Happy Valentine’s Day week! In this traditional day, week, month of LOVE I thought it would be interesting to explore “self love” and what that is, actually. As a coach I have the honor to work with people, and the human experience is quite incredible. I am always so curious as to how it is that we turn on ourselves so quickly and wouldn’t dare do that with others. So today let’s explore self love, actually and a seven step process to have self love be consistent in your life, afterall you truly deserve it.
Highlights from this episode:
(03:33) Caring for yourself is essential
(05:49) Self-care is self-love
(10:04) Act on what you need, not what you want
(13:33) Setting boundaries
(16:10) Learn to forgive yourself
As mentioned in this episode:
Share your Curiosity Challenges, learnings, and any questions
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Hey, everyone, I'm Kelly Mobic, a coach and a
Unknown:leadership trainer. And I'm super passionate about helping
Unknown:you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own
Unknown:it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the
Unknown:lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your
Unknown:gifts, your unique brilliance. And I believe that real leaders
Unknown:don't wait. They create. I know firsthand that life is going to
Unknown:throw us curveballs that we're going to doubt our greatness,
Unknown:our ideas and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe
Unknown:in yourself beyond reason. And I get to be a coach and a champion
Unknown:for you each week, so that you feel inspired, motivated, and
Unknown:most important in action towards your unique impact in this
Unknown:world. So let's jump in. Hey, there, Hey there, everyone.
Unknown:Welcome to Episode 147. Of let's be honest, before we start
Unknown:pretending, and this episode is about self love, actually, and I
Unknown:am, I'm pretty stoked to take on this topic. I'm pretty excited.
Unknown:So how's your week been? I wanted to give you all an update
Unknown:from last week where we talked about up against it. And I
Unknown:really trust there were some really good nuggets for you, or
Unknown:things you could relate to things that would inspire you. I
Unknown:trust that I do. This is why I do the podcast. So I want to
Unknown:give you an update. I'm so excited to tell you that I have
Unknown:met one of the goals and we are under the BMI requirement to
Unknown:have the surgery.
Unknown:And I mean, yes, like, Well, I'll tell you what, it's
Unknown:amazing. Believe in yourself and ask for help and get into
Unknown:action. And so it is right. So that's that's one and we're
Unknown:gonna keep trending in that direction. There's a couple more
Unknown:things that we've got to we've got to overcome. And and that's
Unknown:what we're working on. So stay tuned by next week. Y'all know
Unknown:where it's at. And I just want you to know, I'm still terrified
Unknown:and excited all at the same time. But wow, it's it's it's
Unknown:getting close. It is getting close. So I wanted to say to all
Unknown:of you today today, this is dropping on February 13. Which
Unknown:you know what that means tomorrow, so we're forth
Unknown:February 14. And that means happy Valentine's Day, y'all
Unknown:Happy Valentine's Day. And what that day, you know, evokes in me
Unknown:most of the time is a reminder to have self love, actually,
Unknown:right to have Self Love Actually, we we folk we it's
Unknown:easy to focus on others, you know, that we love and it's fun.
Unknown:And it's it's important, it's important to acknowledge those
Unknown:that we love, whether it's a significant other, maybe kids,
Unknown:friends, I love the gallon times thing. I think it's amazing,
Unknown:right? Colleagues, clients, team members, you name it, right? I
Unknown:think it's so important to acknowledge that just on one
Unknown:day, every day, and I think that the person that we often miss is
Unknown:ourselves. Truly, it's ourselves. Can anybody relate to
Unknown:that? Anyone? Anyone, anyone. So today, we're going to talk about
Unknown:cultivating self love. And I know you're gonna walk away with
Unknown:some goodness, and a practice to have self love and your life
Unknown:because I am a maniac on a mission. I think it would be
Unknown:amazing if we could hash some of that self talk that happens in
Unknown:our brain. Right they can be so powerful and really stop turning
Unknown:against ourselves and turning for ourselves really and truly
Unknown:turning for ourselves being our own hype person, our champion.
Unknown:Yes, please. That's what we're here for. Okay. So I think a lot
Unknown:of times self love has a lot to do with self care. And I know
Unknown:self care is almost become a buzzword you know, like on trend
Unknown:or what have you. And it gets talked about a lot and a lot of
Unknown:times it gets followed up with eye rolls right. But listen
Unknown:here, lesson here. self care is essential. It means that you are
Unknown:caring for self right caring for so and it could look 55
Unknown:Different million ways. Absolutely. It could be a mani
Unknown:pedi it could going out and be you know playing golf going for
Unknown:a swim going for a hike, getting a massage or reading a good
Unknown:book. cozying up you know in a warm blanket by a fire having a
Unknown:great conversation with a friend. The list goes on and on
Unknown:but get this point. Some people think that self care how To be
Unknown:expensive, some people think that self care only falls in
Unknown:this sort of like, luxury bougie kind of category. And I say No
Unknown:way. No way. self care is really being able to know like, what do
Unknown:I require right now, to care for myself right here right now?
Unknown:What do I require? Right here right now? Is it a nap? Is it a
Unknown:walk around the block? Is it water to, you know, hydrate? Do
Unknown:I need some food? Do I need some food? Do I need to move my body?
Unknown:What is it right now? That's going to help me? Is it a
Unknown:mindset shift? Is it a mindset shift, the list can go on and
Unknown:on, on caring for self self care is what is going to bring me the
Unknown:care that I require right now. Okay, I'm in charge of that. And
Unknown:I think that self care is self love. Actually, I really believe
Unknown:that I really believe that. And love is so important to have
Unknown:love in our life. And it comes from so many different places
Unknown:and where it's got to start is with you, it's got to start with
Unknown:you. To be able to love another means that I must be able to
Unknown:love myself, okay. And self love is not selfish. It is not
Unknown:selfish at all. Taking time for you not selfish, it's essential,
Unknown:it is essential. And there's three things that I think are
Unknown:crucial. When we talk about self love. One is going to be self
Unknown:talk, it has everything to do with inside your mindset. Right?
Unknown:It is interesting how we can be so hard on ourselves and have
Unknown:quite an interesting conversation that is nowhere
Unknown:near kind, nothing in any way, shape, or form that you would
Unknown:dare say, or even want to say to another human being, but boy,
Unknown:are we saying it to ourselves, we will turn on ourselves. And
Unknown:I'm going to suggest that we want to turn for ourselves, not
Unknown:on ourselves. Okay. The second one that I think is tried and
Unknown:true is having the ability to acknowledge and affirm,
Unknown:acknowledge and affirm in ourselves, the things that are
Unknown:wonderful, the things that are good, write the things that are
Unknown:working for us. And someone even tried to tell me you can't find
Unknown:something in a day, and I'm going to challenge you. So bring
Unknown:it, bring it, let's go. Because we can find that. And the third
Unknown:thing is really this place of acceptance, and accepting what
Unknown:is so in your life, accepting what is so in your life, looking
Unknown:at what works, what doesn't work, leveraging what works, and
Unknown:putting something in play to create something different in
Unknown:what doesn't work. And so how do you cultivate all of that? How
Unknown:do you cultivate self love in your life? Well, there's seven,
Unknown:seven things that I think are really, really important, really
Unknown:important. The first thing is to really become mindful. I talk
Unknown:about this a lot on the podcast mindset is everything.
Unknown:Everything. So how do we know where our mindset is, we've got
Unknown:to become mindful. When we are mindful, we can create more self
Unknown:love. And when we have more self love, we can tend to know what
Unknown:we're thinking, feeling and wanting, right? And then we can
Unknown:act on this information. And then rather than looking and
Unknown:getting it somewhere else, we can create it, we can create it
Unknown:because we understand what is it that's required. That's where
Unknown:that self care comes into play. First, we got to be mindful. And
Unknown:we've got to really understand what is it we want, and the more
Unknown:self love you have, the more you're going to understand that
Unknown:and develop disciplines that turn into habits so that it's
Unknown:consistent. I have a friend who like there is no other
Unknown:conversation. She's gonna move her body daily, because she
Unknown:knows that it is required and she has a lot of different ways
Unknown:that she does it. She's got variety, variety, and she moves
Unknown:rain or shine, rain or shine. And it's almost always the very
Unknown:first thing that she's doing in her day, the very first bits of
Unknown:activity that she's doing in her day. And it's remarkable, and
Unknown:she's exceptional. She's an exceptional human being. And I
Unknown:think it's an it's a wonderful thing to really pay attention
Unknown:like knowing this is something that is going to give her self
Unknown:love and it becomes the non negotiable. Sure it required
Unknown:discipline. It still requires discipline. It is now really a
Unknown:habit because it's a non negotiable because it's been
Unknown:practiced over and over and over. And like the mind, body
Unknown:and soul requires it. Okay, the mind, body and soul requires it.
Unknown:So that leads into you've got to act on what you need, I like to
Unknown:say what was what you require. Now there's a little more
Unknown:ownership and require the need right act on what you require,
Unknown:rather than what you want, right? Like a my, my friend
Unknown:might want to sleep in and might be cold and drizzly and rainy
Unknown:outside, but you know what, she's gonna move her body,
Unknown:because she knows that she requires that versus maybe you
Unknown:know, snoozing on the alarm clock, you've got to love
Unknown:yourself, when you you know, you love yourself, when you can turn
Unknown:away for something from something that feels really
Unknown:good, and exciting to what you require to really stay strong
Unknown:and centered, so that you're moving forward in your life,
Unknown:right? Think about that for a second. You love yourself, when
Unknown:you can turn away for from something that feels good, like
Unknown:extra hours under the warm covers, and it feels good, it's
Unknown:kind of exciting, get a little more snoozy in there right? To
Unknown:what you require to stay strong and centered and moving forward
Unknown:in her life like moving your body. That's one example. You
Unknown:know, for some it might be, hey, listen, I actually require some
Unknown:more sleep, you're gonna know what it is for you. But you're
Unknown:loving yourself, when you act on that really, really important.
Unknown:acknowledgement and affirmation is also a form of acting, it is
Unknown:a form because it requires you to actually acknowledge you can
Unknown:do that in writing, you can say it out loud, right? Affirming
Unknown:the things that are really wonderful in you. Okay. And the
Unknown:third one, practice good self care? Well, we've been talking
Unknown:about this, you will totally love yourself more, when you are
Unknown:taking better care of your basic requirements. True story, basic
Unknown:requirements, you will love yourself more. Have you ever
Unknown:heard, like, I have friends that are that, you know, we saw this
Unknown:a lot during the pandemic, where all of a sudden we're all
Unknown:working from home, and we're like business, you know, on the
Unknown:top half, and then it's like, pajamas on the bottom half. I'm
Unknown:not saying anything's wrong with that I know, I absolutely
Unknown:participate in in that. I also, you know, Zoom is wonderful. You
Unknown:can put a little mascara and some lipstick on and call it
Unknown:good, right? And that's okay, that's okay. There's nothing
Unknown:wrong with it. What I noticed is that on the days that I actually
Unknown:what I like to call suit up and show up, I actually felt better,
Unknown:it's true. And for any of you that are out there that know
Unknown:what I'm talking about, just go ahead and be like, yes, right
Unknown:on, I get that I get that I actually felt better, I had more
Unknown:energy, okay. So you will love yourself more when you take care
Unknown:of your basic needs. And basic requirements is what I like to
Unknown:say because it's like, and I'm saying that maybe suiting up
Unknown:showing up might not be a basic requirement, but for me in some
Unknown:of my days, it 100% is right, suiting up showing up, get up,
Unknown:brush those teeth, get the water in nourish, move the body, have
Unknown:some self reflection time and some inspiration time before you
Unknown:hit the ground running. Those are basic requirements, basic
Unknown:requirements, okay, nutrition, exercise, proper sleep,
Unknown:connection, healthy social interactions are some of the
Unknown:other things, you make your list. Okay? The fourth thing is
Unknown:is to be able to set boundaries, okay, to be able to self to set
Unknown:boundaries. These are important, these are really important. And
Unknown:boundaries. Listen, you'll love yourself more when you set
Unknown:limits are saying no, to work, love or activities that deplete
Unknown:or, you know, are draining you physically, emotionally and
Unknown:spiritually, really and truly, really and truly. So if you're
Unknown:experiencing, you know, being emotionally, spiritually
Unknown:mentally physically drained, that's the time to stop and look
Unknown:and ask yourself, Whoa, are these in alignment with loving
Unknown:myself? Actually? Are these in alignment with my values,
Unknown:actually? And if not, what boundaries am I going to set?
Unknown:Because no one's going to set them for you. You must set them
Unknown:for yourself. And in order to set a boundary for yourself,
Unknown:you've got to understand what your priorities are. You've got
Unknown:to it for any of my people that have a tendency to be people
Unknown:pleasing. This is a challenge. This is a challenge. And so one
Unknown:of your first steps is to begin to work on that tendency to
Unknown:please and start noticing Who am I actually trying to please
Unknown:here? Think about that. That's going to be a different episode.
Unknown:We'll talk about it Another time, what I'm suggesting is
Unknown:learn to set boundaries be really clear about your
Unknown:priorities. All right. And the next thing is being able to
Unknown:protect yourself, bring the right people into your life,
Unknown:bring the right people into your life, the ones that lift you up,
Unknown:the ones that are in alignment with your values. Okay? Those
Unknown:people, those people, the ones that are creating toxicity, or
Unknown:creating more drama, and you're finding yourself like, Oh, this
Unknown:is the time to either set a really strong boundary or let
Unknown:them go, let them go, Okay, you will love and respect yourself
Unknown:more, you really and truly will. And again, there's no rule out
Unknown:there that says you have to have these toxic relationships around
Unknown:you, these drama relationships around you. And I'm not
Unknown:suggesting that you have to totally let them go. If you
Unknown:can't, or won't set some pretty strong boundaries for yourself,
Unknown:you will respect and love yourself a whole heck of a lot
Unknown:better. Okay, here's one, this is number six. And it is so
Unknown:important. Forgive yourselves, we are so hard on ourselves so
Unknown:hard on ourselves. Sometimes the downside of taking
Unknown:responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much
Unknown:for mistakes and learning and growing.
Unknown:What I'm a big fan of taking accountability and
Unknown:responsibility, because here's what I know. We are learning and
Unknown:growing. And here's the other thing that I know, mistakes, the
Unknown:purpose of a mistake is to learn. That's the purpose of
Unknown:mistakes. So we're going to make them. I'm not saying that we
Unknown:like them. That's not what I'm saying. But we're gonna make
Unknown:them. Okay. So we may as well stop being so hard on ourselves,
Unknown:and learn to forgive ourselves, and really lean into and
Unknown:practice being less hard. And leaning in and practicing that,
Unknown:hey, I had an opportunity to make a mistake, and I took it,
Unknown:what can I learn? This goes back to that self talk in your head,
Unknown:and really setting up a practice that can have you be kind to
Unknown:yourself instead of oh, crap, I really messed this up. Oh my
Unknown:gosh, what are they going to think? Oh, you know, Matt's
Unknown:actually saying it nicely. Honestly, we can be so much
Unknown:harder to okay, I had an opportunity to make a mistake. I
Unknown:don't like it. And here's the jam. I'm gonna learn from this.
Unknown:And guess what? It's okay. I'm beginning something new. Or
Unknown:Guess what? It's okay. I had a little too much on my plate. Or
Unknown:Guess what? It's okay. I'm learning. reframe it for
Unknown:yourself. We got to stop being so hard on ourselves. We're the
Unknown:only ones nobody's keeping score. Just us. So give yourself
Unknown:that a straightaway. It's all up from there. All right. And
Unknown:finally living intentionally, living intentionally. You will
Unknown:expect accept and love yourself so much more. No matter what is
Unknown:happening in your life when you live with purpose and have
Unknown:designed your life. Huh? What? What do y'all remember Episode
Unknown:One life's happening for us, not to us. This is what I'm talking
Unknown:about. This is what I'm talking about. Life's happening for us,
Unknown:not to us. We can create life by design, we get to design it, we
Unknown:get to direct our brain the way we want it to go and live on
Unknown:purpose in alignment with our values. Okay? Your purpose may
Unknown:not always be crystal clear you some of you might be like Kelly,
Unknown:I don't have a purpose yet. That's okay. That's okay. If
Unknown:your intention is to live, meaningful and fulfilling in a,
Unknown:in a healthy life, you're gonna make decisions that support that
Unknown:intention. Okay. Remember what I was saying last last week. My
Unknown:words for the year are vibrant, and integrity. There's a reason
Unknown:I stuck integrity in there. Stuck is putting it lightly.
Unknown:There's a reason I'm embracing integrity. Because in order to
Unknown:be vibrant, and have the energy and the strength and the glow,
Unknown:that I want to have, I've got to have integrity. I have got to do
Unknown:the things that I know we're going to support that even when
Unknown:no one's looking, because I'm looking and I'm somebody see
Unknown:what I mean, live intentionally, live intentionally. You've got
Unknown:to establish what your intentions are in order to do
Unknown:this. And by doing this, this is self love. Actually, this is
Unknown:self love, actually. And so, finally, being able to accept
Unknown:this is where I am in my life right Right now, and life's
Unknown:happening for me not to be okay. This is me. Oh, that sounds like
Unknown:the greatest showmen I love that song. This is me. Let's all
Unknown:listen to that today, why not? Why not such a power song, Power
Unknown:Zone on such a power song. So remember that, you know, we get
Unknown:to live our life by design. Remember, I say this all the
Unknown:time we have a choice to lead our life or follow our
Unknown:circumstances. And life is always about knowing our
Unknown:passions, our purpose, even if it's not crystal clear, and
Unknown:creating an impact in our life and the life of others. It's got
Unknown:to start with you first though, it's got to start self love,
Unknown:actually. And who emerges from taking the lead in their lives
Unknown:are authentic, vulnerable, courageous, and really honoring
Unknown:what's true for them. It is not always going to look the way we
Unknown:think it's supposed to when we really get to trust that more
Unknown:always gets revealed as we move forward. So remember, take those
Unknown:pauses, self care is great. It is essential. Let go of worry,
Unknown:let go of doubt and let yourself let yourself give yourself
Unknown:permission to have that self love, actually and live fully.
Unknown:The best version of you. The best version of you. You get to
Unknown:this is me. This is me. You say that everybody lives in that
Unknown:song today. That's gonna be great. It's gonna be like all
Unknown:over the let's go. All right, you guys, thank you so much for
Unknown:listening today. Next week, next week, we're going to talk about
Unknown:fear and courage. Come on, come on. And it's going to be a
Unknown:goodie, it's going to be a goodie. So I trust that there
Unknown:were nuggets from you today. Remember, it is okay. To Self
Unknown:Love, actually. Self Care. Yes, please. And remember that your
Unknown:self talk matters, your acknowledgement and affirmations
Unknown:matter. Your acceptance matters you matter. So thank you for
Unknown:listening today. And I will see you next week. So you know what,
Unknown:have a great week ahead. And if it's not shaping up the way you
Unknown:want it to take the lead. Create a fantastic one and we will talk
Unknown:next week. Take care everyone. Thanks for listening to another
Unknown:episode of Let's be honest before we start pretending for
Unknown:more resources on taking the lead in your life, head over to
Unknown:Kelly J mo beck.com and connect with me on Instagram at coach
Unknown:Kelly Moe back. If this episode was helpful for you, please feel
Unknown:free to share it with friends rate and review it on iTunes.
Unknown:That's Apple podcasts now, and at any time feel free to connect
Unknown:with me and let me know what you want to hear next or what you're
Unknown:working on. I'm happy to help. Thanks again for listening and
Unknown:here's to you taking the lead in your life.