Transcripts
Boundaries are medicine because they help us become aware of what we are here to
Speaker:cultivate and who we truly are.
Speaker:Hello and welcome back to Remember Why You're Here,
Speaker:a podcast for seekers and sensitives where you can relax, receive,
Speaker:reconnect to yourself and remember that most important thing of all,
Speaker:why you're here. I'm Asia Suler, author, teacher,
Speaker:Earth Intuitive. And in this episode today,
Speaker:I wanted to return to a recording I made several years ago now
Speaker:called Boundaries as Medicine.
Speaker:If you listen to the intuitive reading for this month of September
Speaker:2026,
Speaker:you'll know that I talked a lot about one of the energies and
Speaker:opportunities up this month is this energy of
Speaker:protecting what has newly come online for us.
Speaker:I spoke in August about this idea of these spontaneous soul retrievals
Speaker:happening, these parts of ourselves coming back online,
Speaker:these tender pieces coming home. And now in September,
Speaker:there is this vibe here of really giving ourselves the
Speaker:kind of protection and shelter that we need as we
Speaker:continue to integrate these tender parts of ourselves,
Speaker:these aspects of ourselves that we're bringing back and reintegrating into the
Speaker:whole.
Speaker:And so one of the best ways to protect
Speaker:ourselves as sensitives is boundaries.
Speaker:So I remember at some point growing up thinking that
Speaker:boundaries always looked like you were drawing a line in the sand or
Speaker:you're about to get into a fight with the rival gang,
Speaker:but boundaries really are about distinguishing what is
Speaker:you and not you.
Speaker:And this is incredibly important for sensitives and empaths.
Speaker:So I thought we would revisit this recording boundaries as
Speaker:medicine in case you're someone that needs the reframe,
Speaker:that it's actually okay for you to set boundaries. It's important,
Speaker:it's life giving, not only for you, but for the world around you as well.
Speaker:Boundaries are what make healthy relationships possible.
Speaker:They're what give you the space that you need to integrate all
Speaker:aspects of yourself,
Speaker:to feel safe at your center and to create what you're here to create in this
Speaker:lifetime. So when you're ready, go ahead and settle in.
Speaker:We're going to drop into this recording boundaries as medicine and at the end
Speaker:I'm going to walk you through one of my favorite practices for
Speaker:just coming back home to myself when I feel scattered,
Speaker:when I feel like my boundaries have slipped.
Speaker:This practice always really supports me as I
Speaker:am someone who is constantly learning and updating my awareness of what
Speaker:boundaries are.
Speaker:And this is something that a lot of us sensitives and empaths are doing.
Speaker:This is part of our journey.
Speaker:It will be different layers and aspects of learning every single time
Speaker:we have to set a new boundary.
Speaker:And so this practice will really help you with that. Okay, let's dive in.
Speaker:Summer is a season of endless expansive possibilities, blooming,
Speaker:flowers, fruit, parties.
Speaker:Summer is also one of the best times to learn about boundaries.
Speaker:In particular, because summer is such a boundaryless time,
Speaker:it's one of the most perfect times for us to begin to practice and understand
Speaker:where our boundaries are and why holding boundaries is so important for growth.
Speaker:At its most basic,
Speaker:boundaries are about learning what is self versus non-self.
Speaker:Now, of course, this is always shifting, right?
Speaker:When we're very, very young,
Speaker:we often identify ourselves with our caretakers.
Speaker:Fast forward to our teenage years and one of the ways in which we know ourselves
Speaker:is through disidentification with our parents or caretakers.
Speaker:So know that this boundary between self and non-self is something that is always
Speaker:shifting and always in the process of being clarified and figured out.
Speaker:I think this is important because sometimes we think setting a boundary is about
Speaker:realizing one hard steadfast rule, and that's not really how it works.
Speaker:So you might be invited to a potluck one week and have it feel awesome,
Speaker:and you might be invited to a potluck the next week and have it feel draining.
Speaker:This is because your boundaries of where self and non-self are have
Speaker:shifted.
Speaker:So I remember hearing once this definition of evil as just that
Speaker:which is not you and doesn't belong within your sphere.
Speaker:And it really liberated me and sort of took some of the fear out of the idea of
Speaker:good and bad and the fear around the protection of boundaries.
Speaker:It's just about recognizing what's you, what's not you.
Speaker:And if it's not you and it's inside your boundaries,
Speaker:it's time to ask it to leave. Really,
Speaker:boundaries is about continually looking towards our subtle edge and where is
Speaker:that subtle edge moving? Think about a garden bed.
Speaker:If you didn't hold the boundaries of what could grow there and couldn't grow
Speaker:there, you wouldn't have a garden. You'd have a wild space,
Speaker:which is beautiful unto itself. But if we want to grow certain kinds of herbs,
Speaker:vegetables, flowers,
Speaker:or even certain ways of being aware of ourself or certain kinds of
Speaker:experiences in our life, we need to be able to have boundaries.
Speaker:Now, just like in gardens,
Speaker:there's no right or wrong in terms of boundaries.
Speaker:It's all about what you are wanting to cultivate.
Speaker:So I learned this lesson really strongly when I moved into the
Speaker:first house that I bought. The garden there was completely overgrown.
Speaker:At one point in time,
Speaker:it had been a beautiful oasis tended by a master gardener and it had been
Speaker:basically left for about five years before I moved in.
Speaker:And the first year I just watched everything to see what was there and what was
Speaker:growing. The second year I started to make some boundaries.
Speaker:I basically had to make the decision,
Speaker:what do I want growing here versus what do I not want growing here?
Speaker:There was no right or wrong answer. It really just came down to what I liked,
Speaker:what worked for me,
Speaker:and what I thought would be most beneficial for the larger landscape.
Speaker:A weed is truly just a plant that's growing in a space where you'd prefer to
Speaker:grow something else. So something that someone else might call a weed,
Speaker:you might call medicine.
Speaker:The same is true for the things in our life that are crossing our
Speaker:boundaries and taking our attention away from what we truly want to cultivate.
Speaker:So whether that's a relationship in your life or whether that's even a thought
Speaker:form or an idea or a looping pattern of thinking that keeps coming
Speaker:back into your mind,
Speaker:this too is a boundary violation and it can be taking you away from that which
Speaker:you really want to cultivate in your life.
Speaker:So this is why boundaries are medicine because they help us become aware of what
Speaker:we are here to cultivate and who we truly are.
Speaker:And the way that we know who we are as individual people in this vastly
Speaker:connected whole is to know where our boundaries are.
Speaker:Drawing boundaries is essential for healing,
Speaker:whether that's drawing a boundary to take a sick day when you're not feeling
Speaker:well,
Speaker:or whether that's literally drawing a boundary between you and a pathogen that's
Speaker:entered into your body.
Speaker:If we can take this example of healing on a physical level and expand it out to
Speaker:this more energetic or esoteric way of thinking about
Speaker:healing,
Speaker:we can see that boundaries are actually what create the container for us to know
Speaker:ourselves and be able to fill out this vessel that we've been
Speaker:given.
Speaker:And that truly is why we're here to fill out this person,
Speaker:this individuality, this personality and give our gifts to the world.
Speaker:And we can't do this without boundaries.
Speaker:The amazing thing is that when we connect into boundaries,
Speaker:it literally can begin to change your consciousness.
Speaker:I like to say that boundaries are psychedelic.
Speaker:When I draw strong boundaries,
Speaker:because of the way in which it actually helps me curate where my thoughts and
Speaker:awareness is going and also where my energy is going,
Speaker:I draw boundaries when I feel like I'm being energetically depleted,
Speaker:I then have more energy for my life, for the things that feed me.
Speaker:I have more energy for the moment. So for me, this feels like time slowing down.
Speaker:It feels like the ability to luxuriate in life's moment to moment
Speaker:joys. Colors are more vivid, experiences are deeper,
Speaker:all of this happening just from drawing boundaries. Now, of course,
Speaker:it's hard at first to begin drawing boundaries and before we get to the numinous
Speaker:psychedelic experience of being immersed in our own energy and all of the power
Speaker:that that could bring to us, we're probably going to be dealing with guilt,
Speaker:shame, or worry, and that's fine. Just know that when those feelings come up,
Speaker:that's the precursor to being able to get to a space where you feel
Speaker:comfortable and good in asserting your boundaries. And again,
Speaker:your boundaries are always shifting too.
Speaker:So the more you practice saying no in a certain realm or drawing a certain
Speaker:boundaries,
Speaker:the more you'll feel comfortable with that and then actually be able to expand
Speaker:the ways in which you are holding a container for your energy and your life
Speaker:purpose.
Speaker:So one of the things that I like to do is I just say to myself,
Speaker:"I'm going to hold a boundary with that." And it comes in oftentimes when I
Speaker:start worrying about something or I start future tripping or I start going into
Speaker:the past and sort of going down that rabbit hole.
Speaker:I will literally say in my mind or sometimes out loud, "You know what?
Speaker:I'm going to draw a boundary with that." It's funny.
Speaker:It shakes up my train of thought and it really helps me realize that one of
Speaker:the first and most important places that I can set boundaries is within my own
Speaker:thoughts. Now,
Speaker:if you're interested in working with plants to help you hold boundaries,
Speaker:I highly recommend working with any thorned plants.
Speaker:So you can work with any thorn plants just talismatically by
Speaker:bringing in a representation of that plant into your spiritual practice,
Speaker:meditating on the idea of that plant or taking a flower essence from that plant.
Speaker:One of my favorites for this is blackberry.
Speaker:Blackberry is a plant that will often grow in after an area has
Speaker:been cleared or clear cut.
Speaker:So blackberry is actually this regenerative plant for helping to
Speaker:restore forests. If you've ever gotten yourself into a thicket of blackberries,
Speaker:you know why,
Speaker:because it keeps people and also other animals out so that these
Speaker:tender young shoots can really get a chance. They are land reclaimers,
Speaker:they are boundary holders in a really sacred way that then create healing and
Speaker:restoration. So if you're interested,
Speaker:you can try working with blackberry flower essence or even just get yourself a
Speaker:quart of blackberries and really be in presence while you're eating them.
Speaker:Invite the energy of that plant in to come help you learn about how beautiful
Speaker:and life-giving boundaries can be.
Speaker:Now I want to leave you with one practice that can help you as you start to
Speaker:implement more boundary setting in your life.
Speaker:So this practice is called EFT or emotional freedom technique,
Speaker:and it's something that I use when I'm having a lot of emotion come up.
Speaker:I find it to be very helpful when I'm trying to draw a boundary,
Speaker:but I'm having guilt or worry come up. So in EFT,
Speaker:we're actually tapping certain meridian points on our body to create greater
Speaker:energy flow.
Speaker:This idea that all negative emotional states are actually coming from a
Speaker:blockage in energy.
Speaker:And if we can just get that flow moving by acknowledging what we're feeling and
Speaker:tapping on these places on our body,
Speaker:that it can actually help us come into presence and then through that awareness,
Speaker:just begin to take the edge off the way in which that thought is controlling us.
Speaker:So if you're interested in this,
Speaker:there are tons of tutorials on EFT on YouTube or online elsewhere so you
Speaker:can look deeper into it,
Speaker:but for now you don't have to know anything about EFT to just follow along with
Speaker:me with this exercise. Wonderful.
Speaker:So let's go ahead and now do this EFT tapping exercise.
Speaker:I decided to rerecord this part as the original
Speaker:recording was a video because I want to make sure that I'm listing the different
Speaker:places that we're going to be tapping here.
Speaker:So if you're listening while you're driving,
Speaker:you can just follow along in your mind's eye and literally imagine tapping these
Speaker:places. But if you do have the space,
Speaker:if you're in a place where you can do this,
Speaker:go ahead and settle in and we're going to walk through this EFT
Speaker:technique.
Speaker:So we're using this specifically when you're feeling guilt come up around
Speaker:setting a boundary,
Speaker:which is one of the biggest emotions that will come up for us sensitives and
Speaker:empaths when we do set that boundary.
Speaker:But obviously you can use EFT tapping for any
Speaker:feeling that is causing you strife,
Speaker:any feeling that is causing you pain.
Speaker:One more quick note before we begin. A lot of times in EFT circles,
Speaker:the phrase is,
Speaker:even though I still completely accept myself or
Speaker:I still completely love and accept myself.
Speaker:One of the things that I have found over time is that if I'm not in a place
Speaker:where I feel very accepting of myself or I'm feeling very loving towards
Speaker:myself, that it can actually sort of trigger an inner alarm within me.
Speaker:So the phrase that I like to use is even though I feel whatever the feeling is
Speaker:or whatever the thought is,
Speaker:I can still show up for myself because just by tapping
Speaker:in that moment, I am always showing up for myself.
Speaker:So that's the basic phrase that we're going to use here.
Speaker:And you'll notice that the statement might shift over the course of me tapping
Speaker:and this is normal and natural.
Speaker:What I often find is that as I tap, my feelings change.
Speaker:What I'm saying to myself changes.
Speaker:And so what I'm saying out loud as I tap will reflect that.
Speaker:So if I was doing this for myself right now,
Speaker:I would first think about how bad I feel in this moment on a scale
Speaker:from zero to 10. This sort of gives me a good recognition of where I'm at,
Speaker:where my starting point is. How bad does this guilt feel, for example,
Speaker:with this phrase that we're using. Okay.
Speaker:And so now I'm going to step into this with the statement,
Speaker:even though I'm feeling guilty, I can still show up for myself.
Speaker:All right, so we begin here
Speaker:by tapping what we call your karate chop point.
Speaker:So this is the blade of your hand underneath your pinky right on the
Speaker:side of your hand. And so you just start tapping with your fingers.
Speaker:You take your other hand, you could use two fingers, you could use three,
Speaker:four fingers,
Speaker:but you go ahead and start tapping on this side of your opposite hand in this
Speaker:karate chop place, and you say your beginning statement out loud three times.
Speaker:So even though I'm feeling guilty right now,
Speaker:I can still show up for myself in this moment.
Speaker:And I normally repeat this about three times.
Speaker:Even though I was feeling guilty right now,
Speaker:I can still show up for myself in this moment.
Speaker:Even though I'm feeling guilty right now,
Speaker:I can still show up for myself in this moment.
Speaker:And then we move on to the very top of our head.
Speaker:So you can follow along with my statement.
Speaker:If you have your own statement about something that you are working with right
Speaker:now, go ahead and just drop into that. So I'm tapping now with my hand,
Speaker:either hand is fine, the very top and center of my head. And I'm saying,
Speaker:even though I'm feeling bad about feeling guilty,
Speaker:I still can show up for myself in this moment.
Speaker:And now I go to the inside edge of one of my eyebrows.
Speaker:Either eyebrow is fine.
Speaker:We're going to that inside edge where your nose meets your eyebrow,
Speaker:tapping here and deepening into that statement.
Speaker:Even though I'm feeling anxious about how guilty I am,
Speaker:how guilty I feel, I can still show up for myself in this moment.
Speaker:And now we're moving to the outside edge of one of our
Speaker:eyebrows where your eyebrow meets your temple. And again,
Speaker:you might notice that your statement begins to shift here. So for me,
Speaker:maybe it might shift into,
Speaker:even though I'm worried I might have hurt someone's feelings,
Speaker:I can still show up in a loving way for myself.
Speaker:So I was able to bring in the love in that moment.
Speaker:Now I'm going to move on to tapping the bone underneath one of my eyes.
Speaker:Your cheekbones right underneath any one of your eyes is fine.
Speaker:Even though I feel heavy right now,
Speaker:I can still show up for myself.
Speaker:I can still hold space for myself.
Speaker:And now we move to tapping between your nose and your upper lip,
Speaker:right in that divot right there.
Speaker:Even though I'm experiencing heaviness right now,
Speaker:I can still hold loving space for myself.
Speaker:And now you tap between your lower lip and your chin.
Speaker:Sometimes people like to be right on their chin or a little bit up from their
Speaker:chin towards the crease.
Speaker:Even though I'm dealing with a swirl of
Speaker:feelings in this moment, I still love and accept myself.
Speaker:So that's where I'm landing with this one.
Speaker:And then you move to tap beneath one of your collarbones.
Speaker:Sometimes I do both at the same time with both hands underneath one of the
Speaker:collarbones,
Speaker:but you're finding that notch just beneath the inside edge of your
Speaker:collarbone,
Speaker:right in the center there of your collarbone on either side.
Speaker:Even though I am dealing with a lot of feelings today,
Speaker:I still completely love and accept myself and the decision that I made. Ooh,
Speaker:it just moved again.
Speaker:And now we take our hand and we tap underneath one armpit.
Speaker:So this is the final tap and the sequence,
Speaker:and this is about four inches below your armpit. Again, on either side is fine,
Speaker:and you might find it's a little bit tender.
Speaker:So this is the very last place that you're going to tap.
Speaker:Even though this decision was hard for me,
Speaker:I still completely love and accept myself.
Speaker:And you can linger here for as long as you need, but when you're ready,
Speaker:let the tapping cease.
Speaker:And now you just stop and reassess how you feel about the same
Speaker:issue, about the same feeling, remeasure it.
Speaker:If it began at a certain number, maybe
Speaker:on a scale of zero to 10 of how bad it felt I was at a seven,
Speaker:maybe I'm at a six now. Maybe I'm at a five, maybe I'm at a three.
Speaker:But just notice what is here. And if it didn't lower at all,
Speaker:that's completely fine.
Speaker:It's really normal to need to go through this process two or three times.
Speaker:Normally I tap for about that long, maybe two to three minutes.
Speaker:If it's really something that stuck for me, I might tap for about five minutes.
Speaker:If you need a little refresher on these points,
Speaker:you can definitely go ahead and just look up EFT tapping.
Speaker:There's a lot of places where they list these points.
Speaker:And what I find with tapping, especially for us sensitives,
Speaker:is that it really brings us back into our bodies.
Speaker:And a lot of what happens when we start to feel really guilty about the
Speaker:boundaries that we're setting is that we're actually lifting up and out of our
Speaker:bodies. We're not inside of ourselves anymore.
Speaker:We're getting caught up in other people's feelings,
Speaker:worrying about the way other people are in this world, what they need,
Speaker:what they're thinking.
Speaker:And so tapping really brings us back into our center and from there we can
Speaker:really encounter the feeling and allow it to dissolve.
Speaker:So this is one of my absolute favorite tools for this,
Speaker:and I hope it's helpful for you as we step into this month of
Speaker:really bringing a bit more of that protection energy online,
Speaker:of reminding ourselves that it's completely normal, natural,
Speaker:and needed to set boundaries so that we can create in the ways we want to
Speaker:create. We can relate in the ways we want to relate and that we can allow our
Speaker:life force to be something that is feeding us, not just feeding other people.
Speaker:So as we move even deeper into this month,
Speaker:may you be supported in all of the tender new things you are tending
Speaker:to right now, all of the things you are growing and pouring your energy into.
Speaker:May you remember that you deserve this kind of boundaries,
Speaker:these kinds of boundaries of love and protection and healing,
Speaker:and may you also remember that most important thing of all,
Speaker:why you're here.
