Tuesday's six stages aren't just something to understand — they're something to practice.

This week's Butterfly Effect gives you one small action for four different moments in your teen's coming out process, from staying present in silence to knowing exactly when to step back.

In this episode, you'll learn how to:

• Practice being a "witness" instead of an investigator during the invisible early stage
• Ask the one question that takes pressure off your kid during the double-life stage
• Recognize when pulling back, not stepping in, is the most supportive thing you can do

Press play for four tiny actions you can start today.

Hi, I’m Heather Hester, and I’m so glad you’re here!

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Listen to *NEW* episodes every Tuesday and Friday!

At the heart of my work is a deep commitment to compassion, authenticity, and transformative allyship, especially for those navigating the complexities of parenting LGBTQ kids. Through this podcast, speaking, my writing, and the spaces I create, I help people unlearn bias, embrace their full humanity, and grow their capacity for courageous, compassionate connection.

For parents, allies, and those pioneering a way to lead with love and kindness, I’m here with true, messy, and heart-warming stories, real tools, and grounding support to help you move from fear to fierce, informed action.

Whether you’re listening in, working with me directly, or quietly taking it all in, I see you. And I’m so glad you’re part of this journey.

More Human. More Kind. formerly Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen is a safe and supportive podcast in a heartfelt and empowering space where a mom and advocate offers the wisdom of lived experience and practical guidance and education to parents and allies, teaching empathy, kindness, love, and strong boundaries while supporting LGBTQ teens and the diverse LGBTQ community, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, transgender, and queer individuals, through conversations about mental health, grief, gender identity, sexual orientation, human rights, social justice, parenting, parent support, and meaningful LGBTQ allyship and allyship in action.

In today's episode, we're going to get specific about small actions you can take at three very different points in your teens coming out process.

Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast for parents of LGBTQ kids and anyone trying to stay human in a world that keeps hardening.

I'm Heather Hester, and here we talk about fear, belonging to boundaries, courage, love, and what it means to protect what matters without losing yourself in the process.

Your child doesn't just need a parent who's informed.

They need a parent who is grounded and strong.

Let's take a breath and let's begin.

Welcome to More Human, More Kind.

I'm Heather Hester.

On Tuesday, I walked you through all six stages of your teens coming out process.

We talked about what it may look like from the outside, as well as the internal processes and struggles your child may be going through.

I shared stories from our journey of Connor's struggles of feeling so alone.

And I shared stories of pride and resilience and acceptance.

Six very different chapters, often happening faster or maybe even slower than you'd expect, sometimes all at the same time.

If you haven't listened to that episode yet, go back and start there.

This one today builds right.

On top of that, let's look at specific small actions you can take at three very different points in your teens coming out process.

Because what they need from you looks completely different depending on where they are.

Here's what I want to sit with for another minute.

Your job doesn't stay the same across these six stages.

In the early invisible stage, your job is just to be a safe, steady presence.

By the time your child is in identity pride, your job is completely flipped.

Now you're the one who has to hold back.

Same kid, same love.

Wildly different asks depending on the week and the stage.

This week, I'm offering three tiny actions, one for three different points along that arc.

First is your word of the week.

It is witness.

Not be an investigator, not go and fix something.

Just witness someone who sees that something is happening without demanding to know what it is.

This is the word for the early invisible stages, Stage one and stage two.

When your kid is carrying something enormous and has no language for it yet, a witness doesn't need the full story to be trusted with the presence.

Your tiny action for this week is for stage three, the the double life stage.

When your kid may be out to a few people and not to others, exhausted from managing where they can be themselves and where they have to stay quiet and small, ask them this exact question.

Who do you want me to tell and who would you rather I not tell?

Then honor the answer Exactly.

Even the parts that don't make sense to you, Repeat the question back to them once in order to confirm you heard their answer right before you agree to anything.

This is not a stage to guess wrong in your micro Rebellion this week is for Stage five.

Identity Pride.

When they want to be seen, when they want to share everything they know, when they want to educate other people, and sometimes when they want to fight about it.

Resist that mama or Papa Bear urge to jump in and rescue them from a hard conversation or from an uncomfortable moment.

This week, just one time, let them practice defending themselves.

Notice what it costs you to hold back.

That cost is exactly what makes it count.

And here's your one line to steal for stage four when you catch that first flicker of self love coming back, I see you and I'm so proud of who you are right now in this moment in time.

Use it exactly as is and say it.

The moment you notice their sparkle return.

Don't save it for a bigger occasion.

Small, immediate and specific.

That's what makes it land.

This is one of the most meaningful things I learned from Connor Very early on.

We would often talk with him about his potential or who he was becoming until one day he just asked what about who I am right now?

That really hit home and it helped us see how much pressure we were unintentionally putting on him to always be focusing on some future version of him, a version that may never be.

Let them know you see who they are right now and then you can sprinkle in the beautiful possibilities for their future.

I've started adding a new piece to these Butterfly Effect episodes because they just fit so beautifully.

Each week I'm going to read a listener review.

I am always so grateful when people take the time to share their thoughts about the show and I thought this would be a really fun way to give people a shout out.

Today's review is from Amanda Hinman and she gives five stars, saying this podcast offers insightful and honest conversations about how to show up as a parent and a real human.

Heather shares helpful strategies and what I find most valuable are her relatable stories and her loving manner.

Provides a safe place to land a must listen.

Thank you.

Thank you Amanda.

I really, really appreciate your very kind words.

That's the episode.

If you liked it.

A five star rating and a review wherever you find your podcast takes about 30 seconds and it helps more than you'd think.

I'll see you next Tuesday for a new episode, talking all about your coming out process.

Until next time, keep choosing to be a little more human and a little more kind.