In this episode, the cool girls beef with Mermaid Man and camels. Oh and they finish off the pilot episode of Airwolf.
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To Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions, where we watch DoTV
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:quickly because we're busy professional
ladies with busy professional lives.
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:I'm Beth.
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:Laura: And I'm Laura.
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:Yeah.
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:Beth: Airwolf, Episode 1.
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:UGH!
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:Laura: Two parts guys.
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:Beth: Dear God, okay.
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:We
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:Laura: Where did we leave the air Wolf?
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:Everybody.
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:Beth: when it was about to
fire upon the American Star
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:Destroyer, but the water kind.
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:Laura: Yeah, unnamed, right?
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:We
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:don't get a name for the Star Destroyer.
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:Yeah.
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:Beth: we
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:Glo: But my notes say that
we see the missile, but then
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:it goes back to the eagle and
Stringfellow's playing his cello.
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:Laura: I think that's right.
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:I think depending on what method
you were using to watch this
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:pilot, you may or may not
have had a break here.
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:Mine had
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:a break with the opening again, like
the canyons and the lizard and whatnot.
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:Yeah.
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:And then it cut to Stringfellow
Hawk sitting on the dock
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:playing cello to the eagle.
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:Yeah.
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:Glo: so deep.
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:Beth: was just like, hey,
we're diving right in.
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:We're gonna
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:Explode that bad boy.
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:Glo: and mine wasn't even broken up, I'm
glad you guys knew where to look at it.
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:Laura: Yeah.
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:Beth: So anyway, the sailors
are having a very bad time.
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:And they're running around, and
the radar is picked up on a massive
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:fuck off missile coming their way.
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:And while that happens, some
Tron music from Wish plays.
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:Laura: Yeah.
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:Beth: as one of the co pilots
of Airwolf in his helmet
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:Glo: can it be Timu Tron?
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:Timu
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:Beth: T Mutron, I like
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:Glo: There you go.
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:Beth: Mutron, yeah.
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:Laura: Alliteration.
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:Beautiful.
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:Beth: love
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:Glo: like a billionaire.
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:There you go.
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:Sponsor us.
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:Beth: If a car company could sponsor
us, that would be super tight.
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:Mama wants a Bronco.
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:Okay.
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:Yeah.
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:It's so cute.
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:It's
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:Glo: really cute, but don't watch
any of the ta of the test crashes.
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:Those things fold, they
fold like an accordion.
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:Don't sue me, Bronco.
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:Laura: There goes our sponsorship.
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:Glo: You know
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:what's not cute?
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:Airwolf.
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:Beth: Thank you
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:Laura: The show or, the copter or,
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:Beth: Or the constant misogyny.
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:It's not.
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:No.
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:Laura: So everybody was
running around on the ship in a
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:panic.
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:Airwolf's co pilot was not cool with this.
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:He was like, are we really gonna,
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:are we really gonna?
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:Beth: But then he goes with it anyway and
he's wearing I love that their helmets
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:look like they're stolen straight from
like the Star Wars Empire Collection,
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:like they all just look like they're
about to fire on the Death Star.
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:Laura: It's like even one step down.
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:It's like the Spaceballs collection.
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:Glo: Yes.
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:Yes.
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:I
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:Laura: everybody's wearing the Spaceball.
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:Glo: we keep bringing it
back to fantasy and sci fi.
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:Beth: We are who we are.
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:Glo: We
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:Beth: if anyone has any good girly sci
fi recs for future movie breaks feel
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:Laura: Oh yeah, we'd take
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:Beth: know on the Discord right now.
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:Laura: Yeah, so they do
the thing, I don't know.
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:There's some kind of a cut.
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:I think.
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:Beth: And Mr.
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:Spaceballs Helmet goes, The missile has
detonated, as if we didn't notice by the
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:gigantic fucking explosion in the middle
of the ocean but yeah, and so then we go
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:to the eagle soaring and predatory hawk
once again playing the cello for it.
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:Glo: And,
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:Laura: there's some talk about he's
trying to get the eagle to trust him
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:by playing music for her.
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:And it's a metaphor for Gabrielle, right?
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:Beth: Yes, she's all Ooh, I
didn't know you serenaded eagles.
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:And we're all just supposed to forget
how last week he pinned her to a bed
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:and called her a whore and a liar.
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:And has just been like, aggressively
mean to her the entire time.
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:No wonder the eagle doesn't
want to hang out with you, dude.
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:Glo: Yep.
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:Laura: Yeah, I think the dog
gives a big sigh too, which is
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:about how I felt at this point.
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:Beth: Yeah.
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:Ted's not even here for predatory hawks.
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:Bullshit.
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:Glo: No.
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:Laura: I'm honestly not even sure
what happens in this next section
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:Beth: I had a,
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:Laura: all
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:I wrote in my notes is Ernest
Borgnine's character can fuck right
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:off with his views on women's lib.
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:So can you all enlighten
me on to why I wrote that?
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:Beth: Yes, I got the receipts right here.
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:Anyway, okay.
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:So anyway, Gabby's all
ooh yeah, I love you.
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:And then they make out, and
a delusional man wrote that.
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:And then mermaid man tries to
fly the merka hop copter onto
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:the dock, but the dog won't move.
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:And the scene takes forever.
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:And I think we're supposed to think
it's funny, but it just takes forever.
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:Like it's not funny and
somebody should have cut this.
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:Then,
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:Mermaid Man, oop, sorry,
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:Glo: go ahead.
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:Beth: and then Mermaid Man runs into
the cabin with a box and tells Predatory
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:Hawk that he's going to land on that dog.
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:Again, I think this is
supposed to be funny.
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:Gabby runs downstairs, pulling on a
sweatshirt, and she offers to help Mermaid
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:Man with his box and Mermaid Man goes,
quote, I don't believe in women's lib.
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:Laura: That would
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:be why I wrote that.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Beth: oh, don't worry,
Laura, it gets worse.
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:Laura: Sure.
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:Go ahead.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Beth: And then Gabby goes, what the fuck?
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:And Mermaid Man elaborates by saying
that he believes in keeping the
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:sexes the way, quote, God intended.
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:Glo: She is literally an amazing dancing
spy and you are a helicopter pilot.
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:Are you kidding me right now?
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:What?
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:Beth: And not even like
the good helicopter pilot.
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:It's giving Harrison, what
the fuck was his last name?
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:Bukacki?
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:Butker?
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:Whatever that guy.
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:Who's not a good kicker.
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:Yeah.
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:Laura: Yeah,
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:Beth: yeah.
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:Laura: Sports guy, but his mom is a PhD.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:His mom has like a physics PhD.
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:Like one of
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:the really hard ones.
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:I don't consider the one I'm
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:going to try one of the really hard ones
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:Beth: I do.
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:I consider any PhD a really hard
one, especially when involving math.
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:Laura: The hard sciences, man, and he
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:had the audacity, but
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:Glo: I didn't know that.
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:Beth: Yeah.
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:Laura: Yeah.
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:Beth: Yeah.
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:Laura: But Hawk also can fuck right off,
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:is the next thing I wrote.
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:And
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:I remember this part.
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:That he suggested Gabrielle cook dinner.
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:Because again, it's not good enough
that she's an amazing dancing spy,
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:she also has to cook the dinner.
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:Beth: She does.
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:Also, I think it's important to note that
there's a weird meat interaction here.
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:Yeah.
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:Cause Mermaid Man basically
explains away his misogyny by
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:saying, quote, It's my prerogative.
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:My dude, you just
microaggressioned all over Gabby.
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:And then went, oh,
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:it's my opinion, fuck off.
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:And then she's all it's all good as long
as you've got red meat, cause I've only
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:eaten vegetables for the last six days.
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:Glo: Skinny jokes.
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:More skinny women jokes.
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:Yikes.
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:Beth: Because you can't win either way.
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:But yeah.
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:Then he's all like, hey babe,
why don't you fix dinner?
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:Glo: What go out and leave her there?
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:Yeah, it's just really weird.
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:Beth: And then he tells her to
fix a steak for the dog as well.
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:Glo: So dog servant on top
of fantastic dancing spy
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:Beth: Yep.
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:Glo: this dog who also Like string fellow
says that he can just leave his dog
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:and it can hunt and be self sufficient
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:Beth: Yeah.
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:Sir, that's a dog, not a wolf.
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:Laura: And we must make the
woman subservient to it.
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:Even.
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:Though it is self sufficient,
but she needs to make it dinner.
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:Yeah.
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:Beth: Yeah.
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:And then, the menfolk go off to
the helicopter and do the zoomies.
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:And while they're on the
helicopter, Mermaid Man feels
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:the need to say, I like her.
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:She's a little skinny though.
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:Laura: Again,
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:there is no winning.
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:Glo: After
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:you starved her and berated her for
wanting to save a beautiful creature,
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:it's just Okay, if you're this manly
go hunt a moose for her or something.
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:What?
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:Beth: Yeah.
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:And it's it always just fills me
with rage when, as I'm sure it does
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:all of us, when men feel the need to
like comment on women's bodies and
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:when it's normalized in TV shows,
because it's just it's entitlement.
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:Like they are entitled to.
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:past judgment on somebody else's
body and somebody else's personality
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:and like all this shit and it's
just like you look like sweaty limp
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:lasagna what the fuck have you done
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:Laura: And they use it as a way to
diminish any accomplishment a woman has,
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:Oh, she's an amazing dancing
spy, but she's a little skinny.
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:She's done great things as a politician
and world leader, but she's fat.
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:Fuck off.
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:Fuck off.
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:Beth: Yeah like we are not superheroes
we are people chilled fuck out like
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:Laura: huh.
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:Going after anybody in the
public eye's body, I've
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:seen it done to men as well.
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:It seems like it is a faster
trigger for people, for a woman,
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:But this, we do it to men
too oh, he's a fat guy, ha,
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:Beth: But it's more
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:Laura: body is not the person.
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:Beth: Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Laura: much, a much faster
trigger for most people.
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:If it's a woman, they're like, oh.
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:Too fat, too tall, too
frizzy, too something.
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:She's just wrong.
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:She's just no way.
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:There's no perfect woman.
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:Glo: I have a note that
says Valley of the Gods,
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:Beth: Yes.
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:Glo: so
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:we're back there.
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:Beth: Yeah they fly into the Valley of
the Gods and it's so cold, and they talk
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:about how cold it is, and then they go,
even the Native Americans don't go here
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:and which is just a weird thing to say
and, then they return from the flying.
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:Because they fly into a cavern, and then
it cuts to them returning, and I'm not
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:really sure what the point of that was.
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:Laura: I think, were they talking
at this point about their plan?
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:They were plotting to arrange, yeah.
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:they're going to meet up in Tripoli.
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:I
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:don't think that the firm knows
that Ernest is going to be involved,
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:that Mermaid Man is involved.
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:And they're going to meet there
and they're trying to do something
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:with the helicopter on their own.
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:Beth: Yes, and we're
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:not
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:Glo: in comes eighties Colonel Sanders.
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:Beth: 80s Colonel Sanders has returned!
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:Glo: Is in
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:the cabin.
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:Beth: Eating that dinner and informs
Predatory Hawk that they will be
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:moving up the timetable to find Airwolf
because the President's real pissed
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:off, and the Star Destroyer, but on
water, um, got blown up, so now the
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:President's really pissed off, and he's
threatening to send in the Marines in
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:48 hours if they don't find Errol first.
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:And then it'll be the start
of World War III, which has,
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:Glo: it's all on the cello player.
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:Beth: Yes.
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:Always, it's always on
the cello player, man.
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:Bass clef is best clef.
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:Bam!
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:Glo: Note that says that
he punches the colonel.
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:Did that happen?
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:I think I was so fatigued at the
end of the this watch session.
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:I was just like whoa
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:Beth: because okay so he's all
so the colonel's all, he's all
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:like, Where the fuck is Gabby?
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:And, Colonel Sanders is yo, I
sent her ahead and he was like,
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:why did you leave her for a week?
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:And Colonel Sanders
was like, to brief you.
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:And I feel like there was an
innuendo in there, but I don't know.
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:Everything in the 80s was weirdly sexual.
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:So who knows?
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:And then he was like,
why did you take my art?
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:He was all like, that wasn't my idea.
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:That was the firm.
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:And then predatory Hawk says, I
could have taken it out on Gabby.
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:Laura: Huh.
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:He did say that.
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:I wrote that part down.
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:Beth: Yes.
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:And then he, and then
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:Colonel Sanders was like, did you?
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:And he was like, no.
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:And then he punches Colonel Sanders.
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:And then my blood turned to ice water
because I'm pretty sure we're supposed
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:to the implication is that we're,
like, supposed to think that Predatory
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:Hawk is such a good guy because he
didn't beat the shit out of Gabby
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:for something that wasn't her fault.
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:Yeah.
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:Laura: Yeah.
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:he's such a
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:good guy restraining
himself for this woman.
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:Yeah.
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:Huh.
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:Okay.
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:Beth: Who's,
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:Been subsisting on vegetables
and nothing else for six days.
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:Jesus Christ.
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:Glo: We're only on the first episode,
guys, and we're already getting all this.
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:Geez.
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:Beth: know, I
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:Laura: So we head out.
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:I guess we're at some sort of military
facility where he gets his cover stuff.
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:Beth: Yes,
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:Laura: only thing I wrote down
from this scene Oh, he's in Paris?
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:Okay.
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:The
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:most important thing that I took
away from this scene was that
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:Stringfellow Hawk never wears underwear,
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:which sounds uncomfortable.
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:Beth: That is in fact the most important
thing I took away from this scene as well.
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:Cause he comes in his
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:Laura: Hard to not, yeah.
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:Haha.
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:Beth: in this very frumpy suit that
she is so much better than tells
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:him to strip.
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:Yeah.
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:And he's all the fuck, which, fair.
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:And then she's we've got 16 minutes,
get the fuck out of your pilot suit.
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:And then she hands, she like, briefs
him, and she tells him he's got 10
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:minutes to read till chapter 10 in
some book to get his cover story right.
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:And that she's got all this money for
him, and she's got a cover for him,
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:so like an ID and letters and stuff.
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:And then she tells him that she's also
got A suitcase full of clothes for him.
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:They are all used, including
the underwear I'm afraid.
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:And then he says, It's cool.
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:I don't wear underwear.
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:And so I have a question.
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:Where the fuck did they get these clothes?
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:Are we to take from this that
they stole somebody's jerseys?
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:And didn't launder them.
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:And if so, What happened to her?
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:Glo: Ugh.
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:Oh,
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:Laura: It's the last
spy, obviously, right?
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:The last dude spy that got, and when
we recovered his body, we just took
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:the stuff off and stuck it in a pile
and now we're going to use it again.
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:Waste not, want not, guys.
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:Beth: Don't you kinda sometimes
shit yourself when you die?
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:Is there poop?
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:Is there
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:a poop situation?
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:Laura: said used.
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:Yeah.
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:Beth: I guess it's a good thing.
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:What we should all take from this
episode is that if you're a spy, and
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:your handler gives you a suitcase full
of used clothes and she tells you that
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:the underwear is used, it has poop in it.
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:So you're now a commando, girly.
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:Glo: I'm so worried for Gabi if they
had continued their relationship,
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:her just grilling steaks and
cleaning skid marks out of his jeans.
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:Laura: Oh,
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:Beth: Oh, he definitely is one of those
guys who has an unwashed ass, for sure.
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:Laura: I don't know, maybe the
end of this pilot is a relief.
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:Glo: Yeah, girl,
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:we find out that Angela is
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:dead
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:Laura: It's
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:Glo: and that our new operative is,
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:Beth: Gabby!
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:Gabrielle!
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:Glo: Gabrielle
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:Beth: Oh,
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:Glo: also a sexy dancer.
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:Beth: Sexy dancer.
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:I see that I wrote after about
the underwear situation, quote,
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:I don't wear underwear, I need
a lobotomy after the show.
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:Glo: God.
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:Beth: love that.
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:Glo: Cause he's
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:always ready for sex.
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:Beth: Wouldn't it smell like pee?
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:Don't dudes not wipe after they piss?
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:So is he just wiping his little
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:Glo: Can we call him
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:Beth: situation?
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:Glo: Can we call him Skidmark Hawk now?
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:Skidmark
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:Gross Cock.
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:I don't know.
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:Oh, jeez.
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:Beth: Now Gabby is doing sexy arm dancing.
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:In place of Angela, and we find
out that Moffat thought that Angela
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:was very fragile and Gabby seems
more robust because they've already
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:made her because she was sent in.
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:By the same theatrical company
that sent in Angela, so they
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:already know she's a spy.
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:The firm is very bad at being a secretive,
undercover, weird, shady agency,
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:and they should feel bad about it.
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:Sigh.
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:Yes.
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:Laura: 101, right?
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:Spy 101?
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:Diversify your backstories?
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:Glo: Yup.
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:Beth: She should come from a
completely different place.
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:What the fuck?
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:But anyway, Moffat goes,
she's more substantial.
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:And then I threw up in
my mouth a little bit.
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:Laura: But we were just
told she's so skinny!
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:Beth: Angela
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:was skinnier.
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:Glo: thick.
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:Oh, ha.
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:Beth: It's all that red meat.
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:Laura: or is she substantial?
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:I don't
437
:know.
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:Beth: Was Angela just
made out of bird bones?
439
:Was she, they looked like
they were about the same, but
440
:I'm not a man, so clearly I don't
have the aptitude for such things.
441
:So anyway,
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:Glo: Anyway,
443
:Dom shows up.
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:Beth: Ooh, yes!
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:Who's down?
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:Glo: He's early.
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:Beth: Oh,
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:shit, Mermaid Man!
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:Cool cool.
450
:Okay, yeah.
451
:Glo: in the alley.
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:Beth: Yes.
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:Yes.
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:Although, before we get to the
alley, though Angela goes backstage.
455
:She's super sweaty, because she did
all that really intense arm dancing.
456
:And then, who should come
in but Skidmark Hawk?
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:And he's all Hey.
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:baby.
459
:Hey.
460
:What the fuck are you doing here?
461
:Even though he just got briefed.
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:And she's all My job!
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:And I'm like, Fuck yeah!
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:And then they,
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:Glo: Guys,
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:Does that mean that
Stringfellow can't read?
467
:Can that be headcanon?
468
:That he's just illiterate?
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:Laura: yes, that
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:can be.
471
:Glo: Amazing.
472
:Beth: read!
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:I'm here for it!
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:Yes!
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:He's the father of Leo Michelle,
and that's why she can't read,
476
:cause no one ever taught her,
cause her dad couldn't read either.
477
:Conspiracy theory.
478
:It's there.
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:Glo: my.
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:Yeah.
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:Beth: Anyway yeah, and then, he's all
Hey, don't die, and you gotta get on this
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:plane, cause it's not safe, and then she's
all I promise I won't die, and at that
483
:point, we all know that Gabby's gonna die.
484
:Gabrielle.
485
:. Laura: Yeah.
486
:Glo: Yep.
487
:Cause we have to keep Stringfellow and
not the awesome, sexy, dancing spy.
488
:Laura: Yeah.
489
:This would be terrible if it
was a sexy dancing spy show.
490
:Just the worst
491
:Beth: Yeah.
492
:Jesus Christ.
493
:I have a feeling, and this is like I
guess my prediction for the rest of the
494
:show, it's going to be one of those James
Bond situations where it's just going
495
:to be some new babe du jour every week
and then she's either going to disappear
496
:or die under tragic circumstances.
497
:The show feels very like it's
going to throw away women.
498
:Laura: Yeah.
499
:Precedent set, right?
500
:Beth: Yeah.
501
:Then she's all Gabrielle's all it's
on site with Moffat and that's fair.
502
:And then she tells him where she
tells Skidmark Hawk where Airwolf is.
503
:And then she says she'll
meet him the next day by two.
504
:So again, she is going to die.
505
:So yeah, then Skidmark Hawk.
506
:leaves the club, runs into Mermaid Man,
they run from the cops, I don't know
507
:why, and then we end up in a car where
Mermaid Man casually tells Skidmark
508
:Hawk that Mermaid Man and Skidmark
Hawk's dad had a threesome with a
509
:lady who vibrated like a jackhammer.
510
:Glo: Yeah, he talked about, I don't know,
it was like Latin America or something
511
:like that and he just starts talking
about his dad's conquests and ugh.
512
:Laura: Yeah.
513
:And.
514
:The whole conversation is much
too loud for this backseat.
515
:There is no way these
police are not that dumb.
516
:They would have heard this.
517
:Glo: Yep.
518
:I
519
:also want to mention the camel cameos.
520
:Beth: yes.
521
:Glo: Do you guys
522
:notice The adorable camels?
523
:Beth: I did.
524
:Laura: I missed it.
525
:Yeah.
526
:Beth: I have a beef with camels.
527
:One spit on me when I was four.
528
:For no reason.
529
:Unprovoked.
530
:Glo: a, that's not just a
thing that happens in cartoons.
531
:Beth: Nope.
532
:It happened to toddler me.
533
:And so anyway, camels are dead to me.
534
:All other animals are cute,
but camels can get fucked.
535
:Glo: Okay.
536
:Beth: That's my weird beef.
537
:Laura: We have some
healing to do around that.
538
:This is probably not the podcast for that
539
:though.
540
:Beth: Nah.
541
:Welcome to
542
:Cool Girls Don't Look at Explosions,
where we will heal in hell.
543
:Okay, so anyway.
544
:Then there are camels, yes.
545
:And then we find out.
546
:It cuts back to Gabrielle who's being
detained by some Libyan soldiers and she's
547
:being questioned and they're like we know
you're a spy and she's no, I'm a dancer.
548
:And then Moffat slimes his way in
behind her and puts his hand on her
549
:shoulder and is all I can assist Gabby.
550
:And then cut to another
Star Destroyer but in water.
551
:Where some dude is rehashing the
plan and says our boys will go in.
552
:And a woman in a suit says,
and women are part of our boys
553
:and one has already died for the
554
:Glo: I went back, Our boys include
women, one of whom has already
555
:given her life in this mission.
556
:Is this the same lady
who told him to strip
557
:and gave him the briefing?
558
:Okay, they
559
:Laura: Oh,
560
:Glo: her a name yet.
561
:Beth: No, they
562
:Laura: I just wrote that she seemed to
be one of the firm's ladies, and she was
563
:calling out military misogyny and the
habit of addressing everyone as men by
564
:default.
565
:Glo: So does this
566
:mean that their writers
know what they're doing?
567
:Laura: Is this
568
:the secret feminism again,
569
:this part is not so Secret
570
:Yeah,
571
:Beth: Secret feminism.
572
:But yeah, and then dude's all
oh, it's just a figure of speech.
573
:Again, just excusing the
microaggressions that are happening here.
574
:Glo: Just locker room talk.
575
:Beth: right?
576
:Boys will be boys.
577
:Motherfucker.
578
:And then we cut to Moffat in the desert.
579
:And , my heart sank, because I already
knew this is, and then we pan to
580
:Gabi.
581
:Glo: up to a jeep.
582
:Beth: And she's
583
:not having
584
:Glo: in her Slave Leia costume.
585
:Yeah.
586
:Beth: Ugh, yeah.
587
:And she's already
588
:kinda getting a little bit of a sunburn.
589
:Glo: Yeah, they did a pretty good
job with that makeup like you
590
:could she looked like
she was suffering and
591
:Laura: Oh yeah.
592
:Glo: They do a good job
cutting up her chest area to
593
:show that she's gotten,
beaten a little bit.
594
:Beth: Yeah.
595
:And then we cut back to Mermaid Man and
Skidmark Hawk checking out an Italian base
596
:after following a Russian chopper there.
597
:And then we cut back to
Moffat still torturing Gabby.
598
:Laura: Paused here and did a Google.
599
:This is the second time I had
to do a Google about the actors.
600
:If you remember I've discovered that our
string fellow guy actually was a jealous.
601
:When Ernest Borgnine
went into the Italian.
602
:I was like, this is wicked good.
603
:Why is this so wicked good?
604
:He was born Hermes Efron Borginio.
605
:Yes.
606
:So he appears to be of that generation
that like, Born immigrant, gone to
607
:Hollywood, had to Americanize myself to
make myself a name and be a big actor.
608
:And god damn it, I wish I hadn't known
that, because then I felt just a tiny
609
:bit more sympathetic to Ernest Borgnine,
610
:Beth: Yeah, man.
611
:Laura: how he had to cut
that part of himself,
612
:Do the Hollywood thing,
and it's ah, damn it.
613
:Beth: cause and that's
a cool as fuck name.
614
:I wanted him to keep that.
615
:Shit.
616
:Yeah.
617
:Let's see.
618
:Yeah, I'd be second gen.
619
:Second gen American.
620
:And I still know.
621
:A little bit of Maltese, it's
mostly stuff I can't see in public
622
:because my grandmother swore like
a sailor, but Yeah, you pick that
623
:Laura: Cool grandma.
624
:Yeah.
625
:Beth:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
626
:CH!
627
:Glo: Did you guys see that Stringfellow
gets a sneaky peep of Airwolf?
628
:Beth: Yes.
629
:Glo: Before we go back to
Gabrielle in the desert, which, is
630
:this another trigger
warning we have to drop?
631
:Beth: I think
632
:so?
633
:I was gonna drop
634
:Glo: okay?
635
:I'm just yeah drop it
636
:Beth: Yeah.
637
:Trigger warning We are
talking about torturing women.
638
:The abuse of women.
639
:Yeah.
640
:Glo: and
641
:guys sexual assault Did you
guys not pick up on that?
642
:Laura: I wrote down is he
untying her ankles to rape her.
643
:Glo: I put that is he going to rape her?
644
:And I'm
645
:pretty sure the answer is yes he undoes
her ankles and then the next time we see
646
:her she is splayed out on the ground.
647
:Laura: Yeah.
648
:I think that's the implication.
649
:Pretty strong for the nineties.
650
:Oh, this was the eighties.
651
:Glo: the 80s.
652
:Beth: Ooooooh.
653
:Glo: Yeah.
654
:Laura: And obviously when he was
talking about how fragile Angela
655
:was, I was pretty sure that was a
reference to the same criminal act.
656
:So
657
:Glo: Yep.
658
:Yes.
659
:Exactly.
660
:Beth: I was
661
:Glo: There's that.
662
:Beth: yeah.
663
:Mmmmm.
664
:Glo: Having her gun, having a
gun pointed at her head, she
665
:has sun blisters at this point.
666
:They do a really good job.
667
:Whoever did the makeup for her
really made it look like she was
668
:getting sunburn and sun blisters.
669
:Laura: Yeah.
670
:It looked awful.
671
:Beth: And then we cut back to
Skidmark Hawk and Mermaid Man rolling
672
:up on the other two Americans who
stole Airwolf, talking about how
673
:Moffat has Gabrielle tied up and
is torturing her in a sand dune.
674
:Skidmark Hawk is gonna make
these dudes talk, clearly.
675
:And then we cut back to Moffat
and Gabrielle, who is looking
676
:very near death at this point.
677
:Then we cut back to Mermaid Man
and Skidmark Hawk and they've taken
678
:Airwolf and they're gonna shoot their
way out, obviously, because what the
679
:fuck show are we watching if not?
680
:Glo: first we got to talk
about the really bad karate
681
:Like, Stringfellow just karate's five
guys and shoots them, and then he gets in
682
:with Dom, who is whoa, there's a lot of
controls in this thing, and they take off,
683
:and then they start shooting everybody.
684
:It's just oh, what 11 year old wrote this?
685
:I'm gonna karate them, and then I'm
going to take my guns, and then I'm
686
:gonna shoot you with my machine guns.
687
:It's gonna be great.
688
:Laura: These were the machine
guns we didn't get from Viper.
689
:Beth: Yeah, dude!
690
:Could have cut half of this machine gun
budget, given it to Viper, and then the
691
:Leather Daddy situation would badass.
692
:Not that
693
:Leather Daddies aren't badass,
because they are, but Anyway.
694
:Glo: Talking
695
:about Leather Daddies,
696
:Dom gets the video working.
697
:Do you like that?
698
:Beth: 10,
699
:Glow.
700
:10 out of 10.
701
:Glo: Thank you.
702
:I appreciate it.
703
:And who do they see on the view
704
:screen?
705
:Beth: they see Gabrielle.
706
:Glo: Yes.
707
:Tied up in the sand.
708
:Beth: And she,
709
:Glo: yeah.
710
:Beth: cause Moffat rolled out of
there in his Lawrence of Arabia jeep
711
:with a machine gun attached to it.
712
:Glo: Mm
713
:hmm.
714
:Laura: Yeah.
715
:Beth: And then Gabrielle says
she really wants to see an
716
:eagle again, and then she dies.
717
:Glo: Before this Stringfellow
gets up and cuddles her.
718
:Mermaidman brings a jug of water.
719
:All he does is wet her lips.
720
:Doesn't give her any.
721
:She's still alive, if
you guys noticed that.
722
:And
723
:she's just duh, and he's I love
you, not getting her into the
724
:shade, not giving her any water.
725
:Come on!
726
:Laura: Why are we not, there's two
able bodied, theoretically, men here.
727
:Why are we not putting her in
the helicopter immediately?
728
:Beth: Yes.
729
:Glo: Yep,
730
:Beth: just photosynthesizes For
nutrients, as all women in the 80s did.
731
:So obviously, she weighs nothing.
732
:So they could have just lifted her into
the air Like, into airwolf, but whatever.
733
:Laura: Yeah.
734
:I was pretty mad.
735
:Glo: yeah, seriously, it was like,
they could, they got her in time.
736
:They could have gotten some liquids
into her, but she had to die in this
737
:crappy dude's arms, and she's mumbling
about eagles, and then he gets angry at
738
:her and says, she promised me, damn it.
739
:Laura: Also, we've already established
Stringfellow's tragic thing with
740
:he's got his brother who's MIA.
741
:Did we really need to fridge a woman
in this first episode in order to
742
:give him some motivation and stuff?
743
:Glo: I literally wrote in, I wrote
in all caps, everyone he loves dies.
744
:Guys.
745
:Beth: I just wrote
746
:Why must we sacrifice the lady again?
747
:But yeah, that's why I think they're
just gonna kill off all of his
748
:love interests from here on out.
749
:They're not gonna kill
off his brother though.
750
:He's gonna find his brother and
everything's gonna be fine there.
751
:But his brother's gonna be like
evil or something, I'm pretty sure.
752
:Yeah.
753
:So anyway, yes.
754
:Yes, I also wrote, she
promised me, dammit!
755
:So then Moffat is fast and
furiousing through the desert,
756
:and Airwolf is in pursuit, and
then a helicopter gets blowed up.
757
:And then another
758
:one gets blowed
759
:Glo: there's,
760
:But not Airwolf.
761
:These are the Libyan
762
:copters that they said were
probably Russian copters.
763
:Laura: Yeah
764
:Beth: up
765
:Glo: a missile.
766
:Yes.
767
:Beth: Yeah.
768
:But after the copters, though.
769
:, it's tank time, bitch!
770
:As you can see I wrote,
really big tank time, bitch.
771
:Cause, cause they brought out the tanks.
772
:It was very like a 5 year old
wrote this, and Henry had written
773
:this, and was just like, Mashing
a copter into a tank arrggghhh!
774
:Glo: Gonna be seeing more tanks.
775
:Oh,
776
:Beth: do think it was
weird that you didn't hear.
777
:Any cannon fire from the tanks.
778
:Like I feel like the sound designer just
got really bored with this project and
779
:forgot to put sound in there.
780
:And then, as Glow is saying, you go glow
781
:Glo: that there's a missile that is
launched and it looks like Airwolf
782
:has been blown up and Moffat is ha.
783
:I win and then it comes
up over a sand dune
784
:Moffat at this point is angry and
we get a call back to the time when
785
:Moffat was telling us that the only
way to shoot down an is to shoot up
786
:the butthole of the fuel hole, and that
he's gunnin for it with his hand pistol.
787
:And Stringfellow is just shooting
at him and that he runs out
788
:of ammo and his hand is still
shooting because Gabrielle is dead.
789
:Beth: Everyone he loves dies.
790
:He's tragic.
791
:R.
792
:I.
793
:P.
794
:Skidmarkhawk.
795
:You would have really
loved Hawthorne Heights.
796
:Yes.
797
:But also, R.
798
:The gun choice.
799
:I know it's metaphorical and shit, and we
talked about it earlier, but Motherfucker
800
:has a goddamn big ass, machine lookin
gun on the back of his Jeep, and he's
801
:really gonna pull out his little baby gun?
802
:Laura: Huh.
803
:He brought a pistol to a helicopter fight,
804
:Beth: Exactly!
805
:Yeah!
806
:Glo: Yup.
807
:Beth: That's the shirt
right there at Iguana.
808
:Yeah!
809
:Moffat, I don't know, but he dead now.
810
:Cause he got nuked.
811
:He's probably not dead
though, to be honest.
812
:He's This is probably Aha!
813
:He totally got blowed
up, but he's not dead.
814
:Let's be real.
815
:That is my other prediction.
816
:He's gonna come back and
817
:just be
818
:Laura: think he's coming back?
819
:Glo: Oh.
820
:Beth: Cause we don't see a body.
821
:Laura: Okay.
822
:Glo: Are We going to make, are we going
to make predictions like the boys?
823
:Beth: We could.
824
:We could call them our totally
cute predictions or something.
825
:Yeah.
826
:Laura: We're almost,
827
:there.
828
:we're
829
:Glo: almost, we're so close.
830
:Beth: Yeah.
831
:We
832
:Glo: They borrow an F14.
833
:Beth: Yes.
834
:Glo: cute predictions.
835
:Okay.
836
:Cool.
837
:Beth: Although, okay, so Archangel
is all like, yelling at somebody
838
:into the phone, and then he turns
to the one dude and is just Hey, may
839
:I please borrow an F 14 from you?
840
:And they're like, cool,
841
:and so he does.
842
:I I guess that's how you borrow one.
843
:Victor, if you could let us know if
that's how one goes about borrowing
844
:an F 14, that would be lovely.
845
:I need one.
846
:For
847
:science.
848
:Laura: Yeah.
849
:Yeah.
850
:Hit us in the discord.
851
:Yeah.
852
:Beth: and then Mermaid Man
drops Skidmark Hawk back off.
853
:Archangel is in the cabin and has
returned skid mock hawk's, art skid.
854
:Mark Hawk won't tell Archangel
where Airwolf is because
855
:he wants his brother back.
856
:So he is like holding a hostage basically.
857
:And Archangel says basically every agency
is angry and that they're gonna try to
858
:find it this whole time and they're gonna
try to get the information out of him.
859
:But that they're probably not gonna
stop looking for his brother now.
860
:And that Hawk will be protected
if he works for the firm.
861
:And Hawk is I don't know.
862
:Then Archangel asks if Gabrielle suffered.
863
:And Hawk's Nope!
864
:Nope!
865
:Everything was chill,
866
:Glo: he was covering or does
he really think that she didn't
867
:suffer or is he covering because
Archangel and Gabriel were close?
868
:Beth: I think
869
:Laura: I guess he's covering.
870
:but I was like, why would you do this?
871
:Why?
872
:Glo: You would want to know if you're
operative and how, like, how they went
873
:out and if they were tortured, right?
874
:Laura: Yeah, it really
875
:shows how this time period or
this organization or this show
876
:does not value the lives of
877
:women because we throw them into
these they're a vulnerable person as
878
:the half naked woman, dancing spy.
879
:And we throw two of them at a madman,
880
:Beth: Yeah.
881
:Laura: and let him rape and murder
them, and then we lie for each other's
882
:comfort that there was no suffering.
883
:Fuck.
884
:Off.
885
:Glo: When you put it like that, Laura,
886
:Beth: this damn
887
:Glo: But the person
888
:Laura: have feelings.
889
:Glo: Yeah.
890
:Beth: I agree with your
891
:Glo: we should feel bad, though
892
:Beth: sorry.
893
:Glo: The person
894
:we should feel bad for, though, is
Stringfellow, who is crying on the dock.
895
:Not just little tears, but, there could
be a snot bubble, and I would have
896
:been okay with it that many tears.
897
:and
898
:playing the
899
:Beth: he plays, yeah.
900
:Glo: the eagle again.
901
:Beth: In the sunset this time.
902
:Cause the metaphors in this show,
903
:they're heavy handed.
904
:But, yeah.
905
:Maybe it's the first
time he's cried in years.
906
:Maybe this is like A moment
of catharsis for him.
907
:He could just go to therapy,
908
:Laura: guess.
909
:Beth: but Sure.
910
:I think it would have been really cool
911
:Laura: their weak, long
lover in Libya than go
912
:to
913
:Beth: ha ha ha
914
:Ha
915
:Glo: think that should also be a thing.
916
:What are men more willing
to do than go to therapy?
917
:This episode, it is have
your lover die in Libya.
918
:Beth: But, yeah I think it would
have been really cool if the
919
:dock had exploded at this point.
920
:But, fine.
921
:We just got a freeze
frame on an eagle instead.
922
:Laura: The end.
923
:Beth: The end.
924
:I guess it's, yeah, that's it.
925
:But did we want to do some totally
cute predictions for this season?
926
:Glo: Yeah.
927
:Let's do it.
928
:Do we each want to do one or?
929
:Laura: I think one's all I got in me.
930
:Yeah.
931
:Glo: Yeah, that
932
:Beth: I can do one.
933
:Glo: I'll do mine first.
934
:This is Glow.
935
:My prediction is
936
:that we are going to see many episodes
end at the cabin with Stringfellow
937
:sadly playing his cello and more
than one female is going to get
938
:played out by Stringfellow's cello.
939
:Laura: Oh the rhyme on that.
940
:Superb.
941
:Glo: The mellow Stringfellow cello.
942
:Laura: Just gets better.
943
:Beth: That's his Duke Silver.
944
:My prediction is that we have
not seen the end of Moffat
945
:and that he will end up Either
946
:directly or indirectly being the over
arguing bad guy for at least this
947
:first season, if not the whole show.
948
:Laura: Okay.
949
:My prediction is that it seems like
it is a little bit tense between
950
:the firm and the U S government.
951
:So Stringfellow is definitely going to
get like a U S government antagonist.
952
:Like he's going to be an FBI guy
or a military guy, but he's like
953
:coming at Stringfellow several times.
954
:Glo: I like it.
955
:Beth: And then you know
what's gonna happen?
956
:It's gonna turn into an
enemies to lovers situation.
957
:They're gonna end up fucking.
958
:Laura: Oh, we can only hope.
959
:Beth: Stringfellow was gay,
960
:and so is the FBI agent,
and now they're together.
961
:The end.
962
:Laura: Yeah.
963
:Beth: He plays the violin.
964
:Glo: This is the 80s.
965
:They can't be gay.
966
:Beth: They can
967
:Laura: But there will be subtext, surely.
968
:Beth: Yeah!
969
:Homoerotic
970
:Glo: Not in my macho man show.
971
:Beth: This is America.
972
:My pronouns are we the people.
973
:Glo: God.
974
:Laura: Okay.
975
:Who's going to play us out?
976
:Glo: We have to mash it, don't we?
977
:Laura: Oh Yeah.
978
:Yeah!
979
:We got to mash this thing.
980
:Glo: So do you want to explain what
you're doing to the, for the audience?
981
:Beth: Okay, so right now I'm writing
out the name of the show, because
982
:we're doing like a modified MASH.
983
:Which is the game that teenage
girls played in the early:
984
:So I'm writing, instead of MASH, I'm
writing out the name of the show.
985
:And then I had Laura Tell me
when to stop for the rings.
986
:Because you draw a swirl and
then you count the rings.
987
:And then however many rings you count.
988
:The different categories.
989
:So I'm going to use that to figure out
how many episodes we're going to skip.
990
:So one, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine swirls.
991
:All right, so we are going to
go ahead and skip six episodes.
992
:Laura: Okay.
993
:Beth: Is going to put us at,
994
:okay first of all, we're missing an
episode called Daddy's Gone a Huntin so
995
:I'm upset about that, but, let's see.
996
:Glo: No!
997
:Laura: man.
998
:Beth: ha
999
:Laura: should keep the backwards element.
:
00:43:57,525 --> 00:43:58,495
The randomness.
:
00:44:01,345 --> 00:44:02,915
So it's not gone forever.
:
00:44:02,915 --> 00:44:06,625
Beth: So we are going to watch
Episode 7, Fight Like a Dove.
:
00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:12,205
Hawk reluctantly agrees with
amused Dominic to be hired by cocky
:
00:44:12,205 --> 00:44:17,380
Israeli Nazi hunter Sarah LeBeau
Who seeks revenge on former Dachau
:
00:44:17,595 --> 00:44:17,625
Glo: god!
:
00:44:17,810 --> 00:44:21,250
Beth: commandant, Helmut Kruger.
:
00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:24,110
Who
:
00:44:24,855 --> 00:44:26,142
Glo: Oh
:
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:27,700
Beth: baby!
:
00:44:28,420 --> 00:44:29,830
Laura: Okay.
:
00:44:31,390 --> 00:44:35,890
This won't be a complicated episode
with today's climate at all.
:
00:44:36,955 --> 00:44:38,615
Glo: you're right though.
:
00:44:38,615 --> 00:44:39,475
Laura: Totally fine.
:
00:44:39,695 --> 00:44:41,085
It's gonna be Totally fine.
:
00:44:41,085 --> 00:44:41,525
Glo: Alright,
:
00:44:41,525 --> 00:44:42,095
guys.
:
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:43,200
Beth: yeah,
:
00:44:43,655 --> 00:44:44,165
Glo: Make sure to
:
00:44:44,165 --> 00:44:45,345
change your underwear.
:
00:44:45,345 --> 00:44:47,735
Beth: And don't leave
skid marks in your jeans.
:
00:44:47,735 --> 00:44:48,635
Cello music.
:
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:49,780
Laura: Yeah.
:
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,080
Beth: cello music here.
:
00:44:51,810 --> 00:44:52,860
Have a good week.