The importance of being Dad

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Think ON good. Hello. This is THINK ON Good. I'm Judy Hogan. Welcome to the program about the programs,

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stories and resources to help build a healthy mind. Coming up, according to worldwide statistics,

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the cost for a child growing up in a single parent or blended household weighs in much more

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than dividing finances. Today, we find out what are some of the impacts and how to support children

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from transition to adulthood. First, though, one of the essentials for nurturing resilient and

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healthy minds is to encourage a consistent father child relationship. While this is complex and is

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not always possible, our next guest CEO from dads for kids talks about some resources that may help

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you turn the sparse and seldom conversations to meaningful bonds. We welcome Nathaniel Marsh.

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Welcome to the program, Nathaniel. Thanks for joining us. Thanks. Thanks for having me, Judy. It's

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a pleasure to be here. Your parents founded dads for kids. How did you get involved? Yeah, well,

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there's quite a backstory to it, so I'll try and keep it brief, but, um, we actually, I'm the eldest

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of five, and, um, we grew up as a musical family. So, uh, when I was a child, I just thought that

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was normal, that sort of everyone was part of, you know, The Partridge Family or the Jackson five.

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But no, we were a musical travelling family. And, um, so we used to do that sort of in the

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90s and then, um, look, we weren't particularly, um, amazing or talented musicians, but we

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just found over the years that people were really encouraged by the fact that we were a family

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playing music together. So we always thought it was about the music, but it was actually sort of

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about the fact that we were a family. So really from that, um, evolved the ministry or I should say

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the organisation that is dad's for kids. So, so in that sense, I've been involved from the get go.

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but my background is in film and TV production, so I was always helping dads for kids in the

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background with our yearly, uh, community service announcements that we, that we put out each year.

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And then one thing led to another. And just recently I took over the role of CEO. And here we

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are looking a little bit closer at the statistics. And some of them are concerning for both

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Australia and internationally. what do you find are the greatest impacts for having

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an absent father? Yeah. Look, sadly, sadly, there are many, impacts. Judy. you know,

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based on statistics from the Australian Bureau of Statistics and also the National Fatherhood

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Initiative in, in the US, we know that here in Australia, sadly, tragically, um, 1 in 6

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children are living without their biological father in the home. So, um, you know, that is that is

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significant. It's a it's about nearly a million children. Um, based on, um, stats from a few years

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ago. But basically, look, fatherlessness leads, fatherlessness leads to all sorts of negative

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outcomes. Fatherlessness increases poverty. Um, lowers educational performance. Uh, it

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can increase crime. Um, it can increase the risk of suicide. All these things for children. Sadly. So it

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is really critical that, um, wherever possible, fathers are actively involved in the lives of

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their children. So what can be done for those children that are, say, transitioning from teen to

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adulthood and haven't had that father influence in their lives? Yeah. Look, I mean, it's difficult,

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but I would say to single parents, especially any any single moms look, seek out, um, positive

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male role models for your children if you can. Um, you know, one thing, uh, that we advocate a lot for

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at dads for kids is, um, what we used to call rites of passage, which something is something we've

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really lost in our in our modern Western lifestyles. A lot of ancient cultures, uh, Jewish

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cultures still. Still do. So they celebrate the bar mitzvah. For many African cultures would actually

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transition their boys into manhood, and there's varying ways of doing that. But that's something

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we really advocate for that, um, especially young boys. But it can be important for young women

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or young girls too. So we're big advocates for rites of passage, but really just having

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especially for young young men, young boys having some positive male role models around is is

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critical. How does dads for kids support communities and help build relationships? Yeah,

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look, we do that in a variety of ways. Um, weekly we're producing content and we're putting out

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weekly dads for kids email, which anyone can subscribe to. Um, but we obviously I mentioned

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before our community service announcements, um, we're sort of, um, I don't like the word famous, but

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we're sort of well-known for our, our TV ads just because we've been doing those for so long. Um, but

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they're just really simple things that, um, encourage dads, encourage families and, you know,

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push, push back against some of the negativity out there around men and fathers. So we offer lot of

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content. We also offer fathering courses, so we have a courageous online fathering course. We also

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host an event in August each year just south of Sydney that men can come along to. And we hold

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other events like an annual dads for Kids Fun Camp, which is a great weekend. Dads can bring

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their kids. We have different games and activities and um, I also have five daughters, Judy, so my

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daughters look forward to that every year. And it's all about helping fathers be intentional and

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creating those times where they can build memories with their children and really build

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better relationships. What about those sort of conversations that you would rather become deeper

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with your would be father or father relationship? How can we improve those? Yeah. Look, I

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think men, you know, we're not always we don't always seek out those opportunities or,

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um. Uh, again, my daughters, my wife, they seem to naturally gravitate towards talking about their

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feelings. And, um, it's not always something that comes naturally to men, especially men from, say,

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older generations. But look, really, we we're all about creating a safe, safe spaces where men

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can can share openly. Um, you know, confidentiality can be a big thing. Um, because often men can't

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they don't feel like they can share things at work, in the workplace. So really having. I would

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say it's critical for men to, as much as possible have have a couple of good mates. Or you might get

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together with some guys around a fire or at the pub or, um, catch up for a meal every now and then

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and, and just have that space to share and be open with each other is really powerful. Yeah. Make sure

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that's, um. Yeah. Scheduled in. So, um, when we're looking at this course, this courageous fathering

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course, can you tell me a little bit about what goes on in that? What are the topics covered and

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how does it who's it for and what do you come out with. Yeah. Look great questions. It's, um, it's a

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ten week course, so it is a commitment. But we find that over ten weeks, uh, with that time and

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encouragement from other men, you can really put into place some, some good changes in your life

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and build some good habits. So it's a ten week course on zoom so we men can dial in from

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anywhere in Australia. And really it's it's for all men. It's, you know, for for young dads, older

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dads, granddad's uh, many single dads. We've got several single dads already signed up for our

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next course. Um, and we've even had enquiries from men who aren't dads yet, but they just want to

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sort of get on the front foot and I guess become fathers or, you know, husbands with a bit of

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foreknowledge, which is, um, really positive. It's great to see. So, um, it's a video based course, but

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then we also this small group, uh, small group work and each week there's some homework as well. So

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it's very comprehensive. Um, there's all sorts of things you learn, but really it's about building

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that community of men who can encourage and spur each other on. I think for me, a big thing I've had

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to learn is being intentional as a father. So, um, you know, it's so easy to kind of drift through

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life. You know, we're all busy, uh, work commitments, social things, all of these things happening.

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But as a father, it's really important to make that time, even if it's small amounts of time here

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and there. But make that time with your children where you can build a stronger relationship with

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them and and really be intentional about it. And, you know, do some some planning and some forward

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thinking. So that's that's one of the many things I've picked up from the course. And what about the

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single dads out there? How does this course actually help someone who's a recently separated.

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Yeah. Look, thanks for asking that, Judy. Because we we're a big advocates for single dads. Um, just in

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the last week, I've spoken with several single dads who are who are really doing it tough. So, um,

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you know, we it's really difficult. What, what some single dads and single mums go through. But

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especially for single dads, they're often facing challenges in the family court system. Um, and

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so the course is tailored for, like I said earlier, all dads. So a single dad can complete the course.

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He'll be encouraged by it. Um, in in court proceedings, uh, there can be a requirement for

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them to, to do courses or to be to be seen, to be developing themselves. So everyone who completes

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the courageous fathering course also gets a certificate of completion. And that's a great tool,

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a great resource for single dads as well, if they find themselves in the in the court system. So

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yeah. So even the course is very encouraging for single dads as well. Can you give an example

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of someone who's given you feedback from that? Yeah. Look, a gentleman from, uh, southeastern

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Queensland, he, he's been going through court proceedings and, um, he recently had a really a

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good outcome. He had a good judgement based on the judge seeing the dads for kids courageous

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certificate, and the judge noted that, um, my friend had been making efforts to improve himself as

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a man to be a better father, even though he's got limited time with his children. Um, that meant he

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had he had a positive outcome in court. Um, thanks to thanks to the course. Any single dads listening

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or watching, I just encourage you to hang in there and, um, keep being there for your children as much

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as you can, because, um, one day they'll they'll want to know their dad. Yeah. Of course. And what

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are some of the resources that you would say to those single dads that are going through this? And

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it is overwhelming. Look, definitely, definitely subscribe to our email newsletter. We always have

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resources in there each week for single dads specifically, but just generally, uh, weekly

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encouragement for dads and single dads. So definitely, yeah, jump on the website. There's

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plenty of resources on there. Make sure you jump on the email list. And if you can, join us for

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the upcoming Courageous Fathering course. Yeah. And what are some of the great reveals that you've

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heard from other fathers that have participated? Yeah. Look, there's so many stories, Judy, I

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think. Um, you know, we've had we've had men. We have, uh, men that support dads for kids that, you know,

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will say things to us like, oh, look, uh, your email newsletter encouraged me. I can think of one

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gentleman who recently said to me that he raised his children, basically based on her newsletter. So

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that was actually quite humbling because I thought hopefully, you know, obviously we wrote

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something helpful in there, but, um, uh, that was a real encouragement. But yeah, other men are really

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encouraged just by the community of dada that is, dads for kids. And so we work hard to, to support and

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encourage dads as much as we can. What additional resources would you suggest there? An older person?

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Older dad? Now, how can we help them? What sort of resources are out there? What sort of supports?

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I mean, I know that dads for kids have got a great blog or channel. Um, are there other resources that

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you would suggest or other steps? Yeah. Look, I think, you know, I would say to older men,

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um, you know, there's younger men, are crying out for mentorship. You mentioned mentoring

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earlier, Judy. And, um, look, you know, I think maybe older men retire from work. Um,

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you know, they I know my father is in the process of retiring, and he's still busy as ever.

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In some ways, he's almost busier than he probably used to be. So I know that, um, you know,

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they're not scratching around for things to do, but, you know, I would just say to any, any older

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men, you know, think about mentoring, think about being available or making yourself available to,

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to mentor and encourage younger men, because especially maybe young men or boys who have grown

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up without a father, you can really be an encouragement to them. So, um, again, um, the

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courageous fathering course, we're always looking for facilitators. So once you've completed the

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course, um, you know, and you feel like it's a good fit. We're always looking for facilitators. So, you

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know, we definitely anyone watching who's got some time? I'd love to talk to you. I'd love to hear

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from you. And we. We can find some men to connect you with and get you, you know, investing in that

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next generation. Yeah. We've all got some skills to bring to the table. Right? Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

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What are the topics covered in the Courageous fathering course? Yeah. Look, there's lots

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of topics that are covered. Um, it's an interview- based video, so you'll get a lot of content,

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but there's seven. There's seven, uh, that spring to mind. So there's a big focus on educational and

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personal growth. So, you know, improving yourself, being the best dad you can be. Um, we also talk a

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lot about parenting generally, um, different topics related to that. Uh, relationships. There's a big

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focus on strengthening and investing in your relationships. I know we touch on the five love,

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love languages. Uh, a bit of a bit of a mouthful. Um, dealing with family crisis. You know, life can

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throw curveballs. So what do you do when. When something unexpected pops up? Um. other things, you

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know, improving. Um, making changes to improve your life as a man, your health. All these

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things. We want to make sure we can be on this planet for as long as we can for our families, um,

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daily choices, and then also work life balance, which is a massive topic. I mean, you could do a

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whole course just on work life balance, but, uh, especially for dads, it's critical too, to, you know,

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not expend all your energy at work and not leave anything for your children. You know, when you get

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home. So, it's really about keeping the main thing, the main thing, prioritising as much as you can

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for your family. Before you go, what is your favourite quote? Ah yes. Yes I, I have many

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favourite quotes. Judy. I saw that question and I, I thought, uh, I actually, I actually collect quotes

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because we put quotes each week in our newsletter. But I read recently a quote from a man called

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Jonathan Golden. He's actually written a book with this title, but he just for words, um, because I

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think the shorter the better. And his quote is be you do good, so be you do good, I

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think. You can't really get much more to the point than that. But, um, you know, I think in this modern

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age, um, you know, with, with social media and media in general, you know, we can find that it steals

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our joy sometimes. Um, but if you just be you, you know, find out who you are and just be yourself

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and then focus your energies on doing good. I don't think, really. Uh, I think that's probably the

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best you can get. Maybe, it sounds good. Thank you for your time today, Nathaniel. Thanks so much, Judy.

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Research about Fatherlessness indicates children are more likely to demonstrate poor

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academic achievement, low self-esteem, psychological distress, substance use and abuse,

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adult criminal offending, and depression. To find out more about the research, go to dads for kids

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This is where you can also click through to register for the Courageous Fathering Course, which is an

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online course supporting personal growth, parenting, relationships and how to manage family

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crisis with advice for single dads. For the single dads who need advice, support and guidance through

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the maze. Go to the Daily Dad. If you are going through relationship difficulties, dads, mums and

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andparents in distress. Phone: 1300

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beyond Break-Up.com

Think on good is a program offering information for mind health and is not

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intended to replace medical treatment, professional advice or diagnosis. If you or

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: 1114

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Think on good would like to thank our contributors and sponsors. Until next

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time, we hope you enjoy your day.

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Think on Good.

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