Happy Valentine’s Day week!  In this traditional day, week, month of LOVE I thought it would be interesting to explore “self love” and what that is, actually.  As a coach I have the honor to work with people, and the human experience is quite incredible.  I am always so curious as to how it is that we turn on ourselves so quickly and wouldn’t dare do that with others. So today let’s explore self love, actually and a seven step process to have self love be consistent in your life, afterall you truly deserve it.

Highlights from this episode:

(03:33) Caring for yourself is essential

(05:49) Self-care is self-love

(10:04) Act on what you need, not what you want

(13:33) Setting boundaries

(16:10) Learn to forgive yourself

As mentioned in this episode:

Share your Curiosity Challenges, learnings, and any questions 

IT'S TIME!

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Hey, everyone, I'm Kelly Mobic, a coach and a

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leadership trainer. And I'm super passionate about helping

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you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own

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it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the

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lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your

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gifts, your unique brilliance. And I believe that real leaders

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don't wait. They create. I know firsthand that life is going to

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throw us curveballs that we're going to doubt our greatness,

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our ideas and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe

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in yourself beyond reason. And I get to be a coach and a champion

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for you each week, so that you feel inspired, motivated, and

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most important in action towards your unique impact in this

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world. So let's jump in. Hey, there, Hey there, everyone.

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Welcome to Episode 147. Of let's be honest, before we start

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pretending, and this episode is about self love, actually, and I

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am, I'm pretty stoked to take on this topic. I'm pretty excited.

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So how's your week been? I wanted to give you all an update

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from last week where we talked about up against it. And I

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really trust there were some really good nuggets for you, or

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things you could relate to things that would inspire you. I

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trust that I do. This is why I do the podcast. So I want to

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give you an update. I'm so excited to tell you that I have

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met one of the goals and we are under the BMI requirement to

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have the surgery.

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And I mean, yes, like, Well, I'll tell you what, it's

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amazing. Believe in yourself and ask for help and get into

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action. And so it is right. So that's that's one and we're

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gonna keep trending in that direction. There's a couple more

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things that we've got to we've got to overcome. And and that's

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what we're working on. So stay tuned by next week. Y'all know

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where it's at. And I just want you to know, I'm still terrified

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and excited all at the same time. But wow, it's it's it's

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getting close. It is getting close. So I wanted to say to all

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of you today today, this is dropping on February 13. Which

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you know what that means tomorrow, so we're forth

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February 14. And that means happy Valentine's Day, y'all

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Happy Valentine's Day. And what that day, you know, evokes in me

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most of the time is a reminder to have self love, actually,

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right to have Self Love Actually, we we folk we it's

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easy to focus on others, you know, that we love and it's fun.

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And it's it's important, it's important to acknowledge those

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that we love, whether it's a significant other, maybe kids,

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friends, I love the gallon times thing. I think it's amazing,

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right? Colleagues, clients, team members, you name it, right? I

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think it's so important to acknowledge that just on one

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day, every day, and I think that the person that we often miss is

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ourselves. Truly, it's ourselves. Can anybody relate to

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that? Anyone? Anyone, anyone. So today, we're going to talk about

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cultivating self love. And I know you're gonna walk away with

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some goodness, and a practice to have self love and your life

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because I am a maniac on a mission. I think it would be

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amazing if we could hash some of that self talk that happens in

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our brain. Right they can be so powerful and really stop turning

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against ourselves and turning for ourselves really and truly

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turning for ourselves being our own hype person, our champion.

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Yes, please. That's what we're here for. Okay. So I think a lot

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of times self love has a lot to do with self care. And I know

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self care is almost become a buzzword you know, like on trend

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or what have you. And it gets talked about a lot and a lot of

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times it gets followed up with eye rolls right. But listen

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here, lesson here. self care is essential. It means that you are

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caring for self right caring for so and it could look 55

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Different million ways. Absolutely. It could be a mani

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pedi it could going out and be you know playing golf going for

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a swim going for a hike, getting a massage or reading a good

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book. cozying up you know in a warm blanket by a fire having a

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great conversation with a friend. The list goes on and on

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but get this point. Some people think that self care how To be

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expensive, some people think that self care only falls in

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this sort of like, luxury bougie kind of category. And I say No

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way. No way. self care is really being able to know like, what do

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I require right now, to care for myself right here right now?

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What do I require? Right here right now? Is it a nap? Is it a

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walk around the block? Is it water to, you know, hydrate? Do

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I need some food? Do I need some food? Do I need to move my body?

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What is it right now? That's going to help me? Is it a

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mindset shift? Is it a mindset shift, the list can go on and

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on, on caring for self self care is what is going to bring me the

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care that I require right now. Okay, I'm in charge of that. And

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I think that self care is self love. Actually, I really believe

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that I really believe that. And love is so important to have

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love in our life. And it comes from so many different places

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and where it's got to start is with you, it's got to start with

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you. To be able to love another means that I must be able to

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love myself, okay. And self love is not selfish. It is not

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selfish at all. Taking time for you not selfish, it's essential,

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it is essential. And there's three things that I think are

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crucial. When we talk about self love. One is going to be self

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talk, it has everything to do with inside your mindset. Right?

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It is interesting how we can be so hard on ourselves and have

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quite an interesting conversation that is nowhere

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near kind, nothing in any way, shape, or form that you would

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dare say, or even want to say to another human being, but boy,

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are we saying it to ourselves, we will turn on ourselves. And

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I'm going to suggest that we want to turn for ourselves, not

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on ourselves. Okay. The second one that I think is tried and

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true is having the ability to acknowledge and affirm,

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acknowledge and affirm in ourselves, the things that are

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wonderful, the things that are good, write the things that are

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working for us. And someone even tried to tell me you can't find

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something in a day, and I'm going to challenge you. So bring

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it, bring it, let's go. Because we can find that. And the third

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thing is really this place of acceptance, and accepting what

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is so in your life, accepting what is so in your life, looking

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at what works, what doesn't work, leveraging what works, and

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putting something in play to create something different in

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what doesn't work. And so how do you cultivate all of that? How

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do you cultivate self love in your life? Well, there's seven,

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seven things that I think are really, really important, really

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important. The first thing is to really become mindful. I talk

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about this a lot on the podcast mindset is everything.

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Everything. So how do we know where our mindset is, we've got

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to become mindful. When we are mindful, we can create more self

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love. And when we have more self love, we can tend to know what

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we're thinking, feeling and wanting, right? And then we can

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act on this information. And then rather than looking and

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getting it somewhere else, we can create it, we can create it

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because we understand what is it that's required. That's where

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that self care comes into play. First, we got to be mindful. And

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we've got to really understand what is it we want, and the more

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self love you have, the more you're going to understand that

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and develop disciplines that turn into habits so that it's

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consistent. I have a friend who like there is no other

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conversation. She's gonna move her body daily, because she

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knows that it is required and she has a lot of different ways

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that she does it. She's got variety, variety, and she moves

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rain or shine, rain or shine. And it's almost always the very

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first thing that she's doing in her day, the very first bits of

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activity that she's doing in her day. And it's remarkable, and

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she's exceptional. She's an exceptional human being. And I

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think it's an it's a wonderful thing to really pay attention

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like knowing this is something that is going to give her self

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love and it becomes the non negotiable. Sure it required

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discipline. It still requires discipline. It is now really a

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habit because it's a non negotiable because it's been

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practiced over and over and over. And like the mind, body

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and soul requires it. Okay, the mind, body and soul requires it.

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So that leads into you've got to act on what you need, I like to

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say what was what you require. Now there's a little more

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ownership and require the need right act on what you require,

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rather than what you want, right? Like a my, my friend

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might want to sleep in and might be cold and drizzly and rainy

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outside, but you know what, she's gonna move her body,

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because she knows that she requires that versus maybe you

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know, snoozing on the alarm clock, you've got to love

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yourself, when you you know, you love yourself, when you can turn

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away for something from something that feels really

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good, and exciting to what you require to really stay strong

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and centered, so that you're moving forward in your life,

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right? Think about that for a second. You love yourself, when

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you can turn away for from something that feels good, like

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extra hours under the warm covers, and it feels good, it's

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kind of exciting, get a little more snoozy in there right? To

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what you require to stay strong and centered and moving forward

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in her life like moving your body. That's one example. You

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know, for some it might be, hey, listen, I actually require some

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more sleep, you're gonna know what it is for you. But you're

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loving yourself, when you act on that really, really important.

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acknowledgement and affirmation is also a form of acting, it is

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a form because it requires you to actually acknowledge you can

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do that in writing, you can say it out loud, right? Affirming

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the things that are really wonderful in you. Okay. And the

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third one, practice good self care? Well, we've been talking

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about this, you will totally love yourself more, when you are

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taking better care of your basic requirements. True story, basic

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requirements, you will love yourself more. Have you ever

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heard, like, I have friends that are that, you know, we saw this

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a lot during the pandemic, where all of a sudden we're all

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working from home, and we're like business, you know, on the

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top half, and then it's like, pajamas on the bottom half. I'm

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not saying anything's wrong with that I know, I absolutely

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participate in in that. I also, you know, Zoom is wonderful. You

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can put a little mascara and some lipstick on and call it

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good, right? And that's okay, that's okay. There's nothing

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wrong with it. What I noticed is that on the days that I actually

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what I like to call suit up and show up, I actually felt better,

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it's true. And for any of you that are out there that know

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what I'm talking about, just go ahead and be like, yes, right

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on, I get that I get that I actually felt better, I had more

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energy, okay. So you will love yourself more when you take care

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of your basic needs. And basic requirements is what I like to

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say because it's like, and I'm saying that maybe suiting up

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showing up might not be a basic requirement, but for me in some

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of my days, it 100% is right, suiting up showing up, get up,

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brush those teeth, get the water in nourish, move the body, have

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some self reflection time and some inspiration time before you

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hit the ground running. Those are basic requirements, basic

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requirements, okay, nutrition, exercise, proper sleep,

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connection, healthy social interactions are some of the

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other things, you make your list. Okay? The fourth thing is

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is to be able to set boundaries, okay, to be able to self to set

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boundaries. These are important, these are really important. And

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boundaries. Listen, you'll love yourself more when you set

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limits are saying no, to work, love or activities that deplete

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or, you know, are draining you physically, emotionally and

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spiritually, really and truly, really and truly. So if you're

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experiencing, you know, being emotionally, spiritually

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mentally physically drained, that's the time to stop and look

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and ask yourself, Whoa, are these in alignment with loving

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myself? Actually? Are these in alignment with my values,

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actually? And if not, what boundaries am I going to set?

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Because no one's going to set them for you. You must set them

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for yourself. And in order to set a boundary for yourself,

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you've got to understand what your priorities are. You've got

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to it for any of my people that have a tendency to be people

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pleasing. This is a challenge. This is a challenge. And so one

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of your first steps is to begin to work on that tendency to

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please and start noticing Who am I actually trying to please

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here? Think about that. That's going to be a different episode.

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We'll talk about it Another time, what I'm suggesting is

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learn to set boundaries be really clear about your

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priorities. All right. And the next thing is being able to

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protect yourself, bring the right people into your life,

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bring the right people into your life, the ones that lift you up,

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the ones that are in alignment with your values. Okay? Those

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people, those people, the ones that are creating toxicity, or

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creating more drama, and you're finding yourself like, Oh, this

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is the time to either set a really strong boundary or let

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them go, let them go, Okay, you will love and respect yourself

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more, you really and truly will. And again, there's no rule out

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there that says you have to have these toxic relationships around

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you, these drama relationships around you. And I'm not

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suggesting that you have to totally let them go. If you

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can't, or won't set some pretty strong boundaries for yourself,

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you will respect and love yourself a whole heck of a lot

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better. Okay, here's one, this is number six. And it is so

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important. Forgive yourselves, we are so hard on ourselves so

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hard on ourselves. Sometimes the downside of taking

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responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much

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for mistakes and learning and growing.

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What I'm a big fan of taking accountability and

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responsibility, because here's what I know. We are learning and

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growing. And here's the other thing that I know, mistakes, the

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purpose of a mistake is to learn. That's the purpose of

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mistakes. So we're going to make them. I'm not saying that we

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like them. That's not what I'm saying. But we're gonna make

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them. Okay. So we may as well stop being so hard on ourselves,

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and learn to forgive ourselves, and really lean into and

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practice being less hard. And leaning in and practicing that,

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hey, I had an opportunity to make a mistake, and I took it,

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what can I learn? This goes back to that self talk in your head,

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and really setting up a practice that can have you be kind to

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yourself instead of oh, crap, I really messed this up. Oh my

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gosh, what are they going to think? Oh, you know, Matt's

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actually saying it nicely. Honestly, we can be so much

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harder to okay, I had an opportunity to make a mistake. I

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don't like it. And here's the jam. I'm gonna learn from this.

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And guess what? It's okay. I'm beginning something new. Or

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Guess what? It's okay. I had a little too much on my plate. Or

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Guess what? It's okay. I'm learning. reframe it for

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yourself. We got to stop being so hard on ourselves. We're the

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only ones nobody's keeping score. Just us. So give yourself

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that a straightaway. It's all up from there. All right. And

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finally living intentionally, living intentionally. You will

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expect accept and love yourself so much more. No matter what is

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happening in your life when you live with purpose and have

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designed your life. Huh? What? What do y'all remember Episode

Unknown: 00:18:25

One life's happening for us, not to us. This is what I'm talking

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about. This is what I'm talking about. Life's happening for us,

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not to us. We can create life by design, we get to design it, we

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get to direct our brain the way we want it to go and live on

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purpose in alignment with our values. Okay? Your purpose may

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not always be crystal clear you some of you might be like Kelly,

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I don't have a purpose yet. That's okay. That's okay. If

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your intention is to live, meaningful and fulfilling in a,

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in a healthy life, you're gonna make decisions that support that

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intention. Okay. Remember what I was saying last last week. My

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words for the year are vibrant, and integrity. There's a reason

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I stuck integrity in there. Stuck is putting it lightly.

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There's a reason I'm embracing integrity. Because in order to

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be vibrant, and have the energy and the strength and the glow,

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that I want to have, I've got to have integrity. I have got to do

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the things that I know we're going to support that even when

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no one's looking, because I'm looking and I'm somebody see

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what I mean, live intentionally, live intentionally. You've got

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to establish what your intentions are in order to do

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this. And by doing this, this is self love. Actually, this is

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self love, actually. And so, finally, being able to accept

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this is where I am in my life right Right now, and life's

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happening for me not to be okay. This is me. Oh, that sounds like

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the greatest showmen I love that song. This is me. Let's all

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listen to that today, why not? Why not such a power song, Power

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Zone on such a power song. So remember that, you know, we get

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to live our life by design. Remember, I say this all the

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time we have a choice to lead our life or follow our

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circumstances. And life is always about knowing our

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passions, our purpose, even if it's not crystal clear, and

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creating an impact in our life and the life of others. It's got

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to start with you first though, it's got to start self love,

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actually. And who emerges from taking the lead in their lives

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are authentic, vulnerable, courageous, and really honoring

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what's true for them. It is not always going to look the way we

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think it's supposed to when we really get to trust that more

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always gets revealed as we move forward. So remember, take those

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pauses, self care is great. It is essential. Let go of worry,

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let go of doubt and let yourself let yourself give yourself

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permission to have that self love, actually and live fully.

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The best version of you. The best version of you. You get to

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this is me. This is me. You say that everybody lives in that

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song today. That's gonna be great. It's gonna be like all

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over the let's go. All right, you guys, thank you so much for

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listening today. Next week, next week, we're going to talk about

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fear and courage. Come on, come on. And it's going to be a

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goodie, it's going to be a goodie. So I trust that there

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were nuggets from you today. Remember, it is okay. To Self

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Love, actually. Self Care. Yes, please. And remember that your

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self talk matters, your acknowledgement and affirmations

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matter. Your acceptance matters you matter. So thank you for

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listening today. And I will see you next week. So you know what,

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have a great week ahead. And if it's not shaping up the way you

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want it to take the lead. Create a fantastic one and we will talk

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next week. Take care everyone. Thanks for listening to another

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episode of Let's be honest before we start pretending for

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more resources on taking the lead in your life, head over to

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Kelly J mo beck.com and connect with me on Instagram at coach

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Kelly Moe back. If this episode was helpful for you, please feel

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free to share it with friends rate and review it on iTunes.

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That's Apple podcasts now, and at any time feel free to connect

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with me and let me know what you want to hear next or what you're

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working on. I'm happy to help. Thanks again for listening and

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here's to you taking the lead in your life.