Abigail Wald breaks the “mommy code” and gets raw about the minefield of parenthood. She reveals how getting brutally honest about her struggles as a mother encouraged other women to share their unconventional truths, and how those transparent conversations developed into a global community.

Mother Flipping Awesome helps thousands of women and men get real, hit the “reset” button on their parenting journeys, and navigate the challenges and celebrate the joys of raising kids.

We discuss the necessity of getting out of the parenting vacuum of “having the same experiences alone,” and into a community where you can share all your stories honestly and acknowledge feelings and thoughts you’ve been told are taboo. Abigail insists that giving yourself permission to express your full human experience as a parent enables you to feel the depth of the love you have for your children.

She leads with a central philosophy that parenting isn’t just about raising kids. It’s an invitation to step into your own leadership. Claiming the unique parenting style that aligns with your values and with the needs of your child, she says, is the key to creating a harmonious “mini society” that is your family.

TESS’S TAKEAWAYS:

• A family is a mini society.
• Being a mother is a complex journey with distinct phases.
• Parenthood is an invitation to rise into your own leadership.
• Allow your parenting style to align with your values.
• Understand and respect each child's particular needs.
• Your child is an individual, not an extension of you.
• Find a community that catches and supports your experience.
• Harness your anger as a marker of your values and an instrument for change.

MEET ABIGAIL WALD

While raising her children, Abigail Wald maintained a successful voiceover career, and created the Yes Bar out of her home kitchen. While navigating her son’s medical condition, she joined parenting groups hoping to hear other moms tell it like it is—and instead she got sanitized stories that didn’t match her experience. And it turned out that those stories, telling only one side of parenthood, ignored a lot of people’s experience.

While parenting fills our hearts with more love than we thought possible, and gives our lives purpose and meaning, it also messes with our minds, bodies, sleep, relationships, careers, identities, priorities and even our sanity. So Abigail established the Mother Flipping Awesome community as a space for mothers and fathers to share no-holds-barred accounts of real-life parenting.

The community, with Abigail and her team as coaches, helps parents press “reset” on their parenting lives, cleaning up one sticky, gooey corner at a time.

CONNECT WITH ABIGAIL

Website: https://abigailwald.com/

Parenting Blog: https://abigailwald.com/blog/

Strong-Willed Kids Class: abigailwald.com/kids

Tweens and Teens Class: abigailwald.com/teens

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/motherflippingawesome/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@motherflippingawesome

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/abigail-wald-77413837/

Meet Tess Masters:  

Tess Masters is an actor, presenter, health coach, cook, and author of The Blender Girl, The Blender Girl Smoothies, and The Perfect Blend, published by Penguin Random House. She is also the creator of The Decadent Detox® and Skinny60® health programs.     

Health tips and recipes by Tess have been featured in the LA Times, Washington Post, InStyle, Prevention, Shape, Glamour, Real Simple, Yoga Journal, Yahoo Health, Hallmark Channel, The Today Show, and many others.   

Tess’s magnetic personality, infectious enthusiasm, and down-to-earth approach have made her a go-to personality for people of all dietary stripes who share her conviction that healthy living can be easy and fun. Get delicious recipes at TheBlenderGirl.com.  

Connect With Tess: 

Website: https://tessmasters.com/  

Podcast Website: https://ithastobeme.com/   

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theblendergirl/  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theblendergirl/  

Twitter: https://twitter.com/theblendergirl  

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/theblendergirl  

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tessmasters/  

Get Healthy With Tess 

Skinny60®: https://www.skinny60.com/  

Join the 60-Day Reset: https://www.skinny60.com/60-day-reset/ 

The Decadent Detox®: https://www.thedecadentdetox.com/  

Join the 14-Day Cleanse: https://www.thedecadentdetox.com/14-day-guided-cleanses/ 

The Blender Girl: https://www.theblendergirl.com/  

Thanks for listening!  

If you enjoyed this conversation and think others would benefit from listening, share this episode. And, please post your comments or questions below. I’d love to hear what you think.  

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So back in 2010 when I was living in LA, I did an amazing voice over promo class. It was an eight week class, and I met Abigail Wald, and she and I became fast friends, and I have watched her do some extraordinary things over the last 15 years, everything from be an amazing voice actor to starting a food company out of her kitchen, the yes bar, if you've had one, they're delicious. To creating the mother, flipping awesome community. And when it came time to do the beta group for my skinny 60 program, I invited 60 people to participate, and I just knew that Abigail had to be one of them, because not only was she going to show up and be really present and participate fully, but she was going to give me really honest feedback about the experience, and she was also going to hold space for others in a really respectful way. That's one of her superpowers. So years later, she returned to skinny 60, and she and I started talking about the experience, and I got a little bit of a peek into her mother, flipping awesome community, and we realize that they were mirror communities the way that she supports parents in helping their families to be more harmonious and be able to hold their reality, their ecosystem, their community, and be fully present in their experience. Whatever that looks like. It's very similar to the way that we hold the container for participants of our program, and the more I entered her world, the more I just fell in love with it. So I just had to have her on the podcast so you can get a little bit of a taste of the way that she supports parents. She's got some fantastic wisdom to share. So let's get the skinny from Abigail Wald, oh, Abigail, I am so excited to be here with you to have this conversation. You know, I was just saying a minute ago, ah, the day I met you was such a a great turning point in my life, and it's just been so thrilling to watch you claim the different parts of yourself, and one of the things I admire the most about you is that you are so clear about who you are and what your offering is in any relationship, any interaction with anybody. So listener, I'm so excited that you can curl up with us today and and hear the two of us have this conversation. Now I don't normally do this, but I normally just sort of introduce somebody the way that I see them. But today I'm actually going to read something to you that I grabbed from from Abigail's website, because it does the most incredible job of explaining who she is and what she does in the world better than I ever could so here goes, Abigail. Do not judge me. Fellow voice actor, Abigail Wald helps parents press reset on their parenting lives, cleaning up one sticky, gooey corner at a time, because while parenting fills our hearts with more love than we ever thought possible, and gives our lives a deep sense of purpose and meaning. It also messes with our mind, body, sleep, relationships, career, identity, priorities, and sometimes even our sanity. If you need a reset, visit mother. Flippin awesome.com. Forward slash reset and get parenting support that feels as good to you as it does to your kid. Did I do? Okay, mommy, but I just feel like, Oh, thank you for how you are showing up and thank you for claiming this part of yourself. I'm really excited for you, for people to hear what you have to say today.

Thank you. Thank you for this opportunity. I am so excited. I love this whole concept of it has to be me, because I think it's, it's so clearly connected to, I think one of the very first problems parents face, and that we all face in our lives, is like, why am I here? Why have I brought someone else into this world? What is my job? And like, what what has to be me? And I think there's no better lens to look at for just being a human and coming into ourselves, let alone raising another human, it's just such a it's such a good question.

Well, you always ask so many interesting questions whenever you're with anyone. I mean, I don't know about you, but that's a red flag for me when I meet someone and they don't ask me one question, and you just constantly ask questions of yourself and others, and that's how we get to the juice. So I want to ask you some questions today.

So I know, I know it's great.

So you think of your life in two distinct phases, yeah,

so tell me about that. I. Yeah, for me very much. It's before children and after children. There's no question. And you know, I think not necessarily everybody feels that way who has kids, but I think I know there are parents listening today who are nodding their heads thinking, yeah, yeah, there's, there's the person I was before, who really, it was like, you know, it was like, I was in the book of my life, having all these different experiences, you know, and and then all of a sudden, becoming a parent. And I think for me, very particularly, the way that I became a parent, because my first born had a lot of really big medical issues and had a condition at birth that the doctors called incompatible with life, and thank God today, he is a thriving, healthy 17 year old, but his medical stuff has been part of our lives and will continue to be part of his life, our lives. And it was the first time that i i so clearly understood. And I remember during the pregnancy thinking, like, oh my gosh, like, this is such an intense thing for us to go through. And then at some point realizing, Wait a minute, this is his story. Like, this is his life, like I'm a player in his book, and that sense of just that voom of like, just a totally different perspective on life, and it's just it changed everything.

So tell me more about that. It has to be me moment when you were scared to death, didn't know how you were going to navigate this. Take me inside of that a bit more.

Yeah, I think, you know, it's interesting, because I think so many parents feel this. And again, each of us comes to this experience from our own sensitivities, right? Whether you're trying to get away from trauma of your own childhood, or trying to recreate a gorgeous life or, you know, suddenly you've got all these kids that you thought would get along great, but now they're fighting all the time like, you know, parenting pits your your greatest desires against your gnarliest realities, right? And all of a sudden, the dream, it's like the rubber ducky hits the road, and you, you have to suddenly make sense of why your everyday isn't living up to the life you thought it would or could. It would, or thought it would or could. And so all of a sudden, that really forces you into this place. And I think again, because for us, one of those things is like, you know, is he going to make it? Are we going to be able to do this? Are we equipped for this ride and having to rise up to be the parent he needed us to be, both my husband and me and and then just it was so clear, you know, I think something we don't talk about with parenting is like, you're literally responsible for another human's life, like their emotional well being, their medical well being, their financial, their nutritional, their everything and, and, you know, it's like, oh, you're having a baby, or, you know, you're adopting, or, Oh, that's so great. And it's like, actually, this is a 24/7 job with stakes that are, like, unimaginable, yeah, and we don't talk about it. And so the thing was, for me, I kept needing help because a crucible. Was hot. And it wasn't just like, oh, everything went easily. And then, yeah, cool, yeah. It's so sweet. It's like, it was like, Oh my god. It all just felt so real, so epic. And and then it was like, Well, how do you have a marriage on top of that, and how do you care for yourself? And other things that so many parents are dealing with. But for me, they felt so intense, and I kept looking for help, and everywhere I'd go, it was like the answers were too simple for such a complex problem.

Tell me more about that. Tell me more about what you were not getting in the places where you were looking for support and answers and what you were rubbing up against.

Yeah, okay, this brings up two very particular memories, both very painful. One of them kind of funny, but, but my first moment of pain, so there were a number of them, but, like, there would be these moments where all of a sudden I would feel like, wow, my story feels so different. Like I'd be looking around at a room of you know, whether it was pregnant. Women about to give birth, and I'm trying to figure out, like, which Nick You were going to be in, and who's the best surgeon. You know, it was just like, it felt so different and so alone. And then, after I had two children, I decided to take a parenting class. And it wasn't my first rodeo. I tried several times, and I took this parenting class, and she was talking all about, you know, regulating your emotions and all the things you needed to give your children. And I remember raising my hand in this small group, and I said, But what about if I'm feeling rage? And I remember she looked at me like, you didn't just broke the mommy code, yeah? And I was like, No, seriously. Like, what if it's taking hours to go to bed, and I'm starting to lose my patience, and I know what they need, but I need to be done. Yeah. And she was like, Oh, well, sounds like you need help. And I was like, that's why I'm here, yeah. And I just, I was like, oh. And I felt so gut punched and like something was so clearly wrong with me that I couldn't just spend hours putting my kids to bed and just feel delightful about it, like, I mean, I loved my kids, but I was like, I'm gonna die if I have to spend another minute doing this. That was the feeling. Was like, like, you don't understand there's so little of me, and I have nothing left, and I can't be this person I'm supposed to be for you anymore. And I couldn't understand why nobody was talking about that.

And everybody else in the group just sat there, and nobody said, I feel like that. Sometimes too silence.

Everybody just stared at me, and I was like, okay, we can go on. And I just sat there. And then for weeks after, my husband kept saying to me, you know, every time, like six o'clock would roll around, he'd be like, it's time to go to angry mommy class now, because I would

get so what was the second thing? So, okay, so

the second moment was, um, I just remember thinking, like, is nobody else having all these big feelings about parenting? Like, is anybody else's child? Like, trying to headbutt them to the point where they're bleeding? Or like, like, is anybody else, like, you know, wondering about their marriage and thinking like they should have just decided to become a paratrooper. Like, does anybody have these I just like, I don't know, I was like, Is it just me? You know, that was my question. Is it just me?

Okay? So, so take me into the this. It has to be me moment where you went. That's the kind of support that you are craving and desperately needing is not out there. And so instead of crawling up in a ball, you went, it has to be me to build it and create it and start getting up there and telling more of the truths.

Yes. Well, I, I was reading a lot about parenting at the time, and one, I read one essay that a woman had written about how having her child felt like having a limb cut off. And I was like, Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean. Well, that's crazy. I can't believe I just said that. But she was like, it just feels like I'm going through the day and there's like parts of me missing, and yet I've got to do more with less. And I was like, I totally understand. And I was like, thank you. And so I had this moment of like, Oh, it feels really good for somebody to, you know, be honest about this experience and say something that's kind of like, really gnarly, you know, but I knew what she meant. And, and then there was this other story in, I don't remember, but it was like a big paper, like, whether it was a San Francisco Chronicle, New York Times, it was like something, and it was a story about, like a woman saying, Today is the day I'm finally going to tell the truth about parenthood and what it can feel like when we get mad, and she tells us. And I was like, Oh, thank you. This story. And she tells this whole story about how she got upset, and at one point her son asked for crayons, and instead of handing them sweetly, she threw them down the stairs. And I was like, and she getting goes on to talk about how this is the most embarrassing moment of her life. She can't believe she's going to write this and admit that this is the kind of parent she is and that like she had this hard moment. And I thought, really, because it's not like I'm I'm not an abusive parent govern I'm not screaming at my kids, but like, I've had harder moments than, like, throwing crayons. Do you know what I mean? Like, like, I've had moments where I'm literally questioning my existence, where I'm like, white knuckling it on what feels like a rock face, thinking, How do I climb? I'm up here, like, can we talk about that? So what? I'm

so sorry. I just have to interject you, because I got so many thoughts spinning around in my head. The word that keeps coming up for me as you're talking is permission, like, we go back. You broke the mummy code. If you, if you talk about the realities of all the gamut of emotions. You're only allowed to experience these emotions, joy, pure love, unconditional, blah, blah, blah, you know, but it's all the things, and you continue to have a human experience, even after you are a parent and you just put another hat into the mix, right? And you gotta juggle it all. So what was it in you that when it has to be me to give myself permission to admit that I am feeling all the things, and I want to give other parents permission to do the same, and I'm going to hold this space of absolute honesty about this experience, whatever it looks like.

Such a good question. I love that you said the word permission. It's so accurate. And to be clear, I had all of the love and all of the joy I just not being able to be all of me was actually attacking the love and the joy, because I couldn't be, I couldn't feel all the love and the joy, because I was only supposed to feel love and joy. And I'm not. I'm I'm a bit of a rebel. So when you tell me, I can only look to my left, I'm like, why? What's on the right? Right? And so I'm also someone who's just a deep truth teller. I can't lie. And so,

yeah, you and I have that in common. That's why we're friends.

I can't lie, I can't I'm like,

and it gets us into trouble, right?

But I can't do it. And so I was sitting there for a while, and it felt like I was sitting on my hands, and I was like, I'm just going to say it and see if anybody else has this experience. And I remembered how it freed me to read that mother's experience, and I remember how it stymied me and shamed me to read that other mother's experience. And I thought, we need more people talking. It needs to feel honest, because this is how we get to the love, not because we need more people complaining, but we need to be honest so we can feel the depth of the love. And that was when I was like, I'm gonna just start talking. So I started, you know, a podcast. I started, I went to a preschool, and I was like, I'd like to give a talk. And I started training. Also, I was very lucky that I did finally find some parenting resources hand in hand, one of them, um, that that actually did teach me to tell my truth, and they caught me in my truth, and I started to feel how powerful that was, and that there's this whole movement that needed to happen of being able to be honest, and my honesty knew no bounds, So I needed to get it out there, and so I started. I went to this preschool. I offered 20 parents a spot in this program. 16 parents took me up on it, and before I knew it, about leading parents, and I never looked back. I mean, it's been over 10 years now, and it's been the most extraordinary experience, and I have found that I am so not alone,

so not alone. I loved what you said before about they caught me in my truth. They caught me in my experience. Oh, I love that image of being caught, being held, being accountable, being loved. I mean, I, I think that's what you do so well, so many things so beautifully in your community. But catching, catching it, you know, I, you know, you know, when you're in relationship, there's this, it's like there's a ball between you, and you throw the ball, you catch it, and then you put out your offer, and then you catch it, you know. And we don't drop the ball, the ball remains in play, you know. And we get to, we get to throw it the way we want to throw it and receive it and catch it. I really love that image. So when you created this community, and you really listen to that, it has to be me moment. I want to hear a little bit about how it evolved and developed, and how you were facilitating this community and catching the. Truths of others, while throwing out your own truth and how the community has evolved and become what it is today. I just want to get inside of that a little bit, because it's one thing to say, well, I'm going to start telling the truth and encourage other people to tell the truth, but the way that we hold that is very delicate, you know, with the care and respect, and the container that we put it in is quite particular in this, in this circle, well, in any circumstance, but particularly in this how, what? What is that catch and release for you, like in the community? So interesting

that you asked that. And again, the word do you use container is a word that we use very often in our community. So I started teaching in person, and then I quickly started teaching online, well before the pandemic, because I realized that I wanted, part of my mission was to reach parents worldwide that that we were all globally engaged in the same secret life, all alone, and that actually he needed to stop being alone, and we needed to connect, because we were all literally holding the future of the world in each of our collective arms, in individual

and huge responsibility.

It's a huge responsibility, and to be able to go like, Hey, hi, do you feel this way? Do you feel this way? Do you feel back? You know, I do. I do. I do exactly. And then the thing was, well, I didn't want this to be a space where we're just, you know, bitching about it. I wanted it to be a space where we're actually creating change and rising up because, because, like I said, I love parenting. Parenting is the most incredible spiritual journey I have personally, ever been invited to it is, it has been a remarkable thing for me. And I wasn't even someone who necessarily always knew I wanted to be a parent. I really didn't. I think I always knew I would be a parent, but I wasn't somebody was like, Oh, I just love kids. Like, like, I just, I knew there was something that was really important to me about this concept. I remember as a child looking at my mother and thinking like, gosh, she needs support. And thinking as a child like, this is a really big job I'm doing growing up. And like, where are we holding that in society? Do you know what I mean? Like, what are we doing? And so container is really what we do. We help parents, help children, and we help everyone climb that mountain. And everybody has different places where they need support. And so what we realized, very quickly, is that what I realized, because it was really just me running this for many, many, many years. And now I have parents who have gone through my program like, and if somebody goes through my program like three times, ultimately I'm like, do you want to work here and help? And then they do. And so now we have like, five or six people who help support in different ways, right? And people

and help people enjoy. When you're in on top of the mountain and you're some anywhere, anywhere else on the mountain, we're

like the Marines of parenting. It's like, enjoy, you know, enjoy the sock. Like, learn how to love it, because, yeah, it means something. And it's a gorgeous, gorgeous invitation to your life. And these are parents years too. Like, I don't think parenting should be just about childhood. I think it's also about your middle years of your life. Like this. Isn't a time where it's only about your kids, but it is a time where you learn servitude and you learn how to rise into your own leadership. And so very quickly I realized, like, okay, there's certain things we're going to be doing. We're going to be teaching leadership. We're going to be teaching actual skills with actual kids. We're going to be teaching for kids who are different, whether they're neurodivergent, highly sensitive on the spectrum, ADHD, you know, or just strong willed, because those are the kids who really take parents to their brink, right? And also helping parents who may have trauma from their own childhood or trauma from a birth or whatever is going on, or maybe they're the relationship, you know, maybe they're going through divorce, and they never experienced a plan to experience that. And so anything that makes parenthood story a little bit more intense, a little bit more epic, you know, if you have a very simple entry into parenthood with really simple kids, and you've got a lot of support in your life, maybe you're not feeling so much of that need. But most of us come in having at least one hole, and some. Of us have many holes, and we're here to be that net, to catch you, to say, wherever your holes are, we are your net. And we teach you how to get up this mountain. We will carry you all the way to the top right, and then you can carry others. Yeah,

I want to ask you about something that this thread that I want to pull on a little bit, because it's really of interest to me. You talked before about helping parents step into leadership. And stepping into leadership comes more easily to some than it does to others, depending on how you were parented, and the people that have been role models in your life, and what you have been given permission to do in your life, and what you feel you have permission to do, or what society celebrates about you or doesn't. And I think that's different for men and women, and certain men and certain women, not to even tie it to gender, but our sense of identity and whether we are leaders or not, and we are all leaders, we are all followers, we all have a voice. We all have something to say, and we all have something to contribute that is of value. So what has been your experience in your community around that part of different people claiming the leadership responsibility that comes with being a parent.

I think it's a huge place that parents deserve what we call in our community a reset. Okay? So it's like parenting is really challenging for many reasons. One of the top reasons is that sense of leadership. So it's very, very difficult. You know? It's almost like you become a mom, and it feels like you're you're stepping away. You're stepping out. It's very private, do you know? And it's like you sometimes you're losing your friends who may not have kids yet, or you're stepping down out of work. You it feels like sometimes a demotion, but then also a promotion. Yes, yeah. And so it's like this very complicated world that then you're sort of invited into. But then again, it's very private, because maybe you go to the Mommy and Me classes or the Daddy and Me classes, but really, it's all really happening in the confines of your home. And because of how we live today, where we're not living in large communities, we're mostly living in private, little, single homes. 90 plus percent of your life is played out in these quiet four walls, yes, and so it's very hard to feel like a leader when you're still learning and you don't even know what you're doing and other people aren't sharing their truth with you, you're not seeing what it looks like inside other people's four walls, right? So you're trying to lead in a vacuum, and you're leading by like reading a book or listening to a podcast or understanding best practices. But those best practices might not have anything to do with the specifics of your life. So now you've got a woman who is often looked at differently. Let's say she's suddenly a mom, and suddenly people don't even call you by your name. People start calling you mommy all the time. You're just like this vessel that just helps other people, do you know? And all of a sudden your kid is taking like center focus, and it's very destabilizing, personally. So it's hard for you to step into leadership, because A, you don't have the mentorship. B, you don't have the community. C, you're kind of going out of your mind, stuck in your own four walls. D, you you may not have it written in your own DNA, from your own genetic background, like it may not be in your body. What does leadership here look like? It may not have been handed to you, and then, if you're a dad, it may not be expected of you in the same way, or it may be weird if all of a sudden you're seeing your leadership in your family instead of at work. You know it's like, it's just odd. We don't, we don't this most important job we're all supposed to somehow do quietly and do it really well without any training, without any training, yeah, and,

and a lot of people tend to parent the way they were parented, because that's the only example that they have that they can sort of tie, you know, tether themselves to, yeah. So what are some of the big ways that you see parents struggling? You know? What? What are the the biggest things? Let's get some tangible strategies from you for listener so listening to Abigail, going, Yeah, that's me. That's me. I could relate to all of this. I want to get some tangible strategies here from you. Yeah,

and I think this is the thing, like parents, I just want you to know. I know you deeply love your kids, and you may also be struggling. These two truths are not a problem to live together. They can. They can. It doesn't make you a bad parent, okay? It just makes you a real human and and I think also to say, if it feels harder for you, I want you to stop feeling gaslit by the world. I want you to know that if it feels harder for you, it genuinely probably is, and it's usually one of these five places where parents struggle and need a reset. Okay, so the very first place is, like, what you just talked about. So maybe you have a strong imprint from your own childhood, and maybe that's a bad imprint, quote, unquote. It's like, I want to parent really differently than how I was parented. Maybe it's a really positive imprint, like my parents did the most perfect job in the world, and I want to do the same thing. Neither one of those ways can get you into trouble, because we have something that I call a silent promise, and I'll explain what that is in a moment. But when I say that to you, that like when a person either in their own childhood or even as a parent, when they first have a child, or think about having a child, or the first time they hold their child that they make a silent promise they're not even aware of. Like, does that mean anything to you? Like? Can you imagine what that might be at all, this idea of like, a silent promise, and I can, I can elaborate on it, if not, it's like, this idea that like, like, I promise my child I will not, you know, whatever it was you grew up with be an alcoholic or hit you or scream or let your brother beat up on you, or whatever those things were that you're trying to get away from. Or it can be a silent promise of, I love how my parents brought us up. I love that my parents stayed together. I promise I will always stay married. How can you promise that?

Well, what I'm what's coming up for me, as you're saying these things, is it's just one simple sentence of, I promise that I will be the perfect parent who never makes one single mistake, yeah, and then it's just not possible, because we're all humans who are going to make mistakes and keep learning and growing. So the pressure of OH, and the magnitude of that responsibility can lead us into places where we put these completely unrealistic expectations on ourselves, where we're constantly disappointed about who we are and how we've been able to show up today Absolutely,

or who our spouse is, or who our ex is, or who our school is, or who our kid is, because sometimes we wind up thinking, and I'm just going To say this, it's like, again, I'm breaking the mommy code, but sometimes we think I'm doing this right. It's my kid who won't let me be the right parent. My kid being difficult. I'm doing I'm giving my kid everything, and it's my kids temperament or habits or behavior, that's the problem. And the reality is, parenting is a relationship between two humans. It's a relationship. And so that's the other place that we need to reset, is understanding that we have to have a whole new relationship to relationship, right? Tell me about that relationship, to your ex, to your partner, to your spouse, to your schools, to your doctors, to your kid, you have to learn that you are literally one piece of this puzzle, and that there can be more than one truth, and that actually the only way you win is if we both win. The only way we win is if I can get humble enough to make space for your truth to be right, to see the rightness in maybe the wrongness of your behavior, to understand that you are complete and whole and perfect as you are, and if I see things differently, I can still allow myself to be right in my wrongness. There is a rightness and there's a truth. And I have to find the Venn diagram where we both win, where I don't win at your expense and you don't win at mine. It's

hard to navigate that space, though, right? Because that is a space that is negotiated between two people, and when there's a power imbalance, and you've got a parent and a very young child, you know, and you can, you can correct me about this, if I'm going down the wrong the wrong rabbit. Hole here, but this idea that your child is an appendage of you, right? It's part of you because it came from you, which is a true, a truth, but they're their own unique being. And so figuring out how to be in relationship with this whole person who's young and is still learning and growing and developing and changing every single day, you know, and so are you. I mean that that is, that is the the the opportunity. We think of it as a challenge and a dilemma or a disaster or a crisis, but it's actually an opportunity. Let me get to know you better today,

exactly, exactly. And we have, it's that, that voom I was talking about in the very opening, where it's like, it's actually when you realize, like, my 10 month old has an opinion. They may right, but they have an opinion, they have a temperament, they have a personality, they have things they want and don't want, and just because I want to get them in the car seat right now, the fact that they don't they're not wanting to go in the car seat is equally as valid. Now, if I've got to get on a flight, and they don't know that, but I need to get them in the car seat because we got to get to a plane, then it's okay for me to have to put them in to the car seat, because I understand a context that I can't yet necessarily fully communicate. But if I can understand that on a person to person level, their unwillingness to get in the car seat matters. It's not just an inconvenience. They're not being difficult. They have a real and present feeling that deserves honor and care, and we've got to make it to the goddamn airport

totally. And you know, you hear this all the time. People go, I don't know where this kid came from. I mean, this is this kid is nothing like us. We don't do this in our family. This kid is a unicorn. So you know, when you give birth to a unicorn that that feels like they were dropped in in the in a basket on the doorstep, and it's just absolutely nothing like anyone else in the family. What do you do with that? I

might be uniquely qualified to answer this. My first son was my unicorn, and I remember holding him immediately after birth and thinking like he felt like stardust. He felt like The Little Prince, like he didn't look like me. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, right? Did that come from? Are you sure? And like, he had the same medical condition we were expecting, and he did just come out of me, so I knew it was him, but I was like, wow, really. Okay, nice to meet you. And he has continued to surprise me at every turn, and the more I've gotten to know him, he's 17 now, and you know, I have the great honor of being through so many different areas of growth with my kids, who are now 15 and 17, and I can see all the Ways in which, actually, we are so similar as well,

yeah, and it can be both, as you keep saying,

and we are so different. And so I've had to learn his language and learn that he truly is another human. And, you know, he is a very strong willed kid. And it's funny, I actually had him on my podcast once, and I said, so I'm gonna ask you, like, do you, do you think you're strong willed? And he goes, Uh, I think I might be the most strong willed kid that ever existed, yeah? Oh,

love it. He's you, yeah, it's so funny.

And, and so, you know he's strong willed. And I know I'm strong willed, right? And, and so us raising each other, it's been a lot for both of us, I think. And, yeah, and really learning, like, what does that mean? Like, like, what does it mean when I have a vision? What does it mean when you have a vision, and strong willed children, in particular, they require a whole other different kind of parenting. It's you cannot parent strong willed children the way you parent kids who are not strong willed. You can't different rules. Like, literally, it's like, it's like, you couldn't, you know, like, have an orchid and give it the same amount of food as you give another plant like it's just it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It actually has different needs and so strong will kids are different.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Where's another place where where parents

get into trouble, another place where parents get into. Trouble is like resetting their own self worth, so feeling undervalued, feeling alone, feeling gaslit like everybody else has it easier. Nobody else has these thoughts. You know, I used to go to the dentist and she would be like, I'll get you out of here in just a moment. And I was like, no, no, take. Maybe I need another filling. Like

with a dentist, he's respite for you. We know we're in trouble.

You know, there is a persistent mother fantasy. This is, I used to have this, and I didn't know this is actually a thing in the literature where mothers will fantasize about, God forbid, and nobody actually means this or wants this, but actually have recurrent fantasies about having a car accident just so they can be in a hospital and recuperate.

That comes up in your community, does it? Oh no, it's a thing.

It comes up in like, parental literature for people mental health, wow, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, so, let's talk about the stress of this job. Really,

yeah, yeah.

Oh my god, right. So yeah. So that you know, society, we have a problem in society with raising kids, and it's not just our kids. It's, it's society, it's, it's how society views our job, undermines our job. We saw this in the pandemic, like all of a sudden parents were supposed to be able to work from home with no school, no daycare, no help and somehow feed our children, clothe our children, educate our children, raise our children, morally, spiritually, intellectually, while still doing our job from home and somehow we were supposed to still do this As if this other thing weren't a full time job. Yeah, right. We see this in how poorly we pay teachers, how poorly underpaid

profession, right,

how poorly we care for parents in our society, especially in American society, right? But, but globally, this is a problem. So, you know, parents are fighting this fight, just like we're fighting the fight of cell phones and and screen time, and every parent is trying to get all the screen rules on their iPad and learn all the different ways. The reality is, this is a societal problem, and you cannot fight the societal problem alone. So yes, you can get your screen time guides and do all the things and teach your kids about all the dangers online and the iPad. And yes, we need to do that. But actually, there's a much bigger societal issue going on about our relationship to these things and our ability to be, you know, out in nature and, you know, in community, and have real interface with human beings, like there are so many other issues, and so actually this problem, that's why we need a community to solve it. That's why we have to create a community for parents to be able to solve this issue. Because you cannot solve this issue alone in your own house. You cannot. You cannot. Yeah, this

is coming up a lot with what we've been talking about today, this idea of that it takes a village to raise a child, that old adage, right, but that you are not supposed to be parenting alone. In fact, it can be dangerous to your mental health, and do a lot of other things, you know, and admitting that you need help does not make you weak, does not make you less than it actually is. This is a very loving thing to do, to find community in any circumstance, but in this circumstance, you know, you creating this container and this community to feed and nourish people and be able to for them, to be able to see themselves, make sense of themselves, and also shine a light and help others. We're all leaders. We're all following in different circumstances, and being able to just speak openly about what's going on and then be able to collectively find solutions. So yeah, I want to hear a little bit more about how that plays out in your community, this idea of collective knowing, collective holding, collective parenting, collective understanding, how does that practically play out in Your community? Absolutely

okay. So what we do is we do this concept of a reset. So once a month, we'll do a public, live reset on a particular issue, right? So maybe, you know, we're going to reset potty training. We're going to reset, you know, the teen years. We're going to reset, you know, a. Whatever different issue is that a parent is dealing with, right? So you have

two different tracks in your community, right? So if your child is a teenager, it got, you know, you're all sitting there with with other parents of teenagers, right? And then if you've got younger children, that's that different community. Is that? Right? Yeah,

yes, exactly. So. So we do these public live resets once a month, and then we have two deep courses. So one course is for kids that are like, like two to 12, right? For parents of kids two to 12, and the other course is for parents of kids who are in the teenage years. So that can be, you know, some kids enter into adolescence, very hard when they're nine, and some kids wait till they're 13. So whenever you feel your child is entering into adolescence, but you know we say loosely, like 12 to 18, alright? And so, so parents can choose, do they want to do the teen course, or do they want to do the younger course? The teen course is three months long. The younger kids course is six months long, and then we reset every icky, sticky, ooey, gooey, screamy corner of your life in regards to parenting. So you know, we reset your experience of your own childhood, your relationship with your spouse or your ex, your relationship with the kids teachers. You know how you handle medical issues, how you help your child deal with anxiety, strong, well, chores, bedtime, just literally every corner of your parenting existence, or for teenagers, substances, again, anxiety, mental health, life skills, What is our job when they're teenagers, setting limits, dealing with, you know, all of the defiance that happens during those years. I

mean, there's so many things. And is it men and women, mothers and fathers? Is it couples together in this community, you know, navigating this journey together? I'm sure it's single parents to it. It's all of the above. And how does that dynamic play out, you know, with different parents having very different ideas of what is right or acceptable or you mean, gosh, that must be a that must that must be a pool of of I have that's coming up for me. I

have, I so it's, it's incredible. Actually, I love that you're asking this question. So one of the things that's so amazing is that we are because we tell the truth and because we come fundamentally believing every parent is doing their best job, and whatever your right answer is, is your right answer for your family. You know your family, and we know how to help you reset to get closer to your values. So you're living your values. Okay? So you're leaving the legacy you want to leave, but we don't define your values. So one of the things that that means is because we're always in this Win Win place where we're helping people understand how to be their very best selves, and how to raise kids and how to understand separation is actually key to genuine connection. What that actually means is that we get to be that in our own communities. So I have had parents where we'll run in cohorts of, like, 10 families at a time and and sometimes we run different numbers, but usually it's 10 families at a time. And I've had cohorts where I've got, you know, very super, right, Christian families in the same cohort as a lesbian couple in the same cohort as, yeah, you know, single parents of color, like, it's just, it's so beautiful watching these families who might not be able to be non judgmental of each other in other places, come together and be like, Wow, I'm actually Getting to go beyond the optics and climb into your life and see that we are mirrors of each other. Yes, and so we often say we create in our world. At mother, flipping awesome, we're actually creating a microcosm of the world we want to live in, and it we're creating societal change, because a family is just a tiny little mini society. And when you create a family of families, you create a community. And if we could all learn how to do this, we just war would be no more, right? Yeah, this is, this is what we need. But it starts with little it starts in our own families. We can be in at war, in our own family, and this is where we heal. It, right, and, and so it's, it's gorgeous. It's been gorgeous. Yeah. And

how does holding this container influence your parenting? How does, how does, how do the wars in other inside other people's four walls, as you put it, shine a light or help you see more clearly what's going on in your four walls.

Wow, surprisingly emotional question. I wouldn't have been able to be the parent I wanted to be

without the parents who've told their truth to me, trusted me, allowed me to help lead them, because every time I lead them, I'm learning myself. I show up very real in my community. When I'm struggling in my family, I tell the truth, and I've never been judged. I've never been judged my my community catches me as I am. I catch them as they are. We are the world we want to live in. And to watch it happen over and over and over again. It is nothing short of unbelievably inspiring, and I am held accountable to these processes that we've built that help parents. We have a very step by step system that we take parents through to clean up. It's like we're like the Marie Kondo of parenting. So it's like, you like, clean up every nook and cranny, every drawer. And so every six months, I'm taking parents through this whole process. I'm doing it for myself too. I'm like And at every age, because every time I run this program, my children are a new age, so I'm learning new things, and so they hold me accountable to the principles that I've learned from myself and my and other families that have told their truth to me. So when I'm teaching, I'm teaching not just from my world. I'm teaching from my world and the hundreds and 1000s of parents I've now led up this mountain to go. Listen, I like to go up to this mountain this way, but I knew a family that actually they went this back way. And I know another family, they use ropes like this. I'm just giving you all the different ways that I know, and then that family gets to choose what they do. And it is a very tender space this work that we do. And so tell

me more about that. What's the most challenging thing for you about holding this container? I

I'm trying to think the most challenging thing for me about holding this container is balancing how to let people know about it on the outside, when the work we do is so private, I don't like to talk about it outside. Yes, it's so private. It's so personal. What happens in these cohorts is so raw and so real and so safe that sometimes I feel like almost every parent has come to us from another parent who's done the program. So all of our parents are the ones who back alley whisper to another parent, hey, you should go there. It changed my life, and I have a hard time sometimes, even though I know that what saved me was, like, talking about it, sometimes it's like, hard for me, even now today, to talk about it, because I still have that layer of like, it's like a speakeasy, like, like, yeah, you know what I mean. And so it's like, yeah, quiet revolution,

yeah. You know, I can really relate to you, because we have the same challenge with skinny 60, where you just can't explain what the experience is like, particularly office hours and the video calls and the intimacy and the love and the connection that is created between that particular group of people in that cohort. You know, it's never going to be exactly the same again, but the container has the same mission, which is love and care and respect. I'm going to meet you where you are today, and let's have a conversation.

And I have a conversation with you in office hours five years ago that I still remember. Yeah, it still affects me. It still affects me. I still ask myself that question sometimes, of like, Am I doing that thing right? Am I doing that thing that Tess asked me? Like, I still hold that that's still one of. Light posts in my life, when I'm like, I need light here. I need to I need to remember something. I need to check in with myself, right? So it to be able to guide each other along the way. To have mentorship. People don't understand the value of mentorship because it's so we don't do this anymore, so incredibly

important.

Yeah, it changes your life. Like, actually, literally forever. Like, yes, it alters you on, like a and

the ripple effects, the ripple effects, as you say, when you hear and you really take something in that has been given to you, and you receive it, and you are still you continue to receive it, and it continues to reverberate in a different way as you change and grow and learn. Look honestly, I could talk to you about this all day long. It was so thrilling to just take a peek inside of your community. You know when you came to me and said, I think our communities are very, very similar, and the container is very similar, and the way that we support people is so similar. And you had obviously been inside, skinny, 60, but I had not been inside the mother, flipping awesome community. So thank you so much for helping me see the way that you are holding space for people. It's been so beautiful just to get a little glimpse inside that obviously I'll never be completely inside of it, but thank you so much for for trusting me to see some of that. You know, I always close the episode with the same thing, which is for somebody listening right now who has a dream in their heart and doesn't feel like they have what it takes to make it happen. What would you say to them?

Okay, I'm gonna give you a weird answer. Maybe there's

no weird answers, just whatever your truth is,

I would say, get in touch with your rage. Ooh, tell

me about that.

I think that when I started to understand why angry mommy class made me so angry, I realized it was that my rage was leading me towards my truth. It was leading me towards what I needed to say, what what was missing I was and the reason I was angry about what was missing was because I have a value around the truth, and I teach parents this, like parents rage at their kids sometimes, and I tell them and the way we heal their rage, because that's one of the things I'm known for, is helping parents who have anger issues like completely they they just lose their rage. It's just gone at the end. And the reason is because I don't tell them like tisk disk tisk, you shouldn't be angry, or that's not how a parent's supposed to be. I say you're angry because you care. You're angry because you love. Your anger is a marker of your values. Now we just have to flip from the shadow side to the positive side. So instead of being angry at angry mommy class, figure out what's the truth you need to say. So if anybody has something that like you're looking for your it has to be me find the places in the world where you're angry, because that will point you towards your value, and then figure out what is it the light that you want to bring that if you brought it, there wouldn't be a need for any more rage, that rage is your motor to find your light.

Oh, see, I don't think that's weird at all. It is so true. You know, my dad has said this to me my whole life, only unhappy people treat other people badly, and so when somebody is butting up against something, it's because they're not being seen or heard and and that's what's coming up for me, as you're as you're saying, you know, find what is what? What you're angry about, get in touch with your rage, because it does absolutely help you see, where you feel there is a disconnect. We are not being seen. We're all where other people are not being seen or heard, and you're it's so true, that is where you find what your calling is, and where you want to be putting your time and energy to help make the world the way that you want it to be. I again, I like to, I love the honesty of that, because it because, look, that's kind of swimming around in me right now. And there's so many places I can go to with that, where I absolutely work in places where I am the angriest of. Out, you know, health and nutrition. I just want everybody to be fueling their body with healthy foods, because people are so unhealthy when they don't need to be, you know, when it could be, you know, so easy and joyful. Oh, thank you for that. Yeah, wow. I'm going to be thinking about that for a while after this. Where can people find you? Where's the best place for for parents to connect with you? The

best place is go to Mother flipping awesome.com and that's flipping with a G. So mother flipping awesome.com/reset and you can find out about our monthly resets and also about our programs, which are larger resets for your life, and we help you with your mind flips, get your mind in the right place. We help give you the magic in the moment of what you do with your kids, actually on the ground, what you do. And then we help give meaning to your life and to this incredible job that you're doing. So that's the best place. Can you tell everybody about the podcast?

Because I love that they're just a couple of minutes long. They're these little kind of nuggets of gold. And you can sign up via email and get sent one to one a day. They're so helpful. My sister is doing it right now and finding it so helpful. Can you tell everybody about that?

Absolutely. So if you go to Mother flipping lawsula.com/podcast you can learn more about the podcast. And the podcast started, everything starts with a fight for me. Okay, that's I was with my husband, and we were in the kitchen, cooking, and I was like, parents are freaking superheroes. And I was like, I am going to dress up in a superhero costume. It's hilarious in regular life, and I'm just gonna show parents what it's like to be a parent like in a superhero costume. Like living your regular like very

toilet is hilarious. So

he was like, nobody is gonna know what you're talking about. And I was like, just watch. Just you watch. Like, okay, glove down. Like, that's like, the best way to do anything is tell me I can't do it. So I was like, and I'm not only that, I'm gonna do a podcast about it.

Yeah, just try to shut me up. It's not a good thing to do. So,

yeah, so no, I mean, God bless him, like he, you know, he didn't mean it in a bad way, but he was just like, I don't know, oh no. And the next thing you know, I had ordered this hilarious superhero costume. I started the podcast, and I attached it to walking, because one of my skinny 60 habits is I walk every day now, yay. I'm taking care of myself during menopause and all of that, and really loving on myself during this part of parenthood and and so I walk every day. And I was like, I'm going to talk to people. I'm going to share my thoughts of what my true experience of parenting. I mean,

this is the greatest thing. Like you're not even in a studio, because you're a professional voice actor as well. You're not doing that. You're just talking, talking as you're walking. It is so great, and it's such an amazing reflection of who you are in your community. We're just keeping it real. Yeah, I'm walking. I don't care if the sound the dog's barking in the background. So what this is real life? Here we go. Totally Right,

totally Well, Abigail,

you keep speaking the truth. I wouldn't want to shut you up for all the tea in China, because your truth helps me understand myself better, and I know you are doing that for so many families. So thank you so much for the way that you're showing up and, oh, I just cannot wait for listener, you to enter Abigail's world, so I thank you. Thank you for spending this time with me. I just love what you're doing so much, and I love you.

Thank you so much, TAs.

Isn't she fabulous? So many takeaways from that conversation, giving yourself permission to have a full human experience, whatever that looks like. I loved when she said, not being able to be all of me was attacking the love and the joy that we need to be honest about our experience so that we can feel the depth of the love within ourselves and in our relationships. When she said, They caught me in my truth, they caught me in my experience. That is what we're doing with each other in relationship. We're catching things. We don't drop the ball. It stays in play, and that we get to choose how we throw out our offers, how we catch the offers of others. Us how we receive things and how we give that the container that you put things in matters that it always needs to be one of respect. And am I equipped to deal with with this? I mean, we're choosing to rise up and find ourselves in any situation, whether we're parents or not, right and we we can find community that helps us make sense of our experience, when she said that parenthood is an invitation to rise into your own leadership. Oh, that really spoke to me, because we're being invited to rise into our leadership every day with all of our experiences, whether we're a parent or not, and we we're constantly be being presented with opportunities to reset our self worth. Was interesting when she said, a family is a mini society. Oh, that made me think of my family differently. You know, was interesting, wasn't it? When she said, get in touch with your rage, when I asked her that final question, I'm going to be thinking about that, because that is where you find the disconnect, isn't it, where you're not being seen or heard, or you feel like other people aren't being seen or heard, that your rage is your motor that helps You Find your light. When she said that that really spoke to me, and that we think of rage as being a really terrible thing, but when we hold it with the respect that it deserves, why do I feel like this and and is there injustice out there that I want to correct, that I want to be a part of changing a story, whether it's your story or being part of your community. Ah, yeah, I'm going to be going to be swimming around with that one for a bit, so you can join Abigail's world at motherflipping awesome.com definitely listen to her podcast if you're a parent, because they're just very, very short episodes, and they're so helpful. Uh, she's just an amazing, amazing resource for support. Yeah, I'm interested to hear what your takeaways were from our conversation. It was an interesting one, wasn't it? So, yeah, let us know in the community. I.