In this episode, host Lesa Koski welcomes back Carrie Hopkins-Doubts, a spiritual resilience coach, to continue their discussion on the nine steps to rebuilding life after significant loss. They revisit the first three foundational steps discussed in the previous episode: creating a safety net, self-care, and making peace with the past. They then delve into the next six steps, which involve designing a vision for the future, creating actionable steps towards that vision, exploring purpose and meaning, reframing relationships, embracing newfound strengths, and giving back through service. Carrie shares insights on how to navigate grief, set intentions, and ultimately cultivate a fulfilling life. Practical advice and personal anecdotes make this episode a valuable resource for anyone dealing with loss.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:42 Recap of the First Three Steps

03:20 Step Four: Designing Your Vision

04:17 Step Five: Creating Your Future

10:53 Step Six: Exploring Purpose and Meaning

15:54 Step Seven: Reframing the Relationship

18:52 Step Eight: Embracing Your Strengths

19:31 Step Nine: Anchoring the Learning by Giving Back

20:41 Conclusion and Contact Information

Welcome listeners.

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This is what you've been

waiting for all week.

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I know I have Carrie Hopkins

doubts back here with me.

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She's a spiritual resilience

coach, and she was nice enough.

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to come back this week because

we had the greatest conversation.

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And I'm so thankful, Carrie, to

have you back here and listeners.

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If you want to hear Carrie's story, just

go back and listen, because, you know, as

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I said, I love it when people go through

something really difficult and hard.

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And they do something about it and

they help other people with it.

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And that's exactly what

Carrie's doing in her work.

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So we started it last week and

we started talking about the nine

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steps to rebuilding life after loss.

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It can be the loss of a loved one.

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It can be a divorce.

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It can be the loss of, a

big change in your life.

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It doesn't necessarily have to be a death.

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But I was going to try to restate

the first three foundational

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steps, but Carrie, welcome back.

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Do you want to just really briefly

do an overview and then we'll jump

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right into this, the six that follow?

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Sure.

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We talked about this in the last

week's session and my nine step

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program for rebuilding your life

after loss starts with the very

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first step of creating a safety net.

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If you're hurting, if you're

needing support, if you can't get

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out of bed, you want to create a

safety net for you to feel and to

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name and express your feelings.

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So that's that first step.

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And then.

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The second one, we talked about creating

capacity through radical self care.

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it's often when you're going through a big

loss and you're perhaps having to support

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other people at the same time who are

going through the same loss, you may have

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put your own self care on the back burner.

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going through grief is just going to

affect you on the physical level, and

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so it's really important for you to

take good care of yourself, not only

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in the physical, but the mental, the

emotional, and the spiritual level.

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So that's where we dive into that

and create a health and wellness plan

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for you to implement and to stick to.

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And then the third thing we talked

about was making peace with the past.

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A lot of times we find ourselves

Wanting to move on from a loss and

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unfortunately, we don't move on.

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We move forward carrying what

we've experienced with us.

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And it really helps if we are

not carrying baggage with us.

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We're not repeating, patterns

from the past that are.

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not good for us, so we really examine

that, and this is where we start to bring

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in that idea of forgiveness, of letting

things, really go that are, in your way,

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blocking you from feeling, peaceful about

your decisions, what you did do, what you

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didn't do, et cetera, about what happened.

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So that's where we really make

peace with the past, so you're

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able to start moving forward then.

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So that brings us to step four.

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Wonderful.

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Thank you so much.

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So now that we've cleared and

set a foundation for ourselves

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emotionally, we can start.

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to design the vision for the life

that you want to create on the

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other side of this big change.

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And this is where, you know, a lot

of times when people are in the

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midst or they're really close into

the loss, if you were to ask them,

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well, What kind of life do you want

to create for yourself after this?

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A lot of times, I don't know, I don't

know, I just need to get through this.

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But this, as being the fourth step, we've

had some time and people start to, think

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about, well, what is it that I want to

be experiencing, you know, in my future?

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And this is where we really, bring in

visioning, tools to help people really

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dream big, really create a life that they

love on the other side of that divorce.

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So, what we do next is, in step

five, I call that creating your

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future, because now that we have

the vision or the blueprint from

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step four, we start taking action.

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So we start putting new plans in motion.

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We take those visions,

we take those goals.

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we turn them into realistic,

manageable action steps.

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this is where I introduce

what I call the baby steps.

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sometimes when we feel overwhelmed and

we feel like we're not able to take these

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major steps we can take the little baby

steps that are so important because once

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you get that momentum of, taking action,

then more action as a result of that.

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I love how you said that.

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And I, I still believe in that.

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with a breathing technique.

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I started a new breathing technique

and it's in the past in a past podcast.

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I tell you how I do it, but I

only do it five minutes at night.

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And five minutes in the morning.

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And it's actually affecting my sleep

positively and my stress level.

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And that's just a tiny little thing

and it does, it makes it easier and you

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can feel good about, I've never really

been able to meditate or do breath

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work, but when I took it as little five

minute increments, so I think that's

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what you're saying now, Carrie, you

know, how I jump in with questions.

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So I have to, right.

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To step number four, when you're talking

about designing, your vision, I know

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when people are really in a tough spot.

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Whether, whatever it is, it's, you

kinda wallow in it for a while.

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Mm-Hmm.

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or it's hard to envision.

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Like I even think if you lose the

love of your life, what point can

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you envision it and, and how long can

people expect to have to sit in kind

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of those, the sadness and learning

how to come to peace with the past.

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Well, you're raising a really excellent

point because just because we've

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explored a step and people have taken

action on those steps, it doesn't mean

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you're not going to be revisiting them.

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You know, cause life comes and we have

a new grief trigger, a new situation or

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circumstance that kind of puts you back

into, Oh, well, I need to, spend some

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time really, feeling my feelings again.

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So we need to honor the very

fluid, aspects of grief.

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It's not a linear process where, Hey,

I'm done with that onto the next.

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And so you're raising such a great point.

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And the other great point that you

raised was we don't just sit down and go.

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You know, we do this very intentionally.

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So we start with the power of intention.

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So we help people, well, what

is an intention that you might

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like to set for your life?

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You know, on the other side

of this divorce, on the

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other side of this big loss.

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and so a power of intention

could be helping a person

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come up with their intention.

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Because once we set the intention, it

works as a magnet in a way to start

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bringing forward for you the experiences

and the, learning that you need.

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And so it's like when you're clear on

in your intention, you may not know how,

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but it starts to show up on how you're

going to implement that intention.

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Okay.

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I totally, yeah, I totally get that.

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something that I did that I called

future self work, like what did you see?

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And then you kind of make your way there.

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But the question that I have is like,

is it possible that might take you

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a couple of years after a big loss

to actually be able to envision?

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And so, you know, for those.

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For people, I don't want to, it's painful

and I don't want to see suffering, right?

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We don't want the suffering, but

we're going to feel the pain.

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You're absolutely right because we're

going to go in and out of that process.

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And that's the beauty of, you

know, when I take somebody through

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this, I'm right there with you.

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So I know when you're ready

to move to the next thing.

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Okay.

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A lot of what we do also in this

segment is, clarifying your core values.

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What's really important, what's always

been important to you, and what will

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continue to be important to you.

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So, we're creating, from this,

alignment, with what's important to you.

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If it's family, it may be creating

a life where you're close by family,

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so the clarity starts to come

in through the exercises we do.

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And it's also a baby step towards

having a full blown vision.

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And here's the thing, we may

create a vision, we don't

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know how to get there, right?

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But that's the power of intention.

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Once we set the intention, it's

like the ways to move forward

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just start materializing.

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It's really interesting.

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I haven't seen anybody really get

stuck here and just say, I can't

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create my vision for my future.

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We start small.

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You know, if you think

about a baby step, right?

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We're going to take a baby step here.

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To a baby, when they take their very first

step, when they sit up, when they do a

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milestone, a baby step, it's a milestone.

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It's like, it changes their life.

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when they're able to sit up by

themselves, they're able to do things

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that they couldn't do when they

could just be on their tummy, right?

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So even if it's a baby

step, it's a milestone.

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So, so these are important steps, you

know, like your, your example there,

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a small step taken five minutes in the

morning, five minutes in the evening,

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can create a huge change for you.

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Yep.

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And I even get it now where you could

do it rather early and say, I just

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want to be able to feel good enough to

get out for a little walk next week.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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I get it.

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I get it.

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Thank you very much for clarifying that.

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Okay.

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So now we have.

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Now we're on number six, I think.

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So we've, we've aligned with her goals.

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We've done our brainstorming and

planning and in step five, we've

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also, you know, looked at the power of

accountability, having an accountability

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buddy, you know, somebody to partner

with going, how's it going on?

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You create, you know,

taking action on your steps.

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And then.

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Module 7, the 7th step is, I call

it Exploring Purpose and Meaning.

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And, you know, it's really important

at this stage to understand that

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what happens for a lot of people

is they come up with this idea

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that they no longer have purpose.

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if you're a mom and you lost your son.

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You know, well, that was my purpose

to, you know, so it's like we really

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look at you may have a new purpose

or a different purpose or a slightly

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different sort of shift on the way you

see your purpose, but you have purpose.

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You know, so it's like we really

help people get in touch with their

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purpose now, and really start looking

at those internal, and spiritual

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adjustments that they need to make

about their own self identity.

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Who am I?

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Why am I here?

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Well, what is the contribution

I'm here to make in the world?

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And we help people create

a life purpose statement.

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And this becomes their true north.

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You know, this is why I'm here.

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And it's not, you know, people get

a little, tweaked around purpose.

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Like it's this big grand thing.

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it is very often a very simple thing

about your way of being in the world.

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What is my purpose?

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how do you pinpoint that?

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It can be as simple as, people really

getting in touch with a very deep purpose

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of my purpose is to be, loving, is to

be in my loving no matter what, or my

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purpose is to, Just be a safe space

for people, I'm just throwing out some

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examples for you It's not like my purpose

is to become you know, the the best

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violin player on the world, you know It's

it's not even so much a doing purpose.

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It is who are you being

while you're doing?

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Okay, cuz when you said that Loving

hits me that that's a loving my

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grandchildren, my children, my husband,

my friends, people, just people.

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And then what popped in was a

doing was a sharing what I learned.

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There's right on the money because

I really look at there's the

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soul energy and then there's the

doing energy, the ego, right?

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And we talk about if your purpose

is to be loving and you're infusing

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that soul essence of loving into

whatever it is you're doing,

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you're fulfilling your purpose.

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That can be an intention.

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And sometimes we don't quite be as

loving as we'd like to be, when we're

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activated or upset or hurt But if

that's our intention and that's our

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purpose, we just keep coming back to it.

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it's like if we're headed somewhere

and we get a little off course,

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we know where we're headed still.

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Right.

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Okay.

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And I have a question.

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So because I really didn't put that

much thought into that, is that

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probably the correct purpose in my life?

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I don't think there's a correct.

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I think it's, there's no

right or wrong answer to this.

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There's the answer that is best for you.

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But often it boils down

to something very similar.

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you know, if we as a soul having a human

experience and our soul is here to help us

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learn to be more loving while we're having

that human experience, it can kind of

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boil down to, if you choose loving as your

purpose, you're in pretty good territory.

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Okay.

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Well, I just know I love

loving and it happens.

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That's right.

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Yeah.

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So that could be your purpose and

how you share that in the world, like

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your podcast, you know, loving on your

people, you know, who are listening.

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for me, that's a big part of my purpose.

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And I wish I could remember all the

details of mine, but mine is really

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to create a safe space for people to.

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adjust to these kinds of losses and create

a life they love on the other side of it.

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So that's the doing part of it.

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But it's also while I'm doing,

I am being with people in my

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very best loving present self.

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I love that.

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It's much simpler than I was making

it when you first brought it up.

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So thank you for clarifying.

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Okay.

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A lot here.

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Definitely.

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Oh Yeah.

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Yes, there is.

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I feel like you could talk about

each one for a half an hour.

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Yeah.

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Well, and, and doing each of these

steps, it is, you know, a period

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of time where we, we really focus

in on this and, and give everybody

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the time that they need for sure.

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Number eight.

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I call this reframing the relationship.

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So often if There's a death, you know, we

still have a relationship with a person

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who has died because that's inside of us.

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this is where we really take a

look at what we call the reframe.

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You know, how we're going to look at

the relationship, and how not only

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are we looking at it from a lens

of the past, but the nowness of it.

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What's the quality of this relationship

that you want to, nurture inside you?

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Because, You know, in most grief,

counseling, programs, we don't

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talk about, well, you've just got

to forget that person and move on.

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No, that person has been a part of your

life and continues to be part of your

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life because that relationship, like I

said, it lives inside of you, even though

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they're not physically present with you.

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Okay.

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I have another question.

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Yes.

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Could it be?

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Your relationship with yourself

that you're reframing because

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that's how I see like you've been

through something difficult Like a

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health journey And you're different.

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Yeah, because of it and maybe it was

scary and you know you and so now you

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Reframe the relationship you have with

yourself in the present And you can okay.

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All right.

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I like that If you think about

reframing, it's like, we're talking

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about like photography kind of like,

so say you see a picture and you're

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looking at this particular part of the

picture, if you move the frame to a

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different part of the picture, you're

going to see something different.

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So this is what, what I help people do.

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It's just like the reframing is kind of

just a process of where are we looking?

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What are we focusing on?

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And this is particularly helpful when

people are going through a divorce

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because often the spouse is still, you

know, part of the picture, especially if

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they're our children for co parenting.

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So we definitely want to help the two.

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or the one person I'm working with,

reframe the relationship and move

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away from they're bad and wrong and

they hurt me and da, da, da, da.

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But reframe it in such a way

that there's a path towards being

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able to have a cordial working

relationship with this person.

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Okay.

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So, that's very practical in terms

of, when people go through a divorce.

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Mm hmm.

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Yeah.

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I totally understand that.

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And then, our, let's see, our ninth step?

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Yeah, I think we're on.

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I might have, I might have

gotten the, the steps mixed up

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in terms of which one is which.

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Six is exploring purpose and meaning.

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Seven is reframing the relationship.

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Embracing your strengths.

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So this is where we get to look

back on the last seven steps and you

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will find that you have discovered

strengths you didn't know you had.

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you didn't know that you knew

how to do certain things.

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Well, what happens?

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You get stronger.

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And so this is the step where we

look back and go, here are all

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the ways that I've grown stronger.

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And really naming and embracing

that, it just, it brings it right in

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where you go, yeah, this has changed

me in many ways for the better.

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Love it.

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And then our last step is anchoring

the learning by giving back.

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It's service.

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So people who have really, adapted

to and adjusted to this kinds of

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loss and are in the process or have.

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Rebuild their life after loss.

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Typically what happens is it just opens

up this area of compassion and wanting

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to help people are in perhaps maybe a

similar situation to themselves, or just

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to give back in service in some way.

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Cause it's just, it's our natural

inclination when our heart is open,

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when we've been through something major

and we see, other people struggling.

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We want to give, we want to

support, we want to be of service.

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So we talk about the ways that you

can, once you're grounded in this new

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life, you want to give back to your

community or to your family, to the

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world, in this open hearted way that

you have cultivated with yourself.

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So it's really a beautiful way to wrap.

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You know, how satisfying it

can feel to serve someone.

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Amen.

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And when you're saying this, Carrie,

it is exactly what you're doing.

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You are, you've gone through

this, you've healed, and now

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you're helping other people.

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And so, I so appreciate that.

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And I love chatting with you.

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I feel like I have a new friend.

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Time flew by again.

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Carrie, I do want to

probably have you back again,

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Let's stay in touch because, and

listeners, if there's anything

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that you want Carrie to delve

into more, please let me know.

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And Carrie, once again, we'll have

all your information in the show

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notes, but how do people find you?

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So it's Carrie Hopkins Dowell.

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So you can find me at

my company's website.

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It's life's next chapter coaching.

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And yeah, if you want to have

a conversation, reach out, I'm

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happy to support and let me know.

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You found me on Lisa's show.

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Wonderful.

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So listeners do that.

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Carrie's awesome.

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I feel like I want to reach out and

talk to her too, on a personal level.

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I appreciate you being here,

Carrie, and we will connect again

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because you are a new person in

my life that I love to chat with.

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Likewise.

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Thank you, Lisa.

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Thank you to all your listeners.