Join Annie Sousa as she takes off the mask and shares her deeply personal journey with neurodivergence, specifically her experiences with ADHD and autism in this first part of a four part podcast series. Throughout the episode, she emphasizes the importance of embracing one's true self and the challenges that come from masking to fit into societal norms. Annie recounts her childhood struggles, the misconceptions surrounding neurodivergence, and how societal expectations can lead to feelings of isolation and misunderstanding. With honesty and vulnerability, she provides insights on navigating the complexities of self-acceptance and mental wellness, highlighting the significance of community and support. This heartfelt discussion aims to resonate with anyone who has ever felt different, encouraging listeners to recognize that they are not alone in their journey.

Annie Sousa shares an intimate glimpse into her life as she discusses her experiences with ADHD and autism. The episode serves as a powerful reminder of the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals who often feel pressured to mask their true selves to fit societal norms. Annie reflects on her childhood, recalling how she grappled with misunderstanding and isolation, while also highlighting the misconceptions surrounding neurodivergence. Her candid storytelling reveals the emotional toll of feeling 'different' and the stigma that often accompanies such identities, ultimately framing the conversation around the need for greater acceptance and awareness.

The narrative delves deeper into the impact of masking on mental health, illustrating how living authentically can be a revolutionary act in itself. Annie emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance and the ongoing journey toward embracing one's true identity. Through her experiences, she addresses the critical need for supportive environments where neurodivergent individuals can thrive without fear of judgment. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own journeys, with Annie providing practical advice on building flexible routines, practicing self-compassion, and finding community.

The episode culminates in a hopeful and empowering message, as Annie advocates for the importance of understanding and accepting oneself. She challenges listeners to break free from the constraints of societal expectations and to recognize their inherent worth. Annie's story is not just one of struggle, but also of resilience and growth, serving as an inspiring call to action for those who may feel lost in their own journeys. The takeaways from this episode resonate deeply, inviting listeners to embrace their unique identities and advocate for themselves in a world that often demands conformity.

Takeaways:

• Annie shares her personal journey with neurodivergence, emphasizing the importance of authenticity.
• Masking can be exhausting, and it often leads to mental health struggles and burnout.
• Understanding one's neurodivergent brain can be a liberating experience for self-acceptance.
• Creating a flexible routine and using visual aids can greatly help manage daily tasks.
• Practicing self-compassion is essential for overcoming negative self-talk and criticism.
• Finding community and support among others who understand neurodivergence can be incredibly healing.

Mentioned in this episode:

INTRO

intro

INTRO

intro

Hello and welcome back to Unmask youk Mind.

I'm Annie Souza and happy to be here with you guys.

And today's episode is a deeply personal one, guys.

It's.

It's actually one of the biggest reasons why we're all here today and why I'm actually here with Unmask youk Mind and with this podcast.

It's about taking off the mask and sharing our journey.

And in this case, sharing my own journey with neurodivergence, living with ADHD and high functioning autism.

If you've ever felt misunderstood, like you've had to mask to fit in or struggle to accept yourself, I hope this episode reminds you that you are truly not alone.

My goal today is to be as open and vulnerable as possible because I know that so many of you will see pieces of your story in me, and I hope you do, and I hope it helps you understand that it's okay.

There's no shame.

And the whole point is to normalize that it's okay.

So here it goes, guys.

Let's hope this goes well.

So for years I've lived without a diagnosis, feeling like honestly, I didn't quite fit people.

Actually, right now I've had conversations with people and I've heard everything seems like it's easy for you, that everything is perfect, you look a particular way, so you must have everything put together.

And that could not be further from the truth.

First of all, it's not further from the truth in the present.

And oh my goodness, it has never been like that at all in the past.

And people, I have two amazing friends that shout out to them that know me.

They've known me since I was in kindergarten and we've been together in school.

And oh my goodness, they can they attest to this.

I mean, never had it together.

I was loud, I was obnoxious, I was annoying, I was inappropriate.

I would say things that were not okay.

And I don't think they even realized that it was tied to my diagnosis because of this, the stigma, right, of what it's supposed to be.

Excuse me, guys.

Because of what it's supposed to look like.

Because it's supposed to be this way.

Not visual, a little boy, a tantrumy person or something or other.

And I think as society keeps going on and we're learning more and more, we're learning that it's okay if it looks different.

But I think, sadly, yeah, there's still some stigma out there.

So I think the idea of neurodivergence, of autism, high functioning autism, or ADHD is this boy that has behavioral issues or cannot look in the eyes.

So when I come out and I start sharing my story, it's like, no, now everybody has it, you don't have it.

But if you go back to my childhood and you look at how I was, it was never like that.

It was.

It's just that I was really good at what we're discussing today.

Masking.

Listen, guys, honestly, if we all had a camera, we would be Oscar winning actors.

Let's just be honest.

Like, no one knew my fight with food.

No one knew the sensory issues I had.

My goodness, you guys, listen, kudos to my mom and my great aunt.

I had a great aunt who is no longer with us and she was a champion.

That woman found things that I could eat, but my friends never knew.

And I'm going to share this right now with everyone out there.

I would eat as a grown kid baby cereal Gerbers like the one.

And I'm not promoting it, I'm just saying the one that comes in the box.

And check this out, guys.

What I like about it was eating it.

And it's disgusting to a lot of you.

I would like eating the one that you put the powder and then I mix it with the milk.

I would like it eating it with, without the milk and then mixing it with the milk.

And it had to be a particular consistency.

And if you give it to me right now, I probably will eat it because of the texture, because it was very texture.

So it's like, tell me you have autism without telling me you had autism.

Right.

I just didn't.

My parents, honestly, it was so difficult for me.

Halloween, I was the kid that would go to Halloween, do trick or treating and it was embarrassing because I didn't like the candy, but God would, I would pretend and then at night I would give it to my brother.

Never like candy, sugars.

And everybody to this day thinks it's because she just likes to be thin.

No, I don't.

It's not about thin.

It's not about vanity.

It's about disgust.

The textures.

I just hate the textures.

Not only that, the squeeziness.

Oh, guys, listen, if you give me a piece of meat that it's squeezy.

I honestly, I just want to.

I just want to barf.

I'm being very honest.

I have a friend, she's in Florida and whenever we would go out, I would always eat the risotto or something like that.

And she would eat this piece of meat.

I love her for that.

And it's not because I don't like meat.

It's just that whenever I go out to order meat, inevitably it comes not well done.

Like, in a way that I'm sure the texture is not going to be like, squishy or squeezy.

Like, I don't like it.

And she's like, are you vegetarian?

No, I'm not.

I could be, apparently, but it's just this text, the texture of it.

Now, none of this, I ever expressed it to her, to anyone, until I got the diagnosis, because it didn't make sense.

I thought I was weird.

I thought there was something wrong with me.

Right.

I thought of all of the things in the book, all of the adjectives.

Think about all of the adjectives.

I thought about those.

But once I got my diagnosis, I understood.

Oh, my goodness, this makes total sense.

So to my two, going back to the beginning of the podcast, to my two friends that knew me since I was very little, that maybe didn't understood, like, how could she possibly have autism?

Yeah, this is one of the things.

And oh, my goodness.

And the inappropriate comments.

I would say comments because I was very literal.

I remember one comment I said that could be misconstrued a racial comment.

I didn't.

I just thought it was a science comment and I wanted to see something.

So there were common social situations that I didn't quite fit in and things that I did.

I was very loud.

Yeah.

And it overwhelmed my friends, and I know it did.

And I had a lot of social situations where it was hard to interact with my friends.

And I know I was left to the side at times.

And I felt sleepovers.

I overheard two of my friends that they didn't want me there.

And I felt very rejected.

And I went through all of the situations because of my social awkwardness, because I was very literal, because I would say things in a particular way because I didn't know about my diagnosis.

So that's why I like doing this type of information.

And I want to share my information, to share the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

Because this is a journey towards self acceptance and mental wellness, one that I'm still on.

And I hope it offers insights, encouragement, and a sense of connection to anyone listening.

Because I know that a lot of people are not making sense of it and they think that it's something different.

But when we start hearing our stories, that's when they're like, oh, that's like me.

Oh, that makes sense.

Oh, as a kid, I actually felt that way.

It's not only about focus.

It's not only about this, it's not only about that.

And I hope that resonates with you.

If you have a kid and you see your kid doing that, or if you have yourself, your story.

I'm not here to diagnose, but I'm here to bring awareness.

So how did I feel as a kid?

Like I said, I felt different.

It was either day, I was either daydreaming, hyper, focused on random things, or overwhelmed by sounds and social situations.

It was just like completely different areas.

But back then I didn't know that it was ADHD or autism.

I just thought I wasn't trying hard enough or that I was too much for people.

And that was the hardest thing.

I would see my friends also being very outgoing and go and doing a lot of things outdoors.

This was something I wanted.

This is something I really want to stress and share with you.

The outdoors, oh, my goodness.

My goodness, guys, I.

The outdoors, the heat and the temperatures overwhelmed me and I didn't know what daddy did at that moment in time.

I wasn't aware that that was something that actually impacted me and it impacted me physically and I didn't know.

So I felt that I was out of shape, that I was an athletic.

I was a bomb.

Like, I had so many attitudes against me and I felt so bad.

And I started feeling down on myself because I felt like I was like this big couch potato.

And all my friends would thrive and love the outdoors and the fresh air.

And I hated it, mind you, that I live.

It was very hot where I.

But I would see my friends and they would embrace it, but it was.

It was just dragging me down.

The heat would drag me down.

So that is something that in case it resonates with anyone, I wanted to mention it.

So I had difficulty following through on tasks in schools as an adhder.

Now back then I had a lot of difficulty following tasks, following on, following through those tasks.

And that led to a lot of shame and frustration.

I was in a school that was a private Catholic prep school.

So you can imagine it was not inquiry based.

It was very competitive.

People out of that school would go to Ivy league schools.

So my friends would excel.

They would read and study and just get the material in.

So it was very difficult for me.

There was a lot of shame and comparison in my head and all of them, everybody was just excelling.

No one ever realized what I was going through because I wasn't the typical.

I was good at masking.

Everybody saw me not causing ruckus, not creating Problems not moving around.

I was very.

My hyperactivity was very verbal, which now makes sense, the podcast.

But at the time, people thought hyperactivity.

And I think some people at this nowadays still think that they thought hyperactivity was only physical.

They didn't understood that hyperactivity was only.

Was also verbal.

And because of that, yeah, I wasn't moving around.

So it was just.

I was just going.

I was under the radar of the teachers and people.

I had a lot of hypersensitivity to noises and texture and environments.

Like I just said about the heat, the clothes.

And I used to love dancing, and I was on ballet, but I could not do ballet anymore because of the tights and because of the heat.

I had a lot of.

Excuse me, I had a lot of hypersensitivity to noises.

So between the ADHD and the autism, the noises of the classroom, the clicking, the clicking of the pens.

I'm trying to find a pen around me right now, to give you an example.

But, like, right now, when I'm doing the podcast, you might hear some little footsteps.

And that's my golden retriever walking around.

He's always going to be here, guys.

Cooper.

Those things would distract me and would get me completely disconnected from the teacher and what she was saying.

My.

My peers, my classmates getting up or talking or handing in the test or whatever it was.

Those things.

Oh, my goodness.

And another, believe it or not, the smell and the passing, when people were turning the pages in their.

On the.

In their textbooks, that actually, I could actually hear that.

And it was very stressful because I would be competing in my head, feeling bad about myself.

Why wasn't I on that page, Making me more anxious about how slow I was reading or why I wasn't getting the material.

And those.

And the anxiety, of course, makes me more unfocused, which makes it worse.

So it's a cycle.

And then I would feel like I had to work twice as hard just to keep up because of what I'm describing.

And I was still falling short.

So it was just a horrible cycle, right?

There was this unspoken expectation to act normal because of the family and the social pressures.

Again, the environment.

I didn't know what normal was, so I just tried to copy what everybody else was doing, what everyone was doing.

So I became really good at masking.

Oh, and I'm going to talk about that watching tv.

I would copy what the people on the TV show were doing.

Thank God my parents were really good at telling me, and I was good at my peers.

Everybody around me were Watching shows that were appropriate, but nevertheless I was copying them.

So I was good at masking, pretending to be okay even when I wasn't.

However, the problem with masking is that it's exhausting because there is a line where you forget who you are and who your character is and you get overwhelmed.

So you want to get home and you always want to be in your bedroom where you can actually decompress and take off the mask and be yourself, even though you don't know that you're being doing that because it's subconsciously you just want to be comfortable, right?

You want to be comfortable in your space.

So it became to a point that I just wanted to get out of the school.

The noises, the smell, the footsteps, the page turning, the competitiveness, the pettiness, the bullying, all of that, get home and be in my bedroom, not even be outside, be in my bedroom.

And there were more complications that I will keep talking about it in other podcasts.

That comes with the pressures of all of this potential.

You know, you have all of this going on that you find other things to soothe yourself.

You find food, binge eating, other kids find cutting, other people can find ketos, find alcohol.

There's so many things, I'm not saying that's what happened to me.

I'm just saying things that can happen because of this.

But I'm just trying to share the scope of how much undiagnosed autism and things like this, the weight that it carries on a teenager, right?

So when I got diagnosed with adhd in my 20s, I was.

It felt like, like a light bulb went off suddenly.

So much of that made sense.

So much of my life started making sense.

The why I struggled to focus started, wow.

This is why, why I procrastinated, why I felt overwhelmed even with simple tasks.

It was a relief, but also a lot to process because I was like, things started making sense about the focus.

That part of me that felt dumb, why am I always reading, reading, reading, but I'm not registering?

It started making a lot of sense.

However, there were other parts that were still missing, other pieces.

So when I got my high functioning autism diagnosis in my 40s, right, that's when I was diagnosed.

And I realized this is another huge turning point.

It wasn't just that I had adhd, it was that my brain was wired differently in ways I hadn't fully understood before.

It felt like finally being handed a roadmap for myself.

I was like, oh, this makes sense.

Because for me, what was affecting me was the sensory aspect, the social Aspect, all of those things.

So while the focus was affecting me immensely, with medication, I was able to tackle that.

The dysregulation, the emotional dysregulation was an issue, but there were all of these other components that were still affecting me, and I still didn't understand why couldn't I put a pin on what was going on?

So I finally started to begin understanding.

Whoa.

Here's a roadmap for myself now.

While the diagnosis gave me answers, it quite didn't fix everything.

There were still societal expectations, relationships to navigate, and that internal voice telling me I wasn't enough.

But it did give me a starting point, a way to work with my brain instead of against it.

So understanding my brain made me realize, this is why I'm able to understand people's tones differently.

This is why I'm able to understand them ahead.

This is why I'm able to make connections faster.

This is why people, when I was a kid, would say to my parents, oh, this is why she's so mature.

This is.

But.

And it made me understand why people could get annoyed sometimes because I could be, like, understanding them before they're ready to share something.

So these are things that I started learning about myself.

So it gave me a lot of answers.

But masking also made me realize how exhausting it is and what can I do to feel better?

Because masking is when you hide your true self to fit in.

It's smiling when you feel overwhelmed, forcing eye contact, or staying quiet when you have so much to say.

So I spend years doing this, and telling me, let me tell you, is exhausting.

It is exhausting when you're hiding your true self.

It's exhausting when you're having to do all of these things, when you have to stay quiet.

It's so exhausting.

And I see now my two kids, and I see them attempting to do all of this in school, and at least now they have a diagnosis and they have tools, so they're not doing it the same way as I did, because it's a different journey.

But I can see, and I see other people doing it, and it is an exhausting journey.

So in my case, masking affected my mental health because it was a lot of there was burnout from trying to meet neurotypical standards, because that's, in essence, what masking is, right?

You're trying to live neurodivergent in a neurotypical world.

So meeting those neurotypical standards was exhausting.

The anxiety from feeling like I was always performing was starting to take A toll.

And because I believe I could never show the real me, it was starting to make me feel sad and drained.

So I had to let go of that mask.

And it's taken time, but I have learned that letting go of the mask is one of the bravest things that you can do.

It's a daily choice to show up authentically, even when it's messy, even when it's hard.

And the more that I've embraced who I am, guys, the lighter I felt.

I'm not saying that it's an easy process, because letting go of the mask, it's been the hardest process I've gone through.

I started learning go of the mask when I got my diagnosis of ADHD.

I'm talking about my 20s.

I started embracing who I was.

I started understanding that I was masking.

So that gave me a lot.

I was able to do the heavy lifting back then.

And I have to tell you, it's taking all of that time until now that I feel that I'm feeling more authentic.

I can talk to you on this podcast.

I can talk to people at my work.

I can do things authentically.

But it's taken years of therapy, of working, of doing things in order to let go of the mask.

And it's because I felt that when I was masking, it was draining me.

But when I decided to, oh, it's about understanding my brain, is about being honest about it.

And okay, yes, I have these things, but this is why I do it.

So it's not me that I'm wrong.

It's not that I am defective.

It's just that it just is.

It just is.

It's like.

It's the way a car runs.

It's like having a computer.

I just need to learn how to use the computer.

Up until now, I just didn't know how to use a computer.

Oh.

But now I know how to use the computer.

And that's what helped me embrace it and feel that even though.

When it's messy and even though when it's hard, now I feel like I can embrace it, because that's who I am.

I just have this computer, and now it feels lighter.

So what things can I.

Can I share with you?

That's helped.

Okay.

Building a routine that works for my brain.

So you have to build a routine that works for your brain.

So I've learned that routines are essential, but they have to be flexible.

And I know it's kind of like routine and flexible, but, yeah, it can happen.

So I use a lot of visuals.

I'm very visual.

I use a lot of visual reminders like time blocking and a lot of self confessions when things don't go as planned because, hey guys, listen.

My life.

There's a word that I use with my kids all the time and it's pivot.

Because in life, nothing if like, let's just face it, things don't go out as planned.

Like 90.

What, 99% of the time.

98.

And it's not statistics.

I'm just putting a number out.

But the reality is things don't always go out as planned.

So I'm always pivoting.

So it's about being flexible.

Okay?

Things didn't go out as planned is not.

It's not because I'm a product, it's not a bad person.

It's just because they just are.

So I just basically do like a routine, right?

These are my routines, like a roadmap of the day.

And if things are not happening, it's just life.

So let me be flexible with the day.

What can I do?

How can I pivot?

What are things that I can do?

And then go with it.

Be compassionate about it, be okay, be mindful about it.

But do a lot of visuals of my day and set reminders.

Guys, I cannot stress enough.

If you see my phone, I have over 10 alarms.

For instance, before dropping off the kids, I have more than five alarms.

6, 6 45.

7.

7.

O 5, 7 15.

And that keeps me on track to drop them off.

By the time I have to drop them off because three ADHD or three oddly, adhd.

In a house, it's really hard to have time blindness.

So in order to keep us on track, I have the alarms keeping me on track.

That.

Okay, guys, keep moving, keep moving, keep moving.

And it might sound anxiety provoking to you, but it's not.

I have.

I already know what's going on.

It keeps us on track because we start talking, we start sharing our things.

My son starts talking to me about the book he's read, my daughter as well.

So we just stop and start enjoying our company, which I love.

But because of that hyper fixation, then we lose track of time.

Time blindness.

So the alarms help us.

So things like that and visuals, it helps us keep us on track.

Another thing is journaling for that reflection and that growth.

So it's been a game changer, to be quite honest.

Journaling now you have no idea.

With ADHD and neurodivergence, a lot of us have things like dysgraphia.

Writing to me has always been something which Is ironic because I write for most of the time, I write ebooks, I write content, but that came after therapy and treatment.

So the reason why I bring this, I say this is because I do understand that a lot of you may be listening to this and saying, yeah, easy for you to say.

It's hard for me to write.

The reason why I say that is, no, it's not easy for.

It was not easy for me all the time.

So with that in mind, journaling can also be on your voice memo app.

You can journal on an audio device.

You don't have to be writing all the time.

You can journal in so many ways.

The point is to journal, to record in any way your thoughts.

The wins of the day, the struggles, anything that helps you keep track of your progress and gives yourself credit for the small victories because you build on those.

People tend to go negative by nature.

Human brain has that ability to have 85% of the thoughts that are negative.

So if we need to shift that right, we don't want to add more to it because our human brain already does that, not automatically.

So if we're going to be focusing on add more negative, it's not going to be advantageous for us, not going to be good for us.

So how about if we write down or audio down or draw down thoughts, wins, struggles, anything to help keep track of your progress.

So that way you can give yourself credit for those small victories and you can start seeing patterns and you can build off of that.

And also it helps you out with the next tip that I have for you.

Practicing self compassion.

This has been a big one, guys.

This is hard because you have all of this rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria, some of us, all of these expectations that you want to meet, but this has been a big one.

Listen to me.

When I catch myself slipping into this negative self talk and I did a podcast about this before, so you can go back and check it out, I pause and I ask, why would I say to a friend in this situation, would I really talk this way?

And I've mentioned this one before and I'm going to keep mentioning this one because I cannot stress how important this is because you will never talk to a friend the way that you talk to yourself.

Let's face it, we will never talk to a friend the same way.

So it helps me shift from criticism to kindness.

It kind of gives me a little bit of a, yeah, a win in a way.

And then find community and support.

You guys find yourself, your people, one of the most healing parts of this journey has been connecting with other neurodivergent people, people that understand me.

I have this friend when I moved here, I have an amazing friend in Florida.

And she connected me with this amazing human, an amazing, amazing.

That person that has turned out to be one of my closest friends and her kiddos.

And my kiddos are, oh my goodness, they're like, they could be twins.

They are the same.

And she and I also connect on the same neurodivergent level.

So finding a community at my kiddos school, amazing neurodivergent level.

So finding a community where you feel seen and understood it, at least to me it has made all the difference in the world.

It helps you move forward.

It helps you feel accepted.

It helps you feel connected.

That shame and that criticism, it goes away.

If you ask me about my school experience as a kid and I look at my kids, it would have made a big difference Being in a school like the one my kids are at.

My kids are at this amazing school.

Actually, I'm gonna plug at Seneca Academy.

And that school is amazing, neurodivergent, friendly, welcoming.

In cuirvase, families are very welcoming.

So if you go to that type of school versus a school like the one that I went to, a community like the one that I went to, very fixed mindset, very competitive, very prep, then it's harder.

It's harder because you feel like you're being judged and you feel that shame.

So that's why it's so important to find a place where you feel that support.

So being a neurodivergent parent, now that I'm talking about schools, what does it feel like?

Well, first of all, kudos to you.

If you're a parent of a neurodivergent kiddo or kiddos.

That has been one of the biggest challenges for me and I'm neurodivergent, but also one of the biggest joys because raising my own neurodivergent children has taught me so much.

I always say it's like my own fellowship because it's not just about them, it's also about myself.

They've shown me the importance of patience, self awareness and creating spaces for differences.

Now, I want to stress this to all the parents of neurodivergent ketos and please, I want you to listen.

Keto's neurodivergent.

They're very self aware.

They're always analyzing things.

So if you have a keto that's neurodivergent and goes to therapy and says that doesn't connect with the therapist, chances are it's because the therapist is saying something that your keto already knows.

So if you have a keto that's neurodivergent and it's always this whole, oh, they are so mature.

It's because there's very self aware.

It's more about self awareness.

They're always in their head, they're always analyzing everything, they're always seeing, parent.

It depends if they're, if they're on the spectrum, they see patterns, they get to things fast.

So fast.

So because of that, that's something that you need to be aware of those differences and it helps when you talk to them.

And I know I see a lot of parents sometimes and I see this on social media that millennials nowadays, they don't want to parent.

No, it's not that.

It's just that this whole because I say so does not work.

It does not work.

There's research on this and if you just tell keto, especially neurodivergent ketos, because I say so, it's not gonna go well.

They're gonna get dysregulated because they, they have a lot of questions.

So their anxiety is gonna get them dysregulated and you're not gonna be able to anywhere with them.

And just because you explain things to them doesn't mean they're not going to get to do what you want them to do.

You're going to explain things to them.

I mean they don't want to do it.

Yes, they're going to get consequences, but they just want to know things because they're very inquiry based.

And it's another thing that I wanted to say, learning to navigate relationships as a neurodivergent adult.

Yeah, it can be tricky.

I have to set boundaries, communicate my needs and most importantly learn that it's okay if not everyone understands or accepts me.

So like I just said, other parents might be judgmental and you may have family members and this happens a lot and personally has happened to me that some family members are not aware of their own mental health or some people are not aware of their own issues.

So because of that they just don't accept the mental health component.

Mental health doesn't exist or ah, that's they're going to outgrow it.

I don't know if you've ever heard that, ah, they're going to grow it.

So if you are a cycle breaker, meaning you are the person in your family that's breaking that generational trauma, or if you are one of those that have faced the other, going to outgrow with people.

This message is for you.

You don't have to convince anyone.

I know you've been listening all your life and it makes sense.

Think about it.

You've been listening all your life how you are too much.

You've wanted that validation because you've always been critical, criticized.

I'm sorry, so you're very critical of yourself.

You've always been saying you've always have to be masking.

So your needs masking literally is you putting your needs completely to the side to put everybody else's needs on top, Right?

So now I'm here telling you, yes, take the mask off and put your needs on top.

And I know it's a very hard thing.

So that's why I'm saying it's a journey, right?

That's why the neurodivergent experience, if you've grown up undiagnosed, is what we call that neurodivergent trauma.

Because you've gone through all of that.

So now you have to rewire your brain and be like, you are enough.

Your needs are important.

You are important.

So it's okay.

So look at it from this perspective, these people, it's a damn problem.

It's not a you problem.

If you're a cycle breaker and these people are not accepting it, maybe it's because they are undiagnosed, it's a cult.

Maybe it's another thing, cultural thing, it's a generational thing.

Whatever it is, what we know is that it's not because of you.

There are other factors that are hindering, that are affecting their ability to have the compassion and the awareness to understand your situation.

Therefore, they're not part of your journey anymore.

But you know, it's not because of you.

It's because of whatever it is, societal stigma, but it's not because of you.

So because of that, you need to completely understand that.

And that's going to help you remove that guilt, remove that heaviness of their judgment and accept and normalize who you are.

Because you're going to realize, oh my God, it's not me.

Look at their generation, look at the culture.

It's because of that.

And you're not going to shame them if you're going to understand them.

And that's going to give you the compassion to not only understand them, but understand yourself and help you move on.

So if there's something I've learned along the way and on this journey is that your brain is not your enemy, please say this loudly.

Your brain is not your enemy.

So the way that you think, feel and experience the world is valid.

So even if it looks different from others, self acceptance isn't a destination, it's a practice.

And every day you have the opportunity to show up as yourself.

It is extremely important.

So again, your brain is not your enemy.

So whether you've been diagnosed or not, whether you relate to my story or not, I want you to know this.

You are enough, just as you are.

There is no right way to be.

There's only your way.

And the more you embrace that, the more freedom you'll find.

If you've ever felt you've had two masks to fit in, I invite you to take one small step toward authenticity this week.

Maybe it's experiencing how you really feel or giving yourself permission to rest without guilt.

It's those small moments that lead to big changes.

Try to think about that.

Like I said, and I want to say something.

As you're growing and as your kids are growing, things change because developmentally your kids are going to change.

So in the autism world, that abstract thinking goes to concrete thinking.

So that literal thinking, the all or nothing and that thinking, like I shared before, I used to take everything very, very literal.

And now, because of course you develop your concrete thinking as you grow older, it makes it easier to understand that of course people are not saying things.

Literal things are going to get easier.

Therapy also helps.

So understand.

It's going to get better with awareness, with unmasking, and with knowledge.

I hope that helps.

Next week we're going to be talking about setting healthy boundaries without guilt.

Because saying no can be one of the most powerful ways to say yes to yourself.

You won't want to miss that.

So thank you so much for being here with me today on Unmask youk Minds.

If today's episode resonated with you, please subscribe, rate and share it with someone who you think might need to hear it.

And remember, there is no mask required to live your truth.

Until next time, take care and be kind to yourself.