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What Are We Looking Forward to in 2023?
Episode 243rd January 2023 • Ongoing Mastery: Presenting & Speaking • Kirsten Rourke
00:00:00 00:17:23

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In this week's episode of Ongoing Mastery: Presenting & Speaking, Kirsten and Kellie talk about an idea they’ve been hearing a lot about, that you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. But did you know that research shows that the influence is wider than just 5 people? They also share how each of them is starting off 2023. Tell us how you’re beginning the new year in the comments!

Key take-aways:

  • Research shows how your community affects your own health and outlook
  • Research also shows that heart rate variability is an effective tool for mental health
  • Kellie’s word for 2023 is “joy”

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Read a transcript of this episode: https://share.descript.com/view/lUkvymGsa6X

For the video version of this episode: https://youtu.be/b-en601_gCI

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirstenrourke/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kirstenmalenarourke

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kirstenrourke?lang=en

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Looking for a kick-ass speaking group? Use our affiliate link to join Innovation Women: https://bit.ly/innovationwomen


Need a speaking coach or looking for speaking courses? Here's our affiliate link for Kirsten's speaking coach, Tim David: https://bit.ly/3eCUFPy


Transcripts

Kirsten:

Hello, everyone and welcome to Ongoing Mastery:

Kirsten:

Presenting & Speaking, season three.

Kirsten:

Hi, Kellie.

Kellie:

Hey, how are you, Kirsten?

Kirsten:

Oh, my God.

Kirsten:

So, we've done the thing.

Kirsten:

We've made it to a new season.

Kirsten:

Go us.

Kellie:

That's awesome.

Kirsten:

So, I will lightly ask, the holidays have been interesting,

Kellie:

Yes

Kirsten:

How, how, are you recovered from your holidays?

Kellie:

I am recovered from my holidays, yes.

Kellie:

I had a nice chance to relax with my husband and teenager,

Kellie:

and that was a good reset.

Kirsten:

Yes.

Kirsten:

So, speaking of reset, give me this concept around this word

Kirsten:

that is the focus for 2023.

Kirsten:

I love this concept.

Kirsten:

So what is this?

Kirsten:

What is this word?

Kellie:

Sure.

Kellie:

So, lots of folks do this.

Kellie:

Pick a word at the end of the previous year that's going to be your focus

Kellie:

word for the year that's starting.

Kellie:

And you put that word on a sticky note or a sign.

Kellie:

You put it somewhere where you can see it daily.

Kellie:

And you use it as a gut check, measuring stick, whatever makes sense for you, is

Kellie:

the thing you're about to do in keeping with the word of the year, right,

Kirsten:

Mmm-hmm

Kellie:

Is that word of the year guiding you?

Kellie:

Are you letting it guide you?

Kellie:

Or are you kind of just off doing your thing, right.

Kellie:

And so it's intended, intended to be a kind of ongoing mindfulness

Kellie:

exercise where you're, keep checking in with yourself and not just kind

Kellie:

of running on the hamster wheel.

Kirsten:

So

Kellie:

I've done this before.

Kirsten:

Okay

Kellie:

I had picked, I had picked for 2019,

Kirsten:

Mm-hmm

Kellie:

The year of my illness and then my father-in-law's passing, it would come

Kellie:

to be, but I had picked "thrive" for 2019.

Kirsten:

Okay.

Kellie:

And then, having thrived, very beginning of 2020, picked "resilience."

Kirsten:

Oh

Kellie:

Spolier alert on that.

Kirsten:

Kellie:

Kirsten:

Gee, that came up for a lot of people, didn't it?

Kellie:

It turns out, it did.

Kirsten:

Yeah

Kellie:

And then I haven't picked a new one, because I've sort of

Kellie:

been, sort of stuck in resilience.

Kellie:

That's a weird phrase.

Kirsten:

Mmm

Kellie:

But anyway, a friend was posting on LinkedIn, Ryan Spence.

Kellie:

Hi Ryan.

Kellie:

And he was choosing his word.

Kellie:

And I got into the conversation in the comments, and I decided

Kellie:

to pick a word for 2023.

Kellie:

And it's a word that I've been wishing a lot in people as I wish

Kellie:

them happy holidays in December, of various religious observations, joy.

Kellie:

My word for 2023 is "joy."

Kirsten:

Huh, okay.

Kirsten:

I, I wouldn't have called that.

Kirsten:

I, I like it, from resilience to joy.

Kirsten:

Ooooh.

Kirsten:

Okay.

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

I like that, because we were talking about starting season three

Kirsten:

as a reset for ourselves personally, for ourselves professionally,

Kellie:

Yep

Kirsten:

Because everybody's, you know, the last couple years, it's been a lot,

Kirsten:

and everybody's still dealing with stuff.

Kirsten:

We've gone through our first year as the new business

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

And learned a lot, all the education, all the things.

Kellie:

So learning, much wow.

Kirsten:

So learning, much wow.

Kirsten:

It's been, it's been a lot of resilience.

Kirsten:

Yes, it has.

Kirsten:

Ooh, so, I need a word.

Kirsten:

I need a word.

Kirsten:

And I would've picked,

Kellie:

You don't need a word.

Kirsten:

Okay.

Kirsten:

I'll have to think about it.

Kirsten:

Because honestly, if you had emailed me this, I would've simply

Kirsten:

picked "resilience" as my word.

Kirsten:

But, now that I hear "joy," I like that.

Kirsten:

I'm gonna have to think about it.

Kirsten:

So, folks who are listening, in the comments of all the socials and

Kirsten:

the website and everywhere where you encounter this, what word are

Kirsten:

you gonna focus on this next year?

Kirsten:

What are you gonna have be your, your guidance, because

Kirsten:

"joy," that's, that's awesome.

Kirsten:

I like that.

Kellie:

Thank you

Kirsten:

I like that a lot.

Kellie:

Thank you

Kirsten:

So, one of the things we wanted to talk about to kick off season

Kirsten:

three is that we, you know, kind of reshaped, we're constantly evolving.

Kirsten:

That's the whole point of ongoing mastery.

Kirsten:

That's what we do.

Kirsten:

That's what we help our clients with.

Kirsten:

And we started a season, and then in season two, we shifted and added in video.

Kirsten:

And in season three,

Kellie:

Hi

Kirsten:

We're starting, add in, we added in some coaching last season, we're

Kirsten:

adding in some more, and we'll see what other bells and whistles we can pull in.

Kirsten:

So, in the constant evolution of the work of presenting and speaking,

Kirsten:

and also just as people, I, I know we're gonna talk about some other

Kirsten:

things, but you agreed to actually do something for me, with me, that you

Kirsten:

were a little uncomfortable about.

Kellie:

That's true.

Kirsten:

And what was that thing?

Kirsten:

What was that thing?

Kellie:

We're taking a class, right?

Kellie:

We're, we're taking a class.

Kirsten:

We're taking a class.

Kellie:

That's the thing.

Kirsten:

We're taking a class, an improv class.

Kirsten:

And thank you for doing that with me, and thank you for doing the "Oh

Kirsten:

dear God, I'm gonna do this" thing.

Kellie:

Yeah.

Kellie:

I'm terrified.

Kellie:

I am legit terrified.

Kirsten:

I have been wanting to add this in.

Kirsten:

This has been on my ongoing mastery plan for a couple years now, so thank you.

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

And for those listening,

Kellie:

You're welcome

Kirsten:

That's part of what this is, is you kind of figure out where

Kirsten:

you wanna grow, and where you wanna stretch, and things you wanna work on.

Kirsten:

And mine happened to be storytelling and improv, the areas I wanna expand into.

Kirsten:

And Kellie is gracious enough to take an improv class with me coming up.

Kirsten:

So, that'll be fun.

Kirsten:

We'll talk about that.

Kirsten:

And that leads into the topic that we were gonna talk about

Kirsten:

today, which is the people that you are connected to really make

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

A huge difference in what you're able to do, the power you're

Kirsten:

able to bring, the transformation that you can make in the world.

Kirsten:

And you came up with an interesting find.

Kirsten:

Can you talk about that?

Kellie:

Sure.

Kellie:

Well, I think you should talk about the, the five people expression, because

Kellie:

that's the one that we hear most often.

Kirsten:

So

Kellie:

And then I'll come, I'll let you know what I found, more about it.

Kirsten:

So, what I've been hearing when I transferred from freelancer

Kirsten:

to entrepreneur last January and was, you know, sort of learning the

Kirsten:

entrepreneurial journey, with the arrogance of, "I know how this goes.

Kirsten:

I've been watching this forever."

Kirsten:

And then went, "Oh no, I really don't."

Kirsten:

Everyone around me said, "Well, the five people around you that

Kirsten:

you spend the most time with really help determine your success.

Kirsten:

They help determine the energy, the trajectory of your career and your life.

Kirsten:

And if you are surrounded by people who are stuck and unhappy and are

Kirsten:

basically just holding themselves down, it is so much harder for you to thrive.

Kirsten:

And if you connect with other people who are also on this journey and also

Kirsten:

trying to transform the world and trying to transform themselves, you

Kirsten:

are more likely to do that work."

Kirsten:

And I've been hearing that from everybody, but apparently it's more than that.

Kirsten:

So, what did you find?

Kirsten:

You found some research.

Kellie:

I did.

Kellie:

So, the "you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with"

Kellie:

is attributed to a speaker, Jim Rohn.

Kellie:

But I found David Burkus doing some research for his book in about 2018

Kellie:

that says it's not just the five people.

Kellie:

Yes, it's the five people, but it's a much wider network than that.

Kellie:

It's everybody that you're in contact with, and even everybody

Kellie:

they're in contact with.

Kirsten:

Mm-hmm

Kellie:

And he goes into more detail.

Kellie:

Researchers have found, in a study that's in the New England Journal

Kellie:

of Medicine looking at obesity,

Kirsten:

Mmm

Kellie:

So, if an individual is surrounded by obese people, they are statistically

Kellie:

more likely themselves to be obese.

Kellie:

If

Kirsten:

Okay

Kellie:

A person's network, so person X has a network, that network has people in

Kellie:

it who gain weight and are obese, person X is more likely to gain weight, right.

Kirsten:

Mmm

Kellie:

And so it's the, it's this extended effect of the people you

Kellie:

surround yourself with influence your choices, your outlook, your outcome.

Kirsten:

Okay.

Kirsten:

And, and that ties into a lot of the stuff we've been talking about the last two

Kirsten:

seasons, which is the power of community.

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

And, I mean, we, and we keep bringing this up and we're gonna keep

Kirsten:

calling out Bobbie Carlton forever and ever, "speakers need speaker friends,"

Kirsten:

and that just quote is so true.

Kirsten:

But it's also more than that.

Kirsten:

It's anybody who's doing presenting and speaking, you really do need to

Kirsten:

connect with other people who have tried it or are doing it, who, who

Kirsten:

understand the work, because public speaking is, it's an unusual thing,

Kirsten:

and it terrifies so many people.

Kirsten:

So, the process of dealing with that fear and dealing with the challenge of it,

Kirsten:

and even to the physicality of learning how to control your body and what your

Kirsten:

movements do, and the communication you're making, and the way you use your

Kirsten:

voice and language and all of that,

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

The more you are connected to other people who've been in those

Kirsten:

circles or have that experience, the more you're able to grow, the broader reach

Kirsten:

you're able to have, because you're not doing as much of the lifting yourself.

Kirsten:

It's like other

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

People are helping carry the load.

Kellie:

You're in a fertile seedbed, where you're all growing instead of, you

Kellie:

know, it doesn't matter if one of you is flowers and one of you is tomatoes,

Kellie:

you're all growing in the rich soil.

Kirsten:

I like it.

Kirsten:

I like it.

Kirsten:

And, yes, indeed, you can say that I will consider myself a tomato for today.

Kirsten:

Kellie:

Kirsten:

I'm officially, I'm officially tomato.

Kirsten:

So, what I wanna encourage everybody listening, obviously

Kirsten:

we're just a little giddy.

Kirsten:

We're starting off the new season and we're coming to the end of,

Kirsten:

2022 was a, a hell of a year.

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

2023 is going to be a year with joy.

Kirsten:

It's going to be a year with happiness.

Kirsten:

It's going to be a year of thriving and there's gonna be challenges.

Kirsten:

There's some pretty big challenges.

Kirsten:

I'm right now facing one of, you know, my mother-in-law is staring

Kirsten:

down the barrel of Alzheimer's.

Kirsten:

We're gonna be having some challenges.

Kirsten:

And we're also gonna be learning to really focus on the

Kirsten:

quality of life and joy of life

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

While we're in it.

Kirsten:

So,

Kellie:

Yep

Kirsten:

Everybody listening and everybody watching, please join us

Kirsten:

and, and come with us on this journey.

Kirsten:

Because if you are, if you are like some of my friends, whose network is

Kirsten:

largely people who do not understand the entrepreneurial journey or are not

Kirsten:

part of it, and they wanna protect you and they wanna help you, so they're

Kirsten:

kind of keeping you safe and that is wonderful, but it also makes it

Kirsten:

a lot harder to shoot for the stars.

Kirsten:

Well,

Kellie:

Yeah

Kirsten:

Come with us, and let's shoot for the stars from a place of stability

Kirsten:

and from a place where your feet are on the ground, but you can still stare

Kirsten:

up and, and reach for things with us, because that's what we're gonna be doing,

Kirsten:

is we're gonna be trying some stuff.

Kirsten:

Like, I'm so thrilled to death that you're willing to try improv.

Kirsten:

And I'm impressed as hell that you actually said yes, because I

Kirsten:

didn't think you were going to.

Kirsten:

So that's wonderful.

Kellie:

Improv is yes, and.

Kellie:

I said yes,

Kirsten:

It's yes, and.

Kellie:

And I'm terrified.

Kirsten:

Yes, and I wanna kill you.

Kirsten:

Yes.

Kirsten:

I, I get that.

Kirsten:

That's wonderful.

Kellie:

Kirsten:

So, what I'm working on, we already talked about in my ongoing

Kirsten:

mastery journey, is I'm working on improv and I'm working on storytelling.

Kirsten:

What things do you wanna grow and stretch in your journey this next year?

Kirsten:

What things do you wanna branch into?

Kirsten:

Do you have any thoughts?

Kellie:

I, I don't know if it's branch into, so much as it is deal better with

Kirsten:

Mm

Kellie:

Stage fright.

Kellie:

Why I am terrified of improv is public speaking scares me.

Kellie:

I've been teaching more than two decades.

Kellie:

First day of class, always scary for me.

Kirsten:

Oh yeah

Kellie:

And the thought of giving larger speeches, I do it.

Kellie:

I do it, I don't want to say all the time, but I do it with

Kellie:

enough regularity, always scary.

Kirsten:

Mm-hmm

Kellie:

And I would like for it to be less scary.

Kirsten:

I like it.

Kirsten:

And, and on that, I'm actually going to hold up this interesting little device.

Kirsten:

So, as Kellie knows, I am taking a class to deal with stress.

Kirsten:

It is a mental health class, and this is a little monitor that clips

Kirsten:

on my ear and this connects to my phone, and I practice breathing

Kirsten:

to do variable heart rate control.

Kirsten:

And I'm learning this technique because apparently variable heart rate treatment

Kirsten:

is really, really good for dealing with anxiety, depression, and stress.

Kirsten:

And so, I am learning this, and as I learn more about it, I will share it with you,

Kirsten:

but I, I find it very interesting, the idea that regulating your heart rate and,

Kirsten:

basically, just your body's instinctive reactions to stress is actually sending

Kirsten:

enough messages to your brain that your normal, if your brain is like mine,

Kirsten:

parts of it are always yelling at you and always saying, "You're going to fail.

Kirsten:

The world hates you," and having it be basically calmed down

Kirsten:

or quieter would be lovely.

Kirsten:

So, I will be, I will be sharing this as we go along the journey, because this

Kirsten:

is a pretty fun piece of equipment and it's just a little weird to be sitting

Kirsten:

there with the thing clipped on your ear going, "Okay, breathing, one, two."

Kirsten:

So, we'll see how it goes.

Kirsten:

But statistically, it's studied, it's, the studies show that it actually

Kirsten:

really does have a positive impact.

Kirsten:

So, it's interesting.

Kellie:

Sounds like high tech yoga, meditation, breathing.

Kirsten:

I think so.

Kirsten:

I mean, it's interesting, because I started doing the research

Kirsten:

when I got the equipment.

Kirsten:

And I had not encountered this, but it tests out.

Kirsten:

It's been studied, and it apparently is very, very effective.

Kirsten:

So, I'm looking forward

Kellie:

Excellent

Kirsten:

To learning this technique.

Kirsten:

And then, of course, sharing it with everybody because, we all can moderate

Kirsten:

our stress response and deal with the things that life throws at us, and

Kellie:

I'm a fan

Kirsten:

With that, I, I think, what I wanna do is just take a, kicking off

Kirsten:

the new season to celebrate that we have in our just little circle of five, now

Kirsten:

we have an extended group that you were talking about, but we've got you, and

Kirsten:

Jim, and Dani, and Alex, and me all as members of the Rourke Training family.

Kirsten:

And it is fascinating to me when we all get together and you find that

Kirsten:

these disparate people, some of whom just met, all have the same perverse,

Kirsten:

dark, sarcastic sense of humor.

Kellie:

Kirsten:

All can quote West Wing episodes.

Kirsten:

All can quote the same geeky science fiction stuff.

Kirsten:

All can come up with the really hideously inappropriate jokes that,

Kirsten:

that everyone will follow to the death and Jim is gonna design t-shirts for.

Kirsten:

So, I think, I think it's really, really lovely and I'm really

Kirsten:

grateful to have this group.

Kirsten:

And I'm grateful to have the extended audience and the extended family of all

Kirsten:

of you that are watching and listening, because it's really, really great to

Kirsten:

be doing something that you've dreamed about for years and years and years.

Kirsten:

And I really appreciate your listening and watching and going with us on this.

Kirsten:

So, that's pretty much my season three kickoff.

Kirsten:

Where are we heading with interviews?

Kirsten:

We have some good stuff coming up.

Kirsten:

We've got some new people.

Kirsten:

We've got some new talks.

Kirsten:

So,

Kellie:

We're talking with J Schuh next week about creativity.

Kellie:

We've got a couple storytelling folks

Kirsten:

Yeah

Kellie:

In the queue.

Kirsten:

Yep.

Kirsten:

We've got a person who I've known 25 years ago and kind of has been

Kirsten:

in my extended circle forever, who is a professional storyteller,

Kirsten:

who's won all the major storytelling awards and has all the experience.

Kirsten:

So, I'm really looking forward to kind of bringing her battle-tested strategies

Kirsten:

to the audience, because I think it'll be lovely to go beyond the lighthearted

Kirsten:

"storytelling is nice" into the, "no, it's actually a transformational skill.

Kirsten:

Go a little further than that," and I think

Kellie:

Love it.

Kirsten:

I think that's about it.

Kellie:

I think that's about it.

Kirsten:

So, join us.

Kirsten:

Thanks for being here.

Kirsten:

We'll see you next time.

Kirsten:

We have, as always, the Ongoing Mastery: Presenting & Speaking group on LinkedIn.

Kirsten:

We are on Rourke Training and we're on all the socials.

Kirsten:

We are looking for extended family to join us on our ongoing mastery journey.

Kirsten:

Please come play.

Kirsten:

And I think with that,

Kellie:

Cheers

Kirsten:

We will see you next episode.

Kirsten:

Bye, everybody.

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