Are you living your life intentionally—or simply running on autopilot?

In this episode of Adjusting Your Life, Dr. Steve and Kennedi explore how many of us become trapped in patterns of seeking approval, chasing achievement, and putting everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. They discuss how early life experiences can shape our beliefs about self-worth and why so many people measure their value by what they accomplish instead of who they are.

Through personal stories and practical insights, they examine how the constant pursuit of external validation can lead to stress, burnout, anxiety, and physical health challenges. More importantly, they offer a path toward breaking those patterns by developing greater self-awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to build self-worth from within.

If you’ve ever felt exhausted from trying to prove yourself or wondered why certain patterns keep repeating in your life, this conversation offers thoughtful perspectives to help you begin making lasting changes.

In This Episode

• What it really means to live on autopilot
• How childhood experiences influence adult behaviors and relationships
• Why external validation never creates lasting self-worth
• The connection between chronic stress, burnout, and emotional health
• How self-awareness helps interrupt unhealthy patterns
• Practical ways to begin building a healthier relationship with yourself

Key Takeaways

• Many people unconsciously operate from habits and beliefs formed early in life.
• Constantly seeking approval from others can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion.
• Healthy boundaries are essential for protecting your well-being.
• Lasting confidence comes from developing self-worth internally rather than relying on outside validation.
• Small, intentional changes in awareness can create meaningful personal growth over time.

Learn More

Dr. Steve: https://chiroman.com

Adjusting Your Life Podcast: https://adjustingyourlifepodcast.com

This program is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only.

The information provided in this podcast reflects the opinions and experiences of the hosts and is not medical or mental health advice.

Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding any questions about your health or well being.

If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, contact your local emergency services.

Welcome back to the Adjusting youg Life podcast.

This is season two, episode 116.

Wake up to your life.

This episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast is brought to you By Ward Chiropractic Dr. Steve finds what most doctors miss and his wall adjustment technique.

It can bring fast relief.

Check out chiroman.com for hours location and to contact the clinic.

That's Chiroman C-H-I-R-O-M-A-N.com I'm Kennedy and I'm.

Here with Dr. C. Are are you excited for season two?

I'm really excited.

Me too.

We're gonna change things up a little bit this season and just look forward to everything that we have planned.

I'm excited too, so let's just jump right in.

So we're gonna talk about living on autopilot.

So I think the first, first thing we should talk about is why, why people are moving through their life on autopilot.

We see, I see it every day.

In my clinic, people coming in and they are so self driven and they are overdoing and over pushing.

They are not getting their self care and they are chasing something that they feel they need.

And so to me living on autopilot so often gets into earlier negation that takes place in a person's life and.

So often we want something from someone.

And we don't get it.

And then we go through our whole life wanting something from that person and repeatedly in our life we're not getting it.

And so then we tend to get in a behavior program that says the.

More that we do, the more valuable we are.

But the truth of the matter is is the more we do, the more tired we are.

And if we do that over an extended period of time, we set up systemic exhaustion, we set up autoimmune, we set up major problems that could be avoided if we just go to the root of that wound and realize that we wanted something from someone that never received it, never mastered it and could not give it.

Well, we can talk about me and because I think when we met I definitely was on autopilot.

I probably been on autopilot since I, I mean can remember probably starting in my early 20s and I think I would say I was on autopilot until I had to.

Well, until I had my daughter.

So then, then I was faced with like, okay, so I can't sustain what I was doing because now I have, you know, a baby to, to take care of.

And so up until the point that I had a baby, I probably was working 16 plus hours a day.

So for me, and knowing me, what would you say was my, was, was, was causing that?

What was the origin of, of me having to be so self driven at that point in my life?

Well, in your pattern, you in the standing spine, we're right in curvature.

That's need for approval from your mother.

And of course, it's a generational story.

You have a need for approval, but your mother had a need for approval.

You also were representing a backward curve which is needing your father to step up to your mother's unhealthy energy and put a boundary in place.

And so often in life we get.

Injured in this early infancy of our life.

And our belief is that the people in our life should know the difference.

And they should know how to provide.

Us with what we need.

And that's the greatest misdirection of life.

To think that someone who's wounded and injured and never worked on healing those wounds are going to be able to give us what we need is such.

A fantasy and such a misdirection.

So would you say during this time, maybe I was, I was playing out like an addiction to work?

I think, because there was something I was getting from it.

What would you say, like I was, I was getting from working so many hours?

Well, your right curve indicated you had an addiction to rightness or an addiction to perfectionism.

And so often in life, what we're doing is we have this belief in our mind that we need to attain something to be adequate.

And when we have that perspective, it's like saying, oh, when I make a lot of money, I'm going to be happy, or when I have that new.

Car or that dream home, I'm going to be happy in my life.

And the truth of the matter is, if you're not happy without it, you're.

Not going to be happy with it.

Right?

Well, I can talk about that too.

You know, I had, obviously because of where I came from.

And you know, we, there was a lot of us kids and you know, there was an awareness on my part where, you know, the, the finances, you know, were tight, I would say, for us, you know, growing up.

And so then I had, you have that component, right, that you're also being exposed to within also the dysfunction, you know, between, you know, what was happening with, you know, my parents and then us children.

And so I was aware of that and definitely probably had the thoughts that, you know, I didn't want to have to go through those experiences as I got older.

And so a way to mitigate that was to earn a living and to earn money and stuff like that.

So in my 20s, though, I had, you know, what I would consider a gift, which was to make a substantial amount in a short amount of time and to realize that, you know, nothing had changed in that month, that this had happened and that I wasn't a different person.

You know, I. I didn't think like, oh, I'm gonna go buy something or, like, go on a trip or, or anything.

And I, I really, at the time, I think only my older sister knew what I'd earned in that month, which was more than my dad had probably earned in a year in a.

In, you know, this was years ago.

And it was such a gift to have that happened to me at a young age, in my 20s, that I knew at that moment that that did.

Wasn't going to change.

It wasn't going to bring happiness.

Right?

And that was so pivotal in my life because I was able to realize that I could put the work in and, you know, the income would come behind it, and I had that awareness of that component of it.

But I, at that point, I didn't have the awareness of where my achievements would.

Wouldn't actually make up for how I felt about myself.

So I got the awareness of, like, the financial part, which is so important.

But then I still was working towards being enough, you know, trying to be enough for the people I worked for, and that would take another 15 years.

So I spent 15 years after realizing that money does not bring happiness, but then, you know, in terms of who I was and how I felt, I spent, you know, the next 15 years of my life searching for the adequacy part, I guess.

So if.

If I can, for me, I think that there's a way to, with this podcast, to be able to help people understand, you know, from obviously, the financial component and then also, like, thinking that there's something that you can possibly do to be enough for someone else.

Like those two things you can spend your whole life searching for, chasing, you know, and 40 years goes by a lot very quickly.

And.

And then to be in your 40s and then to one potentially feel inadequate and then also think like, well, if I just made this Amount of money that won't somehow make up for the adequacy.

If we can somehow, you know, coach or help people understand that, you know, at the end of the day, I think with the work that we've been doing for me and you, realizing that I needed to love myself and have that as a baseline is the most important.

So maybe we can expand on that in terms of self love component, which we've talked about, but I think it's important that we talk about it again.

Yes, I will repeat it many, many times so that people understand the importance of repeating it many, many times.

If we are coming from inner love,.

Place within self, and we're recognizing our intentional energy, and we realize that when.

We give our best intention to whatever we're doing in our life, we need to learn to circle back, validate that, so that we can look at our life and look at our healthy intentions.

And look at what we've given and.

We can build on the greatness within us instead of coming from deficit, when we come from deficit.

And I can speak about this.

I have a corporate coach I've worked with extensively, and he sent me many, many really wealthy people, billionaires, multimillionaires.

And the same is true across the board.

You ask them, when have you made enough money?

And the answer is never.

And so it's clear that making money is a program belief that leads us.

To believe that we're going to be happier.

However, if we're not happy without it,.

When we make it, we won't be happy.

And if we're not growing into celebrating.

Our growth in our different stages of.

Our life, then what we end up doing is we.

40 Years go by, we're in the same program.

And the program again originates with that basic misdirected belief that comes in to all of us from many sources.

And that source is, if you do.

It, do it right.

And that belief says, when I do it right, the people around me are going to validate me and validate how great I am.

Wow.

The greatest misdirection in life is expected wounded people to validate someone and be there to be their life preserver and to support them and encourage them and.

And give them the tools that they really need to have true success.

Right?

Because true success is not making money.

Making money is a beautiful thing.

We can arrive at our problems in a Range Rover or Mercedes, right?

I could go home to a big house, right?

But I still might feel empty if I need.

If my core need is for the wounded person who negated me to one day validate me and celebrate me.

If that's the only way I'm going to be enough, then we're giving our power away in our life and we need to reclaim our power.

We need to build on our greatness.

We need to realize that going on autopilot is a misdirection with women.

We see women all the time doing it.

They're so mentally strong, their mental mind dictates their physical body, and everything's fine and dandy for a while because you can get away with it for a while.

You can't get away with it forever.

If you're going to overuse energy, you're going to have different issues of illness.

And so to me, when I. I know when I was early as a.

Chiropractor, it was like, how many patient.

Visits, how much money am I making?

And that was my tool to see my worth.

And the challenge with that was it was coming from this root inadequacy.

That said, the only way I'd be.

Enough is if I attain this.

But I attained it and still didn't feel enough.

That's what you were mentioning in your story, that you attain great wealth, but.

You still didn't feel like it was going to the root of why you have this drivenness inside of you to attain.

Well, if you didn't have a lot when you were little, you made a mindset in your mind.

Your program was, I'm not going to struggle financially.

So guess what?

You've never done.

You never struggled financially.

So you went for the dichotomy in that dynamic.

But like you, like so many people who attain great wealth, they still still feel as if whatever they have, it's not enough.

And we can reframe that and we can change that, and we can find within us a different view of that story.

We can be the first person in.

Our family to do it differently.

We are not here to be asleep in someone else's program.

We're here to take a program that we receive from someone and look at it consciously and then make a choice and to make an edit not to stay in the same program.

Staying in the same program of someone before you is a program of being completely asleep in your reality.

How can someone.

How does someone know that they're on autopilot if they're listening?

Well, you know, take a look at your energy.

Do you have an abundance of energy or is your energy low?

Are you doing things from exhaustion because you need outside approval from wounded people that never received approval?

You know, recognizing Getting in touch with our body physically.

Am I having physical pain?

Am I having exhaustion?

Am I pushing myself so hard that I just.

Once I accomplish my goal, I fall apart or.

I had a case Saturday and the gal was saying how she took on.

This massive project and how great it was and how she handled the whole problem for the company.

And then she said, and once it was done, I just fell apart.

I was exhausted and I was sick and I was in chronic pain.

So what is that saying?

It's saying that she has denial and autopilot has so much to do with.

Not receiving the love we need and having a fantasy of the people we.

Wanted to receive neutral love from.

We have the fantasy that they are going to give that to us.

Great misdirection in life.

It's not their job to give it to you.

It's your job to realize how amazing you are.

It's your job to realize how valuable you are.

It's.

It's your job to recognize the importance of validating consistently and celebrating consistently.

And I know we mentioned it in a prior episode that we need to look at that validation, misdirection.

Do we really need someone's approval?

And if we do, are we giving our power away?

And so our whole spirit is impacted by.

By whether or not someone outside of us gives it or doesn't give it.

And if they don't give it that it is defining in us that we are inadequate and we're not enough because.

The person that never received it couldn't give it.

So this issue of Autopilot is a.

Significant issue and it's one that we all can learn to be efficient.

We can learn to save energy.

We can learn the importance of beginning.

Your day with love and ended your day with love.

We can look at fear projection.

Anytime someone's criticizing or setting unreasonable expectations, we can meet that with self love.

We'll be right back.

Welcome back.

So let's just dive right back into the illusion of awareness.

So what is a situation where someone would know that they're having.

Having.

Having this illusion thinking that they are aware?

I think that's a big challenge that we all face.

We have been programmed not by just our parents, but we are in a maze of multi generational programming.

So so often people think they're awake and aware.

When I ask the question, tell me about the behaviors you have in you today that no one in your family has in them that really gives you insights as to your level of awareness.

And as you know, the key to emotional intelligence, the number one Biggest factor in emotional intelligence is awareness.

How aware are you?

Are you bonding with behavior that's been.

In your family history for generations?

Are you seeing your life through those eyes?

Or are you taking a behavior you inherited and choosing to change it?

Because if you're not changing from your inherited behaviors to new, healthy behaviors, then the illusion of awareness is you're not aware at all.

Right?

So there's a lot that we can unpack in this, because I.

What's coming to my mind is there's so much information in this space of, like, awareness and, you know, so many, you know, people out there that talk about it, that have full podcasts on it, and I think that there's some delusion in.

In.

It's like you're listening and you think you're aware, but no one's asking the question that you just asked, which is, you know, whose eyes are you seeing your life through?

And they're skipping that component of it and going to this other component where I think people do think like I'm awake.

So let's talk about the steps that people can take in that interim step that is not being discussed out there right now.

No one's asking, posing that before they're moving into the, you know, enlightened.

Thinking that someone's enlightened or can.

Can view their life, you know, from like a third party maybe, and seeing what they can do to make changes and stuff like that.

It's that interim component, I think, that we need to expand on in terms of what are questions that someone can ask themselves to identify where they're at in.

In the range of.

Of seeing their life through someone else and, and then being able to address that, then moving forward with, you know, all of the other steps that are being suggested that someone take to be awake in their life.

I think the best thing to do is take a piece of paper, write down the behaviors that you have going on in your life.

Are you a perfectionist?

Why are you a perfectionist?

Where did it originate?

Who did you learn to be a perfectionist from?

Why would a person be a perfectionist to begin with?

That means that they want to be.

Revealed as adequate, not inadequate, right?

So take inadequacy.

Take when it passes, multi generationally, you.

Don't have the person you learn from.

Say they feel inadequate.

But if we were to begin there in this lesson, in this simple one lesson, and we began with that awareness.

That how I was programmed, if you do it, do it right, set me up to seek approval from people outside of me, which Means you're asleep, not aware.

Because if you're aware, you would be.

Like, okay, I'm going to give my best intention.

Every time I give my best intention,.

I'm going to self celebrate.

I'm going to validate.

Most people are reaching for greatness instead of realizing how great they already are.

Absolutely.

Well, that's how it's all, that's what's out.

That's the program that's being, being pushed on people out there.

Right?

You go to the gym, you, you talk to the biggest bodybuilder, you ask.

Them, at what point have you lifted enough weight?

Always the same answer.

The answer is never will we realize.

That basic root issue and how it messes people up their whole life.

And how someone who's 30.

Is wanting to lift more than when they were 20.

And when they're 40, they want to lift more than when they're 30.

When they're 50, they want to lift more than when they were 40.

And so when's it enough?

When's it enough?

Well, if we're negated repeatedly, then what we will do in our life is we will negate even when we obtain great things.

And so waking up, it's taking that.

Paper, looking at our behaviors, looking to edit them from what I received from someone and then make a new program.

So, for instance, maybe someone was critical.

Of you, and now you are really critical of you.

But would you be critical of you if someone was never critical of you,.

Would you know how to be critical of you?

No.

No.

And so this is how generational programming.

Works, how inadequacy works.

Oh, someone who feels inadequate doesn't say, hey, I feel inadequate.

They say, hey, if you do it, do it right.

That makes you believe that when you do it right, they're going to tell you you're great.

Why don't they tell you you were great?

Because no one told them they were great.

So anger, you know.

Oh, I internalize.

Well, who taught you to internalize?

When were you hurt crying?

And someone came along and if you don't stop crying, I'm going to give you a reason to cry.

Right.

So we set up programs and those programs are learned and they're generationally passed, but then we learn them from someone.

And then we lose our identity and.

Then we transfer that same program to someone else.

So how many generations are people not going to be clear communicators?

So many.

So many generations.

And so this is a simple way to look at our life, because our life is really about finding our value separate from someone outside of us.

It's about learning to love self without.

Someone outside of us doing that work.

So if someone's critical of me, I'm going to thank them.

Thank you for being critical of me.

They're like confused.

Why would you thank me?

Oh, you're giving me opportunity to master loving myself when someone's critical.

And that is a wonderful gift that.

You are giving me.

So I appreciate you for that.

Right.

Because the journey is to take a.

Fear projection and change it back to a love process.

Right.

So whatever that is, inadequacy, limitations, dependencies, criticisms, rejection.

How many people have one bad relationship.

After another, but they came from a generational womb where people maybe were together.

But they didn't know how to love.

Each other, they didn't know how to be kind to each other.

How many people in relationships, one person's hitting the dysfunction with empathy and the other person has no empathy for them.

Right.

So this is a big issue.

Waking up in life, becoming more aware in life.

And what I can say is after studying years and years of X ray.

Analysis of the full spine, standing seated, front inside view, full spine X rays,.

I find so often people are not.

Showing up in their spine, they're seeing their life through someone else's eyes.

And that is the greatest misdirection of all.

How can you ever grow into the greatness of your life if all you're going to do is see your life through a bonded behavioral experience?

So with that, it's because of, I think more, more than ever in the time that we are now, I think people want to be awake.

They, I think they have a desire to be awake.

And so what are their steps apart?

So we talked about them writing down different traits that they have.

What are there steps that they could take potentially with the interactions with their parents in terms of that interaction where they might be able to heal some of those patterns that they have versus like maybe feeling resentment towards their parents.

Yes, we should understand that most parents come from generational wound and they're just wounded little kids operating as a parent.

The programs that they come from were not their programs.

They bonded with someone's program that they learned and then they transferred that program.

And so moving forward, being conscious of, you don't look at a parent and automatically assume the parent has done the healing work that they've done, say therapy that they've done, coaching, you know, most.

People haven't done those things.

And then we have this expectation of them that they should know the difference.

And then it sets up all this anger we have towards our parent, instead.

Of realizing, oh, you're just wounded and you transferred your wound and I had a fantasy of you that you had healed those wounds.

And you know how to heal me, right?

So so often it wasn't my mom.

That healed me, it was me that helped heal my mom.

Right.

My mom didn't really know how to.

Heal me, but I helped my mom learn how to heal herself.

Right.

So was the child teaching the parent?

Because I have the higher emotional intelligence and she has more experience but not more intelligence emotionally.

And that's why I'm such a proponent on working on strengthening our emotional quotient.

Being more self aware, like I go into a room, I can tell you.

Who is the challenge, who's not, who's kind, who's critical.

I'm aware now when they're critical, then.

I have a choice.

How much energy do I want to give out?

If I say something, will anything be done?

Are they open to receive?

If they're not open to receive, what am I doing?

I'm wasting energy.

Right?

And when we waste energy repeatedly and.

We keep doing the same thing over.

And over, that's like insane, right?

We're going to do the same thing over and over.

We're going to expect a different result.

And what we want to coach people to do is realize that this is your life to live.

You have one life to live and you can live your life in greatness or you can live your life from deficit.

You can.

When we live our life from deficit, you're in generational inadequacy that will rob.

You every time you do something amazing in your life.

And just think about it for a moment.

If every time you did something amazing.

In your life, people were programmed to.

Take a moment and celebrate, oh, wow, that's amazing what you've done.

Let's celebrate that.

Let's take a moment because this is incredible.

How would we be?

How different will we be?

Will we be at a gym feeling, letting our inadequacy manipulate us, or will we be at a gym because we love ourselves so much and we just want to be kind to our body and we want to bring healthy energy into our body and we want to be strong, but we don't need to be Hercules.

Right, right, right.

Just I'm.

I talked to a guy the other day and he's lifting like £500 and we had this discussion and he said, wow, you're really strong, Dr. Steve.

You go to the gym.

I said, no, I haven't been in the gym in my life.

I said, but I do work out with a 10 pound weight, right?

And he's like, are you kidding me?

Only ten bow.

Only ten pounds.

Why?

Because my need is not to be in a pattern where I'm negating every.

Great thing I do.

And my strength is really strong.

And it's strong because my mind is strong, because I understand my value, because I build on my greatness.

And I am blessed to have such an opportunity to consistently work with people, to help them reframe this basic misdirection in their life.

And that's so healing for me as well as them.

And so what a blessing this podcast is to be able to bring up.

These issues, to give people awareness.

Because our whole journey here is to give people awareness.

And with a little bit of awareness,.

How does our life change?

If every time you do something amazing,.

You take a moment, celebrate and recognize that intentional energy, and build on that,.

Then you get through 10 years in your life.

You look back in the last 10.

Years, you're like, wow, there are so many things that I've been able to accomplish and celebrate that.

I feel fulfilled in my life.

Right.

Which is so different than the feeling I had prior to meeting you.

You know, it's just.

And it, it doesn't change overnight.

It took time, I think, in building myself up and loving myself and then being consistent, you know, over the course of a few years, just so I was those times where if I had to think, like, why am I doing this?

Or why am I telling someone this?

And is it because I want their validation or approval?

And.

And that's just in the context of like a conversation or maybe sharing something about work that, you know, it was a particular loan I closed or something.

Right?

And then, then you like social media, which is.

There's a lot around social media.

It's just even asking myself the question, like, well, why would I post this?

Like, what's behind it?

Right?

And if the answer is because I on attention, you know, obviously, then, you know, so I actually, I stopped posting for, I mean, a few years since, you know, my daughter's in sixth grade.

So just because I realized at the time, like, I had to ask myself, like, what was the reason?

And so actually taking that break and not posting anything at all actually helped me a lot and also privatized some of the things I was doing where I could actually enjoy the moments with my.

With my daughter or my family where it wasn't.

Because I think even as a parent, when you're trying to get that photo or that post and then you're posting and then I think it puts pressure on your children.

And then what ends up happening is you kind of loop them into the, like, illusion, right, that, you know, if they're feeling like you have, you know, you're going and having a girl's day or something and they're thinking, I mean, you're spending the whole time taking photos to post.

You know, you're definitely passing on that program to them.

And.

And I also think it takes you out of the present, like, being present moment.

I've been on trips where I had.

A camera and I took so many camera pictures and, and I lost sight of the beauty of the moment.

I lost sight of how amazing it was in nature.

And so as we get away from being addicted to outside approval and be addicted to likes.

Oh, I have 10,000 likes.

Okay, well, great.

I have 10 million likes.

I have a hundred million likes.

Great, great, great.

What we need to do is be.

Enough without the likes.

Right?

Right, absolutely.

So that if we're enough without them, then we're enough with them.

And it's not our value system and it's not our addiction, but it all goes back to the wound in people wanting wounded people to validate what they're about.

And then that gives them evidence to support their adequate.

And when we help people to see that, it's going to save a lot of energy.

They're going to be able to operate way more efficiently.

They're going to find more joy, long lasting joy in life and they're going.

To move through their different, you know, times in their life and be able to really celebrate all of it.

And so then they become a master of being able to share with people this.

This new way.

Right?

And, and then what people do is they make shifts and they realize, oh, that was a misdirection inside me.

I was feeling inadequate.

So I needed this, needed this evidence.

And no, we need to realize that we have been asleep.

Our journey is to wake up.

Our journey is to become aware.

And our journey is to reprogram from a generational behavioral pattern into new programs.

That allow us to enjoy our life at the fullest.

I love that.

I love the reprogram, the word reprogram, because that's something someone can start doing right away.

Right away.

We'll be right back.

This episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast is brought to you by Ward, chiropractic.

For over 30 years, Dr. Steve Ward has been helping people get to the root cause of their pain.

He's a second generation chiropractor who looks at the whole spine, not just the sore spot.

With standing in seated full spine X rays, Dr. Steve finds what most doctors miss.

And his wall adjustment technique, it can bring fast relief.

Back pain, sports injuries.

Check out chiroman.com for hours location and to contact the clinic or stop by Ward Chiropractic Family center today.

Mention this ad and you'll get a free recheck two hours after your first adjustment.

That's Chiroman.

C-H-I-R-O-M-A-N.com for more info.

Welcome back.

We're going to talk about what the moment people wake up actually looks like.

So, Dr. Steve, when someone is on their journey to being aware and they have that moment of realizing that they're starting to see their life through their own eyes, not through inherited generational patterns, is there something that someone would know in terms of recognizing that that was actually happening?

In my clinic, I'm working with so many new people and they're coming in with physical pain.

They have no clue as to that physical pain having an underlying story to it.

And so they come on in and I'm going through the process.

I'm checking shoulder drop, I'm checking short leg.

I'm palpating their body to feel where they're holding their stress load.

I'm listening to what they're complaining of because so often I'll touch the body and I'll feel all this stress load.

And then they might have several ribs out on the right side and then I'll ask them, well, what is your complaint?

And they'll say, oh, I hurt in my left side.

And on the left side it's just one rib that's out.

So it's pretty interesting.

And so I go through a process with people.

I'm also assessing them to see their level of denial, how, how much denial is in that pattern.

Are they open to receive?

Are they able to hear?

So when I find people that are there and they want to receive information, they're open to make edits and changes.

They're not even aware that I do this work.

They are asleep and they may not know it.

And so I have a very short amount of time to begin the process of reframing some of these unhealthy behaviors that are resulting in a physical pain pattern.

And it may only be five minutes.

Yesterday I had eight or nine new patients and one person referred three men to me and she told the men to let me know that they wanted to record their session.

But she didn't tell them why.

Right.

Because what she was interested in is getting them there to hear what I had to say.

But she didn't want to scare them off before they came.

And so for me, I can see it in their eyes when someone, you know understands something differently.

They were given an awareness.

And the beauty of it is, I don't know them.

I've known them five minutes, and then here I am going into what the underlying wound is to their physical pain pattern.

And they are blown away.

They're, like, shocked.

Who is this guy?

So I see people evolving very quickly with awareness.

And it's an amazing thing.

What I ended up hearing yesterday from this guy, he said, I didn't understand why you said I needed a weight.

I thought I was just here for an adjustment because I thought he was.

Aware of what I was going to do.

So I had treated like 25 people after he walked through the door.

And so he sat in the waiting room watching me treat people, and he's.

Thinking, why is he not treating me?

Because he wasn't giving that information.

But it's interesting because when you give.

People awareness and you give them awareness as to why they're in pain, it blows them away.

And so in this example,.

This young.

Man was very female dominant.

So he was influenced by dominant mother.

In his early life, his father was absent.

He has repeatedly seeked women who have father abandonment or fathers that didn't know how to love them or they perceived it was a gender issue.

I'm not loved because I'm not a male.

Right.

And then he jumps into it because what they're attracted to with him was awareness, was.

I'm sorry, was his empathy.

Right, right.

What the people, what the ladies he attracts to his life have is very little empathy.

So it's very interesting.

So that male, it's trying to be enough for a woman that wasn't enough for her father.

And no matter how hard he tries, it's not enough for what the father didn't give.

So, so as I worked through this.

Issue with him and I explained it to him and explained the process, explained what he does when dysfunction comes his way and how he's programmed to hit it with empathy and how when he needs empathy, it's not reciprocal, it just really transformed his life.

So this one lady refers three men, and every one of the men broke.

Down crying in their session when I did the reading.

And every one of them came to.

Clarity immediately that what they were asleep in was their need to save their Mom.

Because their empathy increased when they felt like they had to save their parent.

And then they lowered dominance, but then.

They attracted what their parent was, which was a dominant.

And so once you give them that.

Awareness, wow, they just begin to see it all differently.

And so this man was so dropped.

In his right shoulder.

It was like, right shoulder was here, left shoulder is here.

And as I'm talking to him, his shoulders balance without treatment.

It's also interesting when looking at the.

Functional short leg deficiency.

You talk to people about what the behavior is without even treating them.

You see, oh wow, you're in this inch and a half, two inch short leg, and then all of a sudden I say a few things to them.

All of a sudden the leg balances without me even treating.

So those are my signs to see, you know, oh, wow.

You have actually high emotional quotient.

So when given awareness, you can make.

This transfer transformation in your energy.

But it's just so wonderful.

People will tell you on the first day that they love you.

They will say this was the greatest, you know, treatment they've ever had.

I had someone write a review recently and in the review he ends it by saying, thank you for giving me the best day of my life.

Wow.

And it was a 10 minute treatment where I just gave him awareness that.

He wasn't inadequate, that it wasn't that.

He didn't have value or that he was not enough.

He just was navigating in wound.

And his fantasy was that a wounded person, as he's wounded, would repair the wounds inside.

And that's the greatest misdirection in life.

We must all look at our wounding and we must do the work inside of us.

It's not about someone repairing it, it's.

About our willingness to repair.

So would you say that the waking up, someone waking up is a, like an evolution that happens over a period of time in terms of.

So, so this patient who has awareness, is the waking up part going to continue as he starts changing in his behavior, doing things differently than he's ever done before?

Absolutely.

When we get a little taste, we want a bigger taste.

Yeah, yeah.

And so when we begin to, you know, see something differently and from a completely different angle, and people can hear.

It from me because one, I'm super.

Kind and I'm super loving, I'm super generous and I'm a doctor that's committed.

To giving every single person.

My greatest ability and my greatest ability has been in discernment and in healing.

And so, yes, the process will continue.

Throughout our life as we look at emotional quotient and it's something that can be tested.

So you can do a multiple choice.

Test to assess your level, your emotional quotient.

You can see how aware you are.

You can see if you regulate or don't regulate.

You can see how motivated you are.

To make little changes or big changes in your life.

You can see if you're strong with interpersonal skills, how we get along with others.

You can see your level of empathy.

So all these things are remarkable and different from iq that's challenging to change.

EQ can transform over the decades of your life.

So you can start out at low.

EQ and you can begin working on a dysfunction.

And the minute you work on it.

And you change it, then your EQ raises.

Right.

And it's also interesting because part of EQ is empathy.

So like when I was assessed on.

Empathy, they assessed me to be 99% empath.

So the one bit of coaching I received is you should never raise empathy.

Which, you know, pretty cool.

And because what was my program?

Hit all dysfunction with empathy.

Right.

And what is my new program?

I never hit dysfunction with empathy.

So let's talk about when, when.

What would happen when you did hit it with empathy?

What was the result of that?

Well, it was a chronic, chronic problem.

I was going through a real challenge.

I was attracted to a lady that's very beautiful, but she had an alcoholic father.

And she, when I met her, she wasn't drinking.

But when she began drinking, it set up a major problem.

And when she would drink, she would become verbal.

When she would become verbal, she couldn't lock down her tongue.

Her words were not regulated.

She would go into authority.

She would say the most hateful things imaginable, which let me tell you that.

A lot of people on this planet.

Are dealing with that today, but because.

Of me jumping in to save my.

Mom, when my dad left my mom, when my brother died of cancer, when my sister moved out with her, her boyfriend's family.

And then I saw my mom, who.

Was always in her dominance, all of a sudden sitting in the chair every day.

What did it do?

I lowered my natural dominance and I raised empathy.

And from that point forward, I would track the most wounded women and then all their dysfunction.

I would be like, what can I do?

How can I save you?

How can I fix this?

How can I carry this load?

And the bottom line is, is that's.

A great misdirection in life.

The wound inside of a person is before they're attracted to you, not because of the attraction to you.

The wound inside me was.

I was wounded with my mom needing to save her.

And then the secondary was attracting women that no matter how hard I tried to save them, I was not successful.

And what did it do to my body?

When I came out of that relationship,.

I ended up breaking my back and I was in so much severe pain.

So I had a new X ray.

Study and off my 12th thoracic vertebra, low in my thoracic spine.

I have this spur the sides of my finger and it was only on the right side.

And it was saying I was trying to save a female repeatedly and I was, I was giving more value to her than myself.

So ultimately, what did it come down to?

I had to make choice.

Am I going to live or die?

Because I was going to die under that unhealthy load.

Right.

Well, that's not me today.

If someone comes from their wound and they're misdirecting their wound that occurred before.

Me, that is not my problem.

And I am not jumping out to rescue.

And I am going to boundary it.

I'm going to be clear with it.

I'm going to let them know that what they're doing, their lack of regulation.

Surrounding their tone, their authoritative, their authority and their verbal is unacceptable.

I am not going to play in that game.

I love myself enough to know that that's a game I cannot win.

Right.

And so that's when I really learned.

The boundary and I learned that it is about wound passing generationally and that I'm trying to make up for something that was pretty impossible to do.

So it's not, it's.

That's why, why we, we look at these shows on tv, all these shows, and people come together in relationships and,.

And why are they working?

Why are they not?

And then we.

I look at those people and I.

Could tell you their wound, and I could tell you the other person's wound and I could tell you what they're gonna do.

And the biggest problem in life is they're.

They're both asleep in wound.

Then they're attracting someone to that nightmare.

And they're expecting their person, they attract to solve it.

And.

And so it's like, oh, I got.

I'm gonna fix this person.

So what I'm saying is I don't believe you can fix your issue.

Right.

Well, that's one thing they're saying.

Right.

But it's interesting when, when, like these shows, which we're gonna explore.

Yeah.

The fact that people think they're ready to attract a relationship, like, oh, I'm ready.

I want to be in a relationship.

I want to be married and have children and, and it, and, and from a behavioral standpoint, that is the farthest thing that they're ready for.

So that, that is the illusion, that.

Is delusion, that is, you know, such a fantasy.

And in, when you really study those dynamics in people, you realize it's such a misdirection.

And so it's like, hey, I haven't.

I need to work on me to.

Become healthier in me.

I need to learn how to love me.

I need to learn how to be.

Kind to me and generous with me, how to support me and how to encourage myself.

And what I, I will say about.

This is, you know, if we do.

Some simple work on ourself to refrain.

Out of the generational wound, we can.

See such a great change within ourself.

And when we're healthy, within self, we're going to boundary off unhealthy things.

When we're unhealthy in ourself and we're duplicating pattern, we're just doing what has happened before us and why.

You know, when we see relationships that, you know, are together so often, there's heavy denial, right?

You can find that there's not clear communication.

And we find some people are verbally.

Abusing, some people are emotionally reacting.

And all that trauma is multi generational.

So it gives.

It excites me so much to be doing something to actually empower people to get into a place of value for.

Self, love for self, acceptance of self,.

Encouragement of self, approval of self, helping them to build on their greatness based on their intentional energy and to help people to become healthy within themselves.

And then when they attract from that.

Point of view, they will boundary off the unhealthy.

So if you, if you boundary off a dominant female, then what you're doing is you go to the root of their pattern, because the root of their pattern is I felt abandoned and not.

Loved by my father.

So when you put in a boundary, you're saying, no, I'm not playing in that game anymore.

So it's very exciting.

Well, that was really amazing.

This is so great to, to be back.

Thank you for joining us on today's episode of the Adjusting youg Life podcast.

For more information and to view our show notes, please Visit us at adjustingyourlifepodcast.com and we will see you next time.

This is a broadcast of the Adjusting your Life podcast produced by Adjusted Life Media.

All information contained in this episode and all other content provided on this channel is for informational and entertainment purposes only.

This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a medical emergency, please contact your local emergency services.

Dr. Stephen M. Ward, D.C. is a board certified doctor of chiropractic medicine licensed in the State of California, county of Los Angeles.

The Adjusting youg Life podcast is written and produced by Executive Producer Jamie Knapp and co produced by Kennedy hall and Dr. Stephen Ward as Dr. Steve.

For more information or to connect with us, visit adjustingyourlifepodcast.

Com.