Embracing Unschooling: Transforming Learning for Our Neurodivergent Kids

Artwork for podcast Maybe This Will Be The Cure

Episode 6 • 15th March 2024 • Maybe This Will Be The Cure • Megan Godard-Cardon

In this episode, I discuss our family's journey from public school to homeschool to unschool. I'll cover key topics on unschooling, including what is unschooling? What are the benefits for neurodivergent and PDA autistic children? What are the challenges of unschooling? How to get started with it? And how does interest-led learning even work? Let's get into it.

Welcome to Maybe This Will be the Cure, a podcast where the wisdom of a healing journey meets the warmth of shared experiences. Join as we explore the topics of healing, living with chronic conditions, chronic pain, neurodiversity, mental health, and parenting kids with disabilities. I'm your host, Megan.

I never even considered homeschooling. As my son approached kindergarten, it just wasn't even on my radar. My own public school experience had been mostly positive, and I expected the same for my children. But short story, nope, it was not.

Before I get into the longer version of the story of how we went from public school to homeschool to unschool, I want to start with a little disclaimer. I'm not a one size fits all kind of girl. I'm not saying that unschooling is the right answer for every kid, but it's been a great fit for my kids, and I wish I would have known about some of the other options out there. I'm so grateful for the people that shared their experiences and knowledge about homeschooling and unschooling so that I could see that there was another way of doing things, and I'm ready to add my voice. But again, different strokes for different folks.

So by the time my oldest was in preschool, we knew something was different. He had started occupational therapy, and the OT had diagnosed him with sensory processing difficulties. At home, he had some really difficult behaviors, and so I was terrified for him to start pre-k. Even though it was a small in-home preschool with a lovely teacher, where he attended with his cousin and about five other kids, I was still nervous. I spoke with her, the teacher, before school started to discuss my concerns, but he did surprisingly well all year, and at his graduation, the teacher joked about how I was one of those moms.

But for kindergarten, I was still concerned, and I had a sense that a full day option would probably be too much for him. I looked into a half day option, a couple of Montessori schools, but then we moved for law school two weeks before the school year started, and the only option available to us in the new town was a full day kindergarten at the local public school.

Again, I was worried, so I met with his teacher to discuss my concerns and to ask her for a 504 plan. Her response was that they couldn't do a 504 plan until they saw how he behaved at school. So basically, instead of being proactive with accommodations, their plan was to be reactive. And I'm not sure if that's because we didn't have the full diagnosis at this point. I don't know if that's actually true. That's just what they told me.

I was disappointed, but I was grateful that his teacher was willing to try some of the accommodations I mentioned if he needed it. At first, things seemed to be going well. He waved me off without a fuss on that first day. I was actually the one in tears, funny enough, but that smooth start quickly unraveled. School mornings turned into a battleground marked by his intense anxiety and overwhelming panic attacks.

I'd bend over backwards trying to make his afternoons leisurely and fun, spending hours at the pool or the park, trying to compensate. But homework remained a nightly ordeal, and the dread for the next day would start building up all over again and making it difficult for him to even sleep soundly.

His anxiety wasn't just emotional, it manifested physically with headaches, stomach aches, or sudden coughing spells. And we experimented with every possible morning routine, riding the bus, walking to school, driving as a family park, visits before school, pushing him in a stroller to the gates. But nothing we tried could ward off the inevitable panic attack that followed.

Some mornings I found myself camped out in the school's front office, waiting for his panic to subside and for him to stop crying. Some mornings he wouldn't get out of the car. Some mornings we didn't even make it out of the house.

This cycle of dread and distress dragged on for months, from August through the new year. And why did I let it go on this long? Well, first I was operating from the mindset of exposure and desensitization, you know, the idea that eventually he would get used to it and get over his anxiety. But also, we kept trying because I just didn't even think that there might be another option.

Coincidentally, one of my good friends in the area decided to pull her kids out to homeschool around this time, and that decision planted a little seed in my brain. She had done a lot of research and was excited to get started soon, and it just got me thinking.

In February of that year, things escalated. I found myself constantly searching for new strategies to make school easier for him. For example, the cafeteria was a nightmare for him. He'd skip meals because the noise and the chaos were too much. We tried earplugs, but he worried about missing important announcements. Some days I'd join him for lunch in the school's quiet atrium, hoping that he'd eat without stress. But more often than not, those attempts would end with him spiraling into a panic, wanting to go home. It was so awful to witness. And every morning after dropping him off, I'd spend the day with this heavy heart. Processing the emotions from his panic attack this morning and worrying about how he was doing all day at school.

Up until this point, his teacher had assured me that he was doing great during the day at school, well behaved, keeping up academically. But soon the effect started to bleed into the school day. His teacher reported unusual behavior, excessive silliness, hiding under desks, signals we were reaching a breaking point.

One day after dropping him off at the front office and watching as he walked through the big metal security doors towards his classroom, my husband and I were stunned to see him bolting out of the locked school doors straight towards us in the parking lot. He had somehow managed to slip past all security measures and escape the big locked doors to get to us. It was terrifying.

And then one morning I got a call from the school. His teacher was on the line. She said he was hysterical and was wondering if something unusual had happened that morning. I explained to her again that our mornings are a recurring nightmare of panic attacks. This happens every day, but we usually deal with it before he heads into the classroom. I suggested they let him wind down with some screen time, noting it sometimes helped at home. They reassured me they'd handle it, urging me not to come. And then I got a call from the school counselor later that day recommending we pursue an autism evaluation for him.

Hearing how my son had tried to flee, how they had to physically guide him down the hallway, and how he spent half the day on a screen to calm down underscored the magnitude of the situation. This wasn't just challenging behavior, it was a profound stress response, making it clear that our current path was unsustainable. I could see that traditional schooling wasn't working for him.

He had missed a lot of school by this point. We were getting notices from the school district about his tardiness and absences, but some days it was impossible to get him to go. One morning, his panic attack took a violent turn, resulting in physical harm towards me. It became undeniably clear that our current approach was unsustainable. We needed to make a change, now.

My friend lent me “The Well-Trained Mind” by Susan wise Bauer. It is a big, heavy book, but I read everything that applied to us that day and decided basically overnight to pull him out of school to homeschool. He finished out the week with a fun run and a school Valentine's Day party marking the end of his conventional school journey. I completed the necessary paperwork and we dived right into homeschooling.

Although he felt a little sad and missed seeing his school friends, overall he was so relieved not having to go to school every day. Initially inspired by The Well Trained Mind, I leaned towards a classical approach. But we quickly realized this method of homeschooling was not the right fit for us. He was so bored by it, and he resisted doing any of it. I knew we needed to figure something else out.

Then I discovered The Good and the Beautiful Curriculum. It promised an easy, engaging approach, complete with charming and thoughtful materials. We gave it a shot and noticed a clear improvement. The curriculum was filled with enjoyable games and activities that captured my son's interest. However, what struck me was the persistent resistance to starting schoolwork. Despite his enjoyment of the activities, once we began. Every day felt like an uphill struggle, but considering it was still a step up from our experience with public schooling, we stuck with it.

When it came time for my youngest to start kindergarten, it was clear that traditional schooling wouldn't suit him either. His boundless energy, constant motion, sensory sensitivities, strong desire for autonomy and anxiety made the decision to homeschool pretty straightforward. He also enjoyed the activities of our homeschool curriculum, but he couldn't manage to sit through an entire lesson. His attention span just wasn't there. Plus, he also showed resistance to getting started, despite eventually enjoying the games once we got into them.

rward a few years to February: 2022

Around this time, I stumbled upon Iris Chen's profile @untigering on Instagram. Once an authoritative tiger mom, she had shifted towards a more respectful and relational approach to parenting. Through her posts, she shared her journey with unschooling her children, introducing me to the concept of self-directed education, for the first time. Her account led me to others who also shared their journeys in child-led learning. I was captivated, soaking up every bit of information on the topic. Within this community, someone suggested reading “How Children Learn” by John Holt. Admittedly, the book style is pretty dry, but it was completely transformative for me. Holt's insights into the innate instincts of children to learn, like their natural instinct to breathe, opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on education.

John Holt was an educator that sought to understand how learning occurs. He concluded that by removing educational demands and pressures and providing freedom and support instead, children naturally take joy in educating themselves. The more I learned, the more this philosophy made sense to me. And so I let go of our beautiful curriculum and we began our unschooling journey.

Now, what even is unschooling? So first, I should mention it's also referred to as self-directed education or self-directed learning, even child-led learning. So I use the words interchangeably throughout this discussion. But basically, unschooling is an educational philosophy or approach that prioritizes child-led learning, allowing children to follow their interests and learn at their own pace.

Unschooling is frequently associated as a type of homeschooling, but there are also schools that adopt a self directed education model, such as the Sudbury democratic schools, and the philosophy can be applied to support children's learning and autonomy even within traditional and alternative school settings. But in the context of homeschooling, unlike more structured homeschooling methods that basically bring the traditional school curriculums to a home setting, unschooling or self-directed education embraces a more flexible and child-led approach. It prioritizes a child's interests and natural curiosity rather than sticking to a set list of what they should be learning or traditional academic standards.

One of the main principles behind unschooling is the idea that children are basically hardwired to learn and are learning all the time. I love this quote from John Holt, it says, “Children learn from anything and everything they see. They learn wherever they are, not just in special learning places.”

With unschooling, learning is seen as a natural part of everyday life. Children learn through life experiences, household responsibilities, engaging with the community, and through play. And because learning isn't confined to a classroom or specific hours of the day, it's super flexible. Learning can happen at any time and in any place.

Fostering a love for learning and a passion for discovery is another crucial aspect of self-directed education. I love this quote from John Holt, “Since we can't know what knowledge will be most needed in the future, it is senseless to try to teach it in advance. Instead, we should try to turn out people who love learning so much and learn so well that they will be able to learn whatever needs to be learned.” And that just really resonates with me. We've seen how much things have changed with technology, and so I want to prepare my children by teaching them to love learning and to learn well.

Unschooling is focused more on the learning process and intrinsic motivation rather than measurable outcomes of grades or test scores. And part of fostering this love of learning is to follow the child's interests. Another quote by John Holt, “We can best help children learn, not by deciding what we think they should learn and thinking of ingenious ways to teach it to them, by making the world as far as we can accessible to them, paying serious attention to what they do, answering their questions if they have any, and helping them explore the things they are most interested in.”

In unschooling, learning is driven by the child's interests, curiosity, and natural desire to learn rather than a prescribed curriculum. The children choose what, when, and how they learn. Unschooling gives learners a lot of autonomy and control over their learning rather than a structured framework set by educational standards.

So basically, unschooling differs from more traditional schooling and homeschooling methods in that it does not follow a set curriculum or a set of academic standards. Learning doesn't have to be in a specific, sequential or systematic way. Learning isn't confined to scheduled school hours, with a clear separation between school time and life. Learning happens all the time. It's a part of life. There's not a big emphasis on tests or grades or assessments to measure progress against standardized benchmarks. Kids learn at their own pace, in their own unique way. And rather than a teacher or a parent led approach where the students are often passive recipients of knowledge, the kids are in the driver's seat, actively pursuing their interests with the support of their parents and teachers.

For families like ours with kids with a PDA profile, autism, ADHD, anxiety, sensory processing disorder, while managing a chronic condition, type one diabetes, whose kids have struggled with other traditional methods of education, unschooling isn't just an educational choice, it is a lifeline. So I wanted to talk about how unschooling or self-directed education can benefit families like ours.

But first, I want to share a poignant statistic. According to research by the PDA society, a staggering 70% of young people with a PDA profile find traditional school environments intolerable or end up being home educated. 70%! That statistic speaks volumes about the need for alternatives. For children with pathological demand avoidance (PDA), the intense need to be in control, severe anxiety, challenging behaviors and sensory issues are a part of daily life and make daily tasks very difficult. Now think of all the explicit demands of traditional schooling environments from being told what to learn, how to behave, how to sit, how to dress, testing, grades, and the pressure that if you don't do well, your whole life is ruined. This environment is a landmine for PDAer's and can cause them to continuously go into fight, flight, freeze responses, making learning not just difficult, but sometimes impossible. These kids need a different approach and unschooling can be a breath of fresh air.

Rather than bringing school home like I was kind of doing before by adhering to specific curriculums based on state academic standards. Instead, it's about creating a learning environment that respects and adapts to each child's needs, strengths, individual pace and interests. Its flexibility, emphasis on child-led learning, and integration of learning into daily life can provide a supportive and adaptable framework for these children.

Unschooling's child-led approach minimizes external pressures, allowing these children to engage at their own pace and on their own terms, which can significantly reduce anxiety and encourage engagement. You may have heard how lowering demands is a helpful accommodation for PDA children. You might have heard of like low demand parenting. An unschooling or self directed education is kind of like a low demand approach to learning. It removes the pressure of conforming to a structured educational system and allows children to learn in a way that's natural for them.

If you have autistic children like I do, you might notice that they have special interests that go deep and bring them so much joy and help them cope with challenges. An unschooling approach focuses on their unique interests and passions, and they engage deeply and it makes learning enjoyable and very meaningful for them. And this approach harnesses their intense curiosity and channels it into learning.

Learning in this way is very flexible. I can adapt activities to fit my kids current emotional and psychological state. Learning can be paused, altered or redirected as needed to accommodate their needs in each moment, reducing stress and conflict.

It offers a custom fit education that traditional schooling often can't provide. A core principle of unschooling is allowing children to learn at their own pace, benefiting those who need extra time to process information or frequent health breaks.

And for our family, where we're also managing type one diabetes, unschooling is a great fit because it's so flexible. Activities can be planned around his energy. If he's dealing with a high or low blood sugar and not feeling well, we can adjust. He can rest whenever he needs to, and we can do activities when he's feeling better. He can learn when he actually has the mental capacity to learn, not just on a set schedule. In an unschooling environment, we can attend to his health and diabetes management in a way that would likely be much more difficult in a traditional school environment, at least for us. And with unschooling's focus on autonomy, allowing him to make choices about his learning strengthens decision making skills and boosts his self confidence, which is so important when you're managing a chronic condition.

And the mental health benefits of unschooling cannot be overstated, it offers a sanctuary from the anxiety inducing demands of traditional education. Children get to learn at their own pace, in their own way. They don't have to keep up with the class. They can learn at their own speed. In unschooling, children get a say in their education. They have a lot of control over how, when, and what they learn. They can focus on their interests, making learning a positive experience.

Retention and engagement both improve when learning is enjoyable, interesting, and meaningful. Unschooling nurtures a love for learning that's driven by curiosity, not coercion. With that autonomy, as they navigate their unique educational journey with the support of parents and loved ones, they get to develop a self awareness and a better understanding of their learning preferences, their strengths, areas for growth, and coping strategies that help them with the things they struggle with.

It also allows children and families the time and ability to tune into the child's stress levels and adapt accordingly. There's time for rest and breaks as needed. The flexibility allows the opportunity to incorporate mindfulness, mental health practices, and stress management techniques into the daily routine.

And I'm so grateful that unschooling has provided my kids a safe learning environment free from bullying and misunderstanding that is so common for kids with disabilities or differences. Our previous school experiences, from public school to more traditional forms of homeschooling with a set curriculum, both had a negative impact on their mental health given the unique way their brains operate. So I'm grateful we found this approach that is much better suited to them and much better for their mental health.

I've loved how unschooling has strengthened the connection between me and my kids. I'm no longer pulling teeth to get my kids to school or to do our homeschool curriculum. We're learning all the time in our natural rhythm of life and through playing. I love that we all get to learn and pursue our passions together as a family. And I love that they are getting a holistic education where practical life skills, creativity and emotional wellbeing are prioritized alongside their academic development. I love how unschooling can provide a nurturing, less stressful environment that values individuality and prioritizes mental health and wellbeing. For neurodivergent children and those with chronic conditions like mine, these benefits are really impactful. I love that unschooling offers a path to education that honors who they are.

But of course, as with any schooling option, unschooling has its own set of challenges. I can't speak for everyone in the unschooling world, but I'll share some hurdles that we've faced on our own unschooling journey, as well as a few challenges that I think others might run into. And I'll also share some ways we're striving to overcome these challenges.

One of the biggest challenges for me has been wrestling with my own fears and worries. For example, at the beginning I was really concerned about my kids falling behind academically. But once I committed to homeschooling for the long haul, it eased my worries. You see, for the first couple of years of homeschooling, I clung to the hope that maybe someday they'd go back to regular school, and that piled on the pressure to make sure they were keeping up with their peers in case they went back to school someday. But when I finally let go of that, it gave us the freedom and the space to embrace learning at their own pace.

And they are definitely, I'm using air quotes here, “behind their peers” in some areas, but then I look at the incredible skills that they are developing and they're getting a head start in all these other highly marketable digital skills without even realizing it. They're diving into video and graphic design using professional software, as they create content for their little YouTube channels. They're learning to mod Minecraft, which is stepping into a world of coding. And watching them build things in Minecraft reminds me of watching the piping guys back in my construction days use Autocad and BIM software to create 3d renderings. My kids are literally learning to turn their ideas into digital models, a skill that's highly valued in today's world by playing a game they enjoy.

And I know education isn't just about career readiness, but it is a part of it. And I'm often reminded that there are lots of ways to make money. For example, my kids wanted to download and play this custom world in Minecraft. And in order to get this custom world, you had to subscribe to the creator's Patreon. On the subscription page, you could see the price of the subscription, and you could also see the number of subscribers that he had. Well, I did the math, and this guy is making millions, millions of dollars a year on Minecraft. My mind was blown.

Experiences like this are encouraging me to lean into my kids interests. They will find their way. They're preparing for the future in their own way and mastering skills that can lead to real world success. They might be behind their peers in some respects, but in other ways, they're way beyond their peers. They are on their own journey. So while it's easy to get caught up in what they're not doing, by conventional standards, I'm learning to celebrate where they're excelling. Their unique path might not look like everyone else's, but it's teaching them invaluable skills and showing them that success comes in many forms.

Not only was I worried about them being academically behind their peers, another fear I had when I started unschooling was the fear of skill gaps. I was worried that by following their interests instead of a specific curriculum, they would miss out on some important skills. But then I took a deep dive into the realities of traditional education, like looking up the literacy rates of public schools. And it put all my worries into perspective. Here's the truth. No educational path is perfect, and skill gaps are a part of every learning journey. Whether in a traditional classroom or at the kitchen table. No one can learn or retain everything.

I like to remember that people are different with a wide array of skills and interests. Not everyone needs to excel in the same areas to lead successful and fulfilling lives. This diversity in talents and passions is what keeps our world moving along and interesting. Thank goodness some people took an interest in plumbing or engineering or surgery. I have no interest in any of those things at all. I took two anatomy classes in college, and guess what? I don't remember most of it. I took several math classes, in one ear, out the other, and I never even learned about plumbing. But thankfully, someone else did those things and retained that information. And meanwhile, I learned things that other people didn't. We won't learn everything. Everyone has skill gaps.

I listened to a virtual training about self-directed education and PDA recently, and the speaker, Je’Anna Clements, brought up the fears that parents and loved ones have regarding unschooling and their question that “Isn't there some subjects that are necessary to learn to get by in the world? And what exactly are those subjects?” And she shared this quote by Professor Eugene Matusov, I hope I'm saying his name right, from the University of Delaware. He said, “Modern conventional education is full of impositions on its students. Schools often impose on students where they must be, what they must do, and learn, how they must behave and communicate in the places and the ways that the teacher in the school define. However, the legitimacy of this imposition, how much of this imposition is necessary, useful, justified, and desirable for education itself has not been specifically discussed and analyzed yet.” She brought up the point that we have this trust and assume that there's a reason why traditional schooling does the things the way they do. But according to this professor, how much of that imposition is legitimate and necessary for education has not been analyzed yet. So she brought up the questions, what if curriculum isn't even necessary? What if teaching kids to read before the age of ten makes no long term difference? Shouldn't we look into this? These questions significantly eased my concerns about skill gaps.

Instead of worrying about what my kids might not know, I focus how they're learning to learn. They're engaging with the world with curiosity and passion, acquiring the skills to seek out information, think critically, and most importantly, learn how to bridge any gaps in their knowledge as they go. This ability to self educate and adapt is perhaps the most valuable skill we can hope to instill in our children, ensuring that they're equipped for whatever the future holds, not just with a set of memorized facts, but with a resilient and inquisitive mindset.

Now I'm going to get a little vulnerable here and share one of the biggest challenges we're currently facing with unschooling and life in general, and one that we haven't figured out yet, and that is creating new friendships and community here in Arizona. Before we moved, when we were still in Nevada, we had an awesome group of friends to meet up with as we homeschooled. But since moving and navigating autistic burnout, fostering new friendships and a sense of community for my kids has been a real challenge.

The anxiety around joining new groups or meeting new people or even meeting up with friends we haven't seen in a while has been a big barrier. I'll admit, for me, one of the biggest challenges of unschooling is the lack of that automatic social network that school provides. Instead, you have to seek out community, which for some people is not a problem. Their kids do sports. Maybe they're in music, maybe you have a church community. But for our kids, with their anxieties, sensory issues, mental health struggles, and social challenges, it's been difficult lately to connect with others.

One thing we've tried recently is my youngest joined a Minecraft club on Outschool.com, but those deep, meaningful friendships haven't formed yet. We're also working with a neuropsychologist to help us find strategies to hopefully overcome these obstacles so they can build new friendships. But in the meantime, our social interaction comes from online gaming sessions with their friend from Nevada and hanging out with our extended family, many of whom live nearby. But I know they both miss their friends from Nevada and wish that they had more friends here, so it's something that we're still trying to figure out.

Another challenge for self directed education can be one of resources, both financially and with time, diving deep into our children's specific interests can come with a hefty price tag. One of my kid’s special interests the past couple years has been Legos, and anyone who's bought a Lego set lately knows what I'm talking about. Now, we're fortunate that our state has policies that support homeschooling and school choice, allowing us to access certain resources to ease that financial burden. But even beyond the money, unschooling demands a substantial investment of time and attention, especially when you're parenting children with specific needs, like my kids with PDA, autism, and type one diabetes. So maybe unschooling would require less time if you don't have those compounding factors. But I think to really support your child's interest, it does take up a lot of time and energy, and that commitment might limit your ability to work or engage in other activities.

Thankfully, my husband and I both work from home with flexible schedules, so we make it work between the both of us. But we're constantly juggling to make sure our kids get the support they need to dive into their interests and so that we can get our work done. To help with this, we've considered bringing in a play based tutor to free up some of our time, but in the meantime, we make it work by taking turns between working and being with the kids. But I understand that it might not be feasible for every family, especially those with demanding work schedules and or lack of resources.

And this leads me to another layer of the challenge, the issue of equity and accessibility. The ability to choose this path is influenced largely by socioeconomic factors. I'm so grateful to live in a state that has resources available to families like ours, and I'm so grateful that the past two states we lived in have worked great for pursuing self-directed education. I know there can be legal challenges with this style of education, and obviously laws around home educating will vary from state to state and country to country. And because not every place has supportive policies or resources, I know that for some families this style of education may be inaccessible. And I dream of a world where every family can access this style of education if they want.

Now that being said, I've seen rhetoric on the Internet where homeschooling is talked about as this luxury and a choice only afforded to wealthy, privileged families, but I'm not sure this rhetoric is serving us. I came across a post the other day from Fran at Big Mothering that discussed how sometimes homeschooling is not a choice. She says “Many homeschoolers take this route because for various reasons, it is the only viable way,” she goes on “We don't talk enough about families who homeschool because their child is disabled or was being bullied in school, because the schooling options they have don't work for their child, because their child was unhappy, because they were struggling, because the curricula being taught are not inclusive of their culture or identity, because the schooling system is coercive and violates children's rights.” And, she says, “I worry that when we frame homeschooling as a free choice, it exempts the rest of society from building support systems, safety nets, and accessible options for families living without school, regardless of the reason they're doing it.”

Personally, I want a world where families have the freedom to choose the best educational path for their child without facing barriers or judgment, and where resources for child-led learning are accessible to everyone. Traditional education is failing some children, and we need accessible options outside of school. I've seen how unschooling, this unconventional educational approach, has been so helpful and healing for my kids, and I want a world where any family can access it if they want.

Another challenge that can arise when unschooling is external pressure, skepticism, and judgment from others. It's a departure from the norm, and of course, people will have strong opinions about it. Now, we've been so fortunate. Our circle of friends and family have been very supportive, and even if they've had their reservations about it, they've chosen to keep those thoughts to themselves and offer support instead. This has created a safe environment for us to explore unschooling in a way that feels right for us without the added weight of external judgment clouding our decisions. And I'm so grateful. But I know that not everyone is as lucky. For those facing skepticism or outright criticism, I'm so sorry. I know that embracing this unconventional path takes courage, especially in the face of opposition. So I hope you can feel my encouragement and find confidence in your own choices as you support your child the way you see best.

Okay, now that we've discussed the benefits and challenges of unschooling, I thought it might be helpful to talk about how we transitioned from traditional homeschooling with a curriculum to unschooling.

So step number one, I spent a lot of time researching and learning about unschooling. I soaked up a ton of information about it. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, read blogs, articles about child-led learning. I took time to really understand the philosophy, the benefits, the challenges before diving in. I found lots of helpful resources. And I also took time to get familiar with my state's homeschooling regulations to ensure that we could adhere to the law while pursuing this educational approach.

During this time of research, I talked with my husband about what I was learning, got his thoughts on it, and then I started casually mentioning things to my children about what I was learning in bits and pieces. When I was ready to try out this new method, I talked about it with them in simple terms to get their input. And because homeschooling had been such a battle between us anyways, they were totally on board with trying out something new. And they're all about autonomy, and this sounded great. So they were in.

The next step we took was deschooling. As I had been learning about child-led learning and unschooling, I came across this concept of deschooling. It's a transition period where children and parents take time to adjust from the structure and expectations of traditional schooling to the freedom and flexibility of homeschooling or unschooling. Basically, it's a period of time where you take a break from anything school related, no textbooks or workbooks, no classes, curriculums, or coops. Instead, you get to focus on living life, playing, and exploring your interests. The length of time varies, but it's often suggested to be about one month for every year the child was in traditional schooling. But it just depends on the individual needs of the child and the family.

This period of time gives families a chance to decompress from any past negative educational experiences, to shed old mindsets around schooling, and to reassess what education means to you. It's a time to open your mind to possibilities and new insights around learning, and it gives everyone a chance to figure out their own personal goals and interests. And then you'll start to see what natural free learning can look like. For our family, after our traumatic public school experience, we jumped straight into structured homeschooling and we just pushed on through any resistance. It built up a lot of resistance around education, so I knew that this step would be super important for our family.

with deschooling in March of: 2022

Now that my kids are coming out of burnout and moving into recovery, what does unschooling look like for us currently? So basically, our days are spent living life and pursuing our interests. We don't have a set curriculum. Learning happens all the time. Sometimes I take note of the subjects we cover each day naturally, throughout the course of the day, and I'm always surprised to see how many topics we cover just by living life and exploring their interests.

Since we work from home, my husband and I take turns with the boys because between PDA, diabetes and supporting their interests, they need a lot of attention and support. We both have a good relationship with the boys and I think our connection with them is a foundational piece for this type of education to be successful and to create a supportive environment for learning.

I think we've also developed a family culture of learning. Both my husband and I model lifelong learning. For example, my husband switched careers and went to law school. I switched careers and learned web design. Then recently I learned how to start a podcast that you're listening to. And my husband took up a new hobby of weightlifting recently. So my kids constantly get to see us pursue our own interests and learn new things, and then we support them with their interests and help them find answers to their questions. We also talk about how learning happens all the time and my kids have started to recognize that they've learned a lot through play and through living life.

To nurture their interests, encourage learning, and broaden their horizons, I use strewing as a tool. Strewing is a concept that you'll hear in unschooling spaces, and it's essentially creating opportunities for them to engage without any obligation. It involves casually leaving items or activities out for my kids based on their interests and personalities. Sometimes these offerings are physical items placed in their usual hangouts, inviting curiosity. Other times, I might actively interact with something in their presence, subtly suggesting that they might find it interesting, too. Or I might mention an activity like going out to collect the mail to see if it sparks their interest. Their reaction can vary. They might jump in, or they might not, and that's perfectly okay. The whole point is to gently propose experiences that could delight them or introduce them to new ideas, all in a no pressure, open-ended way.

Along these lines, I want to talk about four things we do to support our children's learning. Number one, we've set up a rich learning environment. I've filled our home with a variety of learning materials that cater to different interests and learning styles. We have art supplies, sports equipment, books, scientific tools and materials like a microscope, gems, rocks, and fossils, musical equipments, and access to online resources like outschool.com or design software or editing software. And we have lots of spaces in our home that can be used for different types of activities. We have spaces for cuddling up and reading, a large table for projects and crafts. They each have a desk in their room for Legos or playing Minecraft, and we have a little backyard where they can be active with a trampoline and archery equipment. We also have some indoor exercise equipment for physical activity. And since both of our boys are autistic with specific sensory needs, we've set up the spaces to be sensory friendly as well. We have fidget toys, an indoor trampoline, and the lighting, sounds, and smells are adjusted to their preferences.

Number two, we embrace technology thoughtfully. I know that all unschooling families handle screens differently, but for our family, they are a source of play, entertainment, connection, and learning. We see them as a tool, and we're helping our kids to learn how to use technology responsively, effectively, and safely.

Number three, we support their social and emotional development. We leverage online community resources like online clubs that open doors to social opportunities and group learning experiences, and local community resources like libraries, museums, and science centers to enrich our children's learning environment. While social outings are still a challenge, we make an effort to facilitate social engagements with peers in whatever ways they can access at this time, such as online gaming, attending family events, or playdates with cousins. As we go about our day to day life, we have lots of opportunities to work on emotional development, practicing skills like empathy, conflict resolution, and effective communication. Each day we tailor our activities to fit their interests and needs and support them as they pursue projects that are meaningful to them all while embedding practical life skills into our daily routine. We stay responsive to what's working and what needs adjustment to make sure our unschooling environment evolves with our kids so they have the resources, opportunities, and support needed to develop in ways that resonate deeply and personally with them.

And number four, we facilitate their interests and exploration. We pay attention to each kid's interests and provide materials and experiences to support those interests. For example, my youngest loves Legos. So we get books on Legos, watch movies about Legos, YouTube videos, and shows about Legos. We visit different Lego stores, we build Lego sets, we organize Legos, we play Lego Fortnite, and we read the Lego magazine. I get Lego sets to fit different holidays as an offering to strew that brings together my interest of holidays with his interest of Legos.

While we're talking about interests, I want to talk about how interests are the key to the world for our kids. Have you seen that documentary on Netflix about a couple of Rubik's cube solving champions called The Speedcubers? One of the champions, Max Park, is considered one of the greatest cubers of all time. He was also diagnosed with autism at two years old. He had impaired motor skills, so his mom taught him how to solve a Rubik's cube that he showed interest in. That led to him learning speed, cubing, and performing at competitions. The documentary highlights how his deep interest in Rubik's cubes led to social connections, opportunities to practice emotional regulation, and other skill development. I loved it, and it resonates with our experiences.

Like other autistic people, both my boys have special interests. They are highly focused on that particular topic, and they dive deep into it. Special interests are a source of joy and coping for autistic people. They are also the key to the world and to the development of so many other skills and learning. And I've seen how this works with my own kids.

Like I mentioned previously, one of my son's special interests is Lego, and he also loves Minecraft. So our days are wrapped up in Legos and Minecraft. And with those two special interests, we cover every subject. I'll break it down for you. And these lists aren't even exhaustive. Here are some of the skills and learning opportunities we cover just by playing Minecraft.

Creativity and imagination, players can build virtually anything they can imagine in Minecraft. From simple homes to complex cities and mechanical devices, encouraging creative thinking and design skills.

Problem solving: Minecraft presents players with challenges such as finding resources, building shelters, surviving against enemies, which develop critical thinking and problem solving abilities.

Technical skills: Redstone, Minecraft's version of electrical circuitry allows players to create simple or complex contraptions, teaching basic principles of electronics, logic and computer programming. And modding the game is a precursor to coding skills.

It teaches mathematical skills: building structures requires an understanding of geometry, spatial reasoning, and volume calculation, making Minecraft a practical application for math. It's also helped them learn and strengthen their multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction skills.

It also teaches project planning and management. Large builds or survival mode challenges require planning, resource management, and time management skills.

It can also teach collaboration and social skills. Multiplayer modes encourage teamwork, communication, and collaboration as players work together on projects or explore the world.

We cover geography and environment. The game features diverse biomes and terrains, sparking interest in geography, environmental science, and sustainability. We went to a museum last week of natural history and we went in their gift shop and they had all these crystals and rocks and my kids were naming them and I was like, how did you know what these were? And it was through Minecraft. And they even told me all these cool facts about them. Oh, the Egyptians used to use this for blah blah blah. I was just so amazed at what they're learning through playing.

So like I said, Minecraft can also teach history and culture through themed builds or exploring historical concepts within the game, players can learn about different cultures and historical periods.

Now shifting to Legos here are some of the skills and learning opportunities we cover with playing with Legos.

Fine motor skills: manipulating the little Lego pieces helps improve dexterity, hand eye coordination, and motor planning.

It also teaches creative and imagination. It gives him a medium to express himself creatively. Turning abstract ideas into tangible objects.

Teaches spatial awareness: constructing models requires an understanding of spatial relationships, enhancing spatial reasoning and visualization skills.

Gives him a chance to practice following directions. He loves building the specific sets that require careful attention to detail and accurately following directions.

He's also learning engineering and design principles. Assembling Legos to create stable structures teaches basic engineering concepts such as balance, symmetry, and structural integrity.

He gets to practice problem solving, figuring out how to construct complex models or finding ways to use specific pieces. Encourages innovative thinking and persistence.

Gets to practice collaboration. Working on Lego projects with others fosters teamwork, sharing, and communication skills.

It gives him a medium for storytelling. He creates scenes or scenarios with Lego sets or makes little movies. It encourages narrative skills as he invents stories about his creations.

It also gives him a chance to work on persistence and patience. Completing intricate Lego models requires focus, patience, and perseverance, which are valuable skills for long term projects and goals.

And guess what? He's learning all of these things through play, without even realizing it. There isn't any resistance because he is genuinely interested in it. It is meaningful learning.

When we worked with a neuropsychologist to get evaluations done for both boys in the final report, she noted that they would benefit from a homeschool program that is low demand, interest based, and self directed. She encouraged us to keep homeschooling both boys and explained that it would be a good fit for their brains. It was so validating for me that we had found something that is supportive of their brains and the way their unique minds work.

Unschooling freed us from traditional educational approaches that didn't meet my children's unique needs. It gave us the freedom to explore, grow, and learn in a way that celebrates their individuality and respects their autonomy. This path has given me trust in their natural curiosity and capacity to lead their own learning adventures. And it's shown me that when we create an environment that honors their interests, supports their challenges, and champions their strengths, it paves the way for truly joyful learning. I've learned the value of staying flexible and nurturing the strong connection with my children and giving them the freedom to explore and learn in a way that resonates with them. And I've learned there's lots of ways to learn. I hope our story inspires you to find the education approach that allows your child to flourish in their own extraordinary way.

Thanks for tuning in today, as I discussed our journey from traditional school to unschool, I'd love to hear from you. What challenges have you faced with your child's educational journey? If you're unschooling or pursuing an alternative education for your child, what inspired you to do so? I'm considering creating some resources for unschooling families, like maybe a list of strewing ideas. Would you find that helpful? Let me know. You can send me a DM on Instagram @maybethiswillbethecure.

If you're enjoying the podcast, you can subscribe or follow along in your podcast app such as Apple or Spotify so that you can easily catch the next episode. If this episode was helpful to you, consider sharing it with a friend or leaving a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. Thanks for letting me talk your ear off. Until next time.

Thanks for joining us today. Where dreams are nurtured, challenges are met with resilience and every tiny step forward is a victory. Hit subscribe so you can easily find new episodes and join this community, because maybe this will be the cure. Close.

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