Welcome to Part 2 of the Create a Life You Love Series.On the podcast today Kristin talks with Laura Cruise, Author, Speaker, Coach and Podcast host of Your Dream or Mine, about how we can step into the driver's seat of our own lives and go from thinking about our dreams to actualizing them (this is a replay from last year).

If you are ready to take action and go after your dreams this is the perfect episode for you. Kristin and Laura also talk about getting clear on who you are, what you stand for and what makes you happy.

Laura shares her personal story, starting from her decision to leave a corporate job after a decade of stability, driven by the desire for greater autonomy and fulfillment. The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing what truly matters in life, urging listeners to reflect on their own dreams and desires. Kristin and Laura discuss the societal pressures women often face, particularly the tendency to prioritize others over their own needs and aspirations.

They highlight the significance of self-focus—not as selfishness but as a necessary practice for personal growth and happiness. Throughout their discussion, Laura encourages listeners to explore their 'magic'—the deeper motivations behind their dreams—and to embrace the idea that it is never too late to make a change. This episode serves as a powerful reminder that pursuing one's passions can lead to a more fulfilling and enriched life, while also inspiring those around us to do the same.

Takeaways:

• It's essential to identify what's holding you back from pursuing your dreams and desires.
• Embracing self-focus instead of selfishness can empower women to prioritize their needs.
• The journey to self-discovery and fulfilling dreams takes time and requires patience.
• Understanding your 'why' behind your dreams can provide motivation and clarity in your pursuits.
• Don't be afraid to ask for what you need in your career or personal life.
• It's never too late to start exploring new possibilities and reinventing your life.

Connect with Laura online at LauraCruise.com or on Instagram @thedreamtransitionmentor

Download the Free Joyful Living Devotional Journal: https://kristinfitch.com/devotional

Download the Free Reignite Your Passion Workbook https://kristinfitch.com/passion

Ready to work with Kristin? Book a free consultation

https://kristinfitch.com/services-2

Ignite Your Passion, Simplify Your Life and Deepen Your Faith

Are you trying to design a life you love but get stuck in the what-ifs, and expectations and obligations in your life? Welcome to Building a Life You Love, a podcast dedicated to helping you step into a life where your passion blooms from within, your faith deepens and simplicity becomes your favorite synonym for everyday life. What is holding you back from designing a life you love. It's time to give yourself permission to step into a future that nourishes, renews, and supports you and What God Has for You.

Each week we'll dive into creating positive habits, stepping out of your comfort zone, making space for meaningful relationships and deepening your faith.

I share practical tips, uplifting guest conversations and expert guidance you can use.

We will focus on:

- Simplifying Our Lives

- Slowing Down Our Pace

- Rediscovering Our Passion, Creativity & Curiosity

- Stepping into New Possibilities at Any Age

-Igniting Our Faith Fueled Dreams

- Cultivating Healthy Physical, Mental and Spiritual Practices

- Overcoming Fears and Limiting Beliefs

- Makeovers: Learning to Be Present, Calmer and Grateful

- Cultivating and Nurturing Our Friendships and Marriages

This is Your Life. Your One Life. How Will You Choose to Live It? I choose to celebrate those among us who stepped off the path of expectation and into a life that feels good on the inside and outside. If you are looking for a place to help you live a more joyful, peaceful life and to step into more ease and calm in your day you've come to the right place.

#reigniteyourpassion #growthmindset #creativity #curiosity #midlife #midlifewomen #rediscoveryourpassion #sayyestoyourself #chaseyourdreams #purpose

Hey.

Hey, friends.

And welcome back to building a life you love.

This is your host, Kristen.

Today is part two of the create a life you love series.

I'm actually bringing you an episode that I recorded some time ago, but it is everything about following your dreams and stepping into new possibilities.

So I can't wait to share it with you.

I am so excited for today's episode.

You guys are in for a treat.

If you are ready to take a chance to bet on yourself and to step into something new in your life, then I am talking to a great guest about how do we find more freedom, step into flow, have a more fulfilling and fun life.

We talk about how we do it, how we're working towards everything we want and how you can do the same.

Here's what I want to ask you.

What is holding you back?

What is the thing that's holding you back from going after your dreams and from finding meaningful work you love?

Aren't you ready to wake up to the possibilities that are in your life and go after the things you've dreamt of?

It's time for you to feel alive again, lit up, and for you to know that you're deserving and you are worthy for the future that's waiting for you.

I want you to feel fulfilled and find abundance in your life.

I think it's time and I'm ready to help you get started.

Now.

I'm your host, Kristen, of building a life you love.

And each week on the show, we're going to help you figure out how you do go after your dreams and find work you love.

Here we go.

Let's get started.

Before I introduce my guest and share the conversation with you today, I wanted to let you know if you head on over to kristanfitch.com, i have a new download for you that's absolutely free called create a life you love.

It's a journaling workbook of lists.

So if you're a girl that loves a list and you love writing things down, this is for you.

This has tons of them.

It has writing down your dreams and desires.

It has writing down what you want for your future.

I mean, it has so many lists.

And the great part about it is, is it's meant to be used as you want to fill in the lists.

But I think it's a great resource.

I think you're going to love it.

And it goes so well with this episode about stepping into our dreams.

And so go on and grab that now.

At least download it.

You don't have to print it and the idea is to print each page as you need it so that you don't have to print the entire workbook right now if you don't want to.

Hi.

Today on the show, I would like to welcome Laura Cruz.

She's a coach and a mentor.

She's the podcast host of your dream or mine.

She's a keynote speaker, and she is the author of a newly published book, dream it and do it.

And I am very excited for this conversation today because we align on a lot of levels, but the most important level is that we want to help other women do what we're working on doing in our own lives, which is really coming up, understanding our dreams, understanding what it is we really want, and then going after it and living a life that feels right for us.

So I want to welcome Laura to the show.

Welcome Laura.

No, Kristen.

I think that's the best introduction I've ever had.

That was amazing.

Thank you.

Well, thank you.

I am.

I'm really excited for this conversation.

And I think that, you know, our listeners are going to get so much out of it because I think both of us, like so many people and so many women, are on a journey.

And, of course, while we've done a lot of the work to realize our dreams, it's a ongoing and it's a continuous process and iteration.

And so what I love is we've both been through our own paths and journeys, but I think we're gonna have so many shared connection points or intersections that it's gonna be a really valuable conversation.

And what I would love to start off with doing is let the listeners know a little bit more about you.

Can you tell us a little bit about your backstory and then what you're up to now?

Okay, so I've got three kids.

I'm married and remarried.

So my first marriage ended about ten years ago.

And I guess probably that, for me, was the start of deciding that I wanted something different for my life.

So at 38, becoming a single mum to three kids, my decision, but still a painful decision.

And deciding, okay, so I'm going to leave that and I'm going to start again.

And if I start again, what would I like that life to look like?

And, you know, that's a hard decision, I will say.

I'm not advocating getting divorced.

That's not what I'm saying.

You don't have to do that to follow your dream.

But that was probably the start point for me to start thinking about.

Okay, so I can do something different.

I've chosen something different.

What will that be?

And it took time to come to that, but I guess four years ago, I had a moment where I was thinking about the job that I was in at the time and the job that I loved and a company, great company, I worked for.

I was the head of learning and development.

I'm not sure if you have that kind of title in America, but head of learning and development for a really successful entrepreneurial pub company.

And it was great, very sociable, fun, lots of freedom in my role.

It was absolutely brilliant.

But I'd been there for four years, and when I joined, I decided I'd be there for five.

So when I got to year four, I was like, oh, okay, so I've got a year to go.

What will I do?

Like, where would I want to be this time next year?

And I just had this moment, Kristin, where I thought, I don't want to work for anybody else.

I want to work for myself.

And I honestly had never considered it before.

I'd always felt that it was kind of other people.

You know, I've got friends who've got their own businesses, you know, quite a lot of male friends who've got kind of, like, construction based companies and stuff like that.

But I'd always had this view that if you worked for yourself, it was really hard, and you were never able to put it down, and you couldn't go on holiday, and it was, you know, you were always worrying about money.

So I'd almost kind of always dismissed it.

But once I had this thought, I want to work for myself, I just.

It was like I'd taken the lid off the box.

I couldn't put the lid back on.

I needed to explore it.

And so from that moment, it was a year from having that kind of, you know, epiphany, I maybe to actually leaving my job.

So I had a lot to do in that year to transition over, and I left my job just as a global pandemic hit.

Perfect timing now, best laid plans and all that.

But I've been so.

I've been working for myself for just over three years, and I absolutely love it.

I love every bit of it.

I have never once regretted it.

I love just the fact that I've designed a life that fits every part of me, and I wish that I could gift that to every woman that I meet.

That's why I do the work that I do, because I would like other women to feel what I feel so.

Good and, oh, so true.

And before we jump into some further conversation or some questions, I do want to make a point about something you said that I think is really important.

You said, I had never really entertained that idea.

And I've talked to a lot of people, whether they're guests or people I've worked with, and they say that.

She said, but it wasn't fitting my life.

You know, she had children.

She wanted to be able to travel, and she could never, as a teacher, take a trip, for instance, in October.

So she said, it wasn't until I started, you know, we'll just say, opening your horizon.

Right?

In other words, I think one of the most important things we can do in life is read books, listen to podcasts, go and be around different people.

But I think when we expand what it is we think is the case about anything, right?

About healthy relationships, about what kind of work can we do, what can that work look like?

But I think if we open ourselves up to the possibility, because that's really what all this is about, is are we open to possibility?

Are we open to change?

And it doesn't mean it has to happen today, but I think the first thing, we have to be open minded to that maybe whatever we're sitting in, if something feels not right about it, or we know we don't want it to look our future to look like this forever, there are possibilities, but we have to be opened to going and learning about them, you know?

And I think that's an important point to make.

Yeah, you're so right.

And, you know, me deciding that day, oh, I really want to work for myself.

That wasn't the end of it.

That was the start.

That was the moment where I went, okay, so if I want to work for my myself, what's that going to look like?

What will I do?

How will I make that work?

I'm going to leave a good salary and pension and company car and all of that.

How will I make that work?

And that takes time.

That's why I describe myself as a transition mentor, because you're not saying, yep.

So it's Friday, I'm going to quit, and Monday I've got that business.

It doesn't work like that.

There are people that make success with it very quickly, but they are few and far between.

Yeah.

For the majority of us, it takes time.

That's right.

That's right.

Absolutely.

So let me just put this question to you.

I know one of the things that early on, you realized that you had to figure out was some questions that maybe in the past, because you were kind of in a corporate job, you were married, you had young children you hadn't really thought about, but you started realizing you needed to understand or discover about yourself or rediscover.

Who were you?

What do you stand for?

What makes you happy?

Can you tell us about how that came up for you?

And what did you have to do in order to realize maybe I hadn't really answered those questions before?

Yeah, I think so.

When I was married the first time, I think when I had three children under the age of five and, you know, it was pretty busy and I think I lost sight of myself.

I think I was somebody's wife, a mum.

I was mum, wife.

I think I forgot who Laura was.

And I think probably that's why that marriage ended, because I just completely lost sight of me.

And I think that happens to a lot of women.

And I think it's a real shame.

And one of the.

One of the things that I like to encourage my listeners or readers or clients to think about is, as women, we often get pushed to the bottom of the pile.

And I don't think that's an intentional thing.

I think sometimes we do that to ourselves.

We're very good at making sure that our partner, our parents, our kids, the pets, our friends are all looked after and we forget that there isn't much left for us.

And I think sometimes, as women, we feel selfish if we think about ourselves.

And I would encourage your listeners to think of themselves as being self focused.

So if you're self focused and thinking about what you want, nobody likes selfish people.

We say that as a negative, don't we?

Oh, gosh, she's so selfish.

But if you think about somebody and you say, oh, wow, she's so self focused.

Like, we're like, oh, that's impressive.

Selfishness is not impressive.

Self focus is really impressive.

And I would encourage the listeners to think about kind of what does make them happy, what does make them tick, what do they enjoy?

Because, and obviously not everybody has kids, but when you are a mom and you're busy and you're working and whatever you're doing, maybe you're caring for elderly parents, you get so stuck in the doing that you don't ever think about, you don't look outside because you're stuck in the day to day.

And I get it.

Cause it happens to us all.

But if you can elevate and like you said, think about the what if?

What's the possibility?

Just allow yourself to even, even think of something different.

And you know what?

The reason I say that is?

There's a new amazing local bookshop close to me, like an independent bookshop.

And they've been selling my book.

And somebody came in and it was a mum and daughter.

I think the daughter was an adult.

And the, the daughter said, oh, mom, that book looks great for you.

Why don't you buy it?

And the moment, oh, she kind of, apparently she picked it up a few times and then put it down, didn't buy it.

And I think it's almost because if you, if she bought it, perhaps she felt that she was opening up something a bit like me.

I opened my box, right?

And then I couldn't close it.

The fear of if I start to explore what I might want, maybe I don't want what I have now.

But maybe you do.

Maybe you do still want what you have, but you want something in addition, or you want to tweak something or you want to change some priorities.

You don't have to overhaul your life.

Do you see what I mean?

But you have to look at yourself and say, what?

Make me happy?

Absolutely.

Well, yeah.

And I think when we start asking questions, if we haven't been, or it's been a long time, because for so many reasons, all the reasons you said, right.

Maybe we've been in a corporate world and we've been working over working.

Maybe we have families, maybe both.

Maybe, like you said, we're caregiving.

There's so many reasons why women, because we've tended to be the caregivers in society and culture, right.

Whether you have a family or you don't.

And because of that, a lot of times we are always putting others first, which is a wonderful thing, but not to our detriment.

But I think if we start realizing that when we ask these questions, what it's really saying is, do we really understand what we stand for?

Who would we, or what would we fight for?

What are our virtues?

Not saying we don't know those.

What I'm saying is when we start realizing that, when we ask questions like who am I, what do I stand for and what makes me happy, they're not frivolous questions.

They're really actually getting to the heart of us so that every choice we make is balanced or bounced off of those things.

Yes, absolutely.

So I think when some people hear things like happy, they think it's, oh, you know, that's not about that.

Like, I have to work to pay the bills and I have to take care of my kids.

How can I be more happy, right?

Like, I just have to do.

But that's actually not true, because the happier we are, and I use the word joy more because, like, an inner gladness, right?

But to me it's the happier we are, the more joyful we are in serving in purpose, right?

And that we're serving ourselves and we're serving families, whatever.

But if we do it from a place of understanding our why and knowing that we're getting what we need, we're going to do a better job at all the things we're doing, right?

We're going to show up in the world the way we're meant to show up instead of just getting why.

Absolutely.

And I think it's also really important to remember that you.

The way that you operate and as a woman and the way that you show up, you inspire others.

So you inspire your friends, your sister, your mum.

You know, your mums, you know, it's always the case, right?

Your mum never had as many opportunities as you will have, and my daughter will have more opportunities than I've had.

Do you see what I mean?

But you'll inspire those around you to think about what would make them happy.

So it's that kind of ripple effect.

So, you know, show up and be the best, the best that you can be and live your best life in order to inspire others to do the same.

Yeah.

Well, I love the example you gave of that bookstore.

First of all, I think it's great that a new independent bookstore just recently opened up near your house, because, as we know, there's not enough anymore.

But I love the story about the mother and daughter in the book because I know you hear it, too, but I hear it over and over and over again, whether it's someone I talk to or whether I talk to other women who are building things like we are, and then they're talking to their audience, if you will.

You know, so there's a woman I'm friends with, she's working, I'm writing a book about finding love in her fifties, and she started a group and she's doing things, and she said, so many people say to her, I just, how did you do it?

Like, I don't know how to do it.

And then she'll say something like, oh, well, you just have to put yourself out there, right?

Like much like the possibility.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, no, I can't do that.

Or, oh, no, no, I don't want to leave my house.

Once again, though, it's, we are getting stuck in either fear or not believing that it could be different than it is now.

And so what do you have to say about that?

What are you seeing and what was true for yourself about, why don't we start?

Why are women in general, and this is a generalization, getting, why are we afraid to start?

Why are we afraid to try something new like that mom putting the book down?

Because either she didn't believe she could, right.

Or she was.

She didn't know how.

So what would you tell us about that?

I think it's such a good question.

It just, I don't know.

It's such a big question.

I've forgotten the question.

That's okay.

So.

Right.

So what I'm saying is, like, no, the mom at the bookstore.

Right.

I, many other women say, I just can't find love or I can't go start my own business, or I don't think I could do that.

Or maybe they're divorced or they're widowed or whatever it is, and they're like, I'm afraid to try new things.

Right.

So why are we getting stuck in fear or not believing we could?

So I was just curious, from your own journey or some people you've talked to or worked with, what are you hearing beyond?

It seems to be fear holding us back.

Oh.

And it so often is fear.

I'll give you another example.

So a friend of mine who is the thing that she's doing for her own business, which she's just set up, is what she does in her job, if that makes sense.

She's going to do it freelance.

And she's amazing.

And she could earn so much more money doing it for herself than she would being employed.

And we had this conversation, and she said, I said, oh, how much do you earn a month?

And, you know, how much do you get?

You know, she works part time.

And she said how much it was.

And then she said, yeah.

So I just think I'd be losing that if I left.

So I said, okay, well, what would you gain?

What would you gain?

Instead of because if.

How much could you charge for.

She's a celebrant.

How much could you charge for a wedding?

Okay, so basically what you're saying is if you did two weddings a month, you could already replace that salary.

How about if you did four weddings a month or even six, but you could do four.

It would be nice.

And how much work would that take?

And it was really interesting.

She said, I have never thought of it like that, and that's because we tend to look at the what we're going to lose, not we're going to gain what we're going to gain.

We tend to look at the downside rather than the upside.

We tend to be drawn into, if I give up my job, I'm going to lose my stability.

And I say that in inverted commas, because I think the pandemic showed us that stability is relative.

It's not as stable as you think, but I think we always think.

I.

Won'T have that anymore.

That's bad.

This is, it's a limiting.

It's a limit that we put on ourselves.

I've got a friend, actually, who's got her and her husband or construction company.

And when I was endlessly talking about leaving my job and what will happen, and she said it was brilliant, what she said, she probably doesn't even remember.

She said it to me.

She said, the thing is, laura, when you work for somebody else, there's a limit, because you can only earn what you can earn, right?

You can get bonuses, whatever, but you can only earn that when you work for yourself.

There's no limit.

And I was like, oof, blown away.

You're right, there's no limit, because I can decide how much I want to earn, how, you know, who I want to work with.

I actually was talking to somebody last year, a corporate event, and I said to this guy, I only work with people I like.

And he said, sorry, what do you mean?

I said, I only work with people I like.

And he said, how do you do that?

And I was like, well, what do you mean?

I only work with people I like.

You couldn't get it.

I want to work with nice people, people I gel with, you know, like, I have an instant connection with you.

I want to work with people that I really like.

You just couldn't get it.

Yeah, well, so, gosh, so many things already in that.

But while I'm thinking of it, the last thing you said, there's even been, you know, I've read whole books where part of the book talks about that, where they, when the company, and to keep me, a company doesn't have to be a, you know, a mentor or somebody were a solopreneur, if you will.

But they found that when they started looking at their clients and how much money the clients they got from each client, they realized if they got rid of their one or two clients, that was kind of causing them the most work or the most trouble, if you will.

Even if it was their biggest client.

They actually made more money saying goodbye to a client that was not a good fit or because often certain size clients cause you to work the most for the least amount of money.

And so right about this, and more people are figuring this out that if it doesn't align, you know, the client and the, you know, the client and the person they're paying, it's not a good fit for either person.

Right.

And so I think it's really important that you say that is, I think especially when we're starting out, people can think, oh, but I just need, I just need the money.

And I'm not saying that's a wrong thought either, but be careful, because if it takes up all your time and you get burned out, then you won't be able to actually get those clients.

That will really work for both people.

You know, it'll be mutually beneficial.

So I think that's important.

You brought up the story about, well, two things.

One, that what you said about your friend saying, you know, you have more unlimited potential working for yourself.

And then the friend that said, I never really thought about the upside, well, same.

I was talking to a girlfriend.

She's a teacher, and she has shared with me some time ago a dream of what business she wants to open.

I mean, she has it very clearly in her head.

Like, I think even we talked about the name and all this stuff.

And I said, well, why won't you do it?

Her and her husband are both unhappy in their jobs.

And she said, because, same thing, I have stability.

And, oh, well, if I stay longer, I'll get my pension or whatever she gets.

And I'm thinking, but how much more might you make in your business?

And you would actually love it now instead of being miserable for ten more years or however long he has retirement, I don't know.

And yet, it was like, the idea was like, taboo.

Like, no way, I can't, I have to stay just because I'm going to get a little more money, which, honestly, that's not guaranteed anymore.

Right?

I mean, the schools, the federal government, whoever you work for could literally say, whoops, it's gone now.

So I don't think you can really rely on that.

You know, I think.

No, your point?

That's why people talk about diversifying, right?

Having multiple ways we can make money as we build something to begin with.

Right?

I mean, obviously we have to start somewhere, but I think it's testing our dreams, right?

Step into it at least a tiny way.

Yeah.

I think also we get fear of looking at the downside.

But we also get really bogged down with what, and again, inverted commas, what people will say or if it will fail or what will people think of me?

And, you know, I'm scared of that.

And we get so worried about the opinions of people that, you know, the people that you care about, the people you love who are in your world.

Of course you care about what they think.

But people, you know, I remember early on in my business saying to somebody, I'm worried about people.

And they're saying, which people?

Well, you know, people.

Where are the people?

And it's like, what all people in the whole world you worried about that we can get so bogged down with, you know, it's fear, it's this, it's money mindset.

It's imposter syndrome.

It's confidence.

I don't know how to do it.

All of these things.

There's so many reasons why we hold ourselves back.

And the reason I wrote the book is because I wanted to kind of put me in somebody's pocket.

You know, they buy the book and they go, actually, if I follow this process through, I could do that, too.

I could do that.

It isn't other people who set up their own business.

It's not other people who follow their dreams.

It's me.

It's me too.

Right?

Absolutely.

Well, yeah.

And I think that's really the trick, is if we can be a little more opened, you know, see, even if we don't see the vision or we don't have the full vision yet.

Like if.

If we're curious about something, right?

And I think that's key, right.

Is one of the things they've shown is people need to be curious.

If you're a curious thinker about anything, all things in life, eventually that leads us to new ideas or it leads us to, maybe I want to learn more about this thing, or maybe we have a hobby that we love doing, but we've never thought it could be anything to make money.

And not to say it has to be, but often there's a connection point there, right?

It's something that would fit with how we could make money.

But if we just get curious, we get things much like a hypothesis.

We don't have to have it all figured out.

Just like when you said, hi, I want to work for myself.

You didn't know.

And I'm guessing it took you some iterating to come to doing exactly.

Working with people exactly how you are now.

Absolutely.

Probably.

You know, it's pretty vague at the start, because I think when you first start in business, it obviously depends what sort of business.

You're probably service based rather than product based.

But I was like, oh, I want to appeal to everybody.

And obviously the wider you are, you appeal to nobody because you're really muddled and you don't have a clear message.

But again, that's having the confidence to say, okay, I'm going to hone in on this thing.

So I was pretty vague.

It took me some time.

When you are starting on that journey, it's okay to do that.

It's not like when you work for somebody and they're holding you to a standard and they're doing a review and saying an appraisal and saying, you got that wrong, you can work it out.

And there's nobody saying, oh, God, I can't believe you did that.

And if that person is saying that, well, they're no friend of yours, are they?

Your friends are there to support you.

So it's okay to try stuff, test it, see what works.

The one thing I always say is if you're going to work for yourself, make sure that you're doing something you really love.

So what you just said about hobbies or something like that, you know, that's what I talk about in the book.

What, what do you love to do?

What do you love to spend time doing?

Because when you work for yourself, you're going to do that same thing day in, day out.

So make sure it's something you really do enjoy and you could keep repeating.

That's right.

Well, yeah.

And just speaking from my own experience, I started this podcast, let's see, was it or what are we in may about two years ago, and then I started another one last year, but a more niche one.

But let me say this, I have iterated continuously.

The overall concept is the same.

I've gone more from the idea of what it is, building a life you love.

And how do we do that?

So much like stepping into the possibility, stepping into following your dreams.

That's always been the overall focus.

But then I've tested other things.

You know, when I went through one program, then they want, you know, they were like, oh, well, you have all this background in online marketing and SEO.

And so I played with more going in that direction and I sat on it for a while, but it, yes, I'm good at that.

But I realized my heart doesn't want to do that day in and day out.

And so I've had to iterate.

I've tested things, I've tried things.

It slowed down some of the progress, but I had to go through it in order to be certain that I didn't want to just be doing more business strategy that was more technical or more, you know, logistics.

I wanted to help people step into and understand how do we realize really the dream, right.

How do we actually build lives that aligns with the season we're in right now?

And so that's what makes my heart pitter patterh.

It's not, I mean, yes, I could help somebody with their business strategy a lot, but.

But that's not the main core thing I want to help them with as much.

So I've had to keep iterating as well, you know, and test them things.

And that's okay.

Now, sometimes it can be hard to do that because you want to know the answer, right?

I want to.

You want to know the answer, but it's only through trying things or coaching people or mentoring them and go, oh, I loved this over here.

And they really got it.

And this was okay, but maybe this isn't it.

And I, and that's okay, but that's.

Yeah, yeah.

You know.

Yeah.

And it really was, it's an overused phrase, but it was a journey for me to get to the bit I wanted to, and I really, I resisted talking about women going into business.

And probably a lot of that was imposter syndrome, where I thought, who am I to talk to women about going into business?

Who am I to do that?

And then I had a bit of a, like, come on, of course, you know, why?

You know, instead of saying, why couldn't it be me?

You know, like the same question, well, it couldn't be me.

It could be you.

Like, why couldn't it be you?

And actually, that is where I'm, I honestly believe that's what I, what I'm destined to do, to help women to realize their potential, to create that life they've dreamed of you, that life in that business.

And the reason the business has got to be in there, because I believe the only way to have true the four fs, which is what I focus my life, my work on, freedom, flow, fulfillment and fun.

You only get that when you work for yourself, even if you've got the best boss in the world, you only get it when you work for yourself, because then you get to choose who you work with when you work, how you work, what work you do on your terms.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And so what would you, what might you want to share with us?

I know your book.

You kind of have it set up into six steps.

But is there any of that that you maybe want to share just sort of highlights or jumping off points or tips with the audience about how do we start, you know, dreaming it and then moving towards that?

So I guess the bit that I'd like to talk to you about is the magic.

Right?

So you.

When you've got a dream.

So let's just say, you know, your.

Your friend was saying that, you know, she had this business idea.

She got it clearly kind of mapped out, and.

But, you know, she was staying.

Staying in the job because it was reliable and safe and ten years to retirement or whatever.

Whatever it is, what keeps us in the status quo is because we don't connect with why we want it.

So knowing what you want to but then knowing why you want it are two different things.

So, you know, I want, you know.

You know, yes, I want to be a coach and a mentor and a podcaster, an author.

Why?

What do I get from that?

And I call that the magic.

So connecting in with what you get from it, and it's not.

It's not.

Yeah, I can write a book, and I can say I'm an author.

That's not the magic.

That is not the magic.

The magic is somebody saying to me, oh, my God, I read your book, and you made me see that I have got the potential to do that, and I did this and this, and now I'm doing that.

Do you see what I mean?

That's the magic for me, that I can help somebody to take the.

And it won't be the same journey as me or the pathway, but I can take.

I can help them to realize their full potential, right.

To realize what they want to do.

And the magic, you know, some of the things that make what I do magical for me are that I.

I've got teenagers.

I think that teenagers need you a lot, actually.

We tend to think they don't because smaller children are needy in a kind of very functional way.

Teenagers need you in a really different way.

And I wanted to be around.

I'm talking to you from an office, my office at the bottom of the garden.

So I'm around a lot of the time.

So if we want to go out for a coffee or I want to pick my daughter up or I run into the gym or, you know, we go shopping or we just do something together with my son, then I get to.

I get to kind of enjoy them before they flown the nest.

My daughter's 18 next month.

You know, I'm not running out of time.

But she's her own person and I love that.

But I want to spend time with her and I want to spend time with my son.

My eldest son's at university already, so I.

That's the magic.

And I love to bake.

So I've always had this thing.

I want to be able to bake so that when the kids come in from school, I've baked something.

It's fresh, it's warm.

They can come down the office and see me.

My commute's tiny.

Like, literally take a cup of tea, walk down to my office.

All of those things are the things that make it magical for me.

Now, somebody might listen to that and think, God, I don't want to do that.

What's magical for me is that I, you know, whatever it is, but work out that joy.

Work out that, you know, it's like the best feeling.

The best feeling.

And if I share with you, when I launched my book in March, my daughter is very similar to me.

She's.

She's, well, she's kind and caring, as I would say I am.

But she gave me a card that said how proud she was of me.

And she said, you have shown me what a strong woman looks like.

And I thought, and that is the magic.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

You're showing her the way forward.

She can do whatever she wants to do.

And I don't mean, but I mean she can create her own future, in other words.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

And I love what you said because I'm very similar aligned, which you probably could have already guessed that, but I have three teenage and college age children as well, boys only, but they're all at home.

One did go away to university, but he's back home now because he struggled with some mental health stuff in his second year.

But it's like I even have done a podcast episode on my other podcast, I've written a post about it, but I said the most important thing I might do today is make peanut butter toast my son.

And it's not because he needs me to in the sense of he's not able, but he was going through a hard season of his mental health.

He wasn't going to make it for himself.

We'll just like to some level, right?

So that was when I realized, yes, he can, age appropriate wise, but that's an act of me showing love.

So, yes, it sometimes silly, but then I say, no, I have, and I want time like that.

I want to be able to.

Like you said, I baked muffins last night, you know, and I'm home, you know, I know when they're coming and going and I'm around and it's the same.

I've worked remote for a long time, even whether I've worked for myself or nothing.

But, yeah, I want to be flexible.

I want the availability.

I want all the things both are helping people get.

And so, yeah, of course, there's other.

There might be a bigger.

Why?

Like you said, because I really see people's potential.

I see that we show up as our best selves when we understand how we show up in purpose and as our full aligned selves.

But I also one day, do you want a house on the water so that my, my kids will come back?

I want to do a retreat place there, like, so I have this other bigger vision down the road, but I have to do the work to get there.

Right.

And so, yes, you know, yeah, once again, so I have, like, written on my board ahead of me, like, my big vision, you know, just a statement.

And then there's what I'm on now.

But I think that we can, you know, another example, I interviewed a woman who, or was I doing a coaching thing with her, but I think maybe it was a coaching call, but she worked for a lawyer, and she at some point said, oh, I need.

She need a little more flexibility in your schedule?

Well, they were basically, they kind of pooh poohed her and said, oh, no, this is the set.

This is set.

You know, so she ends up leaving.

She goes to a different company, and it's a little bit better.

And then the old company, she was so good, tried to get her back, and I said, well, do you want to go back?

And she said, well, I want more flexibility and something about money.

And I said, well, then ask.

They literally want you back.

They're recruiting you back.

You can ask for whatever you want.

They can say no.

And she was so stuck in the.

They're in control.

And I said, no, you now have to chip.

You now can ask for whatever you want.

You can say, I need a set, different schedule.

I need more flexibility.

I need more money.

All they can say is no.

I said, but how is that any different than you deciding not to take the job because you don't think they'll give it to you.

But it was, that sort of thing is we have to be willing, even if we're not, if we're worried or we're scared, like, just to be brave for a minute and try.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So many of us are scared to even ask that question.

Like you say, right, but like, what if.

And what if they say no?

And I'm always like, well, what if they do say no?

They couldn't say no, because that's their.

It's up to them, just like it's up to you if you want to ask the question.

And if they say no, then you make an informed decision based on the fact they said no, it's fine.

And I am not saying I haven't been there.

I have justified things like that in my own life in the past, you know, and didn't realize it at the time.

I thought I was rationalizing it for a good reason.

And then I realized later I was doing something similar to what she did in a different way.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, so just because we do something like that doesn't mean we can't go later.

Oh, and then do something different.

Right.

In other words, we can learn from maybe in the past we weren't aware of our behavior, beliefs, or our thoughts, and we can change those.

Yes.

Slowly.

What other tip might you want to share with us from your book that you think the listeners, the audience might like to hear?

So I think there's something that's quite important.

If you think about where we are now and how long we live and certainly in the UK, how long do you have to work for if you.

Retirement age for me at the moment is 67.

It's probably be 73 by the time I retiree.

I think we sometimes stay stuck in what we've always done because we've always done it and because we trained to do that, whether that was, you know, at school, at university, college, an apprenticeship, you know, whatever it is, we should keep doing that because we've done that and we're good at that, and we'll just keep doing that.

And I think it's okay to say, you know, a bit like we said about not enjoying something, you know, I've done that, I can do something different.

We live very long lives now, very long compared to previous generations.

And I think it would be pretty dull if we did the same thing from the minute we left college or university or whatever until we retired.

So it's okay to say, yeah, okay, I enjoyed that.

Now let's do something different.

So think outside the box.

Just explore.

What do you enjoy?

What lights you up?

What would get you out of bed in the morning?

Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, I literally have shifted some of my focus.

I was mentioning this earlier to telling people, you have to follow the joy, tap into your delight, you know, like those are just like the things that are hobbies.

What are, what are the things that you're drawn to?

Because they're not by mistake.

Right.

Like, what I like is slightly different than what you like and what my friend likes.

And what I try to tell people is if you follow that and you're open and you're curious, it's going to lead you to something else.

Because I kept having people over the last couple of years try to push me back into, like I said, online marketing and tech.

And it's not that I don't enjoy doing that to some extent, but I don't want that to be, to your point, my next 40 years.

Right.

My next 30.

And so I kept anytime things maybe weren't exactly where I wanted them to be, I would entertain if I needed to do that, because even my husband, who's very supportive, but he'd be like, well, what about, you know, this thing over here?

Because he knows that I've been really successful at that.

And I'm like, I know in my heart, I know in my soul that that's not where my future is taking me.

Yeah.

Right.

It was my past.

And I'm having to peel back those onions.

I'm having to unlearn what I don't have to step into the future being my core role.

Yeah.

You know, and I love what you said about that as well, because I kind of, I feel like up till so I got divorced when I was 38.

I feel like that was like part one of my life, and I've stepped into part two.

And part two is where I have more choice, more freedom, more autonomy, more.

More confidence, more.

I'm much surer about what I'm doing.

And there's so much freedom in that.

It's amazing just to decide, yeah, I'm going to do that and I'm going to love that, and I'm going to enjoy that, and it's going to be brilliant.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And, you know, the good news is there's a lot more women that are showing up in the world.

They're speaking up and they're sharing their stories and their voices, you know, on platforms like this.

Right.

Podcasting in books.

I mean, you know, there's definitely women that I follow, whether they're kind of like, at the same place I am in my business, you know, kind of a couple years into the newer business, or than the people that I'm following that are ahead of us, maybe.

And I love it.

I love them talking about sort of that they're showing up, they're figuring out the income.

Some of them are already at the level of knocking out of the park, you know, millions and millions of dollars.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, and so to your point is it's.

That's.

That's all what we need to do more of, right.

Is the more we share these stories, the more that people see, whoa, I can do that, too.

And then the daughters, see, or the sons.

I mean, I only have.

You change the world by the conversation.

Changing.

Absolutely.

And, you know, you.

You're not.

Sometimes I think we feel like, oh, we're too old.

I can't make a change now.

You're not too old.

You know, we get worried about our age, get worried about, like, how much time we've got left.

Sounds really morbid, but, you know, like.

And we get all bogged down with, it's not the right time.

Maybe I'll wait until I've lost some weight or weights.

I think quite a big thing.

And nothing about wait, but I'll wait till that, or I'll wait till that, or I'll wait till that.

And do you know what?

The right time to start thinking about what you want is the day that you decide to start thinking about it.

So you're not behind.

It's not too late.

You haven't missed the boat.

You haven't, you know, wasted years.

The right time to start is the day that you say, okay, now I'm going to get really self focused, and I'm going to think about me for a bit of, yeah, that's the start of it.

And it doesn't matter how old you are, what position you're in.

It doesn't matter.

Any of those things.

It just matters that you start.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

My mom's about to turn 80.

I mean, both my parents are still living.

They're both remarried.

But my mom is an artist.

She's a sculpturist, she's written books and things.

But she.

I mean, she is going after her best self.

You know, like, she does art every paintings and sculptures and applies to be in gallery shows.

But my point is she seems super young because she's doing what she loves and she's exploring continuously, like, oh, I want to try a different type of painting.

Well, here we go.

Right?

But it's because most of us, I get sometimes genetics or, you know, we end up with a diagnosis, but if we're actually following our joy, we're following the things that we just like.

Right.

We're just made that way.

It makes us.

We stay younger.

I mean, obviously some things, too, but honestly.

So it's actually going to let you live and probably do something you enjoy a lot longer if you step into it, you know, instead of just doing a job where you clock in and clock out.

Yeah.

And I definitely think that since I was a single mom, I'm definitely a calmer, happier person.

And then, you know, as I've.

My husband and I have been together a long time, but, you know, as we've lived together and, you know, we've brought our families together, and as I've been in my business, I'm just a nicer person to be around because I'm happier because I'm not so stressed.

That's right.

Like, I'm not, you know, I don't think I was a horrible person before, but I was less shouty now because I'm.

I don't have those kind of external pressures, which made me, like, come on, you know, impatient about stuff, particularly when my youngest were small, you know, he'd be trying to tell me something, mommy.

Mommy.

And I'm like, come on, I'm busy.

Let's face that now.

Yeah.

And I actually, you know, I definitely share about that often, which is, I have definitely come to realize that most of us are living at a pace that is not realistic.

And if you're faith based, I don't think it's the way we were designed to live.

I think this whole over scheduled, over busy, overbooked living, the reason we're so praised, frazzled, stressed out and sick, whatever you want to call it, is because we're fitting more into a day than supposed to, like, really be in a whole week.

Right.

And so, yeah, to your point, when we work for ourselves, especially women, and, you know, because sometimes I get it, maybe a woman still has that.

Like, I'm gonna take on the world.

And sometimes men, you know, definitely can have that.

But I think as you get to hit 35, 40, 45, 50 and beyond, you start realizing maybe your priorities are different.

Yes.

You would like to make money, you want to make a living, but I'd rather have a day that feels good to me.

And then I can do the things I want to do without feeling those feelings, like exhausted or overwhelmed or stressed out.

To your point, I'm a way more enjoyable person, too, and I was pretty okay then.

But my level of stress.

Tension is so much better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

And I've noticed.

I've been noticing about myself.

You know, I was a very sociable person before.

I'm still very sociable but I socialize in a different way.

So when I was employed by, you know, when I worked in corporate, I really.

I actually did a post about this today on my socials.

I really felt the need to kind of let my hair down at the weekend because, you know, I was pretty tired and I worked hard all week, and I don't feel that now.

And I was like, why is that?

And I realized it's because I don't have those, like, kind of big shifts in mood or anything because actually my life is.

I socialize with business friends.

I've got quite a relaxed life, so I don't need to kind of let my hair down because I'm really relaxed.

Anyway.

Yeah, I mean, I'm super stressed this week because I'm doing a big show in London and I'm honestly, it's just pushing me outside of my comfort zone.

But aside from that, it's very rare because actually just quite chilled and relaxed.

So I don't feel the need to kind of, I just enjoy what I'm doing without that, you know, the big highs and lows.

I'm just kind of fairly level.

Yeah, absolutely.

And.

Right.

There's going to be moments in times where we have some big event happening or we have a deadline, right.

For maybe finishing a book or.

And that's to be expected.

The point is, we don't want to live where it's a constant elevation of stress.

Right.

Like every second is a.

We want it to feel like you said feel like it.

We can maintain this.

Right.

This level of how we're living.

Okay.

So as we wrap it up, is any last, just bit of encouragement you want to share before we go?

Well, the title of my book is dream it and do it.

And I would say, I say this to all my clients, and I say it often in my post and on my podcast.

Believe in yourself.

Believe that if you dream it, you can do it because you honestly can.

So if there's something that, you know, perhaps it's been niggling away at you, you know, there's something that you dream of doing, perhaps you haven't shared it with anybody and you haven't shared it because you were worried what people would say.

So explore on your own.

Because I think sometimes if we share it too soon, people go, why do you want to do that?

And it, oh, all right.

Then we forget about it.

But, you know, start to explore that and start to ask yourself some questions, do some self coaching, you know, buy the book.

But think about, you know, allowing yourself to believe that if you dream it, you can do it, because you absolutely can.

But the first step is even allowing yourself to kind of open up your thoughts.

Absolutely.

So, Laura, how can people connect with you online and learn more about your book and your podcast and your course and all those good things?

So you can find me on Instagram, I'm hedream, transition mentor.

Or you can look at my website.

It's lauracruz.com Cruz, as in tom lauracruz.com dot.

Laurel, thank you so much for being with us today.

I think it was just a great, uplifting conversation.

I think there's lots of tidbits, and I think there's just so much that we can all see ourselves in the story that we were sharing.

And maybe that'll help with us all, you know, being a little more open to the possibilities, a little more open to just exploring and getting curious about our lives, where they're at and where we want them to go into the future.

So thank you for being with us.

Thank you.

I've loved it.

And I just wanted to wrap up this episode today with a little excerpt from Mary Marantz book, slow growth equals strong roots.

Here's what she says, and I thought it just so much spoke to what Laura and I talked about on the show today.

She says today, more than anything, I want you to remember this.

You have the right to remake your life from the inside out.

You have the right to say, enough achieving, enough performing, enough striving.

I choose rest.

You were not put here to chase the checklist of someone else's dreams, and neither was I.

We are not bound to their hustle or their busy or their grind or their priorities.

This is our chance to redefine what we think it is to win.

We are not called to spin our wheels without intention, hoping to gain some ground by the sheer perpetual notion of it all.

Hoping that if we just start moving, just show up, looking put together and important enough, then failure won't find us.

We are called to walk this dirt road home with wide open eyes on the path that is set before us.

We are called to focus and rest in deep work in doing that thing that we have been most gifted to do.

Remember this.

You don't have to hustle more, weigh less, earn more, sleep less, spend more, slow down less people, please more, or say no less in order for you or your story to matter.

You already do.

It already does.

And I say, go chase that.

Go.

Step into your dreams.

You don't have to achieve more.

You don't have to be anymore or be any different.

God has put on your heart something that he wants you to step into.

You've already been given the gifts and the interests.

So I'm saying go follow that, get curious, and go take one step in that direction.

And thanks again for listening in.

And if you enjoyed the show, we'd love it if you'd subscribe and leave us a review and rating on Apple Podcast or wherever you live.

Listen to podcasts and you can check out freebies and resources we have for you@kristinfitch.com.

and if you have ideas for the show or guests that you'd like to recommend, I'd love to hear from you.

So dm me on Instagram rstanfitch or you can email me from the website.

Thanks so much.

Until next time.

Have a great week.