What if healing from trauma isn't about becoming the person you were before it happened, but learning to understand and have compassion for the person you are today?

In this episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction, I sit down with Rachel Buckmaster for an honest conversation about living with PTSD and what healing has actually looked like for her.

Rachel was diagnosed with PTSD at 18 and has spent years working through her experiences with therapy, self-awareness, and more recently EMDR.

But this conversation isn't about pretending that healing makes everything disappear.

We talk about what happens when trauma shows up as perfectionism, overworking, shame, isolation, difficulty slowing down, and that constant feeling that you have something to prove.

Rachel also shares one of the biggest lessons she's learned: sometimes being gentler with yourself actually helps you move forward more than constantly pushing yourself to "do better."

In this episode, we talk about:

• What PTSD can look like beyond the stereotypical flashback

• Why trauma can stay with us long after the event is over

• Rachel's experience with EMDR

• How shame can fuel perfectionism and overworking

• Why high-functioning doesn't always mean someone is okay

• Learning to identify and name your emotions

• The importance of self-compassion in trauma recovery

• Why talking about what happened can help break isolation

• Learning to become curious instead of judgmental about your reactions

• Why healing doesn't have to happen overnight

Most importantly, this episode is a reminder that there IS hope.

Your childhood and your trauma may have shaped parts of who you became, but they do not have to define the rest of your life.

You can understand yourself differently.

You can learn new ways of responding.

You can reconnect with yourself.

And you can build a life beyond survival.

CONNECT WITH RACHEL

Www.rachelbuckmasterauthor.com

Website: https://www.slaybay.co.uk

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@slaybaeteam

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/slaybaeclub/

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

My holistic toolbox includes nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, nutritional support, and natural healing strategies,

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Well, hello everybody.

2

Welcome back to another episode

of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

3

Today we have with us Rachel Buckmaster.

4

She has quite a lot of stories and

great things to talk about, but she

5

also had to climb some mountains, and

despite those mountains, Rachel has made

6

it to where she wants to be in life.

7

She wants to talk to the

wounded and give them hope.

8

How simple is that, right?

9

Talk to the wounded and give them hope.

10

I love it.

11

Thank you, Rachel.

12

yeah.

13

I got diagnosed with PTSD when I was 18.

14

Now 32.

15

I've been in and out of therapy for about

10 years, and I'm actually currently

16

going through EMDR, so that's quite new.

17

and I've had a lot of moments

in my life where You get so many

18

hiccups, and you kind of beat

yourself up, and it gets really hard.

19

And the really strange thing is

actually, when I found out that

20

when you're easy on yourself, it

actually makes things a lot easier.

21

when you let yourself be unhappy, and

you take that pressure off, and you go,

22

"Actually, I'm allowed to feel this way.

23

I don't have to be on form 24/7," that

is the sweet spot when I found myself

24

getting more productive in the long run.

25

'Cause you're not working

yourself to burnout.

26

You recognize those cues and you

go, "Okay, no, I need a break.

27

You're okay.

28

You're good enough.

29

You don't need to prove anything."

30

Right.

31

And I don't know what it's like in

the UK, but I know in the United

32

States, it's like women especially

wear this badge of honor, like- Mm-hmm

33

"I'm the busiest.

34

I'm the most productive.

35

I do the most things.

36

I chair the most committees.

37

I do, I do, I do, I do."

38

Mm-hmm.

39

Where it does lead to burnout.

40

Yeah.

41

And we are our own worst critics, so

it's like all of a sudden you take one

42

thing off that plate, and all of a sudden

in your mind, you're not doing enough.

43

Yeah.

44

You're not doing enough.

45

And I think I agree with you.

46

I think it's so important that we

understand that we can't do it all.

47

Mm-hmm.

48

And to…

49

It's stronger and harder and

more difficult to actually just

50

say, "Ugh, I need a break."

51

that's the hard thing to do, but it's the

best thing for your mental health ever.

52

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

53

I, I really do struggle with, sitting

still, 'cause I've got a full-time job.

54

I've got my business.

55

I'm also writing a book as well.

56

. So I just, really struggle.

57

And, in one of my therapy lessons,

she actually taught me of kind

58

of recognizing your emotions and

saying them out loud, and giving

59

them a name gives it less power.

60

Because then you're in the

known, You're not dealing with

61

this, "Oh, is it me or not?"

62

You validate yourself in that way.

63

Right.

64

Yeah.

65

And it just feels refreshing, to be fair.

66

Oh, honestly.

67

, And the first couple times

you do it, it's kinda scary.

68

Sometimes you don't even

know what those emotions are.

69

Mm-hmm.

70

because we're so used

to just stuffing them.

71

I don't know if you did- Yeah … but

the way I grew up, we stuffed.

72

We didn't- Mm … feel.

73

We didn't express.

74

We didn't acknowledge even emotions.

75

They just kinda were.

76

Yeah, yeah.

77

And you talk about going through

EMDR and as that being a big part

78

of your trauma healing and- Mm-hmm

79

PTSD healing.

80

talk about your experience with

that a little bit for, explain even

81

to the people, I know I use the

term EMDR a lot on our podcast.

82

Mm-hmm.

83

And if you could explain it in

layman's terms, like, so people

84

could kinda get a grasp of what you

think it, what it looks like to you.

85

If you could do that, that'd be awesome.

86

Yeah.

87

So, just actually what you just

said, you tend to box things, and

88

it goes into a part of your brain.

89

You can't access it.

90

You don't think or feel anything

about it, and that's it.

91

And EMDR works on getting that back.

92

and you're kind of working

with the memory, but you don't

93

necessarily have to talk about it.

94

You just have to hold it in your mind.

95

and that can actually seem a little bit

less scary, 'cause when you talk about

96

it, it makes it real, and you'll hold

that memory, and you'll follow the, the

97

finger movements from left to right.

98

And your body just reacts.

99

I can't…

100

There's no other way to explain it.

101

And then you kinda talk about the

thoughts and feelings that come

102

with that, and then you do that

same left to right process again.

103

And, it's called bilateral movement,

and it just, it makes your brain

104

process it and, like, unpack it

in a less confrontational way.

105

Yeah.

106

That is a great way to put it.

107

And for those of you listening that are

still like, "Okay, I don't get it," EMDR

108

is eye movement rapid desensitiz- Mm-hmm

109

atization, and I can

never say that last word.

110

But you do.

111

You're literally just following,

going back and forth with left

112

and right, and there's a lot of

science behind- Mm … when you do

113

that, that bilateral stimulation.

114

It's the same thing when they say, when

I tell people when they have anxiety

115

or stress- Mm-hmm give yourself, do

the butterfly hug- Yeah … where

116

you just hug yourself, and then

you tap one side then the other

117

and just keep going back and forth.

118

It's why walking works.

119

Left, right, left, right, left, r- Mm

… It's all of those bilateral movements

120

stimulate both sides of your brain, and

it opens things up, I guess you could say.

121

Yeah.

122

And well, and that's great because,

so many people, they're curious about

123

that, and they, I get- Mm … questions

all the time about EMDR, and it is a

124

very effective method- Mm … modality.

125

it's not like I, if I've never

been to therapy, if I've never done

126

anything, I wouldn't run out and

just purchase some EMDR sessions.

127

Yeah.

128

I'm not saying that.

129

to me it went along with therapy.

130

It went along- Mm … as a, a

backup kind of just, it gets deep.

131

It gets very deep.

132

Yeah.

133

And it's very helpful.

134

But PTSD is something that

a lot of people, they really

135

don't grasp it, and I don't…

136

Do you remember the first time that

you, your first experience where you

137

finally understood what PTSD was?

138

I think it was the ball drop.

139

So I was in therapy, and I just kept

having the same thoughts and feelings.

140

It wasn't necessarily flashbacks,

and it was almost like I was just

141

stuck in this limbo of emotion.

142

And then my therapist was talking

me through, and she actually came

143

up with this really good analogy.

144

She said that, trauma is like you have

a mirror in front of you, and then you

145

smash it, and you've gotta put the mirror

back into its original order to then get

146

a full representative image of yourself.

147

And I was like, "Oh, damn."

148

Like, I get it now, Oh,

I had never heard that.

149

no, and it made so much sense, and it

just kinda made me realize that actually

150

these recurring thoughts and feelings were

actually a part of the PTSD, and feeling

151

stuck and not being able to move on.

152

Yeah.

153

No, it makes sense.

154

So you didn't have any drastic,

like, where you all of a

155

sudden were like, "I get it."

156

Because, my dad went to,

my dad was in Vietnam.

157

Yeah.

158

I knew he had severe PTSD.

159

He would sleep at night, and he

would yell out in his sleep, and

160

cuss- Mm … and cry, and, he never

expressed anything, never went to

161

therapy, so I knew he had PTSD.

162

And I kinda was always like,

I felt for him, but I never-

163

Mm … really understood it.

164

And then it was like, my husband

and I were just talking about this

165

yesterday, as a matter of fact.

166

I had an experience with my mother

when when I was four and five for like

167

a year, and she would listen to the

soap opera while I was in preschool

168

every day, listen to this one soap

opera, and make me soft-boiled eggs.

169

Now, she couldn't cook.

170

they were horrible.

171

They tasted bad.

172

Mm.

173

And every day it was something different.

174

It was a different kind of fight.

175

So either- Mm … they'd get stuffed

down my throat, or I'd get locked

176

in a closet, or I'd get spanked,

or I would just sometimes eat them

177

'cause I didn't feel like the fight.

178

Mm-hmm.

179

But it was literally, oh my gosh,

that was when I was four or five

180

years old, so that was 53 years ago.

181

But 30 years later I was sitting

at my table talking to my kids,

182

just hanging out, doing whatever.

183

Mm-hmm.

184

And all of a sudden I

vomited on the table.

185

Oh, wow.

186

had no idea why.

187

Yeah.

188

Like it just blugh.

189

Ugh.

190

And I stopped, and of course I had been

in therapy for a long time at this point,

191

so I was like, "Okay, Tammy, focus.

192

Figure out why."

193

Mm.

194

And that soap opera had

come on in the other room.

195

Oh, wow.

196

And it was a visceral response

to hearing- Mm … that noise.

197

So you're talking if my kids

were teenagers, 16, 26, 36,

198

I was 44 years old probably.

199

Mm-hmm.

200

So this is 40 years later.

201

Yeah.

202

I hear a sound and it

makes me vomit on a table.

203

Wow.

204

And that is when I truly, truly understood

the magnitude and the depth of PTSD.

205

Mm-hmm.

206

Yeah, definitely.

207

Because I, and then I started really being

aware and I'm like, "Oh, that makes sense.

208

why I don't like the smell of leather,"

because something bad happened- Mm-hmm

209

and it was involving leather.

210

Like, so talk about how having, how

this has impacted your life, the PTSD.

211

So there's certain things like, I'm not

a fan of walking in the public on my own.

212

Even if it's a nice sunny

day, I'd rather not do it.

213

and the sense of shame has made me into

a bit of a workaholic, to be honest.

214

like with my job, I'm

always taking overtime.

215

and then we've just started Slay Bay.

216

and it's just that constant motor,

I guess, to prove myself that I

217

am good enough and I am worthy

and I am this amazing person that

218

I think that I should be, Right.

219

And it's taken probably about 10

years for me to fully understand

220

why I do the things that I do.

221

and I've almost developed,

like, a sixth sense.

222

It's really strange.

223

Like, if any of my friends

are sad, I'll be like, I'll

224

I can pick it up immediately.

225

And I'll be like, what's wrong?

226

your energy has shifted."

227

And they're like, "How do you do this?"

228

Right.

229

Yeah.

230

Well, it's funny- Mm-hmm … 'cause

I think I have the belief that we are

231

born all-knowing, all-powerful, like-

Mm-hmm … in the image of God, knowing

232

everything, with our intuition- Mm-hmm

… with our instinct, with our gut.

233

Mm-hmm.

234

And then as life happens and people

make you ignore that, I feel like

235

you tend to get away from that.

236

Mm-hmm.

237

So you stop trusting your

instinct, stop trusting your gut.

238

Mm.

239

But it sounds like, like to me, when

I started healing and started really

240

learning to trust myself again-

Mm-hmm … that included my intuition

241

and my- Yeah … intuitive sense.

242

And I think that's why so many

people that go through those traumas

243

and- I think that's why they become

healers almost, 'cause it does Yeah

244

it's like you were probably always

the the free mentor, The person-

245

Mm-hmm … everybody went to when they

had a problem because you understood.

246

Oh, yeah.

247

Like, you had that feeling of being

able to be, of having empathy, being

248

able to stand in someone's shoes and

understand what they're going through.

249

Yeah, definitely, 100%.

250

Yeah.

251

Mm.

252

Have you always considered

yourself a resilient person?

253

No.

254

no.

255

I had major, major struggles

when I was late, early 20s.

256

I ended actually having a

breakdown of a full year.

257

Everything was chaos, and it put

me back about two or three years.

258

for example, I went to university, and

in my third year, I ended up failing.

259

I had a year out, and then I

had to go back and finish it.

260

and like with my job, I really

enjoy my job now, but I did

261

struggle to keep that consistency.

262

when you wake up and you you just

don't wanna go, you really had

263

to force yourself to be human.

264

Right.

265

and it's a lot of trial and error,

and the main thing for me, personally,

266

was just being easy on myself and

not forcing myself to be perfect.

267

Yeah.

268

and then, yeah, it's definitely

not a change overnight, No.

269

Oh,

270

gosh, no.

271

it's a work in progress.

272

And then now, some people do

look at me, and they're like,

273

"You're so high-functioning,"

like, "are you sure you struggle?"

274

And I'm like, "Yes, I am

sure- Oh … that I struggle."

275

No, but and that's the hardest thing,

and that's why it's so hard for people

276

that have everything suppressed.

277

Mm-hmm.

278

You look so good on the outside.

279

Yeah.

280

I was just telling my husband

the other day, and I was like,

281

"You didn't even know it.

282

When my son was, like, seven or eight,

I was, like, literally ready to tap out.

283

Like, just- Mm-hmm … check myself in

somewhere and be like, 'I'm overwhelmed.

284

I can't do this.

285

I…'

286

But on the outside I was working two jobs.

287

I was taking the kids to soccer every day.

288

I was 24/7 keeping myself- Mm-hmm … busy

because it kept me from dealing.

289

Yeah.

290

that's literally what I did.

291

Mm-hmm.

292

And, gosh, that was years ago.

293

But yeah, people are just like,

"Oh, you're so happy all the time.

294

You look so good."

295

"You get so much done.

296

Like, how do you do it?

297

You're like a supermom."

298

And I'm like, "I am literally falling

the hell apart on the inside."

299

Mm-hmm.

300

Falling apart.

301

Falling apart.

302

Yeah.

303

And, it's finally when you can, like you

said, give yourself that self-compassion

304

and be like- Mm-hmm … "I'm human.

305

I'm human."

306

Yeah.

307

I tell my clients all the time, every

time you hear that little critic and

308

it's sitting on your shoulder telling

you, "You're not good enough," or,

309

"You should be able to do this,"

Mm-hmm don't should on yourself.

310

Just- Yeah … treat yourself

like your own best friend.

311

Mm-hmm.

312

I'm sure you said you're

somewhat of a workaholic.

313

Most people are- Yeah … that

went through that stuff,

314

because you're going to…

315

it's a numbing.

316

it's a distraction from having

to face, and that is, you don't

317

wanna be that way in the long run.

318

No, yeah.

319

It's good on a temporary kind of,

"Okay, I'm just gonna work a little

320

bit more and not have to deal with

this," but it gets overwhelming.

321

It absolutely does.

322

Oh, 100%.

323

Yeah.

324

Yeah.

325

So why did you now after all

these years be like, "I'm gonna

326

start talking about this"?

327

I think it's very close to my heart.

328

It's been a big, big struggle.

329

I actually saw a video on social media the

other day, and it was quite visual, and it

330

did kind of touch my heart a little bit.

331

and it was about a woman in, like, barbed

chains, like kind of pushing against it

332

and trying to, like, crawl to freedom,

and that is almost what it's like.

333

And it's not just you who kind of goes

through that, and it's okay to feel sad,

334

and it's okay to still have bad days.

335

And after experiencing a lot of bad

things, it's just nice to put that

336

word out of telling people that

they're not alone, that there's

337

always people out there, there's

always someone willing to help.

338

And sometimes you do feel completely

isolated, and you don't wanna

339

burden people, and You just kind

of go in your shell and isolate

340

yourself and get yourself into that

cycle of, well, you wanna stay in.

341

You don't wanna burden people, but

you do wanna reach out, but then you

342

don't wanna reach out, so you don't.

343

And then it's just you're in this cycle,

Well, and everybody thinks, we've all

344

been through things, and everybody thinks,

"Oh, nobody would understand," or, "This

345

doesn't happen to anybody"- Mm-hmm … or,

"This has never happened to anybody else."

346

And like you said, what they don't

understand is there are millions of people

347

out there that this has happened to.

348

Mm-hmm.

349

every time I post something on

TikTok or Facebook or Instagram or

350

whatever, it never fails, I have

someone make the comment like, "Whoo,

351

girl, you were talking to me," or,

"Whoo"- Yeah … "I felt that."

352

Mm-hmm.

353

And so yeah, we're not, it's not,

like, trauma is actually and just

354

honestly, like, I talk about people

that grew up in dysfunctional families.

355

That is more the norm- Mm-hmm … than

the exception to the rule now.

356

Yeah.

357

I don't know what it's like in the UK,

but I know in the United States, one

358

out of every four children is directly

affected by at least one addicted parent.

359

Wow.

360

That's a huge number.

361

Yeah.

362

And you can, I always say you can have

dysfunction without having addiction- Yeah

363

but you can't have, like, you can have

other kinds of dysfunction- Mm-hmm … but

364

you can't have any kind of addiction

without having dysfunction in your life.

365

Yeah.

366

And if it's one in four, then that means

it's one in four teachers, and it's

367

one in four people in the workplace.

368

Mm-hmm.

369

And it's one in four of

everybody walking around- Yeah

370

that is walking around with these,

and I don't I don't like to say, I

371

don't even know how I like to word it,

but I, of these characteristics that

372

they've developed because of childhood.

373

Yeah, yeah.

374

And that's the easiest way to put it.

375

I always say my childhood designed

me, but it can't define me.

376

Yeah.

377

So I am a culmination of every single

experience I had, but then once I

378

become aware and I start doing the

work and I start realizing, oh, this

379

is why I act like a five-year-old-

Mm-hmm … sometimes when someone looks

380

at me funny, or this is Yeah, yeah, 100%.

381

Yeah, you do get mannerisms that you

have no idea where they've come from.

382

Mm-hmm.

383

And as soon as you get that

awareness, you're like, oh.

384

'Cause yeah, 'cause, there was one,

oh God, what, oh, I didn't like taxis.

385

And for ages, they were like, "But why?"

386

And I was like, "I have no idea."

387

But just it makes me feel funny.

388

Yeah.

389

And it wasn't until I got into

therapy, and I was like, wow, okay.

390

Actually, no, talking about

earlier, that would be my ball drop.

391

Oh, okay.

392

Yeah.

393

But no, I I can't express more

enough about the, the compassion,

394

'cause that is really what kind of

turned it around for me personally.

395

Yep.

396

Yeah.

397

I say that a lot.

398

Gratitude and compassion are everything.

399

Mm-hmm.

400

And it's not just compassion for

other people or the people that hurt

401

you, it is compassion for yourself.

402

Yeah.

403

Yeah, definitely.

404

Definitely.

405

So talk about your new business,

'cause this is super exciting.

406

First of all, what made you

decide to start a new business?

407

Because you work full time- Yeah … you

said you pick up extra hours.

408

Yeah.

409

You're a busy woman.

410

so it's a designer dress

rental subscription service.

411

So you pay a monthly fee.

412

You'll get, a certain amount of

credits, and then you use those to

413

redeem designer dresses each month.

414

you can keep them for as long as you

want, as long as the subscription is

415

active as well And there's two parts.

416

So one is, well, especially when I was

at uni, you're out all the time, you want

417

new dresses, you don't wanna get seen

in the same dress twice on social media.

418

And it was just a constant

drain on my finances.

419

and this is a much more

affordable kind of option.

420

So for example, a House of CB dress,

probably be about £300 here, but you

421

can get it for £25, and the second half

is, personally for me, one of my ways

422

to cheer myself up is to get all glam.

423

So if I'm feeling particularly

blue, I'll just go to the

424

bathroom and put some makeup on.

425

I don't care if anyone's gonna

see, like me with honor, Right.

426

but it makes me feel good, So who cares?

427

walking with a face full of makeup in

my jammies with a dressing gown on.

428

Right.

429

but that also includes dressing up,

So it means it, you've got access

430

to those designer dresses and you're

paying a fraction of the price,

431

and it just makes you feel good.

432

And I don't know if you mail them

to other places in the world or if

433

you just work in the UK, but it is a

absolutely freaking brilliant business.

434

Mm.

435

Brilliant.

436

Thank you.

437

Because I think about it, I don't go very

often out, I don't do a lot of stuff,

438

but- Mm … I'm sick of, I buy, if I go

to a wedding, I buy a dress, and I don't

439

wanna be that dress to be the dress that

I'm seen at in every single wedding-

440

Mm … of every single family member.

441

Yeah.

442

So I'm like, I have

these beautiful dresses.

443

Like, I have nice stuff, but I'm like,

I wear it once and then it either

444

goes to- Mm … the thrift shop or

goes to Goodwill or something else.

445

But yeah, I would love to be able to

just, okay, I have three events this week.

446

I have a speaking engagement,

I have- Mm-hmm … a dinner,

447

and then I have a wedding.

448

Like, let me just go find what I need

for those and then I can return them.

449

And I love it.

450

I think it's brilliant.

451

Yeah.

452

Yeah.

453

And, it's frustrating as well sometimes.

454

Like, you you've got really nice

dresses, but you feel like you

455

can't wear them So it kind of

takes that, resistance out as well.

456

Yeah, absolutely.

457

I think it's brilliant, but

what- Thank you … possessed

458

you to start another business?

459

Like, just be- you were like, "I have

more time on my hands," or was it just,

460

like, an epiphany that came to you and,

you were like, "I'm just gonna do it"?

461

so I actually run it with my

business partner, and, she

462

is absolutely fashion crazy.

463

She follows all the trends.

464

She absolutely loves it.

465

And, we've been friends for,

oh, God, probably coming up to

466

maybe seven, eight years now.

467

And, we actually ended up talking about

an old university memory that I had

468

where, I actually ran away from the

photographer on one of my nights out, and

469

I was like, "Don't take a picture of me.

470

I wore this last weekend."

471

Oh, that is funny.

472

And, she was then complaining and

saying, "Oh, yeah, I've got this,

473

like, really nice dress," but the two

weddings were linked 'cause they were

474

all in the same friendship group, and

she was absolutely gutted that she

475

couldn't wear her favorite dress again.

476

And then we were like, "Hang on."

477

Light bulb.

478

What if we done this together?

479

And then, like, there's always

give and take, and, she's

480

got three kids, I'm pregnant.

481

So there's, we can always, like, lean on

each other, and we've known each other

482

long enough that we can, like, support

each other but emotionally as well.

483

Right.

484

so it's- I love it … yeah,

much less daunting.

485

But yeah, we're really,

really glad that we did it.

486

Yeah.

487

No, and it just launched

in, I believe, June.

488

I was looking at, I looked up your

Instagram or whatever- Mm … your

489

social media, and I was looking at it,

and I was looking at all the outfits.

490

And you can tell your

partner has, like, 100% just-

491

all in passion for what she's doing.

492

Mm-hmm.

493

Yeah.

494

'Cause I love it, the different outfits.

495

She's like, "Oh, I think…"

496

And then I think you had other people, it

looks like some of them were testimonials.

497

I don't think it was all her.

498

Yeah.

499

I think there was other people

wearing the, some of the gowns.

500

And- Yeah

501

absolutely amazing.

502

And like you said, when you're

feeling a little blue, a little

503

down, a little just, nothing feels

better than just putting on…

504

even I don't wear makeup.

505

I really don't.

506

Mm-hmm.

507

But sometimes just putting on lipstick.

508

Yeah, yeah.

509

Like, I wear very little makeup, but

just if I put on lipstick, it's all of a

510

sudden, like, I feel like I come alive.

511

Or- Yeah if I have a I have a job,

another job where I wear a uniform,

512

and I just get out of there.

513

I get those clothes off, and

it's just- … making yourself

514

feel special because you are.

515

Mm-hmm.

516

Yeah.

517

Exactly.

518

Yeah.

519

Absolutely.

520

That's, that's amazing.

521

So if you had to change one thing

about your journey, what would it be?

522

I think talking about it sooner.

523

Okay.

524

so before my diagnosis, I kept

quiet for about six years.

525

and I think it was the shame, and I

didn't want to admit it or talk about

526

it because then that would make it

real, and there was all these sorts of

527

unhelpful thoughts that I had.

528

And, that's, yeah, I would definitely

come forward sooner 'cause, the moment

529

you realize that you're not alone and

it's not just you, and you're not crazy,

530

'cause that's what I used to call myself.

531

I was like, "No, I'm just being crazy."

532

Right.

533

and opening up as well.

534

Yeah, it just opened a whole

new different world for me.

535

Yeah.

536

And I encourage people, if you're kind

of in that place and you're stuck and

537

you're like, "Ugh," like, "I gotta

get it out," just tell somebody.

538

Tell- Mm-hmm a friend.

539

Go join a group.

540

Like there's literally

groups for everything.

541

Yeah.

542

Let me tell you.

543

There are literally groups for everything.

544

If you had a strange relationship

with your sibling growing up and

545

you don't know how to deal with

it, there are groups for that.

546

If you- Mm-hmm anything that

happened, there are groups for, and

547

it's all people that understand.

548

And, one of my biggest tips for people

too is before you get into it, know…

549

Well, first of all, just only

be with people you trust- Yeah

550

with that information obviously.

551

And know that those are, that's your

information, and you need to feel

552

safe, 'cause that's one of the biggest

things and why people don't come out

553

and start talking about things- Mm

554

is 'cause they don't feel safe

in their body to discuss it.

555

like you said- Mm … there's

that shame spiral and that guilt

556

and that just icky feeling.

557

Mm.

558

But if you're with people that

understand and you find the right

559

people, they're not judging you.

560

Like, so find people-

No … that are not judging you.

561

And also, like we were talking about

earlier, start looking at every feeling

562

you have, every question you come up with,

everything that as things start coming up,

563

because more and more will come up as your

safety bubble expands- Mm … and leaves

564

more room for more stuff to open up.

565

Yeah.

566

Just be curious and not

judgmental with yourself.

567

That is my biggest tip.

568

It just, curiosity makes

everything soft, softer.

569

Yeah.

570

Yeah.

571

like you said, instead of saying,

"I'm just crazy," be like, "Hmm,

572

this is really interesting that I

feel like I wake up in the morning

573

and there's literally an elephant

sitting on my chest every morning.

574

What is that about?"

575

instead of being like, "This isn't right.

576

This isn't wrong.

577

I need to make this go away," just

start being curious, and I think

578

that makes so much difference.

579

100%, yeah.

580

Yeah.

581

Just being- Absolutely.

582

But- … open and gentle with yourself.

583

Well, this has been super fun, Rachel.

584

So if people- Yeah … want to learn more

about you, learn about your business,

585

where is the best place for them to go?

586

so it's www.slaybay.co.uk.

587

or we're on TikTok, which is slaybayteam.

588

Instagram is

589

slaybayclub as well.

590

Okay.

591

And we will follow up, and

I want you to follow up with

592

me when your book comes out.

593

You said you're writing a book?

594

Yes.

595

it's called Only Time Will Tell.

596

It's a- Oh … horror fantasy.

597

I suppose you could call it a romance.

598

it's around Stockholm syndrome.

599

Oh, wow.

600

Okay.

601

Mm.

602

Okay.

603

So when your book- I'm

trying to make it into…

604

Sorry.

605

No, go ahead.

606

Go ahead.

607

I'm trying to make it into a world, so

there's, like, five different planes.

608

So you've got the underworld, spirit,

the light, and the neverborn realms,

609

and each realm has its own, like,

laws and ways of physics and…

610

So yeah.

611

Should be good.

612

Interesting.

613

Yeah.

614

Yeah, interesting.

615

Well, when it comes out, I want you

to reach back out to me, so just put

616

me down in your list of people that

you're- Yeah … gonna let know,

617

and let us know about the book.

618

I'd love to do another launch or talk

to you about how things are going with-

619

Yeah … your business and everything,

whether it's three months, six months,

620

nine months, a year, whatever it is.

621

So we're here.

622

That would be amazing.

623

Yeah.

624

Thank you so much.

625

You're

626

very welcome.

627

Now, before I leave you, or before

you leave, everybody, first of all,

628

thank you so much for coming on.

629

And second, if you had to give

the listeners some words of

630

wisdom or something tangible or

some big-picture idea- Mm-hmm

631

what would it be today?

632

I think

633

The more you're easier on yourself,

the more productive you are.

634

Perfect.

635

Mm.

636

So true.

637

You guys heard that.

638

Mm-hmm.

639

Everybody heard that, right?

640

The more you are easier, the easier

you are on yourself, the more

641

productive you're going to be.

642

Mm-hmm.

643

It keeps you out of overwhelm.

644

Perfection is a myth, my friends.

645

Yeah.

646

Perfection is, it's just a myth.

647

You can't attain it, so don't try.

648

Yeah.

649

Know that we're human, and just

be gentle and kind with yourself.

650

100%.

651

100%.

652

Well, thanks again, Rachel.

653

I appreciate you coming on.

654

All right.

655

Thank you.

656

You're very welcome.

657

For everybody else out there

listening, you heard it.

658

Just be kind and gentle to

yourself, because you deserve it.

659

And if you have anything, anything

that you think is stuck inside of

660

you that needs to get out, know

that there are people out there

661

that support you and love you.

662

And if you can't find them,

we'll help you find them.

663

Mm-hmm.

664

So you all have a most wonderful,

blessed day, and we'll see you back.

665

Love you all.