118: "I have my own identity. I'm also a military spouse. That's part of me, too." Embracing and serving the military spouse community with Britt Lanza

Artwork for podcast Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth

Episode 22 • 1st November 2021 • Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth • Jen Amos

Jen Amos 0:00

All right. Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the award winning podcast show holding down the fort. I am your Creator and co host Jen emos. And of course, as always, I have my co host with me, Jenny Lynch, Drew Jennylyn. Welcome back.

Unknown Speaker 0:12

Hey, glad to be here today.

Jen Amos 0:14

Yes, for sure. Considering how this is like your last meeting of the day, I'm so glad I get to like, end the day with you.

Speaker 1 0:20

I know. I know. Me too. I like when my days and with good conversation.

Jen Amos 0:25

Yes. Speaking of which, we are going to have a great conversation today because we have a fellow podcaster right part of our conversation today. So let me go ahead and introduce you all to Brittany Lanza, also known as Britt Britt is a military spouse, entrepreneur and podcaster and community leader. So as I mentioned, we have a fellow podcaster. She is the host of moments with an M E O. And she will explain what an MBO is later. I'm really excited about it. I looked it up. And I love it. Without further ado, Britt, welcome to holding down the fort.

Speaker 2 0:56

Thank you guys so much for having me. This is going to be awesome.

Jen Amos 1:01

Yes, we had a lot of offline talk before we officially got started here. And so first and foremost, at the time of this recording, but I just want to congratulate you for your one year anniversary for podcasting. I know you started last year. So let's open up with that. What compelled you one year ago to start your podcast show moments with an Emmy? Oh,

Speaker 2 1:20

that is such a great question. So a year ago, I was dealing with reintegration. And my husband had come home, from an Afghanistan deployment very angry. And I'm the kind of spouse who I'm just the kind of person really, who wants to do everything to make the other person okay. Like I don't like seeing somebody suffer. I don't think anybody enjoys seeing their friend or their spouse suffer in any way. And so when he came home, that at the time was his third deployment, it was my first deployment. And reintegration was just very, very hard because I was down his throat. And he needed space. And I didn't understand that. But I also hadn't embraced the military community as I have now. So I had heard stereotypes about what it meant to be a military spouse. And I was like, Oh, I don't want to be that. And I'm like, oh, gosh, you know, I don't want to be a dependent or any of these other terms that they throw around. And my husband was one of those people who was putting that kind of stereotype into my head. He was like, now you don't want to associate yourself with that. And so I had gone through deployment, basically alone, I had a deployment buddy, who got me through Thank goodness for her. But I hadn't embraced the military community. And so he came home in February. And come September, I was like, my life is a mess. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who my husband is anymore. I don't know what our marriage is anymore. I need help. And, you know, I was just like, I can't be the only one. I can't be the only one feeling this way struggling through reintegration not understanding what the heck military life is. And so I started the podcast very abruptly. I was originally interviewing spouses from my base just to kind of get a feel for like, what military life was like, what do you do? Are you in corporate? Are you an entrepreneur? Are you a stay at home mom? Like, what is my life? Considering we're not having kids for a couple years? And so through that, I was like, you know, I should start recording these, like, why am I not recording these, and I kicked myself even today for not recording them in the beginning. But I literally just sat down with my laptop, and I just talked all my feelings out into my laptop, posted it on line. And I just messaged everybody on my Instagram, and I'm on the website, and I was just like, hey, guys, just turn it up on

Unknown Speaker 4:02

gas. Like, go check it out.

Jen Amos 4:05

I love it. Sometimes you just have to do that. But continue.

Speaker 2 4:08

No, yeah. And you know, I wasn't really sure like, what kind of reception that was gonna get. I was like, maybe I'll delete this tomorrow. I don't know. But it was overwhelmingly supportive. And just a lot of people who are like, this is me, or I've been there. And it just motivated me beyond belief. And it's just grown since then.

Jen Amos 4:29

Awesome. I love that. Jenny Lynn, I know that you had an article a while ago, some time ago now about reintegration. And so I'm curious if you had any thoughts you were nodding a lot. Obviously. I can't see you nodding but I saw you nodding does our listeners know any thoughts on what Britt has shared so far?

Speaker 1 4:44

Oh, man, like the first three sentences of our story could have been hours. reintegrated. The title of that article is reintegration as a beast. Originally it was a bad word, but making it for public consumption made it easier to get it published. You know, and and really that article was a reflection of our time post Matthews Afghanistan deployment, which was his second, but as a Navy spouse very different than the Navy deployment we had done. Yeah. So I think it is awesome that out of that you a took it upon yourself to interview people and just talk to people and try to embrace a community that you thought were not your people. You know, the more spouses I talked to, the more grateful I am for my own spouse story, which was from very, very early on as a spouse, I had really great spouse mentors, and never had that IQ associated with like the spouse community. But it makes me so sad to hear that one, it's really pervasive, especially within the Active Duty community that they would like, kind of keep that up, like, Oh, you don't want to associate with them, because of whatever whatever, like actually, you do want to associate with us because we're awesome. And we are a great community a great support system for each other. Now, I get that they're one offs here and there. But by and large, you know, I am so grateful to be part of a community that by and large is so supportive of one another. And I think it's awesome that you started talking about your reintegration story because honestly, I read the article, I think, probably some really, to why you started the podcast is, it's something nobody really talks about. Because it's hard, because it's messy, because once you know the homecoming banner is down and you're face to face with real life. It's not pretty anymore. So you know, kudos to you. Also, my entry to podcasting was similar. Jen was like, I need a co host. And I was like, sure that sounds fun. I'll join your podcast and tell my friends.

Jen Amos 6:58

So are your boys still surprised that you podcast I'm just curious to know like it has that like been normalized yet?

Speaker 1 7:04

A little bit. It's funny, Braden, I just talked about it this morning, because I said I had some interviews on tap today. And he was like, Oh, do you still like that? I was like, Yeah, I do very much. And he was like, Okay. Like, they're very unimpressed with 11 and 10, the mom podcast because you know, I'm not one of the YouTubers making like $10 billion on every video they post for middle school drone under watch.

Jen Amos 7:32

That's so funny.

Speaker 2 7:33

You know, Jenny, you mentioned like, reintegration, something nobody talks about, I feel like it's kind of like that postpartum journey. I've never been a mom. But I know everybody talks about like, you know, I see posts, like nobody warned me about, you know, the days after you bring home the cute newborn. You know, it's, it's the same thing. You know, the days after you bring home your spouse from having a rigorous schedule. My husband worked for seven months in the dark, he had night shift over there. And so you know, he wasn't getting sunlight. He wasn't getting to do activities, because he was sleeping. We went through a really rough time over there, where they were targeted, and he said his last goodbyes. To me, he was instructed to an eye to him. And so I think all of that kind of created this resentment towards each other where he didn't want me around, because he was still trying to figure out him himself in this new environment. And going back to being home, he just needed the space. And I, as a new spouse, I just didn't know that. And so I just kept trying to, again, I was just down his throat, like, come on, like, Let's do stuff. Let's go hiking. Let's adventure. Let's take vacations. And that's not what he needed. But I didn't know because I wasn't in the military community. And I didn't have anybody to ask. Yeah, yeah. So

Jen Amos 8:57

one thing I think is really interesting, right, is that you created your company, new altitudes, which is really helping people with their goals, no matter where they're stationed. And you mentioned to hit there you said hiking, you know, hiking, you know, with your husband. And I know that part of your branding with new altitudes includes a mountain. And so tell us a little bit about how you know, after this reintegration, and everything, tell us a little bit about how your journey as a military spouse led you to creating something such as new altitudes.

Speaker 2 9:29

Yeah, thanks for asking. This is a question I love getting, because I love talking about it. My husband and I did a lot of hiking while we were going through the pandemic, and reintegration at the same time, because that's always fun. And so we were hiking almost every day. And it was the one time that we weren't arguing the one time where we were thinking about the future and that things were nice. We were unplugged. You weren't dealing with anything that was happening around the world and it just brought me so much clarity. And I love hiking, I have for the last probably eight years, my family growing up was not very active. But moving out here to Tucson, stationed at dem we have loved the hiking and the outdoor adventures, my two dogs love to go hiking. So when I decided to create a business for military spouse entrepreneurs, I really wanted to offer that clarity. I was like, I wish I could just like take everybody hiking. But the other hardship with military life is that you're constantly moving, right? Your community is constantly shifting and changing and you're constantly having to network again, the beautiful thing about the online space and about social media is that you can create online communities, right where you are, so that no matter where you go, no matter where you're stationed, you know, somebody or somebody knows somebody that you know. And so kind of that community aspect coupled with that clarity that I found hiking, I just wanted to give that to everybody. And I hope that I am.

Jen Amos: 11:13

Yeah, I love that. Because I think sometimes the way to mending a relationship is not always through words, I have come to learn that in the recent years, my love language has grown to be words of affirmation, hence why I'm a podcaster. And I'm always astounded when people can't explain their feelings to me, you know, like, it just blows my mind. But I realized that sometimes people just need to do stuff with you, you know, like, my husband, for example, is very much acts of service. Like he expresses his love by making me breakfast or running the grocery store, or, you know, being there with me when Jennylyn and I caught up at Mill spouse fest about a couple weeks ago, at least at the time of this recording now. And so tell me a little bit about that hidden secret you found in hiking with your husband that you want to share today for our listeners? Yeah, well, there's

: 12:03

a lot. There's a lot that goes into that, right, because you're unplugged. And as a social media, someone who used to be known as solely social media, now I've I've expanded to just business coaching in general. But as someone who was focused strictly on Instagram going, you need to unplug is kind of unheard of. But it's my very first suggestion to anybody, a lot of my clients come to me because they're overwhelmed about social media, or how to show up in the social media realm as a business. And so the first thing that I took away from hiking is just to unplug to just be and it's not easy. And just like a deployment, you know, you have to kind of figure out who you are, it's a lot of internal figuring yourself out while you're waiting for your spouse to come home. And hiking is similar, where you're just being and that's that authenticity part of you, right? Who are you? What are your dreams? What do you want to do, and it's not comparing yourself to the next spouse or the next business or while this person did that. So that's where I should be going. It's literally you just pick a trail that you want to do, and you go, and if you decide to go off the trail, that's okay, too. But finding that clarity, and that center of just being is just so important as a small business,

Jen Amos: 13:34

I like that you say that bread, because the last place I was living at was on a farm in the middle of nowhere in West Virginia, and with a population of less than 1200 people. But one of the issues we had out there was okay, I was like learning this for the first time. But there's certain places where you need something called a VPN, which is I think it's like a private network for your internet. And so otherwise, you wouldn't have access to the internet. So one, where we were at, we had no data. So our only form of communication with anyone was through Wi Fi. And we needed to get, you know, like this, you know, this VPN thing. But it was interesting, because I didn't realize how much I would appreciate kind of like my lack of connection to the world. Till we were there for a couple of weeks. Because, you know, once I was done doing calls like this, I would just step out of our Airbnb and just look at nature, you know, like the place we were staying at. The owners have owned that land since the 1890s. You know, so it's like fourth generation there. That's like, who you know, the fourth generation decided, hey, let's profit off this lab. Let's have a number of Airbnbs on here. So FYI, if anyone's looking for a middle of nowhere getaway, I mean, West Virginia hit me up, I have a reference. But anyway, I'm commenting on the fact that like, there's something powerful about nature, right, just being out being unplugged from technology from the internet, from social media, for that matter, like you said to find that clarity, and in a way it was it was actually interesting. So You know, when I went back to Virginia Beach to see Jenny Lynn and go to Mills spouse fest, you know, again, I went from a population of 1200 people to like half a million in Virginia Beach. And I felt overstimulated it was it was so astounding to have experienced that, that when we came back, I was like, Oh, yes, mountains, goats. I mean, I didn't play with the goats or anything, but they're their goats, cows, you know, like, farm cat that keeps, you know, messing with my dogs a story for another time. But you know, just to be in touch with nature, like I hear what you're saying. It's like when you unplug, you're able to find that clarity. And I love the talk about

: 15:39

nature. And it reminded me of my patio here in Virginia Beach, having come from California, where we had a concrete patio, outside of our concrete house, you know, didn't provide a lot of that. And so I got really into growing succulents, they became my most favorite thing, because one, they're really hard to kill. And two, they're very pretty. And so coming back to my home state, and really almost my hometown, and having like a yard and grass, and things have been just some of my most favorite things. And it is now I hate to say it out loud, because I don't want to jinx it. But it's been in like the 60s in the morning. And it's lovely. And so I bought patio furniture. And the last couple mornings, I've actually sat outside and done some of my work before I've had to be like at the computer, and it has just, it's so peaceful. And it's so needed, especially in this season of like work in life where everything is Go, go go and like back to back. It's been really nice to like sit outside with a piece of paper and a pencil and like kind of start my day with like, here's what needs to be done or like, I'll write out a strategic plan before I type it up, because it just gives me like that time and space clarity. So I'm not surprised that all of this and inspiration came to you while on a hike. I love being outside the way that I love being outside. If I say I love being outside, my husband's gonna like comment on this podcast, because I am not an outdoor don't don't let that confuse you with being outdoorsy. Not the same.

Jen Amos: 17:16

I agree. I agree. Because God like so at the farm, they have like, kind of like hiking trails there. I was like, man, these guys have so much land, they can create this whole like hiking trail. But anyway, you know, before I came, there was this hiking trail where it was like all tall grass, and like, you know, obviously him and my dog would end up getting ticks and ticks on them. And I'm all like, I like being outdoors, but not like that. So I understand what you're saying.

: 17:39

Yeah, ticks or bugs are not for me. bugs and snakes. I'm good. But put me on a hiking trail where I can see the trail and we're good.

Jen Amos: 17:51

Yeah, absolutely. So Britt in what you do at New altitudes you like to specifically focus on and I'm going to say the acronym, M E O's. And I actually really like this for our show, being a military spouse, military family focus podcast, you're actually the first person I've met to have this acronym. So why don't you let people know? What is an MBO?

: 18:13

Yeah, so my business bestie and I were and actually, my business bestie is the one who actually did the watercolor of the mountain for my logo as well. But we were just hanging out, this was back, oh, gosh, almost a year ago. And I was like, you know, there's something so unique and so special about being an entrepreneur and part of the military community. It is so much more than being just a CEO. Like there's something so powerful about that. And we were talking and she goes, Well, it's kind of like an M E. O. And I was like, That is brilliant. So an M E O is just a CEO, but military version. And so it is so much more than just a CEO or just a founder of something. It's someone who's part of the military community, who's also creating or starting or helping to start a business, a podcast, a blog, a YouTube channel, anything like that. And I love when people are so well receptive to that because being an amnio is like, part of the military community, and it's just so special.

Jen Amos: 19:28

Yeah, because often I'll hear, let's say, like, mill, printer Mills, Bo printer, you know, but I have never, you are definitely the first to have come up with the term or at least in you know, to my knowledge to have me do and you're right, you know, unless you're fortunate like Jenny Lynn to have a full time job, you know, a lot of spouses resort to entrepreneurship. And so I really like that you have decided to, you know, focus on this fine niche of a market because Jennylyn always reminds me of the numbers here. But the military spouse community is a very, very, very, very, very small, you know, less than a percentage of our military community. And so I like how you, you know, honed in on that particular demographic. More importantly, I like how you know, you want to work with people who are living the military lifestyle, wanting to work with that lifestyle as opposed to against it. Now, if you can stress the importance of that, I like that, because often it I feel like this life would be when we share our story, it almost comes off as an uphill battle sometimes, but I like your take on like, well, let's work with it rather than against it.

: 20:36

Absolutely. So we were talking before we hit record earlier about how I came into this, while my spouse was already part of the military. He had been in the military for six years. And so I kind of popped out of nowhere and was like, Hey, you should ask me out on a date. And so that's how our relationship started. And I didn't really understand what it meant to be part of the military community. And his standpoint was, oh, yeah, no, you don't want to be a defender. Like don't call yourself a male. So like, please don't. And of course, since my platform, he's changed his mind, which is good.

Jen Amos: 21:17

You know what great idea. I'm actually going to dive into this lifestyle actually.

: 21:21

Right, typical wife, right? Like, I'm going to do the exact opposite of what you're saying and created an entire brand around it. And I was really stuck at first going, Okay, I'm not a civilian. Because I'm dealing with military life. My civilian friends don't understand why he's not coming back home for Christmas. Like, why doesn't he just get PTO was a question I got asked multiple times, you know, and it's so silly. But they were like, yeah, like, man, he can't even come home for Christmas. And I was like, No, he can't like, not his choice. And so I wasn't really part of that world anymore. I also didn't feel like I was part of the military spouse, or military community, either, because we'd been married for one month before he deployed. And so I was thrown into this. And I was like, alright, well, he's telling me, I don't want to be associated with these people. But I'm not associated with these people. Really? Where is the balance? And it was really, really hard for me over a year and a half later to embrace that. And now that I have, I've seen the incredible community. And the incredible resource that we as a community are, I mean, you need anything I see on the spouse pages all the time. Oh, hey, does anybody have butter? I'm halfway through making this recipe and I just realized, I don't have any. And I don't want to go to the store. Like is anybody you know, where's my neighbor's butter? Or oh, man, like we have to go to the hospital? Can someone watch my kids? Like, no matter what a military spouse is there, like, it doesn't matter where you are, you could be out in the boonies somewhere, and you probably know somebody. And so kind of engrossing myself into this community and just sitting in it and just loving it and realizing all the good, that if I had listened to my husband, I wouldn't know about, I just want everybody to embrace being a male. So being active on social media, I get a lot of those snarky troll comments that are like, Oh, just hiding behind his uniform, or, you know, you have your own identity. And that's 100% True. I do have my own identity. I am an entrepreneur. I'm a businesswoman. I'm a podcaster. But I'm also a military spouse, that's part of me too. And so for anybody listening, or even trying to talk to your spouse about this, I just want people to realize the benefits of embracing this community because it is so special, and it is so unique, you will never find this anywhere else. And so it just gives me goosebumps and makes me teary eyed just thinking about the connections, the family, the community that I wouldn't have if I didn't embrace it. So I want you to embrace being a male. So I want you to embrace being a military girlfriend or fiance, or wife, or husband or spouse, whatever it is, I want you to embrace that. And I want you to also embrace the other parts of you that make you unique as well.

Jen Amos: 24:34

Yeah, you know, I know Jenny Lynn often talks about her sense of responsibility to communicate the civilian and military gap that she is privileged to hold and So gentlemen, I'm sure you have a lot of thoughts about this.

: 24:47

So many thoughts. No, I mean, I It's interesting to hear Brett's story and how like you came to all of these like conclusions right like I jumped into the military spouse world very early into my marriage just by nature of, you know, what we were doing, like, you know, his deployment schedule and things like that. And never really gave it much thought that I was anything other than a military spouse. And I don't mean that I didn't have any other things that I was, but like, one, it was a title that I embrace, open handler, like, gladly. And this is, you know, this is part of my identity now. But as I've gotten older, and we've gone through multiple transitions, and multiple re integrations, and you know, multiple separations and deployments, and all of the things, you know, I did a couple years ago, take a really hard look at, like, what it meant to identify solely as a military spouse, because I'd gotten kind of stuck in that, well, this is what I am. And this is what I'll Oh, you know, this is what I'll always be until Matthew gets out, and then I'll have to figure it out again, oh, my God, I don't even want to think about that. Like we have so many years before that happens. We don't have that many years anymore, by the way. Another time? No. So you know, I did I took a really hard look at it and went, you know, what are all of these things that I've done, and all of these things that I am. And what makes the most sense to me, and really what I've come up with is like, one, I have a teacher heart, I have a master's degree in elementary education. I taught school for several years. And two, I really, really love being a military spouse and being part of a community that I I don't know, that you can find anywhere else. And so like Jen said, for me, that has meant that I have come into owning that, like my mission in life. And my mission statement is we talked with the male military spouse, Keith. Oh, yes, Kiki, yeah, Keith, you know, that really, my mission statement is because I live in both worlds simultaneously, I am technically a civilian, also have access to base that, you know, I see myself as a teacher of that, because I think that there is such a gap, such a wide gap between military and civilian life, that without good teachers, they will only continue to widen. And so you know, for me, that's where I've really seen, like, where, where I want to go in life, like I will continue to do good work in the military, mental health space. That's what I'm paid to do. And I actually very much love that. But part of that is also taking the knowledge that I get from working in that space and making it palatable to people who aren't in that space to go, Hey, we're just people. Like, we're just people. And here's some things we face. And we'd love for you to face them with us.

Jen Amos: 27:57

Yeah, beautifully said.

Unknown Speaker: 27:58

I 100%. Agree. Yeah.

Jen Amos: 28:01

Yeah. So I'm curious now, but now that you have just, you know, dive into the deep end of being a military spouse and creating this concept of the me Oh, has your husband's perception changed? You know, Mossos? Because he told you very early on Oh, don't be like them. And if he has, what is that cut? What was that epiphany for him? Like what Eddie realize?

: 28:23

Yeah, my husband is very stubborn, as I think most husbands are. And so you know, I remember going to him and saying, okay, my ideal client is going to be the military spouse. And he was like, ah, like, literally, that was his face. He's like, Oh,

Jen Amos: 28:41

wow, what a supportive husband.

: 28:43

Right? He was like, really? Like, come on. Like, like, Can't you think of like anybody else you want to help? Wow. I was like, okay, but my husband only knew what they joked about, you know, locker room style at work. Right. Like, I think the very first term I ever heard him use was dipende eponymous. And I was like, That is disgusting. Like, I wouldn't want to wish like, no, like, I don't want to be that. And so it took a lot for me to even acknowledge or want to acknowledge that I was part of this. But as I've gone through this, as I've interviewed spouses, and you know, every single time I talked to somebody, I go to him, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, this person is amazing. Look at what they're doing, or Wow, this mom is taking care of five kids running a six figure business and going through deployment right now. Like how, like, these are the inspiring people that we have in our community. And I think what's happened for him is the more I have talked to him about the people I'm meeting the people I'm talking to How successful I'm becoming, it's really kind of slowly. It was not like a lightbulb moment for him. But it's just slowly transitioned him from you, the military spouse, like, that's a disgusting word, to oh my gosh, these people are really, really cool. I recently, and I say recently, but it was really like, probably four months ago now. So almost six months ago, by the time this airs, I did a podcast interview with him where I switched, and he was the host. And I had our listeners ask us a bunch of questions. And one of the questions was, does Nick even know what Brett does? And, you know, just hearing his response, you know, going, Oh, my gosh, yeah, like, this is what you're doing. This is who you're helping this is the community that we're part of. It's just opened his eyes a lot. And I think, you know, I mean, he was a young guy, when he got into the military, obviously, not looking for a wife at the time. And so he had six years of conditioning. So it took him about a year for me to condition him out of it. And I just think the more that we're vocal about the not only the stigmas and stereotypes, but also how that's not true, and how are breaking them? I think the more that those younger guys getting in, won't even think of that as a possibility. And I truly believe that that's where these stigmas and stereotypes kind of start is through the jokes in the locker room. You know, that's just what I think happened, at least for my husband.

Jen Amos: 31:36

Yeah, and you know, and I think the way to unpack those stereotypes is through storytelling, you know, and here having people share their personal narrative of what this military life experience is like. So I just want to applaud you for, you know, adding, and I'm taking this phrase from genuine from a past interview, but adding to the good press of our military community by amplifying our stories. So I just, like I said, I want to commend you for that.

: 32:03

Oh, man, I mean, you guys saw me like physically cringe, depend upon a mess. potamus. Like, you know, it's fascinating to me that those stereotypes still exist, because my own social media feeds are so full of military spouses who are anything but dependent on anyone other than, like, the community, that helps them a lot. But it's not a dependency, like they can't do them without them. without other people, it's they choose to do it with other people to help amplify the whole community. And so I have a very visceral reaction to any any other term other than like military spouse or military significant other because I think, you know, as Britain I've both shared like, it is certainly part of who we are, it is not all of who we are. And it is a community that we are both very proud to represent and be a part of, but don't ever tell me I'm dependent, like, let's be honest about who runs things around here. is holding down the fort for real. Yeah, it's holding down the fort, this girl like, well, you know, refer back to other episodes where I've talked about the 59 things that are happening at my house right now that I am solely in charge of, we'll just leave that there. Yeah.

Jen Amos: 33:23

Yeah. Wonderful. So Brett, as we wrap up here, I want to see if you had any more thoughts to speak to, let's say, the spouse who happens to be listening to this show for the first time and happens to fall across this conversation, and maybe has a lot of pride in wanting to embrace being a male CIO or a military spouse? Do you have any comments to that listener?

: 33:48

Absolutely, definitely feel proud. I mean, I could not be more proud to be part of this community. And like Jenny, Lynn was saying, it's not that you're dependent on the community, but use it to your benefit. I mean, we're all here. We all love what we do. And, you know, I fully believe like, my platform is full of people who are anything but dependent. When I became a military spouse, or a dependent, quote, unquote, I had six years in the corporate world under my belt, and I was climbing the corporate ladder. And, you know, I knew who I was, and I knew who I wasn't. And I wasn't dependent, that's for sure. And I just, I wish that I had embraced being part of the military community while Nick was deployed. Because I feel like I would have had a lot more resources, a lot more questions answered. And I feel like that year and a half of struggling with my husband to figure out what he needed when he couldn't vocalize what he needed. I just wish I had known I wish I had had mentors and people I could ask. And that's just one of the many benefits of this community is that by embracing it and just being part of it, you're not saying, oh, man, I'm a dependent. I can't do anything by myself. You're not saying that you can't get a job. You're not saying you can't run a business. Like you can do all those things. You can be the breadwinner for your family that is 100% possible. But it's just embracing the community and allowing it to help you through whatever journey you want to go on whatever trail you want to hike per se.

: 35:34

I think if we're speaking to the brand new young spouse in this moment, and I, I want to use young in the term of like, unseasoned perhaps you don't have to be like very young, but just new to being a military spouse, like, absolutely 100%. Find a mentor, find the group of people you can hang out with and talk to whether you're trying to launch a business or just need some companionship, like, honestly, it is this community that, you know, saved me in many ways from like self imploding from all of the thoughts that you have, like that you think nobody else may have, chances are somebody has and can point you in the right direction, or point you to the right resource, or literally show up with butter. That is also a very true and helpful thing.

Jen Amos: 36:26

Yeah, you know, one thing I want to add in regards to just the beauty of this community is, you know, I often mentioned that I'm a Goldstar daughter, but I don't mention that I'm a civilian, you know, like, I have been a civilian for 20 plus years now. And the only reason why I am involved in this community, again, is because my husband, who's a veteran, and he, we focus on working with the military community specifically. And in a way, I'm so glad that he came into my life and that we're doing this work today because, you know, I felt really lost after my family catapulted into the civilian life, I felt like no one understood why I liked having a diversity and friends a diversity and projects, how I just always had this weird feeling inside of me to want to just start over, you know, because as a military child moving every two to three years, you know, that, that doesn't leave you. You know, and, and if I look at just the course of my life, and especially in my adult life, you know, some people, you know, civilian or civilian counterparts may look at that and be like, Oh, she's so scatterbrained, she doesn't know what she wants, she doesn't know how to commit yada, yada, yada. Not that I've ever heard anyone say that to me. But that's what I think people often will probably think of me. But like, what I love about doing this podcast, and being a part of this community is being reminded, like, where I come from, and why I love doing so many things, and surrounding myself with so many different types of people. It's just because of how amazing and hidden gem the military community is. And so that's just something I wanted to add. So in speaking of community and being involved in the community, great. I know, for you being authentic, especially online is important. And it's something that you often speak about. So do you care to elaborate on that?

: 38:10

Of course, I care a great deal. You know, a small business right now is still kind of an oddity. I've been going through some medical issues, I fell while hiking. And so my knee and my ankle are all messed up, and I still get shocked looks, when you know, the insurance person comes around, they're like, alright, well, who's your employer? And I'm like myself, like, I am my employer. And it's really cool to say that, but it's also like, you get those like what

Jen Amos: 38:45

I get exactly whenever they say like, who's your employer? I'm like, self employed like so here you go. I go on.

: 38:51

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So myself, I'm my own employer. Right now, it is still one of those things. That's an oddity, it's still something that's a rare unicorn that you find randomly. And you love it, because it's a small business. But Forbes has recently predicted that in the next, like five to six years, 75% of the workforce is going to be freelancers. Everybody's getting burnt out from their corporate jobs. Nobody likes their corporate job anymore. After living remote life and having flexible schedules and being able to do what you want during 2020. A lot of people are seeking that. And there's been a huge growth spurt in small business and business ownership over the last year and a half. And it goes without saying that when you start to have more and more and more and more of these things, they're less like unicorns and more like regular plain old horses, right? So the beautiful thing about being authentic and genuine, especially online, especially around your small business, is that your small business has to stand out. It has to be special and what makes yourself My business special what makes your soap company better than the next soap company? It's you. It's it's you like You are what makes you special. And so Jen and Jenny Lynn, you guys are what make this podcast special. Right? People don't listen because of one guest. I mean, maybe but not really. They listen because they like you guys. You guys are special. And you guys throw out though. Yeah, we're moving again. Oh, yeah, we've been moving around, you know, this is my life. This is who I am. You guys are showing up authentically. And that builds community. What we need to do as small business owners, but especially the military community, which loves supporting one another is we need to embrace our own authentic selves, and allow that to come through this last Christmas, I decided that all of my gifts were going to come from small business, particularly military spouse or veteran owned businesses, every single gift that we sent to family to friends, all my siblings to all Nick's siblings, it had to be from a small business that was either male spouse, veteran or active duty owned. Well, okay, great. But there are like 30 Candle companies that are run by military spouses, right, we chose a specific couple companies to represent this community based on Okay, well, this is going to go and help her pay for her son's soccer. In the spring, this is going to help her daughter get all those sequins on her dance costume, right. And I know these things, because they share these things on their social media. They're sharing those late night moments, or they're sewing up the dance costume. They're sharing photos and videos of their kids playing sports or family photos of going on vacation. You want to support those people because you feel like you know them. And so the more that you can show up authentically, the more you can allow your audience to come in and to know you, the better. And that doesn't mean you have to break your own boundaries to do it. I have plenty of clients who say that they don't want their kids on social media, that's fine. You don't have to post a picture of your kid to talk about the fact that they're going to soccer camp, right? There's lots of different ways that you can get around sharing personal details like your address, obviously, you don't want to share that, or maybe where you're stationed. I don't talk about what my husband does in the Air Force, because that's very personal. And I don't want to get targeted for that. And so there are certain boundaries that you can have while still being open and authentic. It's just finding that perfect balance. But when you do that people want to show up and support you because they know you. They know Brett, they know Jen, they know Jennylyn and they want to support you in that way. And I think that's really special.

Jen Amos: 42:45

Well, I think that is beautifully said and you know, we were talking about this offline about how I've really just minimized the amount of time I spend on social media. But when I do go on there, it's true. It's typically promotional, but I've learned that I can still share parts of my story that align with like, kind of my my business endeavors. And so that's how I've learned to draw the line, you know, rather than just passively talk about how I'm having a depressive episode today, that isn't no relation to, you know, what I'm doing, I can talk to a therapist about going through depression, you know, I've learned to be like, Oh, well, let me share this aspect of my life that could relate that could possibly speak to, you know, my ideal clientele my ideal audience, my community. And so that's kind of how I learned to do that. As opposed to, like you said, feeling this pressure, if you're going to be a personal brand, which I know is a buzzword nowadays, it's like there is this odd pressure to feel like you need to share everything, you know, the donut you bought at the store, like your dog walking your dog, you know, like, grabbing coffee, like there's this weird pressure by I appreciate you sharing that you don't have to do that there are certain you can set boundaries as to you know, what aspects of your life, you know, that you really want to share. And if you think about it, you know, a lot of a lot of celebrities do that, you know, they even if they are in public, they only disclose certain parts of themselves. And it's okay to have a personal life. You know, in fact, it's it's important, it's precious, you got to protect that. And you know, be mindful of you know, what you share. You know, Jenny Lynn, I know that you are very transparent of your life, but I'm sure there's still parts for you that you prefer to keep private, right?

: 44:20

Oh, for sure. And part of it to you, I think, you know, is the season two, right? Like, I have a love hate relationship with my Facebook memories every day. Sometimes. I really love them because they show my cute squishy toddlers and sometimes I really hate them because they remind me of something that wasn't so great or what have you. Or like, they remind me of an outfit that the movers lost this year around that I no longer own. Either way, love hate relationship with them. But what I know will happen come 2022 Is that when those Facebook memories pop up, there's going to be a lot missing from 2021 and I have found myself in a space of really having to give myself a lot of grace for that. Because I am really busy, we did just move, my husband is on sea duty, I have two kids playing a sport, like, I'm a co host on this podcast, like I have all of these things, they're very full and fulfilling and good. And for me, it really comes around like writing, like, I love writing. And that here lately, like some things have popped up that I wrote, like, a year or two ago that I was like, wow, who was that girl? That was really insightful. Like, when did she have time to write that? Like, and, and why? And then the next thing was, and why am I not doing that today? Well, the reason I'm not doing that today is because of all the things I just listed plus, you know, throw in a home renovation, and you know, and, and, and, and, and so I do, I am very vulnerable and transparent online, that is who I am. Okay, being there. And also in this season, people see a lot of like this podcast, and a lot of things for the company I work for, because that's the level of time I have, it doesn't mean that I'm being any less transparent or myself, those things are both equally as important to me as my writing. And because those things are important. Those are the things that are getting shared. And so I think that personal branding is hard, like when I struck out as a writer, and like, made my own Facebook page and put all my writing on there, like and my face is the page, you know, it was very, it, I did have a really hard time with that. And right now I'm like going through this season of trying to figure out like, it's okay not to keep that up in that way, because I have all of these other places where I am able to be also wholly myself.

Jen Amos: 46:47

Yeah, I really like how you said it's seasonal, you know, like, sometimes I'm gonna post a lot, sometimes I'm not because I have a life. Okay, so there you go. There you have it.

: 46:55

Yeah, you know, Jenny Lynn, when you're talking about how like, overwhelmed you are with all of your normal things, like, that's normal, right. And a lot of my clients come to me because they're like, I am just overwhelmed with social media. I don't know, what I should be posting, I hear I should be posting three times a day. And I should be posting on my stories. And I should be posting on this. And I should be doing that. And that's just for one platform. And then there's like 30 platforms that are all social media. So where should I be. And if I may, I would love to just offer just three quick tips that you can implement right now. So if you're listening to this episode, you can take this and start implementing it now. And you will see a shift. The first is something called documenting. And it's something that I love to do, because it's so quick, so easy. And it's for those busy people who are like, I have nothing to talk about. I don't know, anything that I can talk about, right? I don't know what to post. And all you do is for 10 minutes, you just take a notebook and a pen around with you. And you write down everything that you're doing. It seems really silly, but I love doing this when I'm starting my morning routine. So when I wake up, it's from an alarm on my phone, I don't have an alarm on my bedside table. But I always turn it off. And then I lay in bed for about 10 minutes, just checking all my notifications before I actually get up. And then when I'm up, the first thing I do is I make the bed. And then I go and I feed the dogs. And then normally I would take them on a walk right? And so I go through all these motions. What kind of coffee? Am I pouring myself? What kind of mug? Am I putting it in? What type of coffee? Is it? Is it a small business? Or is it a big brand? Why do I love this coffee. And you just do that for 10 minutes, you're going to have an entire list of things that you can talk about. Because believe it or not, people love to know what kind of coffee you drink in the morning. They love to see a boomerang of your dogs on a leash in front of you that you're going on a walk. They love seeing people's days. They love seeing that routine. They love being part of the experience. You can post in the morning, I see a lot of fitness small business owners do this. These are two outfits, which one should I wear tomorrow, and they have people vote. It's so silly. It's so simple, but it works because the next morning they just check it alright, I'm wearing this outfit, right? It's something I wanted to wear or else I wouldn't have made it an option. But it just gives your audience that kind of feeling like they're part of the experience. When you ask them which mug should I use. And it doesn't matter if you use the one that they voted on or not like they're not really going to know. But just having them be part of that experience. And having them you know be part of that journey with you makes them feel responsible, in part for your small business and when they feel responsible. They want to keep showing up. So that's my first tip. My second tip is that you should regularly now regularly look It's different for everybody. But you should regularly show up with an introductory post. Whether you enjoy putting selfies up on your business page or not, I highly encourage face to camera interaction as much as you can, especially on Instagram. But I would just encourage you to do a meet the maker or a meet the business owner meet the MBO. And just, I like to do it once a month, you don't have to do it that often. But just sharing three things about you. And it could be your favorite color, it could be the color of, you know, your favorite bunny rabbit growing up, it doesn't matter what you talk about. But just showing up and letting people in again, makes them feel responsible for part of your journey, which is fantastic for your business growth. The third and final thing that I will offer is just to be real, don't sugarcoat things. And don't be who you're not on social media. A lot of times we get caught up in trying to be, you know, if you see somebody and you're like, man, they're always in button down shirts and slacks and I am a t shirt and leggings kind of person. Don't show up how you're not. And so I just want to encourage you to show up authentically, because if you don't, if you try showing up like someone else, what happens is that it comes off fraudulent and it doesn't come off real and authentic. So those are my three tips that someone can implement right now, to just start being vulnerable and open without breaking any boundaries are anything that makes them uncomfortable.

Jen Amos: 51:33

I love those tips. I think they're great, easy bite size tips. And it's kind of getting me to reflect on you know, why I stopped posting to begin with but how I can sort of, I mean, not stopped posting, obviously, I'm still posting but like, how I stopped posting, like, part of how I stopped posting a certain way was because I found myself like, wanting to write like these elaborate descriptions for my post just for the sake of it. Like just because it seemed like I just got into that habit. And then I think I like it was over critical of myself or whatever, I just didn't like that, you know, let's say I would take a picture of something, because I liked it and I felt like I felt compelled to make it up a description just because I liked that photo I wanted to justify and also sound like I was full of wisdom, you know, with this pose. But I really like the way that you describe these tips because it gives me ideas on like, Okay, if I start sharing snippets of my life again, it doesn't have to be this grandiose like, oh, I walk my dog every day because it reminds me of when I was 10 years old and blow you know, like not not doing the whole like let me talk about my childhood thing with a photo of my dog because of a photo of my dog but yeah, I just I just really liked the those bite sized tips that you have to share and I think are really easy for people to digest and do themselves. Genuine I know you're not a business owner but you are a blogger so I think technically you know you have a personal brand and you are you do promote yourself so I'm curious what it's like for you to hear you know these three tips from Britt.

: 52:58

But definitely wrote them all down on a sticky note that will go in the notebook where I keep all the good ideas. And I you know I love that last one like just be real don't show up how you're not. I'd like to say to the people who are the button down shirt, Slack people or the full face makeup people like if that is you show up that way to like you don't need to take it all off because somebody else is I am one of those people like please hear me say like, I actually really enjoy doing my makeup and I do my makeup for me. I don't do it for you. But you're rarely going to find a photo on my Facebook page or Instagram that doesn't have me and makeup because I like doing it. I like curling my hair Jen knows my hairs for almost every day like unless I'm really sick it usually looks like I'm like so

Jen Amos: 53:44

impressed at your level of self care because like my level of self care when it comes to like skincare or whatever is like I lighter. And then I just recently bought like brow glue I didn't even know this was a thing because my eyebrows are just keep like dropping but it's a way to keep your brows like still. You know if that if that makes sense. So I know you guys are looking at my brows well. Brows, but they would like drop because of how expressive I am. But anyway, I just I do have to comment and compliment you for your level of self care to put makeup on because even for me, I'm like, I'm constantly debating like check it foundation. Like I know some foundation has like SPF on it. So that's like actually good for me anyway. But like, I mean, there's just so much in my mind, I feel like it's so much effort to put on makeup that I am constantly astounded at just how you always show up the way that you do. You know and I and you know that I mentioned that quite often and even when I text you every now and then, but everyone has their own kind of self care, right? It's like that your self care is is the makeup for me. It's like it's journaling. It's it's reflecting it's doing audio like audio blogging for myself, it just looks different for everyone. So I just, you know, again, kudos to you, you know, for doing that and mentioning that and continue.

: 54:52

Well, I mean that that was really it like, I think that just be really who you are like, I mean, Jen, the clothes that you wear It looks so comfortable. And I am immediately like, wow, I wish I felt, I wish I felt comfortable myself in wearing something like you do because you just wear it like you own it. And for me that like, I'm going to put on a dress in heels. That's what I feel most comfortable. And there's a part of me that looks at people that don't fit that isn't their standard of what they feel best in that I was like, Oh man, I so I think there's all there's always going to be that wish that it was something else. But like, whatever it is that you are like, seriously, if you're scrolling on Instagram, you're gonna see a lot of pictures in that home in that handmade skirt, because it's freaking awesome. And I love

Jen Amos: 55:41

I know exactly what you're talking about. And I love it. And you should keep its fancy

: 55:44

and and I love that like and I love but that's just who I am. Like, I've always been that way and I'm not you know. So if you're looking for pictures of me and my sweats, you're probably not going to find it. But that's not because I'm not being wholly myself. Like, I really like wearing that skirt. Let's be honest.

: 56:01

Yeah. And that's, that's authentic for you, right? Like, if I were to put on slacks, I'll be honest, I only own two pairs of slacks. Like that's how non, like traditional I am when it comes to to my wardrobe. But don't ask me about how many leggings just in case my husband listens to this later. You know, if I were to show up every day, all dressed up and pretty necklaces, which I have a bunch I don't wear them. I don't know why I don't wear them. It's just not authentically me. And if I had a full face and makeup on, and I showed up, I wouldn't feel comfortable, right? You're talking about how Jen feels and looks. She just looks comfortable in her clothes. Jennylyn you look comfortable in a full face. And you know, the beautiful clothes. And I wouldn't I wouldn't look comfortable in that. I'd be like, Man, this is kind of tight and kind of itchy. Like, like, Man, this necklace keeps making noises like

Jen Amos: 56:58

happening like my armpits and my neck. I can't stand it. So it's like loose tops. And like I you know, I just wear earrings to make up for my quote unquote, lack of jewelry here. But anyway, yes, I hear you keep going.

: 57:09

No, absolutely. And so just showing up, however you are but doing it authentically and don't. It's really, really hard, especially on social media where everything is a comparison game. It's just so important to just show up as you I had a client who was like, man, like, I'm really sassy. I'm very sarcastic. But I don't want to show that on my feed. Because if I do, then I'm gonna scare people away. And I was really bummed out. So I was like, man, but do you really want to work with people who can't handle your sarcasm, if they get on a one on one call with you? Right? If they're reading your blog, and you're sarcastic? Do you want people who are not finding that entertaining or interesting to come and read it? Probably not. Because you're not going to convert, you're not going to have fun with that audience. I was like, You need to show up as you and let everybody else go. Because people are gonna unfollow you if they don't match. And that's good. Because it means that your people are in your community. And that's what's important. So absolutely. Thank you for bringing that up. Anyone? Yeah,

Jen Amos: 58:13

sure. Wow, I just love everything about this conversation, just validating everyone to be their most, you know, authentic self and, and being comfortable, you know, like being comfortable being your most authentic self. So I love it. Yeah, even today, like part of like, why I'm wearing a hat is because I didn't blow dry my hair on time after I got a shower. So my hair is kind of everywhere. So anyway, this is what I feel comfortable in. And I'm proud of it and our listeners can't see anyway. So all that being said, Brett, I just feel like we had such a wonderful conversation today. And you know, one thing that kept coming up that you kept hinting at is that you have clients. And so, you know, for people that want to reach out to you and learn more about what you do. Let us know how can they find you? And what are some things you're offering right now?

: 58:57

Yeah, so number one, you can always listen to the podcast. That's moments with an M, E O. And we're launching Season Three come October. So it'll probably be out by the time this episode airs. So we've got Season Three already up. We have over 80 stories from military spouse and veteran entrepreneurs from literally all over the world. I've interviewed male military spouses in Italy, and in Germany, and I have interviewed many, many, many spouses and a couple of veterans from all branches right here in the States. And so highly encourage you to check that out. That's on every platform and YouTube as well. Moments with an M e o podcast. And then you can always join the Instagram community that I've got over there. That's new underscore Altitude's. And if you type in Mill, so business, you're going to find me on usually the first thing that pops up. So come join us there. I'm constantly offering free value as far as, you know, social media and just business, mental mindset, all of that. And so you can definitely check out the free resources there. And of course, there's ways to get on a one on one call or my group coaching program, which is the me Oh, cash squad every quarter.

Jen Amos: 1:00:18

Fantastic. Well, Wow, I feel good. This was a great way to wrap up our day. Right, gentlemen, I know this is like your last day. But we want to thank you again, so much for joining us on our show. It's been an absolute pleasure having you and I know that our listeners will get a lot of value from our conversation today. So thank you again.

Unknown Speaker: 1:00:36

Thank you guys so much for having me.

Jen Amos: 1:00:38

Yes. And of course, Jennylyn. Thank you, as always, for CO hosting with me, Brad and I were talking offline about like the benefits of having a co host. And I mean, what's not good about having a co host? I just think it's been such a pleasure having you in these last two, three seasons now. So thanks again for CO hosting with me today. Absolutely. So

: 1:00:55

glad to be here. This is one of my most favorite things.

Jen Amos: 1:00:59

Yes, absolutely. And of course, to our listeners, thank you all so much for listening. Of course if you want to get a hold of Brett, you can check out the show notes of this episode or you know, rewind a couple of seconds, no big deal. But other than that, thank you all so much for joining us, and we'll chat with you in the next episode. Tune in next time.

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