like, that was the thing

Speaker: about like, this time period was

Speaker: that it was giving men in the

Speaker: public who would just go see

Speaker: this movie.

Speaker: Permission to ogle a fourteen year old girl.

Speaker: That's what it was, you know, it was like it had like, maybe a

Speaker: very specific type of horny guy would talk freely about it, but

Speaker: it did kind of make it okay to take this beautiful girl, this

Speaker: beautiful, innocent girl, and sexualize her for the masses and

Speaker: to sell tickets.

Speaker: That's what it was.

Speaker: So here's what makes me a little curious, because I'm going to

Speaker: now admit something that I'm very deeply ashamed about.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: I watched a little bit of that third movie.

Speaker: Fuck off.

Speaker: This podcast is done because I like to do my research and I

Speaker: watched all of the second movie, but I watched that years ago.

Speaker: I mean, this is the same person

Speaker: who watched all the revenge of

Speaker: the nerds movie, so I can't say

Speaker: I'm surprised.

Speaker: So the third movie is very much

Speaker: packaged like a teenage girl's

Speaker: fantasy.

Speaker: It's from her point of view, and

Speaker: it's the girl guy I have a crush

Speaker: on is now stuck on an island

Speaker: with me.

Speaker: And this is a girl's fantasy of what can I do?

Speaker: Now we're gonna have to work together.

Speaker: And through this, the concept of working together and fighting

Speaker: for our survival, we're going to fall in love.

Speaker: And it's done.

Speaker: And it's not explicit in any way.

Speaker: It's not gross in any way.

Speaker: Everybody keeps their jeans on

Speaker: because it's in the modern era,

Speaker: and they just kind of fall in

Speaker: love.

Speaker: I would say it's more skinemax okay, but more G-rated.

Speaker: Like it's definitely more PG thirteen.

Speaker: They kind of learned their

Speaker: lesson a little bit, is what

Speaker: you're saying.

Speaker: I'm saying that it's yeah, it's just a little bit.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's not nearly as offensive in

Speaker: a, in a, in an exploitative kind

Speaker: of way.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: I would almost go as far as to say like, this was a different

Speaker: movie that they slapped on a Blue Lagoon title onto.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: But it was fairly same concept.

Speaker: No. Well, well, I'll just

Speaker: straight up say, like, while I

Speaker: was watching this, I was just

Speaker: like, this is almost like child

Speaker: porn.

Speaker: Almost.

Speaker: Like, I mean, it's like soft child porn.

Speaker: So I'm kind of curious if at any point the filmmakers thought

Speaker: that maybe this would appeal to teenage girls in the same way

Speaker: because, yeah, he's very cute.

Speaker: I doubt that this they thought, well, you're going there.

Speaker: You're giving like the same benefit of the doubt that I gave

Speaker: to Soul Man.

Speaker: I'm trying, man.

Speaker: I'm trying.

Speaker: I'm trying to find the redeeming factors in this movie, you know,

Speaker: because it is a cultural touch.

Speaker: Like, we all know about this movie.

Speaker: Know about it?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And everybody makes reference to it.

Speaker: We all know it.

Speaker: And it's out there as a pop culture reference for sure.

Speaker: And like I said, like when we like.

Speaker: At the beginning of this conversation, I said that I

Speaker: watched it over and over again because it was more about her.

Speaker: I think I was like more kind of just like, wow, she's like one

Speaker: of the most beautiful people I think I've ever seen, right?

Speaker: And it's like, you know, a

Speaker: young, awkward looking little

Speaker: girl.

Speaker: You're just like, oh, you know, it's like, I think that you you

Speaker: want to be her.

Speaker: Like, you want to look like her.

Speaker: Like you want to, you know, you want to have that sort of

Speaker: presence or whatever.

Speaker: And it completely goes over your head that this was totally wrong

Speaker: at the time because your attention is somewhere else.

Speaker: Your attention is more kind of

Speaker: just like, I want to be like

Speaker: her, not like, oh wow, there's a

Speaker: fourteen year old and an

Speaker: eighteen year old having sex and

Speaker: having babies on an island, and

Speaker: they're naked, like the entire

Speaker: time.

Speaker: Oh, and they showed some seven year olds naked, too.

Speaker: Yeah, you know what I mean?

Speaker: Like, I think that just like, doesn't.

Speaker: But they never showed her pregnant.

Speaker: You know what?

Speaker: Even when she was in labor, she didn't have a bump.

Speaker: Did you notice that?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Like they never showed her pregnant.

Speaker: And I guess that ruined would have ruined her image, but I

Speaker: don't know why.

Speaker: They never showed her pregnant.

Speaker: They just didn't.

Speaker: They kept telling us that they

Speaker: thought that was a bridge too

Speaker: far.

Speaker: Yeah, like they're like, no, we can't go there.

Speaker: God forbid.

Speaker: Yeah, we we we can show her in someone else's entire nude body

Speaker: and say that that's a fourteen year old Brooke Shields, but we

Speaker: can't show a fourteen.

Speaker: That was very odd.

Speaker: That was very odd.

Speaker: Especially like during the labor scene, because they didn't give

Speaker: any indication of like, a baby bump or anything, or like I

Speaker: think that at one point they showed her rubbing.

Speaker: It was like she was barely pregnant though.

Speaker: She.

Speaker: Yeah, they said feel the baby.

Speaker: But literally her stomach was concave.

Speaker: Like it was like, feel my heart, abs.

Speaker: It's a baby struggling for survival.

Speaker: Oh my God.

Speaker: Yeah, that I remember.

Speaker: That was not okay.

Speaker: I mean, this I feel like we've covered it.

Speaker: Do we need do we need to go

Speaker: straight to, um Chuck or

Speaker: cherish?

Speaker: Yeah, I think so.

Speaker: I mean, there's nothing else to say, is there?

Speaker: This movie was bad for my mental health.

Speaker: It was so bad for mine too.

Speaker: I just kept writing.

Speaker: Yikes.

Speaker: On bikes.

Speaker: I mean, I wish I could show you all of my notes because so much

Speaker: of it is ack!

Speaker: Exclamation point, exclamation

Speaker: point, exclamation point and

Speaker: then OMG and I can't believe

Speaker: they just did blah blah blah

Speaker: blah blah.

Speaker: Like it was an assault on my morality.

Speaker: It was like being waterboarded

Speaker: by child exploitation and

Speaker: terrible dialogue.

Speaker: It was just it was that bad.

Speaker: This was not okay to watch.

Speaker: No, it's not okay.

Speaker: Like I never want to see this movie ever again.

Speaker: I can barely find any redeeming qualities to it whatsoever

Speaker: except for the lighting.

Speaker: I was explaining this movie

Speaker: yesterday at a party, and

Speaker: surprisingly, no one had seen it

Speaker: recently.

Speaker: Not even surprisingly, but a few people had never seen it, but

Speaker: knew of it.

Speaker: Everybody knew of the movie.

Speaker: Right, right, right.

Speaker: So I was like, talking to like, eight people.

Speaker: Everybody in that party of different, various ages, all

Speaker: knew of the movie.

Speaker: Three or four people saw it but

Speaker: didn't remember it at all

Speaker: because they repressed it like I

Speaker: did.

Speaker: And I said, it's awful.

Speaker: It's absolutely awful.

Speaker: And I gave all the reasons that we gave, but I gave them in like

Speaker: less than five minutes and used the term yikes on bikes.

Speaker: Yeah, you can continue to use that term.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And it was just and I kept explaining, I'm like, well I'm

Speaker: like, well do you think that maybe you're just overreacting?

Speaker: And I go, it's not an overreaction.

Speaker: I'm like, and then I'm like, you know me, man.

Speaker: I'm like, you know, I watch a lot of weird stuff.

Speaker: And I'm like, this wasn't weird.

Speaker: This was like a combination of a terrible script and bad writing.

Speaker: And I think just bad intentions.

Speaker: Bad intentions, for sure.

Speaker: And you can tell you can tell in the way that was shot.

Speaker: You can tell that it is like an obsession with her beauty.

Speaker: And she's she's a child and it's like, you know, she everybody

Speaker: knew her as kind of like one of, like the most beautiful beings

Speaker: on the face of the planet.

Speaker: But it's like, let her wear clothes.

Speaker: Let her wear clothes.

Speaker: There's been many attempts to make the movie Lolita, and

Speaker: Lolita is another.

Speaker: Lolita is based on what?

Speaker: What I consider one of the most remarkable books ever written.

Speaker: And it is because that book does

Speaker: something to your psyche where

Speaker: it tricks you, because it forces

Speaker: you to sympathize with a man

Speaker: that is absolutely horrendous on

Speaker: every level.

Speaker: But somehow he becomes the hero of the story because he is

Speaker: telling the story.

Speaker: So it shows you how you can be manipulated.

Speaker: Yeah, so it is I think that it

Speaker: is a remarkable book in that

Speaker: sense, and just for other

Speaker: reasons.

Speaker: I also think it's just I just

Speaker: think it's a remarkable piece of

Speaker: literature.

Speaker: But the making of those movies also have been tried.

Speaker: And whether or not you think those are failures, I never once

Speaker: looked at those movies and thought that there was ill

Speaker: intent behind them.

Speaker: I thought that there was always

Speaker: the intent to tell a very weird

Speaker: and unusual story about a

Speaker: horrible person.

Speaker: Mhm.

Speaker: Um, do you think that there is a

Speaker: way to tell the story today that

Speaker: would not be nearly as like take

Speaker: the same premise, like two kids

Speaker: seven or eight years old,

Speaker: shipwrecked on an island with a

Speaker: drunk cook and like, watching

Speaker: them come of age on the island

Speaker: and and have all these things

Speaker: occur.

Speaker: Like them having sex.

Speaker: Having babies.

Speaker: Like, do you think that there is a way to do this today?

Speaker: Puppets.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Fair.

Speaker: Some sort of puppet situation.

Speaker: So no way could we ever do this.

Speaker: Like with you.

Speaker: Like there's no. I'm.

Speaker: I'm trying to go to, like, where

Speaker: your brain was, like, trying to

Speaker: give it the benefit of the

Speaker: doubt.

Speaker: Like, is there a way to tell this story cinematically that

Speaker: would not result in, like, people just being absolutely

Speaker: disgusted by it?

Speaker: I don't know, and the reason?

Speaker: I just don't know.

Speaker: It's hard for me to answer because I have never read the

Speaker: original material, and I think that that's kind of key.

Speaker: Got it.

Speaker: But there's nothing about this

Speaker: movie that makes me inspires me

Speaker: to want to read the original

Speaker: material.

Speaker: It just gives me the heebie jeebies.

Speaker: I never need to revisit this ever again.

Speaker: I think this is like the first okay.

Speaker: This has got to be the first one where we're both kind of like,

Speaker: fuck this movie.

Speaker: Yeah, because you don't find anything redeeming about this.

Speaker: I think because I think even like ten years from now, if you,

Speaker: like, caught soul, man.

Speaker: Like, like late at night, you'd be like, ah, you know what?

Speaker: I got Taco Bell.

Speaker: You know what, though?

Speaker: Here's the thing, though, okay?

Speaker: And this is like, the mistake I

Speaker: made with this film, too, was

Speaker: Soul Man.

Speaker: I, like, did some deep, deep, deep mental and emotional

Speaker: preparation for it because I remembered so much of it and

Speaker: because I knew how bad it could be, even though I hadn't watched

Speaker: it in like a long time.

Speaker: And so I did a lot of exercises

Speaker: in, like giving it the benefit

Speaker: of the doubt ahead of time for

Speaker: this film.

Speaker: There were so many parts that I didn't remember that I didn't

Speaker: even do that.

Speaker: I was just like, it seemed innocent enough at the time

Speaker: because I loved the movie when I was younger, but as an adult.

Speaker: Oh my God, it's so fucking disturbing.

Speaker: And so I wasn't prepared.

Speaker: I wasn't nearly mentally or

Speaker: emotionally prepared for this

Speaker: film.

Speaker: And so I was deeply, deeply,

Speaker: deeply disturbed while I was

Speaker: watching it.

Speaker: I saw this a lot as a kid, too,

Speaker: and I had the same out of body

Speaker: experience you did where I'm

Speaker: like, I blocked out so much of

Speaker: it.

Speaker: I remember none of the kid stuff.

Speaker: No. And I swore I saw this movie a lot and I remembered none of

Speaker: the kid stuff.

Speaker: I remembered them being rescued because I remembered the boat

Speaker: scene and I remembered her.

Speaker: The period scene.

Speaker: I remembered him taking her body to see God.

Speaker: I remember, like, little scenes like that.

Speaker: Yeah, and I remember all the

Speaker: sex, but I just it didn't

Speaker: register with me the way that

Speaker: this did.

Speaker: I just thought it was, I don't know, beautiful teenagers who

Speaker: you look up to and you're like, I hope I'm that good looking

Speaker: when I get older.

Speaker: Yeah, because I like that I didn't it didn't dawn on me how

Speaker: young she was.

Speaker: Yeah, because I was so young.

Speaker: Because I was probably like six, seven or eight or something like

Speaker: that when I saw it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And so to me, they were just older kids.

Speaker: They're just teens.

Speaker: They're teenagers.

Speaker: I didn't even think of them as kids.

Speaker: I just thought of them as as older.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Hot teenagers.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: That you look up to and you're

Speaker: like, I hope I can be popular

Speaker: one day.

Speaker: Like, without, like.

Speaker: Really?

Speaker: I mean, and I think that, like, some of, like, the other stuff,

Speaker: like the, the pregnancy stuff, the sex stuff, I think that it's

Speaker: like at a very high level.

Speaker: I understood what was happening and I was fascinated by it.

Speaker: You know, I was just like, oh,

Speaker: this is what happens when these

Speaker: two people do these things

Speaker: together.

Speaker: And like, that's what happened.

Speaker: Like, you have a baby or whatever.

Speaker: And I think I was completely clueless to the actual dynamics

Speaker: of it, but was fascinated by those aspects and didn't see it

Speaker: as creepy, but saw it is just kind of like confounding and

Speaker: like a little bit like it just raised my interest.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: Even though I didn't really understand what was happening

Speaker: when I was that young.

Speaker: But now obviously I do, and I freak the fuck out.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So it was just.

Speaker: Okay, so we're I'm a firm like Chuck the Chuck, Chuck, chuck

Speaker: the fuck out of the movie into the ocean and have it eat all

Speaker: the never wake berries.

Speaker: As a society, we need to stop talking about this movie.

Speaker: I think.

Speaker: I think that we need to, like,

Speaker: not tell future generations

Speaker: about it.

Speaker: Yeah, and let it slowly die out.

Speaker: I mean, I would love for this

Speaker: movie to die out, but I also

Speaker: think that part of what I love

Speaker: doing, what part of what I love

Speaker: about what we do here, Erin, is

Speaker: that all these movies like

Speaker: varying levels of disturbing and

Speaker: offensive, sure, but they're

Speaker: time capsules and and you have

Speaker: to kind of like, remember, like

Speaker: there was a time like when, when

Speaker: people thought it was totally

Speaker: fucking okay to make a movie

Speaker: like this, you know, as gross as

Speaker: it is, like, I'm not I'm not

Speaker: saying you have to watch the

Speaker: whole thing, but, I mean, all

Speaker: you need is a couple of scenes

Speaker: to understand.

Speaker: Listen, I say that now, but I

Speaker: don't actually mean it because I

Speaker: do think that we should actually

Speaker: keep it.

Speaker: And there's going to be a point

Speaker: in this podcast where we're

Speaker: going to come to like, Pretty

Speaker: Baby.

Speaker: Oh, yeah.

Speaker: And then we're going to like, remember, like Blue Lagoon.

Speaker: Oh, I think of that film fondly now.

Speaker: Maybe, maybe because pretty I've

Speaker: seen Pretty Baby and that movie

Speaker: is worse.

Speaker: I think I remember seeing it on cable when I was a kid, but I

Speaker: don't I don't think I watched the entire thing though, so I, I

Speaker: do remember certain parts of it.

Speaker: Maybe I did watch the whole thing, actually, but it's I

Speaker: mean, it doesn't give.

Speaker: There's yeah, there's a lot of ick in that film too, but there

Speaker: was no body double.

Speaker: Oh, God.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So we're gonna space that out before we head into that one.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: We need to calm down from this one first.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: Okay, so we're checking the hell out of this one.

Speaker: Anything else?

Speaker: Any fun facts?

Speaker: Any trivia?

Speaker: No, I mean, no, no more.

Speaker: We could have had rolly Molly Ringwald in this role.

Speaker: She had.

Speaker: Is she eleven?

Speaker: She would have been eleven.

Speaker: That's so gross.

Speaker: I don't want to imagine anything.

Speaker: And the original duo for casting was Diane Lane and Willie Ames.

Speaker: Diane Lane.

Speaker: How old was Diane Lane in eighty.

Speaker: Uh, eighteen.

Speaker: Oh, that's more appropriate, at least.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And I mean, she.

Speaker: I mean, that that would have worked.

Speaker: I mean, couldn't they have just used an eighteen year old to

Speaker: play a fourteen year old?

Speaker: Yes, they could have.

Speaker: They could have done that.

Speaker: They chose they made a conscious decision to not cast a brilliant

Speaker: actress like Diane Lane and instead said, no, you know what?

Speaker: I want to sexualize the fourteen year old.

Speaker: So gross.

Speaker: And funny enough, Willie Ames said no to this film.

Speaker: But then two years later did

Speaker: Paradise, which was the Blue

Speaker: Lagoon knockoff that he did with

Speaker: Phoebe because he was like, if

Speaker: only I'd just done The Blue

Speaker: Lagoon.

Speaker: Yeah, this movie did really well.

Speaker: Yeah, I mean, of course it did, because she was like.

Speaker: She was like a huge.

Speaker: She was huge at the time.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Brooke Shields, like she was everywhere.

Speaker: So not surprising.

Speaker: Okay, so I want to cast this movie.

Speaker: I want to tie a fucking anchor around it, Chuck it as far out

Speaker: into the goddamn ocean as I possibly can, and watch it drown

Speaker: a very slow death.

Speaker: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Speaker: I just want to like lobotomize

Speaker: the part of my brain that saw it

Speaker: recently.

Speaker: Yeah, that'd be great.

Speaker: Oh, but then I also followed it

Speaker: up with the new season of White

Speaker: Lotus.

Speaker: And then I don't want to forget

Speaker: that because that was pretty

Speaker: good.

Speaker: We can separate those two.

Speaker: It's like severance.

Speaker: Oh can I. Yeah.

Speaker: Can my can my any.

Speaker: Just remember Blue Lagoon.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And then my Audi can hold on to the memories of White Lotus.

Speaker: No, no, your your Audi is the traumatized one.

Speaker: It's the entire reason why you get severed.

Speaker: So you have to remember Blue Lagoon as your Audi, and then

Speaker: your innie gets White Lotus.

Speaker: No, I don't want my work person

Speaker: to be the one that remembers

Speaker: that.

Speaker: That's not the fun part.

Speaker: They're the the the dumb ones

Speaker: who don't have any basis in

Speaker: reality anyways.

Speaker: so it's like you're living in

Speaker: blissful ignorance when you're

Speaker: in any.

Speaker: You think that the tallest wall of waterfall in the world is,

Speaker: like ten feet tall.

Speaker: So.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: All right, all right.

Speaker: Are we ready to sign off?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Don't see it.

Speaker: Don't see it.

Speaker: Don't do it, please.

Speaker: For the love of God.

Speaker: No, no!

Speaker: Save yourself.

Speaker: No!

Speaker: Just go to Fiji and call it a day.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's time.

Speaker: Better spent.

Speaker: Time better spent money.

Speaker: Better spent everything.

Speaker: Do it with puppets.

Speaker: Do it with puppets.

Speaker: Do it with puppets.

Speaker: We're looking to you, puppets.

Speaker: We're looking to you.

Speaker: Jason Segel, make it with puppets.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: Thanks, everybody.

Speaker: Signing off.

Speaker: Cinematic.

Speaker: Problematic.