Shownotes
You can be successful, self-aware, and deeply committed to your growth… and still find yourself stuck in the same relationship patterns.
The same arguments.
The same reactions.
The same moments where something takes over and you don’t even recognize yourself.
This conversation with Hannah Dalby goes deeper than communication strategies or mindset shifts.
We unpack what’s actually driving those patterns beneath the surface… the unconscious nervous system responses, old emotional wounds, and internal programming that keep showing up no matter how much “work” you’ve done.
Inside this episode, we explore:
• Why high performers still struggle with intimacy and connection
• How old emotional patterns quietly run your reactions
• The difference between performing and truly connecting
• Why trying to “fix” others keeps you stuck
• How real change happens when you stop overriding your own system
This is the kind of conversation that shifts how you see yourself, your relationships, and the patterns you’ve been trying to break.
Because once you see what’s really going on…
you can finally change it.
Connect with Hannah Dalby & Get the GPT
https://thesynthesishannahdalby.substack.com/
Want premium clients from your content?
Grab a free Client Acquisition Audit and I’ll show you exactly where your message, offer, and CTA are leaking conversions—and the 3 fixes to turn your podcast/Substack into a client pipeline.
👉 Book here: https://coachsalchemist.com
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp
Transcripts
WEBVTT
1
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You can be incredibly successful, self-aware, and doing all the right work on yourself, and still find yourself having the same argument in your relationship over and over again.
2
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Not because you don't know what to say, but because something deeper is taking over in the moment.
3
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And until you understand what that is, nothing actually changes. Hi, and welcome to the You World Order Showcase Podcast, where we feature life, health, transformational coaches, and spiritual entrepreneurs stepping up to be the change they seek in the world. I'm your host, Jill Hart, the Coach's alchemist, on a mission to empower coaches and entrepreneurs to amplify their voice, monetize their mission, and get visible. If you're ready to start attracting premium clients without chasing
4
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: algorithms or hunting people down like a banshee on a mission, head on over to thecoachesalchemist.com and schedule your free client acquisition audit. It's the first step to building a business where your clients seek you out rather than you having to hunt them down.
5
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Today, we are chatting with Hannah Dalby. Hannah is a human integration facilitator, CEO of The Jungle, and former professional Muftai.
6
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: fighter who spent over a decade competing at an elite level. Now, a decade clean, she works with founders, leaders, and high performers globally to help them identify and release the unconscious nervous system patterns
7
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Driving their relationship dynamics so they can experience real connection, safety, and intimacy beyond what success alone can provide. Welcome to the show, Hannah.
8
::Hannah Dalby: Thank you very much, Jill. Yeah, thank you.
9
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, what's the most significant thing, in your opinion, as individuals, we can do to make an impact on how the world is going?
10
::Hannah Dalby: I think it's all of our internal stuff that we're holding onto. If we undo how we are reacting in the world, and how we're leading, and how we're showing up, that comes from the internal…
11
::Hannah Dalby: patterns and wounds and emotions that are kind of still stored there. When we clear that, we show up better, we lead better, we become the example of how we can create a new world.
12
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love that. It really is all about
13
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Taking the junk out that we've got inside, so we
14
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: People that we're here to be, so that we can connect with other people.
15
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, and I think once you start doing that as well, and start understanding that's the way that everyone else is operating as well, they're showing up with their old wounds and old patterns, and it's not actually personal, you can actually start to see people for who they are and what's going on for them, rather than how it feels like a personal attack all the time, and then we all feel like we're attacking each other, and we end up in this segregated kind of world.
16
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, I, I think… We're trained to pick teams.
17
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and there's, like, safety in the teams, and then the team wants you to conform in all the other ways that you may… they're not, like, actually you. In fact, this is kind of weird, but I was thinking about,
18
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Conservatives and liberals in my country, and.
19
::Hannah Dalby: Huh.
20
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that I… I'm not…
21
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I was raised in a very conservative environment, and I have a lot of conservative ideas, but I'm really… I'm, like…
22
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm more of an anarchist in that I believe in, like, no government, and people should be personally responsible for the decisions that they make, but I recognize that, you know, there are a lot of things that
23
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm… I'm very liberal about. It's just like, I don't care what you're doing.
24
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: In that area. I really just want peace and kindness.
25
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Across the board. And personal responsibility.
26
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, I mean, it's an interesting thing to say no government. We've had this discussion quite a few times around, like, if you take away government, you still end up with a government. Like, even if you pulled it all apart, eventually it would grow so big, you'd still end up forming some kind of government once a community gets, like, to a certain size, so the only answer to that is to keep communities really small, and as soon as it gets to the size we are, we still have government, so…
27
::Hannah Dalby: like, we need governance in some way, it's just how are they being elected and how is this system actually working? Because it does need to come from a place of sovereignty and authenticity and your own self-accountability.
28
::Hannah Dalby: And if everyone were to operate like that, we'd probably be okay, but something seems to happen once communities get too big.
29
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's lack of accountability, I think, a lot of it. I'm a big proponent of, you know, if you want my tax money, I want,
30
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: a P&L, a profit and loss statement, and I want to know an income and expenses statement every month.
31
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: There should be someplace where we can see what you're doing with the money, and have a say about it. We're all shareholders in a situation, and I know this is kind of, like, getting off the tangent of what you're here to talk about, but it really is about communicating and… and…
32
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Injuries that we've sustained as individuals get magnified when it starts getting out on the global
33
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and, political sphere. And knowing where you stand and being okay with being not one thing or another. We can be
34
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We can be who we are.
35
::Hannah Dalby: So, if you actually look at that, though, like, the reason that has happened, if you go to the right crux of it, is the people that are leading at the very, very top have unhealed wounds, have desires that they're trying to get met in shadowy ways, and that's, like, the basic reason why these things operate like that.
36
::Hannah Dalby: And if you were to take that down a level, and it's like, then you've got companies that, yes, the same thing, like, they're driven by… like, the leaders of that are driven by their unmet needs that are in a shadowed place, and so they're trying to get their ego needs met, or they're trying to get being seen met, or something that they're not quite conscious of, and…
37
::Hannah Dalby: it trickles down to the companies, so it trickles down to the countries, it trickles down to the companies, and, you know, there's this conversation around how do we change the, how that works, and I don't think we can change how that works. I think we build something on the side of it.
38
::Hannah Dalby: That is a new way of doing things, and eventually this way will fall apart.
39
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I hope so.
40
::Hannah Dalby: It's just like…
41
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't… I don't actually have that answer, but I… it's a conversation that we need to start having more and more, and it needs to be a global conversation. It's not like one country or another. We're all connected.
42
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
43
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Just, like, yeah, she might live in tomorrow, but… We're still connected.
44
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, I know most high performers already know how to communicate well, so why do they still find themselves reacting in the same way in relationships?
45
::Hannah Dalby: Well, this comes from a forced communa… like, when they're communicating well inside of their business, or they're communicating well in businesses, or, you know, high-level places, this can often be a forced
46
::Hannah Dalby: way of communicating, and they might think they know how to, but I… I would almost argue that when you actually look at the crux of it, there is reactivity going on, there is…
47
::Hannah Dalby: stuff going on inside of business that isn't actually a really nice way of communicating either. And what's happening underneath is the same thing I was just talking about. If you've got these old wounds that are running the system, maybe you weren't nurtured, maybe it was unsafe to state your needs, maybe it was unsafe to be seen in the way that's truly who you are. And high performance
48
::Hannah Dalby: is performance. You've learned to do this really high-level stuff, which is very, very often
49
::Hannah Dalby: an escape from what's actually being connected to yourself. So we overwork, we overfunction, we over everything without actually coming back to ourselves, and it's very hard to have intimacy and actual connection when you're operating from performance and from your mind, rather than actually from your heart.
50
::Hannah Dalby: And it's hard to get to the heart when there's these protector parts.
51
::Hannah Dalby: that are operating in the system, trying to keep you safe, and they're the ones that are reacting. They're the ones that are saying the things that you don't really mean, trying to keep you safe from actually being seen, actually being vulnerable, actually being heard for who you are.
52
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Do you think that stems from people, when they're growing up, they may have said something, or done something, or just been themselves, but they were told they're too much, or they're…
53
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they're… they're just, like, labels. They were labeled.
54
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And… and those labels…
55
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: these labels were actually mean, in that you're labeling somebody for being who they fundamentally are, and so that person is…
56
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they're, like, stuck. They don't know how to be, because apparently this is wrong.
57
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: who I am is wrong.
58
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I think it is sometimes…
59
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, sometimes it's not even a label, like, sometimes it's being shut down, like, I've seen it unpack into a place where you wouldn't think that it's a trauma, and people think, oh, well, my childhood was great, what are you talking about? And there'll be a slight moment very young, where
60
::Hannah Dalby: you tried to be who you were, and someone didn't mean to, but it's like, we don't have time for that, or you're making that other person uncomfortable right now, or I can't actually deal with that, or that's not how I need you to operate.
61
::Hannah Dalby: And with high performance, you often see it as, well, you only get love when you're winning, and you only get love and attention when you're succeeding at something. And so, all of these things intertwined together start creating these patterns. Well, I must achieve and I must get really high results to actually be worthy, or to have love and attention.
62
::Hannah Dalby: And if I actually show who I am, I'll get told that I need to shut up. Or even really, really common is, if I actually shine as who I am, then I'm gonna make other people uncomfortable, so I'm just gonna stay in my lane and perform in this way. And it can be so… like, you know, you talk about
63
::Hannah Dalby: PTSD, but it's more like a complex PTSD, where it's lots of little micro-moments over your life that you wouldn't really remember, but it's creating this internal blueprint in your system, and stuck emotions which create how you operate, the operating system you've now developed.
64
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it actually… it… You internalize it enough, and you've got…
65
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Physical issues that start showing up in your body, because your body is…
66
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: your body is connected to your mind and your emotions. We talk about emotions as though they're these ephemeral things, but emotions actually drive chemical reactions in your body.
67
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And they cause things to happen in your body. It's not like…
68
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's not like a nothing-sum game.
69
::Hannah Dalby: They're starting to prove it now as well. There's some research happening at a university in Australia where they're actually seeing when beliefs and emotions are stuck, there's something in the body that's giving instructions.
70
::Hannah Dalby: And when you release the emotion, or release the belief, or the pattern, the instructions change. And so there's… like, as an example, autoimmune disease is very often anger turned inwards, and so then the instructions are, attack myself.
71
::Hannah Dalby: And when you start to release where that actually came from, the instructions change, and it no longer is attacking yourself.
72
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: in your, like, in your cells. This is communication things that DNA is being turned on and off in your cells. It's not like you're just born and…
73
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you're always going to be the same little cupcake. We're always in a state of… of change and flux and adjustment, and it's like…
74
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know, we eat…
75
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I'm as bad as everybody else, you know, I love me a good chocolate chip cookie. So…
76
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But it doesn't really add to… to our life force.
77
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: we eat so much stuff that doesn't add to our life force, and it interferes in the chemical reactions that are happening in our body. We're just, like, these bioelectrical beings. Yes, we have souls.
78
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But our souls and our bodies and… they're all…
79
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they're all sort of interconnected, but on just the basic level…
80
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, it's not like we're, like, an emotional body, a physical body, a spiritual body, it's not like we only have a, you know.
81
::Hannah Dalby: circularity system, and then a digestive system, and then a… you know, all the different systems. It's one system. The whole thing is one system. We are… and when you were talking earlier about this whole connection, we are connected to all of the things. The same is in our body is the same as outside. It's also how connected are we to the environment that we're in? Like, that's also affecting our body. It is
82
::Hannah Dalby: actually connected.
83
::Hannah Dalby: By energy, by the people that we keep, the company that we keep, the stagnant of our… of our house, what physical things we're keeping around, what…
84
::Hannah Dalby: voices we're hearing, or music we're listening to, it is in one entire system, really. And so it is really important to eat all the right things to get sodium in your body, and to release the stuff inside of you.
85
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and to recognize that it's okay. It's okay to have emotions, it's okay to process those emotions, and the more that we can have people that come alongside us and say.
86
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes, I recognize that emotion.
87
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you're having.
88
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm… I'm gonna validate your feelings for you.
89
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Whatever they are.
90
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
91
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, I think… I think this is where I, you know, to come into a leadership perspective, if…
92
::Hannah Dalby: I, you know, I work with people that are in executive roles, and in these leadership roles, and…
93
::Hannah Dalby: you know, they're told they have to get their team to do a certain job, and then the team, you know, certain people on the team will react back at them and get really angry, and there's mediation, there's all this stuff that really happens in teams all of the time, and what's happening underneath of that is
94
::Hannah Dalby: everyone's got this same stuff. They've got their old wounds that they're reacting to. As a team leader, you might suddenly remind
95
::Hannah Dalby: this person of their mother when they, you know, were told that they weren't allowed to do this thing, or they were told they weren't good enough, or they were told whatever they were told, and so that's the reaction that starts to come up for them. And if, as leaders, we could understand that, not take it personally, not look at it as a place of
96
::Hannah Dalby: well, you're just behaving badly. Perhaps they are, and also, can you actually see what's underneath that?
97
::Hannah Dalby: can you see this person for what's actually going on for them? Because it starts to collapse. When people get seen, heard, and understood for what's actually happening inside of them, it starts to collapse, and then they don't operate in that way anymore. And now they're coming to work and feeling seen, heard, and understood, so there's less stress for them at home.
98
::Hannah Dalby: So then they don't take it home to their families, and you do that on a big enough scale, now we start to get culture change.
99
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and it's… it just starts with communicating between two people, trying to get something done. It's not…
100
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's often… we want things to be right.
101
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We want to be right, rather than… we want to have the relationship go in a way that everybody benefits.
102
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And if you can help people to recognize
103
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: what they're dealing with, or feel seen, and so that, you know, if they have a bad reaction to what you're doing, and instead of trying to be the right or wrong thing, the curious
104
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: explorer person. I don't… you know.
105
::Hannah Dalby: Where does wanting to be right come from, though?
106
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: wounds.
107
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
108
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's definitely not.
109
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, so that need to be… like, that's the first thing to undo, is like, where does this need to be right come from?
110
::Hannah Dalby: And undoing that in yourself so you can actually start to hear other people and hear different perspectives, like I would challenge every single time, all of the issues that are happening in your business, in your world, in the people that you're leading, the people that are around you, are they repeating patterns? And if they are, that's a you issue. It's something that is…
111
::Hannah Dalby: Happening in your system that's creating that outside of you.
112
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Do you mean that in the system of the company, or in the system of you as a human being?
113
::Hannah Dalby: I mean as a human being, like, if you've… if you're as a human being, whether you're just a human being, you know, not just a human being, but if you're just in the world doing whatever you're doing, or you're a leader and you've got heaps of people underneath of you, or you're the CEO of a company, or whatever it is that you're doing, if you've got the same pattern that keeps coming up all of the time, example.
114
::Hannah Dalby: you know, people keep arguing with you about the same thing, or they keep not doing what you ask them to do, or no one, ever does what they say they're gonna do, or people keep reacting to you in a certain way, and it's the same pattern over and over again. It's very likely something within you.
115
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes, yeah, I would agree with that 100%.
116
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
117
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it… we need to be better pattern recognition.
118
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
119
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: at Pattern.
120
::Hannah Dalby: But it's hard.
121
::Hannah Dalby: It's hard to do a bike.
122
::Hannah Dalby: You have to look at yourself and see that you might be the problem.
123
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Then we don't want to be the problem, because we're already wounded.
124
::Hannah Dalby: He's like.
125
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's gotta be something other than me, cause I already got problems!
126
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm already in pain. Please do not make me responsible for this, too.
127
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, it's a big kick in the ego, it's a big kick in shame, it's a big kick in all of these things we then have to feel. I mean, I had an experience of it just in this last week, where I realized I'd been rescuing people, and I thought I was so done with people-pleasing behavior, I was like, I've done that a thousand times over, and I was rescuing people over and over again if they had a big enough drama and a big enough sob story.
128
::Hannah Dalby: And it was costing me so much money, and so much stress in my system.
129
::Hannah Dalby: And, you know, I had to pull people up on how, like, what was happening and changing structures, but it's my fault. Like, sorry everyone, I've rescued you so many times that you've been stuck in these loops with me, now it's done, go stand on your own two feet. It's uncomfortable for them, and it's my fault.
130
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and it's really big of you to recognize that. It's hard, especially for people
131
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm gonna lump myself right in there with you, because I'm a rescuer also. I want everybody to be successful, I want everybody to have peace, I want everybody to…
132
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Feel like they're whole and… and… significant, and so…
133
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't allow them to have the experience they're here to have, which is…
134
::Hannah Dalby: Yes.
135
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That's on me. It's not on them.
136
::Hannah Dalby: Oh, yeah.
137
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you.
138
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
139
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, it's… I recognize that I do it.
140
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But you gotta keep reminding ourselves. We have to keep reminding ourselves that it's…
141
::Hannah Dalby: Well, I think it… I think that pattern still comes from, you know, something old as well. I found the pattern within myself
142
::Hannah Dalby: trying to understand why I would turn into this brat when I would work with my personal trainer. I would train by myself, and I was perfectly fine, and I'd go and train with him, and I didn't want to do anything he was telling me to do. No, it's too hard, it's like… and I'm like, what is… what is this that I'm doing?
143
::Hannah Dalby: And I went to find it, and it was just this, like, really strange pattern. As an athlete, I've been a fighter for 10 years, and I've been with all these sorts of trainers and all these sorts of gyms, and there was a moment really early on in my career, my athlete career, where I actually needed rescuing from a dangerous situation in my gym.
144
::Hannah Dalby: And no one did. And I was pushed too hard. There was all these different patterns that were kind of created from training that…
145
::Hannah Dalby: Made me want to be rescued.
146
::Hannah Dalby: inside of training, and because I needed rescuing and no one rescued me, it made this thing inside of me, well, I'm gonna rescue everyone else because it's what I needed. And then I took it back even further, and my parents, like, my dad's white knight wants to rescue everyone, so he had rescued me so much that I could fall into the being rescued pattern.
147
::Hannah Dalby: And I also learned how to be a rescuer. So all of this stuff, like, it was so entangled, and there were so many different parts of it, so no wonder I couldn't see it.
148
::Hannah Dalby: And dealing with all of that stuff and taking that emotional part of it out of my system, I got mad. I was like, I'm done. Like, I'm absolutely done. And I watched myself show up after I'd released all of that this week, in the moments that…
149
::Hannah Dalby: people would have this drama, and I would normally rescue, and I just didn't have the reaction in my body anymore. I was like, oh…
150
::Hannah Dalby: this! This is where I normally rescue! This is super interesting, and I can just not do that right now, and this other person's gonna get really uncomfortable, and it's not causing me any distress anymore. And then the whole thing collapses.
151
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like that. I… my daughter… I have… I have lots of children. My youngest daughter is… she's 22 now. Probably about a year and a half ago, we were having a conversation in the kitchen about this sort of thing, and she said…
152
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Sometimes people just need you to stand there and witness it. They don't need you to solve their problem for you.
153
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That was really impactful to me, because.
154
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
155
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That is often the case. They just want to… process…
156
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
157
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But they need somebody to process in front of, or with.
158
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Not for you to solve their problem for them.
159
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Because they're here to have an experience, and when we start
160
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Solving the problem and rescuing them, then… then they're not having the experience they're gonna have, and they're often gonna find themselves back in that same situation again, because they don't have the tools to solve the problem.
161
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Because you took it over for them.
162
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I take it over for people. I'm not…
163
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
164
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: at you.
165
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, well, no, it's exactly that, and it's really interesting, because the, like, the whole point of my work is to never do that. Like, the exact thing we created was to never step in. I think one of the reasons why people get stuck in talk therapy type stuff is…
166
::Hannah Dalby: someone's telling them what's wrong with them, and what to do, and what's wrong with them, and what to do, and they're kind of being rescued in that way. Like, these are your problems, this is how you're going to solve it, and it's not really landing. And when you can really take a step back and sit in the silence, people start to… especially if they're going to start sitting in their body, they start to feel
167
::Hannah Dalby: Oh, okay, I get it now. Like, you give them enough space and they will land in something themselves.
168
::Hannah Dalby: So my entire business is created on not rescuing my clients, and not rescuing in these sessions, and yet still, it was like this crazy pattern that was running half of my life.
169
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, like, it just, like, it shows up!
170
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
171
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You have to.
172
::Hannah Dalby: And is it…
173
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Really intentional to… to… to step out of those
174
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They're kind of like ruts that we just get in because it's easy.
175
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: we… I'm an empath, and I intuitively feel things that other people are feeling, and
176
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's… it's super easy for me to say, well, just do this.
177
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But it's hard for me.
178
::Hannah Dalby: It doesn't solve that problem.
179
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It doesn't.
180
::Hannah Dalby: It doesn't actually solve their problem, and they probably end up getting resentful at you, because then what happens is this other part comes out, this rebellious teenager will come out and go, like, I'm not doing what you tell me to do. And so they might do something for a little while, and then they'll come back, and then they wonder why they keep pendulating. Oh, well, I know this is the right advice, I know this is the right thing to do, I've been given all the answers, I just can't figure out
181
::Hannah Dalby: why I can't actually do it.
182
::Hannah Dalby: And it's because you didn't land in it.
183
::Hannah Dalby: So we've got to give people space to sit in their own feelings and process things themselves until they land in their own body, and when you've landed in something in your own body, and you've got a felt sense of this is the answer, now you've got no one left to rebel against. So you're just gonna do the thing, you've taken the resistance out of the way.
184
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And when people want Things to change really fast.
185
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's like… I don't have a magic wand for that.
186
::Hannah Dalby: I mean, I've kind of got a magic wand for that, and it's coming back into your own system.
187
::Hannah Dalby: Well, yeah. You know, like, yeah. So, undoing this stuff can be really fast, we can be very, very surgical about it, and it's like, you want to get here, you want that change, let's just find the exact resistance to that, what happens in your body as you step into that change, undo it.
188
::Hannah Dalby: And now you no longer have that resistance, and it's going to be permanent, because you've actually landed in it. You're actually going to follow through, because you've actually landed in it. So it's a concept that I'm kind of, you know, what if we did anti-coaching? What if we did anti-therapy? What if we stopped telling everyone what to do? Maybe they would actually follow through, maybe they would actually stick to these things.
189
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That's a really interesting conversation. I'm thinking about all the courses that people take, or buy, but they never actually go through. I think it really does come back to this. It's like…
190
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They're not discovering… there's a certain amount of discovery on your own that you need to do in order for the next step to land with you, because you don't…
191
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it doesn't…
192
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: make sense for you. I mean, somebody can tell you how to do something, but until it makes sense for you, and you have what I used to call the framework.
193
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: when I was teaching my kids, you have to have frameworks.
194
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To hang your hangers on.
195
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
196
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: or just the information that you bring in. If you don't have the framework, then all your hangers are just going to land on the floor, and you're not… they're not going to be useful to you.
197
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, so let me give you an example of, like, you know, I had a client that she needed to eat more food. She underate so much.
198
::Hannah Dalby: And I told her, for a year, to eat more food, to get up to this level, and she would, like, kind of do it, not really. Her system was terrified of eating too much food, because she thought that would actually make her fat, and because she was undereating, it was actually making it worse.
199
::Hannah Dalby: And so taking her into her body, and making her sit with all of these feelings, and…
200
::Hannah Dalby: unpacking some of the resistance around it, when I was moving energy through her system, you know, what does this want to say? Like, what does your body actually need? And her body's going, you need to actually nourish yourself, you need to actually fuel what's going on. And then she heard it from her own system.
201
::Hannah Dalby: And from that day forward, she just ate all the food that she needed to eat, and it was no longer me having to try and be like, come on, do this thing! She got it. Her body told her she can't argue with that.
202
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and it's getting back into our bodies and listening to our bodies instead of staying in our head, and…
203
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
204
::Hannah Dalby: Which is hard to do if you live in your head. It's hard to do if you're, you know.
205
::Hannah Dalby: spend your whole day having to solve problems, being in this analytical place, if it's been unsafe to get into your body, if no one's taught you how to feel things before, if you've been running from it your entire life, like, you know, I ask people sometimes, where do you feel that? I'm like, what do you mean? Where do I feel that? What do you mean there's a sensation? It's like, it's foreign, it's a new concept sometimes.
206
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So interesting. I've been dealing with a shoulder injury.
207
::Hannah Dalby: Oh, yeah?
208
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that I don't know what it is, I…
209
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have some ideas. I'm waiting for my body to tell me.
210
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: People tell me that, you know, I need to make space in my heart, and I need to work on receiving.
211
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And…
212
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it started when I was taking care of my dad. My dad's my knee, and I went down to help him get through this medical thing that he went through.
213
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And since I've come home, I've been home about a month now, it goes off and on. I've been to the doctor, and I've been to the chiropractor, and the acupuncture people. I mean, I did all the responsible medical things.
214
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And… Yeah, no
215
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I put all this stuff on it. I don't… I don't really think that it's… it's a physical thing. Well, it is a physical thing, but it's… there's some component to it.
216
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that once I…
217
::Hannah Dalby: What are you… what are you carrying that's not yours to carry?
218
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: quite sure. And that's a lot of it, is just, like, sitting with… with that. I know that it's related to that.
219
::Hannah Dalby: Hmm.
220
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But…
221
::Hannah Dalby: So I had a client, last week who had a… she's pointed to the same shoulder, and she's had it for 7 years, and it comes on and off, and exactly the same thing, and it's really interesting that you're saying that, because she was like, it… it flared again because her dad collapsed.
222
::Hannah Dalby: and,
223
::Hannah Dalby: so it's all come back really badly, and it was giving her a migraine and things like that. So we spent a good hour in it, like, getting it to speak and going back to where it came from and all of these things, and it was a, grief. It was grief around her mother that was unprocessed, that she'd been trying to process for years and years and years, and it was the…
224
::Hannah Dalby: the guilt of actually letting go of the grief. Was it safe, and was she actually safe to do so? And although it was triggered by her father, it was that old and that deep.
225
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hmm…
226
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I know when my mom passed about 10 years ago, my left shoulder froze, and I had all kinds of relationship issues with my mom, but
227
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I got pneumonia so bad, I was hospitalized. I mean, all things that are, like, grief-related and relationship-related. It was just, like, I was actually, like, I found some humor in it as I was going through it, because, you know, you know.
228
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
229
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But you just, like, you're still going through it. And that went away, I did get some… some medical help to, like, physical therapy and stuff to get… because my arm was, like, literally, I could not move it without any pain. It was just, like, so painful.
230
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And she'd come to me in my dreams and told me everything was okay, and it just, like.
231
::Hannah Dalby: Hmm…
232
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I wonder if I'm hanging on to that because of the time that I spent with my dad.
233
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that,
234
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And he's, you know, he's going through some medical things, and he's 90, so… his time is limited, and…
235
::Hannah Dalby: I would imagine it's directly related to it, and I… you know, there's ways to process that, but…
236
::Hannah Dalby: you know, you even look at that like your left… your left shoulder with your mother on the feminine side, and your right shoulder with your dad on the masculine side, like, I would dare say it's…
237
::Hannah Dalby: Definitely some things that need to be said and processed around your dad there.
238
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. Yeah.
239
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
240
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'll work on that.
241
::Hannah Dalby: Okay.
242
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, I know that you help people, you're… you are a coach, and you work with
243
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: mostly individuals? Do you work for companies? How does all that look?
244
::Hannah Dalby: It's mostly individuals, you know, men and women, sometimes couples even. I like working with high-performance people because it's…
245
::Hannah Dalby: I know I've got to do hard things to get to where I want to go, and we can make massive impact, when they start to change themselves. It's not just changing their home life and their relationship, it starts to impact their… where they're working, and who they're leading, and all these types of things, which I find very, very beautiful and very amazing.
246
::Hannah Dalby: But even if it was a company, we're still dealing with the individual, and even if it's couples, we still start with the individual, because any relationship problem is still their own, you know, individual problem first.
247
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, I like that attitude. So many times do you care that…
248
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Two halves become one, isn't that…
249
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: No, honey, it's two individual people that stand on their own two feet.
250
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
251
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and being.
252
::Hannah Dalby: I mean, they do start to share a nervous system.
253
::Hannah Dalby: For sure, like, you'll start to get transference and counter-transference that are happening in the relationship, like, you'll start to feel their stuff, they'll be feeling your stuff, like, understanding what's not mine and what's not yours, but you'll feel the same things, but it's still… you're bringing your own patterns, you're bringing your own stuff inside of it. That's gonna be done on your own.
254
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and you need to heal that stuff on your own.
255
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
256
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You're not, like, constantly… Finding that thing in the other person and picking at them.
257
::Hannah Dalby: for it.
258
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. Because that will ruin your relationship.
259
::Hannah Dalby: Every single time!
260
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
261
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.
262
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, how do people get in touch with you? And I know you have a
263
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: GPT, from ChatGPT. It's an AI…
264
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: piece that you can create, or that you have created for them, so that they can…
265
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Get walked through using the latest in technology.
266
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm gonna let you explain it.
267
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah, well, I mean, it's fun because you can argue with it, and you can yell at it, and all those sorts of things, but it, you can just start talking with it, and it'll ask you some questions, and show you where your gaps are in your relationship, what your next area of growth is, so you can see where you might be lacking inside of your relationship.
268
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like that. And I like ChatGPT, I like the function that you can just click on the microphone and just.
269
::Hannah Dalby: Huh?
270
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to it, and then it will… it will actually… could answer you back if you wanted it, but I like to just let it…
271
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I can read it.
272
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah.
273
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah. So yeah, you can definitely scream at it, yell at it, do whatever you need to do straight into it, and it'll start to give you these answers of where your relationship gap is. I mean, I even got my partner to go through it, and we've done so much of this work, and we still was like, oh yeah, I can see how that's, like, the next gap to move through.
274
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and having tools like that, it's not…
275
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: AI is not personal. It can… it can feel personal, but it doesn't have.
276
::Hannah Dalby: emotions.
277
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it doesn't care if you yell at it or use profanity.
278
::Hannah Dalby: Yeah. Yeah, I've had some big arguments with it.
279
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have, too. I… I like to… To get after it about…
280
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Things that are, like, on the edge.
281
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. That I know that aren't, like, socially acceptable.
282
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Positions to hold.
283
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it… it tries to tell me that I'm wrong. Like, well, you can do whatever you want. I don't have to believe that.
284
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it can be wrong. I mean, AI is not infallible, so you need to know what answer that you are
285
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you need to weigh whatever answers you get back with, is this reasonable? Does this sound like… It's…
286
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It applies to me, or is this…
287
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: making something up out of whole cloth, because that does happen, too. It's getting better, but it's still… you need to…
288
::Hannah Dalby: It's all in the prompts. You can't use basic prompts, you've got to give it, you've got to train it, you've got to use, like, the most complex, like, write a book before you're gonna ask it something, because it will get it, but if you can't rock up to it and go.
289
::Hannah Dalby: hey, can you, like, tell me how to answer this question? It's like, can you tell me how to answer this question from a place of love, and I don't want to have this come through to it, and this is my problem inside of it, and this is how I sometimes show up when I'm responding to these things, and this is what I don't want to have happen. Now you're going to get an answer.
290
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes.
291
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And the more the conversations you have with AI,
292
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: one particular AI or another, the more it knows who you are, and how you process information, and it… it…
293
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We'll feed you information back based on that, rather than, you know, just going.
294
::Hannah Dalby: And also try and make you feel really good about yourself endlessly.
295
::Hannah Dalby: Sometimes the validation is not real, and you should go and ask for some outside advice.
296
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Or… come talk to you. Yeah.
297
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So, how can…
298
::Hannah Dalby: Absolutely.
299
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How can people reach you, reach out to you?
300
::Hannah Dalby: Best way is either thejungle.net.au or HannahDalby.com. Both of those places will link to all of the Instagrams. That's probably the fastest way to get to us, is sending a message on Instagram, I'm on that enough.
301
::Hannah Dalby: Perfect. And you want to send people to the sub stack, don't you?
302
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I want to send people to subset.
303
::Hannah Dalby: I love soda.
304
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: stack.
305
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. So, that's the synthesisHannadalaby.substack.com.
306
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it will be growing.
307
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Exponentially.
308
::Hannah Dalby: Apparently, I now have a 200-making substack coach.
309
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Thank you so much for joining me, Hannah. This has been a great conversation.
310
::Hannah Dalby: Awesome, thank you so much, Jill.
311
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You can learn about… more about Hannah and learn about the GPT that she's created, the Integration Gap Assessment, by visiting thesynthesisHannadalby.substack.com or hannahDalby.com.
312
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And we'll be sure to put those links in the description below. Thanks for tuning in today. If you're ready to amplify your voice, monetize your mission, and…
313
::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: start attracting premium clients for where I was going there. Your next step is simple. Head to thecoachesalchemist.com and schedule your free client acquisition audit. Join us for our next episode as we share what others are doing to raise the global frequency, and remember, change begins with you. You have all the power to change the world. Start today and get visible.
