When your new boss is 20 years younger than you (and possibly owns trainers your teenager wants), the emotional whiplash is real.

In this episode, I respond to a listener who's just landed under the leadership of someone they could have taught to drive. I share seven very practical, very real strategies for navigating this shift—without bitterness, without sarcasm, and with all the self-possession you've built up over decades.

This isn't about sucking up or staying silent. It's about dignity, relevance, and choosing to lead in a new way. Whether you're simmering with frustration or simply unsure how to proceed, this one's for you.

You’re not too old, and it’s not too late.

Join the Midlife Unstuck Community → https://midlifeunstuck.activehosted.com/f/3

🔗 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• 7 Dignified Strategies for Working with a Baby Boss
• Case Study Series on Midlife Career Redesign

Hello and welcome to the Joy At Work podcast.

I'm your host, Lucia Knight, and here's this week's question from a listener.

I've just found out that my new boss is nearly 20 years younger than me,

and it's brought up all sorts of emotions.

I want to keep working here, but I've got no idea how to make the

relationship work any pointers.

Yes, many and you are not alone.

This is happening in every field.

Here's a personal story.

My 79-year-old mom has just been very ill in hospital, and when I visit her, I walk

past the exit from the operating theaters, and yesterday I couldn't help my eyebrows

from nearly reaching my hairline when a surgeon walked through the automatic door.

Presumably after a surgery looking all of 12 and a half years old, wearing the

Nike trainers that one of my teenage daughters has been lusting after for ages.

I was flabbergasted.

That this child of a surgeon is old enough and experienced enough to hold the

lives of precious people in his hands.

Now, I know mum's surgeries were conducted by an experienced surgeon because I

met him and I personally witnessed his wonderfully securing wrinkles.

But who knows?

Maybe the 12 and a half year old would've done a better job.

I'm trying to challenge my own ageism bias, but it's hard.

Right.

Back to our listeners question about the reality of reporting into

someone who's potentially young enough to be your child, a baby boss.

That moment is no longer looming in the far distance.

It's here and it's turning up in your next meeting in Smart Trainers

and a rapid fire slack habit, and probably a killer pitch deck created

by some AI that you've never heard of.

But before we get into some recommendations, let's talk

about what this really stirs up.

You've worked hard, you've been through the cycles, the centralization and

decentralization, the fads and the fixes you've seen management styles

change, markets shift and technologies transform, and now your new boss

is, well, basically the age of the child you might have taught to drive.

It's mind boggling, isn't it?

And it brings up huge emotions.

Fear, insecurity, possibly a teeny bit of rage, and if we're being open,

grief and loss, it's messy emotionally.

So let's get practical.

If like our listener, you want to keep working and more than that, you want

to keep earning and feeling valuable, then you'll need to handle this with

all the dignity, intelligence and self possession you've built up over decades.

So here are seven dignified strategies for working with your

baby boss and still getting paid.

I wrote an article about this a while ago, and I'll pop that into the show notes.

Number one, pause and zip your lips.

When you hear the news.

Take a breath.

Literally, this is not the time for Gallo's humor.

No ageist muttering about how your new boss is basically 12 and a half,

or still living with their mom.

These remarks might feel harmless, but they're not.

They plant seeds of mistrust.

And once the stereotype dust settles, it's hard to clear the air.

Go for a walk vent to a friend, but don't let it spill into the office.

At this stage, your silence will speak with a lot more dignity than your sarcasm.

Number two, don't stereotype even inside your head.

As you heard from my example of judging the 12 and a half year old

surgeon, we are all guilty of this.

You might think, Ugh, that generation are obsessed with TikTok, oat milk,

and constant promotions, but pause.

How much do you hate it when someone lumps you in with out of touch,

oldies who don't want to change?

You worked hard to get where you are and so did they, if they earned that title.

There's a reason, and it probably isn't people pleasing or luck.

It's most likely skill, ambition, and timing.

Number three, get out of your head and into theirs.

Imagine being 27 and managing someone who has seen 1980 shoulder pads,

both in the original series of Dallas and in real life, it's awkward.

You may feel like this is a test of your relevance, but they're likely to be

thinking the same about their competence.

They have more likely than not imposter syndrome, and it's just dressed up

in ambition and a firm handshake.

We want to turn this relationship into a working alliance.

To help them succeed.

And that doesn't mean sucking up.

It means tuning into what they're trying to achieve and

showing them how you can help.

That's powerful.

That's real influence.

That's true relevance.

Number four.

Don't assume they'll be a bad boss.

You've had good bosses and terrible bosses.

Some old and some young age isn't a guarantee of wisdom or idiocy.

Some young leaders are deeply intuitive, respectful, inclusive,

and sharp as razor blades.

If your first reaction is to expect incompetence, it will show.

So shift your inner storytelling.

Choose to believe that this person has something, a lot to offer.

Tell them congratulations.

Say you're looking forward to working together.

Set the tone and they're more likely to rise to meet it.

Number five.

Keep high emotion outta the office.

That frustration, that sting of being passed over, that sudden questioning of

your career future, it's totally valid.

Please don't let it pour out.

During your Monday morning, 9:00 AM update meeting, talk to your partner,

a mentor your dog, for God's sake.

Do some soul searching.

Then at work shift from an emotional response to a logical, clear response.

Ask yourself, what do I need to feel meaningful, valued,

and pride in this role?

Then look for opportunities that let you lead, influence, or

apply your hard won experience in ways that still feel satisfying.

Being seen as the expert in a tricky space can be a powerful new role to carve out.

Number six, offer them the same respect you expect in return.

Now, this is a hard one, but critical bitterness does

not look good on a midlifer.

Yes, this might feel like a blow to your ego, your trajectory, and maybe even your

career hopes, but the only way to claw back power is to show up as an adult.

Not the silky teen disrespecting your boss because of their age.

It undermines your own authority.

Choose grace, choose curiosity, and then choose to work so hard

at being so bloody brilliant that they cannot ignore your value.

And finally, number seven, reframe this whole experience as

a giant work life opportunity.

You are a grownup.

You've been around long enough to see leadership come in all shapes and sizes.

So now you get to decide who you are in this story.

Are you the bitter back bencher with snide commentary

or are you the sharp, emotionally intelligent, experienced ally?

Who helps a young leader to thrive and stays incredibly relevant

and valuable in the process.

This is where Joy at work lies for our listener.

And I'm not saying these strategies are simple or easy.

The situation might not seem fair at first glance, but you get to

choose to operate with dignity because younger leaders are not going away.

If you choose or in fact need to work for another decade, you're

going to learn to adapt with dignity.

You need to because if you are here and if you are listening to this podcast,

you're in great company because we are all choosing not to fade quietly.

We've already chosen to stay in the game and to play it well.

And if you need more proof that you're not alone in, it's not too late

and that you are not too old, check out a link to a whole range of case

studies of clients I've worked with who've adapted their work lives to

fit with their future work life hopes.

And I'll include that in the show notes.

So yes,

having a baby boss, a boss who is young enough to be your child.

Isn't easy, it's bloody hard at first, but when you go deeper on your initial

emotional reaction, you'll see that you have far more influence than you think.

You can shape the relationship to show your value and still get

deep satisfaction from your work.

And that sounds like joy at work to me.