What to do when your podcast/creative juice runs out for a whole month? Welcome to a sneak peak in my life. And turns out, it applies to your sexuality too...Who would have guessed ?

01:22 - How I killed my juice

14:21 - What was really going on under

21:59 - How I got my podcast juice back

Yes I had a ton of excuses to drop everything in July. But under the excuses, I just killed my podcast juice by trying to apply a How-To course to become a great podcast (how ionic, falling into a magic recipe 🤣) : batch-writing, batch-recording, marketing my marketing asset... Fun-killer, lack of self-trust mirror, fear of becoming a "serious podcaster" and a little addiction to my SM dungeon. How did I get out of it ? Coming to my body (again 🤣) and pleasure (🤣), allow things to take time (and focus on getting my majors done) and also deciding to have even more fun with it.

If you are interested in receiving practice sessions around Female Sexuality and/or Yoni Egg, you can reach out here.

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Loved today's episode? Here are others you might enjoy, related to today's topic :

✨ EP 7 : What to do if you have an SM dungeon inside of your head

✨ EP 8 : Discover the Healing Powers of the Yoni Egg

✨ EP 17 : Sexyfying my own life : building a coaching business

✨ EP 1 : You're not broken, the game is twisted

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

If you’re new here, hi, I’m Dr Fanny Leboulanger, French Doctor and Sassy Sex Coach, nice to meet you 😏 My mission? Helping people (like you ?) reignite theri alivness by stepping out of life auto-pilot, sexual boredom and self-hate. So that you can reclaim your own Lifegasm. Through 1:1 coaching and magic tools (food for thoughts, sexy education, reclaiming pleasure and inner healing), with a zero bullshit tolerance, we embark together on our journey towards your most Sexyfied Life. 

• Find my ebook "Essence, awaken your body to find the pleasure to feel alive": https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63762fafc6d1c43fb3bac1bf
• Want to work 1:1 with me? Click here
• Come and say Hello on Instagram 
• Or send me an email at hello@fannyleboulanger.com
• Website
• My Blog / My Substack

If you like my work, you can offer financial support on Paypal here.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

If you found that episode interesting, feel free to share it with a loved one (inviting them into our Sexy Family) and subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform, it's the number one way to support the spread of the Sexyfied Magic to the world. For extra-support, leave a review on your favorite podcast platform, it helps the show become more and more visible.

And if you want to discover other amazing shows from podcast friends, here is a selection of amazing podcasts & interviews :

• Badass Direct Sales Mastery with Jennier Bellinger
• My Spoonie Sisters with Gracefully Jen
• Peace of Me with Lexy Leigh
• The Little Blue Pill For Business with Michelle Nedelec
• The High Performance Interviews with Lucy Dutton

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

This podcast is for educational purposes only. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein.

20. How I killed my podcast juice (temporarily) 


Hello everyone and welcome to another episode. If you're new here, welcome. And if you're not, thank you for coming back. Today, I wanted to talk about why you didn't get any episode during July. Well, almost since today is the 30th. But I could tell you it's because I had a lot of things to do, that my personal life went through some shitty stuff. But let's be honest, that would be a lie. Well, not a lie because it's true, but that's not the only thing going on. I'd love to discuss what happened, why I did it and what I did to come back. So you've been warned, today you'll get a peak in my own wild ride, how I killed the fun out of my podcasting, what really caused it and what I did to actually come back. And no surprise, it can also relate to healing your sexuality. 


01:22 - Falling into the How-To Online Course trap

So first, I froze in July because I killed the fun out of creating the podcast. That's as simple as that... if you found this episode interesting. Nah, just kidding. I had stuff in my life since May and June. But what actually messed up with everything is a course I took. A course that basically says it's going to help you become a well-known podcaster and serious podcaster with tons of questions and things to do, to become more established. And when I think about it, I'm like "you're basically dedicating your whole coaching business and podcasts to " One size fits all, never works". And "why magic formulas are a lie" And you just head right into a trap for your podcast." How... ironic. I wish I could share with you the laugh of my sassy higher self when I realized that . Don't get me wrong... this course is amazing, well-crafted, and I ended up getting some information from it anyway. I'm sure it will help many people. It just completely threw me off. Maybe that's because I'm not really good at doing what I'm "supposed to do".. After doing that in that school, I'm like "hell no... forever.... screw you." But this course gave me ideas. Which all seem great. But in turns out, many pieces of advice were not adapted to me and just showed me that I was "doing it wrong".. And I should do things differently. Just like when you read a book about a type of kink practices and your system is like "hell no". And your head is like, "this is what I'm supposed to do if I have a sexy and open sex life". It's the same. 


03:07 - Batch writing and recording 


For example, let's take batch writing and batch recording. I've seen many people do that. And when you think about it, it would be so lovely to actually not having to think about the podcast for one month. Because it's all an autopilot because I've done the work before. Well... I love my podcast and I'd be really sad if I couldn't play with it for a month. But, okay... I see the point. So I tried the batch writing. And turns out, I froze. I have like three scripts ahead. And I'm like, "but I don't want to record that". They feel just "meh". I know there are not, and I know you'll love them. It's just that it felt so draining to write them. Because I "had to batch-write". And my system was like "yuck. I don't want to do anything with them anymore". But if I want to succeed in podcasting, I have to batch write and have several episodes in advance. So I'm doomed. Same goes with recording. I love to record in the evening or in the morning. The idea of just recording for four hours makes me go "ugh" and "Hell no. I have other things that I want to do". Also, because since I'm writing all my scripts, I already spend a lot of hours on an episode. And don't get me wrong, I love it. It's just to actually batch-write, I'd have to be in this writing mode longer. And in this recording mode longer. And my brain is like "I'm out of here. You want to do things this way? Good luck with that. I'm out." 


04:51 - Lack of self-trust 


So that didn't start well. Because, what I noticed is that it required such an amount of self-trust. To say "I know this would be a way to do things, for them to work and work perfectly, but at the moment I prefer doing it my way, even if I actually have no idea of what I'm doing". 


Same goes for your sexuality. Fighting our societal bullshit about self-pleasure... "it's dirty, it's selfish, or don't do it that often or whatever". Or claiming "hell no pleasure is mine. I deserve it. And I love having orgasms. ". Doing that... that requires courage too. It requires trust in your body, in yourself. A strong trust that can bend, but doesn't break. And around my podcast : nope... 


Okay. Another how-to that kills the fun, because it makes me feel I'm doing it wrong? Well, let's talk about all you could do if you had more money... you could try this AI tool that writes your show notes for you. Or outsource it so that someone else takes care of all your social media and editing. By the way I tried the AI thing free trial, and that thing wanted me to choose one angle from my episode. A part of me was like "huh, this tool is so dumb. It's not even able to manage several angles at the same time and wants me to choose". And another part of me was like "Are my episodes too... complicated? Do I bring too much? Do I talk about too many things at once?". Although I'd love to admit I might talk about a lot of things in an episode. But first, it's because I know you're a smart being. And second, every time I try to narrow down to one specific thing, I get bored.

So, yeah. A single tool actually made me question everything. And made me feel there was something wrong with me and how I play with my episodes. There may be some things that go wrong, but I'd rather see them myself or get an expert eye instead of being randomly hit by a tool that doesn't understand the point of having three main ideas in an episode. 


Or even worse. Maybe if I didn't follow that list, if I didn't pay for all of these tools... maybe that was because I'm "not ready to show up for it". Or I "don't want this bad enough" or whatever. Talk about a great way to have your podcast juice totally killed. And the list goes on and on and on... Use this tool. And that tool. You can't afford all of that? Great, you're doomed, stay into your DIY business whereas successful people are not afraid to invest money in themselves and their business. 


To get things perfectly clear... The course didn't, in no mean, say that. It's just what my brain heard. And as I told you before, I'm sure this course is amazing and will help a lot of people. It just showed me that basically everything I was doing was different from the suggestion. It told me that it's going to be hard for me to become a well-known podcaster and that I should do things differently to become that. Talk about reinforcing self-trust. 


And that goes with your sexuality too. You know, "a healthy sex life looks like this and like that, and this and that". Okay. So, if you don't want that, you're broken, there's something wrong with you. You'll never get a happy marriage or whatever bullshit. 


08:48 - "Optimizing my marketing asset" and killing it

The thing is... it made me realize that, even if you can consider this podcast as a marketing asset, I wasn't ready to follow a set of rules to "take as much as possible from it". First let's just agree on what a marketing asset is: it's just a way for people to discover that I exist and that I can help them depending what they are facing, where they want to go. And if they feel a sassy sex coach with a French sense of humor would help them. A social media account is a marketing asset. A book is a marketing asset. Everything you produce that has a link to a business is a marketing asset. And yes, even a podcast where I experiment and just try to do things for fun. 


At first, a part of me was like "don't you dare call my podcast a marketing asset". And then a second voice came in and said "you know you're doing this podcast because you like it. And also because you want people to discover you. That's not different from people playing on social media or whatever. You're just honoring that you have a love-hate relationship with social media." 


My problem with learning how to "optimize my marketing asset" and "take the most out of it"? It became so heavy. Let's say I want to take the most out of my podcast. I need to do video podcasting: doing clips of myself recording it, editing them, creating social media posts around them. So what was supposed to be fun: me writing a script and talking in my mic, just became this "uh, I need to get dressed, do my hair, put some makeup on, get all of those flashing lights right into my face". So no more recording in my pajamas and in bed head, I guess? I usually feel way more comfortable recording at night. So coming home after a working day and being like: "ah, I need to do this and this and this and this before actually press record". Pass... I'll do it tomorrow or the day after. Or the day after. And that's how we ended up end of July without an episode, if you want to kill any joy out of something: try to create a standardized process around it. At least my brain hates it. And freezes. 


An other thing with "optimizing the marketing asset"? It becomes very heavy in... marketing. Figure out a niche. And the "nichiest" the better. I know this word doesn't exist, but... I think it's fun. Create an avatar. What does your avatar think? What is their biggest problem? 


Don't get me wrong, that's great and these questions are important. It's just that, for example, I actually had no idea we could have Indian, New-Zealender or even German listeners in our family. I'd love to know how you found me. I have a Google form in the show notes, if you have questions you would like me to answer. And if you want to tell me also how you found your Sexyfied life, I'm all ears. I would understand people from the U S UK or France, because I'm always talking about my baby. Some people talk about their children. I talk about my podcast very often. Not all the time, but very often. So I'm already doing this marketing work for my business. And as a French person, I have a complicated relationship with marketing. And now you're telling me I have to do that with my podcast too? Hell no. 


So with all this heaviness, I froze. Losing my freedom of "I can record whatever I want, whatever I look like". Having to do some marketing work on it while I'm also doing it for my business... then the whole heaviness of "I have to have X episodes in advance so that I can be super consistent and release an episode every Wednesday". Well, I try once a week or every two weeks, and sometimes it will be on Monday, sometimes on Wednesday and sometimes twice a week. Maybe I'm totally messing up with the building of my business. And no, I'm not "optimizing this marketing asset", can we just talk for a second, about how bad " optimizing this marketing asset". But in my opinion, it's better to have an asset out there instead of having it frozen, because it's not like what it's supposed to be. 


And when you think about it... that's exactly the same when you consider your sexuality. You want to kill all the juice? Say to yourself "I have to do this X times a week so that my partner is satisfied or whatever". "I should love this position. Even if I don't. They say breasts are supposed to be an erogenous zone, but I don't want to. Maybe I'm broken and I should like it." 


It would be so easy to put the responsibility on my personal circumstances and on this course. And truth to be told... all of this brought some unpleasant things right into my face, that actually belonged to me. 


14:21 - Wanting the answers from outside

So now that we have talked about how I killed the fun out of it... Let's talk about why I did that. I could go on and on, but let's just focus on a few things: lack of self-trust, fear of changing my identity, and a little addiction to self-doubt. 


This course I mentioned earlier showed me how little self-trust I had about my podcast. I have some in my sexuality and in my coaching... But apparently when it comes to podcasting, I felt so insecure I had to run straight into a well marketed magic recipe. So that it would help me feel more comfortable. That's actually why marketing works. And that's why I ran there straight ahead too. 


Let's face it... building something from the ground is hard. Phase one, as in your job provides your business and nobody knows who you are and nobody gives a fuck, that's not really true you're here, this is hard. Here's a recipe that will help soothing you have no idea what you're doing. Of course, we all want that. We're humans. Of course, it's easier to follow someone who seems to have it all instead of sitting with your own fears, in the fire, with your pains, your failures, and judgments. It's really easier to outsource the responsibility of your growth. And no judgment, that's what happened to me in July. This lack of self-trust is what is maintaining us there. And what keeps us in this position of wanting this. In falling into this marketing, believing the other person has the answer. That this person has this magic solution for you. And for me. This also shows that you can be aware of marketing strategies and fall for them anyway... You can hate one size fits all solutions and know they don't work and still fall right into it when they come and hit a tender spot. Welcome to being human. 


16:35 - Fears of changing identity 


If you remember episode 17, I guess, I talked about how I was a coach afraid of having clients. It's getting better though, a little bit better. So imagine... I already have different identities I'm comfortable with. I am a doctor, a partner, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a yoga teacher, a student.... Then you add to that an identity I am a little bit uncomfortable being: the sassy sex coach. Although, I would say I'm much more confident and comfortable since I chose that instead of "self love and intimacy" or "self love and pleasure". Which are all true, but let's face t, sassy sex coach is way better. 


So you add this sassy sex coach to the mix. Which is kind of a serious identity since I'm building a coaching business. And on top of that, you add the "I am a serious podcaster". My nervous system is like "help, help, help too many identities I'm not comfortable with, too much heaviness and fun killing, please get me out of here". Because, you know, how could a serious podcaster just press record in bedhead .Or write script in the middle of the night because she needs to batch record and batch-write. So that she has X episodes ready in advance. 


And there is also something that comes up here. Did you know that only 24% of the podcasts have more than 20 episode? And that 44% have less than three? So hey, if you get over this 20 barrier, that means you get to the quarter of the serious podcaster. So that means you are a serious podcaster, aren't you? Okay. Let's just freeze at 19, so that I don't have to become a serious podcaster. 


I had a thought in my head one day. What is a serious podcaster anyway? Because somehow, I feel like I am a serious podcaster since this podcast has been out since January, has 19 episodes and I haven't dropped it. And at the same time. I hate this recipes to be a serious podcaster. So I did some self inquiry. What makes me a serious podcaster? The fact that I don't want to stop doing it. Because it brings me so much joy and fun, and stop doing it would just be an amazing way to stop the fun of my life. And kill another great source of joy. Great. That's always an amazing idea. Isn't it? 


19:19 - Addiction to my SM dungeon 


And last but not least. A little addiction to my SM dungeon. I'm kidding when I talk about addiction, but it's more a question of my nervous system interpreting facts as threats to my survival. For example... "this podcast has been out for six months" becomes "Oh, my God, how dare you open your mouth for so long, something is going to happen if you talk and even worse, people might have opinions about you. What if they don't like you? Imagine nobody likes you forever. You're going to die alone". Or "people are going to come at you and say you can't talk because you are not competent enough, not good enough, not whatever the fuck enough". Or " you have zero download today" becomes "here we are again, nobody listens to what I have to say, I'm useless, I'm worthless, nobody likes my content, nobody likes me". That's not true, you're here, " Or "results are different than what you thought they would be". Hint, you cannot build a successful business overnight, you know, the universe wasn't waiting for you, you have to show up. Becomes "you should just quit and go back to being a doctor full time so that you will lose any sense of mental health" . You already know since episode seven that I have many drama Queens in the SM dungeon of my head. 


Even if I know techniques, sometimes I mess up. And they all come back through the window and I actually needed some time to realize this constant noise was just.. All the people in my SM dungeon getting back in my living room, owning the place ike it belonged to them. And let's be honest, when these people have been here for a long time, if you're not aware and vigilant... well, you get back into your uncomfortable comfort zone. Where your living room is crowded with unpleasant people. Because let's face it, sometimes having an empty living room feels scary. And having mean people helps you through the fear of the void. So with all of those people in my head, of course I quiet quitted. At least for a little time. Who wants to have people just basically reinterpreting every small facts to make you feel like shit? 


If you like this episode, it would mean the world to me if you could use the time of this jingle to click on the star rating and/or leave a review. Just so more people discover the Sexyfied family. Thank you. 


21:59 - getting back to my body/reclaiming pleasure 


After discussing how I did it, killing the fun; why I did it, lack of self-trust, addiction to feeling bad, and fear of changing my identities... let's discuss how I got out of it. Or at least I hope. 


There's a saying that says you end up teaching what do you need the most. I teach sexual empowerment, pleasure and embodiment after spending so many years in my head. So many that I actually had to get sick to get out of it. And I was so terrified on my own genitals I couldn't even look at them without feeling nauseous. So I can teach it and do some coaching around it because I've been through that. And the flying back into my head was like "Do you actually believe you would just get rid of me? We have been friends for so long. Well, not really. I locked you in an SM Dungeon so that I can make your life miserable.. But still we have been friends for so long. You know you need me when you feel challenged" And so that's what happened. For numerous reasons, for personal and professional reasons, I numbed myself. And since this podcast can only download itself through me when I have some kind of connection to my body. Well, I didn't get any episodes. 


But what actually helped me was getting back into my body. Cliche? I know. Broken record? I know. But when I was in my head full-speed, the idea of solo playing, made me go "Ugh hell no". But starting with just five minutes of cardiac coherence and five minutes of yoga helped me tremendously. Just connected to my pleasure: pressing my hands up against each other with a nice oil that I like and that smells amazing. 


And also let's be honest. A part of me wanted to get back to this zone too. After a time of just relishing into a "I feel like shit and I don't know why". It's just that at some point you have to get tired of your own drama when you notice it's not getting you anywhere else than what you had until now. 


24:24 - Working on the majors of my certification

I also had an inner conversation. And what came out of it was "Let's not forget one thing. You know, you're competent in what you do. Still, there are a few things in your coaching certifications that you haven't validated, yet." I have two majors: female sexuality, and yoni egg. If you want discount session to help me practice, feel free to reach out, I have the link in the show notes. 


So of course me being like "I am a serious podcaster and this podcast is a marketing asset to help me grow a successful coaching business" because all the coaching certifications tell you, you can make an amazing amount of money from your coaching practice and you need a whole marketing plan figured out A to Z with a marketing asset and social media and the newsletter and blablabla.... It feels so threatening. 


So I actually decided to fuck all of that. And first focus on getting my major's done and play with this podcast, instead of "Is this episode really helping my business grow? Should I talk about this instead of this?" Because let's be honest, I wouldn't expect the metaphors episodes to be the one who are the most listened to. So when I decided that, oh, surprise... downloads came back again. How unexpected. 


25:44 - Allowing things to take time 


So many of us creators, coaches, myself included, try to "make it" or "figure it out". Following recipes and how tos. Even if I'm sure you already know I hate one size fits all solutions in our sexuality, sometimes the universe is like " Hey, let's see if you really hate them... when it would be more comfortable to follow them around a topic you actually have no background in and feel pretty much uncomfortable with... aKA marketing. Haha, fell right into the trap". 


So turns out recipes and how-tos don't work. Oh, so apparently I have no other option to just be at peace that is going to take time. Really? Yes really. And let's be real, that sucks. It took me a long time to be okay with things taking time. More than I am willing to admit And, oh surprise, when I did the download barrier just opened. And I was like "come on really? That simple? Fuck you. Well, not fuck you because I'm happy you're back, but you could have come sooner, you know?" 


27:10 - Decide to have fun with it 


I could summarize all of this with a "I just decided to have fun with it". Fuck the how-tos, the "I have" to have X episodes ahead of me, blah, blah, blah, blah". And also given myself compassion, when all of this is going to strike back. Because I know it will. I'll take one commitments that feels doable: between two and three episodes a month. And if I can do more, that's amazing. So basically, killing the heaviness out of it. And just deciding to play with it. While finishing the majors of my certification. And since I decided to have fun with it, I'd love for you to play with me and stick around.. 


When you think about it for a second. That goes for our sexuality too, actually. If you remember episode one about of being broken and the game being twisted... this twisted game actually puts a really heavy weight on everything. Never being enough is the best way to kill the joy out of being a woman. And kill the joy. Having to do something X times a week or a month, because that's what a healthy sex life is. Great way to kill the fun out of it. It's easier said than done, but. Let's see if you can give yourself the possibility to experiment and drop the heaviness out of it. And if at the moment that feels out of reach, start small. Start with breast massage. Or just a sensual touch. Or just eat a piece of chocolate in a conscious way. Taking the time to look at it. Smell it. Rub your fingers on it. And listen to the sound it makes. Feel the chocolate melt under the warmth of your skin. And keep it inside of your mouth for at least 10 seconds. 


Reconnecting to any type of pleasure is one of the best way to release the heaviness. At least in my opinion, and I've tried a lot. This is one of the best. 


RECAP

So, yeah. It actually took me one month... to notice my balance had been thrown off by this course. But also because I lacked the self-trust that I could do things my way, and my way could be different than following a recipe. And that it might work. Or not. But this recipe killed the fun out of it. And without fun, my brain is like "peace out and see you never again". Because it required a shitty amount of trust that I could do things my way and actually not care about the recipe. And still consider myself as a podcaster. 


It took me one month to realize I was also super scared of getting this identity of "Hey I'm a serious podcaster". Because I'm also playing with creating many identities in the moment that I'm not really comfortable with. And adding another one made me feel unsafe. And also realize "Hi, here's my addiction to make me feel like crap again, because you know, why would I want to feel good if I can feel like crap?" it actually took me one month. To notice that I was stuck in my head, and got another shot of, "I am so unworthy of anything. I am such a little piece of crap" and on and on and on... and to actually get tired of my own drama and wanting to come back to my body. And then decide: Hey, you know what? Finish your majors so that you can be fully certified. And in the meantime, have fun with your podcast. And, you know what, nobody gets successful overnight. So it's going to take time anyway. So make peace with it, because that's how it goes. And let's have fun with it. So if you're ready to have fun with me, welcome to Your Sexyfied Life.