TJ joins Deana to give an update! He lost his jobs months ago, but now has a new one doing exactly what he loves, helping others with disabilities. He also continues his podcast, “My Blurred Opinion” which is the perfect name since TJ is legally blind from a young age due to Steven Johnson Syndrome.

Of course, when TJ and I get together we can talk for days about mental health, so there is also a bit of that!

Mentioned Resources:

https://myblurredopinion88.podbean.com/ 

About the Guest: 

Timothy West is a Stevens Johnson survivor. He is legally blind, and struggles with mental health and chronic pain. TJ has dealt with all different types of abuse: including sexual, mental, and physical. He decided to create the podcast, My Blurred Opinion, because he wanted to turn his pain into something positive. Timothy wanted to help those people out there who are like him. He says he feels alone, he has a story, but no one is listening, and he wanted to give a safe space for those who feel they are not able to be themselves.

About Deana:

Deana Brown Mitchell is a driven, optimistic, and compassionate leader in all areas of her life.

As a bestselling author, speaker and award-winning entrepreneur, Deana vulnerably shares her experiences for the benefit of others. As a consultant/coach, she has a unique perspective on customizing a path forward for any situation. 

Currently President of Genius & Sanity, and known as “The Shower Genius”, she teaches her proprietary framework created from her own experiences of burnout and always putting herself last...  for entrepreneurs and leaders who want to continue or expand their business while taking better care of themselves and achieving the life of their dreams.

In 2022 Deana released the book, The Shower Genius, How Self-Care, Creativity & Sanity will Change Your Life Personally & Professionally.

Also, Deana is the Founder & Executive Director of The Realize Foundation. She is a suicide survivor herself, and vulnerably uses her own mental health journey to let others know there is hope. The Realize Foundation produces events and publishes books that let people know there are not alone.

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds” Jeremiah 30:17

https://www.realizefoundation.org/

https://www.facebook.com/RealizeFoundation

https://www.instagram.com/realizefoundation/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-realize-foundation/

https://www.youtube.com/@realizefoundation5598

https://twitter.com/ScarstoStarsTM

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Deana Brown Mitchell: Hello, everybody, it's Deana at the Realize Foundation. And I'm here today with TJ. He was an author in Book Three. And again, if you're just finding us and you don't know what I'm talking about, we have books called scars to stars. And we've had three volumes that are on Amazon and Kindle and other places you can find them. And they've all been bestsellers. And they're a compilation of people's stories of overcoming adversity. And we publish these books, because we are trying to give hope to people, and to let them know they're not alone in their struggles. And that there are people in the world who've been where they are, and how we can have a community and have these conversations to talk about this, and help people get through their struggles. So TJ, first of all, I thank you for sharing your story. And if any of you guys are wondering what is TJ story, then go find Book Three on Amazon and read about it, you can give an overview if you want. And then we can talk about what you're doing now.

Sure, essentially, my story starts when I was four years old, went into the hospital for a really, really bad ear infection, and took amoxicillin and within a week or so my skin burned off and hair and teeth, and just essentially, my body was melting and did major corneal damage to my eyes, which eventually I did pull through through the disease that is called Stevens Johnson Syndrome, which is caused by a high allergic reaction medication. And, yeah, it made me legally blind, I can see some, but, you know, kinda made my life turned it upside down, but I manage. And then throughout that I you know, as of healing and just, you know, mentally and physically just trying to land on my feet, I was four and a half. So I just was trying to get through life. And as I was trying to deal with my vision, and all of a sudden bullying and molestation and just a lot of different abuse and trauma of all times, and just I never really had a lot of time to kind of heal. And so I'm kind of doing that, you know, now, honestly, at 35 years old, so it's 31 years later from the disease and, you know, having a podcast and doing a lot of advocacy and just trying to be a presence on social media and just, you know, obviously the book and just many things, trying to be present and trying to help people and give them somebody to look up to and hopefully it inspires other people.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, absolutely. And so Tingley, really is passionate about helping people with disabilities. And that's what his podcast is about is called My word opinion. And he interviews people about their situations and in talks about that on his podcast, so you should look it up. And then I do want to talk a little bit about the podcast, TJ.

Sure. I had a wonderful lady on you might have heard her name is Deana Mitchell, I don't know if you heard her. She was very do now that we've become good friends, I do appreciate you for for everything in general. But more so your friendship. But yeah, of course I had you on and many a multitude of people. But just like a brief summary, I did it just to kind of get my story out there and talk about what it's like to have mental health disability and just go through all these different things that I've already told you. And then and then just kind of throughout that it just it grew from that to wanting to explore by interviewing people of all different disabilities, I tried to think bigger picture. And then from that, it was like, Hey, I'd like to kind of delve into the homeless community. And weirdly enough, the first person I interviewed was homeless was actually applied. And then that was like, it kind of triggered something in me like, Hey, I think these are all connected, even though I should have known that. And so then addiction came from that and domestic violence, and now soon to be child trafficking, and then a multitude of other issues. But yeah, it's so the podcast went from disability centric, essentially, to then just about trauma and how people get through it, how they overcome and but of course, start with the journey and what it is that they endured, and then, you know, enlighten people on how you can thrive, regardless of whatever it is that you endured. So yeah, that's kind of what the podcast is about. Yeah, it's awesome. And it's just a safe space. I mean, I created it, because when I was a kid, I didn't have a safe space. To be myself, I didn't have a safe space where I could say, Hey, guys, I was blind or Hey, guys, um, you know, I was bullied or whatever, and people not make fun of me. And so I wanted to make this and it kind of created itself in a way because I never understood why I didn't do a video element. And I just felt like, you know, I kind of realized later like, auditorium was like the way to go because, you know, not even just being cute, but like, sometimes women or whoever just don't want to put their makeup on. And then it went from that to like, oh, maybe it's just now people, they can judge us. You know, someone has Tourette's and they're ticking. Like, you can't just go, Oh, look how weird they look or, you know, look at that person missing a leg or whatever, like, you can judge you can you can, you can presume or assume, but you don't know. So it's it kind of shields people from any extra criticism, and it's just a safe place for people to just tell their story without judgment. Yeah, absolutely.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Absolutely. So let's talk about after the book came out, like, what was happening? Because I know there, there's several things, I don't know how the impact of putting the book out, affected you. And then there's things who, who happened after that. But I want to ask you that first, like, did the book coming out? How did that affect your life at all?

Well, even said the thing that you're kind of, you know, relating to their relating to is, but the, the new job and stuff that even had a part to do with my job interview. But as far as putting it out, like, I never thought I'd even be an author, or even put out anything that anyone would look at. It just gave me something else to just kind of, you know, have like another badge of honor another thing that I accomplished that I never thought I would do, and I had a lot of people telling me, I wouldn't be anything. And so I guarantee that was one of the things I didn't think I'd be, you know, I kind of look at life as like this, like I'm wearing, like, my body is wearing all these different things. Like it's almost like a shirt, like a NASCAR shirt, whereas all these endorsements on it. And I just keep adding these badges of honor of things I just keep putting on there, these little pins. were, you know, maybe the Boy Scouts or whatever equivalent you want to use, but just keep adding these things. And it's like, oh, well, look what you've done. And sometimes you you go back and you think of where you were because I never thought of ever being a leader. In any shape, or form, I was the kid that would hide in the class, I would want to just be buried, I don't want to be ever be called on, I don't want to ever stand up for myself, especially not for other people. Because I didn't even want to stand up for me. So the idea of having a chapter in a book, especially about mental health and about my demons and stuff. You know, I was very open to doing it. Because one, I liked you. But also, I was in a better place, you know, than where I was many years ago. But um, yeah, I mean, like I said, it didn't have much of a second on me early, when I first put it out, because I didn't really think about it until really kind of what you're alluding to is just like, when I lost my job, I had these four months to kind of process a lot. And that was one of those things where I had to like, wow, okay, look, what did that the person who struggled to read and had to do it in Braille and all these other things, and now you're here?

Deana Brown Mitchell: That's awesome. Well, I think you know what, what TJ is talking about is after the book came out, it wasn't very long after that, that I saw a video of him and thanked him online. And he was like, you know, I just lost my job. And, you know, you could share whatever you want about that. But I think that it was, I just want to say that when that happened. I don't know how you felt inside. But on the outside, you seemed extremely calm about it. And about like, you know, this happen. And I think you've had to deal with so much in your life that you probably go through something like that. And it's not as traumatic because of all other things you've been through. And so maybe that's why it came across that way. But I felt like you dealt with it very well.

No, I think you're I did, but it wasn't. Because I'm we had a couple of discussions in between there. And one of the things I told you is like the day after I got fired. Now this is a place I worked for eight and a half years. And honestly, I was very miserable and depressed and try not to take as many shots as dumb, because I'm just trying to end that just, you know, whatever. But anyway, the point is, is like this is a place that hire people like visually impaired or blind. And they you know, as an advocate for people with disabilities, it was a real problem for me, because they didn't treat us very well. And they still don't. And it was really hard for me to stay but it was comfortable. Money was alright. It was a job. And you know, I had that feeling of, Well, God, will I ever find another one who's going to hire someone like me, and, you know, even I knew better but it's just it was hard. And you know, as much as I want change, I don't handle it well. And so it felt like somebody and I become more or no spiritual. I'm not like super religious, but I definitely starting to believe more definitely in God. And I just sat there and I had this overwhelming feeling. The day after I got fired. I said, this is the best thing that could ever happen to you. And then I immediately followed by Huh, well, you mean and then oh, but it feels like it. And then I started doing all these little exercises by using my white dry eraser board writing things on the daily stuff to just kind of whatever goes on this board. I need to do it that day just to be more disciplined work on myself. And as those days you know, even though I had anxiety, I had stress. I just kept feeling like it was all going to be okay. I didn't know why I hadn't No idea. And weirdly enough, I'm having that feeling because I wrote down these eight goals. And the next thing that popped up is like, try to fall in love. And I have that feeling now about that. And they don't even know why. Because there's not anybody not that saying like, there won't be. But at the moment, I have that feeling about that. Now, it's the same exact feeling that I had about the job and something happened. And it was like, wow, I didn't see that comment. But anyway, those four months, it was just so therapeutic, because I got a try to get in my shape a little more work out. And, you know, just work on myself and just kind of look at like kind of what you were talking about earlier, just that I was looking at this situation for what it was. And I started comparing it to past situations. And I'm like, Why can't compare it to when I was sick, because that's like always going to be attend to zero. It's not fair. So I started comparing it to another situation where my mom was basically moving out of the house, and with her now husband, but I was going to have to live with him and her and his mother at the time. And I didn't really like him at the time wasn't a big, I just and I didn't want to live with all these other people. And I just made this whim where I'm like, Nope, I need to get this job. And I moved all the way up here three hours away. And anyway, make a long story short, I compared it to this situation. Because at that point in time, I had to find a new job, I had to move three hours away. And I had to find a place to live. Well, in this particular situation that I was in about six months ago, I only had to find a job. And I'm like, well, that's a huge change. So if that as a 10, the previous one, then this is like at best a four or five. And so I started to kind of minimize what I was going through and I started to just take it apart and go look, this is not gonna be easy. This isn't necessarily fun. But take this time to just appreciate life and enjoy yourself. And, you know, somehow we'll all work out. It's at a point where, you know, and it got, there was moments where it revved up a little bit. And you know, my former employer denied my employment, so I wasn't getting any extra money other than my disability. And I didn't mean, you know, there was a part of me that didn't even want to fight that. And I did, and I won. And when I won, and it didn't even bother to show up. It made me like I was elated. I was so happy because everything that I fought for at that company, all the things I fought for and against. It vindicated me because I knew it was a part of me that I thought I was wrong. And I was kind of the problem. And I knew deep down I wasn't but it's just like when no one else is fighting with you and everyone else stays silent, even though they feel the same way you do. It kind of makes you feel wrong. And it just makes you feel yucky at times, you just like, I guess I'm just a hothead, or I'm out of control, whatever. And when they didn't show up, and I end up winning my money, and I got to still say my piece, it made me feel like everything did work out the way I thought it was going to. And not only that I got a new job where they hired me on the spot for three reasons. One, because I sold myself really well to the podcast and three, the book. And they were really impressed with me because they wanted somebody who had a severe disability, which I do, but there's plenty of them. But who wants to work, obviously, and who cares about the betterment of people with disabilities? So check, check and check.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Wow, that's awesome. You want to talk a little bit about what you're doing at that job.

Yeah, so again, it's kind of going slow, because of our certain clearances, these clearances I have to pass for the government to work with the government. But my job title is technically to it's advocacy based. And then the other half is I guess I'm called employment specialist where I would help people with disabilities find employment, which is the irony of the whole thing, as I told you is the full circle of life of being a person with a disability who is unemployed, who then becomes a person with a disability, who is employed helping people with disabilities find employment. Like it's just crazy.

Deana Brown Mitchell: That's awesome.

Yeah.

Deana Brown Mitchell: it's only if your passion and you're really good at helping others, you know, see the value in themselves, I think.

Yeah, and then and then the other part of the advocacy part is the part I've been more entrenched with, because those other things are kind of on hold right now. And so Clarence just go through is that the advocacy stuff, I'm learning so much more about the movement, and, and being surrounded by all these other powerful strong people with disabilities and of all facets, people with wheelchairs are blind or whatever Das. And they're, they're fighting and I see them fighting and a lot of them aren't even in the place that I am where like, I'm like, let's go and I'm open about who I am. A lot of these people is just fight or flight and all they have left is to fight. And they're only fighting because they're at their lab. You know, they're on their last leg and they're just, they have no sight. They have nothing else left in them by sight. And to me that like I'm in all inspired by that because I have Have the fight. But I also have, like, if I have to, I know when to just kind of step back and just, I'm out of here. But that's all they have left that is like, I mean, like, whatever you guys need, I'm with you, because this is beautiful. But I just, it's like a whole new world kind of was, you know, it's like an undercover world that I just like, you know, press the button and just like like a Scooby Doo cartoon, you just a door opens up and voila. And it's like, Whoa, what is this world? And it's like, yeah, this is I meant to seen, I was meant to see this. So

Deana Brown Mitchell: Sound lovely. If if if somebody is listening to this conversation, that is in a place where they're tired of fighting, and they don't know what to do, and they don't really care if they live or die, because they're tired of fighting, what would you say to them?

Well, first, I think, you know, people always want to kind of presume and just throw there, you know, you didn't want to help and do it. But like, the first thing is you as a person who's been there, like I fully fully understand, like, I never judge those people, because I get it. I've been at the bottom where I just, I tried to end my life. And so it's like, I never come from judgment, because I always let people know that, like, I am not here to just tell you life is going to be okay. Just to tell you, it's going to be okay. Because I hate that. People told me that whole my whole life, and it's gonna get it's gonna get better, even though technically they're right. They don't even give you like, you know, a blueprint to how it gets better, or they don't give you any, you know, it Ford on information that just like, Oh, that makes sense. Thanks. It's just as to kind of make you feel better in the moment. But then it just passes and you're like, No, I don't believe what that woman said. But anyway, like I said, it does get better. But your your best bet is specially to try to surround yourself with good people. Because I think we all try to initially do it by ourselves. And that just doesn't work. It just doesn't, it's always good to just be able to call somebody up. And that's, I think that's why I really start at the end of the podcast, I did it with you and a multitude of people, I just say, Hey, if you ever need anything, like towards the end, like if you need a friend, I'm around. And I mean that and I try to check on everybody. And it gets harder and harder. Because you start interviewing more people. There's some that you, you know, you connect with, you know, on a deeper level and stuff. But in general, I try to care because I know what it's like to be alone. I mean, you see my cat, I know what it's like to have no friends, and the only friend is an animal. You know, I know what it's like to cry in and outside and just be on, you know, it feels like your whole body is on fire because you just hate the world and you hate life, you just want to end the pain and the only way to do it is unfortunately ending your life. In so many people try however way you know, however you do it, but it it can get better. But you have to find things to hold on to you have to grasp onto the things that make you happy. I say this a lot on the show. But it doesn't have to be like oh my god, there's this girl I have a crush on you know, I asked her out, you know, then there's a reason now it could literally be the next season of a show that you enjoy. And it's like that comes out in a month, that's a month you want to live just it's a month, like a lot can happen in a month. And then what happens if it gets re upped for another season while you're watching it. Now you have another year to want to live. It sounds it may sound stupid, but you you have to find these things to just grasp onto it and something to live for. You know, when I've hit mental rock bottom and I wanted to end my life there was still something that was kept saying no now keep keep flowing, it's gonna get better. When you're at the very bottom. And you're looking up at these like proverbial like steps. And you're like, oh my god, it looks like you know, the Mount Everest like I'm never going to climb that. And not only that, the worst part is when you get halfway or a good amount, way up the steps. And then you fall all the way back to where you first started from. That's the most surreal thing because that is like oh my God, I am a failure. Because I am still I thought I'm beyond this. You're not beyond any of it. It's same thing like being an attic, like all it takes is one sip or one password or whatever. And you're back to square one. So yeah, but at the same time, you have to realize how strong you are. Because a lot of us are dealt a really, really crappy hand. And we don't ever look at like what it is like or how that we're still moving. There's days I look at myself in the mirror and I go How are you here? Now not just because I almost died or I attempted to kill myself but like, Why? Why are you still moving even when I get bad news? It's like, it's like a day and I'm like, and then next day I'm smiling again. It was like man, like I'm telling you just wear that stuff like a badge of honor. keep fighting, keep pushing through the mud, as they say and, you know, it's like the quicksand thing, just grab on. Have a branch and just keep pulling, and eventually you're gonna pull yourself out, it's just you have there's no real like 100% solution, because we all have different things like all our problems are all different. So you just have to believe you got to hang in, and I'm not telling you to believe God, I'm not telling you to whatever it is that you care about, you know, it could be a pet could be a loved one, it could be a family member, it could be anyone, just whatever it is, whoever, whoever, whatever, hang in there and just love that and just keep moving, somehow, and you'll get out of it.

Deana Brown Mitchell: It's true. You know, Donnie Crowder, who created coke notes, and you guys can look up coke notes.com. It's a texting service. And it's all about mental health. And it's awesome. But Johnny, and he, he's been on our podcast as well. And he said that one time, he was really into music when he was growing up. And he said, I post on my death once because there was a concert I wanted to go to. So when you said that it made me remember his comment. And it's like, you know, music is a really big thing for people to like, I have playlists for different moods. Like when I'm feeling really depressed or struggling, I have a playlist for that. If I feel like, I'm really anxious about something, I have a playlist for that. So music is a really good tool, if you use it in a way that like what is it? What kind of music do you want to hear when you're depressed and then can lift your mood? Shred, it's, it's funny, because I used to, there was this playlist I listened to a lot in 2020 and 2021. And for those of you don't know, I lost a 10 year business in 2020. So I was in a really dark place. And, and I would listen to the songs that would help me get through the day. And now I listen to that playlist and I'm like, oh my god, this is this is sad. And I'm like, but at the time, it was so vital to me those songs got me through each day for a month, because I was in such a bad place. And then you know, when you have I also have a playlist it's like I call it high because it's like a gets me in a creative like, what? Get some stuff done. Move forward. Hi. Ash, it's you. Yeah. So what are some of your favorite songs for stuff like that?

I'm trying to I mean, I don't know this, like I, I just yeah, I'm the same way I downloaded it depends on the mood too, because like there's some that's unless you just want to feel like lovey dovey type, you know, r&b type music, or sometimes you just need a really hard rock ballad or a hip hop song that just kind of gets you going. I mean, I go to the gym a couple times a week. So that's like a use that is sometimes you just want to kind of add to the emotion even if you're feeling so low, you just start listening to sad songs, which is the worst. It's like when you when you break up with somebody and you just start playing love songs or break up silent wanting to in is to myself, be I don't have any particular person. But I didn't want to go back one sec, because one of the things where I knew I wanted to be alive was that there was there was a thing I used to do it I never thought about until maybe a year ago, when I used to, I used to be so depressed, and I would just like my safe space was my bed and I would curl in my bed. And I would cry or want to cry. But the antidepressants were keeping them at bay. And maybe I'd snuggle with my cat or whatever. And I I always knew I had this not trying to be super dark. But I always had this big knife in my mind, like the upper shelving of my bed. And I just kept having this thought of just plunge it into yourself. And I never would. But obviously, but like, every time I had that thought my body just kind of went on shutdown it just locked in. I couldn't move arms. I couldn't move anything until the feeling would pass. And I never really considered why that would because there's just like I have whatever it is what it is, but you still want to do it. Right? And then I realized I was like, Nah, it's my body just you know, it's just me deep. That's like, the whatever inner spirit or whatever it is that I have that keeps fighting is just like, nah, this is just dumb. Just let it pass and you're good. And then I'd be over and I never would even consider that being gay. And a lot of times I just kept it there in case like somebody knocked on my door three in the morning, whatever. But overall, it was there and it but I and I have every it's right there. Still I could still do it. But I never will. Because I know I want to be alive. It may be a dark way to get to it. But it's like, I know that because what is stopping me. The only thing that's stopping me is me. There's I don't live with anybody. My cat can't stop me. So it's literally just me and it's me. I was telling myself you want to be alive you have a bigger purpose. Keep going. All this is just, you know, a formality. It's good. So And that's the thing like you said, just and sometimes you know, you postpone it, you're just like, Yeah, well, we'll get back to this conversation. And then in months go by, like, what was that we were talking about, Oh, who cares, you don't care. And it doesn't mean a lot. But again, those moments to me still mean a lot, because it made me realize how far I've come. Because now I don't have those moments, I have moments where I'm sad, or I don't feel like doing some and maybe I'll curl up on the couch, or I'll lay in my bed, but it's not like, oh, suicidal thoughts. It's just like, yeah, man, I just wish things weren't so hard.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Which, yeah, I think the point is, finding some kind of tool or resource or thing that just helps you through those moments when they do come. And for me, music is probably number one. But also just having the community of scars to stars and all the people who've been involved. And you know, that you can pick up the phone and talk to any one of them in any time about something that you're having a hard time with. Because we've all been, we've all gotten to know each other through the process of the books and, and writing and getting to know each other stories. And it's a wonderful community, when people you know, really participate and and take advantage of the 12 weeks we have together writing a book. So it's, it's been, it's been really cool for me to see so many people bond that didn't know each other before, before this, including including me and TJ, because we didn't know each other before this book. And it was somebody from your podcasts who told me, I should reach out to you. So it's, you know, we all find each other in different ways. But my feeling is that things happen for a reason. And things happen the way they are meant to be with lack of better explanation. I do believe that and I do have faith that there are things that happen to us or for us to further whatever it is were put on this earth for, and finding our purpose and our why and how we help other people. And I think you're a great example of that, TJ.

Appreciate you saying same goes to you, you know, I mean, I said, but when you're in the worst feelings, it's it's, I'm sure you've heard it many times yourself. It's like don't worry, you know, you've been through so much good things are common and all that. It just sounds cliche, and it's just nauseating. And even if they even if it's true, or they mean well or whatever, but it's like when you're at your, your worst or even climbing back up. You just like I don't want to hear that. Because I don't I'm always looking over my shoulder, like when's the next storm coming? And that's by when you start to see some things unfold. Like how it has been for me more of late. It's like none, man, because even like, you know, I told you what's been going on with you asked me about the procedure and stuff and it's like, it's, it's got me down about it. But as you also stated, like maybe this is the you know, this happened for a reason and something else has come and when you shouldn't you said it, I was already thinking that and I don't like and again, this the same thing, like I said about the dating thing or the job they I don't know what it is, but it is something and that whole job four months thing really invigorated me in so many ways because it's like, not only did I heal mentally physically, I even went back to all the past traumas and dealt with them and all that. But it was also like, Hey, man, like there's this there's something here and it's whatever you want to call it, is something's in your corner, and it's going to be okay, and things are going to get a lot better and and then things started to get a lot better. And again, I'm still far from where I want to be. But I'm also far from where I started. So I may not be at the very top step but I'm at least at the halfway point and at least maybe even above that I'm beyond where I was that and I still struggle with chronic pain, brain fog, depression, anxiety, my eyes are still are what they are and you know, I still deal with a lot of other things and it's all good. I mean, some days are rough but I'm not dead.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, they I mean to your point that losing the job seemed like the end of a lot of things at the time. But then you said the four months that you got to spend reflecting and and working on yourself that you're thankful for. So that's proof right there that when things when when seemingly bad things happen. Sometimes we get a lot out of that in the long run, and it's it kind of sucks speaks to the tattoo I have on my arm that says, thankful for the scars. Because if I hadn't been through the things I've been through in my life, I wouldn't be able to give back to other people the way I do now, and help people the way I do now. And the same for you.

Yeah, I think even the the one thing that I didn't talk about that was during those four months, the one thing that I'm very proud of is, look, I'm not a social media person. And I only do it because of podcasts and advocacy related stuff. But a friend of mine who I've met did the podcast, she was like, just get on Tik Tok. Okay, whatever. And for the whole time I was off, I did a like a little blog at least once a day, I made it like a job where I'm like, I need to check in every day with these people. I want them to know how I'm going to show you. They see journalizing from the day after I got fired. To the day, I got a job and beyond what it's like for a person with a disability to lose a job. Because 70% of us are unemployed, to show you what it's like to lose a job and then gain a job within months later. And then thrive within that job, and contend and just show my life and not pull away, you know, the fourth wall, pull away everything and just go hey, look, here's a day where I'm sad. tears in my eyes, here's a day where I'm angry. There is no I'm not glorifying anything, I'm not downplaying anything, I'm just saying, This is me in a nutshell, you're not going to always get the best version of me, this is just my life, like it or not. So it's, it's something I can do outside the podcast, and actually can do more of because a lot of times when you're interviewing, you don't want to hijack the person, you don't want to just start bawling them out some hanger or whatever. And you're like, hey, this is my this is this is my life outside of it. And it's even, you know, it's at my own opinion. So it's the same thing, you're entitled the same thing. So it's easy to fire me, and I'm just being real. And so that came, you know, as I did at least 100 straight days of just constitution store, like a mental health checkup. And from the day after I got fired to whatever day I stopped, and I still every day post something, at least one thing just may be something that's on my mind, something I can relate to. Just trying to, you know, talk and just be there. Because that's, that's, that's a big thing when you know, because I'm looking at it now as a person who struggles with my problems, but is now looking for the people that will wear me before those four months or even beyond. And I'm just I'm just trying to be here. Sometimes you want to just help everybody. But people are willing to accept your help yet. But if you're just there and you're a constant, you're a voice that's just saying something and they're like, hey, that kind of sounds about right. And then one day you hear her sounds a little different. I wasn't ready to accept that. But now I am and you just keep on somebody or somebody's will continue to reach out. Oh, thank you for your help. And I get that all the time. And so that was maybe the most important thing that came out of it.

Deana Brown Mitchell: That's awesome. That's awesome. I think I think there's so much we can learn from each other. And the people who do show up consistently, are the one to provide the most value and people are, you know, then start following you because it's something that's consistent. But then I've been doing some videos too. And it first i I was really nervous about it. No, you know, I didn't, I didn't really want to be on camera. And I had been doing a lot of these kinds of videos. But I had never done any that were just me talking about something. But now that I've been doing it for a while, and I would do it every day, but I do probably Schubert's will we and I've been I ran into two people last week, they're like, We love your videos. And I was like, Well, I didn't even know you were watching Matthias, Ronnie never know, who's seen them and what they're getting out of it. Because they don't always tell you. But it's something also, when you're the one making these videos, it's a very vulnerable thing, like you're sharing personal thoughts, or you're sharing things about your life that, you know, again, it's kind of like the scars, the stars books, it makes people know they're not alone. Because when you're when you're talking about your own thoughts, some of them or all of them can relate to some of what you're saying in some way. And it again, makes them feel like they're not alone. Because hey, I'm feeling this and I don't want to talk about it. But this guy is on Tiktok everyday talking about it. So it makes me feel like I'm not alone. And I can listen to him and get that whatever I need to get through the day. So I think it's very valuable to people in the world that listen to other people talk about these things. So

Same to you yeah, I mean, it's just it's good to get it out there man. Some things just feel right when they're Coming out is not every video where I'm right now is definitely say some that video. There's definitely a bunch of my going back and I'm like, Yeah, you know, like, I don't really want to listen to it because my voice, but it's like I really do feel like I was saying something I do think that was impactful regardless if it had millions of views or not. But I had a friend named Teresa, she's just stroke survivor, she told me just because he you know, they're not interacting or commenting, liking, subscribing, whatever. That doesn't mean they're not listening. They're out there. You just have to believe that and every so often, especially on Tik Tok, you tend to reach more people, but you definitely get people that are just like, yeah, man, I've been here I've been listening to you. And one woman I did, she did a podcast, she's had an awful life, just I don't know how many sexual assaults and just just a rough, rough life and she's like, I've been following you for years. And I'm like, Jesus, I've barely been doing this for years. So it's like, you know it. And, you know, however, I can, you know, just be your friend for her because she doesn't have anywhere, at least at the time didn't have any friends that she had somebody who's just some random person who hasn't been through a lot of the things she's been through. But I'm like, Look, man, I tried. That's the thing we like, because one of the best qualities I have is that I have empathy, and that I don't try to talk to somebody in a wheelchair and go like, Yeah, I know what it's like, because I had a cast ones, you know, or like, and I actually has been times in wheelchairs where I couldn't get out, I couldn't walk. But I could move my spine and I could do something. But regardless, I don't try to like, you know, act like I understand their situation, because I have a life experience. It's kind of sort of Farfetch experience that kind of seems like there's no I really can find ways to compare it, whether it's mentally physically in a way, but also not downplay it, as you know, and make mine see worse or anything. I just try to Yeah, I let people just I love just letting people be themselves and and that's for good or for worse, like, I want people to show their true colors. And I'd rather people just be awful in front of me. So I know what they are where they stand. And that's it. I don't I don't like the lying. And I just like people being themselves. And that's unabashedly just, that's just what it is. There's no, you know, nothing hidden. And that's how you get the best out of people. Maybe the worst to I don't know, but I'll take what you gotta take the good with the bad. That's everything. And for me, I just I like people just being raw and just who they are. Because that's something that's missing in the world a lot these days is authenticity.

Deana Brown Mitchell: That is true. That is very true. Well, I appreciate your authenticity and everything you've offered to our community through the books and through the our conversations, and also what you're doing in the world with your new job and your your podcast, and just think you're a great inspiration to many people.

Thank you. I appreciate that a lot. I don't I don't take compliments very well. I mean, I really do appreciate it. Because you know, I do love you to death. And, you know, I'm very grateful to have you as a friend. And I do think the same thing about you. And but yeah, I'm Thank you, I'm very grateful.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Well, thank you, TJ. Well, I just want to let everybody know, if you are looking for someone to have a conversation with about your own situation, or maybe you want to write about something you've overcome in one of our books, check us out and I'm gonna put our website up, it's called realizefoundation.org. And on the Scars to Stars page, there is a video with a guy named Eric talking about writing his story. And you can fill out that form to submit, if you want to write in our next book that we're going to start in July. And the book will come out on September 22 to 2024. And we're going to September Suicide Prevention Month. So that's why we put our books out in September, because that is the biggest part of our mission. So if you're interested, look us up. Feel free to share it with anybody and also just look at our social pages or our YouTube channels. We have tons and tons of videos and interviews with all of our authors and getting to know some of them. So I hope you'll check us out. I hope you enjoyed this conversation TJ and I've been having and we hope to see you in our community.

Yep.