In this episode, the cool girls beef with Mermaid Man and camels. Oh and they finish off the pilot episode of Airwolf.

Join The Discord @ https://discord.gg/MUHKDDk6TN or email us at coolgirlsgoboom@gmail.com

To Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions, where we watch DoTV

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quickly because we're busy professional

ladies with busy professional lives.

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I'm Beth.

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Laura: And I'm Laura.

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Yeah.

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Beth: Airwolf, Episode 1.

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UGH!

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Laura: Two parts guys.

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Beth: Dear God, okay.

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We

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Laura: Where did we leave the air Wolf?

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Everybody.

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Beth: when it was about to

fire upon the American Star

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Destroyer, but the water kind.

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Laura: Yeah, unnamed, right?

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We

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don't get a name for the Star Destroyer.

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Yeah.

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Beth: we

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Glo: But my notes say that

we see the missile, but then

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it goes back to the eagle and

Stringfellow's playing his cello.

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Laura: I think that's right.

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I think depending on what method

you were using to watch this

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pilot, you may or may not

have had a break here.

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Mine had

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a break with the opening again, like

the canyons and the lizard and whatnot.

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Yeah.

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And then it cut to Stringfellow

Hawk sitting on the dock

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playing cello to the eagle.

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Yeah.

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Glo: so deep.

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Beth: was just like, hey,

we're diving right in.

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We're gonna

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Explode that bad boy.

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Glo: and mine wasn't even broken up, I'm

glad you guys knew where to look at it.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: So anyway, the sailors

are having a very bad time.

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And they're running around, and

the radar is picked up on a massive

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fuck off missile coming their way.

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And while that happens, some

Tron music from Wish plays.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: as one of the co pilots

of Airwolf in his helmet

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Glo: can it be Timu Tron?

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Timu

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Beth: T Mutron, I like

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Glo: There you go.

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Beth: Mutron, yeah.

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Laura: Alliteration.

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Beautiful.

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Beth: love

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Glo: like a billionaire.

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There you go.

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Sponsor us.

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Beth: If a car company could sponsor

us, that would be super tight.

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Mama wants a Bronco.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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It's so cute.

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It's

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Glo: really cute, but don't watch

any of the ta of the test crashes.

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Those things fold, they

fold like an accordion.

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Don't sue me, Bronco.

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Laura: There goes our sponsorship.

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Glo: You know

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what's not cute?

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Airwolf.

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Beth: Thank you

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Laura: The show or, the copter or,

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Beth: Or the constant misogyny.

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It's not.

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No.

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Laura: So everybody was

running around on the ship in a

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panic.

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Airwolf's co pilot was not cool with this.

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He was like, are we really gonna,

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are we really gonna?

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Beth: But then he goes with it anyway and

he's wearing I love that their helmets

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look like they're stolen straight from

like the Star Wars Empire Collection,

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like they all just look like they're

about to fire on the Death Star.

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Laura: It's like even one step down.

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It's like the Spaceballs collection.

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Glo: Yes.

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Yes.

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I

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Laura: everybody's wearing the Spaceball.

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Glo: we keep bringing it

back to fantasy and sci fi.

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Beth: We are who we are.

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Glo: We

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Beth: if anyone has any good girly sci

fi recs for future movie breaks feel

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Laura: Oh yeah, we'd take

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Beth: know on the Discord right now.

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Laura: Yeah, so they do

the thing, I don't know.

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There's some kind of a cut.

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I think.

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Beth: And Mr.

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Spaceballs Helmet goes, The missile has

detonated, as if we didn't notice by the

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gigantic fucking explosion in the middle

of the ocean but yeah, and so then we go

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to the eagle soaring and predatory hawk

once again playing the cello for it.

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Glo: And,

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Laura: there's some talk about he's

trying to get the eagle to trust him

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by playing music for her.

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And it's a metaphor for Gabrielle, right?

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Beth: Yes, she's all Ooh, I

didn't know you serenaded eagles.

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And we're all just supposed to forget

how last week he pinned her to a bed

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and called her a whore and a liar.

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And has just been like, aggressively

mean to her the entire time.

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No wonder the eagle doesn't

want to hang out with you, dude.

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Glo: Yep.

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Laura: Yeah, I think the dog

gives a big sigh too, which is

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about how I felt at this point.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Ted's not even here for predatory hawks.

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Bullshit.

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Glo: No.

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Laura: I'm honestly not even sure

what happens in this next section

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Beth: I had a,

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Laura: all

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I wrote in my notes is Ernest

Borgnine's character can fuck right

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off with his views on women's lib.

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So can you all enlighten

me on to why I wrote that?

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Beth: Yes, I got the receipts right here.

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Anyway, okay.

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So anyway, Gabby's all

ooh yeah, I love you.

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And then they make out, and

a delusional man wrote that.

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And then mermaid man tries to

fly the merka hop copter onto

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the dock, but the dog won't move.

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And the scene takes forever.

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And I think we're supposed to think

it's funny, but it just takes forever.

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Like it's not funny and

somebody should have cut this.

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Then,

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Mermaid Man, oop, sorry,

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Glo: go ahead.

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Beth: and then Mermaid Man runs into

the cabin with a box and tells Predatory

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Hawk that he's going to land on that dog.

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Again, I think this is

supposed to be funny.

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Gabby runs downstairs, pulling on a

sweatshirt, and she offers to help Mermaid

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Man with his box and Mermaid Man goes,

quote, I don't believe in women's lib.

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Laura: That would

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be why I wrote that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Beth: oh, don't worry,

Laura, it gets worse.

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Laura: Sure.

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Go ahead.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Beth: And then Gabby goes, what the fuck?

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And Mermaid Man elaborates by saying

that he believes in keeping the

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sexes the way, quote, God intended.

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Glo: She is literally an amazing dancing

spy and you are a helicopter pilot.

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Are you kidding me right now?

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What?

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Beth: And not even like

the good helicopter pilot.

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It's giving Harrison, what

the fuck was his last name?

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Bukacki?

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Butker?

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Whatever that guy.

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Who's not a good kicker.

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Yeah.

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Laura: Yeah,

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Beth: yeah.

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Laura: Sports guy, but his mom is a PhD.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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His mom has like a physics PhD.

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Like one of

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the really hard ones.

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I don't consider the one I'm

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going to try one of the really hard ones

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Beth: I do.

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I consider any PhD a really hard

one, especially when involving math.

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Laura: The hard sciences, man, and he

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had the audacity, but

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Glo: I didn't know that.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Laura: Yeah.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Laura: But Hawk also can fuck right off,

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is the next thing I wrote.

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And

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I remember this part.

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That he suggested Gabrielle cook dinner.

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Because again, it's not good enough

that she's an amazing dancing spy,

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she also has to cook the dinner.

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Beth: She does.

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Also, I think it's important to note that

there's a weird meat interaction here.

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Yeah.

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Cause Mermaid Man basically

explains away his misogyny by

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saying, quote, It's my prerogative.

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My dude, you just

microaggressioned all over Gabby.

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And then went, oh,

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it's my opinion, fuck off.

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And then she's all it's all good as long

as you've got red meat, cause I've only

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eaten vegetables for the last six days.

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Glo: Skinny jokes.

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More skinny women jokes.

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Yikes.

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Beth: Because you can't win either way.

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But yeah.

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Then he's all like, hey babe,

why don't you fix dinner?

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Glo: What go out and leave her there?

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Yeah, it's just really weird.

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Beth: And then he tells her to

fix a steak for the dog as well.

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Glo: So dog servant on top

of fantastic dancing spy

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Beth: Yep.

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Glo: this dog who also Like string fellow

says that he can just leave his dog

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and it can hunt and be self sufficient

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Beth: Yeah.

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Sir, that's a dog, not a wolf.

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Laura: And we must make the

woman subservient to it.

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Even.

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Though it is self sufficient,

but she needs to make it dinner.

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Yeah.

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Beth: Yeah.

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And then, the menfolk go off to

the helicopter and do the zoomies.

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And while they're on the

helicopter, Mermaid Man feels

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the need to say, I like her.

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She's a little skinny though.

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Laura: Again,

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there is no winning.

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Glo: After

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you starved her and berated her for

wanting to save a beautiful creature,

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it's just Okay, if you're this manly

go hunt a moose for her or something.

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What?

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Beth: Yeah.

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And it's it always just fills me

with rage when, as I'm sure it does

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all of us, when men feel the need to

like comment on women's bodies and

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when it's normalized in TV shows,

because it's just it's entitlement.

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Like they are entitled to.

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past judgment on somebody else's

body and somebody else's personality

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and like all this shit and it's

just like you look like sweaty limp

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lasagna what the fuck have you done

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Laura: And they use it as a way to

diminish any accomplishment a woman has,

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Oh, she's an amazing dancing

spy, but she's a little skinny.

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She's done great things as a politician

and world leader, but she's fat.

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Fuck off.

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Fuck off.

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Beth: Yeah like we are not superheroes

we are people chilled fuck out like

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Laura: huh.

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Going after anybody in the

public eye's body, I've

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seen it done to men as well.

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It seems like it is a faster

trigger for people, for a woman,

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But this, we do it to men

too oh, he's a fat guy, ha,

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Beth: But it's more

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Laura: body is not the person.

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Beth: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Laura: much, a much faster

trigger for most people.

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If it's a woman, they're like, oh.

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Too fat, too tall, too

frizzy, too something.

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She's just wrong.

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She's just no way.

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There's no perfect woman.

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Glo: I have a note that

says Valley of the Gods,

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Beth: Yes.

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Glo: so

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we're back there.

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Beth: Yeah they fly into the Valley of

the Gods and it's so cold, and they talk

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about how cold it is, and then they go,

even the Native Americans don't go here

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and which is just a weird thing to say

and, then they return from the flying.

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Because they fly into a cavern, and then

it cuts to them returning, and I'm not

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really sure what the point of that was.

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Laura: I think, were they talking

at this point about their plan?

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They were plotting to arrange, yeah.

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they're going to meet up in Tripoli.

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I

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don't think that the firm knows

that Ernest is going to be involved,

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that Mermaid Man is involved.

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And they're going to meet there

and they're trying to do something

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with the helicopter on their own.

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Beth: Yes, and we're

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not

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Glo: in comes eighties Colonel Sanders.

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Beth: 80s Colonel Sanders has returned!

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Glo: Is in

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the cabin.

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Beth: Eating that dinner and informs

Predatory Hawk that they will be

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moving up the timetable to find Airwolf

because the President's real pissed

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off, and the Star Destroyer, but on

water, um, got blown up, so now the

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President's really pissed off, and he's

threatening to send in the Marines in

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48 hours if they don't find Errol first.

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And then it'll be the start

of World War III, which has,

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Glo: it's all on the cello player.

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Beth: Yes.

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Always, it's always on

the cello player, man.

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Bass clef is best clef.

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Bam!

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Glo: Note that says that

he punches the colonel.

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Did that happen?

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I think I was so fatigued at the

end of the this watch session.

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I was just like whoa

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Beth: because okay so he's all

so the colonel's all, he's all

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like, Where the fuck is Gabby?

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And, Colonel Sanders is yo, I

sent her ahead and he was like,

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why did you leave her for a week?

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And Colonel Sanders

was like, to brief you.

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And I feel like there was an

innuendo in there, but I don't know.

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Everything in the 80s was weirdly sexual.

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So who knows?

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And then he was like,

why did you take my art?

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He was all like, that wasn't my idea.

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That was the firm.

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And then predatory Hawk says, I

could have taken it out on Gabby.

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Laura: Huh.

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He did say that.

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I wrote that part down.

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Beth: Yes.

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And then he, and then

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Colonel Sanders was like, did you?

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And he was like, no.

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And then he punches Colonel Sanders.

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And then my blood turned to ice water

because I'm pretty sure we're supposed

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to the implication is that we're,

like, supposed to think that Predatory

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Hawk is such a good guy because he

didn't beat the shit out of Gabby

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for something that wasn't her fault.

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Yeah.

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Laura: Yeah.

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he's such a

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good guy restraining

himself for this woman.

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Yeah.

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Huh.

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Okay.

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Beth: Who's,

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Been subsisting on vegetables

and nothing else for six days.

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Jesus Christ.

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Glo: We're only on the first episode,

guys, and we're already getting all this.

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Geez.

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Beth: know, I

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Laura: So we head out.

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I guess we're at some sort of military

facility where he gets his cover stuff.

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Beth: Yes,

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Laura: only thing I wrote down

from this scene Oh, he's in Paris?

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Okay.

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The

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most important thing that I took

away from this scene was that

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Stringfellow Hawk never wears underwear,

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which sounds uncomfortable.

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Beth: That is in fact the most important

thing I took away from this scene as well.

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Cause he comes in his

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Laura: Hard to not, yeah.

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Haha.

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Beth: in this very frumpy suit that

she is so much better than tells

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him to strip.

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Yeah.

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And he's all the fuck, which, fair.

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And then she's we've got 16 minutes,

get the fuck out of your pilot suit.

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And then she hands, she like, briefs

him, and she tells him he's got 10

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minutes to read till chapter 10 in

some book to get his cover story right.

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And that she's got all this money for

him, and she's got a cover for him,

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so like an ID and letters and stuff.

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And then she tells him that she's also

got A suitcase full of clothes for him.

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They are all used, including

the underwear I'm afraid.

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And then he says, It's cool.

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I don't wear underwear.

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And so I have a question.

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Where the fuck did they get these clothes?

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Are we to take from this that

they stole somebody's jerseys?

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And didn't launder them.

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And if so, What happened to her?

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Glo: Ugh.

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Oh,

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Laura: It's the last

spy, obviously, right?

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The last dude spy that got, and when

we recovered his body, we just took

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the stuff off and stuck it in a pile

and now we're going to use it again.

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Waste not, want not, guys.

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Beth: Don't you kinda sometimes

shit yourself when you die?

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Is there poop?

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Is there

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a poop situation?

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Laura: said used.

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Yeah.

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Beth: I guess it's a good thing.

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What we should all take from this

episode is that if you're a spy, and

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your handler gives you a suitcase full

of used clothes and she tells you that

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the underwear is used, it has poop in it.

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So you're now a commando, girly.

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Glo: I'm so worried for Gabi if they

had continued their relationship,

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her just grilling steaks and

cleaning skid marks out of his jeans.

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Laura: Oh,

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Beth: Oh, he definitely is one of those

guys who has an unwashed ass, for sure.

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Laura: I don't know, maybe the

end of this pilot is a relief.

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Glo: Yeah, girl,

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we find out that Angela is

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dead

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Laura: It's

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Glo: and that our new operative is,

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Beth: Gabby!

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Gabrielle!

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Glo: Gabrielle

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Beth: Oh,

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Glo: also a sexy dancer.

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Beth: Sexy dancer.

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I see that I wrote after about

the underwear situation, quote,

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I don't wear underwear, I need

a lobotomy after the show.

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Glo: God.

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Beth: love that.

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Glo: Cause he's

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always ready for sex.

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Beth: Wouldn't it smell like pee?

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Don't dudes not wipe after they piss?

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So is he just wiping his little

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Glo: Can we call him

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Beth: situation?

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Glo: Can we call him Skidmark Hawk now?

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Skidmark

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Gross Cock.

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I don't know.

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Oh, jeez.

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Beth: Now Gabby is doing sexy arm dancing.

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In place of Angela, and we find

out that Moffat thought that Angela

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was very fragile and Gabby seems

more robust because they've already

414

made her because she was sent in.

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By the same theatrical company

that sent in Angela, so they

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already know she's a spy.

417

The firm is very bad at being a secretive,

undercover, weird, shady agency,

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and they should feel bad about it.

419

Sigh.

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Yes.

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Laura: 101, right?

422

Spy 101?

423

Diversify your backstories?

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Glo: Yup.

425

Beth: She should come from a

completely different place.

426

What the fuck?

427

But anyway, Moffat goes,

she's more substantial.

428

And then I threw up in

my mouth a little bit.

429

Laura: But we were just

told she's so skinny!

430

Beth: Angela

431

was skinnier.

432

Glo: thick.

433

Oh, ha.

434

Beth: It's all that red meat.

435

Laura: or is she substantial?

436

I don't

437

know.

438

Beth: Was Angela just

made out of bird bones?

439

Was she, they looked like

they were about the same, but

440

I'm not a man, so clearly I don't

have the aptitude for such things.

441

So anyway,

442

Glo: Anyway,

443

Dom shows up.

444

Beth: Ooh, yes!

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Who's down?

446

Glo: He's early.

447

Beth: Oh,

448

shit, Mermaid Man!

449

Cool cool.

450

Okay, yeah.

451

Glo: in the alley.

452

Beth: Yes.

453

Yes.

454

Although, before we get to the

alley, though Angela goes backstage.

455

She's super sweaty, because she did

all that really intense arm dancing.

456

And then, who should come

in but Skidmark Hawk?

457

And he's all Hey.

458

baby.

459

Hey.

460

What the fuck are you doing here?

461

Even though he just got briefed.

462

And she's all My job!

463

And I'm like, Fuck yeah!

464

And then they,

465

Glo: Guys,

466

Does that mean that

Stringfellow can't read?

467

Can that be headcanon?

468

That he's just illiterate?

469

Laura: yes, that

470

can be.

471

Glo: Amazing.

472

Beth: read!

473

I'm here for it!

474

Yes!

475

He's the father of Leo Michelle,

and that's why she can't read,

476

cause no one ever taught her,

cause her dad couldn't read either.

477

Conspiracy theory.

478

It's there.

479

Glo: my.

480

Yeah.

481

Beth: Anyway yeah, and then, he's all

Hey, don't die, and you gotta get on this

482

plane, cause it's not safe, and then she's

all I promise I won't die, and at that

483

point, we all know that Gabby's gonna die.

484

Gabrielle.

485

. Laura: Yeah.

486

Glo: Yep.

487

Cause we have to keep Stringfellow and

not the awesome, sexy, dancing spy.

488

Laura: Yeah.

489

This would be terrible if it

was a sexy dancing spy show.

490

Just the worst

491

Beth: Yeah.

492

Jesus Christ.

493

I have a feeling, and this is like I

guess my prediction for the rest of the

494

show, it's going to be one of those James

Bond situations where it's just going

495

to be some new babe du jour every week

and then she's either going to disappear

496

or die under tragic circumstances.

497

The show feels very like it's

going to throw away women.

498

Laura: Yeah.

499

Precedent set, right?

500

Beth: Yeah.

501

Then she's all Gabrielle's all it's

on site with Moffat and that's fair.

502

And then she tells him where she

tells Skidmark Hawk where Airwolf is.

503

And then she says she'll

meet him the next day by two.

504

So again, she is going to die.

505

So yeah, then Skidmark Hawk.

506

leaves the club, runs into Mermaid Man,

they run from the cops, I don't know

507

why, and then we end up in a car where

Mermaid Man casually tells Skidmark

508

Hawk that Mermaid Man and Skidmark

Hawk's dad had a threesome with a

509

lady who vibrated like a jackhammer.

510

Glo: Yeah, he talked about, I don't know,

it was like Latin America or something

511

like that and he just starts talking

about his dad's conquests and ugh.

512

Laura: Yeah.

513

And.

514

The whole conversation is much

too loud for this backseat.

515

There is no way these

police are not that dumb.

516

They would have heard this.

517

Glo: Yep.

518

I

519

also want to mention the camel cameos.

520

Beth: yes.

521

Glo: Do you guys

522

notice The adorable camels?

523

Beth: I did.

524

Laura: I missed it.

525

Yeah.

526

Beth: I have a beef with camels.

527

One spit on me when I was four.

528

For no reason.

529

Unprovoked.

530

Glo: a, that's not just a

thing that happens in cartoons.

531

Beth: Nope.

532

It happened to toddler me.

533

And so anyway, camels are dead to me.

534

All other animals are cute,

but camels can get fucked.

535

Glo: Okay.

536

Beth: That's my weird beef.

537

Laura: We have some

healing to do around that.

538

This is probably not the podcast for that

539

though.

540

Beth: Nah.

541

Welcome to

542

Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions,

where we will heal in hell.

543

Okay, so anyway.

544

Then there are camels, yes.

545

And then we find out.

546

It cuts back to Gabrielle who's being

detained by some Libyan soldiers and she's

547

being questioned and they're like we know

you're a spy and she's no, I'm a dancer.

548

And then Moffat slimes his way in

behind her and puts his hand on her

549

shoulder and is all I can assist Gabby.

550

And then cut to another

Star Destroyer but in water.

551

Where some dude is rehashing the

plan and says our boys will go in.

552

And a woman in a suit says,

and women are part of our boys

553

and one has already died for the

554

Glo: I went back, Our boys include

women, one of whom has already

555

given her life in this mission.

556

Is this the same lady

who told him to strip

557

and gave him the briefing?

558

Okay, they

559

Laura: Oh,

560

Glo: her a name yet.

561

Beth: No, they

562

Laura: I just wrote that she seemed to

be one of the firm's ladies, and she was

563

calling out military misogyny and the

habit of addressing everyone as men by

564

default.

565

Glo: So does this

566

mean that their writers

know what they're doing?

567

Laura: Is this

568

the secret feminism again,

569

this part is not so Secret

570

Yeah,

571

Beth: Secret feminism.

572

But yeah, and then dude's all

oh, it's just a figure of speech.

573

Again, just excusing the

microaggressions that are happening here.

574

Glo: Just locker room talk.

575

Beth: right?

576

Boys will be boys.

577

Motherfucker.

578

And then we cut to Moffat in the desert.

579

And , my heart sank, because I already

knew this is, and then we pan to

580

Gabi.

581

Glo: up to a jeep.

582

Beth: And she's

583

not having

584

Glo: in her Slave Leia costume.

585

Yeah.

586

Beth: Ugh, yeah.

587

And she's already

588

kinda getting a little bit of a sunburn.

589

Glo: Yeah, they did a pretty good

job with that makeup like you

590

could she looked like

she was suffering and

591

Laura: Oh yeah.

592

Glo: They do a good job

cutting up her chest area to

593

show that she's gotten,

beaten a little bit.

594

Beth: Yeah.

595

And then we cut back to Mermaid Man and

Skidmark Hawk checking out an Italian base

596

after following a Russian chopper there.

597

And then we cut back to

Moffat still torturing Gabby.

598

Laura: Paused here and did a Google.

599

This is the second time I had

to do a Google about the actors.

600

If you remember I've discovered that our

string fellow guy actually was a jealous.

601

When Ernest Borgnine

went into the Italian.

602

I was like, this is wicked good.

603

Why is this so wicked good?

604

He was born Hermes Efron Borginio.

605

Yes.

606

So he appears to be of that generation

that like, Born immigrant, gone to

607

Hollywood, had to Americanize myself to

make myself a name and be a big actor.

608

And god damn it, I wish I hadn't known

that, because then I felt just a tiny

609

bit more sympathetic to Ernest Borgnine,

610

Beth: Yeah, man.

611

Laura: how he had to cut

that part of himself,

612

Do the Hollywood thing,

and it's ah, damn it.

613

Beth: cause and that's

a cool as fuck name.

614

I wanted him to keep that.

615

Shit.

616

Yeah.

617

Let's see.

618

Yeah, I'd be second gen.

619

Second gen American.

620

And I still know.

621

A little bit of Maltese, it's

mostly stuff I can't see in public

622

because my grandmother swore like

a sailor, but Yeah, you pick that

623

Laura: Cool grandma.

624

Yeah.

625

Beth:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

626

CH!

627

Glo: Did you guys see that Stringfellow

gets a sneaky peep of Airwolf?

628

Beth: Yes.

629

Glo: Before we go back to

Gabrielle in the desert, which, is

630

this another trigger

warning we have to drop?

631

Beth: I think

632

so?

633

I was gonna drop

634

Glo: okay?

635

I'm just yeah drop it

636

Beth: Yeah.

637

Trigger warning We are

talking about torturing women.

638

The abuse of women.

639

Yeah.

640

Glo: and

641

guys sexual assault Did you

guys not pick up on that?

642

Laura: I wrote down is he

untying her ankles to rape her.

643

Glo: I put that is he going to rape her?

644

And I'm

645

pretty sure the answer is yes he undoes

her ankles and then the next time we see

646

her she is splayed out on the ground.

647

Laura: Yeah.

648

I think that's the implication.

649

Pretty strong for the nineties.

650

Oh, this was the eighties.

651

Glo: the 80s.

652

Beth: Ooooooh.

653

Glo: Yeah.

654

Laura: And obviously when he was

talking about how fragile Angela

655

was, I was pretty sure that was a

reference to the same criminal act.

656

So

657

Glo: Yep.

658

Yes.

659

Exactly.

660

Beth: I was

661

Glo: There's that.

662

Beth: yeah.

663

Mmmmm.

664

Glo: Having her gun, having a

gun pointed at her head, she

665

has sun blisters at this point.

666

They do a really good job.

667

Whoever did the makeup for her

really made it look like she was

668

getting sunburn and sun blisters.

669

Laura: Yeah.

670

It looked awful.

671

Beth: And then we cut back to

Skidmark Hawk and Mermaid Man rolling

672

up on the other two Americans who

stole Airwolf, talking about how

673

Moffat has Gabrielle tied up and

is torturing her in a sand dune.

674

Skidmark Hawk is gonna make

these dudes talk, clearly.

675

And then we cut back to Moffat

and Gabrielle, who is looking

676

very near death at this point.

677

Then we cut back to Mermaid Man

and Skidmark Hawk and they've taken

678

Airwolf and they're gonna shoot their

way out, obviously, because what the

679

fuck show are we watching if not?

680

Glo: first we got to talk

about the really bad karate

681

Like, Stringfellow just karate's five

guys and shoots them, and then he gets in

682

with Dom, who is whoa, there's a lot of

controls in this thing, and they take off,

683

and then they start shooting everybody.

684

It's just oh, what 11 year old wrote this?

685

I'm gonna karate them, and then I'm

going to take my guns, and then I'm

686

gonna shoot you with my machine guns.

687

It's gonna be great.

688

Laura: These were the machine

guns we didn't get from Viper.

689

Beth: Yeah, dude!

690

Could have cut half of this machine gun

budget, given it to Viper, and then the

691

Leather Daddy situation would badass.

692

Not that

693

Leather Daddies aren't badass,

because they are, but Anyway.

694

Glo: Talking

695

about Leather Daddies,

696

Dom gets the video working.

697

Do you like that?

698

Beth: 10,

699

Glow.

700

10 out of 10.

701

Glo: Thank you.

702

I appreciate it.

703

And who do they see on the view

704

screen?

705

Beth: they see Gabrielle.

706

Glo: Yes.

707

Tied up in the sand.

708

Beth: And she,

709

Glo: yeah.

710

Beth: cause Moffat rolled out of

there in his Lawrence of Arabia jeep

711

with a machine gun attached to it.

712

Glo: Mm

713

hmm.

714

Laura: Yeah.

715

Beth: And then Gabrielle says

she really wants to see an

716

eagle again, and then she dies.

717

Glo: Before this Stringfellow

gets up and cuddles her.

718

Mermaidman brings a jug of water.

719

All he does is wet her lips.

720

Doesn't give her any.

721

She's still alive, if

you guys noticed that.

722

And

723

she's just duh, and he's I love

you, not getting her into the

724

shade, not giving her any water.

725

Come on!

726

Laura: Why are we not, there's two

able bodied, theoretically, men here.

727

Why are we not putting her in

the helicopter immediately?

728

Beth: Yes.

729

Glo: Yep,

730

Beth: just photosynthesizes For

nutrients, as all women in the 80s did.

731

So obviously, she weighs nothing.

732

So they could have just lifted her into

the air Like, into airwolf, but whatever.

733

Laura: Yeah.

734

I was pretty mad.

735

Glo: yeah, seriously, it was like,

they could, they got her in time.

736

They could have gotten some liquids

into her, but she had to die in this

737

crappy dude's arms, and she's mumbling

about eagles, and then he gets angry at

738

her and says, she promised me, damn it.

739

Laura: Also, we've already established

Stringfellow's tragic thing with

740

he's got his brother who's MIA.

741

Did we really need to fridge a woman

in this first episode in order to

742

give him some motivation and stuff?

743

Glo: I literally wrote in, I wrote

in all caps, everyone he loves dies.

744

Guys.

745

Beth: I just wrote

746

Why must we sacrifice the lady again?

747

But yeah, that's why I think they're

just gonna kill off all of his

748

love interests from here on out.

749

They're not gonna kill

off his brother though.

750

He's gonna find his brother and

everything's gonna be fine there.

751

But his brother's gonna be like

evil or something, I'm pretty sure.

752

Yeah.

753

So anyway, yes.

754

Yes, I also wrote, she

promised me, dammit!

755

So then Moffat is fast and

furiousing through the desert,

756

and Airwolf is in pursuit, and

then a helicopter gets blowed up.

757

And then another

758

one gets blowed

759

Glo: there's,

760

But not Airwolf.

761

These are the Libyan

762

copters that they said were

probably Russian copters.

763

Laura: Yeah

764

Beth: up

765

Glo: a missile.

766

Yes.

767

Beth: Yeah.

768

But after the copters, though.

769

, it's tank time, bitch!

770

As you can see I wrote,

really big tank time, bitch.

771

Cause, cause they brought out the tanks.

772

It was very like a 5 year old

wrote this, and Henry had written

773

this, and was just like, Mashing

a copter into a tank arrggghhh!

774

Glo: Gonna be seeing more tanks.

775

Oh,

776

Beth: do think it was

weird that you didn't hear.

777

Any cannon fire from the tanks.

778

Like I feel like the sound designer just

got really bored with this project and

779

forgot to put sound in there.

780

And then, as Glow is saying, you go glow

781

Glo: that there's a missile that is

launched and it looks like Airwolf

782

has been blown up and Moffat is ha.

783

I win and then it comes

up over a sand dune

784

Moffat at this point is angry and

we get a call back to the time when

785

Moffat was telling us that the only

way to shoot down an is to shoot up

786

the butthole of the fuel hole, and that

he's gunnin for it with his hand pistol.

787

And Stringfellow is just shooting

at him and that he runs out

788

of ammo and his hand is still

shooting because Gabrielle is dead.

789

Beth: Everyone he loves dies.

790

He's tragic.

791

R.

792

I.

793

P.

794

Skidmarkhawk.

795

You would have really

loved Hawthorne Heights.

796

Yes.

797

But also, R.

798

The gun choice.

799

I know it's metaphorical and shit, and we

talked about it earlier, but Motherfucker

800

has a goddamn big ass, machine lookin

gun on the back of his Jeep, and he's

801

really gonna pull out his little baby gun?

802

Laura: Huh.

803

He brought a pistol to a helicopter fight,

804

Beth: Exactly!

805

Yeah!

806

Glo: Yup.

807

Beth: That's the shirt

right there at Iguana.

808

Yeah!

809

Moffat, I don't know, but he dead now.

810

Cause he got nuked.

811

He's probably not dead

though, to be honest.

812

He's This is probably Aha!

813

He totally got blowed

up, but he's not dead.

814

Let's be real.

815

That is my other prediction.

816

He's gonna come back and

817

just be

818

Laura: think he's coming back?

819

Glo: Oh.

820

Beth: Cause we don't see a body.

821

Laura: Okay.

822

Glo: Are We going to make, are we going

to make predictions like the boys?

823

Beth: We could.

824

We could call them our totally

cute predictions or something.

825

Yeah.

826

Laura: We're almost,

827

there.

828

we're

829

Glo: almost, we're so close.

830

Beth: Yeah.

831

We

832

Glo: They borrow an F14.

833

Beth: Yes.

834

Glo: cute predictions.

835

Okay.

836

Cool.

837

Beth: Although, okay, so Archangel

is all like, yelling at somebody

838

into the phone, and then he turns

to the one dude and is just Hey, may

839

I please borrow an F 14 from you?

840

And they're like, cool,

841

and so he does.

842

I I guess that's how you borrow one.

843

Victor, if you could let us know if

that's how one goes about borrowing

844

an F 14, that would be lovely.

845

I need one.

846

For

847

science.

848

Laura: Yeah.

849

Yeah.

850

Hit us in the discord.

851

Yeah.

852

Beth: and then Mermaid Man

drops Skidmark Hawk back off.

853

Archangel is in the cabin and has

returned skid mock hawk's, art skid.

854

Mark Hawk won't tell Archangel

where Airwolf is because

855

he wants his brother back.

856

So he is like holding a hostage basically.

857

And Archangel says basically every agency

is angry and that they're gonna try to

858

find it this whole time and they're gonna

try to get the information out of him.

859

But that they're probably not gonna

stop looking for his brother now.

860

And that Hawk will be protected

if he works for the firm.

861

And Hawk is I don't know.

862

Then Archangel asks if Gabrielle suffered.

863

And Hawk's Nope!

864

Nope!

865

Everything was chill,

866

Glo: he was covering or does

he really think that she didn't

867

suffer or is he covering because

Archangel and Gabriel were close?

868

Beth: I think

869

Laura: I guess he's covering.

870

but I was like, why would you do this?

871

Why?

872

Glo: You would want to know if you're

operative and how, like, how they went

873

out and if they were tortured, right?

874

Laura: Yeah, it really

875

shows how this time period or

this organization or this show

876

does not value the lives of

877

women because we throw them into

these they're a vulnerable person as

878

the half naked woman, dancing spy.

879

And we throw two of them at a madman,

880

Beth: Yeah.

881

Laura: and let him rape and murder

them, and then we lie for each other's

882

comfort that there was no suffering.

883

Fuck.

884

Off.

885

Glo: When you put it like that, Laura,

886

Beth: this damn

887

Glo: But the person

888

Laura: have feelings.

889

Glo: Yeah.

890

Beth: I agree with your

891

Glo: we should feel bad, though

892

Beth: sorry.

893

Glo: The person

894

we should feel bad for, though, is

Stringfellow, who is crying on the dock.

895

Not just little tears, but, there could

be a snot bubble, and I would have

896

been okay with it that many tears.

897

and

898

playing the

899

Beth: he plays, yeah.

900

Glo: the eagle again.

901

Beth: In the sunset this time.

902

Cause the metaphors in this show,

903

they're heavy handed.

904

But, yeah.

905

Maybe it's the first

time he's cried in years.

906

Maybe this is like A moment

of catharsis for him.

907

He could just go to therapy,

908

Laura: guess.

909

Beth: but Sure.

910

I think it would have been really cool

911

Laura: their weak, long

lover in Libya than go

912

to

913

Beth: ha ha ha

914

Ha

915

Glo: think that should also be a thing.

916

What are men more willing

to do than go to therapy?

917

This episode, it is have

your lover die in Libya.

918

Beth: But, yeah I think it would

have been really cool if the

919

dock had exploded at this point.

920

But, fine.

921

We just got a freeze

frame on an eagle instead.

922

Laura: The end.

923

Beth: The end.

924

I guess it's, yeah, that's it.

925

But did we want to do some totally

cute predictions for this season?

926

Glo: Yeah.

927

Let's do it.

928

Do we each want to do one or?

929

Laura: I think one's all I got in me.

930

Yeah.

931

Glo: Yeah, that

932

Beth: I can do one.

933

Glo: I'll do mine first.

934

This is Glow.

935

My prediction is

936

that we are going to see many episodes

end at the cabin with Stringfellow

937

sadly playing his cello and more

than one female is going to get

938

played out by Stringfellow's cello.

939

Laura: Oh the rhyme on that.

940

Superb.

941

Glo: The mellow Stringfellow cello.

942

Laura: Just gets better.

943

Beth: That's his Duke Silver.

944

My prediction is that we have

not seen the end of Moffat

945

and that he will end up Either

946

directly or indirectly being the over

arguing bad guy for at least this

947

first season, if not the whole show.

948

Laura: Okay.

949

My prediction is that it seems like

it is a little bit tense between

950

the firm and the U S government.

951

So Stringfellow is definitely going to

get like a U S government antagonist.

952

Like he's going to be an FBI guy

or a military guy, but he's like

953

coming at Stringfellow several times.

954

Glo: I like it.

955

Beth: And then you know

what's gonna happen?

956

It's gonna turn into an

enemies to lovers situation.

957

They're gonna end up fucking.

958

Laura: Oh, we can only hope.

959

Beth: Stringfellow was gay,

960

and so is the FBI agent,

and now they're together.

961

The end.

962

Laura: Yeah.

963

Beth: He plays the violin.

964

Glo: This is the 80s.

965

They can't be gay.

966

Beth: They can

967

Laura: But there will be subtext, surely.

968

Beth: Yeah!

969

Homoerotic

970

Glo: Not in my macho man show.

971

Beth: This is America.

972

My pronouns are we the people.

973

Glo: God.

974

Laura: Okay.

975

Who's going to play us out?

976

Glo: We have to mash it, don't we?

977

Laura: Oh Yeah.

978

Yeah!

979

We got to mash this thing.

980

Glo: So do you want to explain what

you're doing to the, for the audience?

981

Beth: Okay, so right now I'm writing

out the name of the show, because

982

we're doing like a modified MASH.

983

Which is the game that teenage

984

So I'm writing, instead of MASH, I'm

writing out the name of the show.

985

And then I had Laura Tell me

when to stop for the rings.

986

Because you draw a swirl and

then you count the rings.

987

And then however many rings you count.

988

The different categories.

989

So I'm going to use that to figure out

how many episodes we're going to skip.

990

So one, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight, nine swirls.

991

All right, so we are going to

go ahead and skip six episodes.

992

Laura: Okay.

993

Beth: Is going to put us at,

994

okay first of all, we're missing an

episode called Daddy's Gone a Huntin so

995

I'm upset about that, but, let's see.

996

Glo: No!

997

Laura: man.

998

Beth: ha

999

Laura: should keep the backwards element.

00:43:57,525 --> 00:43:58,495

The randomness.

00:44:01,345 --> 00:44:02,915

So it's not gone forever.

00:44:02,915 --> 00:44:06,625

Beth: So we are going to watch

Episode 7, Fight Like a Dove.

00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:12,205

Hawk reluctantly agrees with

amused Dominic to be hired by cocky

00:44:12,205 --> 00:44:17,380

Israeli Nazi hunter Sarah LeBeau

Who seeks revenge on former Dachau

00:44:17,595 --> 00:44:17,625

Glo: god!

00:44:17,810 --> 00:44:21,250

Beth: commandant, Helmut Kruger.

00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:24,110

Who

00:44:24,855 --> 00:44:26,142

Glo: Oh

00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:27,700

Beth: baby!

00:44:28,420 --> 00:44:29,830

Laura: Okay.

00:44:31,390 --> 00:44:35,890

This won't be a complicated episode

with today's climate at all.

00:44:36,955 --> 00:44:38,615

Glo: you're right though.

00:44:38,615 --> 00:44:39,475

Laura: Totally fine.

00:44:39,695 --> 00:44:41,085

It's gonna be Totally fine.

00:44:41,085 --> 00:44:41,525

Glo: Alright,

00:44:41,525 --> 00:44:42,095

guys.

00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:43,200

Beth: yeah,

00:44:43,655 --> 00:44:44,165

Glo: Make sure to

00:44:44,165 --> 00:44:45,345

change your underwear.

00:44:45,345 --> 00:44:47,735

Beth: And don't leave

skid marks in your jeans.

00:44:47,735 --> 00:44:48,635

Cello music.

00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:49,780

Laura: Yeah.

00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,080

Beth: cello music here.

00:44:51,810 --> 00:44:52,860

Have a good week.