Artwork for podcast Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions
S1 E2 Airwolf: All Iguana, No Cream Cheese (Part 2)
Episode 216th January 2025 • Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions • What Happened Here Productions
00:00:00 00:45:43

Share Episode

Shownotes

In this episode, the cool girls beef with Mermaid Man and camels. Oh and they finish off the pilot episode of Airwolf.

Join The Discord @ https://discord.gg/MUHKDDk6TN or email us at coolgirlsgoboom@gmail.com

Transcripts

Beth:

To Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions, where we watch DoTV

2

:

quickly because we're busy professional

ladies with busy professional lives.

3

:

I'm Beth.

4

:

Laura: And I'm Laura.

5

:

Yeah.

6

:

Beth: Airwolf, Episode 1.

7

:

UGH!

8

:

Laura: Two parts guys.

9

:

Beth: Dear God, okay.

10

:

We

11

:

Laura: Where did we leave the air Wolf?

12

:

Everybody.

13

:

Beth: when it was about to

fire upon the American Star

14

:

Destroyer, but the water kind.

15

:

Laura: Yeah, unnamed, right?

16

:

We

17

:

don't get a name for the Star Destroyer.

18

:

Yeah.

19

:

Beth: we

20

:

Glo: But my notes say that

we see the missile, but then

21

:

it goes back to the eagle and

Stringfellow's playing his cello.

22

:

Laura: I think that's right.

23

:

I think depending on what method

you were using to watch this

24

:

pilot, you may or may not

have had a break here.

25

:

Mine had

26

:

a break with the opening again, like

the canyons and the lizard and whatnot.

27

:

Yeah.

28

:

And then it cut to Stringfellow

Hawk sitting on the dock

29

:

playing cello to the eagle.

30

:

Yeah.

31

:

Glo: so deep.

32

:

Beth: was just like, hey,

we're diving right in.

33

:

We're gonna

34

:

Explode that bad boy.

35

:

Glo: and mine wasn't even broken up, I'm

glad you guys knew where to look at it.

36

:

Laura: Yeah.

37

:

Beth: So anyway, the sailors

are having a very bad time.

38

:

And they're running around, and

the radar is picked up on a massive

39

:

fuck off missile coming their way.

40

:

And while that happens, some

Tron music from Wish plays.

41

:

Laura: Yeah.

42

:

Beth: as one of the co pilots

of Airwolf in his helmet

43

:

Glo: can it be Timu Tron?

44

:

Timu

45

:

Beth: T Mutron, I like

46

:

Glo: There you go.

47

:

Beth: Mutron, yeah.

48

:

Laura: Alliteration.

49

:

Beautiful.

50

:

Beth: love

51

:

Glo: like a billionaire.

52

:

There you go.

53

:

Sponsor us.

54

:

Beth: If a car company could sponsor

us, that would be super tight.

55

:

Mama wants a Bronco.

56

:

Okay.

57

:

Yeah.

58

:

It's so cute.

59

:

It's

60

:

Glo: really cute, but don't watch

any of the ta of the test crashes.

61

:

Those things fold, they

fold like an accordion.

62

:

Don't sue me, Bronco.

63

:

Laura: There goes our sponsorship.

64

:

Glo: You know

65

:

what's not cute?

66

:

Airwolf.

67

:

Beth: Thank you

68

:

Laura: The show or, the copter or,

69

:

Beth: Or the constant misogyny.

70

:

It's not.

71

:

No.

72

:

Laura: So everybody was

running around on the ship in a

73

:

panic.

74

:

Airwolf's co pilot was not cool with this.

75

:

He was like, are we really gonna,

76

:

are we really gonna?

77

:

Beth: But then he goes with it anyway and

he's wearing I love that their helmets

78

:

look like they're stolen straight from

like the Star Wars Empire Collection,

79

:

like they all just look like they're

about to fire on the Death Star.

80

:

Laura: It's like even one step down.

81

:

It's like the Spaceballs collection.

82

:

Glo: Yes.

83

:

Yes.

84

:

I

85

:

Laura: everybody's wearing the Spaceball.

86

:

Glo: we keep bringing it

back to fantasy and sci fi.

87

:

Beth: We are who we are.

88

:

Glo: We

89

:

Beth: if anyone has any good girly sci

fi recs for future movie breaks feel

90

:

Laura: Oh yeah, we'd take

91

:

Beth: know on the Discord right now.

92

:

Laura: Yeah, so they do

the thing, I don't know.

93

:

There's some kind of a cut.

94

:

I think.

95

:

Beth: And Mr.

96

:

Spaceballs Helmet goes, The missile has

detonated, as if we didn't notice by the

97

:

gigantic fucking explosion in the middle

of the ocean but yeah, and so then we go

98

:

to the eagle soaring and predatory hawk

once again playing the cello for it.

99

:

Glo: And,

100

:

Laura: there's some talk about he's

trying to get the eagle to trust him

101

:

by playing music for her.

102

:

And it's a metaphor for Gabrielle, right?

103

:

Beth: Yes, she's all Ooh, I

didn't know you serenaded eagles.

104

:

And we're all just supposed to forget

how last week he pinned her to a bed

105

:

and called her a whore and a liar.

106

:

And has just been like, aggressively

mean to her the entire time.

107

:

No wonder the eagle doesn't

want to hang out with you, dude.

108

:

Glo: Yep.

109

:

Laura: Yeah, I think the dog

gives a big sigh too, which is

110

:

about how I felt at this point.

111

:

Beth: Yeah.

112

:

Ted's not even here for predatory hawks.

113

:

Bullshit.

114

:

Glo: No.

115

:

Laura: I'm honestly not even sure

what happens in this next section

116

:

Beth: I had a,

117

:

Laura: all

118

:

I wrote in my notes is Ernest

Borgnine's character can fuck right

119

:

off with his views on women's lib.

120

:

So can you all enlighten

me on to why I wrote that?

121

:

Beth: Yes, I got the receipts right here.

122

:

Anyway, okay.

123

:

So anyway, Gabby's all

ooh yeah, I love you.

124

:

And then they make out, and

a delusional man wrote that.

125

:

And then mermaid man tries to

fly the merka hop copter onto

126

:

the dock, but the dog won't move.

127

:

And the scene takes forever.

128

:

And I think we're supposed to think

it's funny, but it just takes forever.

129

:

Like it's not funny and

somebody should have cut this.

130

:

Then,

131

:

Mermaid Man, oop, sorry,

132

:

Glo: go ahead.

133

:

Beth: and then Mermaid Man runs into

the cabin with a box and tells Predatory

134

:

Hawk that he's going to land on that dog.

135

:

Again, I think this is

supposed to be funny.

136

:

Gabby runs downstairs, pulling on a

sweatshirt, and she offers to help Mermaid

137

:

Man with his box and Mermaid Man goes,

quote, I don't believe in women's lib.

138

:

Laura: That would

139

:

be why I wrote that.

140

:

Yeah.

141

:

Yeah.

142

:

Beth: oh, don't worry,

Laura, it gets worse.

143

:

Laura: Sure.

144

:

Go ahead.

145

:

Yeah.

146

:

Yeah.

147

:

Beth: And then Gabby goes, what the fuck?

148

:

And Mermaid Man elaborates by saying

that he believes in keeping the

149

:

sexes the way, quote, God intended.

150

:

Glo: She is literally an amazing dancing

spy and you are a helicopter pilot.

151

:

Are you kidding me right now?

152

:

What?

153

:

Beth: And not even like

the good helicopter pilot.

154

:

It's giving Harrison, what

the fuck was his last name?

155

:

Bukacki?

156

:

Butker?

157

:

Whatever that guy.

158

:

Who's not a good kicker.

159

:

Yeah.

160

:

Laura: Yeah,

161

:

Beth: yeah.

162

:

Laura: Sports guy, but his mom is a PhD.

163

:

Yeah.

164

:

Yeah.

165

:

Yeah.

166

:

Yeah.

167

:

His mom has like a physics PhD.

168

:

Like one of

169

:

the really hard ones.

170

:

I don't consider the one I'm

171

:

going to try one of the really hard ones

172

:

Beth: I do.

173

:

I consider any PhD a really hard

one, especially when involving math.

174

:

Laura: The hard sciences, man, and he

175

:

had the audacity, but

176

:

Glo: I didn't know that.

177

:

Beth: Yeah.

178

:

Laura: Yeah.

179

:

Beth: Yeah.

180

:

Laura: But Hawk also can fuck right off,

181

:

is the next thing I wrote.

182

:

And

183

:

I remember this part.

184

:

That he suggested Gabrielle cook dinner.

185

:

Because again, it's not good enough

that she's an amazing dancing spy,

186

:

she also has to cook the dinner.

187

:

Beth: She does.

188

:

Also, I think it's important to note that

there's a weird meat interaction here.

189

:

Yeah.

190

:

Cause Mermaid Man basically

explains away his misogyny by

191

:

saying, quote, It's my prerogative.

192

:

My dude, you just

microaggressioned all over Gabby.

193

:

And then went, oh,

194

:

it's my opinion, fuck off.

195

:

And then she's all it's all good as long

as you've got red meat, cause I've only

196

:

eaten vegetables for the last six days.

197

:

Glo: Skinny jokes.

198

:

More skinny women jokes.

199

:

Yikes.

200

:

Beth: Because you can't win either way.

201

:

But yeah.

202

:

Then he's all like, hey babe,

why don't you fix dinner?

203

:

Glo: What go out and leave her there?

204

:

Yeah, it's just really weird.

205

:

Beth: And then he tells her to

fix a steak for the dog as well.

206

:

Glo: So dog servant on top

of fantastic dancing spy

207

:

Beth: Yep.

208

:

Glo: this dog who also Like string fellow

says that he can just leave his dog

209

:

and it can hunt and be self sufficient

210

:

Beth: Yeah.

211

:

Sir, that's a dog, not a wolf.

212

:

Laura: And we must make the

woman subservient to it.

213

:

Even.

214

:

Though it is self sufficient,

but she needs to make it dinner.

215

:

Yeah.

216

:

Beth: Yeah.

217

:

And then, the menfolk go off to

the helicopter and do the zoomies.

218

:

And while they're on the

helicopter, Mermaid Man feels

219

:

the need to say, I like her.

220

:

She's a little skinny though.

221

:

Laura: Again,

222

:

there is no winning.

223

:

Glo: After

224

:

you starved her and berated her for

wanting to save a beautiful creature,

225

:

it's just Okay, if you're this manly

go hunt a moose for her or something.

226

:

What?

227

:

Beth: Yeah.

228

:

And it's it always just fills me

with rage when, as I'm sure it does

229

:

all of us, when men feel the need to

like comment on women's bodies and

230

:

when it's normalized in TV shows,

because it's just it's entitlement.

231

:

Like they are entitled to.

232

:

past judgment on somebody else's

body and somebody else's personality

233

:

and like all this shit and it's

just like you look like sweaty limp

234

:

lasagna what the fuck have you done

235

:

Laura: And they use it as a way to

diminish any accomplishment a woman has,

236

:

Oh, she's an amazing dancing

spy, but she's a little skinny.

237

:

She's done great things as a politician

and world leader, but she's fat.

238

:

Fuck off.

239

:

Fuck off.

240

:

Beth: Yeah like we are not superheroes

we are people chilled fuck out like

241

:

Laura: huh.

242

:

Going after anybody in the

public eye's body, I've

243

:

seen it done to men as well.

244

:

It seems like it is a faster

trigger for people, for a woman,

245

:

But this, we do it to men

too oh, he's a fat guy, ha,

246

:

Beth: But it's more

247

:

Laura: body is not the person.

248

:

Beth: Yeah.

249

:

Yeah.

250

:

Laura: much, a much faster

trigger for most people.

251

:

If it's a woman, they're like, oh.

252

:

Too fat, too tall, too

frizzy, too something.

253

:

She's just wrong.

254

:

She's just no way.

255

:

There's no perfect woman.

256

:

Glo: I have a note that

says Valley of the Gods,

257

:

Beth: Yes.

258

:

Glo: so

259

:

we're back there.

260

:

Beth: Yeah they fly into the Valley of

the Gods and it's so cold, and they talk

261

:

about how cold it is, and then they go,

even the Native Americans don't go here

262

:

and which is just a weird thing to say

and, then they return from the flying.

263

:

Because they fly into a cavern, and then

it cuts to them returning, and I'm not

264

:

really sure what the point of that was.

265

:

Laura: I think, were they talking

at this point about their plan?

266

:

They were plotting to arrange, yeah.

267

:

they're going to meet up in Tripoli.

268

:

I

269

:

don't think that the firm knows

that Ernest is going to be involved,

270

:

that Mermaid Man is involved.

271

:

And they're going to meet there

and they're trying to do something

272

:

with the helicopter on their own.

273

:

Beth: Yes, and we're

274

:

not

275

:

Glo: in comes eighties Colonel Sanders.

276

:

Beth: 80s Colonel Sanders has returned!

277

:

Glo: Is in

278

:

the cabin.

279

:

Beth: Eating that dinner and informs

Predatory Hawk that they will be

280

:

moving up the timetable to find Airwolf

because the President's real pissed

281

:

off, and the Star Destroyer, but on

water, um, got blown up, so now the

282

:

President's really pissed off, and he's

threatening to send in the Marines in

283

:

48 hours if they don't find Errol first.

284

:

And then it'll be the start

of World War III, which has,

285

:

Glo: it's all on the cello player.

286

:

Beth: Yes.

287

:

Always, it's always on

the cello player, man.

288

:

Bass clef is best clef.

289

:

Bam!

290

:

Glo: Note that says that

he punches the colonel.

291

:

Did that happen?

292

:

I think I was so fatigued at the

end of the this watch session.

293

:

I was just like whoa

294

:

Beth: because okay so he's all

so the colonel's all, he's all

295

:

like, Where the fuck is Gabby?

296

:

And, Colonel Sanders is yo, I

sent her ahead and he was like,

297

:

why did you leave her for a week?

298

:

And Colonel Sanders

was like, to brief you.

299

:

And I feel like there was an

innuendo in there, but I don't know.

300

:

Everything in the 80s was weirdly sexual.

301

:

So who knows?

302

:

And then he was like,

why did you take my art?

303

:

He was all like, that wasn't my idea.

304

:

That was the firm.

305

:

And then predatory Hawk says, I

could have taken it out on Gabby.

306

:

Laura: Huh.

307

:

He did say that.

308

:

I wrote that part down.

309

:

Beth: Yes.

310

:

And then he, and then

311

:

Colonel Sanders was like, did you?

312

:

And he was like, no.

313

:

And then he punches Colonel Sanders.

314

:

And then my blood turned to ice water

because I'm pretty sure we're supposed

315

:

to the implication is that we're,

like, supposed to think that Predatory

316

:

Hawk is such a good guy because he

didn't beat the shit out of Gabby

317

:

for something that wasn't her fault.

318

:

Yeah.

319

:

Laura: Yeah.

320

:

he's such a

321

:

good guy restraining

himself for this woman.

322

:

Yeah.

323

:

Huh.

324

:

Okay.

325

:

Beth: Who's,

326

:

Been subsisting on vegetables

and nothing else for six days.

327

:

Jesus Christ.

328

:

Glo: We're only on the first episode,

guys, and we're already getting all this.

329

:

Geez.

330

:

Beth: know, I

331

:

Laura: So we head out.

332

:

I guess we're at some sort of military

facility where he gets his cover stuff.

333

:

Beth: Yes,

334

:

Laura: only thing I wrote down

from this scene Oh, he's in Paris?

335

:

Okay.

336

:

The

337

:

most important thing that I took

away from this scene was that

338

:

Stringfellow Hawk never wears underwear,

339

:

which sounds uncomfortable.

340

:

Beth: That is in fact the most important

thing I took away from this scene as well.

341

:

Cause he comes in his

342

:

Laura: Hard to not, yeah.

343

:

Haha.

344

:

Beth: in this very frumpy suit that

she is so much better than tells

345

:

him to strip.

346

:

Yeah.

347

:

And he's all the fuck, which, fair.

348

:

And then she's we've got 16 minutes,

get the fuck out of your pilot suit.

349

:

And then she hands, she like, briefs

him, and she tells him he's got 10

350

:

minutes to read till chapter 10 in

some book to get his cover story right.

351

:

And that she's got all this money for

him, and she's got a cover for him,

352

:

so like an ID and letters and stuff.

353

:

And then she tells him that she's also

got A suitcase full of clothes for him.

354

:

They are all used, including

the underwear I'm afraid.

355

:

And then he says, It's cool.

356

:

I don't wear underwear.

357

:

And so I have a question.

358

:

Where the fuck did they get these clothes?

359

:

Are we to take from this that

they stole somebody's jerseys?

360

:

And didn't launder them.

361

:

And if so, What happened to her?

362

:

Glo: Ugh.

363

:

Oh,

364

:

Laura: It's the last

spy, obviously, right?

365

:

The last dude spy that got, and when

we recovered his body, we just took

366

:

the stuff off and stuck it in a pile

and now we're going to use it again.

367

:

Waste not, want not, guys.

368

:

Beth: Don't you kinda sometimes

shit yourself when you die?

369

:

Is there poop?

370

:

Is there

371

:

a poop situation?

372

:

Laura: said used.

373

:

Yeah.

374

:

Beth: I guess it's a good thing.

375

:

What we should all take from this

episode is that if you're a spy, and

376

:

your handler gives you a suitcase full

of used clothes and she tells you that

377

:

the underwear is used, it has poop in it.

378

:

So you're now a commando, girly.

379

:

Glo: I'm so worried for Gabi if they

had continued their relationship,

380

:

her just grilling steaks and

cleaning skid marks out of his jeans.

381

:

Laura: Oh,

382

:

Beth: Oh, he definitely is one of those

guys who has an unwashed ass, for sure.

383

:

Laura: I don't know, maybe the

end of this pilot is a relief.

384

:

Glo: Yeah, girl,

385

:

we find out that Angela is

386

:

dead

387

:

Laura: It's

388

:

Glo: and that our new operative is,

389

:

Beth: Gabby!

390

:

Gabrielle!

391

:

Glo: Gabrielle

392

:

Beth: Oh,

393

:

Glo: also a sexy dancer.

394

:

Beth: Sexy dancer.

395

:

I see that I wrote after about

the underwear situation, quote,

396

:

I don't wear underwear, I need

a lobotomy after the show.

397

:

Glo: God.

398

:

Beth: love that.

399

:

Glo: Cause he's

400

:

always ready for sex.

401

:

Beth: Wouldn't it smell like pee?

402

:

Don't dudes not wipe after they piss?

403

:

So is he just wiping his little

404

:

Glo: Can we call him

405

:

Beth: situation?

406

:

Glo: Can we call him Skidmark Hawk now?

407

:

Skidmark

408

:

Gross Cock.

409

:

I don't know.

410

:

Oh, jeez.

411

:

Beth: Now Gabby is doing sexy arm dancing.

412

:

In place of Angela, and we find

out that Moffat thought that Angela

413

:

was very fragile and Gabby seems

more robust because they've already

414

:

made her because she was sent in.

415

:

By the same theatrical company

that sent in Angela, so they

416

:

already know she's a spy.

417

:

The firm is very bad at being a secretive,

undercover, weird, shady agency,

418

:

and they should feel bad about it.

419

:

Sigh.

420

:

Yes.

421

:

Laura: 101, right?

422

:

Spy 101?

423

:

Diversify your backstories?

424

:

Glo: Yup.

425

:

Beth: She should come from a

completely different place.

426

:

What the fuck?

427

:

But anyway, Moffat goes,

she's more substantial.

428

:

And then I threw up in

my mouth a little bit.

429

:

Laura: But we were just

told she's so skinny!

430

:

Beth: Angela

431

:

was skinnier.

432

:

Glo: thick.

433

:

Oh, ha.

434

:

Beth: It's all that red meat.

435

:

Laura: or is she substantial?

436

:

I don't

437

:

know.

438

:

Beth: Was Angela just

made out of bird bones?

439

:

Was she, they looked like

they were about the same, but

440

:

I'm not a man, so clearly I don't

have the aptitude for such things.

441

:

So anyway,

442

:

Glo: Anyway,

443

:

Dom shows up.

444

:

Beth: Ooh, yes!

445

:

Who's down?

446

:

Glo: He's early.

447

:

Beth: Oh,

448

:

shit, Mermaid Man!

449

:

Cool cool.

450

:

Okay, yeah.

451

:

Glo: in the alley.

452

:

Beth: Yes.

453

:

Yes.

454

:

Although, before we get to the

alley, though Angela goes backstage.

455

:

She's super sweaty, because she did

all that really intense arm dancing.

456

:

And then, who should come

in but Skidmark Hawk?

457

:

And he's all Hey.

458

:

baby.

459

:

Hey.

460

:

What the fuck are you doing here?

461

:

Even though he just got briefed.

462

:

And she's all My job!

463

:

And I'm like, Fuck yeah!

464

:

And then they,

465

:

Glo: Guys,

466

:

Does that mean that

Stringfellow can't read?

467

:

Can that be headcanon?

468

:

That he's just illiterate?

469

:

Laura: yes, that

470

:

can be.

471

:

Glo: Amazing.

472

:

Beth: read!

473

:

I'm here for it!

474

:

Yes!

475

:

He's the father of Leo Michelle,

and that's why she can't read,

476

:

cause no one ever taught her,

cause her dad couldn't read either.

477

:

Conspiracy theory.

478

:

It's there.

479

:

Glo: my.

480

:

Yeah.

481

:

Beth: Anyway yeah, and then, he's all

Hey, don't die, and you gotta get on this

482

:

plane, cause it's not safe, and then she's

all I promise I won't die, and at that

483

:

point, we all know that Gabby's gonna die.

484

:

Gabrielle.

485

:

. Laura: Yeah.

486

:

Glo: Yep.

487

:

Cause we have to keep Stringfellow and

not the awesome, sexy, dancing spy.

488

:

Laura: Yeah.

489

:

This would be terrible if it

was a sexy dancing spy show.

490

:

Just the worst

491

:

Beth: Yeah.

492

:

Jesus Christ.

493

:

I have a feeling, and this is like I

guess my prediction for the rest of the

494

:

show, it's going to be one of those James

Bond situations where it's just going

495

:

to be some new babe du jour every week

and then she's either going to disappear

496

:

or die under tragic circumstances.

497

:

The show feels very like it's

going to throw away women.

498

:

Laura: Yeah.

499

:

Precedent set, right?

500

:

Beth: Yeah.

501

:

Then she's all Gabrielle's all it's

on site with Moffat and that's fair.

502

:

And then she tells him where she

tells Skidmark Hawk where Airwolf is.

503

:

And then she says she'll

meet him the next day by two.

504

:

So again, she is going to die.

505

:

So yeah, then Skidmark Hawk.

506

:

leaves the club, runs into Mermaid Man,

they run from the cops, I don't know

507

:

why, and then we end up in a car where

Mermaid Man casually tells Skidmark

508

:

Hawk that Mermaid Man and Skidmark

Hawk's dad had a threesome with a

509

:

lady who vibrated like a jackhammer.

510

:

Glo: Yeah, he talked about, I don't know,

it was like Latin America or something

511

:

like that and he just starts talking

about his dad's conquests and ugh.

512

:

Laura: Yeah.

513

:

And.

514

:

The whole conversation is much

too loud for this backseat.

515

:

There is no way these

police are not that dumb.

516

:

They would have heard this.

517

:

Glo: Yep.

518

:

I

519

:

also want to mention the camel cameos.

520

:

Beth: yes.

521

:

Glo: Do you guys

522

:

notice The adorable camels?

523

:

Beth: I did.

524

:

Laura: I missed it.

525

:

Yeah.

526

:

Beth: I have a beef with camels.

527

:

One spit on me when I was four.

528

:

For no reason.

529

:

Unprovoked.

530

:

Glo: a, that's not just a

thing that happens in cartoons.

531

:

Beth: Nope.

532

:

It happened to toddler me.

533

:

And so anyway, camels are dead to me.

534

:

All other animals are cute,

but camels can get fucked.

535

:

Glo: Okay.

536

:

Beth: That's my weird beef.

537

:

Laura: We have some

healing to do around that.

538

:

This is probably not the podcast for that

539

:

though.

540

:

Beth: Nah.

541

:

Welcome to

542

:

Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions,

where we will heal in hell.

543

:

Okay, so anyway.

544

:

Then there are camels, yes.

545

:

And then we find out.

546

:

It cuts back to Gabrielle who's being

detained by some Libyan soldiers and she's

547

:

being questioned and they're like we know

you're a spy and she's no, I'm a dancer.

548

:

And then Moffat slimes his way in

behind her and puts his hand on her

549

:

shoulder and is all I can assist Gabby.

550

:

And then cut to another

Star Destroyer but in water.

551

:

Where some dude is rehashing the

plan and says our boys will go in.

552

:

And a woman in a suit says,

and women are part of our boys

553

:

and one has already died for the

554

:

Glo: I went back, Our boys include

women, one of whom has already

555

:

given her life in this mission.

556

:

Is this the same lady

who told him to strip

557

:

and gave him the briefing?

558

:

Okay, they

559

:

Laura: Oh,

560

:

Glo: her a name yet.

561

:

Beth: No, they

562

:

Laura: I just wrote that she seemed to

be one of the firm's ladies, and she was

563

:

calling out military misogyny and the

habit of addressing everyone as men by

564

:

default.

565

:

Glo: So does this

566

:

mean that their writers

know what they're doing?

567

:

Laura: Is this

568

:

the secret feminism again,

569

:

this part is not so Secret

570

:

Yeah,

571

:

Beth: Secret feminism.

572

:

But yeah, and then dude's all

oh, it's just a figure of speech.

573

:

Again, just excusing the

microaggressions that are happening here.

574

:

Glo: Just locker room talk.

575

:

Beth: right?

576

:

Boys will be boys.

577

:

Motherfucker.

578

:

And then we cut to Moffat in the desert.

579

:

And , my heart sank, because I already

knew this is, and then we pan to

580

:

Gabi.

581

:

Glo: up to a jeep.

582

:

Beth: And she's

583

:

not having

584

:

Glo: in her Slave Leia costume.

585

:

Yeah.

586

:

Beth: Ugh, yeah.

587

:

And she's already

588

:

kinda getting a little bit of a sunburn.

589

:

Glo: Yeah, they did a pretty good

job with that makeup like you

590

:

could she looked like

she was suffering and

591

:

Laura: Oh yeah.

592

:

Glo: They do a good job

cutting up her chest area to

593

:

show that she's gotten,

beaten a little bit.

594

:

Beth: Yeah.

595

:

And then we cut back to Mermaid Man and

Skidmark Hawk checking out an Italian base

596

:

after following a Russian chopper there.

597

:

And then we cut back to

Moffat still torturing Gabby.

598

:

Laura: Paused here and did a Google.

599

:

This is the second time I had

to do a Google about the actors.

600

:

If you remember I've discovered that our

string fellow guy actually was a jealous.

601

:

When Ernest Borgnine

went into the Italian.

602

:

I was like, this is wicked good.

603

:

Why is this so wicked good?

604

:

He was born Hermes Efron Borginio.

605

:

Yes.

606

:

So he appears to be of that generation

that like, Born immigrant, gone to

607

:

Hollywood, had to Americanize myself to

make myself a name and be a big actor.

608

:

And god damn it, I wish I hadn't known

that, because then I felt just a tiny

609

:

bit more sympathetic to Ernest Borgnine,

610

:

Beth: Yeah, man.

611

:

Laura: how he had to cut

that part of himself,

612

:

Do the Hollywood thing,

and it's ah, damn it.

613

:

Beth: cause and that's

a cool as fuck name.

614

:

I wanted him to keep that.

615

:

Shit.

616

:

Yeah.

617

:

Let's see.

618

:

Yeah, I'd be second gen.

619

:

Second gen American.

620

:

And I still know.

621

:

A little bit of Maltese, it's

mostly stuff I can't see in public

622

:

because my grandmother swore like

a sailor, but Yeah, you pick that

623

:

Laura: Cool grandma.

624

:

Yeah.

625

:

Beth:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

626

:

CH!

627

:

Glo: Did you guys see that Stringfellow

gets a sneaky peep of Airwolf?

628

:

Beth: Yes.

629

:

Glo: Before we go back to

Gabrielle in the desert, which, is

630

:

this another trigger

warning we have to drop?

631

:

Beth: I think

632

:

so?

633

:

I was gonna drop

634

:

Glo: okay?

635

:

I'm just yeah drop it

636

:

Beth: Yeah.

637

:

Trigger warning We are

talking about torturing women.

638

:

The abuse of women.

639

:

Yeah.

640

:

Glo: and

641

:

guys sexual assault Did you

guys not pick up on that?

642

:

Laura: I wrote down is he

untying her ankles to rape her.

643

:

Glo: I put that is he going to rape her?

644

:

And I'm

645

:

pretty sure the answer is yes he undoes

her ankles and then the next time we see

646

:

her she is splayed out on the ground.

647

:

Laura: Yeah.

648

:

I think that's the implication.

649

:

Pretty strong for the nineties.

650

:

Oh, this was the eighties.

651

:

Glo: the 80s.

652

:

Beth: Ooooooh.

653

:

Glo: Yeah.

654

:

Laura: And obviously when he was

talking about how fragile Angela

655

:

was, I was pretty sure that was a

reference to the same criminal act.

656

:

So

657

:

Glo: Yep.

658

:

Yes.

659

:

Exactly.

660

:

Beth: I was

661

:

Glo: There's that.

662

:

Beth: yeah.

663

:

Mmmmm.

664

:

Glo: Having her gun, having a

gun pointed at her head, she

665

:

has sun blisters at this point.

666

:

They do a really good job.

667

:

Whoever did the makeup for her

really made it look like she was

668

:

getting sunburn and sun blisters.

669

:

Laura: Yeah.

670

:

It looked awful.

671

:

Beth: And then we cut back to

Skidmark Hawk and Mermaid Man rolling

672

:

up on the other two Americans who

stole Airwolf, talking about how

673

:

Moffat has Gabrielle tied up and

is torturing her in a sand dune.

674

:

Skidmark Hawk is gonna make

these dudes talk, clearly.

675

:

And then we cut back to Moffat

and Gabrielle, who is looking

676

:

very near death at this point.

677

:

Then we cut back to Mermaid Man

and Skidmark Hawk and they've taken

678

:

Airwolf and they're gonna shoot their

way out, obviously, because what the

679

:

fuck show are we watching if not?

680

:

Glo: first we got to talk

about the really bad karate

681

:

Like, Stringfellow just karate's five

guys and shoots them, and then he gets in

682

:

with Dom, who is whoa, there's a lot of

controls in this thing, and they take off,

683

:

and then they start shooting everybody.

684

:

It's just oh, what 11 year old wrote this?

685

:

I'm gonna karate them, and then I'm

going to take my guns, and then I'm

686

:

gonna shoot you with my machine guns.

687

:

It's gonna be great.

688

:

Laura: These were the machine

guns we didn't get from Viper.

689

:

Beth: Yeah, dude!

690

:

Could have cut half of this machine gun

budget, given it to Viper, and then the

691

:

Leather Daddy situation would badass.

692

:

Not that

693

:

Leather Daddies aren't badass,

because they are, but Anyway.

694

:

Glo: Talking

695

:

about Leather Daddies,

696

:

Dom gets the video working.

697

:

Do you like that?

698

:

Beth: 10,

699

:

Glow.

700

:

10 out of 10.

701

:

Glo: Thank you.

702

:

I appreciate it.

703

:

And who do they see on the view

704

:

screen?

705

:

Beth: they see Gabrielle.

706

:

Glo: Yes.

707

:

Tied up in the sand.

708

:

Beth: And she,

709

:

Glo: yeah.

710

:

Beth: cause Moffat rolled out of

there in his Lawrence of Arabia jeep

711

:

with a machine gun attached to it.

712

:

Glo: Mm

713

:

hmm.

714

:

Laura: Yeah.

715

:

Beth: And then Gabrielle says

she really wants to see an

716

:

eagle again, and then she dies.

717

:

Glo: Before this Stringfellow

gets up and cuddles her.

718

:

Mermaidman brings a jug of water.

719

:

All he does is wet her lips.

720

:

Doesn't give her any.

721

:

She's still alive, if

you guys noticed that.

722

:

And

723

:

she's just duh, and he's I love

you, not getting her into the

724

:

shade, not giving her any water.

725

:

Come on!

726

:

Laura: Why are we not, there's two

able bodied, theoretically, men here.

727

:

Why are we not putting her in

the helicopter immediately?

728

:

Beth: Yes.

729

:

Glo: Yep,

730

:

Beth: just photosynthesizes For

nutrients, as all women in the 80s did.

731

:

So obviously, she weighs nothing.

732

:

So they could have just lifted her into

the air Like, into airwolf, but whatever.

733

:

Laura: Yeah.

734

:

I was pretty mad.

735

:

Glo: yeah, seriously, it was like,

they could, they got her in time.

736

:

They could have gotten some liquids

into her, but she had to die in this

737

:

crappy dude's arms, and she's mumbling

about eagles, and then he gets angry at

738

:

her and says, she promised me, damn it.

739

:

Laura: Also, we've already established

Stringfellow's tragic thing with

740

:

he's got his brother who's MIA.

741

:

Did we really need to fridge a woman

in this first episode in order to

742

:

give him some motivation and stuff?

743

:

Glo: I literally wrote in, I wrote

in all caps, everyone he loves dies.

744

:

Guys.

745

:

Beth: I just wrote

746

:

Why must we sacrifice the lady again?

747

:

But yeah, that's why I think they're

just gonna kill off all of his

748

:

love interests from here on out.

749

:

They're not gonna kill

off his brother though.

750

:

He's gonna find his brother and

everything's gonna be fine there.

751

:

But his brother's gonna be like

evil or something, I'm pretty sure.

752

:

Yeah.

753

:

So anyway, yes.

754

:

Yes, I also wrote, she

promised me, dammit!

755

:

So then Moffat is fast and

furiousing through the desert,

756

:

and Airwolf is in pursuit, and

then a helicopter gets blowed up.

757

:

And then another

758

:

one gets blowed

759

:

Glo: there's,

760

:

But not Airwolf.

761

:

These are the Libyan

762

:

copters that they said were

probably Russian copters.

763

:

Laura: Yeah

764

:

Beth: up

765

:

Glo: a missile.

766

:

Yes.

767

:

Beth: Yeah.

768

:

But after the copters, though.

769

:

, it's tank time, bitch!

770

:

As you can see I wrote,

really big tank time, bitch.

771

:

Cause, cause they brought out the tanks.

772

:

It was very like a 5 year old

wrote this, and Henry had written

773

:

this, and was just like, Mashing

a copter into a tank arrggghhh!

774

:

Glo: Gonna be seeing more tanks.

775

:

Oh,

776

:

Beth: do think it was

weird that you didn't hear.

777

:

Any cannon fire from the tanks.

778

:

Like I feel like the sound designer just

got really bored with this project and

779

:

forgot to put sound in there.

780

:

And then, as Glow is saying, you go glow

781

:

Glo: that there's a missile that is

launched and it looks like Airwolf

782

:

has been blown up and Moffat is ha.

783

:

I win and then it comes

up over a sand dune

784

:

Moffat at this point is angry and

we get a call back to the time when

785

:

Moffat was telling us that the only

way to shoot down an is to shoot up

786

:

the butthole of the fuel hole, and that

he's gunnin for it with his hand pistol.

787

:

And Stringfellow is just shooting

at him and that he runs out

788

:

of ammo and his hand is still

shooting because Gabrielle is dead.

789

:

Beth: Everyone he loves dies.

790

:

He's tragic.

791

:

R.

792

:

I.

793

:

P.

794

:

Skidmarkhawk.

795

:

You would have really

loved Hawthorne Heights.

796

:

Yes.

797

:

But also, R.

798

:

The gun choice.

799

:

I know it's metaphorical and shit, and we

talked about it earlier, but Motherfucker

800

:

has a goddamn big ass, machine lookin

gun on the back of his Jeep, and he's

801

:

really gonna pull out his little baby gun?

802

:

Laura: Huh.

803

:

He brought a pistol to a helicopter fight,

804

:

Beth: Exactly!

805

:

Yeah!

806

:

Glo: Yup.

807

:

Beth: That's the shirt

right there at Iguana.

808

:

Yeah!

809

:

Moffat, I don't know, but he dead now.

810

:

Cause he got nuked.

811

:

He's probably not dead

though, to be honest.

812

:

He's This is probably Aha!

813

:

He totally got blowed

up, but he's not dead.

814

:

Let's be real.

815

:

That is my other prediction.

816

:

He's gonna come back and

817

:

just be

818

:

Laura: think he's coming back?

819

:

Glo: Oh.

820

:

Beth: Cause we don't see a body.

821

:

Laura: Okay.

822

:

Glo: Are We going to make, are we going

to make predictions like the boys?

823

:

Beth: We could.

824

:

We could call them our totally

cute predictions or something.

825

:

Yeah.

826

:

Laura: We're almost,

827

:

there.

828

:

we're

829

:

Glo: almost, we're so close.

830

:

Beth: Yeah.

831

:

We

832

:

Glo: They borrow an F14.

833

:

Beth: Yes.

834

:

Glo: cute predictions.

835

:

Okay.

836

:

Cool.

837

:

Beth: Although, okay, so Archangel

is all like, yelling at somebody

838

:

into the phone, and then he turns

to the one dude and is just Hey, may

839

:

I please borrow an F 14 from you?

840

:

And they're like, cool,

841

:

and so he does.

842

:

I I guess that's how you borrow one.

843

:

Victor, if you could let us know if

that's how one goes about borrowing

844

:

an F 14, that would be lovely.

845

:

I need one.

846

:

For

847

:

science.

848

:

Laura: Yeah.

849

:

Yeah.

850

:

Hit us in the discord.

851

:

Yeah.

852

:

Beth: and then Mermaid Man

drops Skidmark Hawk back off.

853

:

Archangel is in the cabin and has

returned skid mock hawk's, art skid.

854

:

Mark Hawk won't tell Archangel

where Airwolf is because

855

:

he wants his brother back.

856

:

So he is like holding a hostage basically.

857

:

And Archangel says basically every agency

is angry and that they're gonna try to

858

:

find it this whole time and they're gonna

try to get the information out of him.

859

:

But that they're probably not gonna

stop looking for his brother now.

860

:

And that Hawk will be protected

if he works for the firm.

861

:

And Hawk is I don't know.

862

:

Then Archangel asks if Gabrielle suffered.

863

:

And Hawk's Nope!

864

:

Nope!

865

:

Everything was chill,

866

:

Glo: he was covering or does

he really think that she didn't

867

:

suffer or is he covering because

Archangel and Gabriel were close?

868

:

Beth: I think

869

:

Laura: I guess he's covering.

870

:

but I was like, why would you do this?

871

:

Why?

872

:

Glo: You would want to know if you're

operative and how, like, how they went

873

:

out and if they were tortured, right?

874

:

Laura: Yeah, it really

875

:

shows how this time period or

this organization or this show

876

:

does not value the lives of

877

:

women because we throw them into

these they're a vulnerable person as

878

:

the half naked woman, dancing spy.

879

:

And we throw two of them at a madman,

880

:

Beth: Yeah.

881

:

Laura: and let him rape and murder

them, and then we lie for each other's

882

:

comfort that there was no suffering.

883

:

Fuck.

884

:

Off.

885

:

Glo: When you put it like that, Laura,

886

:

Beth: this damn

887

:

Glo: But the person

888

:

Laura: have feelings.

889

:

Glo: Yeah.

890

:

Beth: I agree with your

891

:

Glo: we should feel bad, though

892

:

Beth: sorry.

893

:

Glo: The person

894

:

we should feel bad for, though, is

Stringfellow, who is crying on the dock.

895

:

Not just little tears, but, there could

be a snot bubble, and I would have

896

:

been okay with it that many tears.

897

:

and

898

:

playing the

899

:

Beth: he plays, yeah.

900

:

Glo: the eagle again.

901

:

Beth: In the sunset this time.

902

:

Cause the metaphors in this show,

903

:

they're heavy handed.

904

:

But, yeah.

905

:

Maybe it's the first

time he's cried in years.

906

:

Maybe this is like A moment

of catharsis for him.

907

:

He could just go to therapy,

908

:

Laura: guess.

909

:

Beth: but Sure.

910

:

I think it would have been really cool

911

:

Laura: their weak, long

lover in Libya than go

912

:

to

913

:

Beth: ha ha ha

914

:

Ha

915

:

Glo: think that should also be a thing.

916

:

What are men more willing

to do than go to therapy?

917

:

This episode, it is have

your lover die in Libya.

918

:

Beth: But, yeah I think it would

have been really cool if the

919

:

dock had exploded at this point.

920

:

But, fine.

921

:

We just got a freeze

frame on an eagle instead.

922

:

Laura: The end.

923

:

Beth: The end.

924

:

I guess it's, yeah, that's it.

925

:

But did we want to do some totally

cute predictions for this season?

926

:

Glo: Yeah.

927

:

Let's do it.

928

:

Do we each want to do one or?

929

:

Laura: I think one's all I got in me.

930

:

Yeah.

931

:

Glo: Yeah, that

932

:

Beth: I can do one.

933

:

Glo: I'll do mine first.

934

:

This is Glow.

935

:

My prediction is

936

:

that we are going to see many episodes

end at the cabin with Stringfellow

937

:

sadly playing his cello and more

than one female is going to get

938

:

played out by Stringfellow's cello.

939

:

Laura: Oh the rhyme on that.

940

:

Superb.

941

:

Glo: The mellow Stringfellow cello.

942

:

Laura: Just gets better.

943

:

Beth: That's his Duke Silver.

944

:

My prediction is that we have

not seen the end of Moffat

945

:

and that he will end up Either

946

:

directly or indirectly being the over

arguing bad guy for at least this

947

:

first season, if not the whole show.

948

:

Laura: Okay.

949

:

My prediction is that it seems like

it is a little bit tense between

950

:

the firm and the U S government.

951

:

So Stringfellow is definitely going to

get like a U S government antagonist.

952

:

Like he's going to be an FBI guy

or a military guy, but he's like

953

:

coming at Stringfellow several times.

954

:

Glo: I like it.

955

:

Beth: And then you know

what's gonna happen?

956

:

It's gonna turn into an

enemies to lovers situation.

957

:

They're gonna end up fucking.

958

:

Laura: Oh, we can only hope.

959

:

Beth: Stringfellow was gay,

960

:

and so is the FBI agent,

and now they're together.

961

:

The end.

962

:

Laura: Yeah.

963

:

Beth: He plays the violin.

964

:

Glo: This is the 80s.

965

:

They can't be gay.

966

:

Beth: They can

967

:

Laura: But there will be subtext, surely.

968

:

Beth: Yeah!

969

:

Homoerotic

970

:

Glo: Not in my macho man show.

971

:

Beth: This is America.

972

:

My pronouns are we the people.

973

:

Glo: God.

974

:

Laura: Okay.

975

:

Who's going to play us out?

976

:

Glo: We have to mash it, don't we?

977

:

Laura: Oh Yeah.

978

:

Yeah!

979

:

We got to mash this thing.

980

:

Glo: So do you want to explain what

you're doing to the, for the audience?

981

:

Beth: Okay, so right now I'm writing

out the name of the show, because

982

:

we're doing like a modified MASH.

983

:

Which is the game that teenage

girls played in the early:

984

:

So I'm writing, instead of MASH, I'm

writing out the name of the show.

985

:

And then I had Laura Tell me

when to stop for the rings.

986

:

Because you draw a swirl and

then you count the rings.

987

:

And then however many rings you count.

988

:

The different categories.

989

:

So I'm going to use that to figure out

how many episodes we're going to skip.

990

:

So one, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine swirls.

991

:

All right, so we are going to

go ahead and skip six episodes.

992

:

Laura: Okay.

993

:

Beth: Is going to put us at,

994

:

okay first of all, we're missing an

episode called Daddy's Gone a Huntin so

995

:

I'm upset about that, but, let's see.

996

:

Glo: No!

997

:

Laura: man.

998

:

Beth: ha

999

:

Laura: should keep the backwards element.

:

00:43:57,525 --> 00:43:58,495

The randomness.

:

00:44:01,345 --> 00:44:02,915

So it's not gone forever.

:

00:44:02,915 --> 00:44:06,625

Beth: So we are going to watch

Episode 7, Fight Like a Dove.

:

00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:12,205

Hawk reluctantly agrees with

amused Dominic to be hired by cocky

:

00:44:12,205 --> 00:44:17,380

Israeli Nazi hunter Sarah LeBeau

Who seeks revenge on former Dachau

:

00:44:17,595 --> 00:44:17,625

Glo: god!

:

00:44:17,810 --> 00:44:21,250

Beth: commandant, Helmut Kruger.

:

00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:24,110

Who

:

00:44:24,855 --> 00:44:26,142

Glo: Oh

:

00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:27,700

Beth: baby!

:

00:44:28,420 --> 00:44:29,830

Laura: Okay.

:

00:44:31,390 --> 00:44:35,890

This won't be a complicated episode

with today's climate at all.

:

00:44:36,955 --> 00:44:38,615

Glo: you're right though.

:

00:44:38,615 --> 00:44:39,475

Laura: Totally fine.

:

00:44:39,695 --> 00:44:41,085

It's gonna be Totally fine.

:

00:44:41,085 --> 00:44:41,525

Glo: Alright,

:

00:44:41,525 --> 00:44:42,095

guys.

:

00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:43,200

Beth: yeah,

:

00:44:43,655 --> 00:44:44,165

Glo: Make sure to

:

00:44:44,165 --> 00:44:45,345

change your underwear.

:

00:44:45,345 --> 00:44:47,735

Beth: And don't leave

skid marks in your jeans.

:

00:44:47,735 --> 00:44:48,635

Cello music.

:

00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:49,780

Laura: Yeah.

:

00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,080

Beth: cello music here.

:

00:44:51,810 --> 00:44:52,860

Have a good week.

Links

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube