Shownotes
We welcome "Head Boss Woman" Sophia Randall onto the show to share her personal journey of navigating an unkind corporate world, how she honed her neurodivergent traits to thrive, and the impact mirroring behaviors had on her mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
We Also Cover:
- Building Neuro-inclusive Work Environments
- Self-Acceptance and Leaning Into "Uniqueness"
- Fostering Empathy Among Employees
- Work-Life Balance When Neurodivergent
- The Toll Masking Has On Mental Health
- Setting Boundaries At Work And Home
Quotes:
- "When we talk about empathy, it's not just going to some training program and and just not a check mark that you get for yourself, but it's really about understanding the other person and how the other person operates"
- "We're not machines. We have beautiful minds and sometimes we need a little bit of a break to have maintenance work done.
- "I was a quiet rebel, I never spoke up, and I didn't know my own power, my own inner strength."
- "It's so important for the neurodivergent community to shut those negative comments off because they'll keep coming. It's up to us to build that that wall, that boundary, that fort around us, because we cannot control other people. We cannot control how people behave, but we have power within ourselves to move to an environment that respects us.
About Sophia Randall:
Sophia Randall is an adept professional with extensive experience in business and project management. Passionate about embedding diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEI&B) principles into every facet of business management and leadership, she collaborates closely with stakeholders to translate overarching goals into practical, inclusive strategies. With a background in Professional Psychology, focusing on Industrial and Organizational Psychology, she addresses both the operational and human dimensions of organizations, creating a truly efficient workplace.
Connect With Sophia:
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/sophia-randall-4b27578a/
- https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61560183842872
As always, thanks for lending us your ears and keep igniting that spark!
Stay Connected:
- Website: https://sparklaunchpodcast.com/
- ADHD Coaching & Workshops: https://www.sparklaunch.org/
- Chaya on Instagram
- Mike on Instagram
- Want To Be a Guest? https://sparklaunchpodcast.com/booking
Transcripts
You've landed at SparkLaunch, the guide star for embracing what it means to be neurodiverse.
Speaker:I'm Mike Cornell, joined by CEO of SparkLaunch, Chaya Mallavaram.
Speaker:Here, we navigate mental health triumphs and tribulations from all across the spectrum.
Speaker:Charting a course to the shared experiences that unite us, and discovering how to embody the unique strengths within neurodivergent and neurotypical alike, igniting your spark and launching it into a better tomorrow.
Speaker:Hello there.
Speaker:I'm Mike.
Speaker:I'm Chaya.
Speaker:And today we're joined by Sophia Randall, a neurodivergent individual with 24 years of experience in the corporate world, a former diversity, equity, and inclusion committee lead, an entrepreneur, and a loving mom of 3 beautiful children.
Speaker:Welcome to the show.
Speaker:Thank you for having me.
Speaker:Hello, everybody.
Speaker:Hi.
Speaker:And, Sofia, thank you so much for willing to come on the show and share your story.
Speaker:We are extremely grateful and I'm sure the audience as well as we learn all about your journey in corporate America.
Speaker:And it's been a busy one, but I'm so excited to be here and share with you all.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:So tell us about your journey, how you got started, what was your inspiration to get on to a job, everything.
Speaker:What drove you to your journey?
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:Just being a a young mom, you know, I had my first daughter when, I I got out of high school.
Speaker:So that prompted me to really wanna get into you know, I need to find work.
Speaker:I need to do something that's going to bring substantial money and, stability into my life.
Speaker:So of course, I did little Ronald Car agent and all that stuff, but I always aspired to be like, I had this vision of that powerful executive with the corner office and all the windows around.
Speaker:And so I said, that's what I wanna do.
Speaker:I wanna be that head boss woman.
Speaker:And so, yeah, in my early twenties, I got on with a prominent credit services company that has over the years expanded.
Speaker:So they're very well known.
Speaker:I'm not gonna say their name, but they're very well known and that's how I got my foot into corporate.
Speaker:Starting off in a call center and just working my way up through different departments, with that company until I got into process management.
Speaker:And the funny thing about it is is that I was used to just certain things, certain habits, and trying to find my way.
Speaker:And I remember almost giving up on process work and my mentor that was assigned to me said just gave me a different way to view it.
Speaker:You know, basically, you brush your teeth in the morning.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Think about how do you brush your teeth and break it down step by step.
Speaker:And then when you think about it, there's like 50 different ways people brush their teeth.
Speaker:Something just so simple.
Speaker:So it's kind of like, okay, now how do you measure that?
Speaker:Is your way faster than my way?
Speaker:Does your way waste a lot more water than my way?
Speaker:So when I started to think about it, it sparked up that natural thought process of thinking step by step and putting things together very quickly in my brain.
Speaker:I then pursued that, worked my way up and got into training and facilitating and then just got into doing a lot more process engineering work and working with executives.
Speaker:And then that just spiraled out.
Speaker:20 something years later, I was a professional consultant executives.
Speaker:But the biggest thing for me as a neurodivergent is that it became extremely exhausting because I did a lot of mirroring.
Speaker:So that my whole life, professional life is looking at people, seeing what makes them successful, and then going on and just mirroring what works.
Speaker:And when you are not able to be yourself, it becomes mentally exhausting.
Speaker:But I did it and I did it for so long and it became second nature to you.
Speaker:Really, you lose yourself sometimes.
Speaker:So very early on in your journey, you were taught to think differently.
Speaker:You were given kind of a formula to follow to climb up the ladder, the corporate ladder, and you did it.
Speaker:You did it diligently.
Speaker:You learned how to copy and embody that personality, which was not yours.
Speaker:One of the things that you told me told us here is your vision, vision of that corner office with the windows and that nice, place that you had in your head and you wanted to get there.
Speaker:How did you get that vision?
Speaker:Where did that vision come from?
Speaker:That vision just came from at a young age watching TV and seeing the successful women just be in control.
Speaker:And I think that's what attracted me because in my brain, at a very young age, I always felt I didn't have control.
Speaker:And with that, there would be thoughts and my brain always running and having to maybe try to focus really hard and trying to find my way through.
Speaker:And it was it was hard, but if I was in control of other people and everything, then I can take on like this fierce persona, a boss lady.
Speaker:And I think that's what I wanted to be.
Speaker:I wanted to be heard.
Speaker:I wanted people to listen to me, and I wanted to be just in control.
Speaker:Not controlling but in control of just what's around me and what's going on in my head.
Speaker:So that's what attracted me to that.
Speaker:I never wanted to work in an environment where it was chaotic like fast food or shoe places or anything like that.
Speaker:I wanted it to be just an environment where it was direct and clear about what's going on.
Speaker:So that's what got me into the corporate world, you know, in that type of environment because I did work retail prior, and I did work I think my first job was at a Bagel House.
Speaker:I was 15 years old serving bagels.
Speaker:And it was the most chaotic, pressure, intense thing.
Speaker:At 8 o'clock in the morning, everybody's coming to get their bagel and coffee before work and trying to remember people's orders.
Speaker:Oh my god.
Speaker:And trying to remember what I need to type in and the price.
Speaker:It just it was a lot.
Speaker:And I said, I I can't do this right now.
Speaker:I can't do it.
Speaker:But that's yeah.
Speaker:It's you know?
Speaker:So driving up, I I took different experiences and I said, you know, this is what is gonna drive me there.
Speaker:So back, I wanna say maybe I think that was 7 years.
Speaker:So it's been 13 years ago, if not a little bit more.
Speaker:I got my corner office with all the glass, And in that particular job, I came on just as someone that worked in treasury management.
Speaker:And within 5 years, I got 3 substantial promotions and really moved my way up to I'm like, this is it.
Speaker:I got my office with the door and I don't have to deal with face to face customers.
Speaker:I'm in the financial department working directly with the chief financial officer and the VP of credit services.
Speaker:So I was very blessed in that area.
Speaker:However, due to reorganization and merging with another business group, our whole department got eliminated.
Speaker:So therefore, I had to start somewhere else.
Speaker:But that experience and looking at the demeanor and how people talk and what they say, how they joke, all of that became a part of me because that's what I'm taking to get me to the next level somewhere else.
Speaker:One little thing I wanna address.
Speaker:What really hit me was that you said because you didn't have control when you were a child, which happens to all of us.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:That's what a child, doesn't have the power.
Speaker:You wanted to have that power because you wanted to be in control.
Speaker:It amazes me how visions are created from our childhood experiences and and your dreams are made.
Speaker:And sometimes you wonder if those dreams are coming from a pure place or as a result of some experience we had in our childhood.
Speaker:That's a good question.
Speaker:That's a good thought process with that right there.
Speaker:And, actually, I never even thought about it to break it down like that.
Speaker:I think so if we take it back in in that direction, for me, so it's a few things that play into that, I guess, thinking about it like that.
Speaker:Number 1, as a child, I had a lot of change in my life, and I did have some traumatic experiences that took place very young and early on.
Speaker:And there were situations that, unfortunately have been traumatic enough to stay with me in my adult years.
Speaker:So being young, my mom got into we were used to one way of living.
Speaker:My mom married her high school sweetheart, everything, I was born, and my dad went off into the Air Force.
Speaker:And that, at a very young age, having the love of your life separate from you and there was nothing you can do about it played a part.
Speaker:And then being young, my mom got into religious studies, which then changed our life again, and it was a very strict religion.
Speaker:So all I've known before celebrating holidays, this and that and the other, was gone.
Speaker:However, I did learn because it was like a bible school, bible student situation.
Speaker:I did learn how to teach.
Speaker:I learned how to speak.
Speaker:I learned how to comprehend things in the bible and make it my own.
Speaker:So that, for me, really was a foundation to facilitation and learning how to put information together in a way that is easy to understand when I repeat it out.
Speaker:The situation that was traumatic made me feel like I never wanted to have this happen to me again.
Speaker:So what do I need to do?
Speaker:So I think having change and going through a traumatic experience does shape a vision of what you want to have for yourself because those situations for me, I had no say.
Speaker:I had no nothing.
Speaker:I was little.
Speaker:I was 5 years old, between 2 and 5.
Speaker:But I can still kind of think back like, okay, well, this isn't how life's supposed to be.
Speaker:This isn't how I'm supposed to feel.
Speaker:People are supposed to love me.
Speaker:I'm supposed to do different things at that age versus what I was doing.
Speaker:And so for me, growing up into my teen years, I became a people pleaser.
Speaker:I didn't want anybody disappointed or unhappy with me.
Speaker:I always wanted to make my mom happy.
Speaker:So whatever she said or she wanted, I did regardless if I wanted to do it or not.
Speaker:And I made honor roll.
Speaker:I made presidential awards.
Speaker:I really excelled academically to just please my mom.
Speaker:And I wanted people to be happy with me because there were sometimes I didn't feel happy.
Speaker:I didn't feel protected.
Speaker:I didn't even feel normal in a way.
Speaker:I felt like I didn't belong here.
Speaker:So, yes, that manifested into me doing something where I can control my life and control what's going on around me and control my body and control everything that has to do with me representing and owning myself.
Speaker:I know it sounds a bit conflicting because as a person with ADHD and OCD, mirroring a lot.
Speaker:But in my heart of hearts, I never wanted to do things that was not of what I volunteered to do.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So very early on, you learned that you desire to be accepted by the people around you, people who loved you.
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:Which in reality, you should think that people who love you should love you the way you are.
Speaker:But somewhere, we learn that we have to be a certain type to be accepted by the boss, to climb up the ladder, to get that promotion.
Speaker:And so we try to morph into this being that we aren't.
Speaker:And and so yeah.
Speaker:Now you can continue with your journey up the ladder.
Speaker:You're there, and you started you had figured out this formula, for success, and you started applying and fine tuning it.
Speaker:You had figured out mirroring.
Speaker:You knew exactly what to do to get where you wanted to go.
Speaker:And it was hard work.
Speaker:You know, thinking back, one more thing I would add is that with my mom being a single mom with me and my sister, understanding and seeing this I didn't know it when she when I was small, but as an adult, the sacrifices that she made for us.
Speaker:As a child, I was always, I don't wanna be like this.
Speaker:I don't want to have to live this way.
Speaker:I don't want to do this.
Speaker:You always think of things that you want versus being appreciative of what you got because you're of sacrifices that people have made for you.
Speaker:But I was always a creative person.
Speaker:So I love drawing.
Speaker:I love playing music.
Speaker:I played the clarinet and that was something that was gifted to me because I was one where I could, when music was played I never studied for music or anything like that.
Speaker:I just knew if I can hear something and hear the notes, I can play it.
Speaker:And so I did that for many years and I started to write my own music and stuff.
Speaker:But the limitation with that was is that I could not enjoy the whole experience because as a family that was very religious, there were songs that I could not play.
Speaker:There was events that I could not go to.
Speaker:There was a lot of things that limited my experience.
Speaker:And then I also had to think that I was raised to be a missionary, you know, to go teaching the word of Christ in different lands, different countries.
Speaker:That wasn't what I wanted to do.
Speaker:It wasn't instilled in me to go to college or anything like that.
Speaker:It was instilled to me to be a teacher.
Speaker:And so taking that on and just doing things as an adult, I've learned, you know, that right there when you're limited.
Speaker:My creative area was in music, was in drawing.
Speaker:I loved writing.
Speaker:I can write books.
Speaker:I always wanted to write a book and get it published, just having that done.
Speaker:In a way, I was like my dad.
Speaker:My dad can think of do math in his head like that.
Speaker:That's complex.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And it's like, you know, that those experiences, yes, when you when you grow up, you take that because now as a teenager or when you start to come into your own, you wanna do what you wanna do.
Speaker:But for so many years starting at a young age, I knew that I needed to do certain things to be successful and make other people happy with me and like me because I couldn't tell my mom, you know, as as a mom, sometimes I get images in my head that just come and go, and sometimes they're really scary.
Speaker:I don't know how to handle it.
Speaker:I I think I told my mom one time and she was like, We gotta pray.
Speaker:We gotta pray.
Speaker:There's there's things in me that I need to get out.
Speaker:So seeing that type of reaction, I stopped talking about it, you know?
Speaker:And I wondered like, is that normal to hear that?
Speaker:Is it normal that I could sit sometimes and just zone out while somebody's talking to me and I don't even realize it?
Speaker:There's things that I did as at a young age where it wasn't necessarily a safe place to explore further what I was going through.
Speaker:So I kept it inside and how certain things made me feel or how I can watch a commercial or something and very upset to the point it hurts my heart you know, or different that type of just emotion that's deep sometimes when I didn't know how to explain it or how I knew certain things and don't know how I would know those type of things.
Speaker:So, yeah, it wasn't until recently in my 40s that I've learned to speak about these different gifts and experiences because you know what?
Speaker:There are more people like me and there are more people that are struggling with the same things that I experienced growing up and trying to make my way through this world.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:The world is not built that way.
Speaker:We're not allowed to express our emotions.
Speaker:As a child, that's not that's not not a thing.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And and in school, at home, we we're supposed to suck it up and and not cry and not throw a tantrum and just behave just prim and proper and show up in with a smile.
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:There there are macro traumas, and then there are micro traumas.
Speaker:No one calls micro traumas traumas, but your brain registers them the same way as as a large trauma.
Speaker:And then your mind naturally, biologically wants to create a safe space for yourself.
Speaker:And that's where the intersection of safety and and control tend to come from, especially with neurodivergent individuals who are mostly, you know, square I always just use square peg round hole.
Speaker:Same thing.
Speaker:You know, people are always kinda, like, trying to put you in there.
Speaker:You're trying to put yourself in there.
Speaker:And somewhere you kind of get lost, especially when you're kind of, like, undiagnosed.
Speaker:You don't really even understand.
Speaker:You're supposed to actually be looking to who you are authentically.
Speaker:Like, what is your actual person?
Speaker:What do you actually do things for and and wants?
Speaker:And I for me personally, I wanted to do, like, so much things related to, like, writing and art myself.
Speaker:And it was always a struggle because it had to be I felt pressure to make it worth something if I was going to do it, and it made me kind of never properly start it because I had to jump to success immediately.
Speaker:Otherwise, I was wasting my time kind of thing, or I'd be letting someone down and would end up just kind of flooding myself down ultimately.
Speaker:So in your career journey and where you've managed to, like, turn mirroring into a skill, like reframing it into the skill that has has helped you, how do you balance being authentically yourself and that, power of mirroring hand in hand with one another?
Speaker:I became my authentic self, I would say, in my off time or with my very close, close friends that accepted me, accepted my quirkiness, accepted that sometimes I may speak really, really fast and excited about something but because my brain is going so fast, my words might slur or I might say the wrong tense because I'm not thinking about tense.
Speaker:I'm not thinking about being grammatically correct.
Speaker:I'm not thinking about all those things.
Speaker:I'm just being free to express myself.
Speaker:In the work environment, not so much.
Speaker:And it also depend on the type of role or culture that I was in, and I would match that energy.
Speaker:So I would match when I was in a call center role.
Speaker:The drive, of course, is calls per hour, your hold time, how long you're on a call, how long you got a customer, and it became always a whole run-in thing.
Speaker:You got to hit this.
Speaker:You got to be empathetic.
Speaker:You got to do this.
Speaker:You got to do that.
Speaker:You're going to get a bad grade if this happens.
Speaker:And so I had to adapt to that type of environment.
Speaker:When I then moved on to a more relaxed environment, I became more relaxed.
Speaker:I felt my self started to come out in a way where I could joke a little bit more.
Speaker:I was creating presentations and doing things more on a creative side where I was able to say, okay, this is the information they want to convey.
Speaker:If I was a brand new student here, how would I be able to digest and accept this information?
Speaker:That's when I started to feel, okay, myself is coming out, and then I could back up why I did something a certain way versus someone telling me, This is what I need to do.
Speaker:This is what I need.
Speaker:They don't care about what's going on.
Speaker:They don't care if you have a different way of doing something.
Speaker:It didn't matter.
Speaker:So moving in different environments, it definitely played a part in how I presented myself.
Speaker:No one at work really knew the true Sofia at all.
Speaker:And, shoot, when I come home sometimes, I don't even know the true Sofia until I get to decompress and just relax my mind.
Speaker:When it happens, what do you do?
Speaker:I was undiagnosed for a long, long time.
Speaker:I myself would sit down and replay the day in my head.
Speaker:What could I have done differently?
Speaker:What should I have said?
Speaker:That rejection dysmorphia syndrome, that definitely I had a deep fear of people rejecting me.
Speaker:So I'd always try to think of things ahead of time so when it comes back up, then I know how to respond to it.
Speaker:Kind of like self evaluating the day every day.
Speaker:But you have to learn who you are and your strengths and your weaknesses and the thing about it, what made something stand out to me is I went through like the a disc or a personality behavior assessment type of deal for work.
Speaker:And what I've learned is that my sweet spot, what I like to do is inverted and very close personality personality.
Speaker:There you
Speaker:go.
Speaker:And then, you know, I I I'm I'm good in a certain area.
Speaker:But it also showed that professionally, I am extrovert and I am opposite of who I truly am as my internal personality, and I'm very good at it.
Speaker:You know, I was trained to reflect this type of persona.
Speaker:And so that was kind of like the wake up call.
Speaker:I want to do things that embraces me and bring me out and maybe that's why I'm so stressed all the time or hyper vigilant and jumping or always trying to look for, you know, putting controls in place and things of that nature.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:So it depends on the environment.
Speaker:I would say right now, when I got out of the corporate world in February and made this decision like, I'm going to start a business.
Speaker:I'm going to do I've always wanted to do this.
Speaker:Now is the time.
Speaker:Having creative control, working on my own schedule because of 8 o'clock in the morning, my brain is not happening.
Speaker:But for some reason, 2, 3 o'clock in the morning, I got this big burst of energy.
Speaker:I can do things on my own time, you know, and it works for me because I feel like I'm more productive.
Speaker:I don't have to justify or tell people, hey, my brain is overloaded from all these different tasks and projects that I'm working on.
Speaker:I need a break.
Speaker:They don't understand it.
Speaker:However, I would say in consultancy, because you are kind of your own boss in a way, you do get to set your time and your you make sure your client is happy.
Speaker:So that was a good medium for me as well, but it still wasn't who I was because I have to always have this professional front up because I am the expert.
Speaker:You can't something, you know, so always having this confident demeanor.
Speaker:And then being a woman, a black female in a career that I'm literally the only person that looks like me in a room, That is definitely an area where I had to have a mask.
Speaker:I needed to learn how to get people to laugh at my jokes, which were different, or to be able just to fit in with that and be taken seriously because if you're in a room full of alpha Caucasian men and you got something to say that may not go with what the crowd is talking about, you got to be able to back it up.
Speaker:And as a child, knowing that you didn't have a say, you really wasn't heard, you were always told to be quiet and all of that, then it becomes to the point where I would speak up, but my voice would get shaky.
Speaker:Like, that nervousness, all of that until I had to master that.
Speaker:I had to master that.
Speaker:Don't blink.
Speaker:Don't look away.
Speaker:Model that behavior.
Speaker:What are your feelings now on that masking?
Speaker:Like, do you feel like now your ability to, kind of like as a survival mechanism, has become an extension of you, or do you still have a bit of, like, maybe not love hate relationship with it?
Speaker:But, you know, I don't think none of us want to necessarily mask, obviously.
Speaker:But are you able to go into it without feeling like I'm putting myself far, you know, at the back of the line and I'm instead of playing this role?
Speaker:It is kinda of a low paying thing, to be honest.
Speaker:I feel like right now in in our world where our kids and society is going to be more acceptable of authenticity tattoos showing in purple hair, you know, those were tattoos showing in purple hair, you know, those were things that I wasn't allowed to do or couldn't do at all when I was in those type of positions.
Speaker:So I feel like right now is a good time where people can start to really embrace and talk about who they are because being unique is more acceptable.
Speaker:Not so much in the workplace just yet but I feel like depending on what type of work you're doing will depend on your masking level.
Speaker:I feel like at home and at work right now, it's a difference.
Speaker:I would love to be able to show up when I'm ready and bushy tailed, whatever time that is, to work.
Speaker:I would love to tell someone I think what you're talking about is BS and that's not how it's going to work and it's not going to happen.
Speaker:Trust me.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And or having to really just learn not to be so honest.
Speaker:So my biggest thing and I had to learn, Dale, is, I'm very honest and sometimes how I deliver something is not how it sounds in my head and my delivery could be perceived as you know, you're mean or this.
Speaker:And I'm like, I didn't say it like that.
Speaker:I didn't mean it like that.
Speaker:Oh, it's your tone.
Speaker:Your tone.
Speaker:Like, I was always getting that type of counsel in a way and I said, well, I had to learn how to sugarcoat, give a feedback sandwich and all these different things because people didn't understand is that if I'm passionate about something or I care about you or what's going on, I'm going to speak on it because I want it to go correctly, and it's not very much appreciated at all.
Speaker:So having to say things with a little bit more softness or finesse to it was something I really, really, really needed to work on because with my personality, tell me how you feel.
Speaker:Don't sugarcoat it at all.
Speaker:And I'm not one for all the fluff stuff and having empathy really was something I had to learn.
Speaker:It took a long time to really learn that and having different emotions or that social component, that interaction, I had to really learn because there's a lot of things that maybe was funny I didn't find funny or I didn't realize my face was looking so disinterested in what you're talking about.
Speaker:And just different like the social cues of things I had to really learn.
Speaker:So I feel like right now there is a bit more leeway in being your unique self, but there's still a long way to go, especially in the workplace because your workplace, they're still working on those 19 4 Industrial Revolution principles that was created back then.
Speaker:They're still working on having that hierarchy management system and telling people what to do, how they want to do it, all of that and dictating things.
Speaker:And I feel like right now, it needs to change because as a process consultant that came in, my job was to say from an outward experience, show me how you do something.
Speaker:That right there is going to make me an expert in it because I'm going to learn it like that just from you doing it And then I'm going to say, well, why do you do it like that?
Speaker:But I can ask the questions and say it how I want.
Speaker:Why is that the best way?
Speaker:Why do you do it?
Speaker:Why does it matter?
Speaker:You know, all of those whys whys to get people to think and then it really doesn't matter or really they get the same information on another report or really we can't create a bot to do this manual work that takes you 4 hours to do in Excel and have a bot do it and you can work on something else.
Speaker:You know, like getting people to think differently, you know, I I really found as a good balance, in a way with work and my personality because then I'm reflecting or teaching people how I think.
Speaker:So just because someone tells you to do something, does it add value?
Speaker:Is there a reason?
Speaker:Is it going to be rewarding for me or some type of accomplishment?
Speaker:Does it fit a bigger picture?
Speaker:If not, why are you doing it?
Speaker:Why does it matter?
Speaker:I thought like that at a very young age but you couldn't tell somebody that's not going to work or I don't see the point in doing that.
Speaker:Why does it matter?
Speaker:You wouldn't have a job very long.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:I I think, like, the secret hell that all, like, neurodivergers, like, live in is the we we make great overseers because we tend to be able to see cracks and everything.
Speaker:And we just don't fall in line with you know, there's neurodivergent masking, and then there's neurotypical masking.
Speaker:And neurotypical masking are these antiquated systems that why you do it because the other person did.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Why why did that person do it?
Speaker:Because another person did.
Speaker:And it just goes back and back and back.
Speaker:And ever since I was a child, I would on literally anything throughout the day, like but that's not a good way to do that.
Speaker:Like, doing this would be easier doing this.
Speaker:And my parents would get frustrated with me because I would just be like, but there's an actual easier way to even just clean.
Speaker:Like, I could clean my room in a way better way if you let me do it and, like, the way that I want to do.
Speaker:And we do, like, become these overseers and it frustrates us because we don't want to live in this weird, pointless structured environment.
Speaker:We, we see the arbitrary And it becomes so difficult to, like, navigate the world when you see that arbitrary.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Because even when it's pointed out to people, no matter how you do it, it doesn't feel like they ever wanna actually change.
Speaker:And, you know, we've made progress, when it comes to seeing neurodivergency.
Speaker:Just the fact that you're an autism diagnosis that you, you know, people don't look at it and go like, well, does the kid like trains?
Speaker:He doesn't.
Speaker:Well, he must not be autistic.
Speaker:You know, people don't do that so much anymore.
Speaker:But going back to, like, the corporate culture, how structural infrastructure changes do you think could be made to the corporate world that would better, like, accommodate particularly neurodivergent individuals?
Speaker:I feel like with COVID, that opened up a whole new world that I felt I feel in as a professional was more neurodivergent friendly because the amount you know, everybody's everybody's thought process and the way their autism are, where they are on that spectrum or level is different.
Speaker:My ADHD doesn't look like my son's or my oldest daughter, but, there are certain things that are consistent.
Speaker:For me, the energy every day hearing the dreaded alarm clock go off at 6:30 in the morning just to get prepared and get ready to go into this office and sit down and work took a lot out of me.
Speaker:And it was a routine.
Speaker:And, of course, I hate routines like that.
Speaker:I like to know what's going on, but don't let me go with the flow.
Speaker:Let me feel it out type of deal.
Speaker:So with COVID, remote working 100% of the time was, Wow, great.
Speaker:I don't have to go try to find and hide out with a quiet place.
Speaker:I don't need to be locked up in a room because I can't focus because I'm getting interrupted 3, 4 times with different questions.
Speaker:Not to say it's a bad thing, but for me, if I am interrupted so many times and I'm literally in my brain going back to the beginning every single time I'm interrupted because I can't I need to pick back up on that thought process.
Speaker:And then I don't get it done or it takes me 5 hours to do instead of just 30 minutes.
Speaker:Sitting back and having an atmosphere that makes you productive, I feel like with a lot of people don't realize in offices and in that type of environment where there's multiple people, you see people For me, I always had music going on in my head unless I was in a meeting or something that effect because you have the smell of food, you have noises, you have people laughing, you have someone in a call, a meeting, and they can't hear what's going on.
Speaker:So all these different distractions, depending on what's going on, overwhelms me, you know, in a way where I can't focus.
Speaker:I literally will be at work and not productive.
Speaker:I would try to be productive but I can't.
Speaker:And before you know it, it's time to go home.
Speaker:So that environment, I don't think employers or businesses understand that with this new generation coming in and we're finding more and more people are learning uniquely or it has different learning abilities, that it is important to have a mindfulness room, a quiet area or a sensitivity where you might have different color lights like blue or reds or yellows that are light in a room with maybe some waves, ocean waves going on to get different senses going to have creative moments.
Speaker:Some businesses call it mindfulness rooms.
Speaker:Some call it sensitivity rooms.
Speaker:So having different spaces is a plus.
Speaker:Also, when you are in meetings with someone that is neurodivergent.
Speaker:For me, I could never I had to always sit back and process something first to understand it.
Speaker:So a lot of times I will be in a meeting and listen and take in and then later once it's done or the next day, I have questions or I have something to say, but the expectation in the office is at that moment, you're an active participant.
Speaker:And I had to learn how to do that, and it was very hard because I'm trying to think of how I'm going to say something while I'm trying to listen, and then I miss out on information because something is not going to happen, or I may not even know what the heck is going on in a meeting.
Speaker:So I think there are certain expectations or competencies that people expect in the office that isn't something that is natural for us and being an employer's need to understand it.
Speaker:For instance, going into some of the things that I recommended is when I was in my, DEI role, chairman looking at what the current policies and procedures are, what are the things that happen if something like this or like this happens.
Speaker:For for example, one of the things I had to work on is how do you create a growth culture?
Speaker:How do you encourage upskilling?
Speaker:Well, take it as, you know, if you have consultants, they are on client time 40 hours a week, and home based business is requesting x amount of time to take some type of training module or something, it then becomes, okay, well what's important and what's going to give me money?
Speaker:My client.
Speaker:So this is going to fall behind.
Speaker:So I had to think of, okay, well how can we encourage this?
Speaker:The business is going to have to then make it so the person thinks it's valuable or the person thinks that it is worth it, what do you do?
Speaker:You have to equate it with a reward system.
Speaker:Am I going to get paid for doing this training?
Speaker:Is it on my time?
Speaker:Is during your time?
Speaker:Is there a certain type of fluff like the first 100 people will get a $25 gift card or something.
Speaker:What will make me want to do that?
Speaker:And so we built in a reward system.
Speaker:Even breaking the time up, some people think, like me, oh, gosh.
Speaker:That's a 2 hour training video.
Speaker:I don't even have 2 hours.
Speaker:I even I work through my lunches.
Speaker:But if I broke it up 30 minutes here and there, whatever, I will get it done as long as it saves my spot.
Speaker:So I think the expectations we can get what you want to have done.
Speaker:I think employers need to understand that, but don't tell me how to do it.
Speaker:Tell me what your problem is or tell me what I need to do.
Speaker:What's your expected end result?
Speaker:Don't tell me how to get there.
Speaker:And I feel like a lot of times with us, we're being told what to do or how to get certain deliverables, certain things done.
Speaker:And then when we don't feel that it's worth it, what happens?
Speaker:Or we don't like how it's done, We begin to stress.
Speaker:We get overwhelmed.
Speaker:We procrastinate.
Speaker:We miss deadlines all because we don't see it the way, and we kinda get stuck, that paralyzed, like, I don't know what to do.
Speaker:So I think with jobs, a lot of jobs, they need to trust the person that they hire.
Speaker:To get the job done, they need to trust that they did their due diligence on getting the right person for the right job.
Speaker:So like in the interview portion of a job, if you have someone that struggles with having a process, have baseline questions that are important be sent to the person a couple of days ahead of time or, you know, whatever so they can have time to think of these star answers, situation, task, action, you know, and and be able to sound like they know what they're talking about instead of rambling or getting off course or whatever their experience as a nervous reaction.
Speaker:I feel like then once the person is onboarded, okay, how do you get them to be productive?
Speaker:Make them feel valued because all the times we have these things going on, we don't feel valued.
Speaker:We don't feel heard.
Speaker:We want to know what we're trained.
Speaker:Tell me what you want and we'll do it.
Speaker:There's no drive for me to do anything else, but if you took the time to know really what my strengths really are and instead of making it an interview like all these questions, have it a conversation, I feel like employers would truly know a person, not their rehearsed person, to come into that job.
Speaker:They will know how I think, how I talk, when I'm relaxed, and then they would truly know, okay.
Speaker:Well, you know what?
Speaker:Sofia, this role that I have here may not be because roles are really stripped down and broken up to specific cats.
Speaker:You might really be good at doing this right here.
Speaker:We can really use your help in niche because the way you are good in picking out patterns or the way you are good at reading reading reports and looking at the inconsistencies, and then you immediately think of solutions, you might be better over here.
Speaker:Is that something you would like to try and do?
Speaker:I feel like if people really took the time to know a person, then they could really create these roles or maybe not even have anything defined.
Speaker:Just be productive and make us all great because I feel like in that type of environment, you then give that person empowerment.
Speaker:You then set an expectation but you allow them to own the process and how to get it done.
Speaker:And you're using their strengths so then they feel confident naturally in what they're doing and it's less stress.
Speaker:I feel like when employers do that, they would truly get the best work out of people and reward them, shout them out, give them that motive to keep going because it's important.
Speaker:We need to know that what we're doing is working and it's good or else we're going to lose interest in it.
Speaker:We ain't going to do it.
Speaker:So I feel like those things could help.
Speaker:I feel like understanding if you see me visually check out in a conversation because you're hounding on the way you're talking to me or all of this, we need to come back at another time because whatever is being said is not being absorbed.
Speaker:And I have things I wanna say, but you're not gonna like it.
Speaker:So I feel like I always tell with managers when I'm coaching in leadership, know your employees, know their treasures, what matters to them, what's important to them, and then incorporate that into the team environment, into the role.
Speaker:Respect them.
Speaker:If they're not able to come into work because they just put out a 60 hour work week and their brain is literally dead, respect that.
Speaker:Don't don't tell them, well, when can you come in?
Speaker:Or when can you We're not machines.
Speaker:We have beautiful minds and sometimes we need a little bit of a break to have maintenance work done.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:I feel like humanizing the the rules with management is way better than having these grandiose expectations that if they were any any executive who's in a role would not be able to accomplish.
Speaker:So what we're asking for is really empathetic leaders.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:It's when we talk about empathy, it's not just going to some training program and and just not a check mark that you get for yourself, but it's really about understanding the other person and how the other person operates, what value that person brings because there's so much treasure out there, as you said.
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:And and it's about uncovering those treasures and using them in a way that honors that employee and not penalize on the methodologies.
Speaker:I think that we've all suffered Yes.
Speaker:From it.
Speaker:And that that actually shut me off personally in my childhood because I was not allowed to speak the truth.
Speaker:I think that is what all of us experienced because we could see through the BS.
Speaker:And and for me, I refused to morph myself into somebody.
Speaker:So that kind of worked for me.
Speaker:But what happened is I shut off my voice.
Speaker:I I never spoke up.
Speaker:I I rebelled.
Speaker:I was I was a quiet rebel, a sigh but I never I I never spoke up, and I didn't know my own power, my own inner strength.
Speaker:You're the yes person.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Because I'm like, I don't want to do that.
Speaker:I don't want to do this.
Speaker:I don't wanna suck up because I saw a lot of people doing that.
Speaker:But then what happened as a result of that is I became so small.
Speaker:I I didn't have the courage to express my feelings.
Speaker:So it hurts in in whatever way you take it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:It it hurts very deeply because even the quiet ones, I'm telling you, have a lot to say, have so much wisdom, and and we don't have to penalize people for this certain words that they use because I was I've been told, oh, that word isn't right, or I'm not saying it properly.
Speaker:And I think what happens with neurodivergent people is because we are sensitive.
Speaker:We are so sensitive.
Speaker:We we take it all in, and and it can manifest in different ways within our system.
Speaker:And so I was learned to shut off.
Speaker:And so, yeah, the environment, I think, you mentioned plays a huge role.
Speaker:And so with leadership, I think understanding the person and getting getting all the gifts out, all the talents because every single person has some kind of a superpower.
Speaker:Let's use it because when you're living in those superpowers, you're thriving and use it.
Speaker:If somebody likes to organize, let's give them that job.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:Somebody wants to generate ideas and think differently, let's encourage that.
Speaker:And and as you said, if I'm I'm exactly like that because while I'm speaking, I I get a million thoughts.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:I'm processing and it's going all over the place, but it takes time for me for it to settle in inside my body and speak up.
Speaker:And that's fine.
Speaker:That's totally fine.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:We should encourage different ways of expressing and just so that people actually enjoy.
Speaker:You're spending 40 hours a week at work, and we should all be loving it.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:You hit on a very important point that I failed to mention, but it is a critical point in a way where setting or having an expectation in a professional environment where you need to be perfect grammatically or say things a certain way or use certain words.
Speaker:I remember I had this one manager and she was a a literary study.
Speaker:She that's what was her degree in English.
Speaker:And I remember I had a very important presentation.
Speaker:I was so nervous.
Speaker:This was before I decided to get medicated and before I had a diagnosis.
Speaker:And when I got nervous, my hands would sweat.
Speaker:I would be fidgety and all these different things.
Speaker:And I said a word.
Speaker:I said a few words, but I used the wrong tense or I used the wrong words, said a r is.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And I remember coming out of that meeting, I knew I messed up because as soon as I said it, I was like, in my head, that wasn't right.
Speaker:But I didn't want to back pedal or anything because then that's going to make me ramble and mess up the rest of my thought process.
Speaker:As soon as I got out of that meeting, she called me in her office and said, you know, you you did a good job, but I just wanna give you some feedback that I that I noticed.
Speaker:And I noticed when you when you use this word, you said this word and you know?
Speaker:And she started to do that after, like, a few just one little mistake, and I felt I started to feel really dumb.
Speaker:I started to feel like, what does it matter?
Speaker:And knowing it created an additional stress because every meeting that she was in, I then really felt the need to focus on my words.
Speaker:So I started talking very slowly.
Speaker:I noticed that I wasn't as playful with my voice or any more connecting because I was so focused on saying the right words.
Speaker:And then I remember, okay, well, if that's gonna make me sound dumb, I'm gonna pick up big words and use big words like trepidation and all these things.
Speaker:And I would learn big words and meaning meaning and use them a lot.
Speaker:Like, My goal was every day, I would find a word that is not commonly used and use it multiple times a day.
Speaker:And so that hindsight is yes, she made me a better speaker but it also stunted me with my confidence and my thing was, what did it matter?
Speaker:What does it matter if I'm trying to convey information, listen to what I'm trying to convey.
Speaker:Don't worry about, oh, she slurred this word or, oh, she's speaking too fat or now she's slow or this.
Speaker:Listen to what I'm trying to convey because sometimes it's hard for us to get my I need to get this thought process out.
Speaker:And then if we have a question and my goal in going in a meeting is to make sure I anticipate every type of question that could come up so I'm prepared with an answer.
Speaker:I had to learn to give myself grace because that woman completely crushed my confidence and my ability to perform to the standards that I know I could perform at.
Speaker:My value and my worth went down for a very long time.
Speaker:And it started to be so stressful to me that every time I saw her or whatever, I would get physically ill.
Speaker:I would get depressed.
Speaker:I would have so much anxiety.
Speaker:I bit my nails down till they bled.
Speaker:And it just became such a stressful, toxic environment for me just because of her.
Speaker:And it could and some people were like, well, that's not nothing.
Speaker:Just ignore it.
Speaker:This and No.
Speaker:Because what she was saying to me equated to, you're dumb.
Speaker:Oh, you don't have this or you shouldn't even be allowed in this room.
Speaker:Or just because they're important, they need to be spoken to with a certain level of grammar.
Speaker:I started to create all these different expectations and scenarios that honestly wasn't true.
Speaker:It was just her opinion.
Speaker:And so one of my mentors came to me and said, Sofia, it doesn't matter what title they have.
Speaker:Think of it like this.
Speaker:Everybody goes into a bathroom in a stall.
Speaker:If you get nervous, think about them sitting down on the toilet.
Speaker:And when I thought I literally did think, like, when I saw a VP, when I saw a CEO, I would get so nervous because I wanna be presented a certain way.
Speaker:But then I'm like, they're human just like me and they go to the bathroom just like me and they walk around naked or whatever just like me.
Speaker:So I don't need to present myself a different way.
Speaker:I don't need to have this standard that society makes as a status quo.
Speaker:And I think once I really learned that, that became a confident.
Speaker:I also had this another woman said and it was in a neurodivergent group, this is what I appreciated.
Speaker:She was the CEO.
Speaker:And she said, I wanna apologize.
Speaker:I wanna say up front that I know I may misspell some words or something because I'm typing fast or I might be talking fast, but it's not important.
Speaker:Don't worry about that.
Speaker:And she, you know, set the standard neurodivergent.
Speaker:She set that expectation upfront.
Speaker:So it's like, okay.
Speaker:You're comfortable in disclosing that upfront and not expecting people to treat you differently.
Speaker:But she was living her authentic self.
Speaker:And because she didn't know me, she was setting a boundary, a bar to say, I know I may mess up but don't worry about it.
Speaker:It's because of this.
Speaker:And then she is a very smart woman, very smart.
Speaker:So I say that with environments, managers need to not focus on things that really don't matter.
Speaker:Managers don't understand that certain things like always pointing out a weakness or always sticking for things that shouldn't matter is a confident destroyer.
Speaker:Yes, it is important to set a different expectation at times but I was not fresh out of college or anything like that.
Speaker:I wasn't a newbie and this wasn't my first rodeo.
Speaker:So knowing when to say something is essential.
Speaker:Like you said, being an empathetic leader, being an emotional leader is where we have that connection because we're not gonna get everything a 100% and do it a 100%.
Speaker:But you know what?
Speaker:We do it good.
Speaker:What does it matter?
Speaker:And I have to tell that that so the people who are receiving that message of being perfect to to learn to ignore that and and trust your inner self, that authentic self.
Speaker:Because also I've realized that when we focus on perfection, on the words, on the delivery, on sounding right, we're gonna be less powerful on making an impact.
Speaker:And and so it's all about making an impact and not the methodology.
Speaker:And so it's okay to not be perfect and it's perfectly perfect not to be perfect.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You have to sell all these boundaries that okay.
Speaker:So we you know, I went through Toastmasters, public speaking.
Speaker:I did all these things.
Speaker:I went even went through a grammatic class just because I thought, oh, I don't know how to write English.
Speaker:Do I really not know verb tenses?
Speaker:That confidence was like, you do all these extra things because of perfection.
Speaker:And I am a perfectionist, especially I will take time to make sure and go over everything.
Speaker:Oh, why did I make this mistake?
Speaker:But then I had to learn, you know what?
Speaker:It's okay.
Speaker:It's okay.
Speaker:It's okay to make a mistake.
Speaker:You don't have to be perfect.
Speaker:But when you're mirroring and you are trying to be like this type of example, you need to be perfect and you need to do it well.
Speaker:So when someone's, you know, sets up something and you oh my god.
Speaker:I missed that internal dialogue that goes on inside is crushing.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And so I feel like, yeah.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:It's okay to make a mistake.
Speaker:It's okay to do all these things that society says don't do, don't do, don't do.
Speaker:Women, when you sit down, make sure you cross your legs at the ankle.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:Like, all these different expectations that, okay, it might be nice.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Learn learn how to be nice at the dinner table and polish, but it doesn't have to define your work and don't stress if you mess up.
Speaker:Incorporating more of a reward innovative system in the work environment versus demerit or always pointing out the negative negative of what someone did does because you're going to get better performance out of a person that feels like they're valued and it goes back to that childhood and things.
Speaker:You don't feel valued because if you mess up or you want to do and people please.
Speaker:But value is important, and focusing on what people do right by sense of nature, whatever you found wrong will clear itself up.
Speaker:You don't need to point it out every little thing.
Speaker:If I keep on doing things that I'm confident in and you keep telling me great job or, you know, this.
Speaker:Oh my god.
Speaker:I never even thought about that.
Speaker:I'm glad you pointed that out.
Speaker:Or you really went above and beyond because then we start to be more of creative thinkers.
Speaker:I don't expect always to go above and beyond, but if someone's asking for this type of information and report, I may think, you know what?
Speaker:They might want this or this would help with this situation, and it's not gonna take me a long time to pull it together.
Speaker:Let me just add it in.
Speaker:And then tell them, I thought you might like this because it tells you this is why it's happening, you know, instead of them having different thoughts.
Speaker:So therefore, you're creating your success when you start to allow yourself to think in a way that, 1, we're proactive, proactive thinkers and stuff.
Speaker:We think of every scenario.
Speaker:We overthink.
Speaker:So don't tell someone, oh, we didn't ask for that.
Speaker:So why did you waste time putting it together?
Speaker:Well, you want me to go above and beyond, but then when I do, you're talking about time.
Speaker:The value is I gave you something that you didn't have all in one place, and it took me less time to put it together for you.
Speaker:So having those type of more reward system in a way and it may also be words of affirmation.
Speaker:Who knows?
Speaker:But don't always pick out the negative in people.
Speaker:Like Michelangelo pointed out, it's so easy to point out negatives.
Speaker:It's very easy but it is a skill set to see beauty in everybody.
Speaker:And also negative is from that person's point of view.
Speaker:It's just from one one angle and doesn't define the person's worth.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:So it's only from that.
Speaker:So it's it's really important to separate that from the truth.
Speaker:So
Speaker:it it it is
Speaker:and it's so important for the neuro divergent community to to kind of, like, to shut those negative comments off because they'll keep coming.
Speaker:They they come, but it's up to us to build that that wall, that boundary, the the fort around us, which will not block and not affect that because we cannot control other people.
Speaker:We cannot control how people behave, but we have power within ourselves to move to an environment that is conducive, that respects us.
Speaker:And also if we are in places that we can't help, those negative comments are coming at us to build that fort.
Speaker:It's a it's a learned skill for me.
Speaker:I never had that.
Speaker:I would just take in everything and that Yeah.
Speaker:But we can learn learn to block it off.
Speaker:I I have crystal I I saw you have crystal.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:I
Speaker:know.
Speaker:I have fast.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:I just so much that helps a lot to block off some negativity.
Speaker:Grounded.
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:Keeps us grounded.
Speaker:So we can do things to protect ourselves and and speak up what we're doing right now.
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:The more people know.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:The more people know.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Use people as resources.
Speaker:Now we're all individual islands, and we're all our own ecosystem.
Speaker:How can you go to that ecosystem and and what could aid you from that ecosystem?
Speaker:And that goes for neurotypical and neurodivergent alike.
Speaker:This that's how you should treat others, particularly in a professional relationship is you you have this person here as a resource.
Speaker:They are not a thing where you like, a old, silent film or just the people marching to work in gray building all dressed in gray.
Speaker:Like, that doesn't get that that doesn't actually promote productivity in that in any real way.
Speaker:Everyone wants to feel part of a team, and you're hiring an ecosystem.
Speaker:And and when you're dealing with neurodivergent people, you're interacting with a very vast different ecosystem.
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:And we we tend not to respect that out in the world.
Speaker:We don't respect other people's ecosystems.
Speaker:We like to say to is human, but we don't actually practice it.
Speaker:Mhmm.
Speaker:That is fine.
Speaker:And, also, they need to look at, like, what like, successful businesses that do encourage innovation that really may attract neurodivergents because they're special skills.
Speaker:Like, you take the Google environment.
Speaker:I always go back to Google or even Microsoft or whatever.
Speaker:The the environment there is colorful.
Speaker:It's bright.
Speaker:You have quiet rooms.
Speaker:You have nap stations.
Speaker:You have game rooms.
Speaker:You have all these different things based on what you feel like for the day.
Speaker:You're not constrained to your desk.
Speaker:You can move around and be free.
Speaker:You can go work out in the gym on your lunch break if you need to relieve some stress.
Speaker:You can go sit outside in a tree house on a campus if you feel like being outside and getting some sun.
Speaker:All these different environments create a productive space to do what you need to do if you're coding, if you're looking at all these numbers and data that could be strenuous on the eyes and the brain.
Speaker:Like all that type of behavioral psychology goes in hand with understanding your employees, the people that are essentially important to making your business successful.
Speaker:And I think that's what's important and why a lot of kids or companies are struggling with productivity in the workplace.
Speaker:They're struggling with high turnover rates.
Speaker:They're struggling with low performers because people, oh, I need a job and here I am.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And then you waste 10 years there and then what?
Speaker:And so I feel like taking from environments that are innovative is really what should happen.
Speaker:Even if it's something small as putting artwork on the walls that are attractive to the eye, different colors, different textures, whatever.
Speaker:I remember there was one client I had.
Speaker:They had this big hallway and it was an empty, long hallway but they had these big pieces of art from different employees that they showcased in this hallway.
Speaker:They had some sculptures.
Speaker:They had depending on whatever the theme was and they had certain employees that want to contribute and their art was showcased.
Speaker:So I thought that was phenomenal because it's showing value to those employees that love art or could draw draw Draw and showcasing it and it became a nice walk to take in when I felt stressed out and needed to take 5, 10 minutes.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:So doing different things like that that may highlight employees' talents and creating an environment is is important and is the way to go with that because we are all different.
Speaker:And then I also feel like even neurotypical people would release some of that stress as well.
Speaker:You don't have to be doing things a certain way.
Speaker:We're human.
Speaker:We're not, as you said, robots in a gray building.
Speaker:We like expression.
Speaker:We like color.
Speaker:We like to laugh.
Speaker:We like to do things and feel appreciated.
Speaker:So I think before we close off, I want you to tell us how mirroring what what impact did it do to your system and your mental health, your physical health, and how did you realize all of this and what steps have you taken to honor yourself?
Speaker:So mirroring for so long has become second nature to me and especially in the work environment or different environments where I feel like I need to be extra be respected or valued.
Speaker:When you do that for so long, it does weigh on the body.
Speaker:And unfortunately, I did have times, you know, where I had to take months months of a mental break.
Speaker:So in my mid twenties, I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety and depression, general, like, general anxiety and depression.
Speaker:And then that kind of morphed.
Speaker:I ended up having fibromyalgia and IBS, all these different things that's related to stress.
Speaker:And it was hitting my body like a ton of bricks.
Speaker:And I got on I had to get on some medication to help stabilize my moods and all of this.
Speaker:Well, I made changes.
Speaker:I even gained a whole lot of weight and just not knowing how to function being highly stressed all the time where I would get panic attacks just driving down the road and I had to change my environment.
Speaker:I had to change what I was doing.
Speaker:I had to learn how to help release that type of fight or flight feeling in a healthy manner.
Speaker:So I got addicted to going to the gym.
Speaker:I would work out 2, 3 hours with my and it was before I knew I had OCD, but I had to go to the gym.
Speaker:I had to be at the gym a certain period of time.
Speaker:I had to do certain things at the gym because I felt better about myself.
Speaker:So it became a must.
Speaker:And if I didn't go to the gym my whole day, it was off.
Speaker:I felt bad about myself.
Speaker:I beat myself up.
Speaker:But when I changed that environment, the medication that I was on for panic attacks at that moment and everything, it went away.
Speaker:I didn't have IBS anymore.
Speaker:My body wasn't in constant pain.
Speaker:I could go to sleep.
Speaker:I would sleep for long periods of time.
Speaker:And so when I got formally diagnosed, which was I was often on for anxiety medicine and things like that.
Speaker:But I got formally diagnosed, I would say, just 2 years ago with ADHD type inattentive and bipolar depression and OCD.
Speaker:And so for me, it was a light bulb that went off because I'm like, This is me.
Speaker:This is why this is happening.
Speaker:This is why my brain don't shut off at times or this is that, but it's stress induced.
Speaker:Like when I'm heavily stressed, it wears on your body.
Speaker:When you're constantly mirroring because you're trying to emulate something or you think it's gonna be a benefit to you, it's not natural.
Speaker:It's it's not something that it's it's like studying an assignment.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:You gotta keep practicing.
Speaker:And so it is unnecessary stress put put on the body because you're trying to fit in an environment that is not natural for you and you're trying to do things and think certain way and talk certain ways and dress certain ways, and you wanna be accepted.
Speaker:You wanna be taken a certain way.
Speaker:So you very important.
Speaker:And, yeah, you then start to become very hypervigilant.
Speaker:You then become very critical.
Speaker:You become a person that you just don't want to be around if it was you.
Speaker:So for me, I had to learn a lot about myself, a lot of internal thinking.
Speaker:I did have to seek therapy to understand that there are just some things that society puts on us that is just a cultivation of someone setting a standard that really isn't real, really doesn't matter.
Speaker:And I had to learn to love myself.
Speaker:I had to learn to seek out what I love and what makes me happy because I will always get jealous of people that, Oh, they're so good at this.
Speaker:I wish I would find something I'm good at, or, Oh, they're walking in their purpose and, you know, finding your purpose.
Speaker:Well, how do you find your purpose?
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:And it's like you have to do that work inside and you do set boundaries.
Speaker:I'm no longer a yes person.
Speaker:I don't care who it is that's asking me anything.
Speaker:If I need off and I need a rest day mentally, physically, I don't feel bad for taking a day and not doing absolutely nothing.
Speaker:I used to because I felt the need to always be busy, always be doing something.
Speaker:And I felt bad when I would just be sitting there watching TV or sit and I had to learn, you know what?
Speaker:It's okay.
Speaker:Take the time.
Speaker:Relax.
Speaker:And so mirroring, yes, may get you very far.
Speaker:I mean, I got making a 6 figure job and being as no one knew that I didn't have a degree.
Speaker:No one knew that I didn't go to this big college or anything like that at that time.
Speaker:No one knew anything about me because it was an inherited expectation that I met in their mind based on how I presented myself.
Speaker:And so I say this to say the stress, the amount of money, my body breaking down, getting sick a lot, my kids feeling the energy that I have going out.
Speaker:And it it was it affects not just you.
Speaker:It does affect the people around you.
Speaker:And so it's important to love and value yourself enough that if someone doesn't like how you're presenting yourself or someone doesn't like what you're saying or whatever, they can kick rocks because you need to be your authentic self for your health.
Speaker:It need and if they don't value your ability or what you bring to the table, it's okay because you don't need them to validate who you are.
Speaker:So I say, okay.
Speaker:There are some times in that and it's natural for us to mirror.
Speaker:We learn it at a very young age.
Speaker:I used to be able to see people on TV and mirror how they talk, their accent and facial expressions, everything, you know?
Speaker:And it became second nature.
Speaker:I still do it when I see something funny and I'll repeat it and I don't know what I'm doing but then I can mimic them.
Speaker:But you don't need it as a survival mechanism and I think I had to learn that.
Speaker:Now that I've learned that and now that I've gotten out of environments that were literally eating me up health wise, I'm happier.
Speaker:I'm not drained in my face with color or no color.
Speaker:I'm walking around with raccoon eyes or, overeating because I'm stress eating or I do things that encourages me to be meeky and allow myself grace.
Speaker:That's allow yourself grace.
Speaker:Give yourself permission to step back.
Speaker:You know, I feel like we are our most critical people, especially people that are trying so hard to fit into a box when they're a circle.
Speaker:So have grace.
Speaker:Give yourself permission to sit at the beach and be okay with it.
Speaker:Give yourself permission to read a book and be okay with it.
Speaker:You don't have to do everything every moment because you are your investment.
Speaker:You.
Speaker:Nothing else, nobody else but you.
Speaker:And you, if you have a family, a spouse, kids, whatever, they're going to need you to be yourself because then you're gonna be happy and you're gonna get that happiness internally.
Speaker:It's not gonna be fake external because, oh, you landed the job because you answered all the star benefits and all of this.
Speaker:You don't have to do that.
Speaker:We take all these different medications and all this stuff.
Speaker:For me, I do take medicine to help me focus with my ADHD.
Speaker:I felt the need to do that because I was supporting 2 CDIOs, 1 globally and 1 on the US side, having to get a annual DEI report put together, Global and this, and I was stressed out.
Speaker:I was so stressed.
Speaker:I was working until 2, 3 o'clock in the morning.
Speaker:My kids, my son was complaining.
Speaker:I was stressed out because I wanted the work to be perfect.
Speaker:And then I felt like my brain was just 20 tabs open, 5 tabs playing music, and I don't know what to do either.
Speaker:I had to get medicine to help me focus.
Speaker:I needed it to be successful in my role, but that medication took away my creativity.
Speaker:It took away my ability to feel like myself internally.
Speaker:And so I'm not saying giving medication a bad name.
Speaker:We all take it for our reasons if whatever.
Speaker:Like, I do need to take it, but I don't I don't have such a high dose anymore, and, you know, I give I do things that that make sense to me.
Speaker:So yeah, I'm not making that 6 figure income like I used to do or any of that, but you know what?
Speaker:My neck doesn't hurt anymore.
Speaker:My back doesn't hurt anymore.
Speaker:I'm not jumping or stressed out or barking at people just because they ask a question.
Speaker:You do what you have to do to fit in in this world to survive, but don't let it change you.
Speaker:It's important that you know who you are and now it's okay to say what you need to say.
Speaker:You don't have to mask that, oh, I'm a neurodivergent.
Speaker:Oh, I have these indivisible disabilities.
Speaker:I have I have things that they might not hire me for because be realistic, we are some of the most hardest working people, and we put out so much.
Speaker:It just needs to be a good relationship, a good environment to bring that those gifts out.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:That was beautiful.
Speaker:Thank you for for sharing that with us, with with those listening.
Speaker:Thank you for sharing yourself with the show.
Speaker:Obviously, you've, you've found your purpose, and it's and it's a purpose that's encompasses all of all of you as well, and that's that's really wonderful.
Speaker:Thank you so much for for coming on and and talking to us.
Speaker:How can how can anybody listening catch up with you and find you your business?
Speaker:Well, I am on LinkedIn currently.
Speaker:My name is Sophia Randall on LinkedIn.
Speaker:My business is called Uniquely Loved.
Speaker:It's my first storefront.
Speaker:I am still working on that.
Speaker:It is a work in progress.
Speaker:I mean, my God, e comm digital products is very old.
Speaker:I mean, there's so much to choose from, but that is something You know, I have a Facebook page called Uniquely Loved, so please feel free to like that page.
Speaker:I will be heavily putting out some sales and discounts once I get a good hand on my products.
Speaker:I'm just taking my time with it because I want to make sure I do things that mean something.
Speaker:They're especially curated products.
Speaker:They're unique and I call it uniquely loved because we are all unique and we need love.
Speaker:And so, I do have a special neurospicy spot for things that we like to do and fidget with and colorful or plan, you know, that is definitely represented on my storefront.
Speaker:Contact email me whatever works.
Speaker:All my contact information is on LinkedIn, and I would love to hear from you.
Speaker:I would love to hear your your story.
Speaker:And if you have any tips on on just how to time box or things that will make be a benefit to someone else, please share that as well.
Speaker:I'll definitely be sure to put all those links in the show notes for anybody, listening.
Speaker:Chaya, where can anybody find Spark launch?
Speaker:At sparklaunch.org dotorg.org.
Speaker:And you can also find, Spark launch on social media at the_sparklaunch and me on LinkedIn.
Speaker:And And thank you, Sofia, again.
Speaker:It was such a pleasure.
Speaker:Your honesty, your it touched us, and it's gonna touch our audience.
Speaker:And we are extremely grateful for presence today.
Speaker:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker:I enjoyed this conversation.
Speaker:It was just a good feed of information, and you guys allowed me just to speak.
Speaker:So I enjoyed this moment, and I hope that, you know, it reaches the right people and it resignates, you know, for change.
Speaker:I hope that it does move for change, and that's that's what's important.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:Thank thank you again, and, definitely have to have you back on sometime
Speaker:I would love to.
Speaker:Anytime as possible.
Speaker:I would love to.
Speaker:We'll see you next time.
