Are you the family mediator, emotional manager, and conflict preventer? This could be an invisible workload the nervous system learned to carry for safety. Tracking group emotions and “keeping the peace” can become a childhood strategy to get needs met, and suggests building body attunement by noticing tension around certain people and asking: what am I holding responsibility for? Is it mine to hold today? And what is my responsibility instead?
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This podcast explores the intersection of sales, money, and business success, offering entrepreneurial insights on overcoming the inner critic, burnout, and the unique challenges of ADHD and autoimmune conditions, while integrating polyvagal theory, Ayurveda, coaching, resilience, regulation, and trauma healing to support holistic growth and thriving in both life and business.
Transcripts
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[00:00:21] This isn't because you should care less. It's probably because there's a invisible workload that your nervous system has learned is necessary to hold for safety. Today we're gonna talk about over responsibility as a pattern, what it does to your body over time, and how to start putting down what isn't yours without feeling like you are abandoning people.
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[00:02:10] You know, because you've probably been journaling and therapizing that your nervous system may have learned that carrying the responsibility and tracking this emotional field is what keeps things safe and what keeps everyone going along with each other. Um. It keeps the peace, and by keeping the peace back when we were children, we would learn that that is what made sure that I would get the things that I need.
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[00:03:03] So one of the things that I have people do is really learn how to be more attuned with their body and the tension that we're holding in our body. If you just check in with yourself a couple of times a day, am I holding tension? You might begin to notice that there are certain people around whom you hold tension.
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[00:03:38] And is that mine to hold today? So I might be holding responsibility for everyone getting along for that person, having a good time. And then you can ask yourself, is that your responsibility today? And then depending on if it is, okay, sure. Then keep going. I suppose [00:04:00] maybe you could ask, how would I make that 5% easier?
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[00:04:29] Is it your responsibility to make sure that something goes well? The thing about responsibility is that I like to think that our responsibility is something we can be, there's two ways of thinking of it. There's a beautiful song that says it is the the privilege to respond to something. Or we can look at it through the lens of the stoics even and say, well, it's.
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[00:05:17] Ah, I have power here. And I am seeing this and in my response with the power that I have, is to support this person in this specific way, but that's not heavy. That comes from deep, internal alignment, care, kindness, empathy. Maybe that's the place, but that should never, ever and will never, if it's coming from pleasure, come at the cost of your own wellbeing.
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[00:06:08] Regulating your nervous system by possible deciding what you are not available for. And you are responsible for your response to situations. Whether you choose to engage, step back, ask a question, set a boundary, you are responsible for those things. Most of all, you are responsible for caring for yourself.
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[00:07:02] I did this recently. I knew that it was gonna make someone uncomfortable, and I caught myself. I wanted to explain or prevent that person from having discomfort, and instead I chose to ask a question and trust that that person. Can manage their own discomfort, and if not, they will bring it to me and we can talk about it.
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[00:07:33] If you're in doubt, stop thinking You are responsible for how you participate, not for how the entire system functions. How you participate, not how the system functions. And if you find that you are, let's say, draining energy through taking responsibility for things that are not yours in my five week program, work doesn't have to cost your energy.
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[00:08:24] But either way, the starting point is the same. You'll find the link down below in the show notes, and I'm so happy that you are here.
