Shownotes
The "We Hate Uncle Lewis Club" is back in session for another deep dive into FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES as we discuss Season One Episode Seven: "Doctor Jack".
In "Doctor Jack", the crew discovers that an internationally renowned surgeon (played by Cliff Gorman, "The Boys in the Band") is using a scalpel that once belonged to Jack the Ripper. While he may never lose a patient, he's leaving a trail of slashed corpses behind wherever he goes, and it looks like Jack might be his next victim.
You can expect:
- Horrible Hospital Administration!
- Chekhov's Gun Lady!
- Skippy the Skater!
- Truly ENORMOUS Micki Hair!
- Hideous Ryan Sweaters!
- The Birth of Lucy Bender!
- Caustic Commentary from Patrick, Maya and Trae!
YouTube has purged almost every episode of Friday the 13th: The Series from the platform, but you can still watch Doctor Jack here on Dailymotion.
You might also consider purchasing the DVD box set (currently $27 at Walmart).
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Theme song: SINISTER (Darkwave Remix) by SAM HAYNES
Logo by KASEY LOMAN from EVIL GOODS DESIGN
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Transcripts
Hi, everybody. Before we start the show, I just wanted to let you know a few quick things.
This episode had some things going on with it because there were things going on at the time.
What you should know is that episode, this episode that you're hearing right now is completely been redone from scratch from the episode that first aired on Patreon because there were a lot of sound issues.
What was happening at the time is I just started using Audacity as a sound editor and I was still figuring it out, and things were choppy, things were sloppy, things were not great because it was a learning process. It took me longer than usual to put the episode together, so I didn't insert the sound clips from the show like I normally do, which.
Which of course are going to be happening for you now for consistency purposes.
The other thing you might realize that we're all kind of snippy with each other and we sound like we're overcompensating for something, because we are. Because this episode was the first episode that we recorded after lockdown. Shut down. Yes. That's how long ago we've been recording these shows.
Patrick:That's how long we've been recording Damn You Uncle Lewis. Been a very long time.
Patrick:But you can hear the stress in our voices.
Patrick:I edited out the worst of it when things got really bad.
Patrick:But if you notice that we're a little tense and on edge. That's why. So please be forgiving and enjoy the show. Oh, hello. Come in, come in, come in. Do come in out of the terrible weather. Oh, welcome.
Welcome to my very curious curio shop. Although I hate to inform you, the shop is closed for tonight because there's a. Well, it's a rather special evening.
Patrick:It's our monthly meeting of sorts.
Patrick:So unless you're here for the meeting, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. The nature of the meeting, you ask. Let me put it to you this way. Sometimes Uncle Louis does dreadful things.
Patrick:Welcome to Damn you, Uncle Lewis, the Friday the 13th, the series retrospective podcast.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and Girls and my GNCs, wherever you may be, the shop is once again open, and we are here to throw some shade on Uncle Lewis.
And when I say we, I say me and my two most fabulous shopkeepers, Bad hospital administration and Chekhov's gun lady, otherwise known as Trae Dean and Maya Murphy.
Maya:Hello.
Trae:Hey, how you doing?
Patrick:I'm fine.
Patrick W.:You know, shit's going bad in the world right now. But you know what? Uncle Lewis did some more shit. What has he been up to this week, guys.
Trae:Fucking up hospitals is what he's been doing.
Maya:Yeah, fucking up hospitals. Getting Rando stabbed, stabbed, cut up in bits. Use your imagination.
Trae:It's not safe to be a skater or a rose seller or a flower salesman.
Maya:Yeah, you know those sketchy late night flower salesmen just coming around a dark corner. Hey, Mac. Hey, Mac, you want a whole floral arrangement?
Patrick W.:I'm in an alley where nobody comes anyway. All right, the episode we're talking about is episode season one, number seven, otherwise known as Dr. Jack.
Patrick:Okay? Dr. Jack was directed by Richard Freeman. Richard Freeman, we met last time. He directed the Great Montaro.
He also directed Phantom of Them all and Project. His most recent project is a movie called Thou Shalt Not Kill. So still working. And the episode was written by Mark Scott Zicree
Now, I know a lot of you.
Patrick W.:Who are sci fi fans have been.
Patrick:Screaming at us, like, why don't you mention his Mike Scott Zicree? Why don't you mention that he's a brilliant sci fi writer?
Patrick W.:We didn't know when we recorded this.
Patrick:We didn't know at the time.
Patrick W.:We didn't do this kind of research back then.
Patrick:But now we know who's a super.
Patrick W.:Famous sci fi writer.
Patrick:He did four episodes of Friday the 13th, the series Tales of the Undead, Scarecrow, which is the episode, I believe.
Patrick W.:We figure out how super famous Mark.
Patrick:Scott Zicree is and what a blessing.
Patrick W.:It was that he wrote for the show at all.
Patrick:And finally the episode Dr. Jack. Most recently he's working on a show.
Patrick W.:Called Space Commander, which I mean, he had problems with. I'm like, there's two Jacks in the show. I'm confused already.
Maya:Dr. Jack. But then like every time a character doesn't know another character's name in this episode, their name is Mac. Every time it happens.
And I'm like, writers, get your shit together. Other names exist.
Trae:Oh, the writers. I'm going to talk about the writers here in a little bit.
Maya:Great, let's do that.
Patrick W.:So what, pray tell, what is the object du jour?
Maya:It's Jack the Ripper's scalpel.
Trae:A very weird looking triangular head shaped scalpel.
Maya:Yeah, it's definitely an X acto knife. It is not a scalpel.
Patrick W.:It's an X acto knife that apparently will heal. It's one of those good curse, bad curse things. Like it has an upside down side. It will heal anyone that you perform surgery on it with.
Whatever the condition the problem is, you have to kill people. And it probably also apparently never needs to be sterilized.
Maya:Never Needs to be sterilized. Lives in a little velvet case that.
Patrick W.:He brought it in to do surgery and just put it on his head. No, no, but it also. Hospital administration's right there. Like, the enclave is right there. The enclave is on camera.
Maya:The scalpel has other powers, though. Can cut through, like any. Any substance imaginable. We see it cut through iron bars. We see it cut a gun in.
Patrick W.:Half, and it can still slice a tomato like this.
Maya:Yeah, but wait, there's more.
Patrick W.:It slices, it dices. It also makes Julianne Moore.Fries.
Trae:But it doesn't have a low charge indicator, so you don't know. Like, how did he know when it was needed to be refilled?
Patrick W.:Oh, it's the lady die condition. It's the lady die disease.
Maya:This episode is so frustrating because, like, we just make up the rules for the cursed object and no one questions them. And the bad guy doesn't verify. Verify them. But Jack just decides, oh, maybe it has to be charged like a battery. And.
And Robey is just like, yeah, that makes sense.
Patrick W.:And we are. That's because we have a new category of things to look out for in these shows. Every episode. Jack splitting.
Trae:Well, it's good because it wasn't a lot on there. I'm looking for American stuff. I couldn't find anything.
Patrick W.:Oh, there's there.
Patrick:We'll get there.
Patrick W.:It's deeply. It's there. We'll get there. It gets it. I decided that in the beginning, at the very beginning of this episode, this.
This poor flower seller in an alley is murdered. And it's in the paper. And Jack said something about, you know, oh, they. They all go down. They all go down the. The thingy, the whole routine.
We'll get into all this. But they finally realize that it's the scalpel that belonged to Jack the Ripper. And Jack the Ripper has to explain. I mean, Jack.
Jack Marshak has to explain.
Maya:I can't do it. Too many Jacks.
Patrick W.:No but he has to explain Jack the Ripper to these two idiots. They've never heard of Jack the Ripper.
Micki:Wait a minute.
Micki:Here's a note.
Jack:Legend has it that the aforementioned item may once have been the scalpel of Jack the Ripper.
Jack: In the summer of: Trae:Cause apparently he was known for slitting throats.
Patrick W.:Come on.
Trae:Cause Jack the Ripper slit the throat of everyone he killed.
Maya:So frustrating. As the owner and operator of a uterus first of all, I'd like to talk about. One of the reasons we suspected OG Jack the Ripper was a doctor.
Is that he knew what he was looking for. He cut out urus uteruses of sex workers. Like throats. Throats is not the issue here.
Trae:Nope.
Patrick W.:I know, but that's. Yeah, I know, I know, but that was the palatable thing you could do on tv. Palatable? Killing people is much easier.
Taking out their foo foos or something else.
Patrick W.:Clearly, Jack the Ripper was not Rocky Flintstone if you knew the female anatomy.
Maya:What?
Trae:Belinda blinked.
Patrick W.:Rocky Flintstone is. The guy is the dad who wrote the porno. And my dad wrote a porno.
Maya:Okay.
Trae:The guy's dad writes really bad porno under his screenname.
Maya:I'm aware of the podcast. I just haven't. Haven't gotten into it yet.
Trae:It's. It's fun. It's very strange.
Maya:I only hear good things.
Patrick W.:Supposed to see them live at Radio City Music hall on Friday. Am I bitter?
Trae:Absolutely.
Maya:Yeah. And I was supposed to see Ali Wong, but you know, we're all suffering right now.
Trae:Yeah. Times are hard.
Maya:Times is hard.
Patrick W.:Where are we? Okay, so let's go back to the top of the show. Top of the show. We're in a creepy alley that might be Victorian until it's not.
Maya:And we're watching the footsteps of a man wearing a long cape. And we're like, danger.
Patrick W.:As you put it last week when Maya thought we were covering that episode when Her Name Was Murder. Trenchcoat.
Maya:I got my numbers mixed up. I'm not good at that.
Patrick W.:No, I wasn't picking on your. But I love that your neighbor's wearing a trench coat.
There's no reason to be wearing a trench coat like that unless you're going out to murder people.
Maya:Purpose. Purpose built.
Trae:Well, and I love the dialogue that this flower guy is having with a guy because he's yelling, because he's like, I don't make change. What do you think I am? The bank? First National?
Maya:First National Bank. And I'm like, the United States doesn't have a First National Bank.
Trae:And what kind of salesman only takes exact change when they sell flowers?
Patrick W.:I think the guy just wanted to break a 20.
Flower Guy:What's that, a $20 bill?
Flower Guy:Yeah.
Flower Guy:Can't you break it? I don't change. Get out of here. What do I look like, the First National Bank?
Maya:Yeah. Someone before him wanted to break a 20. And then our.
Patrick W.:And that's what that was
Maya:Our Murder Doctor tried to give him like a hundred bucks and he Was like, oh, I'll make you a whole arrangement. Then the hundred dollar bill goes flying out of the florist's hands because.
Patrick W.:Because the scalpel can also control the wind.
Maya:Yeah, magic scalpel. So then he goes to go get the hundred dollars, and he gets brutally stabbed with a tiny exacto blade. And then there's witnesses, several people see.
Trae:The stabbing happen to a goddamn thing.
Flower Guy:Hey, Mac, how about some flowers for the missus?
Flower Guy:For that, you get a whole arrangement.
Flower Guy:Oh, no, I'll get it. I'll get it. Here you go.
Maya:And then to escape, the murder, doctor uses the magic scalpel to cut through several sets of iron bars and just escape through them and run away into the night.
Patrick W.:You know, had Jack had that a few episodes ago when that magic put him in that helicopter.
Trae:Yeah, but you will see him kill the person, but don't do anything other than just like, look, there he is. And he runs down the alleyway, and the people are still looking at him. And he cuts through one set of bars.
People are still looking at him, not doing anything. They cut to the second set of bars. People are still looking at him.
Maya:What are you going to do? Pursue the guy? Cutting through iron bars effortlessly like you're going to follow that guy.
Trae:You can at least try.
Maya:No, no, I'm not trying. I will get stabbed. I don't want to.
Patrick W.:Trae. I've decided it's a Canadian disease. Okay, the standard by disease. Remember Mary? Hello, Mary Lou. Prom night 2
They all just stood there and watch her burn. Nobody did anything.
Trae:Well, that's because Mary Lou.
Ryan:Ah.
Patrick W.:She's on fire.
Maya:Ah.
Patrick W.:Oh, God. We should do something. I don't know what to do. Ah, we're extras. Nobody gave us any direction.
Trae:She should have been. Problem coin. So it was his natural selection of prom queens.
Maya:We go back to the store, and then Jack has to explain who Jack the ripper was.
Jack: Item: Micki:But not solid iron bars.
Ryan:All the eyewitnesses agreed it was a small knife. That's what makes it so incredible.
Micki:Now, that's a long shot.
Ryan:It's still worth checking out who bought it anyway?
Micki:Wait a minute.
Maya:Here's a note.
Jack:Legend has it that the aforementioned item may once have been the scalpel of Jack the Ripper.
Jack: In the summer of: Trae:Oh, but first I have a note. Micki, hair.
Maya:Micki's hair is so good this episode. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
Patrick W.:Yeah. Time out. Normally do fashion at the end. Micki is on point this. This whole episode. She looks fantastic. Not outrageous. She looks fantastic.
Maya:The hair is so big.
Patrick W.:I mean, the hair is huge, but the hair's always huge. It's got a huge bow tying it down, and it's still huge.
Trae:And she's kind of monochromatic, but it looks good. Kind of brownish.
Maya:Yeah, brown. Brown with a peplum.
Trae:And even Ryan doesn't look too bad. He's wearing, like.
Maya:No, Ryan. We're not dressing Ryan like a teenager anymore, which is nice.
Patrick W.:No. Big to differ. Big to differ. Ryan was in that hideous tan sweater, wearing tan pants.
Maya:He was like this scene, like, typical street man. I. I think I'm dressing up. I'm doing it right. This is me. I did it.
Patrick W.:But that sweater was hideous. I was like, okay, what are those things on there?
Trae:At the very end? He was dressed like Ward Cleaver. The very end was terrible.
Patrick W.:They switched at the end because she was dressed like an.
Trae:He was wearing tennis shoes with the whole thing. That looked kind of silly, but that was the time.
Patrick W.:No, he's got these weird blobs on the sweater. Are they geese?
Trae:Oh, yeah, I noticed that.
Patrick W.:Yeah. Are they dinosaurs? What the Are those?
Maya:I'm not so offended by the sweater. I did not notice any of this.
Patrick W.:Well, it didn't fit. Then again, it was the 80s.
Trae:It looks better relative to what he's been wearing before. So it's all on a scale?
Maya:Yeah, on a sliding scale. I'll give it that.
Trae:I'm creating a huge curve.
Patrick W.:We realize that. You know, it sounds familiar. Oh, it sounds familiar. That. Oh, that scalpel that can cut through metal, where this sounds like something with.
That's one of ours. And they're going through the book, and nothing else matches but this scalpel. And like, oh, it belongs to doctor. It belongs to Dr. Howard. Dr. Howard.
Jack:No, no, no.
Maya:That's not what happened. It got sold to some thug, right? Yeah, it got sold to a thug who pawned it because that's how we end up at Jim's Knives.
Trae:Oh, okay.
Patrick W.:But before we do, Robey has to find yet another convenient note written next to the item that explains what?
Maya:Well, if it went for these notes, I just don't know what we would do.
Patrick W.:I've never heard of Jack the.
Trae:Who's Jack, though?
Maya:Jack.
Patrick W.:Do you mean Jack Tripper?
Maya:Stop. Stop that.
Patrick W.:Jack T. Ripper. Jack Tripper was Jack the Ripper. I just solved this.
Maya:Don't. Don't fall out of your chair there, Patrick. Little worried about you.
Patrick W.:It's a chaise lounge, my darling. I can't fall out of it. I can just reply and all the way back. All right, who do you think you're dealing with?
Maya:A professional. My bad. So we find out that the person they sold the scalpel to is behind bars for assault. But he pawned the knife. So then we go to Jim's knives.
Trae:Okay, I want to spend the next hour talking about this segment.
Maya:I want to talk about Jim's accent.
Patrick W.:Hold on. The guy is on parole. The guy who the knife was sold to is on parole for armed assault. He's on parole and he owns a knife store? No.
Trae:Well, we know he's tough the minute you see him because he's wearing just a vest with an eagle on it and he has a long dangly earring and earrings. In the 80s on men meant you were either gay or a thug.
Maya:Yeah, why not both? Why not both? Have you seen Jim?
Patrick W.:It's both. Because Jack has incriminating negatives.
Trae:No, no, no, no, no, no. When we get there, I've got things to say.
Maya:All right, what you got, Drake?
Patrick W.:Oh, third of wise scene was like.
Trae:Written by some college student who was trying to do a dramatic one act play. So they're trying to find who he sold the knife to and he's like, I don't know, my memory is not so good. I. I got kind of bad memory.
t these negatives of you from: Patrick W.:Can I help you?
Ryan:Uh, maybe. We're looking for a knife.
Knife Store Jim:You came to the right place. What kind of knives?
Micki:Oh, antique knives.
Knife Store Jim:You come to the wrong place. All I got are household knives, work knives, camping knives.
Micki:What about scalpels?
Knife Store Jim:Oh, I look like a medical supply house.
Jack:It looks like you've got really quite an extensive collection here.
Knife Store Jim:Yeah, I get by.
Micki: Victorian scalpel, say, circa: Knife Store Jim:You want to buy something, Mac, or you just want to waste my time?
Jack:You have quite a way of dealing with people.
Ryan:Look, look, I've got a friend, he owns an antique shop, and he said you bought an antique scalpel.
Knife Store Jim:Yeah, well, if I did, I don't remember. Besides, I got receipts for everything in this place. There's nothing here that's hot if that's what you're driving at.
Maya:This is it. This is just the scalpel we were looking for Impossible.
Knife Store Jim:I sold it.
Jack:Who did you sell it to?
Knife Store Jim:Hey, what do I look like, information?
Jack:Look, you said you've got receipts for everything.
Knife Store Jim:Did I? Funny, I just lost my memory.
Jack: fresh it. Some negatives from: Knife Store Jim:Where did you get those?
Jack:Funny, I just lost my memory.
Knife Store Jim:Look, mister, I run a legit business here.
Jack:Nobody ever said you didn't.
Knife Store Jim:My customers, they would like to remain anonymous.
Ryan:Well, wouldn't tell a soul.
Knife Store Jim:Well, I did sell a scalpel about two years ago to a doctor.
Micki:Remember who?
Knife Store Jim:Of course I remember who. Dr. Howlett.
Jack:The Dr. Howlett.
Knife Store Jim:Listen, you didn't hear nothing from me.
Maya:And he's like, no, no.
Trae:Okay?
Patrick W.: Not: Trae:Wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay, this show, you have to swallow a lot of coincidences and a lot of stupid happening to make the story go by.
But we're supposed to believe that we're going to a knife store with a guy, an owner that we haven't talked about, they don't know anything about, but Jack has gone and found the physical negatives from eight years earlier to blackmail him.
Maya:Okay, we go over that at the end of the scene, though.
Patrick W.:He covers that in the next scene. My ex.
Trae:Oh, did he?
Maya:Yeah, he says when they walk out of the store, he says, oh, yeah, you pick up any year these negatives are from you two going to the zoo with the chimps.
Trae:Oh, God damn it. I missed that.
Micki:The only thing I want to know.
Micki:Is where did you get those negatives?
Jack:At the zoo. There of you and Ryan at the monkey cage. See, chances are, a guy like Morgan, any year you pick, he's liable to be hiding something.
Micki:Well, sure worked.
Jack:But of course,.
Patrick W.:Any year with those kids. But yeah, Maya is absolutely correct. But what he said was they're from the zoo and they're like what he's like.
And he has this little giggle on his face because they're actually pictures of you and Ryan at the monkey cage.
Trae:I think I was writing my notes of righteous indignation.
Patrick W.:I'm just picturing the monkey. The monkey cage could be the name of a sex club. So could you do our knife store.
Patrick:Guys played by an actor named Michael Copeman. Michael Copeman, very prolific actor. He primarily Canadian TV, but over 100 credits still working.
Most recently he was just on Murdoch Mysteries and on a something called When Hope Called. But previously to that he'd been on Star Trek Discovery, the TV show Fargo and David Croberg's the Fly.
He was super interesting and I wish we had more of him, but this was his Only Friday the 13th the series.
Trae:But the writing is still really good because this guy is surly from the word.
Maya:Oh yeah.
Patrick W.:What I thought was great, they walk in and they're like, is, we're looking for knives.
Maya:An antique scalpel.
Patrick W.:We know, we know. The guy's like, ah, yeah, well, we came to the right place. She's an antique scalpel. Well, you've come to the wrong place.
Like, well, you've got all kinds of. He's like, oh, yeah, I got all kinds of knives. I got work knives. I've got hunting knives. I've got cat knives.
I've got a novelty sized Swiss army knife.
Maya:Got, I got this shelf full of cleavers over here.
Trae:Cleavers.
Patrick W.:That was the gigantic, just giant Swiss army for like King. I know.
Trae:And I think it has to be a Friday the 13th movie reference because they had a huge machete front and center in the foreground facing the cashier.
Patrick W.:Yeah, laid to the cashier.
Trae:And the prop work was pretty amazing with everyone picking up a knife and like playing with it or the knife.
Patrick W.:Clearly not buying anything. You do not funnel all the goddamn merchandise. Thank you.
Maya:Oh, no. If I was in a knife store, I'd want to play with all of them. I, I, I can't fault anyone for that.
Patrick W.:Yeah, but, yeah, but they, but they've already been a pain in the ass the second they walk in. If I was a shop, you'll be like, put it down.
Maya:You, you haven't bought that yet. All of these are pointy.
Patrick W.:This old man is threatening me with negatives. Y' all are walking around picking up everything in sight. Y' all shoplifting something. He's distracting me.
Trae:And then Jack, like, does like a Mike Brady level of trickery to get him to admit that he sold the knife to someone. He's like, oh, someone said that he sold it somewhere else. And the owner's like, no, I sold it to him.
Maya:Or no, Micki. Micki is like, oh, here's the scalpel we need. And he's like, no, I sold that.
Patrick W.:Oh, that's right.
Maya:The word for those meddling kids.
Patrick W.:No knife store owner is a match for Lucy. Bender will come back to her.
Maya:Oh, man. Yeah, yeah.
Patrick W.:She hasn't arrived yet, but yeah. So they, they get, they, they find out that the knife was. So he sold. I sold it to Dr. Hallett.
Maya:Of course.
Patrick W.:Jack's like, Dr. Howlett.
Maya:Dun, dun.
Flower Guy:How to.
Patrick W.:Jacksplain! jacksplain!
Jack:They call this Dr. Howlett, the miracle man. He's been on the cover of all the news magazines, all the major talk shows. He's turned surgery into an art, not to mention a big business.
He takes all the most hopeless cases and then he cures them.
Trae:Before you had the Internet, you had Jack Marshack.
Patrick W.:Ask Jack.
Maya:He knows everything.
Patrick W.:It'll take four hours, but ask Jack. He'll probably do it in 15 accents in two weeks.
Then Jack goes on to explain that Dr. Hallett is the super famous surgeon that you know is performing all these miracle cures, doing surgeries on hopeless cases. He's been on the TV all the. On every channel. He's been on every news station. He's been every magazine.
Then why do I have to explain it to these assholes again? Why don't they know already?
Trae:Exactly.
Maya:They don't consume media, I guess. They don't read. They don't watch the news.
Patrick W.:Well, once Lady Di went off the air, we didn't know what to do.
Maya:Yeah, without that heavy metal cover of I'm a Little Teapot, what, What would we.
Trae:Well, it's like a doctor just doing his job apparently is front page news in this town.
Maya:He doesn't lose a single patient, though.
Trae:Not.
Maya:Not a one.
Trae:Not. Not one. Not a one. And he. He loves to hear himself.
Maya:Oh, my God. Yeah. And he's got that strong jawline.
Micki:But.
Patrick W.:But before we move. Before we move on at 6 minutes and 39 seconds. Jackcent.
Trae:What?
Maya:Oh, yes, yes, yes. He does one phrase in a. In a. French. In French.
Micki:Sure worked.
Jack:But Of course.
Trae:Dick has it in it.
Patrick W.:No reason for it. Except for Jackcent
Trae:Jackcent. He has it written in. He has to do a Jackcent once every episode. That's in his contract.
Maya:So when we open up in the hospital, Dr. Howlett is speaking in a surgery arena and he's giving this speech on. With great scalpel comes great responsibility. And it's like this total ego trip. I'm the God, doctor person.
Doctor Howlett:A man with a knife in his hand cuts open a second man from sternum to pubis. Is the man arrested? No. Why not? Because the man is a surgeon. That, ladies and gentlemen, is power, but it's responsibility as well.
We must learn to do our job not only correctly, but.
Patrick W.:He's like, like talking to them. He's doing surgery. Like jerking off with his right is.
Maya:Like, oh, this man has been cut from here to here. Does the person get arrested? No, he's a surgeon. It's like, oh, my God.
Patrick:Bing bong Back to from the future here. This will come up again later in the show, but our villain, Dr. Howlett, is played by Cliff Gorman.
fter making a huge hit in the:You know, college student by day, hooker by night. We're going to get back to Cliff later because there's a tragic turn to his career. But it's not time for that yet. Bing bong. Back to the show.
Patrick W.:No, I realize it's a surgical theater. That is called a surgical theater. Do people applaud in a surgical theater here?
Maya:They do. Is that they do. Oh, yes, yes. And he's like, oh, you could.
Patrick W.:And then they do the surgery mega mix and the like glitter cannons.
Maya:You can close her up now. And he just like, leaves the other doctors to finish his patient.
Trae:It reminded me of what? Oh, from that. You think you're God. I am. You call me God. I am God.
Maya:I am God. Lightning shoes for my fingertips.
Trae:Yeah, Alec Baldwin's line he was doing. But yeah, he's got all these reporters. Hospital staff.
Maya:Yeah, there's a hospital staff. And the media and randos, I guess.
Patrick W.:Yeah, they're selling tickets as far as I know.
Trae:Seems about it.
Patrick W.:Is it? I'm sure. Is there a hot dog vendor?
Trae:And apparently this is like his first.
Patrick W.:Get your red hots. Get your red hots. And this is like his first analytic surgery.
Maya:You can't try to bring your actual observation right now. We're doing voices.
Trae:Yeah, but it's like his first day on the job.
Doctor Patricia:Also, of course, we've all heard of Dr. Howlett. His reputation has preceded him. But as head of surgery here, I for one didn't believe it.
No one could live up to that reputation except a miracle man performing surgery on hopeless cases and never losing a single patient. So I was wrong. Dr. Howlett, welcome aboard. That was a hell of a debut.
Doctor Howlett:Thank you. I'm happy to be the newest member of Ravenbrook's illustrious faculty. As some of you may know, I began my career in medical school at this hospital.
And I'm delighted if my talents can now help regild the somewhat tarnished institution.
Maya:Yeah, it's his first day on the job. And apparently he went to med school here. And the woman who's the head of medicine. Head of surgery. Patricia Price was his professor.
And when he was a student, she was not impressed by him or his.
Trae:Methods, she throws him some massive shade.
Maya:No, I love the shade. I love the shade.
Patrick W.:I loved it, too.
Doctor Patricia:As your professor, I do remember you from med school. Given your performance there, I'm amazed that you ever qualified as a surgeon.
Doctor Howlett:My track record does speak for itself. And though I detect a note of jealousy.
Doctor Patricia:Jealous of what?
Doctor Howlett:My reputation, the admiration of my peers, the press I've been receiving.
Doctor Patricia:Let's make it perfectly clear, Vince. I do not approve of your showbiz approach to surgery.
Doctor Howlett:Like it or not, Patricia, it works.
Patrick W.:She ain't taking shit from it. She's like, she has to announce him to the press. She's like, he's wonderful and he's such an asset to the hospital.
And she's like sitting at the beginning.
Trae:Like, I hate this, and then walking back, just turn him. She's like.
She's like, I'm surprised that when, you know, when I had you, a student, I never would have thought you would have been a competent surgeon.
Maya:And he's like, what, are you jealous? Are you jealous of my accolades? My press?
Patrick W.:No, I. Wait, what did she say? Oh, what did she say? She had a great line about that.
Maya:Oh, you didn't memorize the whole episode?
Patrick W.:No, I didn't. No, she had a great line. It was just something about how she doesn't like his circus.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Oh, yeah. The way. The way he runs medicine like it's.
Patrick W.:A free ring side show. Eventually approach.
Trae:I wanted more of her.
Patrick W.:In this episode, Dr. Catherine is played.
Patrick:By a fabulous actress named Doris Petrie. Doris will be back in season two for the Mephisto Ring, and she's going to blow us away. Spoiler alert.
And you can also find her in funeral home with Leslie Donaldson, which will come up later.
Trae:I was. I was sad she didn't end up being a bigger part of this episode.
Patrick W.:Just for one thing that I was impressed with this episode. A since. Where's Jack the Ripper? Ask Jack the Ripper. Jason, no sex workers were killed.
Maya:We came close. We come close at the end of the episode.
Patrick W.:But. But you would think that would have been. That would have been the opening kill.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick W.:Just to make sure you knew where you were. Oh, we're just gonna kill a sex worker. And also rarity for this show, no women were killed. On screen.
Maya:Yeah. On screen. Yeah. I'll give you that.
Patrick W.:There's one in the past that we hear about.
Maya:Yeah, we have the past one we hear about whose photo we see later.
Patrick W.:Because sometimes I'm just like, why are we always killing the women. Why?
Maya:Because, I mean, there's a lot to unpack there and just like horror in general. Why? Women are killed at much higher rates.
Patrick W.:I know, I know, I know, I know. But it was painful to watch even then. Yeah, another one exploiting women's sex.
Maya:Women are people. Come on, come on, come on. Come back. Okay, cool.
Patrick W.:Okay.
Maya:So our heroes figure out that.
Patrick W.:Excuse me, do not deny me of my moment of like by virtue signaling right now. Thank you very much.
Flower Guy:Cool.
Maya:So our heroes are on the way to the hospital.
Ryan:I don't understand it. How can a small hospital like Ravenbrook afford a heavy hitter like Howlett?
Jack:Well, they really cant. But from everything I've been hearing, they really can't afford not to have him. They've been suffering some serious setbacks lately.
Micki:Like what?
Jack:Oh, outmoded equipment and poor patient care. They've had bad press, even some malpractice. And that's not to mention some minor scandals that have happened among the staff.
Ryan:So having Howlett there can put him back on the map again.
Jack:Well, they've certainly got the best, haven't they?
Maya:And Ravenbrook becomes the most important hospital in the country.
Doctor Howlett:Uh huh.
Flower Guy:All right, we know what's in it for Ravenbrook. What's in it for Hallett?
Jack:Oh.
Jack:Oh, look, he just loves the limelight. He can take a place like this and turn it into a really top notch institution single handedly. Hang on.
Ryan:Sounds like an okay guy to me.
Jack:Well, his critics say that he's turning medicine into a three ring circuit.
Micki:But look, I mean, there's no denying his perfect success rate and all the good work he's done.
Jack:No, there's no denying that. But you know, it's ironic. Jack the Ripper was supposed to have been a doctor too.
Maya:And Robey's hair is like literally touching the ceiling of the car. And I died. I wrote that.
Patrick W.:I wrote that. Jack's in the back seat of the car. If she moved her head, he would have been gone.
He would have been like the whole like left side of the car is just hair with his little tiny face. But she looks great.
Maya:She looks so good. I'm here for all of it.
Patrick W.:Oh, man.
Micki:Oh.
Maya:So we get back to the hospital and there's a mystery lady posting photos around the hospital and she draws a gun on Dr. Howlett.
Patrick W.:But I'm just like, why did, why did that woman just put up a picture of Joyce DeWitt on that door? What's happening?
Trae:Because he's Jack the Tripper.
Patrick W.:Oh, we're back to Jack the tripper. But.
Trae:But she pulls out a gun, has a perfect shot.
Maya:He doesn't take it.
Trae:No.
Patrick W.:Oh, she was gonna, but these very.
Maya:These very convenient medical orderlies show up out of nowhere and take her to a psych ward.
Trae:Well, they grab her and she points upwards and is like, no.
Micki:Why?
Jean:Let me go. I'll follow him. He's a killer scumbag. No, Let me go. I gotta kill him before he kills again. Stop it.
Jack:Trying to make you meet me, the way you talk to that lady.
Patrick W.:But still, our heroes stopped her from shooting him, which would have ended this shit right there.
Maya:It would have fixed it. And then, you know, you go pick the scalpel off his dead body. End of episode.
Patrick W.:No police are called.
Maya:No police are called. Attempted murder.
Patrick W.:No police are called.
Maya:Totally, totally fine. She's running around with a gun, screaming.
Patrick: Murder by Phone and class of:Plus Guillermo del Toro's. Guillermo del Toro's Mama. And she was a regular on Avonlea.
Trae:Well, apparently. Yeah. They just strap her down to, like, a psych ward area of the hospital. Yeah, what the hell? They don't call the cops. Which we'll get into later.
But they don't call the cops for anything at this hospital.
Maya:No, apparently, no.
Patrick W.:Well, you know, they haven't forgiven them after that whole autopsy room scene. But. But when Micki had.
Maya:Yeah. Where they just, like, rolled up into the autopsy room, like, hey, hey, you're not listening to the homeless people.
Patrick W.:If they're not going to talk nicely to us, then we are not going to ever call the cops. I am. Robey, when we say go.
Maya:Oh, yes, Yes. I. No. No one else could speak such a way.
Patrick W.:I can't speak that way. I don't know.
Patrick:I can't.
Patrick W.:I still haven't nailed it. I can't nail the Robey. Every now and then I'm like, why is she from Brooklyn? Like, every fifth word. She's rogue and British. It's really weird.
Maya:Yeah, it's true.
Patrick W.:She is. I'm sorry, Countess of Mystery.
Trae:Now.
Maya:She is very, very convenient. Orderlies. Oh, and then I wrote, don't split the party. All our heroes break up to try and individually take down Dr. Howlett, which never works.
Don't split the party.
Patrick W.:But if they hadn't split the party, we wouldn't have met Lucy Bender.
Maya:Do you want to explain? Lucy Bender.
Patrick W.:Robey, Micki sees Dr. Howlett go into his office, and she's like, I'm going to have a confrontation with him. As she like, thanks for a second. And she knocks on the door. She's like, hello, I'm Lucy Bender, the new head of administrative.
Micki:How do you do? I'm Lucy Bender, supply and services here at Ravenbrook. Just checking to make sure everything's all right.
Oh, I see they did give you that leather chair.
Doctor Howlett:Yes, everything's just fine, thank you.
Maya:Well, great. If you need anything else.
Maya:Oh, I see they did buy you that leather chair.
Patrick:Great.
Patrick W.:And here's me another. Another thing. That Jack is gay. I bet Jack gave her that name. And that's like his AOL chat room screen name. Oh, yeah, he's loose. He's loose.
And he's a bender. He's Lucy Bender. His bender is loose.
Trae:I love how she walked up. She's like, oh, I just wanted to. Oh, you got that cheer. We thought. I thought of soap dish with America.
Patrick W.:And of course, we have a villain who's like. He's like, I am the villain of this piece, and this. This item is the key to my success. Emma Destruction.
So I'm just gonna, like, fondle it in front of strangers.
Maya:Yeah. And she's like, if you need anything else, just call me. Like, what are you doing?
Patrick W.:If you need anything. Or perhaps an ottoman. Would you like an ottoman? I could get you an ottoman. I'm Lucy Bender. I can get you anything. I'll bend over for you.
I'll bend the rules. I fell out. Said her name was Lucy Benner Wake. Where did you come up with that shit?
Patrick:Who.
Patrick W.:Whoion crew is named Lucy Bender and Jack.
Maya:Marshack sneak back into the office, and that's when we get the terrible. Oh, maybe it charges like a battery. In order to do good deeds, you have to put murders into it. Yeah, explain.
Jack:Okay, I think that jean's right. Howlett is a mass murderer. The question is why? All right, he's gone with the scalpel.
And I'd say it's a pretty good guess that he's using it not only to operate, but also to kill.
Micki:The upside and the downside of the curse.
Jack:Exactly. I think the scalpel acts as a sort of rechargeable battery.
And if it doesn't kill for a certain period of time, I think it runs down, loses its ability to heal.
Trae:And the longer it takes, the longer you go, the more you have to kill. Okay, sure.
Maya:Yeah. Okay, Jack. Thanks. That makes perfect sense. And we're not gonna test that or validate it or confirm it with the villain. We're just gonna accept it?
Patrick W.:He's like, listen, I used to fuck the guy who made all these curses. I know how his mind works.
Trae:All right, well, so then the doctor goes roaming around, and there's an area that apparently not a single person can go into because there's a sign that says, keep out close to all personnel.
Maya:Oh, and we see the sign again later. They reused the sign later in a stairwell.
Trae:So this area apparently is close to the hospital staff, and it's nothing but, like, an old abandoned wing or storage area.
Patrick W.:This area only for doing creepy stuff. Only, please.
Maya:Creepy only. Very poor lighting.
Trae:It looked like a boiler room from Nightmare on Elm Street.
Patrick W.:Yeah, it looked like the boiler room from the fraternity episode where the final episode happens.
Maya:Oh, yeah, it does.
Patrick W.:Final fight happened. It's the room where no one can go. It's the east wing. Yeah, you may go anywhere you like except the east wing. It's where I keep my cookie stash.
Maya:I want cookies.
Patrick W.:No cookies for you.
Trae:So Ryan's, like, scampering off after him.
Maya:Alone, without any weapons. Just gonna be fine.
Patrick W.:I've got a sweater with weird spots on it. Maybe it'll him enough that he'll just stop what he's doing.
Maya:Oh, my God. Why are you wearing that?
Patrick W.:He's so beige. He'll just blend in with the wall.
Maya:Oh, yeah. In with the ugly tile. Yeah, that'd be good.
Patrick W.:Like, he's so bas. You probably miss him. And I'm up against black wall. I got nothing.
Maya:So the doctor sees Ryan tries.
Trae:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ryan is, like, like, balanced on some tin cans. Just look. And then he falls and, like, makes the sound, and the doctor turns around and sees him.
And so this is another Ryan up episode.
Maya:They're all Ryan up episodes, which is.
Patrick W.:Hilarious with for a big scene coming later. Yeah.
Trae:So then there's, like, a big madcap chase throughout the hospital. Oh, wait. Micki and Jack are walking, looking for everyone, and they see the big sign that says keep out close.
All personal, like, oh, nothing's going on in there. Let's not even bother to look. And they heard clatter come from there. They kind of look at each other and go, ryan. And at least, like, Ryan, the good.
Patrick W.:Old days, you try to have sexual sex with me instead of trying to be a hero all the time.
Trae:Yeah, the awkward sexual tension you can't cut with a knife because there's nothing there.
Patrick W.:Sidebar. Let's pause here, since we're Here I realized something here. Like, they really wrote themselves in recording.
Like if this was the first episode that I ever saw.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick W.:And a lot of these. If you only saw one episode, there's no reason not to think they're not a couple.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick W.:Or at least potential love interests.
Maya:I'll give you the potential love interests. They never act coupley.
Trae:No.
Patrick W.:But this, this, this attention, this episode, they're literally like, she literally. She has her head in his lap this episode. And they're saying when they're sad and.
But there's an intimacy between them that you would think that is a normal show. Yeah. They're gonna hook up at some point.
Trae:Well, and he's talking about, like, his dad. I'm thinking you're part of the same family. There should at least be some sort of. Oh, your dad is my uncle. Twice.
Jack:No.
Trae:But an episode that relates around the fact that these people are blood relatives and they completely just ignore that. That thought of like some long lost family member coming back. Nope.
Patrick W.:But they really wrote themselves in a corner.
Trae:Yeah.
Trae:Because you can't have them screw around.
Patrick W.:Yeah. But the energy is there and the audience clearly, if you don't know, is going to be like, why isn't this happening? Why are they not hitting on it?
Why are they not hitting what's happening? What's happening that should be happening? But anyway, it didn't happen.
Maya:Also, this episode, I noticed a big tone shift. Like there weren't any jokes. There wasn't a side plot like Birdie, anything like that.
Patrick W.:We had Birdie adjacent. Birdie's running the hospital now.
Maya:Right. But this one was just straight drama. We didn't get as much camp as we usually get.
Trae:I thought that it was that way. A really good episode because it's a fast moving episode and the villain is pretty memorable.
Maya:It's fast moving until like the final 10 minutes and then it's just like so much pain walking down a hallway.
Patrick W.:I noticed. I forgot to mention this last time, but last episode I said they gave a shit.
Patrick:Yeah.
Patrick W.:For that episode.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick W.:They gave a shit for this. I mean, it's still stupid and it's poorly written or wonkily written, but you can see the people involved, like, they're working on it.
You can see they're working. Yeah. Now all of a sudden people are committed and not just tossing off lines and.
Trae:Yeah.
Trae:Maybe it's just because seven episodes started to find their groove.
Patrick W.:Six episodes, seven episodes. They realize, okay, we got picked up. How many actually work.
Trae:Yeah. But going back to the episode.
Patrick W.:Yeah. Unfortunately, Jack gets involved in jackets into a problem.
Trae:Well, first, the more.
Maya:Yeah, first is.
Patrick W.:Oh, God. God. Oh, God. See, I completely.
Maya:Yeah. No. The doctor is chasing Ryan, and then Ryan hides in a morgue drawer, but we don't know which one.
So Dr. Howlett opens a drawer without checking the face and just starts stabbing the body in the drawer.
Trae:And it's an old man.
Maya:And it's an old man.
Patrick W.:Michael Myers fell for the same trick.
Patrick:Man.
Patrick W.:Jamie Lee Curtis pulled around screaming like,.
Maya:The doctor runs off when he sees Micki. And then Ryan's like, mickey.
Ryan:Micki, let me out. I'm in here. Micki. Micki, I'm in here.
Micki:Ryan.
Ryan:Micki.
Jack:Oh,.
Trae:But when Maya. But when you call this a drawer, you're spot on because it's a wooden drawer and there's no cooling in the morgue. So, like, when you open it, it's.
Maya:Just, like, Props didn't have the budget for a real morgue refrigerator.
Patrick W.:No. And that guy got stabbed, like, 14 times. And they pulled back the sheet. Nothing.
Maya:No, nothing. He's fine. Don't worry about it.
Trae:And it's like a wooden drawer.
Maya:Yep.
Trae:Yeah, it's.
Knife Store Jim:Yeah.
Trae:So budget. Yeah. And Jack gets. Gets hurt.
Patrick W.:Oh, yeah. I wanted to back up for just a second. I don't know if you caught this. The lady, sad lady with the gun.
Trae:Oh. Oh, yes. Okay.
Maya:Chekhov's gun lady.
Patrick W.:Chekhov's gun lady. She has an envelope full of clippings.
Maya:Oh. Full of pictures of her daughter. And newspaper clippings about Dr. Howlett.
Patrick W.:Did you catch the top newspaper clipping headline?
Maya:No. You'll have to tell me what it says.
Patrick W.:It says, death stalks the hallways. Not death stalks the hallways. Death Stocks the hallways.
Maya:Stocks. Like stocks and bonds. Oh, man.
Patrick W.:And right there, bang. Like. Wait a minute. That's not right.
Maya:Speaking of Props not having the budget. Oh, my goodness.
Trae:That must be how they pronounce it in Canada.
Patrick W.:You see? Like death, like Little apron with his little guns.
Maya:Oh, no.
Patrick W.:I traded my stick on my stick off the Pay the rent, and I was pricing stock and all so stupid. I was very happy with that.
Maya:Okay, so Jack fights the doctor, right?
Trae:Actually, he gets a scuffle.
Maya:There's a scuffle.
Trae:I'll give it some punches in. I was.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick W.:There is a scuffle. And a scuffle. I just said a scuffle. There's a scuffle. And a scalpel.
Maya:Scalpel. Scalpel. Scalpel.
Patrick W.:It's the vessel with the pestle, not.
Maya:The flagging with the dragon.
Patrick W.:Maya gets me.
Maya:I got you. I got you right here. I got Danny K for you for days. Young Angela Lansbury is metal.
Patrick W.:Absolutely. Yes. There is a scuffle and Jack's dangling from an elevator cable. As one does, like you do, and the other Jack. Jack V. Jack.
Trae:Wannabe Jack.
Maya:Too many Jacks.
Micki:Yeah.
Patrick W.:Versus Jack. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. And then he gets slices to the table with his magic ginzoon.
Jack:Yeah.
Trae:And Jack falls down, down.
Maya:The elevator trap.
Trae:Well, I'm assuming after that the doctor just walks away. Is totally oblivious to what happens next because Jack's now being prepped for surgery.
Maya:Yeah. The hospital's like, oh, guy in our elevator shaft. That makes sense. We're not going to investigate this at all.
Trae:And so I have a note written down. I wrote, I don't think this episode understands how hospital admin works because I don't think this is how.
Patrick W.:Do you live in Canada? Do you have universal healthcare? Do you know how they work? You don't know. You don't know.
Trae:I'm not.
Patrick W.:We don't know. And we skipped the scene. We skipped the scene. Which actually I thought was a great scene. The scene where Jack goes in interviews, check off gun lady.
Maya:Oh, the gun lady.
Trae:Yeah.
Patrick:Okay.
Trae:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good.
Jean:I remember when she was just a.
Patrick W.:Little baby,.
Jean:So shy. She bury herself in my skirts if anyone talked to her. And he carved her up.
Patrick W.:I realized when I watched it the second time, I know her, she used to be on Avonlea, that spin off of Anne of Green Gables, when they made it a series. Yeah, she's a regular on that.
Maya:Wow. I thought she looked familiar too. I watched that when I was a kid.
Patrick W.:Oh, I still watch Anne. I am proud to say I love that whole Anne of Green Gables series. Except when she went and fought Nazis. That was stupid. But then those first two.
Megan follows Glorious Queen. To quote Anthony Hudson from Gay Voice of Darkness. Glorious queen. Yeah. But no, she's got. She's scheduled to create team.
That's when we find out that this guy, that the doctor, killed her daughter. And she's been following him ever since. And she's like, I didn't know this happened. Everywhere he goes, the trail of death.
And her monologue is very well done.
Jean:She was in med school, wanted to be a doctor like him. She worshiped him, read every book he wrote. When she heard he was coming to town, she went off to where he was staying.
Said she talked to him if it was the last thing she did to him. The phone rings, they found her in an alley. Most of her
Jack:Jean how did you know it was Howlett?
Jean:I didn't know.
Jack:But the cops.
Jean:The cops have nothing. I had to do something. So I started following him.Keeping tabs
Jack:the clippings you had i your bag
Jean:everywhere he went. Another killing or two, there's no big deal, just back page stuff. I just kept waiting for him to make that one slip so someone would listen to me.
But he was too smart.
Jean:And I couldnt let it go on
Patrick W.:She's got a face that's. That reads pain. Anyway, so I'm going, oh, gosh, I feel really bad for this lady and I know she's gonna croak.
I know how to show she's gonna croak.
Trae:She has that doom hanging over her. But she is very sympathetic and they make her more than just one note crazy.
Patrick W.:She's like, I'm playing this for. I'm not, I'm not. She wasn't sitting back in the laurels. I think I'm in some shitty show in a stupid part. She was very committed to that daughter.
I felt. I felt all that. It was good. Yeah, well done. Something funny did happen. Hold on a second. Oh, she was explaining.
She's like, well, my daughter was in medical school and she was, oh, taken with Dr. Howard.
Maya:She idolized him.
Patrick W.:She idolized him. And when he came to town, she went to meet him where he was staying. I'm like, oh, your daughter's a hoe. Your daughter ho. Not the hospital.
No, not in the TV station you went to. Where who's staying.
Trae:She's a surgeon groupie.
Maya:Surgeon groupie.
Patrick W.:I don't wanna. I want to be victim planning.
Trae:And she died and she has got.
Patrick W.:Her ass called up. So now flashing back to after Jack has his accident. Evil doctor has to recharge his evil slicing knife. Just go out cruising for victim.
Trae:Wait, wait. First they tell him, we need you in surgery. And he's like.
Maya:And he's like, I can't operate.
Patrick W.:He'd already clear his calendar. He already cleared his calendar that this is the time I gotta go out. This is slashing time, killing time.
Trae:And she's like. And the hospital administrator woman who I really love is like, no, we hired you for a reason.
Doctor Patricia:We need you to operate tonight.
Doctor Howlett:I'm not available.
Doctor Patricia:I thought you'd jump at the chance to do this one.
Doctor Howlett:Why? Who is it?
Doctor Patricia:It's no one important. Just one of those patients that you profess to care so much about who has no chance of living unless. Unless you perform a miracle.
Doctor Howlett:I can't operate tonight.
Doctor Patricia:You're here to turn the reputation of this hospital around, Vince. And this surgery is precisely what will put Ravenbrook back on the map.
Doctor Howlett:There'll be other cases.
Doctor Patricia:Yes, there will be, but I'm afraid the press has got hold of this one. They're already here expecting to see the miracle man in action.
Doctor Patricia:I know you won't disappoint them.
Trae:And then she says, you know, the newspapers have already been notified and they're waiting to see what happens.
Maya:Oh. He asks who the patient is, and he says, just another patient you claim to love so.
Patrick W.:Well, no one famous,.
Trae:But then it's just. How has a PR learned about this?
Maya:Because he has a perfect record.
Patrick W.:Sure. I'm sure they have, like, some. They have people at the hospital that we have something that's perfect for him. This guy's gonna die.
He's got a bubble in his heart. There's a girl with really big hair in the waiting room. You gotta come check it out.
Trae:Really poorly. Run. I I, it was told.
Patrick W.:Well, they do say it's a shitty hospital.
Maya:They do say, oh, what is it? It's a bird. The hospital's a bird.
Trae:Ravenwood something.
Patrick W.:Raven.
Trae:Raven.
Patrick W.:Her something.
Trae:Yeah, it had, like, no problem and.
Patrick W.:Incidents and bills gone missing and even a few malpractice suits. Has malpractice suits for.
Maya:Yeah, that's, that's how business works.
Trae:Yeah. So he's been brought up to bring up the patish of the hospital, and he's just like, I can't save him. Sorry.
Patrick W.:Yeah, but he still has to get. But he's like, all right, well, I gotta go out and quick charge this bitch. And he's got, he's, he's got his eyes. He's, he's out.
He's out stalking the streets dressed like Carmen Sandiego meets Inspector Gadget. Like, there's nothing about this effort that doesn't scream, I am a murderer.
Maya:I am about to murder someone. I'm looking as sketchy as possible.
Like the neighborhood crime watch signs where it's like a guy in a fedora and his face is shadow and you can see his trench coat collar. Like that's what he looks like.
Patrick W.:Yeah, like any. If you think spy, like a cartoon of a spine. That's it.
Maya:Yeah.
Patrick W.:He's got the murder trench coat on, he's got the murder hat on, and he's got sunglasses on at night. And he's not Cory Hart. Nope.
Trae:So he sees a phone booth with the most.
Patrick W.:No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm pointing at my Name? No.
Trae:No.
Patrick W.:Because he sees a young teenager skateboarding all by himself at night. And he's going up, he's going up, he's going. His snippets moving in. He's moving. I'm like wiggling really disturbingly. And I'm watching myself.
Maya:I vouch for the wiggle. The wiggle's upsetting
Patrick W.:And just as he's about to strike you hear.
Flower Guy:Hey, Skippy, let's go to Heidi's house.
Flower Guy:Her parents are gone for the night. Right on. Let's go.
Patrick W.:Hey, Skippy.
Micki:No.
Maya:Skippy are friends. No.
Ryan:Why?
Trae:Oh, man.
Patrick W.:Hey, Skippy. Hide. His parents are away for the night. She's having the party. You want to come? He goes, right on. Okay, first of all, the skater's name was Skippy.
Skippy the Scam Skater.
Maya:Thanks, writers.
Patrick W.: n't been said by anyone since: Maya:We can't all be Diablo Cody.
Patrick W.:No, Skippy.
Maya:Maybe he got caught, like, fucking a jar of peanut butter. And now his name is Skippy Forever.
Trae:He has a nickname.
Patrick W.:I mean, he was really poor and all of his records didn't play right.
Maya:I like mine better.
Patrick W.:I was trying to not go blue for change. Thank you, Maya. What happens? I don't go blue. I don't. It means things that people don't know who I am anymore.
Maya:No, it means you left blue available on the table. So I took it.
Patrick:Yep.
Maya:Yep.
Patrick W.:Then he goes to the phone booth. Trae, please carry on.
Trae:And there's a woman who could only be a prostitute.
Maya: A: Patrick W.:Oh.
Trae:And she strikes a pose. She's just like, hands on her hip.
Maya:Hey, sailor.
Patrick W.:My mark is here.
Maya:I see you. You are looking for me. And he's like, ready to stab her.
Patrick W.:I met her camera mark. My came is here. I hit it.
Maya:Beeper goes off.
Patrick W.:No, no, no.
Trae:Wait, wait, wait. He's.
Patrick W.:Because I got something.
Trae:He's 30ft away and he pulls a scalpel out.
Maya:No, reach on a scalpel, bud.
Patrick W.:And she sees it and runs right.
Trae:Inside of a building right next door.
Patrick W.:Yeah, that's what I wrote down. Like, try not pulling your knife out when you're 150ft away from your victim.
Trae:I'll get to this later. But he's really bad at this.
Maya:He's really bad at this.
Patrick W.:Then she runs into the building that's right there. I'm like, so you're hooking right in front of your own house? That's not how that works either.
Trae:Well, maybe it's like the hotel and she's just, you know.
Patrick W.:No, no, no.
Trae:And then his beeper goes off.
Patrick W.:I used to work for a hooker booker, so. I was a hooker booker, so I know how that works. It's not how that works. Okay, well, you don't want them to know where you live. You know, you don't.
Or you don't want the police, but. Yeah. Saved by the beeper. Could there be a more 80s way to be saved?
Maya:No, no, no. There could not.
Patrick W.:Only if Toto came in and broke it up by thinking Africa would only put Duran Duran.
Maya:Africa. Africa lives again, man. Africa is no longer dated.
Patrick W.:For some of us, it never was.
Trae:But we go to crazy gun lady who's like. I guess an orderly is watching her,.
Maya:And she's like, oh, my straps are too tight. They're cutting off the circulation in my arm. Could you.
Trae:Could you be a deer and loosen them?
Maya:And then she cracks the orderly over the head with a vase that she can reach.
Trae:So I guess he didn't loosen them as much as just undo them.
Maya:Undo them entirely.
Patrick W.:One of the things Mild sidebar. One of the things I love. If you ever get a chance to read a Joss Whedon script, read it because comment. Like, his stage directions are hilarious.
And this orderly reminded me of that. I remember there was one. It was like, Xander hides behind a crate. Two soldiers pass. They say nothing because they are extras. There's this guy.
Ryan:She's having.
Patrick W.:She's rambling on, so she's like, just. Please. The guy's just sitting there doing nothing. Like, extra.
Trae:Doesn't say word.
Maya:We don't. We don't have it in the budget to upgrade him. You can't talk.
Patrick W.:I can't respond.
Patrick:I can't.
Patrick W.:I can't. I'm an extra.
Patrick W.:I can't.
Patrick W.:I can't say anything. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't have any lines. I don't have any lines.
Trae:Because he's just there reading right next to her bed as, like, security or.
Maya:You're trying to make sense out of the hospital again. Stop it.
Trae:Bad hospital administration. Once again, hospital administration not a good use of resources.
Patrick W.:Don't hire extras as orderlys
Trae:Must not pay him that much. If you got time to lean, you got time to clean.
Patrick W.:So Jack, it turns out, is very, very, very, very ill. We may need.
Micki:One of you to sign the release for surgery.
Jack:Surgery? Is it that serious?
Micki:Yes, I'm afraid it's very serious.
Maya:Yeah. Turns out falling down an elevator shaft is bad for you.
Doctor Patricia:Mr. Marshak has an abdominal aortic aneurysm.
Micki:What?
Micki:What is that?
Doctor Patricia:Well, it's a weakness in the artery leading from the heart, probably due to the severity of his fall. It's like a bubble waiting to explode. It's almost always fatal.
Ryan:Well, what can you do?
Doctor Patricia:Operate as soon as possible possible. Fortunately, we now have the best surgeon in the country on call. He's agreed to do the surgery tonight with your consent.
Now, you may have heard of him, he's something of a miracle worker.
Trae:He has an abdominal aortic aneurysm. So also in this hospital, the head of the hospital talks to the patients directly and is like, yeah, this is almost fatal.
Yeah, he's probably gonna die, but we have a miracle worker.
Patrick W.:Well, that's what I loved about her. She came up, she's like, does Jack have any family? And the two of them say, well, we're his family. Oh, well, that's good.
Maya:I mean, the first thing they say is, no, well, we're his family.
Patrick W.:We might need. We might need to sign for the surgery for the release for surgery. And she goes. Micki goes, surgery?
Micki:Surgery.
Patrick W.:What can be that odd? He fell down and it's that serious? I'll come back and tell you more later. What?
Patrick:No.
Patrick W.:Your friend needs surgery.
Patrick:Gotta go.
Patrick W.:Bye.
Trae:Well, Micki's like. He feels an elevator shaft. She's like, wait, he has to have surgery? She said surgery, not heart transplant.
But Micki's reacting like, this is just the end times.
Ryan:Yeah, but.
Patrick W.:Yeah, whatever this is, it's like a bubble. And it's a little bubble in your bloodstream near your heart. Like, if it pops, it will kill you. So it is very serious.
Maya:Like in the remake of the Omen.
Patrick W.:They don't talk about the remake of the Omen, thank you very much.
Trae:Hey, Julia Stiles is doing it.
Maya:Julia Stiles.
Trae:Now, Mia Farrow came out of retirement to be in that movie.
Maya:But we have David Thewlis. David Thewlis is my man.
Patrick W.:Julia Stiles is like watching paint dry. I can't stand her David Thewlis.
Maya:I stand David Thewlis forever.
Trae:We have Liev Schreiber.
Patrick W.:Let's fight. He's all right. He's funny and he's great on stage. One of the few Hollywood people that could do both very well.
Maya:Yes, except he don't care with him for a while. And that was very frustrating.
Trae:He was actually in Parker Posey's Party Girl. That's my first song. You ever see Party Girl?
Patrick W.:That was a lot of alliteration.
Trae:Parker Posey's Party Girl.
Patrick W.:From Kenner.
Maya:Where were we?
Patrick W.:I don't know.
Trae:Having a surgery.
Patrick W.:Jack's having to go to surgery, so of course we're devolving into absolute hysteria. And so he's like, oh, he didn't. He didn't get to charge the scalpel,.
Trae:But it still worked.
Maya:Murder, knife, battery. Yeah.
Patrick W.:And so we had some really, like, grim trying to be going for the Canadian. Whatever the Emmy award is up there.
Micki:You never know how much somebody means to you, and so you just might.
Ryan:Me and my folks, we never got along. Always treated me like I had a screw loose. They never let me do anything important.
Jack, he was the first one to act like I had something on the ball.
Trae:Oh, no, wait. Because. No, first we have. Wait, wait. First Ryan steals the scalpel and then he's talking to Micki and she's like,.
Patrick W.:Off the sink that he just put down.
Maya:He put it down and the other doctors are like, scrubbing in, washing their hands. And Ryan has dressed up in scrubs that he's stolen from the hospital to get into this room.
And he steals the scalpel and then Micki is like, like, you have to give it back.
Trae:We can't let Jack die. And they both have, like a big moral ethical quandary.
Maya:Oh, yeah, yeah. My notes just say, greater good in all caps.
Jack:Ryan, I've been thinking. No matter what happens to Jack, we can't let Alec get away. I mean, if there were to be any more killings, it would be our fault.
That would be the last thing Jack would want.
Patrick W.:I was like, it's the gift of the magi, but with really big hair.
Trae:So I guess in this case, the needs of the one don't outweigh the needs of the Mini.
Patrick W.:Yeah.
Maya:Well, if Jack isn't here to Jack's plane, then what do we do next.
Trae:When Jack's not around, these two fall apart.
Maya:Yes, they do.
Patrick W.:They're dead before they get home.
Maya:Yeah, they're like, how do we. How do we drive?
Trae:So then the doctor is flipping out trying to find his scalpel.
Maya:Yeah, where's my scalpel? It was right here. And the head of medicine is like, you are needed.
Patrick W.:Where all the other fucking medical instruments are being sanitized to be able to.
Trae:Find it just pops up like, oh, I found this for you, and walks off.
Maya:I think this is yours. The doctor's like.
Trae:And he just, like, exits fast.
Maya:Exits fast into surgery, starts doing surgery again.
Patrick W.:Didn't sterilize it. Somebody else had it. Could have been doing magic.
Maya:It's magic.
Trae:Once again, this hospital has bad administration.
Patrick W.:So it's the bacteria that's actually does the healing.
Maya:It's the magic glowing bacteria from the civil war.
Trae:Sure.
Patrick:I was.
Patrick W.:Yeah.
Trae:Huh?
Patrick W.:I was going to say. Or mitochondrians.
Maya:Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
Patrick W.:No, not that. In them.
Patrick:Mitochlorians.
Maya:Midichlorians.
Trae:Midi chlorians. The Jedi.
Maya:Yeah. You can only talk about midi chlorians if you're talking into a lady shick. That's. That's how I received that message.
Patrick W.:Hold on a second. Hold on. Oh, God. My manscaper is over here. So you're not wrong. Don't ask why it's over there. I was doing a commercial for them.
Maya:I'm gonna put my questions back into my pocket. So the doctor starts performing surgery on Jack, but there's a blanket over his. Business as usual, right?
But then the anesthesiologist moves the blanket, and the doctor can see that he's operating on Jack. And he's like, no, the guy.
Patrick W.:I can't let him die. I want to let him die, but I can't let him die because the.
Maya:Audience, the press is here, but it's.
Patrick W.:Like, I'm the Patti LuPone of the surgery world. Stop taking pictures right now.
Maya:Who do you think you are, Ray?
Patrick W.:I don't know if you've noticed. You're the anchor.
Trae:This whole thing.
Maya:He's like, I'm sorry. I can talk about Patti LuPone forever.
Patrick W.:Oh, I just want to go back to, like, these. These. These going for the Oscars monologues that Micki Orion have in the waiting room. Oh, yeah, and they're all sitting.
Maya:I don't think you have enough time with someone.
Patrick W.:And then you're like, even her hair looks sad. It was, like, really sad. And then he goes, jack's.
I mean, Ryan says, Jack was the first one to ever act like I had something on the ball, that I wasn't a complete waste.
Maya:When does he act that way? I have not seen that episode.
Patrick W.:You have nothing on the ball. Honey, honey, honey. You left the teacup on the counter. Go get potato chips. You are not on the ball.
Trae:Nope. No, you are not.
Patrick W.:Like, man, that does the work that Jack doesn't have to do. He's like, okay, you guys go get it. I'm gonna be upstairs watch in my AOL Bear Chat room.
Trae:Yeah, because Ryan is a up. All right, Ryan. Your dad was right.
Patrick W.:They were committed to it. They were committed to. I was very impressed with.
Trae:But so then Jack is saved without the use of a magic knife.
Doctor Patricia:Mr. Marshak is in post op until the anesthetic wears off. You can see him then.
Micki:Oh, thank God.
Ryan:Where's Howlett?
Doctor Patricia:Dr. Howlett? Why?
Ryan:We just want to thank him for all the help he's getting.
Doctor Patricia:Oh, well, I left him in scrub. He probably wants to have a look at his patient before he leaves. He wants. Wanted to supervise the post op personally,.
Maya:But no with the use of the magic knife.
Trae:Well, yeah, yeah, but the magic knife didn't use its magic to save him because it was out of charge, wasn't it?
Maya:I think the rules are ambiguous here. I think Jack benefited from the magic knife.
Patrick W.:I think it had enough, and he had to make the decision whether to let him die and embarrass himself publicly.
Trae:But we also have Chekhov's gun lady.
Maya:Yeah, yeah, that's what my notes say. Chekhov's gun lady, exclamation point. She comes back ready to shoot the doctor again.
Patrick W.:She shows up in the surgical theater. She's got her popcorn. She's got.
Trae:Before that, though, she has to get her. Her clothes.
Patrick W.:Oh, with bitches from bitch nurse.
Maya:Yeah, so a nurse is, like, on the phone dealing with.
I don't even remember what, completely oblivious to Chekhov's gun lady sneaking around in the back room like Bugs Bunny getting her shit out of a locker.
Nurse:I'm sorry. Dr. Masten is here.
Nurse:He's been waiting for 20 minutes, and.
Nurse:The ambulance hasn't arrived.
Nurse:Well, I've called down to emergency, and they don't know anything about it either. What do you want me to do about it?
Nurse:All right, I'll give him a call, but this is the second time this has happened this week. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do about it. Well, you can talk to my superior. Fine.
Patrick W.:From the locker. From the locker. In huge letters that says patience belongs.
Trae:And has a padlock on it.
Maya:Oh, yeah, she just opens the padlock, no problem.
Trae:The key. How'd she get the key? And the nurse doesn't hear any of these, even though she's like six feet behind. Her bad. Really run hospital.
Patrick W.:And she was complaining about some problem hospital. She's like, well, I don't know where the damn doctor is. This keeps happening. I don't know where the. I don't know where the ambulance is at.
Maya:Hospital administration. What can you say?
Patrick W.:Well, you can talk to my supervisor then. Fine.
Trae:Talk to my supervisor. That's fine.
Maya:Good luck finding them.
Patrick W.:Like, clearly, she's not from Canada.
Maya:Oh, yeah. Bitchy American and poor into the Canadian hospital.
Patrick W.:That's why the system collapsed.
Maya:Ah, the American. That'll do it.
Trae:Yeah. Goddamn Americans.
Maya:Goddamn Americans.
Patrick:And after all, this is when Chekhov's gun lady finally gets to confront Dr. Jack herself. And it doesn't go well for her.
Jean:You turn around and face me.
Doctor Howlett:I take it you don't want my autograph.
Jean:You killed my daughter. Now it's your turn.
Doctor Howlett:Come closer.
Doctor Howlett:You don't want to miss now.
Doctor Howlett:Yes, that's right, Jack.
Jean:Don't mind me.
Jean:Get howlett!
Patrick:Fortunately, she's not killed, though. She's. She's wounded. But her screaming, go after him at the end is absolutely fabulous.
Patrick W.:Good for her.
Trae:But. So the doctor. I just got to where the doctors chasing after Ryan and.
Maya:Oh, and that's when we reuse the sign that says close to everyone, but the sign has been ripped in half. So it's in this stairwell that goes back down into the creepy boiler room.
Patrick W.:This. I might as well said, not that stairwell from before.
Maya:Yeah, not that stairwell. Different stairwell. Look, you can tell from this half a sign that we didn't see earlier.
Trae:So Ryan and Micki go down there after the doctor, and I have. The doctor jumps on Ryan's back, but doesn't stab him. Yeah, the doctor's trying to kill.
Patrick W.:There's a lot of that. I mean, there's a point where they do knock the doctor out, and then they just take the scalpel. They just ran away.
Maya:I'm like, yeah, they knocked the doctor out. They had the distraction of Chekhov's gun lady that they just leave by the doctor, and then they run away without taking the scalpel.
Trae:Like, what's your in game? He's unconscious with a scalpel. You're there to get the scalpel.
Maya:They lock a door, leaving him with the scalpel, and he cuts through the metal door in a big circle for effect. And you can tell the special effects team is having such a good time.
Patrick W.:Those look great. All those spark effects look great. There's a part where he attacks Micki where she holds up a garbage can.
Maya:Line, and it's just cuts right down the middle. It looks so cool.
Patrick W.:It looks great. And it's sparking like crazy. I'm like, I don't know how you guys did that, because that looked great.
Trae:Yeah. And when he's cut through the door, you see on their side, just like.
Patrick W.:This ring Beginning of aliens. But they were cutting at Danny Weaver from the ship. Three minutes. Yeah. It's great.
Maya:It looked. It looked so good.
Patrick W.:Did you notice the graffiti?
Maya:The graffiti said eat, and I couldn't figure out what the second word was.
Patrick W.:Eat some.
Maya:Eat some. Not eat all. Eat some. Thank you.
Patrick W.:But it was one. It was. You can only see it through a round window. And I'm like, eat some what? Eat some what? Sidebar, Maya.
If you ever happen to see Friday the 13th Part 8, Jason takes Manhattan, which wasn't shot in Manhattan, it was mostly shot in Toronto.
Maya:Like, you do.
Patrick W.:There's a scene in the subways, the subway station. And the subway is all filled with graffiti. You just look at the graffiti going. Canadians do this graffiti.
It's all, like, really nice smiley stuff and, like, really bizarre things. Like, have a great day.
Trae:Wow.
Patrick W.:I love cookies. I'm like, wow. Wow. It's like two colors of paint. Like, in every place in New York,.
Maya:We want to tell you to fuck off in, like, three different languages.
Trae:This one says, have a nice day in three different languages.
Maya:Oh, yeah, that's got to be Canadian.
Patrick W.:But anyway, back to this. Yeah.
Maya:Eat some. Yeah. So cut through the trash lid. Cut through the door. And then Ryan tells Micki to hide behind a copier that has a. What's it called?
The shocky thing?
Trae:The paddle.
Maya:Paddle machine on top of a copier.
Trae:Defibrillator. The defibrillator.
Maya:Is that a defibrillator?
Patrick W.:No. Yeah, we call the copier.
Trae:Well, apparently, it's still plugged in.
Maya:Apparently it's still plugged in. Even though it's not lit up. It doesn't look.
Patrick W.:Even though no personnel are allowed to.
Maya:Yeah, it's totally still plugged in, though. So then Micki hides behind it. Ryan throws a. A bin onto the doctor, which he walks around like a squirrel on his head.
Like a squirrel with his head stuck in a can.
Trae:That's funny.
Ryan:And then he.
Maya:He punches Ryan. Doesn't stab him. And Robey's like, you forgot there were two of us.
Micki:
You forget there's two of us.
Doctor Howlett:You forget.
Doctor Howlett:Oh,.
Doctor Howlett:How could I forget you?
Doctor Howlett:I'm just saving the best for last.
Trae:I'm just saving the best for last.
Patrick W.:Oh, no.
Maya:And he's, like, making the, like, really, like, sexual predator eyes, coming at her with the. The stabby scalpel.
Trae:And she turns into Mr. Miyagi because he goes for it, and she just. At the right minute, it takes the paddles and clamps it on his hand.
Maya:So he's electrified through the scalpel. But the Special effects look like big trouble in Little China. There's all these, like, bolts all over his face and body as he's shot.
Patrick W.:It's the 80s. That's how it was in everything.
Maya:Okay, okay, if you say so.
Patrick W.:That ended thing was later stolen for Dr. Giggles. Oh, it was. I hate that Dr. Giggles dies as well. That's what Dr. Giggles does.
Maya:Yeah, that's how Dr.
Patrick W.:You know, pushing out my glasses on my nose. Oh, Allison Nowaki is crying somewhere for the death of Dr. Gaggles right now. She doesn't know why.
I just wanted her when she clamped down the defibrillator. This is a callback. This is a deep callback. She clapped in the.
Before she did it, she had at least one good line, like one good, you know, quip, which didn't just be like, I saved the best for last. And she goes, I get my kick in the neck up, sunshine.
Maya:No, I believe Patrick is doing the famed Ron Perlman version.
Patrick W.:I can't buy kicks from the neck up.
Maya:But also, I want to say that we said the murder weapon gets charged like a battery, and the doctor was defeated with electricity.
Trae:Irony.
Maya:I'm not sure if that's irony, but it seemed consistent. It seemed like effort from the writers, and I liked that.
Patrick W.:Yeah, they're probably just like, okay, so what happens?
Maya:Okay, so this is totally plugged in, right? That makes sense. That's how a hospital runs. Hospitals are totally like this. Yeah, that's fine.
Trae:Once again, I'm pointing to my.
Maya:He keeps pointing to his login that says bad hospital admin. Yes, yes, yes. Everyone in that hospital should be fired.
Trae:Pretty much.
Maya:Oh, oh, oh, oh, no. When we see the doctor, he has stabbed himself. He's been electrocuted. But then he. His final act is to get the scalpel into his own heart.
Patrick W.:Just like that midget.
Maya:Just like that.
Patrick W.:Fallen on. The only difference is, apparently evil doctors don't turn into a headband and glitter.
Trae:Yeah, that's very cool if you did.
Maya:I want to disappear in a pile of glitter when I die.
Patrick W.:Is anybody following this, listeners? Is anybody following this?
Trae:Isolation has gotten to Patrick. We've lost.
Patrick W.:Can you imagine that? It happened. People were like, what? We got it.
Maya:Two. Two people out there are smiling right now being like, yes, I. I understand what just happened.
Patrick W.:You have to go listen to Helloween if you have it. Let's do it already. If you're not listening to, I got nothing. All right, okay, so now we have the tag scene.
And like I said, this has happened a few times now. This happened in the last episode, too. That. That all of a sudden they, like, switched outfits. Like, Micki looked like an.
That whole episode last time. Sure. For that last taxi. She looked amazing. It was kind of a variation on the. On the effort. She's wearing this one and then Ryan. And Ryan looked.
Okay, he just had that T shirt.
Trae:No, he looked like Ward Cleaver. He had like. Like that little, like a. I was.
Patrick W.:Talking about last episode, you know, he had. Okay, they kind of, like switched. All of a sudden that she looks good. And now this. They did it again. I'm like, oh, my God. What? That is.
First of all, she's wearing, like, in living colored Banshee Girl earrings. Honey, you were like, 10 years ahead of trend. Right on. Big, thick, chunky. I was like, oh, my God. Yeah.
Trae:And Ryan's got, like, a really wide card.
Patrick W.:I'm like, what's happening? Where are you going? Who is this woman? Where is she going?
Trae:But Ryan's got, like a cardigan on. It's like really wide over, like, a shirt and a tie.
Patrick W.:But he looks. He looked like a slob the whole episode. All of a sudden, he looks sharp.
Patrick:And then.
Patrick W.:Okay, this is the America reference, you know, because they're wheeling Jack around in a wheelchair and they're doing the usual quips. Oh, wow, this is. This is great. We killed somebody. Hooray. We don't have to call the police because Canada, there's no investigation.
Us who keep having dead people follow us around. No, we are investigating, but, yeah, they're having a little quip session.
Micki:Good to have you back.
Micki:We missed you.
Ryan:Thank you, my dear. Micki, no more hospitals for on that scalpel, I hope. By the way, you did put it away.
Jack:Yes, Jack, we put it in the vault safe and sound.
Jack:I think it's high time that I went back to work.
Ryan:No, you hold on now. You want to go anywhere, you let me know. I'll wheel you there.
Jack:This is perfectly ridiculous, Ryan. I'm capable of going under my own steam.
Ryan:You heard what the doctor said.
Jack:Do you think I'm ever going to want to hear what a doctor says again?
Ryan:Now, Howlett did a good job. Are you kidding? I mean, best part of all is with him out of the way, he won't be sending you a bill.
Patrick W.:At least the one good thing to come out of it is you don't have to worry about him sending you a bill. And then there's a big pause and they go like a Canadian. Jo just laughs like a Canadian. I realized.
Okay, first of all, you have Universal health care. He's not sending a bill.
Trae:Ah, there you go. Yeah.
Patrick W.:So that was there for us. Oh, he's sending a bill. We must be in America.
Micki:Ah,.
Maya:Clever.
Patrick W.:And then there's that pause and they yell. But they're like, we're not in America.
Trae:And they also mentioned that Chekhov's Gun lady has been flown now back to see her family. And she'll be fine. She got what she came for. Okay. It's like, okay, so she's.
Maya:She got some closure. Yeah. No, because she definitely had that, like, is going to die doom on her face.
Trae:And she seemed very emotionally stable through the whole episode. So I'm glad that she's, you know, Jack says she's gonna be fine.
Patrick W.:I was glad she didn't. I was glad she didn't. Because I'm like, I hate when the victim. Really victimly ones become victims. It's just like addict.
Maya:Oh, yeah, that's.
Patrick W.:That's easy prey. Easy prey. And I was also going, that head doctor who's not taking it, she's gonna wind up on the slab too. Nope.
Trae:No. They only had one. One person died in this episode.
Patrick W.:Yeah, okay. The Queer Connection.
Trae:Yeah. Yeah.
Patrick W.:That would be Dr. Howland himself. Oh, really? That would be Cliff Gorman. Cliff Gorman. Quite a huge star in the 70s. Leading roles in Night of the Juggler, Ghost Dog, all that Jazz.
Maya:He's in all that Jazz. Damn.
Patrick W.:And Boys in the Band, both on Broadway.
Doctor Howlett:Oh, really?
Patrick W.:Victim of the 80s gay paranoia scare all of a sudden. His, like, just the year before this, like, his. It was like, like, credit, credit, credit, credit. Good stuff. And then after this, nothing.
This is like the last thing.
Maya:That's awful.
Trae:That's too bad.
Patrick W.:Yeah.
Trae:He was good at this. He was a good villain.
Patrick W.:And he's from Queens. Hey, but no, but I'm glad. I'm glad I looked that up. And Dr. Patricia was in Funeral home with Leslie Donaldson.
Trae:I need to watch that.
Patrick W.:I saw it once a long time ago and I don't remember liking it, but I'll give it another go.
Maya:Just.
Trae:I watch. I watched Curtains a few weeks ago and.
Patrick W.:Weird Movie. We're not talking about that. We're not talking about. Okay. Celebrity castings, alternate curses. Why do we have kids?
Trae:Not alternate curses.
But I was really hoping that the doc, the hospital admin lady was gonna find the knife, realize what it was, kill him and try to take over, but that didn't happen. But the hospital admin reminded me of the admin from Nightmare on The Street Part 3. Dream Warriors.
Patrick W.:Okay.
Trae:Okay, but that's not really alternate curses or alternate casting.
Patrick W.:But it's not. But you tried. You tried. I would have. It's not. I don't even have an alternate cast. I had one earlier when you were talking about stuff.
I'll probably fix it in post when I remember again, when you're talking about Dr. Patricia. But I said I would have liked to have seen Dr. Jacqueline. The Jack. The R figures are always male. There's no reason. I mean, it's.
Jack:It's.
Maya:We weren't ready for that in the 80s. They're not.
Patrick W.: It was: Maya: at would be some, like, early: Trae:Mila Kunis.
Maya:The first. It's Mila Kunis. I didn't watch it.
Trae:The second one. Oh, you mean part. Part American Psycho 2? Yeah, I think it's Mila Kunis in American Psycho, too.
Patrick W.:She's one of them. She did one of those weird sequels, and it might have been that one.
Maya: would be a very, like, early: Patrick W.:I just say. I just say, for me watching now, I said I would have liked to see any woman do this. It would have been less obvious. Whatever. Early in the show.
Whatever.
Maya: I don't. It doesn't feel like: Patrick W.:It safe like Jan and us. You always got to subtract five years.
Maya:Yeah. Yeah. We were ready.
Doctor Howlett:Yeah.
Maya:What's your name? That's your name. No, my alternate casting is. I want to swap out the head of medicine with Jessica Walter.
Trae:Oh, yeah. From Arrested Development.
Maya:Yeah. So Lucille Booth from Arrested Development. Mallory Archer from Archer.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Well, we don't approve of you. The way you've been running surgery like a sideshow. What can it cost, $10 or ultimate cost?
Patrick W.:Here, why don't you take the night off and go see what, Star wars?
Maya:Yeah, have $10. Go see a star. Oh, have $100. No change. Go see a Star wars doctor.
Trae:Isn't it a stomach aneury? You know, aneurysm. I don't know what you said, and I'm not going to respond.
Maya:All right.
Trae:Or alternate casting Alec Baldwin as the doctor.
Maya:Oh, yeah, but, like, going full 30 rock.
Trae:Well, but he was in that movie where he gave that speech about where he's being a doctor. Accused malice.
Patrick W.:I am going to second that. Just because at this point, Alec Baldwin was at prime hotness. Trae, did you ever see the TV movie Dress Blue?
Trae:No.
Patrick W.:Is Alec Baldwin getting out of a lake or a pool? Tiny swimsuit, and it's about to get military. So I was just like, bing Bong, back from the future here.
Patrick:The miniseries that I am referring to is not dressed blue, it's dressed gray. And oh, my God, this is my Alec. This was my introduction to Alec Baldwin. And I got gayer watching him get in and out of that lake so many times.
Just needed you to know because you need to know. Back to the show Bing Bong.
Trae:No, but when plays people Getting out of pools. Had a movie in the 90s where he played a doctor who's accused of murdering someone.
Patrick W.:And he's on this scamming.
Trae:Yeah. And he's like, you call me a God, I am God.
Patrick W.:Malice.
Trae:Yeah, Malice. That's what the doc. That's what the doctor's introduction.
Maya:Like the speech we just got on Saul Goodman.
Trae:Yeah.
Maya:Lightning comes my fingers, lighting shoots with my fingertips.
Patrick:Well, apparently God complex is common among TV maniac doctors because our TV maniac doctor says something awfully God complex at the beginning.
Micki:Well, Vince, one more notch for your belt.
Doctor Howlett:It's really nothing, Patricia. A minor miracle. Something on the scale of water into wine.
Patrick:And then again during this entries.
Doctor Howlett:Did you really think you could stop me? Don't you know who I am? He with the power to give life, take it away.
Patrick W.:I've been, you know, going through stuff on, you know, watching things endlessly, as we all are these days. And I started rewatching Warehouse 13.
Maya:I never got into that. How do you feel about it?
Patrick W.:Maya, first of all, you're in the show.
Maya:What?
Patrick W.:There's a character that's you.
Maya:Cool. Guess I gotta watch it.
Patrick:Smart, cool, hip, takes no shit.
Patrick W.:Funniest. Knows everything. Knows how to do everything. She's great. I get it, Renee.
Maya:No, I'll watch it. Okay.
Patrick W.:But it's a sci fi version of this show.
Maya:Oh, okay.
Patrick W.:Yeah, yeah, it's very funny.
Patrick:It's a great.
Maya:It's like the warehouse at the end of Indiana Jones.
Patrick W.:Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's exactly what it is. So they're getting dangerous items back and keeping them in this warehouse.
And there's a movie, this show that just started on Hulu called the Librarians. The same thing.
Maya:Oh, but the Librarians has been going on for a while now.
Patrick W.:I don't know. Well, I just discovered about the Librarians.
Maya:I'm sorry, it's got. What's his name from er, right?
Trae:Noah Wiley and Rebecca Romaine. Yeah, I was looking at future episodes.
Patrick W.:This is the same show.
Maya:No, I watched some of the Librarians, like six years ago.
Patrick W.:You were different genre nerds.
Maya:I'll push my glasses up my nose now.
Patrick W.:Oh, no. I say that. No, I mean when it comes to that sci fi stuff, you know, well, and you know the science and shit behind it.
There's been a couple of episodes. Not here. Other things recorded. You start spouting physics laws on my arm. This is why I love my Murphy.
Maya:Just comes out with knowledge because I spend too much time reading on the Internet.
Patrick W.:No conservation of mass. No. Conservation of energy. No.
Maya:Called out. Called out.
Patrick W.:Those lobsters can grow as big as they want a million times your size. No conservation of mass.
Maya:It. Look, it matters, okay?
Patrick W.:This is me. I remember those words. I don't know what they mean, but I remember those words.
Maya:I'll explain it to you later.
Patrick W.:You don't need to, because I'll never need them. All right. Do we know what's coming up next?
Trae:Yeah, the next one.
Patrick W.:I looked Jack's planning for us.
Trae:I don't know. No, no, no.
Ryan:Two.
Trae:I think this two or three coming up is about a cursed mulcher. They have given a. They've given up. And also that's amazing thing.
Patrick W.:Dude, don't tell her. Don't tell her.
Trae:I won't tell her about it.
Patrick W.:But. But guest star, Eric, Colin, Tony from. And now he goes by Enrico Colin Tony from Mars and don't shoot me.
Trae:Oh, okay. That would be fun.
Patrick W.:I've seen his penis like five times in the past year and it's really disturbing.
Maya:Thank you for that.
Patrick W.:I saw my page in five different things.
Maya:I'm like.
Patrick W.:And there's a penis again.
Trae:Oh, he's. It's getting paid by the inch.
Patrick W.:Well, yep,.
Trae:Now I'm looking. The next episode is Shadow Boxer.
Patrick W.:All right. It's gonna be great.
Patrick:That's a great one.
Maya:Great. It's gonna be great. I can tell it's gonna be great.
Patrick W.:That's the best episode ever. It's about that stalker. It's about that death stalker in the hallway putting stuff in the boxes. Shadows in the box.
Maya:Death stalks the hallways.
Patrick W.:Trae, Maya, thank you so much again for joining me. Someone's got Chronicles, someone's got Chronicle, but Uncle Lewis does. If we don't do it, who's gonna do it?
Maya:Who's gonna do it?
Trae:No one.
Patrick W.:Nobody. So you're welcome. You're welcome, you're welcome.
Trae:This show can't go up into obscurity. We have to let people know about Robey.
Maya:That must tell people about Ruby's hair.
Trae:Yep, yep.
Patrick W.:That Jack is gay. Nobody knows. We're the only people who know.
Maya:We know.
Patrick W.:We know every episode. And Jack knows.
Maya:Jack knows.
Patrick W.:Ryan and Micki don't know because they don't know anything. Let's wrap this up.
Maya:No.
Patrick W.:So until next time, everybody. Thank you for joining in, patrons. You've been fabulous. Thank you so much for your support. And until next month, the store is closed.
Trae:Wait, are we gonna do our.
Flower Guy:Damn.
Patrick W.:I was just about to.
Trae:Sorry, I just. Ryan, the whole thing. I it up.
Maya:Don't wear that sweater. We'll forgive you.
Patrick W.:But before we go, we've got one thing to say to all of you. Damn you. Sorry.
Maya:Sorry about that.
Trae:Sorry. Sorry. Not sorry.
