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It's the Christmas episode! We're planning a hastily thorn together New Years Eve party. Subscribe to the newsletter to keep updated!

Check out Charles Kuralt's 1964 episode of On The Road, from Letcher County, Kentucky, "Christmas in Appalachia": https://youtu.be/qbUwR2K0s9A?si=UvPyOmnXAa2WK2RL

00:00 Introduction and Host Banter

00:18 Cat Antics and Time Perception

01:26 Back Pain and Doctor's Advice

02:07 Coffee Preferences and Decaf Dilemma

04:31 Soup Discussions and Favorite Recipes

06:29 Picky Eaters and Food Anxiety

11:59 Childhood Food Memories

14:18 Appalachian Life and Historical Reflections

25:51 Social Spaces and Queer Community Ideas

28:39 Dissertation Challenges and Academic Life

33:47 Unexpected Name Revelation

34:39 Academic Achievements and Challenges

37:26 Student Evaluations and Feedback

41:02 AI in Academia

48:10 Heating and Housing Stories

48:17 The Heart of the Home: Potbelly Coal Stove

56:20 Appalachian Life and Culture

59:23 New Year's Plans and Podcast Updates

01:04:11 Holiday Wishes and Farewell

Welcome to Queernecks the podcast that

puts the Yee Hall in y'all means hall.

2

I'm your host, Beck, and I'm your host.

3

Dash.

4

Welcome to today's episode.

5

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

I am surrounded by cats.

6

Like I don't even know where

they all were five minutes ago.

7

And now that we're recording,

they're staring at me

8

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

Is it lunchtime?

9

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: in half an hour

and I know they don't know the difference.

10

Right.

11

What's a half hour to a cat?

12

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Oh no.

13

They know the difference for sure.

14

When we had the time

change, baby knew she knew.

15

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Well,

and this is their first year.

16

It's not their first winter here, but

like last winter we lived in the, in the

17

dorm and there wasn't a lot of light.

18

And here it's like we have a ton

of natural light in the house here.

19

And so the sun sets at like

3 45 and that's new for them.

20

They've never lived anywhere

that it was quite that extreme.

21

so yeah, anytime it's basically

we get up on noon, they're like.

22

It could be dinner time,

it could be tomorrow.

23

We don't know.

24

It's gonna take your word for

it, that everything's okay.

25

Like time's not real.

26

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

It is all an illusion.

27

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

28

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: The only thing

that's real is back pain, my friend.

29

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Lord,

let me tell you about that.

30

The doctor prescribed me,

um, warm liquids and walks.

31

So I'm, I'm a 80-year-old man basically

32

because they intubated me twice because

the first time they fucked it up.

33

And then the surgery itself,

they went in through my neck.

34

So it all just hurts like hell in there.

35

And she was like, yeah, like alternate

heat and ice on the outside and

36

just have hot liquids all the time.

37

And I was like, well, so you're

saying drink coffee all day?

38

All right.

39

She's like, that is not what I said.

40

did not say to mainline

caffeine all the time.

41

So I had to do something

that I have not done.

42

I'm not gonna say I've never owned

before, but like it's been a long time.

43

Like I don't remember the last

time Decaffeinated coffee grounds

44

crossed my door, what's it called?

45

Doorframe across my, what is that called?

46

What's the name of

47

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Um,

48

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Doorstep?

49

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: threshold.

50

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

51

Threshold.

52

anyway, so I had to buy some of that stuff

and I still don't like the taste of it.

53

I know it could be, it

could be made up, right.

54

It could not be real, but I swear

I can taste the difference between

55

decaffeinated and regular coffee.

56

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I'm

sure there is a difference.

57

I wish I liked coffee.

58

It's just not in the cards for me.

59

I went to Flatlands and BG and

they told me, the guy was like,

60

I'm gonna make you drink coffee.

61

And I was like, you can try.

62

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh,

63

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: the

first, yeah, the first thing he

64

tried, I was like, it was like

very light, like no coffee in it.

65

I was like, this is disgusting.

66

Like I, I don't know what you want me to

67

say.

68

I told you I don't.

69

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: you can go too

light with it, where you're just basically

70

drinking kind of dirty hot water.

71

And that's not gonna be, I don't

know that that's really showcasing

72

the best that coffee has to offer.

73

but I do like sympathize with, ' , you

know, somebody says like, have

74

hot drinks all day long and

you're a coffee drinker, great.

75

But no, you physically cannot

drink coffee all day long.

76

You have to.

77

There's gotta be something else.

78

And I don't like anything else.

79

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Not hot

80

chocolate.

81

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

No, not hot chocolate.

82

Not, tea.

83

I don't really like tea, like.

84

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Me either.

85

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: To drink

tea, I have to put milk and sugar in

86

it, and then, then it becomes something

that's really unhealthy to have all day.

87

So that's not what they mean either,

88

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: There's

89

always apple cider, hot apple cider.

90

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

91

I haven't tried that one yet.

92

That's true.

93

I,

94

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: There's a, you

can get a box mix like an instant packet.

95

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

what does it taste like?

96

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: It's good.

97

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

is it sweet or is it dry?

98

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: It's sweet.

99

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Okay.

100

I've, uh, I like malted milk, but I've

only ever had it cold, like with ice

101

cream, you know, like a malt that way

102

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

Shanna's a big fan of that too.

103

She's a big Whopper fan.

104

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: in, um,

England there's something they have

105

called Bavel that they have when it's

cold and it's literally just, it's

106

soup, but they drink it and it's,

it's kind of like bullion, I guess.

107

I only know about it because I consume

a ton of, British like content.

108

But I thought like that might

be kind of nice actually.

109

'cause it's, you know, salty,

it's kind of like a meal too.

110

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right.

111

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

And I like broth.

112

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

What's your favorite soup ever?

113

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh lord.

114

Hmm.

115

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I

have a dark one and a light one.

116

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I

was just about to say like,

117

there's, different kinds of.

118

Of soups and then there's, you

know, is it a super as stew?

119

What's, what's yours?

120

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Well,

chili, which is technically a soup.

121

I

122

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

123

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: chili.

124

Um, but chicken tortilla soup

was probably my favorite.

125

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: My cousin,

Tracy makes, makes that, and that hers

126

is the only version I've ever tried.

127

I've been around it before,

but like at Buffets I'll have

128

it, but I've never tried it.

129

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: The chichis,

I don't know if you remember the

130

restaurant Chichis, they had the best

chicken tortilla soup in the world.

131

It was a chain, uh, like a, a faux

Mexican like mexicana kind of food.

132

Um, but they would bring you a

bowl and there would be like a

133

pile of chicken and chilies and

cheese in the middle of the bowl.

134

And then they'd bring you a little

container, um, a little pouring bottle

135

of, uh, hot soup and you would pour

it over it and everything would melt.

136

And it was phenomenal.

137

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

that sounds like exquisite.

138

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

Yes, I miss it every day.

139

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Hmm.

140

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: It's one of

those things, they can't have it anymore.

141

So you think about it all the time.

142

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I'm a big

fan of, like Japanese soups, like,

143

um, ramen or Vietnamese soup, like pho

144

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

I've never tried it.

145

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: you

know, you live, well, I don't know

146

how far 'cause you're north of bg.

147

This would be west over in, um,

what's the name of that town?

148

Right next to the west.

149

It starts with a p

150

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Perrysburg.

151

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Harrisburg.

152

There's a place there called Bangkok

Kitchen that has, pretty delicious.

153

It's a little more

Pan-Asian than purely Thai.

154

Like, it has, a a selection

of, of various, Asian things.

155

It even has some, like.

156

sub continental things like, um, curry,

like Indian things, but they have a

157

really good selection of soups there

that, you know, you can't really go

158

wrong with But yeah, I mean, if you

ever get over there, I'm, I never had

159

anything there that I didn't like.

160

Love

161

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: The

problem is my wife is the pickiest

162

eater that has ever been born.

163

Like I think she has that, uh, arfid.

164

she has at least some variation

of it because she eats the same.

165

So we order Mexican food a lot

166

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

167

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: like right

behind our house and they'll have tacos

168

here in 20 minutes and it's fabulous.

169

Um, but we've always been a Mexican

restaurant going couple and in the

170

thousand times that we've probably been

to a Mexican restaurant in the last

171

22 years, she has ordered something,

not chicken nachos like twice.

172

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Hmm.

173

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

And I'm not exaggerating.

174

She orders the exact, and it's

chicken, cheese, and tomatoes

175

and that's all she eats.

176

We go to Taco Bell, she gets a

Mexican pizza and she gets two

177

crunchy tacos, you know, and she's

happy with that kind of diet.

178

She doesn't, if we get Chinese

food, she gets a, a bowl of soup.

179

She gets the egg drop, not

the egg drop, the wonton soup.

180

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

181

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: and she eats

the chicken from the sweet and sour.

182

No rice, no potatoes,

no C crab, rangoon, no

183

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

184

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: no anything.

185

And so it's kind of a waste to

take her to those kind of places

186

'cause she won't eat in them.

187

need a friend that will go with me.

188

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: yeah, you do.

189

You need a, you need a,

a, a food date friend.

190

cause yeah, I mean, you don't,

you don't want to push somebody to

191

do something that's uncomfortable

just so you can try something else.

192

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: We had a

gift card to Olive Garden one time

193

that we got for Christmas or something.

194

Um, because she has a real

problem wasting money on food.

195

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

196

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: other thing.

197

She doesn't wanna waste some

money and then not like it.

198

we grew up poor, you know, and

so we went to Olive Garden.

199

We weren't wasting any money.

200

You know, we had plenty on the gift card

to cover it and she tried some kind of

201

butter chicken or whatever it was, and she

was so anxious about it that she threw up.

202

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

Anxious that she wouldn't like it.

203

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

204

Or that it would taste funny in her mouth

or have a weird mouth feel or whatever

205

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah,

that's, that's an an, that's for sure.

206

Anxiety there.

207

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

208

But that's what we deal with anytime

we try to some, try something.

209

Um, new though, she

surprises me sometimes.

210

Like we went to the spaghetti

warehouse and she tried the

211

rigatoni there and really liked it.

212

Um, she got it without the ricotta, but.

213

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Well, in, uh,

, I didn't live with Eric, but , we spent

214

pretty much every second together, the,

all the whole time I lived out there.

215

Um, and we lived across

the hall from each other.

216

So, you know, our lives

were pretty intertwined.

217

And he also, uh, he

describes his eating habits.

218

He'll say, I don't like flavor.

219

So

220

for him, and it's not, I

don't think he means that he

221

doesn't enjoy certain things.

222

He's basically saying to you

like the blandest, you can

223

make it subtract something.

224

And that's how I want it.

225

And, and so everywhere we went,

he had very, his very specific

226

things that he would eat.

227

you, you want to go somewhere If somebody

is, is like that, you wanna go somewhere.

228

They can depend on having

something that they like.

229

and so what we wound up doing was

anytime we would get together, I'd

230

be like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna

put in my order at South Side six and

231

then on our way to pick mine up, we'll

go by Subway and you can get your

232

disgusting microwaved ham sandwich,

233

like even Subway, how they

actually do their things.

234

Like they're not particularly

good at what they do, but they're

235

also just not horrible at it.

236

But even theirs, even their like

boring kind of gross way of doing

237

things wasn't enough for him.

238

He had this like set of instructions,

he would say, I want you to take the

239

white bread and put, just ham and just

American cheese on it, and then put

240

it in the microwave, not the toaster.

241

I do not want this.

242

I, I don't want this to

feel like food, basically.

243

And he would instruct them to microwave

this thing before they gave it to him.

244

And I was like, that is the

grossest thing I've ever seen.

245

And you could tell even the little, the

sandwich artists would be like, okay.

246

And they got to where, and they got

to know us, and they just got to

247

where they would stop trying because

they're supposed to ask you like,

248

okay, do you, what do you want on it?

249

What do you want lettuce?

250

What, what kind of, and he was

like, I don't know how to tell.

251

I want nothing on this.

252

I want you to take that processed

meat and processed cheese and

253

shitty ass white bread and

microwave it and then give it to me.

254

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

Hey has standards.

255

He has standards.

256

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: He

sent food back before because

257

they put a pickle on the plate,

258

and I know he hated to do it

like he wasn't being a dick

259

because he, he's always so nice.

260

Right?

261

And, and like we agree on this,

like, I won't go out to eat with

262

somebody that treats servers shitty.

263

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Agreed.

264

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: He hated

to do it, but he was just like, I

265

physically can't put this in my mouth.

266

it turns into this whole thing.

267

Then that contributes to anxiety

because then you have to have a full

268

blown discussion about what the, the

fuck's wrong with you and your food

269

before you place your order, because

you don't wanna put them through the

270

aftermath of getting it slightly wrong.

271

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yep.

272

I hear ya.

273

one thing Shannon does surprise me

sometimes there's some things that she

274

likes that I don't like, like pickles.

275

I am not a pickle fan in any way.

276

Um, if it comes on the plate,

I can deal with that, but, um.

277

I'm not, I don't, I, I'm not

a big fan of it, but I have,

278

my, my taste buds are changing.

279

Like at McDonald's my whole life, I've

been a plain cheeseburger kind of girl.

280

I put the, I put french fries on

my cheeseburger at McDonald's.

281

It

282

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

283

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: And, um,

sometimes you'll order a plain and

284

they'll come with all the stuff on

it anyway, so you gotta wipe it off.

285

And that happened and I ate

it and it was delicious.

286

And I was

287

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh,

288

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: the hell?

289

So now I like ketchup

290

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: there we go.

291

I remember like.

292

Growing up, there was some, I don't

think I have anything like that at all.

293

Like I'm pretty adventurous with food

and I'll try pretty much anything.

294

But, um, I may have only been able to

become that way because of the way our

295

mom would treat us about food, because

she was like, I can't throw this out

296

and make you something different.

297

If you don't like this, this is your meal

until tomorrow and when you're a kid.

298

And like, I just remember

being hungry all the time.

299

And it is not because we didn't

have food necessarily, we always had

300

food, but there were so many weird

rules around food because it was

301

hard to get, and it was precious.

302

And also we grew to be pretty

big and quickly, like we, I,

303

once I started growing, I didn't

stop for a very long time.

304

I was.

305

Underweight for most of my

childhood, which my mom loved

306

'cause she wanted skinny kids.

307

But like, so the threat of not

getting dinner was really scary

308

the way you can be hungry as a kid

versus an adult is totally different.

309

Like this panic sets in and you're

like, I'm never gonna see food again.

310

and the way it like physically hurts your

stomach when you're a kid because you're

311

just burning through that all of that

energy and your metabolism is so fast.

312

and I would like throw up, um,

like stomach acid and stuff.

313

Yeah.

314

When I would get so hungry.

315

Um, so there was so many textures I hated,

couldn't stand the textures of various

316

things like peas, any, any of those awful

canned vegetables we had to eat, but.

317

I had to eat 'em because

it was kind of all we had.

318

so now I can tolerate weird things better

than I think I would've been able to if we

319

had been, if we'd had some more options.

320

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

My mom was the opposite.

321

Um, she had like six recipes on rotation

and then we ordered out every other night,

322

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Well,

you lived near things though.

323

You know, you like they was, um, a

Hardy's in Jellico and that was it.

324

like the little, um, the market

there, there was a, a market in

325

town, but it wasn't a Kroger,

it wasn't something like that.

326

I don't know if people know what

grocery stores used to be like.

327

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right,

328

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: ate what they

had and what was on special that week was

329

usually what most people had for dinner.

330

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right.

331

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: If y'all,

if anybody follows us on Facebook,

332

I put up a video this week of the

old, um, Charles Kuralt on the Road.

333

Uh, he did this feature on CBS all

throughout the, I think he start, he

334

started in the late fifties and up

until basically his death he would

335

just travel around America and try

to, show different ways of, of living.

336

Like the whole point of this

series was basically like

337

America's a very diverse place.

338

It's such an interesting show.

339

A lot of these are on YouTube.

340

Um, but he went to

Appalachia several times.

341

But in 64, I believe it

was, he went to Appalachia.

342

He went to Letcher County,

Kentucky, uh, for Christmas.

343

And boy, is that eye-opening.

344

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

345

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yes.

346

It's a half hour long special, The one

thing that really, there were two things

347

that really struck me, because I, Letcher

County was one of the poorest counties

348

in Kentucky, and this was after, um,

the breakup of the big company towns.

349

So basically the people in the

sixties who were living this

350

was like the post the Coal Wars.

351

This was abject poverty.

352

This was as poor as it got in the country

and just the way that, people were

353

talking about what Christmas means at

this time period, and he asked this one

354

woman, he said, does, does Christmas have

a religious meaning for you all still?

355

And the way that she didn't feel

any political pressure, she didn't,

356

she wasn't subject to, to what we

now live with in terms of like.

357

Whether we're allowed to tell

the truth about how we feel

358

about religion, this or that.

359

She said, you know, I don't know.

360

Because on the one hand, these stories

we tell ourselves every Sunday would

361

seem to indicate that, if one is

good, then one should reap rewards.

362

but on the other hand, I'm looking at

my neighbor up the hill that has a meal.

363

And for us, like she said Christmas

is literally no different than the

364

day before or the day after for us.

365

and then there was another family

that like, uh, they were too poor to

366

go to school, which really got me,

not because school cost anything, but

367

because they didn't have clothes to wear.

368

and they showed these kids and they were

like wearing, one was wearing a, Coat as

369

a shirt, and they were big holes outta

the sides and it was wintertime and this

370

child was freezing wearing this outfit.

371

he was like, yeah, I feel

like my kids are smart.

372

And they would do great in school,

but they can't go because they can't,

373

they literally don't have anything

to wear and you can't just, clothes

374

aren't gonna fall from the sky.

375

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

That's how my grandma was.

376

She had to drop outta school at sixth

grade because she had to go like

377

sell eggs and, and do everything

she could to help make money.

378

'cause she was the oldest in her family.

379

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Right.

380

Yeah.

381

I don't know about my mom's parents, but

I know that, um, my dad's parents went

382

up until sixth grade, so they learned

to read and write basically, and they

383

learned how to do math and stuff, but

they had those skills and that was enough.

384

And then they had to go

and start making money.

385

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

386

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I don't know.

387

It's interesting.

388

I, I would like to know

more about how people.

389

How the rest of the country

perceived those kinds of

390

things when they aired on tv.

391

Like, what did they think?

392

Because that would've been the first

time they really knew about what

393

life was like in Appalachia after the

collapse of the coal company system,

394

there's another section where he goes

on a walk with a guy through where the

395

town had been, and he describes all the

stores and businesses and the life that

396

had been there back when the, like some

of the wealth from what was produced

397

from the mines actually got to stay in

Appalachia for a time, before the, like

398

the company system was set up and all

of it became, began to be exported out.

399

so he was like, yeah, over here

was our soda pop fountain and

400

it'd be open past midnight.

401

And over here was town hall

where we would have dances.

402

And uh, over here was a store

where you could get anything

403

you wanted and it was all just.

404

It was like maybe 20 years

for this to fall down.

405

And he, all these buildings

were just standing empty.

406

It was really fascinating.

407

I can, I'll put, I'll put the link to

that video in our, in the show notes

408

here, if anybody wants to check it out.

409

It was like both fascinating and I,

it felt like it feels important to pay

410

attention to those kinds of things, but

I also was pretty upset by the end of it.

411

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

412

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah,

because I mean, 64, that was 15 years.

413

Wait, hang on.

414

I'm too, I'm too, I'm

trying to do math now.

415

No, that is, that was 15

years before I was born, so.

416

Well, I, sometimes I'll tell people like,

yeah, I was, I grew up in the eighties

417

in Appalachia, which is the sixties

to anybody else because time stopped.

418

I.

419

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Mark Twain

has a famous, uh, quote where he

420

said that he hopes when he dies, he's

in Cincinnati, because everything

421

happens there 20 years later.

422

And I think feel like that's the, the

thing the same for all of Appalachia.

423

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Absolutely.

424

Yeah.

425

I mean, 'cause in the pictures, if you

look at, you know, photos of when I grew

426

up, and I don't know if it's the same

for you, you would not be able to place

427

that as the 1980s from these photos.

428

'cause nothing in, it's

nothing in it's new.

429

We're all dressed like

it was 20 years ago.

430

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

431

I think about the way my mom dresses

dressed me and the way that they dress

432

these kids today, and it's like, whoa.

433

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

it's even style, like style.

434

Like we honestly to us, we were like, yeah

man, this is the height of style and cool.

435

We did not know that we were

20 years behind the times.

436

people were French rolling their pants.

437

I don't, I actually don't know

when, when was that actually cool.

438

When was listeners Let us know

if you French strolled your

439

pants and, and when that was.

440

I'm gonna Google it right now.

441

Even the magazines and

stuff we had was old.

442

when was French rolling?

443

Cool.

444

Late 1980s.

445

Yeah.

446

That was still very much

happening in the late nineties.

447

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah, for sure.

448

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Where I lived.

449

Did you ever wear your clothes

backwards, like crisscross?

450

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: No,

451

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh man,

452

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: anyway.

453

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

I did, but you know what?

454

It was actually clothes

aren't made to fit that way.

455

It was really uncomfortable.

456

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I do have

a story one time, um, I was gonna,

457

it was after bingo we had, um, I

had worked bingo and I stopped at

458

an ATM to get some money afterwards.

459

And so I changed my shirt in the drive

through and I didn't realize that

460

it was in front of an ATM camera.

461

It like, didn't even cross my mind.

462

So I had changed my shirt and,

because when back then smoking

463

was allowed and you smelled like

bingo funk when you came out of

464

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh yeah.

465

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

Um, so I, I changed and I went

466

into this little grocery store.

467

It was a big bear.

468

and I went through the line

and the lady kinda looked at

469

me weird and I was like, okay.

470

And when I got outside, I realized

my shirt was not only on inside

471

out, but backwards as well.

472

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: It, it's

always like, it, it's really a, a gotcha

473

whenever you manage both of them and

still somebody else has to point it out.

474

I remember working at a Pizza Hut,

and they allowed smoking inside and

475

that's like you would leave even if,

even without smoking in the picture.

476

You smell like shit when you left

p working a, a shift at Pizza Hut,

477

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: right.

478

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: is the Griest

Pizza in existence and it, and it gets in

479

the air like it, it won't wash out, won't

wash outta your clothes, won't wash outta

480

your uniform, but then adding smoking on

top of it, smoking in grease, it's ugh.

481

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yep.

482

We would have 200 people in one

room smoking their hearts out,

483

gambling, and I'd be sitting, you

know, four feet above 'em on my

484

little stage right above the haze.

485

I.

486

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: They,

uh, I walked down to the, um, uh,

487

not grocery store post office,

which goes past the only restaurant

488

that I know of, in existence here.

489

and it, it's the one that has, it's

got the, the times listed on the door.

490

It just says open to close,

like those are its towers.

491

but they had put a little, um, placard

out front, whiteboard and written on it,

492

music bingo at 8:00 PM And I wondered,

like, is is music bingo a kind of bingo

493

or, or did they mean like music and bingo?

494

Is the Bingo music themed or were there

gonna be music and also play in Bingo?

495

Neither one of those

sounds possible to me,

496

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right, because

you gotta be able to hear the caller.

497

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

but what would music bingo be?

498

And

499

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: you

get up and change packs with

500

other people like musical chairs.

501

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: the more I

thought about it, the more I was like,

502

this could be some like genius marketing,

because I'm still thinking about this

503

when I got home like 20 minutes later.

504

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: There's a

bingo hall here in Toledo, um, it's

505

north of Toledo, um, that they share

a wall with a Mexican restaurant.

506

And when you're playing bingo, you

could hear the through the wall while

507

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Nice.

508

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

that's what they mean, right?

509

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Maybe.

510

I don't know.

511

'cause it also, they're both happening

at 8:00 PM so I did, I actually, I did

512

consider walking back over, but like

I'm still, I'm too scared to, this is

513

a dumb thing to be scared of, right?

514

Because.

515

Nobody's looking at you, but I still

just hate to walk into a strange place.

516

'cause that's actually not true.

517

They are looking at you here.

518

If you walk in somewhere by yourself alone

and they don't know who you are, nobody

519

even, nobody ever stops looking at you.

520

You're the going concern from the second

you walk into the second you leave.

521

'cause I did try once

to go in somewhere here.

522

granted everybody was drunk so they,

they were probably staring more than

523

they would have if they had been sober.

524

' cause the other thing

they have here is a bar.

525

And it was the only thing.

526

So the very first night I moved here

and didn't have anything to eat.

527

And then I realized, I

was like, oh fuck nothing.

528

There's nothing here.

529

Uh, and the next day was.

530

It was a Saturday, so

the next day was Sunday.

531

I was like, I'm not gonna eat for days.

532

So I was like, I had, driven past

this little bar here and it says that

533

they had food, like, you know, pizzas

and burgers and things and, but, but

534

nobody picks up the phone here because

I was calling, I was like, gonna try

535

to like, Hey, can I place an order?

536

Nope, they do not do that.

537

Uh, even if they did pick up the

phone, no, they don't do that.

538

So I just like walked down.

539

I was like, fuck, I can tell they're open.

540

I can hear 'em from here.

541

I know they're open.

542

So I walked down there and it was

like being in a movie, like everybody

543

stopped and looked at me, which

I think they do for everybody.

544

The door opened so everybody looks,

and they didn't recognize me.

545

And so they just never stopped staring.

546

And I was like, this is God awful.

547

I don't know if I can do this.

548

And so I was sitting there.

549

I think they were trying to include me,

so they kept trying to buy me beers and

550

stuff and I was like, I don't drink.

551

Please God, just don't

ask me how I got here.

552

Just gimme my goddamn

burger and let me out.

553

So I haven't gone back.

554

I know I'm the weirdo for

not drinking, but whatever.

555

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

I don't drink either.

556

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I think, I

think fewer people would if it wasn't

557

such a you, you just about ha have to

sometimes to get any kind of social life,

558

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

559

It is a social lubricant.

560

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah, exactly.

561

Uh, I really think we would like

it less if there were other methods

562

of, of hanging out with people.

563

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I

564

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Okay.

565

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: will

become that as they get, um, lounges

566

and things like that started.

567

But it's the same idea.

568

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I mean,

it might be slightly better for you.

569

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I hope

for at least queer people that we get

570

some sort of space, like, like a third

space where we could have, you know.

571

Conversations and that kind of

572

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

573

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: a bar.

574

That's, I think that's why alcoholism

is such a, a drain on the L-G-B-T-Q

575

community because that's where

you go to, to meet your people.

576

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

Here's what I'm thinking.

577

You know, how, like there are those

sports centers like a, a Google Plex or

578

whatever that have various activities

inside 'em, like Dave and Buster's.

579

there's several of them there

in Lexington that we used to

580

have events at when I worked in

admissions, let's make a queer one.

581

Sort of like the bar complex in Lexington,

it's got five different bars in it.

582

but instead of bars it's

different sober activities.

583

Um, I don't know what they would

be though, 'cause some, you know,

584

some of them maybe could be a like

batting cages or something that

585

has like that kind of stuff in it.

586

Batting cages or um, golf driving

range or bowling or something.

587

The usual stuff, but no alcohol.

588

And then others like that can

be how they make money, right?

589

Like you charge per game

or something like that.

590

But the other places could be something

like a library or a place to chill

591

where you don't have to spend money

necessarily in order to be there.

592

'cause we're still fighting against

this like, economic engine of the bar.

593

a third space costs money.

594

it could be a range of how much, um, you

know, depending on what kind of space it

595

is and what you're trying to pull off.

596

But alcohol is a way people cover that

costs a lot of times ' cause it's so

597

cheap to get and you can market up so much

I've worked in a bar, I know they're just

598

buying the $13 30 pack of Miller High Life

and then selling it to you for $3 a can.

599

So it's hard to think

what you do different.

600

Maybe just a suggestion.

601

Donation box.

602

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: or just

have like a donut bar, but then

603

you wouldn't have any gay guys.

604

'cause none of 'em wanna be fat.

605

So.

606

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: donut.

607

Donut bars a really good idea though.

608

'cause you, everywhere you go has,

you know, alternatives, right?

609

Because, There might be vegans too.

610

And I think that they

can't always eat donuts.

611

I'm not sure.

612

Not a hundred percent.

613

So, you know, you could diversify

to have an offering for everybody.

614

Um, but yeah, I'd give a, I'd give

$2 to, to have a donut and coffee

615

and sit around with people who are

also having a donut and coffee,

616

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah, me too.

617

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

like social lubricant doesn't

618

have to mean intoxicated.

619

We'll have our, our Queernecks

So social, Google Plex

620

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: And library.

621

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

and Library of course.

622

Especially because they're trying to

take all the queer shit out of libraries.

623

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I've been

working on my dissertation quite a bit,

624

and, uh, speaking of libraries, I was

looking at my list of, um, citations that

625

I already have and it's over 200 citations

just before I even like start writing.

626

There's so much, so much to be read

627

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: You

know, I still couldn't tell you if

628

everything in my work cited actually

appeared in the document anywhere.

629

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: right.

630

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I did

try, I did make, I made an effort as

631

often as I could to be like, okay,

is this actually appearing somewhere?

632

But, 'cause I, I was the same way.

633

Like I had stopped and

started writing so many times.

634

By the time it went to finishing it, I

was just putting stuff in that relevant

635

to what I was talking about just then.

636

It doesn't matter, you know, nobody cared.

637

Nobody asked me about it, so fuck it.

638

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right.

639

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Did,

uh, so have you had, um, any

640

more meetings with, uh, TMK about

narrowing down topic and all that?

641

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: No, um,

think he was leaving that to me, um,

642

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: No.

643

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: yeah,

so, and I, I basically have been

644

working on an outline for a chapter,

um, and I'm gonna go from there.

645

and then I have several pages written.

646

I'm gonna just write and see

what he thinks of it, because

647

the last time I turned something

in, he said it was terrific.

648

So that's, there's that.

649

And when I took theory with him, I

could not give that man, get that man

650

to give me an a on any of my papers.

651

I got a B on like everything.

652

And then towards the end of the

semester I was like, fuck it, I'm

653

just gonna write what I think.

654

And I like just free wrote and I

got a's on the last two papers.

655

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yep.

656

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I need

to just let go and, and trust myself

657

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I, that

really is, what they're looking for

658

a lot of times is when, is like that

moment when you start to trust yourself.

659

The material.

660

that's what my chair also said.

661

She was like, the day that you like

stopped pretending that this other

662

topic that you thought sounded really

smart was actually interesting to you

663

and like, trusted yourself that you

were interested in this other thing

664

because there was something to it.

665

'cause that's, that really is it.

666

Like you're interested in something.

667

You can't stop thinking about the certain

topic or, obsessing about this particular

668

thing because you see something in it.

669

and so just like trusting

yourself after that point is

670

when it just starts to, to roll.

671

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

672

I'm hoping to get there.

673

My goal is 40 pages over winter

break, and I know I can do that.

674

'cause I used to prop out

25 in a weekend, you know,

675

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Right?

676

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

for, for semester ba for like

677

semester papers and shit.

678

So I know I can do this.

679

I just, I, I feel like I've been in

the pre-writing mode for so long.

680

I've been telling myself,

just do the reading.

681

Just do the reading.

682

Just do the reading and you'll get to it.

683

And now I feel like I have so much in

my head that it's all kind of jumbled

684

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

685

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: and I

just, I just have to get everything

686

in that I have in there out.

687

There's, there's plenty in there.

688

I just have to figure out how to

get it out and how to frame it

689

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah, it

feels like a kinda a traffic jam.

690

cause you're like, well now

I know all of this shit.

691

Where does it go?

692

And I know it fits together, but how

do I turn it into something that can,

693

that has any kind of logical flow to it?

694

if you, if you make, can make an

outline work like this goes for

695

anybody who has a lot of writing to do.

696

If you can do that, the

outline is your best friend.

697

I made a bunch of different ones over the

course of it, it looked different Every

698

time I do it, I have one notebook that's

just filled with all of the outlines

699

I made over and over and over again.

700

I, uh, also used notebooks

like handwriting things, a lot

701

more than, I didn't hardly do

any drafting on the computer.

702

It was mostly all of that planning

stuff was done on paper so I

703

could flip back and compare it

704

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right.

705

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: and

I'm too a DHD to have multiple

706

copies of a dis of a document.

707

I got into that when I was doing all

those edits for upload, and I was

708

like, oh my God, which version is this?

709

I almost got into serious trouble

with not being able to keep the

710

different versions straight.

711

They emailed again, saying

there's always something else.

712

'cause they're doing,

uh, what do they call it?

713

Clearing for graduation,

evaluating all the things.

714

And, um, Becca hadn't assigned me

a grade for dissertation hours.

715

So like, they emailed and they're

like, what, what's the grade on these?

716

'cause right now it's cons,

it's all, um, IP or in progress.

717

And she just replied and said, it's

all s And I was like, I, I think

718

they want you to fill out something.

719

I think there's a, a document.

720

There's almost always a document like,

please God, don't fuck this up for me.

721

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

My grad rep died last week.

722

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh my God.

723

The bastard one

724

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

no, they got it.

725

Switched over to a different

726

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: a new one.

727

You got a new grad rep and they died.

728

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: yeah.

729

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

Dude, did you know him?

730

Who was it?

731

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

No, I've, I'd heard his name.

732

Um, uh, Lu Lume.

733

I, it was a foreign name and I'm not

good with, with things like that.

734

Um, I can tell you.

735

Hang on.

736

I got an email from that office saying,

that's how I found out was, um, they

737

said that I need to get a new grad rep.

738

And it was like, geez, give

the man a day, you know,

739

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh God.

740

I mean, was it, do you think

it was natural causes or

741

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Uh, he

742

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: it,

743

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: young.

744

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

oh no, that sucks.

745

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

746

Come on now.

747

Just waiting on this to load.

748

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I

am gonna die laughing if it's

749

nothing close to the lu mirror.

750

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

It's something like that.

751

Come on, pop off.

752

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Pop off.

753

Okay, so that sounds Slavic or,

754

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

Uh, all I know about Popov is

755

this name of the cheap vodka,

756

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: yeah.

757

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Lubomir.

758

L-U-B-O-M-I-R.

759

Popov.

760

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Wow.

761

You were right.

762

Well, RIP loop mirror,

763

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

764

was, um, a style and fashion enthusiast.

765

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: what is it?

766

With my aunt Jan wrote that in

my Aunt Josie's, um, obituary,

767

not the elegy, the obituary, the

thing that goes in the paper.

768

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

That's hilarious.

769

He, he completed two doctoral

degrees, a PhD in sociology

770

and a PhD in architecture.

771

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Wow.

772

Smart dude.

773

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

Interior design.

774

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Well, it

sounds like he made the most of life.

775

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

776

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: RIP Are they

gonna do this for you automatically?

777

'cause you don't get to choose.

778

Right.

779

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: No,

Becca figured it out last time,

780

so I'm figuring she'll do it this

781

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I think

it's a, it's a random assignment.

782

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I don't know.

783

I don't know how it works.

784

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

my, I got lucky.

785

I mean, there were, we both know, and,

and I think you even have a horror story,

786

about grad reps who derailed, projects.

787

And, and I got lucky.

788

Like my dude was, he fully

understood his assignment, right?

789

He was like, well, I mean, I'm here

just to make sure that your, you,

790

your rights are respected and, you

know, this process is, is equitable.

791

But even after my defense, he was like,

but I teach, um, teaches in media.

792

He said, what?

793

And I forget, but he was like, I'm

gonna steal that model that you

794

talked about for, uh, spectatorship.

795

Because I was trying to talk about,

like, I was trying to, I created a

796

model to describe the, like specific

positionality of the spectator.

797

To a particular signifying screen

or image or something like that.

798

And he was like, that's, that's a pretty,

like, that's a clear way to describe that.

799

I'm gonna start using that.

800

I was like, well, fuck, beside me,

801

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: That's awesome.

802

Yeah, my guy came in and

basically tried to fail me.

803

Like I'm pretty sure he, he tried to

fail me in my, uh, prelims and um,

804

was mad about my prospectus and he

just was not a nice guy whatsoever.

805

And he was in like speech pathology.

806

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: what is with

I, I mean, I know that they're required to

807

do service, but where would you get it in

your head that it's in your business, what

808

the content of the, study is and that you

have any idea what they're talking about?

809

'cause you're, you're almost

assured to be assigned a, um.

810

Project that's not in

your field as a grad rep?

811

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

But at least he's gone.

812

So whoever I get,

hopefully will be better.

813

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

814

I'm glad they replaced that guy,

815

which may be what they want sometimes,

816

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right.

817

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: although

I can't figure, because it's not like

818

it lets you off the hook for service.

819

I was out for like six years and my poor

dude was still on the hook for my project.

820

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah, he

would've been like, when, when I reen,

821

when I re-enrolled and everything,

um, I had the same committee.

822

and then Becca helped me figure out

how to get the different grad rep.

823

She just, it was done and I,

824

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

825

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

out a form and it was done.

826

So

827

the Y is an amazing Becca.

828

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I hope

she makes a shit load of money,

829

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Me

830

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: know?

831

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

She deserves it.

832

Speaking of all that,

833

, I got my, uh, evaluations

back for this semester

834

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: You

said you pissed somebody off.

835

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: yeah.

836

One kid, I got real pi like it.

837

92% of my class thinks that I'm

an excellent professor and one

838

person thinks that I'm terrible.

839

Right.

840

And

841

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

842

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

me laugh every time.

843

Um, but their comments,

like, it'll be one comment.

844

It'll say, I, I show too many videos,

and the very next comment will be

845

Love the videos play more of them.

846

You know, like it goes back and

847

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

848

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Um, but

one person, the one that made me

849

laugh was from women's studies.

850

They said that, um, they wished I had

given them more time on their paper.

851

It was due on the last day of

classes, and they got, it was

852

open the first day of classes,

853

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Right.

854

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

they literally had the entire

855

semester to work on this paper.

856

I talked about several times, know?

857

Yeah.

858

They wanted me to just make

more time up and nobody wants

859

more time in the semester.

860

Nobody wants that,

861

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Exactly.

862

You wish the semester was longer?

863

Okay,

864

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

865

Like how could I have possibly, and

I even gave them a two day extension

866

because usually I have everything

867

Because it's just uniform.

868

It makes it easy for weeks.

869

So their final paper I usually

make due on Wednesday, just to

870

give them a couple of extra days,

um, instead of the Sunday before.

871

And this time I gave them

two more days till Friday.

872

So I even gave them an extension.

873

They had five days more

than I usually give them.

874

And it still wasn't enough, like,

and one person said they, they were

875

upset that the, the class aligned

so much with the Democratic party.

876

When I start the class, the, one

of the things I say is, number

877

one, you don't have to agree with

anything that I say all semester.

878

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: oh.

879

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

two, you can be a conservative.

880

And number three, I tell you upfront that

there's a liberal bias to all of this.

881

That's just the fabric

of the, the material.

882

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

And there's, they're babies.

883

They don't know.

884

It, it, it is not women's studies fault

that the Democratic Party is the one that

885

took up their causes as platforms, right?

886

Like, I know that you're, you're

a little, you know, mushy,

887

pre frontal, not fully formed.

888

Brain is gonna struggle with this.

889

But things came before you and they

didn't come in any particular order and

890

they're not aligned for your convenience.

891

They kill me with that

shit of like 60 years ago.

892

This would've been the Republican party.

893

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: And then you

get them that she's a wonderful professor.

894

Don't change a thing.

895

And then you've got change everything.

896

Burn it down.

897

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

I have to be honest.

898

I stopped reading my evals, um,

not very long into teaching.

899

I just didn't fucking care.

900

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

I can't help it.

901

I wanna see what they say.

902

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Well, and

you should read them because, you know,

903

they take the time to fill them out.

904

They're trying to tell you about yourself.

905

They're trying to, to give you, I

guess, insight to, to become a better

906

professor and to continue to improve.

907

But what I was teaching was writing, I,

I was teaching writing at the, at a time

908

when we had stopped really teaching it.

909

Uh.

910

in high school.

911

So they were coming to me not knowing

a goddamn thing about writing.

912

And I had this herculean task of

taking of, of 16 weeks, taking

913

them from not knowing what a five

paragraph essay and a thesis statement

914

was into somebody who could write,

uh, a research paper for biology

915

without me there to hold their hand.

916

And I knew that it didn't matter

what the fuck they had to say about

917

my teaching because they didn't

know what they were talking about.

918

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Right.

919

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: So I stopped

reading them because after you can only,

920

you can only like, just sit there and

get played in your face for so long.

921

And I was like, y'all are angry at me.

922

I mean, I just can't let y'all take

this out on me, um, to this degree.

923

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: I held

firm and gave a girl a zero on

924

her paper because she used ai.

925

It was so obvious that she had used ai.

926

Like if you play around with chat

GPT at all, you realize there's

927

a format to the way that it

928

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Oh, absolutely.

929

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Yeah.

930

And it, you know, it

bodes random words and,

931

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Italicize.

932

Um,

933

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

things and lists and like lists.

934

It loves of

935

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750:

rhetorical questions, the,

936

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: yeah.

937

And this girl, so I gave her

a zero and she wrote me back.

938

She was like, I only

used Grammarly for this.

939

And I was like, bullshit.

940

You have like graduate level headings

in this thing and you know, it Teach me

941

if you could write this, well, teach me.

942

'cause I, I can't write this.

943

Well, you know.

944

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: yeah.

945

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: um, she finally

caved in and, um, I gave her a zero on it.

946

And then she took the, so the,

my boss has told me that I cannot

947

do online exams, something to do

with the amount of contact hours.

948

And we have to have as many contact

hours as possible where we went

949

to 15 week semesters, right?

950

So, okay.

951

Whatever they tell me to do,

that's what I'm gonna do.

952

Um, but I can still do them online.

953

I don't have to do them in paper.

954

We just have to take the

online exam in person, right?

955

So I, you know, we have our

assigned exam schedule and I have

956

people that have accommodation,

so they take it at a different

957

time over in the learning center.

958

And so I had the exam open and this same

girl, not in class, just took the exam.

959

At a different time, not

when the scheduled exam was.

960

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

961

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: could have

cheated, she could have had anything open.

962

She could have had her notes open,

she could have done anything.

963

And she finished the exam in 19 minutes.

964

Everybody else was taking like 45 minutes

965

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Mm-hmm.

966

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

can look at the log

967

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

968

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: shows

where they go off, off, um, the page.

969

Right.

970

And so I took 20% off of

her grade for doing that.

971

Um, and, and she ended up with

a c, which was me rounding up.

972

So I really gave that girl some grace.

973

But how do you mess up that bad

twice at, at the end of the semester?

974

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: I, well,

they don't have a lot of information

975

literacy, so they really don't know

that every, they're, they're practically

976

keystroke like down to whether you, what

tabs you open, if you click on or off

977

of a screen, we know what you're doing.

978

Um, proctoring, if an, if an

essay is proctored, it literally,

979

it shows us what you Googled.

980

There's, there was this one, um, I saw

a TikTok of someone, uh, sh sharing the,

981

the proctor screen of a student that

had Googled, how do I take this test?

982

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: Wow.

983

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Multiple

times they tried to rephrase it.

984

How do I take this Open

notes test without notes?

985

What do I do if I don't have

notes for the open note test?

986

Like, I mean, that's it.

987

You're doing it right now and that's

pretty much all you can do is frantically

988

Google and, and maybe have a moment

where you think, do I have anybody

989

but myself to blame for this shit?

990

Did perhaps my only ally in this, I

wish they knew we were their allies.

991

Was there a moment where a, a trusted

authority figure stood in front of me

992

and painstakingly explained what was

gonna be asked of me for the rest of

993

this next 15 weeks of my life point

by point and how to be successful.

994

I don't know if we're ever gonna reach

a point where they see us that way.

995

I don't know.

996

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750:

I think some of them do.

997

dash_17_12-20-2025_113750: Yeah.

998

Yeah.

999

beck_17_12-20-2025_123750: being

back on main campus teaching is, is

00:44:27,559 --> 00:44:30,799

really refreshing compared to being

on the other program that I was

00:44:30,814 --> 00:44:34,819

I, I was actually thinking about not

00:44:34,819 --> 00:44:39,229

that exactly, but I worked with, uh,

a lot of programs, like pre-college

00:44:39,229 --> 00:44:45,589

programs, dual enrollment or um, like

bridge programs for first generation

00:44:45,589 --> 00:44:49,669

college students or students living

in poverty in eastern Kentucky.

00:44:50,179 --> 00:44:54,529

And you're fighting multiple battles

with them because you're trying to either

00:44:54,529 --> 00:45:00,778

get or keep them interested in higher

education, which means trying to help them

00:45:01,498 --> 00:45:06,748

feel, you know, like they belong while

at the same time challenging their entire

00:45:06,748 --> 00:45:09,988

worldview, you know, at regular intervals.

00:45:11,113 --> 00:45:12,913

competing with their real lives and

00:45:12,913 --> 00:45:16,213

their jobs and their relationships

and, and all of those things too.

00:45:16,378 --> 00:45:16,648

00:45:16,648 --> 00:45:17,243

Yeah, like.

00:45:18,613 --> 00:45:22,453

Um, you know, the, the specific

messaging that they're getting from

00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:26,194

their environment, is gonna be,

you're asking them to take that with

00:45:26,194 --> 00:45:29,014

a grain of salt and give me a chance.

00:45:29,014 --> 00:45:32,044

But you see me once a, a

week or something, like,

00:45:32,254 --> 00:45:32,704

00:45:33,064 --> 00:45:36,244

17, 18-year-old to be able to do that.

00:45:36,244 --> 00:45:38,619

Like, I'm fully aware of the fact

that I wasn't able to do that.

00:45:39,375 --> 00:45:39,585

00:45:39,585 --> 00:45:42,555

I was not prepared for college the

first time I went at all, like the

00:45:42,555 --> 00:45:44,175

social requirements and all that stuff.

00:45:44,355 --> 00:45:48,855

I went five semesters and passed like

three classes and got kicked outta school.

00:45:49,185 --> 00:45:51,435

I, this is another thought I had.

00:45:51,435 --> 00:45:52,935

Um, I think just this morning.

00:45:53,475 --> 00:45:55,742

Do you think that you would

have, chosen a certain.

00:45:56,627 --> 00:46:01,787

Major, like I, I really feel like I

would've done something more lucrative,

00:46:02,117 --> 00:46:05,357

but I don't know for sure it's 'cause

obviously we can't actually go back

00:46:05,357 --> 00:46:06,617

and ask ourselves that question.

00:46:07,127 --> 00:46:11,537

But I didn't, I felt paralyzed by

having to choose a major at all.

00:46:11,927 --> 00:46:13,757

'cause they were all

things I'd never heard of.

00:46:13,757 --> 00:46:16,667

They were all things I'd never been

asked to even picture myself as

00:46:16,667 --> 00:46:19,247

having the ability to do before.

00:46:19,907 --> 00:46:23,721

Have you since reflected on what

you might have chosen if you had

00:46:23,721 --> 00:46:27,381

had some preexisting knowledge

on what to choose for a major?

00:46:27,816 --> 00:46:28,446

00:46:28,506 --> 00:46:29,826

Um, I've thought about that a lot.

00:46:29,826 --> 00:46:32,346

I probably would've gone into

psychology or something like that.

00:46:32,706 --> 00:46:36,786

something where you have a, a real

future because the, the path that

00:46:36,786 --> 00:46:40,836

we've taken, like it's, it's kind of

a pyramid scheme, you know, you learn

00:46:40,836 --> 00:46:42,726

it to, to teach it to other people.

00:46:43,026 --> 00:46:45,876

And what can I do outside of

being a professor, you know?

00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:48,441

there's not a lot of roads open.

00:46:48,441 --> 00:46:51,771

Like there are some things you

can do librarianship and um,

00:46:51,831 --> 00:46:53,241

some, some other things like that.

00:46:53,241 --> 00:46:57,141

But a lot of people are looking

for cultural scholars to hire.

00:46:57,420 --> 00:46:58,718

00:46:58,928 --> 00:47:01,658

cousin is a way high up in a really

00:47:01,718 --> 00:47:05,978

big financial corporation, and he

was gonna help me get a job before

00:47:06,218 --> 00:47:07,688

I got hired on to be a professor.

00:47:08,078 --> 00:47:11,798

Um, and I sent him my resume and he sent

it to hr and they were like, we just don't

00:47:11,798 --> 00:47:13,598

have anything that fits her education.

00:47:13,958 --> 00:47:17,258

Like, so I had like somebody handpicking

me saying, giving this person a job and

00:47:17,258 --> 00:47:18,638

they couldn't match me up with something.

00:47:18,733 --> 00:47:18,953

00:47:19,183 --> 00:47:21,806

not, love my job, is what I'm saying.

00:47:22,059 --> 00:47:22,449

00:47:22,449 --> 00:47:26,027

And, and we're, you know, it sucks when

you have moments where you're like, I

00:47:26,027 --> 00:47:28,517

don't know what's, what's coming next?

00:47:28,907 --> 00:47:32,597

Like, especially, I mean, for

me right now, like, assuming the

00:47:32,597 --> 00:47:36,947

motherfucker keeps kicking along,

we've got three more years of.

00:47:38,582 --> 00:47:41,012

This, whatever at best.

00:47:41,012 --> 00:47:44,188

You know, I really feel like he's

gonna die before that's over.

00:47:44,188 --> 00:47:44,578

But

00:47:44,623 --> 00:47:45,138

00:47:45,138 --> 00:47:47,818

mean, I think, He, he deserves worse

00:47:47,818 --> 00:47:51,958

than what he's gonna get, but that

doesn't do anything to the damage.

00:47:51,988 --> 00:47:58,348

And what, what is gonna continue to happen

to attacks on DEI and higher education?

00:47:58,561 --> 00:48:01,875

it's already to the point that I

can't even talk about what I do, no

00:48:01,875 --> 00:48:03,345

wonder my body's falling apart.

00:48:04,995 --> 00:48:06,195

But I don't know.

00:48:06,315 --> 00:48:07,185

We've done enough bitching.

00:48:07,245 --> 00:48:08,745

Maybe let's hear from this week's sponsor.

00:48:10,094 --> 00:48:12,344

because I've been cold this week.

00:48:12,704 --> 00:48:16,814

It's been, uh, negative two degrees

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00:50:02,472 --> 00:50:04,399

And if you weren't warned,

you weren't listening.

00:50:05,895 --> 00:50:07,005

That's something we ever act.

00:50:07,035 --> 00:50:10,725

We never actually did have in the,

'cause we lived in the trailers, but a

00:50:10,725 --> 00:50:14,295

lot of the houses we hung out in had,

um, either Woodburn in or coal stove.

00:50:14,355 --> 00:50:18,732

Well, you could burn

anything in a potbelly stove.

00:50:19,032 --> 00:50:22,727

grandparents had, um, a big fireplace

00:50:22,727 --> 00:50:26,357

in the middle of their living room with

those same implements and the same idea,

00:50:26,357 --> 00:50:28,187

but they just turned it into a fireplace.

00:50:28,747 --> 00:50:29,767

it was always my favorite room.

00:50:30,487 --> 00:50:35,497

a, a more like housey arrangement, you

00:50:35,497 --> 00:50:40,597

know, like brick walls and a chimney and

stuff to be able to, to go full fireplace.

00:50:40,597 --> 00:50:43,527

The pop village stove was kind

of a godsend for those, um,

00:50:43,557 --> 00:50:47,127

clapboard or linoleum houses that

people had in the coal country.

00:50:47,361 --> 00:50:51,361

I think there used to, well I know

there used to be a, a chimney in

00:50:51,361 --> 00:50:55,291

this house I have here, 'cause it's

boarded, it's a, it's not boarded up,

00:50:55,291 --> 00:50:57,151

it's closed up, down in the basement.

00:50:57,421 --> 00:51:00,341

But I don't know where the, the fireplace

would've been or if there was one.

00:51:01,256 --> 00:51:01,496

00:51:01,771 --> 00:51:02,641

Probably down there.

00:51:08,350 --> 00:51:11,560

I loved the smell of burning, um, wood.

00:51:12,035 --> 00:51:12,760

00:51:13,544 --> 00:51:15,074

Just glorious smell.

00:51:15,644 --> 00:51:16,269

00:51:16,996 --> 00:51:18,046

Mom always bought these.

00:51:18,046 --> 00:51:22,336

Um, it was some kind of sprinkle, it was

some kind of chemical in a, in a cardboard

00:51:22,336 --> 00:51:25,126

tube that would cause colors in the fire.

00:51:25,606 --> 00:51:26,716

She always had those.

00:51:26,716 --> 00:51:27,766

I loved those things.

00:51:28,121 --> 00:51:29,986

I think those were just metals,

00:51:29,986 --> 00:51:31,546

like phosphorus and stuff.

00:51:31,666 --> 00:51:32,086

00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:37,830

would burn, uh, like pop cans or garbage

00:51:37,860 --> 00:51:41,370

and certain, uh, dyes or, or paints.

00:51:41,490 --> 00:51:44,070

Certain things would burn wild colors.

00:51:44,418 --> 00:51:45,498

that's one thing I do miss.

00:51:45,498 --> 00:51:47,328

And someday I'll have my own fireplace.

00:51:47,778 --> 00:51:52,038

So, we had one when we moved back

to mom's, but I don't know the

00:51:52,038 --> 00:51:54,768

last time it had been cleaned,

so we didn't use it even once.

00:51:56,286 --> 00:51:57,846

Somebody in that trailer I had

00:51:57,846 --> 00:52:03,771

down in Kentucky, somebody had

retrofitted a propane furnace on it.

00:52:04,581 --> 00:52:05,541

which was kind of nice.

00:52:05,541 --> 00:52:08,751

It was, it was nice to run that

sometimes, but it didn't heat very well.

00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:10,769

Like it, I was like, this is, is

00:52:11,399 --> 00:52:12,509

in a stupid location.

00:52:12,539 --> 00:52:13,079

It's this

00:52:13,229 --> 00:52:14,249

what bombs was too.

00:52:14,729 --> 00:52:15,509

kind of decorative

00:52:16,049 --> 00:52:16,409

00:52:16,409 --> 00:52:21,959

And the, the thing, the, the company that

did the gas, the propane, um, if your

00:52:21,959 --> 00:52:25,739

name was not on the deed for the property,

they wouldn't give you credit, which

00:52:25,739 --> 00:52:27,179

is the craziest thing I've ever heard.

00:52:27,179 --> 00:52:30,719

And so my name was not on the

deed yet, so I had to pay upfront.

00:52:30,959 --> 00:52:33,089

So every time you got gas it was like 600

00:52:33,464 --> 00:52:33,899

00:52:34,379 --> 00:52:34,799

00:52:34,799 --> 00:52:35,609

It was crazy.

00:52:36,329 --> 00:52:38,369

And then we ran out in

the middle of a cold snap.

00:52:38,399 --> 00:52:39,419

Oh, that sucked.

00:52:40,319 --> 00:52:41,699

get gas for like three days.

00:52:42,089 --> 00:52:42,689

00:52:43,169 --> 00:52:43,529

00:52:43,834 --> 00:52:44,054

Do

00:52:44,609 --> 00:52:44,819

00:52:44,819 --> 00:52:48,989

This house I've got here

is propane heated, and, um,

00:52:49,276 --> 00:52:50,086

Do you have a big tank,

00:52:50,431 --> 00:52:51,691

Gigantic tank count back.

00:52:51,691 --> 00:52:53,941

It's a thousand, uh, gallons.

00:52:54,333 --> 00:53:00,543

and I mean, I think, well, I know it

currently it's running a dollar 69 a

00:53:00,543 --> 00:53:03,903

gallon, so to fill that thing up, it's,

00:53:04,458 --> 00:53:05,118

00:53:05,253 --> 00:53:05,583

00:53:06,070 --> 00:53:06,760

So,

00:53:06,835 --> 00:53:08,125

you got the delivery fees and

00:53:08,125 --> 00:53:09,025

all that kind of stuff to go

00:53:09,070 --> 00:53:09,430

00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:14,301

So I'm thankful for the high

efficiency furnace, but and I

00:53:14,301 --> 00:53:17,541

don't know, maybe it all equals

out, but two grand a year versus.

00:53:18,591 --> 00:53:23,241

It like the, the HVAC system I

had on that trailer because, and

00:53:23,241 --> 00:53:24,771

heating a trailer is so inefficient.

00:53:25,491 --> 00:53:31,701

It was 200 something dollars a month to,

to, for the electric to heat the house.