OUR HOSTS: 

Corinne Foxx - @corinnefoxx

Natalie McMillan - @nataliemcm and @shopnataliemcmillan 

What we're drinking: Trader Joe's Sparkling Green Tea with Pineapple 

TOPIC: 

Entanglements, hook ups, situationships...the list goes on for the types of non-relationship-relationships that so many of us find ourselves in. In this episode, we break down what a situationship is, ways to navigate defining your relationship, and how to know when to take it to the next level or just move on. The space between a friendship and committed relationship has become so much less defined in the past decade, so listen in to hear tips for how to get what you want out of your love life. 

In this episode, we discuss:

• Current attitudes and trends around dating and sex 
• How a situationship is different from a booty call or friends with benefits 
• The good, the bad, and the ugly of situationships 
• Strategies to set the mood for vulnerable and sensitive conversations
• Five signs that it’s time to move on 
• Learning how to let go when things are out of alignment 

RESOURCES: 

Episode 84 - How To Get Over Someone

Episode 69 - How To Build Healthier Relationships 

END OF THE SHOW: 

Corinne and Natalie introduce Hottie of the Week: Justin Long 

DRINK RATING:

Trader Joe's Sparkling Green Tea with Pineapple  = 2 / Justin

WRAP UP:

To wrap up the episode, Corinne and Natalie play Snacks, Facts, and Hacks: Trader Joe’s Edition! They try the new Thanksgiving Stuffing Seasoned Kettle Chips and Cinnamon Bun Kettle Corn. Corinne shares some facts about the bell system at the cash registers and Natalie explains why the parking situation is always such a mess at TJ’s. 

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Don't forget to rate and review the podcast! It really helps us grow!

Hey welcome back to another episode of am I doing this right? I'm Corinne Foxx.

And I'm Natalie McMillan

and we are best friends confidants millennials and the hosts of am I doing this right? A life how to podcast from the perspective of non experts.

And each week we cover a new topic and we drink a new beverage

new beverage and this week you guys, we are getting spicy. We are getting we are getting into the thick of it. Because we are talking situation ship to relationship. How to DTR define the relationship. We're going to talk about what is the situation, Jeff? Okay, if you're sitting there like what are you talking about? We'll explain it to you.

You've probably been in one

you've definitely been How to know if you are currently in one. And how to navigate either moving forward with this relationship situation, ship whatever. Or maybe it's time to let it go.

Yeah.

Which I feel like we definitely have a lot of friends who have been in situation ships I've been in this situation.

I feel like everyone is at some point is that risk in a situation is at risk of especially I wonder when this became like a trend? I won't let it go.

I feel like the term was coined in the last like two years. But was it Jada Pinkett Smith? Who did situation chip?

I don't know. Oh,

she's entanglement entanglement. Entanglement are also very similar to situate up a situation ship. Yeah,

but I bet that situation ships became a thing when people started texting. Because like, you can really situation ship, ship. situation, ship it up on text. If you're not if you didn't have the ability to what are you going to do write each other letters all the time and just prolong things?

Yeah. I wonder how it started. I think also just when casual dating became a thing, and then you never really knew where you stood. And we'll get into it. Yeah, we'll get into. But at the end of the episode, you guys stay tuned because we are playing snacks, facts and hacks. And I've had a fact that I wanted to share for so long.

Oh my god

that I've had written on my phone, and I'm very excited about it.

Oh my god, I'm so excited. And she's very convinced me of the exact same snack.

Oh, no, I'm very convinced. I watched the aisles of Frederick Trader Joe's and was like, Natalie grabbed this one.

I wonder it's what we're gonna find out.

We're gonna buy now find out and remember you guys. You can always write into the show with episode requests at am I doing this right? pod@gmail.com Or you can DM us at am I doing this right pod? And actually, somebody did write into us.

They did an ad like, hey, they were like I love that you're doing your drinks. And she wrote her name was Christina.

Christina.

She said can you guys get the sparkling green tea with pineapple from Trader Joe's? So I went and looked couldn't find it. But then what happened? Corinne found

I found it. So here we are, Christina. I'm very excited. I have not had any caffeine today. So really hadn't had coffee. No, I feel like I'm not a human. I feel like I'm floating. I feel not. Okay. How are you with your caffeine? Two cups today? Oh, so you're like full? Full lay on it? Well, okay, I had one cup in the morning. And then I had another I had like a, I'm gonna say it was a quarter of a cup. What? How are you making it? Oh, I like it when it doesn't even taste like coffee. So I do. I just do pour over. And then I put in the Chobani vanilla creamer? Like a ton of it. And then a little splash of a Torani syrup. I don't know what Tirana is. It's just like, what they use it like one pump of whatever. And then I just that's just how I drink it hot. Mild like lukewarm. Okay, I don't like it super super hot. Okay, but I also don't like it cold. So I will like it's not iced. So either iced or or medium. Yeah, it's either iced or drinking it not ice, right? Yeah, no, I'm not a big ice person. Like if I get an iced chai I always say like, light. Light Eye on ice. Wow. Was it down? Before we started this podcast? Neither of us drink coffee. And then I started drinking it. Oh, yeah. And now you drink it. I know. It. Mine was a really rapid. Yours was 02 I like dabbled in chai and then I dabbled in that. Then only on the weekends. And now it's every single day every single day. It's like a ritual though. I love it. I look forward to it. I like the taste of it. Yeah. Well, I was getting because you know, I was a big tea drinker. I've always had tea in the morning. And then I was sort of like, bored of it. And then I was drinking Celsius is and I was like, I don't want this. Yeah. And I have a heart attack. Yeah. So then I've been doing the coffee. And I've been doing okay with that I haven't been having like good nerves now not too bad. Well, I hope you've never experienced what I'm feeling which is withdrawals. It's gotta be brutal. Okay, so let's take a sip of the sparkling green tea with pineapple juice from Trader Joe's. Thank you, Christina. You know, it's it says it's pleasingly pineapple Lee. Oh, all right. We'll get into this at the end. We're gonna rate it at the end. But now I feel like we should get into situation ships. Let's do it. Because we've all been there. Yes. The dreaded situation ship. Yes. Like, it seems pretty good at first, but then at some point, you're bound to catch feelings. And then you might want something more than they have to offer. And then you're in this weird back and forth. Or maybe you both are wanting something more, but don't know how to go about having that conversation to take things to the next step. So we've we've laid it all out here. Yes. And we've gone through all the different situations of the situations. What was funny is when I was Joe and I were talking because me and Joe came up with this idea. We were talking about dating or whatever. And I was accepting them that you situation Schepis there was a situation ship ago, Joe, you were a situation ship. Until we were a relationship was a long one. Yeah, we were in an entanglement for it was just that pursuit of dating, and then like, what are we doing? And then are we together? Not really, until it like came down? And Joe was like, Are you my girlfriend? You say like, I need one day. I was like, Oh, let me get back to but you know, considering becoming your girlfriend, and then I got back to him at night. And we've been together ever since. But I was like, Joe, you were a situation ship for sure. Were you a situation ship for him? Yes. I think he was completely no idea where we started if we were together if we weren't, I think we'll get into it. But I think situation ships is just like, there's no definition. Right? GTRs we're just floating in space. Yeah, nobody knows nobody. Yeah, we're like celebrating birthdays together. But we're not in a relationship but you're not but it's like in your parents, like don't really know about this person. But like, but they do. And it's it's weird. It's weird. It's a weird thing. So let's get into some facts. Okay, the facts. So according to, we always got to start off with the Pew Research Center, and a profile on single Americans a small share of those who are not currently married living with a partner or in a committed relationship, which is 13% reported that they are casually dating someone. So these singles are keeping their options open. 52% say they are open to either a committed romantic relationship or casual dates, while only 5% say they are not looking for relationship or dates right now. And the remaining share is split between those who are looking only for a relationship 24% Or only casual dates 19%. Also, research has shown that Gen Z. We didn't do an episode on Gen Z. I just need to know what are they what are they thinking? What are they doing? What are their what are their demographics? Well, I was listening to somebody talk about it from an astrological perspective. Oh, wow. And how like, I guess millennials because of Pluto or something we were supposed to come here and point out to everybody like all this is so fucked. And then Gen Z supposed to dismantle it? Well, I would love that. I love to pass the baton in that way. I think that's what I think that's what's happening. Well, Gen Z's attitudes toward dating and sex have evolved from the generations before them. They take an especially pragmatic approach to love and sex and subsequently aren't prioritizing establishing committed romantic relationships the same way their older peers once did. So they're in a lot of situation ships. Gen Z, you got situation chips on situation. Yeah, actually, according to a study of 2000 people who've claimed to have found the quote unquote one, if you believe in that, it found that women also kiss 15 men have two long term relationships, find heartbreak twice. Go on seven dates, plus two blind dates and two days with someone from the internet that's got to have changed by now from the internet for disaster dates. Send us your disaster date stories. Oh my god, I would love to hear that be stood up once. Number one I got set up on FaceTime is fun. Have one live in relationship have for one night stands and seven sexual partners. But for men statistics a little different. The average guy has 10 sexual partners six one night stands and get stood up twice and kissed 16 women before finding quote unquote, the one

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again a lot of situation ship before we before we can figure it out You know what I mean? You've gotta kiss some frogs. You've got to just be out in the streets until the one sticks, right? Another interesting fact is that nearly half a 47% of all Americans say dating is harder today than it was 10 years ago, and surprising very unsurprising. But let's get into what is a situational ship? Well, according to NBC News, less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situation ship refers to a romantic relationship that is and remains undefined. A situation ship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship explained psychotherapist and author, Jonathan Alpert. And he says that unlike a friends with benefits or relationship, there isn't a consensus on what it is again, it's the mystery. Yeah. What the fuck is going on. And I thought I found this definition from Urban Dictionary, which I just felt like really sums things up. Urban Dictionary says a situation chip is when one or two motherfuckers take part in a relationship, but out of fear of making things serious or messy, do not label it, leading to said relationship, ironically, becoming more serious and messier. I couldn't have said it better myself Urban Dictionary. Oh my god. So if you're listening to this, and you're like, Okay, wait, this may be me, I might be the problem. It's me. Hi, I'm fine with me, what are some signs you're in a situation ship? Well, number one, this is probably going to get about 90% of you hang out, quote unquote, hang out, instead of go on real dates. There isn't much consistency with this person's actions. Like one day, they make you feel real special and important. And then the next day, they completely ghost you only target return again, a couple days later, you know, rinse, repeat, they often cancel plans, your partner or both of you are dating other people. You don't feel a super deep connection. And this one's tough because a lot of people get blinded by infatuation. But if you've been with this person, whatever that means, for a few weeks, and don't even know that they've got siblings or something, the connection is probably very superficial. Another telltale is you have not met each other's friends. And you just never move forward. And there's no discussion of the future. Or if you try to have when they actively shut it down. Yeah, there are some benefits, though, to a situation ship, there are some benefits to a situation ship. It's not all bad. I mean, situation ships can be convenient for certain chapters in people's lives. Individuals may not be capable of a committed relationship at the time. And this could be because you know, you're moving soon or on the mend after a difficult breakup, or you know, like countless other reasons, while you're maybe you're emotionally unavailable. Yeah. Also a situation ship can be an opportunity for self growth. Individuals may be trying to explore dating and relationships generally and want to learn about how to interact romantically. So it could just be like a little learning opportunity for you. Also, a benefit of a situation ship is it allows for intimacy without commitment, the urge to feel close to and experience intimacy with others is a very human need. And in some instances, it is much healthier for both parties to satisfy that need, without feeling like they have to make commitments that aren't aligned with their needs or wants. Mm hmm. So it could be a benefit for you. And also, if you're listening to this, and you're in a situation ship, and you feel totally fine with it. Yeah, this isn't to say that, like, they're always bad. No, but they can't because also at some point, this might just be a situation ship that's about to become a relationship. Right? You never know exactly. But, I mean, the truth is, there are some downfalls to situations. Yeah, I think just that fact that everything feels so ambiguous. They can be so frustrating because there's this ambiguity around what the norms are for the relationship. Therefore, individuals are unable to determine the level of interest or desires of a prospective partner at times. Another downfall is that relationships that are not committed may create a great deal of anxiety and uncertainty for those in them. Yeah, especially I bet if you've got like an anxious, anxious attachment style. I mean, that's just gonna throw you for a loop. Because it's so uncertain. Do they love me? Do they not do they hate me? Right? They're gonna leave me because you Don't get consistent and stable support, which is another downfall. And more often than not, there are also inconsistent views between the individuals in a situation ship, both in terms of the relationship and of the other person. This may lead to a great deal of conflict, resentment and anxiety for both individuals, but primarily for the individual who is not pleased that the situation ship has not progressed. Yeah, there's a lot of that push and pull and like, hey, I want things to go. No, I'm not into it. And like, that can lead to a lot of frustration, which, honestly, is probably what ended up getting me and Joe to go to the next level. The show was like, I don't I'd like to define, right? I was like, oh, okay, we're not just having fun here. He's like, No, he's like, eight months later. No, he's like we we needed to find. I feel like it's usually newer, but I feel like normally the girl yes, the girls are like, sir, what are you doing? Yeah, because a lot of these men they just will not come in. But what should the girls do? If they do want the situation to progress? Well, you need to follow Joe's lead. Yeah. So if you're feeling ready to take the situation ship to the next level, you can start by transitioning out of casual hookups to a more traditional style of dating, and that includes introducing your partner to your friends, allowing them to enter your world. And you don't have to tell like your friends that this person is your partner, you can just allow them to see who you are outside of your situation chip and what you do and your loved ones, you start to build that connection. You can also ditch the casual meetups for a more intimate dating experience. And you can try coffee dinner or lunch dates and start having deeper conversations. That being said, it's probably time to start opening up about your feelings and where you see the relationship going. And off that we kind of have to dig deeper. The big DTR Yeah, the big DTR define the relationship talk. This is a big talk and will probably need to be thought out and planned ahead of time. You should first consider the time and the place for having that conversation. The same way we set the mood for romance, we also need to set the mood for vulnerable and sensitive conversations. And that's according to Geneva, Vesely. Vesely. Oh, like Weasley, who is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and she says, make sure to introduce the conversation in a calm and relaxed environment, not when things are tense or on the heels of an argument. Actually, Joe and I were on a walk. I think having tough conversations on a walk is a great, not that it was a tough conversation. But he was like presenting something to me. We were outside in fresh air. And he was like, Oh, so this was in person. Yeah, this was in person. I don't know why I thought you. I thought this was on FaceTime. Oh, no, this was a person. He came over in person. We went on a walk. He was like, I want you with my girlfriend. I was like, wow, okay, let me think on this. Me think about these things. I would have been too strong to speak. I would have just been like, Oh, but I wasn't good on him. That's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, brave. He's very good with Communication Always has been. Yes. So once you initiate the conversation, remember to be honest with your partner. If you're having the DTR talk in the first place, you might as well actually say what you want. If what you really want is a casual relationship. Don't say yes to going steady. That's my mom always used to going steady. I'm like, Mom, I don't know if that's what my Yeah, they're like, that's what my mom said. She said, What is going out? Are you going steady? I'm like, What does that even mean? Anyways. And if you're really wanting more, don't back away from your true feelings. It might seem like you're protecting yourself from embarrassment or losing the relationship. But unless you're upfront with what you want, there are likely to be hurt feelings in the long run. You're also going to want to make sure to include your partner in the conversation. One way to center the conversation is by using I statements as a way to frame what you want clearly. For example, saying I want to be in an exclusive relationship with you is a clear and simple way to tell your partner what you're looking for. By using I statements you're sharing what you think, and in turn your significant other to share I statements of their own. It's also really good to ask open ended questions like how do you feel about spending more time together instead of Do you want to hang out more? This allows them space to answer rather than forcing them into a yes or no answer. Yes. How conversation about it? Yeah, start talking you guys.

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Yeah. And from that conversation, you should get clarity about or your partner sees this at you relationship going. And if there's a future in sight, if you're aligned, then that's wonderful. And you can start to build a deeper, more committed relationship with one another. But if you're not aligned, that's a sign, it's time to move on, you gotta move on. So how do we do it? How do we move on from a situation I'll share? Well, situation ships almost always have an expiration date, right, you're either going to have a relationship, or it's gonna, it's gonna go out, it's gonna have to die right in the in the fridge. So that being said, I can still be hard to know when to say when, especially if you've developed feelings for the other person, because despite the fact that you're not like, official, your feelings are still very real, but with strong feelings often comes confusion. So what are some signs that maybe it is time to move on from this current law situation? Yeah, so here are five clear cut signs that it is time to move on from this ship, the ship has left the dock is sailing, okay. Number one, they told you early on, they weren't looking for anything serious. And maybe you weren't either. But now you're in this position where you have feelings, and then they don't reciprocate the same level of interest or energy. I will say, this happens a lot. This happens a lot. And like, I love my girls, and I love our friends. But I've seen this happen time and time again, where the person clearly says, and it's not easy to hear, right? Like, I'm not looking for anything serious. And then they're like, me neither. And then they're like, I want to date this person. Why don't they want to date me? And we're like, well, they told you, yeah, the base habit straight out. I know. But then I think that, well, I shouldn't say just women, maybe men do this too, but I just haven't met any where it's like, you get this thing where you're like, I'm gonna prove to you that you right, like, I'm gonna be the exception, and I'm gonna change your mind. Right? And he's not gonna, you're not going to let me just tell you right now, you're not going to embarrass yourself. Okay, you speaking from experience, second clear cut sign that you are sailing out of here. They won't introduce you to their friends. If you've been hanging out, although again, we said that was a red flag for a while. And this person keeps you completely separate from their friend group. They don't see you as someone they're gonna hang around long term, and you're wasting your time. And also, do they have a girlfriend? That I just Yeah, a little suspicious of you're not like meeting friends seeing friends. Even just like a roommate walk by or anything? Like it's real late at night, they are meeting up? Do they have a girlfriend? Well, the other hard thing was situation chips via, like hinge or whatever online is that they all start out as like texting things. So you don't know if they? You don't know, you know? Okay, third, sign your feelings for them stop you from pursuing other people. A tough one. Another tough one. Even though you haven't defined the relationship and are free to date other people, you haven't even considered seeing anyone else because you feel an emotional attachment to the situation yet. The thought of even swiping on hinge makes you feel disloyal. You fell for them. And now you don't want to risk screwing it up by going out with someone new. Here's the thing, though. You can't screw up what was never gonna be. It's not fair to yourself to stay wrapped up in someone who won't even call you their partner. And if you're single, you're allowed to act like it since that is exactly what they are doing to. I will say just give advice to someone who is dating somebody long distance. They're not defined. They're not a boyfriend or girlfriend situation. But then also she wanted to deal with somebody out here. And she felt really guilty. She's like, Oh my God, I feel bad. One guy sent me flowers. And I was on a date with another one. I said, Girl, have you got your boyfriend? You can do whatever you want. Also, if you think these men are not out here in the streets, you're either a wall. Yeah, so I'm like, I was like, I feel like women feel this sense of loyalty. In dating early on that like is not earned if unless, say DTR. Do what you want. Yeah. And I also wonder if there's like a level of like societal, I don't know. Well, I feel like sometimes because the dating scene feels so bleak. That it's like you get into a situation ship that's like, just a shred of decency. And you're like, I gotta hang on to this right. That's fair, you know? So this is all very tough. You know, we're saying these are clear cut signs, but we recognize that if you're in any of these, you're like, it's like damn, yeah. Okay, here's another sign. It's been Three or more months, three months is more than enough time to know if you want to commit to someone else, you have an idea of who each other is at that point. And if they still don't know what they want, or what they're looking for, it's in your best interest to walk away. Indecision is a decision. You're basically just getting strung along. If you continue with that person, I'll never forget it. In high school, not in high school and college, my college roommate told me if he doesn't know if he loves you, in three months, then ditch him. And I felt like that was intense. But she said something about this three month, like, in three months, not maybe if you love them, but like, you kind of know. Gonna, reviving you're not gonna keep hanging out with someone for a year, right? Unless they end well, because they're spending, they're just stringing them along. And finally, you feel anxious about your situation, when you're not with the person. When you're together. Things are amazing, and they're fun. But when you're apart, you constantly overthink every single interaction, every text call and hang out, they live rent free, in your little noggin, okay? And it's not healthy for you to live that way. Someone worth your time will not bring you more calamity, they will feel safe and calm, and you will know where you stand. And if you don't, they'll be willing and open to have discussions around it. Point blank period, point blank period. Speaking of discussions, so maybe you are experiencing some of these signs, but want some clarity and want to have the DTR conversation anyways. First of all, ask yourself, if you are settling in situation ships, a lot of the confusion comes from the fact that the other person might not want to be with you, but also doesn't want to let you go. A lot of men. Yeah. But ask yourself if you want to settle for someone who only keeps you around when they feel like it and not because they want to commit to you. If you are really looking for a commitment from this person, go ahead and have the DTR conversation. But go into it knowing that if commitment isn't something they are equally as interested in, you are setting yourself up for hard a. You could also offer a simple ultimatum that they commit to you or you walk away ultimatums don't always work out for the best, but if you know what you want, and want to know exactly where they stand an ultimatum will let you know the caveat here is to be strong and maintain your boundaries. Don't let them hit you with the charm and bamboozle you into sticking out longer than you have. Also, my thing with ultimatums is if you want to use them, sure, like if you get to a point where you're like, hey, this is what I want. And you don't want that then like I'm happy to go. I think using it in a way that's like empowering and not pressure, like you better do this or being like this is what I want. And if you don't want it, it's okay. Oh, and I think that's that boundary thing. Yeah. But then also you have to really if you're going to do it, don't play a game. It's not really Hey, what's not to like, mess with them. It's real. Yeah. And you have to really walk away and really delete their phone number and we have an episode on breakups. Yes, we do. And yeah, they may circle back when they've grown up a bit and are ready for something more serious. But by that time, you will probably have moved on to someone so much better for you who knows your worth? Who would be dying to keep you around? I know they always circle back to They owe me and just remember that you're gonna get that text and you're gonna be able to say like, bro, I'm engaged to a billionaire. Thank you. Thank you next to a billionaire. I hope that I only wish that for our listeners that somebody's got a yacht. Yes. Yeah. And you're like Sir, I am sailing in Ibiza. Ibiza because our situation ship sunk Well, we hope you learned more about what is a situation ship how to know if you're in one and how to navigate defining a relationship or letting it go. Well, we definitely need a drink after a lot of so. Okay, so naturally circle back on the sparkling green tea with pineapple juice from Trader hos and we've been drinking. That's pleasingly pineapple Li and our hobby this week is Justin Long, because he was in. He's just not that into you. Yes. Which it was. Okay, so the plot of that movie, if you haven't seen it is basically this woman is in a bunch of situation chips. And she's asking her friend who's dressed in long, like, what do I do? What do I do and you'd be like, he's not interested, like, stringing you along. My Girl. Like,

29:55

he was hitting her with the facts. And she's like, No, I don't think so. She's stuck in all these situate Questions, but then it turns out he was falling in love with her. As it always does, and that's always how it goes. One two, Justin Long, who was just the sweetest little. I know he's so sweet so unproblematic sparkling green tea don't like it. It's not for me. I would love it on ice. It kind of tastes like Red Bull to me. It does sound it tastes like Red Bull. I don't like Red Bull. Yeah, it's kind of Yeah. It's like it's it's like if Red Bull. Okay, imagine this and tell me if you think I'm right. Okay. You take up a cup. You pour in seltzer halfway. And then you pour in Red Bull. Another halfway. That's what this tastes like. Yeah, I totally see that. I totally see that. It's the way that the carbonation is is very reminiscent of Red Bull. Yeah, okay, so one two Justin Long for me yeah, I'm gonna give it a two and a half as you say two let's give it a two it did to a two out of Justin Long and by the way, this is nothing against the listener who wrote in it's just our honest opinion Well, she said she'd never tried it Oh, she was like I just want to know what you guys think. Oh we give it a to Christina I would say don't I wouldn't mess with it if you don't if you don't have to. Unless you're a big red bull fan but right in you guys if your other drinks here like I want to. I love Corona not try that first. Yeah, before I spend my money on it I will be the guinea pig will be the guinea pigs

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