105. I'm Gentle With My Daughter for Ten Minutes. Then I Tell Myself to Stop Being Such a F*cking Embarrassment

Episode 105 • 14th May 2026 • ADHD Mums • Jane McFadden

You can talk your daughter down in two minutes. Then you turn around and tell yourself to stop being such a f*cking embarrassment.

Same brain. Same mum. Two completely different voices within minutes.

🧠 What we cover in this episode:

Why you can co-regulate a child in two minutes and tear yourself apart for the rest of the day
The "good girl" reflex and how we absorbed an inward voice between six and twenty-six
Why co-regulation is a directional skill — and most ADHD mums have only built it pointing outward
Why the inward channel isn't empty — it's full of RSD running threat assessment on you
Why "be kinder to yourself" has never worked (and isn't going to)
Why gratitude journals, affirmations, "filling your cup," and "talk to yourself like your best friend" don't fix this
Why softness towards yourself can feel like a threat to the structure holding everything together
The identity layer — being "the regulated one," the calm mum, the one who handles it
The one thing that actually works — and yes, you'll feel ridiculous doing it

💭 This episode is for you if:

📥 Free Resource:

➡️ Energy Accounting Guide — for when you've worked out the cup isn't empty, it's got a hole in the bottom of it. A free guide to figure out where your energy is actually going. 👉 Download here

📓 Want to go deeper?

The ADHD Values & Planner is for when you realise being "the regulated one" has become an identity, not a choice — and you want to find your way back to what actually matters to you. 👉 Get the planner here

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