In this first episode of Born to be a Butterfly, I share my personal journey - how I went from brokenness to healing through the grace of God. You'll hear about some of my struggles, my turning point, and the transformation that led me to where I am today. If you've ever felt lost, unworthy, or stuck in the past, this episode is for you. Welcome to a space of hope, healing, and new beginnings! 🦋

📖 Ready to dive deeper into healing and transformation? Get my book, From Broken to Butterfly, on Amazon today! 🦋

Born to be a Butterfly © 2025 Nina Pajonas All rights reserved. The content of this podcast is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. The views expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of any affiliated organizations. For the full disclaimer, visit ⁠ninapajonas.com

Hey, friend. Welcome to the very first episode of Born to Be a Butterfly. My name is Nina Pajones, and I'm so excited that you're here with me today.

This is a space where we're going to get real about the struggles that we face.

We're going to discuss what true healing looks like and the faith that is required of us to become the women that God created us to be.

So if you've ever felt stuck,

broken,

or maybe you just feel like you're made for something more, but you don't know how to get there,

then you're in the right place.

In this first episode, I want to share a little bit about myself and the journey that I've been on, and I want to explain why I felt compelled to create this podcast.

First and foremost,

I was not always the woman that I am today.

In fact, for 17 years, I struggled greatly with alcoholism,

brokenness, toxic relationships, shame.

I truly believed that I was too far gone for anyone to help me but God.

He met me in my brokenness.

at 44 years old, I found myself in rehab in Florida. And I had pretty much lost everything in my life at that point. Thankfully,

my family gave me a second chance at life. They got me into that rehab because I needed help.

It was in that rehab, within the very first week, as a matter of fact, that I went to church for the first time in a very, very long time. Prior to that day, I hadn't been in Church in 27 years.

Now, when I say I hadn't been to church, I don't mean I never stepped foot into a church in all those years. What I mean is the only time I went into a church was to celebrate somebody else's occasion, like, you know, a wedding or a baptism.

It wasn't anything or any place I should say that I went into of my own volition or because I wanted to. I had no desire to be at church for all of those years.

And the reason was that my biological mother, Carmen, died when I was 17 years old. When she did, I got very angry with God.

I didn't understand how he could take her from me.

So I decided I wanted nothing to do with him for all of those years, I ran away from God.

That is, until I was 44 years old when I was in that church.

I didn't intend to go to church while I was attending rehab. I mean, that definitely was not in the cards,

but obviously God had other plans, and I'm very happy that he did.

Within that first service,

I felt the presence of God so profoundly,

I couldn't deny it. And for the first time in a really long time, I didn't want to run from Him. I wanted to run to Him. And I did.

I ran to the Lord with my broken heart and my very wounded soul. And I remember crying. It felt like somebody turned on a faucet that I couldn't shut off.

But even through the tears, even with all the pain that I was feeling, all the pain that I didn't want to feel, by the way, for all of those years that I was drinking,

even with all of that,

I mean, it was so incredibly difficult to feel all of those things in public, in front of a bunch of people that I did not know. What was so beautiful in that,

in all of that was the Lord's presence.

And let me be clear, I was so broken, ladies.

I hadn't been able to feel anything the better part of a decade. I was numb.

I was numb from drinking. I didn't want to feel anything.

Alcohol was my anesthesia. Feeling all of those emotions and feeling the presence of God as profoundly as I did during that service was life changing for me.

And I'm very happy to say I'm very grateful to say that I've never been the same since and that my life has never been the same since.

And I refuse to take credit. I really do give all glory to God for the transformation that he has performed in me and in my life. Though I have to say it was not easy.

The changes I had to make in my life, the things that I had to give over to God, the things that I had been holding on so tightly to all those broken pieces of me that I didn't trust anyone with,

I had to give that over to the Lord.

I had to surrender those things because I finally realized that the only one who could truly heal me was the one that created me.

Slowly but surely, the Lord did start transforming me. He started working on the way I looked at things and the way I looked at myself.

Then the way I started treating myself changed and the way I treated others.

Because it's a lot easier to show love and compassion for other people when you're showing it to yourself as well. All of those things affected how I lived my life and the decisions that I made.

Let me tell you this. If you don't already know it,

the sanctification process is really subtle. I mean, sometimes you don't even realize God is changing you until you're doing something you would normally do. And it just doesn't feel right.

Or maybe you're watching something that you normally watch, and all of a sudden you're like, why do I feel so uncomfortable?

At least that's the way it happened for me. I mean, it just kind of crept up on me. Slowly but surely, the Holy Spirit was transforming me into the woman that God wanted me to be.

I've been on this amazing, incredible journey now with the Lord for over seven years, and I've experienced during that time so many miracles.

I have to say that I love my life today.

And I haven't been able to say that in I don't even know how long.

I drank alcoholically for 17 years. But if I'm being honest, my brokenness started way before that.

The Lord absolutely took my broken pieces and put them back together again. One of the biggest blessings that I've received in all of this during my transformation, during the transformation of my life while walking with God, is the fact that he took my pain and he turned it into my purpose.

And I never.

I mean, hear me when I say I never thought that could possibly happen.

But we serve such a magnificent God, and He can do all things.

And what's important to know is that he can do all the things we cannot do.

So what I've experienced firsthand is his ability to make the changes in me and in my life that I was absolutely, completely unable to make myself.

And that's exactly why I wanted to create this podcast.

I want you to experience the same type of transformation.

I want you to experience that firsthand so that you can walk in the identity that God has for you, so that you can become the woman God created you to be.

If you're wondering why, why I named the podcast Born to Be a Butterfly,

I want to give you an explanation.

About four years ago, God put it on my heart to write a book.

It seems that he wanted me to provide a written account of my testimony. And I could tell you right now, I was not looking forward to it at all. There were so many things I didn't want to talk about and a lot of things that I was scared, scared to talk about.

But my love for the Lord is bigger than my fears.

So I moved forward with the assignment that he gave me, and I wrote the book.

The concept of the book was divinely provided, as well as a lot of inspiration, like scripture that's in there. And even the way I have the book laid out, all of that was it felt like I was taking divine dictation.

It was a very surreal spiritual experience. And I am beyond grateful that I had it. I really am.

I believe the reason why God wanted me to title the book From Broken to Butterfly because in nature there is no better representation of transformation than that of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

Because it involves true rebirth and a completely new identity.

Which is exactly what we experience as children of Christ when we're born again. Because we're all called to experience that type of transformation.

We're all called to evolve like that as children of Christ. So that's why it's named Born to Be a Butterfly.

Because where we start out is not where we're supposed to stay,

and as a child of Christ is not where we're supposed to end up. We are called to be More so during this podcast, I want to speak to you about what it looks like for you to heal the wounds that have been holding you back.

And when I say heal the wounds, I mean bringing them to our Savior so that he can help you be healed.

I want to discuss the hope that we can always find in him, knowing that our Creator can fix all the broken parts of our stories and that the best and most beautiful version of ourselves will be, and only can be found in Him.

Those are the conversations that I want to have.

Ultimately, I want to pass along the lessons that I've learned from the journey that I've been on. I want to share my experience,

my strength, and my hope with you.

This podcast is for women who have endured trauma,

have dealt with toxic relationships,

or who might have really deep struggles with self worth.

But it's also for women who just long to have a deeper, more intimate relationship with Christ.

It doesn't matter if you've never even said a prayer to God, or if you're just beginning to explore who he is and and what a relationship with him looks like,

or if you've been walking with him for 20 years.

It doesn't matter where you are on your walk.

All that matters is that we're all walking together.

I want to let you know what you can expect. Every week I'm going to be discussing personal stories. I'm going to offer biblical encouragement and practical steps for healing.

I'm going to have honest conversations about faith.

And when I say honest, I mean we're going to have the conversations that are hard to have. For example, what do we do during those really dark and difficult seasons that we all have where we're struggling to find our faith?

Those times when we don't feel God near us like we normally do?

Those are scary times. And we. Sometimes we don't want to admit to other people or even ourselves that we can't feel him there or that we're having doubts.

Sometimes it's hard. It's hard to. To say those things.

We don't want to sound like we're questioning God or his abilities or that our faith isn't mature enough. We don't want to have anyone sit in judgment of us because we're not where we want to be spiritually during a difficult season.

Those are the difficult conversations I'm talking about.

But in actuality, those are things that we all go through. Through. And we don't need to feel ashamed about it. We don't have to keep it a secret when we're struggling spiritually in that way,

because I'll tell you, if we do,

when we do, when we keep those things to ourselves, that's when we're most vulnerable to the enemy.

He wants to keep us isolated. He wants us to keep secrets from our sisters and not get support when we need it the most.

I want you to know that you can also look forward to guest interviews with women who I personally know who have walked through the fire and have come out on the other side stronger.

I mean, these are women that inspire me greatly, and I know that they'll inspire you, too.

Now that I've told you a little bit about myself and my story and what I want this podcast to be all about,

I want to challenge you to take five minutes this week to write down one area of your life where you feel stuck or broken.

And my suggestion would be that you pray every day. I mean, it's all about developing a relationship with the Lord. And it's really hard to develop a relationship with anyone if you're not communicating.

That's probably the most important component. Right? So making time for prayer has got to be a priority.

Prayer is your way of communicating with the Lord.

And it's really hard to have committed relationship to anyone if you're not communicating properly or consistently.

So it's the same way with God.

If you think about it, the most important relationships in your life can be easily identified by the amount of time that you spend within them. Like that person, how much of your time do they get?

How much of your attention do they get?

How much intention do you put into having time with that person? Whether it's a romantic relationship, whether it's a friendship, I mean, whether it's your sibling,

it doesn't matter.

Whatever relationship it is, if it's important to you, you make the time for it. You just do. You find the time or you make the time. And that's exactly what you need to do if you want to have a healthy spiritual relationship with the Lord.

So you could choose to pray at the beginning of the day or at the end of the day. It doesn't matter either. Or is fine.

Or you can pray in the morning and at night. It's entirely up to you. I know when I start the day in prayer, I find it's very helpful because when I go out into the world grounded in Christ, I've already asked him for his help.

I've already surrendered those things that I need to to him and walk into the world a different way when I've done that. But I also find it beneficial to pray at night.

And the reason for that is because I turn everything over to him. I talk about my day, whatever I've struggled with. I ask for forgiveness, I ask for help, I ask for guidance.

I tell him I love him, that I'm grateful for everything that he's done for me. And then I go to sleep and I find that I sleep better because I.

I don't have all those thoughts just, you know, spinning around in my head. I think we've all been there where you just keep waking up because you can't shut your brain off.

Well, I find when I pray, I'm able to shut my brain off a lot quicker and a lot better. So if that would work for you, great, because I know that it works for me.

I know a lot of people who are actually intimidated by prayer. Like they say, oh, I don't know how to pray. I don't know what to say. Do I have to say the Lord's Prayer?

Do I begin with that? Do I end with that? Like, what do I do? And they act like it's some formal event.

Like it's like a black tie spiritual event. We don't have to know 10 tons of scripture to speak to the Lord.

We don't. All that he's asking us to do is to talk to Him.

Don't make it complicated.

Just communicate. Just tell him what's on your mind. Tell him what's on your heart. Tell him if something's weighing down your soul.

And I get it. I know he's God. He knows everything. So it's kind of like, oh, why do I even have to tell Him? He already knows. But that's not the point.

The point is not what he knows,

but that you know, that he's there for you in all of it,

with all of it that you need him.

It's for you to remember that he's there.

This is a really hard world to live in. Sometimes it's pretty, pretty broken, right? I think we know that. I think we've all experienced the brokenness of this world that we live in.

And it's important for us to know that our Creator, our Father in Heaven, loves us so much and he would do anything to help us, to protect us, to provide for us.

He wants more and more opportunities to show you how much he loves you. That's what prayer is. It's building that relationship so you see more of him in your everyday life because you've asked him to show up and because you're more connected to him so when he does, you could see him more clearly.

That's what prayer does. I am so excited to be on this journey with you and if this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear from you. Send me a DM on Instagram at Born to be a butterfly and share your biggest takeaway from today.

Or if you have any questions, I would love to hear those too, and I'll be happy to answer them.

And remember,

you were born to be a butterfly.