Ian Hawkins 0:02
Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfillment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it, and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the Ian Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.
When I first started learning about personal development, I was like blown away by how little of this was known by the majority of the world. And you may have experienced this yourself, you start to learn things, and you just want to tell everyone, you just want everyone to experience this incredible knowledge that seems to be hidden. And if you're also like me, you would have experienced getting massive resistance when you try and tell people. I'm getting goosebumps as I say this because you more than likely have right. And it's because people aren't ready, you've got to be ready. I've had a number of client referrals from partners of people saying you know that this person wants to work with you. And they need help with this, this and this. Now, after making this mistake a few times, which is taking that referral and working directly with the person that was being referred to me, it's now I go the other direction and go Well actually, if you are feeling that you need to refer someone else, then I'd much rather work with you, who is called to whatever I'm doing. So that you can be the one who educates them in a much more trusting environment. Because you're the one who's reached out, you're the one who's ready for change. By trying to refer someone else they what they're really trying to do, from my experience is control an outcome for someone else. But also from my experience, having been through a lot of growth and going on this journey together with my wife is that at different times, we've had different suggestions for each other. I need to fall on deaf ears. But then we go and learn from someone else. And then we come back and go I've just learned this, this, this and this. And then we laugh at each other because it's like yeah, I've kind of been telling you that. Because it doesn't knowledge doesn't come from having someone close to you, tell you or direct you what what's what, in fact, it's often because of the emotional connection is going to bring resistance. So what do you do instead? Well, what you do is that you learn everything you can as you already have been. And then you implemented it into your life and you become a role model for what's possible. That's how you create change in the world. That's how you create change and other people, particularly those closest to you by giving them permission to go and do the same. When they see and feel your improvement, they will be called to want to do the same. Now somewhat, some will go the opposite direction, begin that's their journey. They'll find their way eventually. But on their terms, not on yours. Because the more you try and control other people's journey, the more you try and get get in inverted commas of other people to change, the more resistance you will face. The more you can let go of that control and be the role model and hold your ground with boundaries. Being able to not be triggered by other people's projections, including those closest to you, partners, children, parents, siblings. And just be that calm and reason not buy into other people's stuff. You become that role model of change. Now they may not always tell you directly that they've taken what you've learned and are living by their watch. Seeing, and they're observing, and they are adopting. Some may tell you in subtle ways by sharing what they've done and how they've grown and how they've changed. Others will be very direct about it. But the vast majority will never tell you. It's an ego thing. It's a safety thing. It's not wanting to admit that maybe someone else that was close to them might have more knowledge than them. Such a something I talked about last week, I think it was about losing face. We're such creatures of self protection, no lose face, we don't want to feel like we're giving up our power. So the answer is to actually impel people to praise them to lift them up. By continuing to go on this journey yourself that you've already started to continue to grow, and to continue to inspire them to do the same. It's it's just so joyful, and, and empowering yourself when you realize you can change the world that one person can change the world. And I'm smiling because I was one of those people, I used to scoff people go well, one person can change the world and Lisa SCAF go What lady garbage teller turned out, they were right. And I've watched people in my world transform before my eyes. With me doing nothing more than just being my best self. Letting go of thicker troll the need, the need to be this source of wisdom, trying to impart it on other people, but instead just going away and improving and being better, and been a guiding light. So, if you face this, and you'd have this desire to pass on all you've learned, they won't listen. Or if you are still trying to share things, I've actually had a spate of that recently, past clients friends, sharing this knowledge i You've just got to see this. And I'm like, well, that's not particularly calling me. But thank you for sharing. I'll, I'm sure I'll find what it what it is I need for my journey when it presents to me. I admire the passion and the courage to share is just also a reminder to me that it's the role modeling that has a far bigger influence, to be the role model of change, let go of their control, and be that place of calm with boundaries. That is how you will change the world. That's how we will all change the world for the better.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform
